Achieve 70% MORE SUCCESS: 3 Visualization HACKS to Boost Your CONFIDENCE

Lewis Howes
Welcome to this special masterclass. We've brought some of the top experts in the world to help you unlock the power of your life through this specific theme today. It's going to be powerful, so let's go ahead and dive in.

Ed Mylett
Nothing beats attending a live event. Seatgeek's site is easy to navigate, so you're able to select the best seats to see your favorite artists with confidence. With over 28 million downloads, Seatgeek is the number one rated ticketing app on the Apple App Store. There are more than 70,000 events on SeatGeek, including concerts, sports, festivals and more. Plus, your tickets are backed by a buyer guarantee.

Download the SeatGeek app and use code GreatneSS 20 to get $20 off your first purchase offer applies to new customers. Only purchase must be over $50. The promo code is single use and valid through September 30, 2024. Get tickets on Seatgeek now. Take your business further with the smart and flexible American Express business Gold card.

Matthew McConaughey
It's packed with benefits to help unlock more value from your business purchases. That's the powerful backing of American Express. Learn more at american express.com businessgoldcard.

Ed Mylett
Okay, quick math. The less your business spends on operations, multiple systems, delivering your product or service, the more margin you have and the more money you keep. That's obvious. But with higher expenses on materials, employees, distribution, and borrowing, everything costs more. So to reduce costs and headaches, smart businesses are graduating to Netsuite by Oracle Netsuite is the number one cloud system, bringing accounting, financial management, inventory, hr into one platform and one source of truth.

With Netsuite, you reduce it costs because Netsuite lives in the cloud with no hardware required, accessed from anywhere. You cut the cost of maintaining multiple systems because you've got one unified business management suite and you're improving efficiency by bringing all your major business processes into one platform, slashing manual tasks and errors. Over 37,000 companies have already made the move. So do the math. See how you'll profit with Netsuite.

Backed by popular demand, Netsuite has extended its one of a kind flexible financing program for a few more weeks. Head to netsuite.com greatness. That's netsuite.com greatness. Netsuite.com g r e a T n. E S s there's an essence.

Lewis Howes
There's a presence. There's a power, a command, an authority, a humble confidence. There's like this essence about you. Thank you. And I'm really curious.

What do you think made you you? What were the elements growing up that made you all the things you are now. Thank you. That's nice to hear. Because, by the way, I love people that have that combo.

Matthew McConaughey
Like, I love people with a lot of self confidence, a lot of humility people. A lot of humility that have no self confidence. You're kind of dragging them through life as a friend, someone with all their self confidence. No humility. They're going to burn out.

They're going to make a mistake. They're not curious. They don't grow. I think even the reason I'm in the personal development space, why do I believe so much that people can change? I watched my dad do it, and then in my case, I had to learn these things, man.

To be like a baseline, functioning person. So my default personality is insecure. Even today? Even today. Come on.

Very much. Really very much. How is that default? You wake up and you say, I'm a nobody. Or what's that?

I lack this. I'm fooling everybody. If they really knew some imposter syndrome mixed with just like, tremendous. I was bullied as a kid. My dad was an alcoholic.

I wasn't a real big guy. The only thing I wasn't good in school, the only thing I was good at was sports. A lot like with you, you were a great athlete. So my default is tons of insecurity. So that's probably never gonna go away.

The humility part. So the part that I've worked on really hard is the self confidence part. And so I've got all the stuff in the book on those tips. And what have I done to build it? Cause I had to get there just to get to baseline.

And then I'm like, this stuff works. What if I refined it and made it my own and started to build these other strategies and stuff? So the confidence part is the thing I'm always going to have to work on. Even today, even with all the success and the, you know, the massive show and the big businesses and all the homes and everything that people see. Yeah.

The truth is, what else do you. Need, though, to feel more confident? I don't need other things. It's an internal game. I don't need other stuff.

In other words, the stuff is really fleeting and temporary, so I don't need another. You know, I bought an island lately. You know that, right? Like, when I bought this island, it didn't give me, they didn't make me more confident. It just was something that I've always wanted to be able to do.

But I. It's not stuff. What needs to happen for me is that I'm most confident when I'm living in my intention, which is to serve, which is to, like, help other people when I'm not doing that. Wayne Dyer, when I met him really, really young, told me, you're going to change the world, Ed Milet. And I'm like, and he.

Then he. I'm sure he said this to a lot of people, but he complimented me. I met him on a beach. We watched the sun come up together in Maui. Yeah, I was running on the beach.

That's where he lived. Yeah, I was running on the beach and we ran out of time. I never met him. Incredible. So we became a dear friend of mine.

But I'm running, you know, you get up before the sun comes up. I'm running on this. I'd won this incentive trip, and there's this bald dude running towards me with this hairy back. I'll never forget this sweaty, hairy back. And it was so long ago because I had a Sony Walkman on and he had one, and he ran by me.

I go, that was Wayne Dyer. And I said, doctor Dyer, you changed my life. And he had this deep voice like mine, and he pulls his head and he goes, well, I doubt that. Wow. And he goes, I bet you changed your life.

But he goes, how did I help you? And then he walked towards me and I get emotional, like, God's been so good to me. We sat on this beach together and watched the sun come up for about an hour and a half. And about an hour into it, he goes, you're going to change the world. And I'm sure he said this to a lot of people.

And he's like, and it's, you're very talented, you're brilliant, you're good communicator, you know? And he goes, and that's not the reason why. And he was writing a book at that time called the power of intention. That's a great book. Great book.

Lewis Howes
Incredible book. And he goes, you really intend to help people? And he goes, all these things with your father and your upbringing and all that, Ed, he goes, that's all made you. And he goes, you have such a heart to want to help people. And he goes, would you do me a favor if we never meet again?

Matthew McConaughey
And we ended up meeting many times, I said, yeah. He said, never link your confidence to your ability, because I know you struggle with your confidence. If it's predicated on your abilities or your achievements, you're always going to be chasing it. He goes, but if you link your confidence to your intentions, man do you have beautiful intentions? And that is something I knew about me.

I know I have a good heart, and I've never forgotten that. So when I do a podcast or a speech, I just connect to my intent. And it's been the one thing that's brought me confidence, because if you said, hey, Ed, you got to be confident because you're great or you got a house or you have a plane, I go, yeah, but, yeah, but, but if you go, you gotta be confident because you have beautiful intentions to help you. But I go.

Lewis Howes
You might be right. And that's where my confidence comes from. So, as an athlete, I gained confidence from results, from actually getting the result of becoming better. Right? I was.

Matthew McConaughey
That's one way to get it. I was not good. And then I put in the effort and all the mistakes or the failures or the feedback, what I like to call it, gave me the lessons and taught me how to get better, to accomplish the result that I was looking for, achieve the goal, win the game, or just improve my abilities. So I'm hearing you say, is link also link confidence to intention. Some people say link it to the effort.

Right? Like, the effort that you show up, that you just keep showing up. And others talk about the results. Yep. Should we be thinking about it?

There's two. I have a whole. I call it the holy trilogy in the Book of self confidence. What is this? But the.

The confidence trilogy is faith. Have confidence. So if you're a person of faith, no matter what you believe in, it's amazing to me how people that believe in energy, quantum energy, or they believe in. They're a Christian like me, and I believe in both, by the way. But whatever their faith is that they have it on Sunday, they have it in Bible study, or they have it when they get together with their friends or when they meditate.

But somehow, when they walk into a business meeting, they're alone. So why are you alone, then? But you're not alone these other times. So I'm never alone. So that's number one.

Number two is my intention, and third is my associations change my confidence. But here's the biggie. If you don't have self confidence, here's what you have. You have a really bad reputation with yourself. Yes, you have built a habit of not keeping the promises you make to yourself.

We've all heard this before, but there's a level. I have a chapter in the book called one more standard. Here's how I built what I would call almost superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity. Think about that superhuman confidence in spite of my insecurity, and it's exactly what you just said, it's an effort play. If you don't have self confidence, you've never kept the promises you make to yourself.

Check that box. If you have self confidence, you've started to keep the promises you make to yourself. If you want to have superhuman self confidence, you keep the promises you make to yourself. And one more. So if I'm going to get up and I'm going to work out, I'm going to do ten reps in the gym, I do one more.

If I'm going to do 45 minutes on the treadmill, I do one more. If I want to make ten contacts in a day, I do that and one more. If I'm going to tell my daughter I love her every day, I'm going to do that and one more. And so that higher standard, because in life, we don't get our goals, we get our standards long term. And so if your standard is one more starts, what starts to happen is you go, I'm willing to do things other people aren't willing to do.

And I combine that, that I have great faith, great associations, and I intend to help people. This is a formula to build wonderful self confidence and never lack humility when you have it. So when did you learn this one more mindset? Was this from your dad early on or was this. It's from my dad.

So we talked about this a little bit earlier. My dad had these couple theories. He would always say to me, and so one was when he got sober, he gave it one more try. He was going to stay sober one day at a time. And then my dad, there's no dreaming in my house.

There's no, like, my jet. You know, I've had. I've been blessed. I had, like, multiple airplanes right in my life. My jet was in almost walking distance of my dad's house.

He's never been on any of them. Wow. And I would say to my dad, I would say, hey, let's go play golf in Maui. Let's go. There's these great golf courses in the ocean.

And my dad would say, well, why would I go all the way to Maui to play golf with my favorite person, my son, when we can play here in Chino? It's not about there. I want to be with my son. So this, my family had none of that stuff. But my dad knew I was a dreamer.

And my dad would always say, you know, I was one decision away from changing my life the whole time. One choice. And he'd say, eddie, you're not as far away from these dreams as you think you are. And I'd say, really, dad? And he'd go, no, you're actually a lot closer than you think.

But because you think it's so far away, you behave in accordance with that belief system, and it always keeps it that far away from you. How do we bring our dreams closer to us? The first thing is. That's a great question. The first thing is, you need to believe and know that you're one decision, one relationship, one meeting, one book, one thought, one something away from a completely different life.

And when you know that, then you begin to look for them. And so, in the second chapter of the book, I have a thing in the book called the Matrix. And your matrix is your reticular activating system in your brain. It's the filter for your entire life, okay? And this filter reveals to you the world that's in front of you.

Again, example of it is I just. I like what Musk is doing. So I just bought a tesla. I drove it here today. Model X or.

Lewis Howes
What do you got? I got a plaid. Okay. It's a good one. Nice.

Matthew McConaughey
And so I bought this plaid, and all of a sudden, man, everywhere I go, there's teslas everywhere. I'm like, whoa. I see them everywhere. Three lanes over, other side. Freaking Tesla.

This is crazy. They were always there. Why didn't I see them before? Because they weren't part of my Ras. So the key thing I teach you in the book, how to slow down time and create the matrix of your life.

When you make the teslas of your life, those relationships, those meetings, those thoughts, those encounters, you can very easily do this. But there's a process of repeated visualization you do that's not complicated. It's chapter two of the book, and it will shift you the other component, too. I have a chapter in the book called become an impossibility thinker and a possibility achiever. Here's how.

Most people's frameworks, they don't have an RAS program. They're not intentional, so they keep getting. If the things most important to you are your worries, fears, anxieties, problems, bills, you will continue to have people, places, and things revealed to you that confirm it. And if you operate out of your memory and your history, if this is your pattern, your framework, you will continue to find those things. You need to learn to operate out of your imagination and your dreams.

This is a different framework for life. Imagination is different than dreaming. Imagination causes you to create dreams and thoughts that never happened. When you imagine something, you create a space. Once you have a thought, this is powerful.

When you have a thought, you create a space that did not exist in the world before you had that thought, and that space now exists. And the way your brain works and your life works and the universe works is it tries to furnish that space, whether it's a negative or a positive thought. It starts to hear things it wouldn't hear. That's why, like when you're in a crowded room and they say, Lewis, you can hear Louis auditorily over all the noise. Why it's in your ras.

It's why you see the Tesla. Okay, so the key thing is being able to operate of this imagination. Why is imagination so important? When you were a child, three, four, five years old, you were probably happier than you are right now. Why?

Two reasons. A, you were closer to God. You had just been with God more recently. And two, you operated out of your imagination. You didn't operate out of a history and a memory, because you didn't have one.

And slowly, over time, by the time you were ten, 1112 years old, loving people installed their limiting thoughts and beliefs, their software, into you, because most things in life are caught, not taught. You catch them. Wow. And so now you're starting to operate of history and memory, and you repeat it, and your r e s begins to see the things that reinforce that history and memory. And so you basically have the same life over and over again with a different cast of characters in a different environment, but the same emotions.

You have the same emotional home. My dad used to say to me, every call, bro, till the day he died, and I'm 50 years old, blah, blah, blah, whatever we're talking about. Last thing he would always say to me, be careful. Be careful. What the heck?

Lewis Howes
And I go, be careful with what? I don't know, I never knew. But what is that? Programming from the time you're eight years old. Be careful.

Matthew McConaughey
Hey, go to school. Be careful. So what, that operated out of this fear thing, right? I need to be careful. I need to be careful.

But don't make this risk. Don't take that business decision. Don't start a podcast, don't get on that stage and speak. Don't do this, don't do that. You say that to an already unconfident, insecure person.

He meant it lovingly. By the time I'm 50, worth hundreds of millions of dollars. Be careful. He didn't even know he was saying it to me. But what was he doing, he was installing, God bless him, his limiting beliefs into me as a little boy.

So a lot of these things that you believe, you were defenseless when you started to believe them, they were installed in you by loving people who were around you. And even though your life may look differently, your emotional home, the four, five, six emotions you experience pretty regularly might be really familiar from your parents, one or two of them, right? And so you need to look at your emotional home. What's your most powerful emotion and the emotion that you wish you could let go of? Love is the most powerful emotion in the world.

We will all do everything for love. If there were more love in the world, the way we treat one another, the way we express our thoughts, you know you'll do anything for love, right? So love is by far my most powerful emotion. It's like, like, I love you. Then, like when I just saw you, we didn't just like people, we didn't just hug for like 1 second.

Lewis Howes
Yeah. And you do this better than I do. I hold people, I make it uncomfortable. Cause I just want to hug and love on people. But it's not uncomfortable, bro.

Right? Because the reason you're so successful is you truly do love people. And you come from that place. And I know we're bigger dudes. And like, that's a beautiful expression of a man.

Matthew McConaughey
A real man is capable of real love. That's a sign of real strength. So that's the most powerful one. And then for me, I know the emotion that I wish I didn't have. It's chaos, really.

Lewis Howes
How often do you experience chaos? Less, because I'm aware of it. But I'm going to tell you all the time. Till about five years ago, even when we first met, why I used to even say this, man, I operate great under chaos. Man, you should see me operate under chaos.

Matthew McConaughey
Most people can't handle chaos. I'm calm under pressure. Well, the reason for that was I grew up in an alcoholic home, so I'm very familiar with chaos. It became a very familiar emotion. And what we do is we gravitate towards the familiar emotions in our life, even if they're not ones that serve us.

And I don't think there's negative or positive emotions. I say this in the book, there just are. Fear isn't negative. Fear in abundance is negative. But some fear.

Being afraid to do this podcast to some extent causes us to prepare. So a dose of it, it was given to us in the caveman days. So T Rex didn't need us, right? So some fear is good. Some anxiety is okay, some frustration.

Some anger is appropriate. It's to the dosage level. And we get these four or five of them. For me, some chaos is okay. It's fun, it's exciting, it's exhilarating, right?

But getting it every day, every week, every month, all the time. And so how do you get rid of it? Well, one way you get rid of it is just be awareness. When you have an awareness of a thought, it loses its impact and power over you. It almost becomes like this, I'll do it.

I'm like, I'm doing it again, aren't I? I'm doing the chaos thing. Everything's great right now. All the houses are paid off. My kids are happy, married to a great woman, got great friends.

I'm doing the chaos thing again, aren't I? You dummy. You're doing it again, and it kind of loses its power over you. So I have a chapter in the book called one more emotion and how to take an inventory of the emotions you have. And so, yeah, man, mine's definitely love.

And the one I don't want is chaos. Cause. Chaos causes me to act out of anger and frustration. It can depress me. And your intentions are not gonna be.

As, I guess, as pure. It's a gateway emotion. Chaos is my gateway emotion to the ones I don't want. Chaos gives me stress. Chaos gives me anger.

Chaos gives me frustration. Chaos gives me fear. So it's a gateway emotion. What is the result when you create from that space of chaos? It's funny, I have found the ability to externally create something pretty productive.

But stay with me on this. But the process in getting there is destructive. The process in getting there is not beautiful. And I used to think a lot of successful forcing your way to get the results almost through force, you know, and the. And I still do it sometimes.

I'm thinking of a situation this week where I did it. And I used to think, well, that's a superpower, though, because I've created all these external. Look what I made. Look what I did. And I'm doing it because of that.

The truth is, I did it in spite of it. You did. And there's a lot of things in our lives that we have linked to our formula, our recipe of success that we hold on to, that you've done in spite of those things, not because of those things. So you're 51 now? 52.

Lewis Howes
51 when you were 40. On a scale of one to ten of the self confident, happiness, joy scale, ten being like, you loved yourself, fully. You were peaceful. You had an abundant mindset. You had inner peace, joy one being you hated yourself.

You were miserable. You were in chaos 24/7 where were you on that scale at 40? Okay, the real answer is probably three of happiness and. But if you met me, I could convince you that it was probably an. Eight, that you were super happy and.

Matthew McConaughey
You had probably a three. And since your father passing, where are you now? Probably a nine. Really? Yeah.

And I no longer feel the need to convince you because I've learned that this has already existed within me. I didn't have to go get it. I just had to allow myself to experience it. And it took me a long time to treat myself in such a way that I allowed myself to feel these things that have always been there. I had them when I was a little baby boy.

I just lost them along the way in these patterns and programs that were installed in me and my experiences. And I got to share something with you, brother. That just dawned on me. I wrote this whole book, and two weeks ago I had this. This is just for me and you, but everybody can hear it.

Lewis Howes
Sure. And I've always tried to disqualify myself. I've always. You're not this. Why is that?

Matthew McConaughey
It always shocks people, even people that know me really well. They're like, not you. I have that, but there's no way you have it, right? Yeah. You're too confident, too talented, too.

And I don't know that I'm too talented, but I think I can fake it pretty well. And I disqualify myself because, you know, the truth is that maybe for a while, everything that I got that was loved when I was a child only came when I achieved something. So I started to conflate early on in my life recognition and significance with love. In other words, my dad would love me if I hit the home run. My dad would love me if I get straight as.

So then when I would feel these things, but something really amazing. And also, like, I'm really big at holding myself. I love to beat myself up with mistakes I've made. I did this, I did that. I should have done this, I didn't do that.

And I've always thought these mistakes, these weaknesses of mine, disqualify me from being happy or helping people. And this amazing breakthrough, the one decision that changed my family forever, is my dad's decision to get sober. And it changed my family forever. I'm talking to you because my dad made that decision. And I've always been so proud of my dad for that.

But this is just two weeks ago. 315 in the morning, I wake up, I'm crying and I wake Christiana up. I go, babe, someone helped dad. And she went, what, honey? I said, someone helped dad.

She goes, what do you mean? I said, babe, I never thought about this. And my dad's darkest, worst moment of his life, in some coffee shop or some room somewhere, some precious soul helped. My dad, reached out to him, talked. To him, talked to him and got him sober.

Lewis Howes
Wow. And I said, babe, that's not the powerful part. And I have no idea who this person is, but I wonder if they know the difference they made in Max and Bella's, my children's lives or your life or the millions of people I've helped. That one decision they made. And she goes, oh, my gosh.

Matthew McConaughey
I said, I never thought about this beautiful human being, always gave the credit to my dad, but some stranger helped him. And I said, babe, this is the bananas part. Do you know what qualified them to help my dad? Their messed up life. They were an alcoholic, they were a drug addict.

Little did that person know the things they were the most ashamed of, the biggest mistakes of their lives, when they were using drugs and drinking and stealing it, that was qualifying them to change my dad's life. And all of us, we run around carrying these bags of I'm not qualified because I made this mistake. I had this bankruptcy, this relationship didn't work. I did. This thing you don't know about, I'm so ashamed of.

Lewis Howes
That's why you're qualified. That's the thing that qualifies you, the humanness in you. You are the only human being with your combination of gifts that you were given, whatever they are, and your experience and real human beings help real human beings by being vulnerable and transparent. I know where you are. I've messed up worse.

Matthew McConaughey
I've made greater mistakes. I felt more. I know that depression. I know that anxiety. I know that shame.

I know what that feels like. That beautiful soul who was a drug addict and alcoholic, they didn't know. All those mistakes they were making were leading them out of their heart. And they finally got to a point where their intention was to help my father in the lowest moment of his life. They changed my dad's life and their change, mine.

And maybe me and you are changing a few today because of that person's mess. It's crazy. Is that crazy? That's amazing. I know, I know.

Love them and thank them. That's amazing, man.

Ed Mylett
One of my favorite parts about my job is that I get the opportunity to travel a lot. And actually I was thinking about something I wanted to share. I get a lot of questions from you about different side hustle ideas. So here's one for those of you out there who are often on the go like I am, when you're staying in your Airbnb on your trips, have you ever thought about how you could be making some extra money by hosting through Airbnb while your home is vacant? If you're interested in an extra stream of income, Airbnb hosting is an easy place to start, and it's like giving your home some company while you're away.

Many people host on Airbnb, including some friends of mine who have raved to me about their experience. But there are some people out there who've never imagined their space could be an Airbnb. Hosting can easily fit into your lifestyle, and it's a great way to earn some extra money. So if you have a home but you're not always at home, you've got yourself an Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think.

Find out how much@airbnb.com. host ever notice how your relationship with your wireless carrier can have the same yada yada as a bad romantic relationship? Like you're treated special at the beginning with exciting gifts and offers, but then ignored and overlooked later on? Or your partner gets a wandering eye, like how some wireless carriers start focusing their attention on newer customers. While if this sounds like your wireless carrier, it might be time to put an end to the yada yada.

Now at Metro, existing customers get that new customer feeling again and again. Introducing Metro Flex. More than just free 5g phones when you join, get the same great deals as new customers on select devices like Samsung, Motorola, and Rebel. When you stay twelve months and trade in a phone, it's the first of many initiatives Metro is making to ensure all of the customers feel valued. That's not a yada yada.

Stop by your neighborhood Metro store, bring your number and id, and sign up for an eligible Metro flex plan.

Lewis Howes
When you get a new car or. A new home, your first reaction might be to say things like, oh yeah, or I can't believe it or booyah. But what you really want to say is the one thing that can get you the help you need, like a good neighbor. State Farm is there. State Farm is there.

Ed Mylett
With the coverage you need for your car, your home, and even boats, motorcycles, rvs, and other things that matter to you. With a state farm agent, you know someone is there to help you choose the coverage you need. There's so many coverage options. It feels good knowing you can find what fits for you. And when you need ways to get help, State Farm gives you options there, too.

In person or on the phone with your local agent or on statefarm.com, where their award winning app, State Farm, lets you do things your way. So when you need help protecting the things that matter most, remember to say, like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Where's the biggest wound in the last few years that you've had to realize still wasn't fully healed for you? That if it was on a deeper mending process, you'd be able to go to the next level? Is there something that has come up that you've realized or paid attention to that you're like, I thought I healed that fully, but it's still kind of there.

Lewis Howes
And maybe it's holding me back from more love, more peace, more service, more. I'm great at giving love to people. I've never, very rarely ever allowed myself to receive it. Really? Yeah.

Even with your family or friends or. Yeah, I love them. But me allowing myself just to go, they love me. I've never said that out loud to right now. Wow.

Matthew McConaughey
Once I'm really worth it, then I'll get around to having it. I'll get it. But I don't have it yet. What would it take for you to be really worth it? Well, that's the thing, is that line keeps moving.

And so that line keeps moving. I'm worth a million, okay? But not till 10 million, till 100. Million, till the line moves. And where it's been healing for me lately is like, I'm worthy of it now.

Yeah, I've always been worthy of it. And the truth is, the right type of love has no conditions on it. Like, my children, I love them unconditionally. There's literally nothing either one of them can do to make me love them less or more. And I tell them that all the time.

You get this or that. I can't love you more, and I can't love you less. My daughter could. Worst case scenario, I mean, never. She could literally end someone else's life.

And I'd be like, all right, where is it? Let's bury the body. You know? Like, I mean, you love your children unconditionally. And then I realized something.

In my faith, God loves me even more. He's always loved me even more. He's made me in his image and likeness. And for all of you that are listening to this, you were born to do something great with your life, but that's not the condition to receive love. All this achievement, you and I are both about a max out.

You're about greatness. The highest form of maxing out in greatness is to give and receive love. But you didn't receive it that well. No. And I think lately I'm like, I feel you.

Thank you. I accept that. When someone compliments me, I always go, yeah, but, you know, you're. And lately I go, I'll take that. Thank you.

I'll take that. Thank you. And at first, it even felt a little insincere, disingenuous. But I've had many more moments, the last since my dad died. Candidly, since my dad died, I'm like, yeah, I robbed myself of that.

And I'll tell you what happened. Right before my dad died, we had a conversation, and my dad said to me, I'm so proud of you. Wow. And I love you so much. And he goes, I said, dad.

He goes, no, I want you to listen to me. And he said this to me, he goes, I can't believe God gave you to me as my son. Wow. And I felt, holy cow. I felt loved.

And I went, he's felt that way all of his life. Why did I wait till his last breaths to receive it? And I'm not going to do that again in my other relationships. I'm not going to wait till they're gone. My dad's impact, you and I were both talking about our dads.

My dad's impact is far greater on me now than it was when he was gone. And you don't need to wait for that. You need to wait around for that in your life. You can receive it now, and I allow myself to receive it much more often now. There's probably nothing that you regret that you would change differently in your past about situations because it's made you who you are.

Matthew
Mm hmm. Well, let's just say you were going back to before you got married. Yep. Is there anything that you would do differently with yourself in the relationship or as you were starting to have kids, about emotions, connection, intimacy, receiving, giving, love? Is there anything you changed?

Matthew McConaughey
Tons. The biggest one is my lack of presence. Really. I was always in the future, which is a good place to be. I'm not a guy who's in the past a lot, because then you're innovating.

Lewis Howes
You'Re resourceful, you're creating something from nothing. I'm not powerful. You're not a past guy. But I'm a future guy. But the truth is, the best people are able to be in the present and still operate.

Matthew McConaughey
Be in the future, but. But be present in the present time. And I don't. I didn't do that very well. There's a lot of times, man, when my kids would do things, and now Christine goes, do you remember when Bella.

And I'll go, I don't remember. She goes, but you were actually there. But I wasn't. So would I change that? Yes.

I should have given myself the gift of being more present where I was, and I do that very well now. I'm very much a present person. You turn your phone off after you get home, and you put it in a car or whatever you do, you spend ten minutes closing things out, and then you go in the house. You connect. Yeah, I do.

Yeah. I have strategies for it, because I know me. And then anger. You were angrier then. Way more.

I'm an intense dude. In fact, people who see me now on social that knew me back then, I'd be like, wow, man, like, you've really changed. I just thought that my intensity and even what moved into anger was strength, because I saw it in my dad. Because he got results, certain results, and. I think I modeled it a little bit.

My dad was a yeller before he was sober, and even a little bit after truth be stole, and my dad would operate. My dad could go to anger pretty quickly, and I used to think that's what a man did. I've watched my dad in many physical fights, many angel games. I watched my dad side of the freeway. I watched.

We came out of church one Sunday, St. Dennis Catholic Church in Diamond bar. Some guy said something my dad didn't like in the donut line. Oh. And we got in the car, and my dad calls the guy over to the car.

He says, hey, what did you say? Bam. And headbutts the guy at church in the parking lot in front of all the other parishioners, right? So I think I modeled a little bit. I didn't do anything like that, but I modeled.

Hey, anger. Men. Men can do that thing, you know? Don't disrespect me. You know, that whole thing.

And so I had a lot of that when I was young. Like, don't, you know, I'm going to assert my authority. And as I got older, it's almost become funny to me. And what the change for me was having kids, I'm like, if someone ever spoke to my daughter or my son the way that I have talked to some of these people that have been around me, and for someone like you that knows me now, they'll be like, there's just no way, man. No, man.

I really did. I really said things I regret. I really did things that were out of anger too often. And I don't like that guy. He hasn't been around for a while, but every once in a while, he'll rear his head a little bit.

He can be there once in a while. But what makes you angry today? Anytime I see someone operating out of anger, I think they're afraid. And so, for me, it's, when do I get angry? I got angry today.

Today, I said recently, I had one of those episodes. So my show got posted today, and someone on my team posted it incorrectly, and it wasn't on YouTube. Oh, yeah. Okay. And so my default when that happened was anger.

Who did this? What happened? You know the feeling. Right, of course. But what was I really.

I was afraid. I was afraid the show wouldn't do well. I was afraid it would be embarrassing. I was afraid the guest was gonna be upset with me. So when I operate out of anger, it's always fear.

I'm always afraid. But what about back in the day when you were hard on people? I was afraid I was gonna be broke. I was afraid we were gonna lose the business. I was afraid this situation was gonna happen.

I was afraid someone was gonna shame me. So I'm gonna get in front of it and be angry with them. So, for me, anger is just a manifestation of fear. And when I see it in other people, men or women, I have empathy for them because I know they're afraid, and I really do believe that. I think anger is always a result of some type of fear.

Lewis Howes
What do you think is the biggest things that hold all of us back from achieving our dreams faster? Three biggest things. Well, one is the proximity to it. We really do believe it's further away. Like, we honestly believe this thing is like a 20 year thing.

Matthew McConaughey
And so because we believe that, we keep it there and we miss out on these, you know, possibilities in our life. The second one is, I have a chapter in the book called on equanimity. I say one more level of equanimity. Equanimity is our ability to be calm under duress. So I said earlier, slow things down.

The greatest athletes that we admire can slow things down under pressure. They're calm. If you think of a Tom Brady who's everybody's example in this age, is that when it's the noisiest and the crowd's the craziest, and it's the playoffs, and it's the highest stakes for the average person. Everything speeds up and they lose control. Good friend of both of ours, Michael Chandler, fought this last weekend, and great win.

Great win. And normally, Michael, he's one of the greatest fighters in the world, but when he has been in duress in some of his fights, things speed up, and he starts to do this brawl mode. And I watched him in this fight, things started to not go his way, and he slowed things down, and he started to show some equanimity under duress. And that's when things slow down and we can perform at our best. So the second thing I would say is equanimity.

The third thing is I have a whole chapter in the book on the way you manage time. This is just, there's so many heavy things in the book, but the idea that still people manage a day in 24 hours is hilarious to me that this archaic concept that a day is 24 hours is bananas. Like the 24 hours day was just made up by somebody about the sun and the earth going around each other bills 100 million years ago, or whatever it was. And this is before there was electricity, there were cars, there was the Internet, there was a smartphone. So you're going to tell me I should measure my day the same duration of time.

I calibrate time when the same dude didn't have the Internet. I used to have to do a project in high school. We'd have to go to the encyclopedia, go down to the library, and research for hours. And, hey, my kids can google something in 10 seconds now and get. I can text message you instead of mailing you something that takes a month to get to you.

So I've shrunk my days. My days now are from, my first day is from 06:00 a.m. to noon in that day. It's called a mini day. 06:00 a.m.

to noon. I get into that day whatever I want. Some days are chill. Some days are faith, some days are working out. But the amount we've all had that morning, where you go, I got done more this morning than I have in three weeks.

Right? So why can't that be every day? And it is. I can tell you. So my first day is 06:00 a.m.

to noon. At noon, a clock goes off. We're in day two, and I reevaluate really quickly for 5 seconds. What just happened? What did I do?

What do I need to do more of next day is noon to 06:00 p.m. i'm gonna get the same amount of business context, faith, fun, whatever it is in that ecstasy in that day. Third day is 06:00 p.m. to midnight. It's a third day.

This gives me three days. In one day, I get 21 days a week. If I get 21 days a week, you get seven. Stacked it up over a month, a year, 510 years. I'm going to smoke you in life.

Right. And I've bended and manipulated time so that my accountability is different. It's not the end of a day or end of a week or end of a month. It's at the end of a. Basically a six or eight hour window.

Lewis Howes
That's interesting. And other people respond to you differently, because what is scarce is valuable. People begin to respond to you differently when your time is more scarce, when it's more precious. And so it's completely changed my life the last 25 years. Running many days as opposed to 24 hours days.

Mel Robbins
Here's what everybody gets wrong about manifesting. What you're trained to think about when you think about manifesting is vision boards. And when you hear the word vision boards, you think about the big stuff. Should you have big dreams? Of course you should.

Should you dream of building a mansion on the ocean? If that's your thing, yes. Should you dream of the log cabin? Yes. If you want a Lamborghini or the new Ford Bronco, should you put.

Yeah, yes, yes, yes. If you want the family, if you want the body, should you think about. Yeah, absolutely. Here's where everybody goes wrong. Dream about the end.

You make this gorgeous collage of all this stuff that has nothing to do with your current life. That literally, as you're sitting in your studio apartment with the cat box that hasn't been changed in two weeks. No food in the fridge. No food in the fridge. And you're looking for a job, and you're staring at a mansion going, someday it's gonna make you feel like a loser, because the gap between where you are and where you wanna go seems insurmountable.

And so what happens, based on the research, is when you only visualize the end game. Louis, it's demotivating at first. It's really fun to, like, have a bottle of wine and make your collage. I'm gonna visualize. Slap this up my vision board.

Fabulous law of attraction, baby. Come on. I'm gonna think about it. It's gonna come to me. Okay.

I've been doing this for two days. I'm not. I'm still in this apartment with the cat box. That needs to be changed. The way to visualize properly is to visualize the bridge between where you are and where you need to go.

Lewis Howes
The bridge? Yes. And particularly the horrible stuff. Visualize working a day job and telling your friends that you're not gonna go out tonight because you're working on something. Visualize making cold calls and being told, no.

Mel Robbins
Visualize not going to that party because you're staying in on a Saturday and not going to the barbecue because you're putting in the work. Visualize sitting at a seminar and learning from other people. Visualize watching YouTube videos. Visualize your first ever course failing. Miserable.

Like, literally. That's the sort of thing that you want to visualize yourself doing and pushing through because that's going to help you do the work. Yeah. Isn't that cool? I think that's great.

Matthew McConaughey
Yeah. Visualizing. So in order to manifest what you want, don't just visualize the good things happening. Visualize the bridge. All the things that's going to take to get.

Matthew
Yes. And the hard parts of the bridge, because then you're ready for it. Then you're like, I didn't expect this to be this hard. I mean, it's still going to be hard, right. But you're less likely to quit.

Lewis Howes
Yes. So what have you done in the last five years to help you manifest? After the first book, were you doing this as well or kind of. Once you get on a rhythm and build momentum, does it become easier to manifest in your opinion? Well, so I am constantly training my mind to work for me, and there's this little trick that I talk about in the book that is all sort of the beginning of having a high five attitude.

Mel Robbins
And a high five attitude is the ability to catch yourself when you're going mentally low and to flip yourself back up into a high five attitude. But the thing that I know to be true is that you cannot control the things around you. You can't control what's going to happen. You can't even control how your nervous system might respond or what thoughts might pop into your head. But you can always choose what you do next and what you make it mean.

Right. And so that's where all the power is. And so I do this thing where I. This is. Again, it's going to sound so dumb, but it's a way for me to introduce you to the power that your mind has to change in real time.

Lewis Howes
Okay. We've talked a lot about negative self talk and part of the reason why negative self talk is so crippling is not only because you've repeated it for so long and now it's a pattern, but it's also because you have a filter on your brain called the reticular activity system. Okay? This puppy is the keys to everything. And it's remarkable that most of us have never heard of it.

Mel Robbins
We've experienced it, but we don't know how to use it to our advantage. So first, let me tell you what the ras does. Then I'm going to give you an example of when you've experienced it in your life, and then I'm going to explain to you how to use it to get what you want in life. This is like the super attractor manifesting, and it also works for interrupting negative self talk like it's going to supercharge all the work you're doing with the mirror and interrupting thoughts. So first, let's talk about the ras.

So the ras, imagine a hairnet on your brain, only it's like electric, meaning it's alive. Okay? Now, the res has one job, and the job is block out 99% of what's going on and let in 1% of what's going on. Our brains at this moment in history are having to process about 34 days worth of cell phone data in one day. Crazy.

It's crazy. And so your ras has a monster job. It's like a bouncer at a bar. You're not coming in. You can come in.

And you've experienced this. So have you ever shopped for a car? Yes. Okay, so what's the last car you bought? Tesla.

Oh, Tesla. Oh, fancy Lewis house. I like that. Well, I never had a, I never had a nice car until three years ago. I had a $4,000 car for five years before that.

Yeah, yeah. And then I was like, you know what? I have no bluetooth. I have no. It's like, I just needed an upgrade.

I love it. It's a 1991, dude, you deserve it. At a 1991 Cadillac. And I was like, okay, you deserve it. You never buy a car.

Lewis Howes
So I bought a Tesla. Yeah, right. And so before you thought about buying a Tesla, you drive down the road, you don't really think about it. The second you're like, you know, I think I'm interested in a Tesla. What do you see everywhere?

Teslas? Yes, everywhere. Everywhere. My husband just bought a pickup truck. I never even noticed him.

Mel Robbins
Now I'm like, there are baby blue pickup trucks everywhere. What is going on? That's the bouncer in your brain. And let me tell you how this works. There are only four things that automatically get through the bouncer in your brain.

The Ras number one, your name. So you've experienced being in a crowded place, and somebody's like, you think you hear Louis? You're like, huh? Somebody call my name? That was a bouncer in your brain.

The second thing that always gets let in is any threat to your safety. So there are loud noises all the time, but only ones in close proximity make you go like this. That was the bouncer in your brain letting it in. The third thing that gets let in is when you sense that your partner is interested in sex with you or somebody else. You're like, Chris, stop looking at her.

You know what I'm saying? You kind of pick up on the signals. That's the bouncer in your brain. And the fourth one, and this is where, this is the billion dollar thing that everybody needs to know. The bouncer in your brain lets in whatever you think is important to you.

So when you get intentional about telling your brain what's important to you, like, I'm interested in a Tesla. Your brain's literally like, oh, let's let all the Tesla's in. Come on in. Here's the downside to this. If you have told yourself that you are a bad person for the last ten years, guess what your brain thinks is important.

Examples that mean you're a bad person, right? So I'm going to give you a very specific example. So I personally don't think I'm a bad person. I don't think I'm perfect, but I know I do my best. I mean, well, I don't have that story about myself at all.

I used to, but I don't. And let's say I oversleep, and I miss the dentist. I miss the dentist appointment. I'm like, ugh, I gotta pay the $25. I gotta reschedule that thing.

That kind of blows. That's all I think. And then I go on my daughter, who constantly beats herself up and says she's a bad person. This is a real example, by the way. She oversleeps, misses a dentist appointment, and it becomes, see, I always screw everything up.

I'm a terror. I'm always messing things up. Like, everything that gets let in confirms that you're a bad person. She finds proof and evidence. Yes, that's the bouncer in your mind.

I'm here to tell you that when you get intentional about what you want to think about yourself, it changes in real time. What your brain lets in and what it doesn't, that helps you with the other things that you're doing. The high five in the mirror. The. I'm not thinking about that.

The pathetic month draw. Hey, you know, just because I missed the dentist appointment doesn't mean I'm a bad person. I'm doing the best I can here. Give myself a break. High five.

You know what I'm saying? Shake it off. Get back in there. It's true. Right?

Lewis Howes
Right. Because it's these little things. Somebody cuts you off. Somebody reaches for the last thing of cereal that you wanted to buy at the grocery store. You think it's like a sign that the world's out to get you.

Mel Robbins
This is all your story and your mind, skewing the world to prove all of the stuff you keep repeating. And the only way to get a handle on it is to start acting the opposite. Like, high five yourself, even though you don't feel like it. Interrupt the crap that you keep saying. Put your hands on your heart and settle your body down.

Lewis Howes
Yeah. All of these things are things that somebody does when they care about themselves, when they think they deserve to be treated with kindness, when they think they deserve support, and when they realize they need it. And when you start to build yourself back up, you'll show up very differently in other relationships. Absolutely. You know, if you tolerate this kind of treatment from yourself, you'll tolerate it from other people.

Mel Robbins
It does begin with you. And when you create boundaries and you don't abandon yourself, then you won't abandon yourself with other people either. You won't let them cross the boundaries. Correct. Like, if you stand in front of the mirror every single morning, and you're like, I look like crap.

I am not good enough. I'm unhappy with my life. And then you step into a relationship, and somebody leaves you on red, and they ghost you for three days. Like, you come to expect that because that's how you believe you think you deserve to be treated. When you stand in front of a mirror and you're like, hey, you're awesome.

We got this. I got you. I know it's hard. You know, we're gonna go do this, or, hey, this is a big day today. I've got this huge presentation.

I am going to destroy this. You get into it, you're excited, then you're creating momentum for yourself. Otherwise, what, you're gonna stand there like, oh, my God, I'm gonna screw this up. I'm not prepared. It's like the negative morning routine.

It leads to negative actions. Absolutely. So this training thing, training your r. E. S.

So here's what I want you to do. Starting tomorrow, after you wake up and make your bed and kind of settle your nervous system and high five yourself after setting your intention. So now you're, like, sending yourself into your morning routine in a totally different way with a calm down nervous system, an intention, and this boost of feeling supported and loved and celebrated. I want you to find one naturally occurring heart shape as you go through your day. I saw this in your book.

Yeah. It could be a stone. It could be a leaf on the ground. It could be a cloud shape. It could be a coffee stain.

It could be an oil stain on the floor of a garage. It could be a spot on a dog walking by. I want you to tell your mind, let's find a heart. Let's see if we can find a heart. And something weird is going to happen.

You're going to see something, and then I want you to literally supersize what's going on in your brain. And what you do is when you see the heart, I want you to then take a moment and literally congratulate yourself. Like, feel like, oh, my God, I found it. Like, whatever you believe in, God, the universe, like, greater connection. You put that there for me, and I found it.

And I want you to feel this kind of wave of. That's kind of cool. Yeah, I just saw a heart. And then that positive thing. Remember how I told you the bouncer in your brain pays attention to what's important to you when you get your nervous system celebratory involved?

That makes your brain really pay attention, just like trauma makes your brain pay attention. It does. So you supercharge the experience by celebrating it and then look for another one around. I see hearts all day long. And what happens when you start to play this game is you will start to realize you are walking by an entirely different world every single day because you're not looking for it.

There are opportunities. There are signs. There are mile markers. Your path that you are literally tuning out. Yes.

And we can all sit in this moment, Louis, and look back and see how the dots of our life connect us here. The coolest thing about practicing the high five habit, this training of finding hearts and the high five attitude, is that you start to ground yourself in the idea that this, too, is a dot on the map of your life, and it is leading you somewhere incredible. And when you start to have that kind of high five attitude, that there are signs, whether it's the little hearts that you're now seeing. Or it's your ability to catch guilt or people pleasing or insecurity, or the negative self talk and be like, nope, not going down. Not thinking about that.

54321. Let's get that high five attitude back. I can do this. I can have my own back. It's not going to be perfect, but I can keep going.

When you stand in front of a mirror and ignore yourself, you're like the losing NBA team. Interesting. Selfish on your own, isolated. You're not in partnership with the person you're staring at in the mirror. You don't have your own back because you're ignoring yourself.

Yes, there's another study, and this one is, I think, even more powerful.

Ed Mylett
Range Rover Sport leads by example. Picture this assertive on road performance meets commanding all terrain capability. That's the third generation Range Rover Sport, which is the most desirable, advanced, and dynamically capable one yet. This vehicle redefines sporting luxury, offering an instinctive drive with engaging on road dynamics and effortless composure. Now available in sleek new stealth pack carpathian gray exterior wrapped in satin protective film with black accents and black brake calipers.

Inside the Range Rover Sport, advanced cabin technologies like active noise cancellation and cabin air purification offer new levels of comfort and refinement. And let's not forget about the award winning Pivi Pro infotainment system. Enjoy a dynamic drive and total comfort with optional 22 way adjustable heated and ventilated electric memory front seats with massage function. Wow, that's like a spa day. While on the go, design your Range Rover sport at land roverusa.com.

one of my favorite parts about my job is that I get the opportunity to travel a lot. And actually I was thinking about something I wanted to share. I get a lot of questions from you about different side hustle ideas, so here's one for those of you out there who are often on the go like I am, when you're staying in your Airbnb on your trips, have you ever thought about how you could be making some extra money by hosting through Airbnb while your home is vacant? If you're interested in an extra stream of income, Airbnb hosting is an easy place to start, and it's like giving your home some company while you're away. Many people host on Airbnb, including some friends of mine who have raved to me about their experience.

But there are some people out there who've never imagined their space could be an Airbnb. Hosting can easily fit into your lifestyle, and it's a great way to earn some extra money. So if you have a home but you're not always at home, you've got yourself an Airbnb. Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com.

Mel Robbins
Host so they did this study where they wanted to know what's the most motivating thing to help somebody get through a really big challenge. They divide, the researchers divide kids into three groups, right? And they gave each of the groups of kids very challenging problems to work through. And they wanted to measure, okay, how resilient, how long would they work? What were their attitudes like?

And then they measured it based on, well, what form of praise or support are we going to give each one of these groups? And let's see, what's the most empowering? First group gets what we know to be the fixed mindset stuff. The praise was all verbal praise, and it was simply about a trait. Louis, you are so smart.

You know, you are a super student praising something that is just sort of a compliment about you. The second group of students working on a challenging problem got praise based on work ethics. So something in their control. Oh, Louis, you're working so hard, Louis, you got such good perseverance, Louis. You know, you're really, like, just grinding away over there.

Good job. Those guys did better than Louis. You're smart, Louis. Hardworking, better. The third, the researcher, simply walked up, did not say a word, and high fived the kid.

Matthew
Really? That's it? That's it. That group, literally, exponentially more motivated, worked longer, worked through more challenging problems. Now, here's the big question.

Mel Robbins
Why? Why would a simple high five with no verbal praise be more empowering and motivating and inspiring and develop more resilience and confidence and motivation inside somebody? And the reason why is this, a high five affirms your deepest fundamental needs. It's not just a gesture. When you high five somebody, particularly somebody who has either blown the free throw shot or is working on something difficult or going through a really hard time.

When you high five them, you're saying, I see you. When you high five them during a challenge, you actually are acknowledging. I know this is hard. So the person feels heard. And because it's one to one, and you have to be really intentional.

Like, if you and I go to high five, like, we have to focus on it. That was a good one. If you miss it, what do you do? You gotta do it again. Correct.

So there's an intentionality behind it, and that makes you feel like you're being affirmed as a unique individual, interesting and so all of those things are in that one gesture. Now it goes even more. So there's even more here. So I was talking to our buddy, Doctor Daniel. Amen.

Right? And so one of the world's leading experts on brains. He's got, like, 60,000 brain scans. I think it's like 120,000. Oh, isn't it?

Lewis Howes
This one crazy. Yeah. So he was so excited about the high five habit, he completely geeked out. He's like, oh, my gosh. Yes, yes, yes.

Mel Robbins
He's like, yes, neurobics. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So we then he said, let me tell you what else is going on, Mel. And I'm like, really? There's more?

He said, yeah. He said, you know how when you do it, you said you felt like a little kind of boost in your mood? He said, well, there are two things going on there. He said, first of all, when you cross a finish line in a race, what do you do? Put your hands up.

Yeah. What do you do when your favorite. Team high five someone? Yeah. You high five somebody.

What do you do at a musical concert? Yay. What do you do? You know, you're raising your hand in celebration when you high five somebody or fist bump them or put your arm around them. That raised arm gesture, in a positive sense triggers your nervous system to tingle with celebration.

It's the energy of celebration, even if you're going through something difficult. And even more, you get a dopamine drip when you do this. And so part of the reason why you feel this kind of shift in your mood and you feel a little bit of like, oh, okay, I can face this. I can do this. I got.

This is because of the dopamine. It's because of the nervous system, and it's because of all of this positive programming associated with that gesture. Isn't that crazy? That's powerful. That's powerful.

Lewis Howes
I mean, so what does someone do, though, if they just constantly have the negative self talk on their mind that they're no good? Do they go in front of the mirror, you know, every ten minutes, and do this, or is there another strategy behind the negative self talk? Well, okay, so first things first. Definitely make this high five in the mirror a habit. Okay.

Mel Robbins
So start practicing it. Give it five to ten days, and start to see what happens. The second thing that you can do with negative self talk, okay, is you need to start to interrupt it. So the thing about negative self talk is that it is typically something you've engaged in since you were yay high and in addition to it being wired into your brain, it is also something that can get triggered by your nervous system in stressful situations. And so the first step, and we can talk more about the filter in your brain and how the filter in your brain is causing you to stay stuck in a lot of this negative self talk and how to use your mind to help you.

But the first step is you got to do the awful part of getting self aware of what the voice is saying and the way that you do that. There's a couple techniques that you can use to create what researchers or psychologists call objectivity. You want to separate yourself from the voice so you can do what Lewis is doing. He's writing down right now in a journal. You can keep just a little notebook with you, and you can kind of catalog when your attitude tanks.

And what are you actually saying to yourself? So should we write down all the things we're saying? You could be negative about ourselves. You can. You can.

I personally do it this way. I start to notice when I feel down or I start to notice when my energy drops, and then I tune into what I'm thinking about. And if it's negative, I go, 54321. Yeah, I literally notice. Oh, you're sitting there thinking you're a bad person again.

Oh, you're sitting there thinking that somebody's mad at you again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you screw everything up again. Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you. That nothing ever works out for you. Oh, interesting.

Oh, you're sitting there thinking that you've blown it. Interesting. And then I go, 54321. I'm not thinking about that. That's the most basic technique to use, because what I want you to do, since this is like operating on autopilot, it's encoded right here when you're not really thinking, this is what's running kind of like the soundtrack of your life, when you just start to notice that you have a thought that's not helping you.

You can't control that it popped up. But guess what you can do? You can smack it down. Yeah. And so I use the five second rule, which we've talked about a lot on your show.

Count backwards. 54321. The counting backwards awakens your prefrontal cortex. It gives you a moment of control and then the way to build distance. Lewis is saying, I'm not thinking about that.

And here's why you're so used to thinking this way. I can't just say, stop thinking you're fat, and start thinking that you love your body. Right. It's not gonna happen. Yes.

It's not gonna happen. Right. Right. So you've gotta go, oh, there I am. I'm trashing the way that I look.

I'm telling myself that I'm overweight, I look like I'm hideous. Nobody's gonna love me. Be like 54321. I am not thinking about that. It's an act of defiance.

See, I want you to go from these negative thought patterns to a more positive, empowering high five attitude. Because if you continue to live in, I'm fat, I'm unworthy, no one's going to love me, I've screwed up my life. That will be your life. Right. And the trick on this is, I'm not saying change your thoughts and unicorns appear.

I'm saying change your thoughts so you stop the 24/7 beat down and learn how to lift yourself up so that you can face the things that are going on in your life and so that you can take the actions that you need to take to change your life. Because the reason why you're not changing is not because you're not capable. It's not because of the trauma or your past or anything else. It's because of the beat down. That's why you're not changing.

Lewis Howes
It's draining. It's draining. It's demoralizing. It is. And by the way, if you constantly are like, I'm unlovable, I'm worthy, I'm this, I'm that, why on earth would you feel motivated?

Mel Robbins
Or do you think you deserve to change? If that's the thing in your mind, it doesn't work. And so pay attention. When you feel your energy go negative, be like, oh, okay, what am I? Oh, whoa, that's disgusting.

Five fourth. I'm not thinking about that. You don't have to insert anything else. The second thing you can do is once you kind of get good at interrupting it, I want you to name, like, let's turn it into a character. So I did this with our son Oakley, when he was struggling pretty profoundly with anxiety when he was in the fifth grade, he named his anxiety Oliver.

And then we asked him to describe Oliver. And Oliver was like this pimply faced kid that. What is that? The diary of the wimpy kid, kind of bully looking kid. And whenever the negative worries and stuff would come up, he would literally, you could literally hear him go, Oliver, shut up.

And it is the ability. What's happening when you name it and picture the person is that you're able to detach yourself from that voice in your mind that's talking. Because that voice is typically a caregiver that either talked to you that way or talked to themselves that way, or some bully or some trauma experience or some nasty coach that beat this into your head. It's from somebody else. And so we want you to separate yourself so you can be like, oh, that's what Oliver sounds like.

That's not actually how I want to talk to myself. Right? And so identifying it, interrupting it, and then you can get into the really incredible magic of rewiring your brain to work for you.

Matthew
I think we can all agree, we all want more. We have dreams, we have goals. We gotta ask yourself first, more what? And that starts, I think, by going, answering that question, what do I value the most? And so look at the things that you already got in your holster that you value because you don't want to be reckless with those things and cast them off and let all the weeds grow around those.

And then all of a sudden, you can't even recognize that garden. So I think that the first things were about taking care of things that I. That I value. They were very personal. They were taking care of myself.

They were taking care of my mom, take care of the family, take care of my relationship with God. They were very, very, very personal things to me that I knew and believed would be lifelong maintenance journeys. And that things that I believed at that time that no, taking care of those is never going to go out of style for you. But pick out the things that are not, not the fads, because we'll write things down. Those three maseratis.

Lewis Howes
Yeah. Hey, man, you get 20 years from now, you ain't like Maseratis, not like a Bugatti, you know what I mean? So don't write Maserati, you know what I mean? Watch out what proper nouns we're using because some of them may be just fickle, you know what I mean? So those the proper nouns, family, God, myself, Jeff, those are things that I gave value to and gave me value and meaning in my life.

Matthew
And so I was like, I was already in the. I was already in the midst of those. And those are things I said, I'm not going to forgive these, and I'm not going to, no matter who I become, I'm not going to say, oh, these are no longer on my plate. I don't need to worry about these. Like you said, the Oscar, that's a new one.

That's something that was out there. That's big. Becoming a father that's out there. But since I was eight years old, the one thing I knew I wanted to be was a father. I knew I wanted to meet the right person, right woman for me.

Didn't have her, hadn't met her yet. At that point, it's far from it.

So start with the things that we got in our saddle that you do already give about that already give you meaning and value in your life and double down on those, project forward. And if that happens, what will. What will I dream of it to become?

And then if you're going to talk about. I think when we're talking about a career, we got to ask ourselves first. I think this would be really valuable for everyone to ask yourself first, what do you have an innate ability for? For an innate talent for and what are you willing? Is that the same thing you're willing to work your for?

And then thirdly, which is a little bit more of an asterisk, is that something that the world would demand if we're going to go straight? Capitalism, supply and demand. But we often look at things and I've done it. I'll bust my hump for it. But I'm like, I'm really not that good at it.

Okay. Or I've got something that sometimes we have things that we're really good at. We're like. But I kind of just a natural. I don't want to work at it.

If you can find something that you have an innate ability for. We love doing things we have an innate ability for. Right. Having innate talents in our DNA for. And then go.

Now I'm ready to educate myself, learn, hustle, go after, see, create opportunities. Bam, bam. It's going to be in the prism of my. How I measure every situation where I am going forward. Hunt it down and do what you got to do to get better at it.

And then it's hopefully something that the world can demand. You're. That's a sweet spot. Now you're paying your rent, man.

Now we're rolling. Now we're waking up, up with some purpose. Now we're waking up with, you know, yeah, it's gonna be a hard day today, but I don't. I can't. I'm not dreading Monday morning, you know, may want to sleep in, but I got.

I'm building something. I'm building something here. I'm in construction. One of the things that you. I want to connect that to this thought here.

Lewis Howes
622, Matthew, 622. If thine I be single, the whole body will be full of light. Yeah. I believe that's your favorite passage. Yeah.

Matthew
Yeah. You went on a journey, you know, after the. It was either in the middle or at the end of tail end of your rom.com, you know, stardom. And you went to. On a trip, went on a journey with yourself.

Yeah. I think for 28, 22 days. 22 days in the Amazon. Yeah. And there was a moment in the book where you talk about, essentially you had to kind of have a coming to, you know, moment with yourself where you had to shed all the identities that you were held on to.

Lewis Howes
Your rings, your heritage, your background, your clothes, your. I'm famous. I'm a rom.com guy. I'm an actor. You had to shed all of it.

Matthew McConaughey
Yep. And what was the thing that you found when you let go of your identity in the outer world? But I was a mammal.

Matthew
A mammal. And for me, as a believer, a child of God. That's it.

Mel Robbins
Baseline.

Matthew
And the mammal we can all agree on. Right. The child of God. That was for me and any other believers. But the baseline, I got rid of.

I remember my dad's ring, which had an m on it. Gold melted down from my mom and dad's class rings, and gold from my mom's teeth. Meant a lot to me. Yeah, but it was an identity marker. I'm a McConaughey.

This is about my dad. I had my american cap that I'd worn for two decades. I'm an american. Gonna get rid of that. Got rid of all these little talismans that were identities and titles that meant something.

They weren't random. They were healthy ones. Yeah, but I stripped them all off. It was like bull. And, no, you're not famous.

And, no, it's not. You were before you were ever an actor. Before. What are you? What were you before you were McConaughey, before you were Texan?

Before you in America. Before you an actor. Before you movie star. For you, a celebrity. What?

Come on, get it all off. And I. It was a purge, basically. And I ended up. That was.

There was a. I was a naked, sweating mammal.

I was like your mammal child of God. And that's what you are. So we've stripped off all the accoutrements. We've stripped off the ornaments. Here we are.

And that is the night that I was like, this happened a couple times in my life, and I think this is important verse all to do at some point. That's when I was like, okay, and what other truth do we know? Makanahay, tell you what. Another truth I realize right now is that. But you're the only son can't get rid of.

So we're going to duke it out for the rest of our life here. Or we're going to figure out how to get along. What are we going to forgive right now? And what are we going to say? The buck stops here.

No more. I'm not putting up with it because I'm tired of playing grass with yourself. I'm going to cut the man.

Let's get along. I can't get rid of you. Everybody else, every other relationship out there's a choice. You're the one person I don't have a choice to hanging out with. So let's work this out.

And just like going back and saying the embarrassment and shame turning to giggles, I began to go like, man, maybe you're being too hard on yourself on this thing. You know what? To get that monkey off your back. You're human, man. Forgive yourself and these other things.

Dude, you've been a repeat offender. It hadn't been paid you back. You've been regretting that choice every time you make it. And you keep frickin making it. Cut, man.

Evolve. Turn the page. No more. And next morning, I remember even the Sherpas and stuff in Peru. I came out of the tent and they all started going, lalose la Louis.

Light the light, light. And they were talking about me and the way I was moving. And I went for a walk. And for the first time during that trip, I didn't give a damn about what was around the next corner. You weren't thinking about the destination?

I wasn't thinking about the destination. Getting to the Amazon and how it's been eleven days. When are we going to get there? Mind you, this eleven days prior I had not really been present in the trip because I was thinking about the result. Getting to the destination much.

And then this morning, after that night, I'm walking. I'm not even thinking about what's around the next corner. And when I did turn the corner, I was stopped by this sea of atomic plugged in neon blue, like a puddle, like a bubbling puddle in the middle of my jungle path. And it stopped me. And I looked at it.

I've never seen colors this, this neon and bright. It was like it was not man made. It was glowing. I'm completely sober this time. No ayahuasca, no peyote.

This is straight eyed, right? And it stopped me. And as I stared at it for about 30 seconds, all of a sudden it started to flutter and rise and. Dissipate it. It was tens of thousands of these amazonian butterflies.

Lewis Howes
Wow. And I stayed there for a minute, and then this little word, words came into my brain from the prime mover that said, all I want is what I can see, and what I can see is in front of me.

Matthew
I was free. I was light. It was magical. I walked. I turned the corner, went down the trail.

There was the Amazon. I finally made it. Made it to the river right after that moment. Did not know if I was still days away, weeks away. What stuff like that happens.

We got to listen. Those are some of those truths that come, you go. Nobody else was here to witness that. That was not for the whole class. That was not on the speaker.

That was not on the bulletin. That was not on the nightly news. That was not even at church on Sunday with the congregation. That wasn't at school, that wasn't sitting around the dinner table with mom and dad learning lessons. It wasn't from a mentor.

That was for me. In this moment, I must heed that truth. You've been on this journey of a lot of people seeing you on screen and your personalities on screen and your talent in characters. But now, over the last three to four years, you've been revealing yourself more and more through your book, through all of your amazing content online, all the interviews you've been doing, and all the solo content, which I think is amazing. Please keep doing that.

Thank you. I think it's amazing, these lessons that you share. You know, the last story you just told, you know, had the entire room just, like, in awe and in shock and just silent here as you were talking about this truth that you realized from within essentially came through God, and you realized from within no one was around you. And I, and I mentioned this quote before that if thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light. Matthew 622, what does that mean to you?

Lewis Howes
If thine eye be single, thy whole body will be full of light. And that light came to you in that moment, and these Sherpas were saying, you know, la luce la lus, you are radiating light after this came to you. Why is this your favorite passage? And, and what does it mean for you? And how can we start to step into that?

Matthew
So the mandorla, this is what the mandora is. So we. We see, we're. We so often are seeing life in contradictions, right? Future, the past, heaven, hell, technology, culture.

And we see them as contradictions. And when in truth, that's. That's two eyes, right? And there's judgment on either side. There's a duality there with the truth is in that third eye.

Lewis Howes
Interesting. Where they overlap. And that's not a shade. So we go, oh, that's a shade of gray. No, it's not a shade of gray.

Matthew
What the verse is saying, what I get from it, because that's where all the colors live. All the colors of the truth live. That passage, when I always tell myself, keep a high eye. Keep the high eye. It's third eye.

It shows up in all the religions, too. It shows up everywhere.

It's a way of perceiving the truth, I think, which lives in the paradox. Paradox is a word that some people go, oh, don't get into paradox. That's too, I don't know, academic or whatever. No, paradox is where it's both are true. Two things to be true at the same time.

It's today, we could utilize it. It's like they seek to understand you and where you're coming from. First, I'm probably gonna. Before I seek to be understood. We don't usually has to do with listening.

Has to do with how we see things. It's how. It's how we judge. It's very easy. And especially today, I think we love to be judge and jury on others and ourselves.

It's a very arrogant thing for us to do. And this passage, if thou I be single and not a dual contradiction, and seeing the contradiction, things have gone, oh, this is true, and that's true. And instead of or right, there's. That's where the truth lives, I believe. And it doesn't mean that you just straddle the fence and you're non committal about anything, right?

That's not what it means. It doesn't mean you're just mister in between. So that's true and that's true, and it's all okay. No, you can then have judgment, but see both first. See the overlap of the truth and understand it from both sides, and then be understood.

And you can then have judgment, but see it through that lens first, because we just don't do it. We come in with one eye, or we me. Us versus them, me versus you, my idea versus yours. Left versus right, Democrat versus Republican, even. How far can you go?

Can you go down to right versus wrong, good versus bad? I mean, we see them as contradictions, and they're not. We all know we all got a little good in us. We all got a little bad. It's a choice we make where we then have judgment.

So that passage has elevated my pov quite a bit, and after which one that I daily remind myself if I'm getting a low eye on somebody, if I'm condescending people, if I'm objectifying people, I'm like, whoa, whoa. Hi. I. Buddy, come on, open that third eye. You're not.

It's not, it's not open. My kids can see it in my eyes when I'm talking to him, if I'm talking at them or if I stop and really look at them and maybe there's something, maybe it's a form of discipline, but then they can see if I'm looking at them like, I love you. This is why I'm trying to teach you this. All of a sudden they go, my son said it. I see your third eye.

Lewis Howes
Really? 622. I'm like, yeah, yeah. He's like, I heard you. I didn't hear you before when you were talking just at me, you know, so it's a great.

Matthew
It's a great reminder. Matthew, 622, the whole body will be full of light and you will move lightly and with discernment. Doesn't take away discernment, doesn't take away judgment. Just saying, see it through that lens first and understand that truth is where those overlap. Yeah.

And then make your decision. Wow. I hope you enjoyed todays episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of todays episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our greatness plus channel exclusively on Apple Podcasts.

Lewis Howes
Share this with a friend on social media media and leave us a review on Apple Podcasts as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about. This episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you of no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter.

And now it's time to go out there and do something great.

Ed Mylett
How frustrating is it when you move into a new home and you're excited to settle in and furnish it, but then you're waiting weeks on end, sometimes even a whole month, for your new furniture to finally ship to you? Have you met all modern? Allmodern brings you the best of modern furniture and they deliver it for free in days, not weeks. Yep, that's right. They deliver it in days.

Waiting weeks for your order to arrive isn't ideal, especially when you've just moved. Get your sofa aSAP from all modern and sit comfortably while building out the rest of your space that's modern made simple at all modern. You'll find only the best of modern styles, from scandi to mid century and minimalist to maximalists. Every piece is hand vetted for quality and designed for real life. Shop the best of modern outdoor furniture, timeless decor and everything in between.

Find timeless designs in every style that fold, function and fun all in one, from small decor swaps to full room revamps. All modern has you covered@allmodern.com. or visit them in store in Linfield or Dedham, Massachusetts, or in Austin, Texas. Feel the pulse of the city. Feel the beat of the drum.

Mel Robbins
Feel the bass blow your hair in Las Vegas, live music delivers much more than sound. It's where music comes alive. With artists like Megan Thee, Stallion, Maroon Five, Carrie Underwood, Shania Twain, Babyface, Lionel Richie and many more. Every show is a playground for your senses. See the full summer lineup@visitlasvegas.com.

dot.

Achieve 70% MORE SUCCESS: 3 Visualization HACKS to Boost Your CONFIDENCE

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction to Visualization Techniques

2: Aligning Intentions and Actions

3: Overcoming Insecurities

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Content Warnings:

Transcript