Money Mantras Kids Need to Hear

This episode focuses on the importance of teaching children about financial literacy, featuring insights from money expert Alexa von Tobel.

1. Money should be presented as a neutral tool that facilitates life, not as a source of stress or a taboo subject.
2. Introducing financial literacy early in life empowers children to make informed decisions and avoid common financial pitfalls.
3. Regular discussions about money can demystify financial concepts and reduce anxiety surrounding financial decisions.
4. Setting clear financial goals and demonstrating savings strategies can teach children the value of money and delayed gratification.
5. Engaging children in financial decision-making helps them develop practical understanding and respect for money.

1: Introduction

Dr. Becky Kennedy introduces the episode's theme on financial literacy for children and the relevance of having open discussions about money. Dr. Becky Kennedy: "It's so important to talk about money with kids to prevent it from becoming a taboo topic."

2: Expert Discussion

Alexa von Tobel discusses her new book and the critical need for financial education starting in childhood. Alexa von Tobel: "We're playing defense by fixing financial mistakes in adulthood, but we should be teaching kids to play offense with their money management."

3: Practical Tips

The discussion shifts to practical financial teaching for children, including setting up savings accounts and understanding budgets. Alexa von Tobel: "Teaching kids about savings and budgets early sets them up for financial independence."

4: Q&A

The hosts address listener questions about implementing financial discussions at home. Dr. Becky Kennedy: "Use everyday moments to introduce financial concepts in a non-threatening way."

1. Introduce Money as a Tool: Teach children that money is a tool for achieving goals and fulfilling needs, not a measure of worth.
2. Discuss Financial Goals: Help children set and understand financial goals, explaining how saving money can help achieve them.
3. Encourage Savings: Start a savings account for children and involve them in tracking their savings progress.
4. Make Money Tangible: Use physical money or visual aids to help younger children grasp the concept of money and its value.
5. Model Financial Discussions: Regularly discuss household financial decisions openly in front of children to normalize the conversation.

As the saying goes, money makes the world go round. But we're often not taught financial literacy in schools. And few families talk about money openly with their kids. Today, Alexa von Tobel, author of Rebel Girls Money Matters: A Guide to Saving, Spending, and Everything in Between joins Dr. Becky to help break down how we should be talking to our kids and teaching them about money.
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People

Alexa von Tobel, Dr. Becky Kennedy

Companies

Inspired Capital

Books

"Money Matters" by Alexa von Tobel

Guest Name(s):

Alexa von Tobel

Content Warnings:

None

Alexa von Tobel
Hi. I love that you've developed a habit with good inside in listening to this podcast. What that tells me is you're a parent who wants to lean in, who takes parenting seriously. And that's why I definitely want you to know that as Mother's Day approaches, we are offering a sale on our membership. I want to lower the barrier so it's just a little easier for you to take that next step and get the support and the resources that I'm guessing you've been thinking about where you just haven't quite pulled the trigger yet.

This is an amazing moment to do this. I think it's the best investment you can make in yourself. Without a doubt the best investment you can make in your kit. I think you're going to be blown away by what's inside membership and I cannot wait for you to access it. Go to goodinside.com or the link in the show notes to to take that next step with that 25% discount.

I can't wait to see you inside.

Today's episode is about money. Yes, about how to talk to your kids about money. This is an episode I have benefited so much from listening to because money is one of those topics that of course is important to educate our kids about. But most of us weren't talked to directly about money so we often don't. Know where to start.

For this episode I brought in money. Expert Alexa von Tobel. Alexa is many things. She's the founder and managing partner of Inspired Capital. Prior to inspired, Alexa founded Learnvest in.

2008 with a goal of helping people make progress on their money. She's an investor in good inside shes the New York Times bestselling author of financially fearless and financially forward and she just had a brand new book come out Rebels money matters, a guide to saving, spending and everything in between. This book is as applicable to boys as it is to girls and honestly. Its equally applicable to parents. Im Doctor Becky and this is good inside.

Well be right back.

Lets be honest, parenting is expensive and I hear all the time from parents that there are so many things they want to do that just dont fit into their budget and it can feel kind of powerless. What else can I do to have some extra cash to show up as the parent I want to be to give my kids the experiences they want? And I wanted to make sure you all knew of something that doesn't always come to mind, but is an amazing way to have some extra money for that family vacation, that soccer class, that lunch you want to go out to with your friends. Being an Airbnb host means that you are providing another family an amazing experience. Because I know you've created your home with a family in mind, and it's a great way to earn some extra money for all the different things you want to do.

Your home might be worth more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com. Host.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
So this is the episode that everybody didn't know they always needed. I really, really mean this, where I get so many questions from parents about allowance, about chores, about entitlement, about gratitude. And underlying all of those things is money. And it's one of these topics that I feel like parents, we're all, me too, under equipped to talk about it with our kids, even though it is such an important thing in our lives. So let's just start with you just wrote a book about how to talk to kids about money, how to talk to girls about money, how to empower girls around money to become women who are kind of fearless financial leaders.

Tell me about that and what kind of sparked your interest in doing that. Sure. One of the things that really occurred to me, money matters so much. And the name of the book is literally called money matters with rebel girls. And it occurred to me that actually helping people in their twenties and thirties is really about fixing money mistakes.

Alexa von Tobel
It's, you got into credit card debt, you didn't realize how missing one bill hurt your credit score. And now we're playing defense, we're fixing problems. And Becky, money is such an important thing. It is not something that we need to worship. It's not something we should ignore.

It's simply a tool that helps empower our lives in. What very occurred to me was it's still not taught in schools. How is that possible? And I finally said, I have three little kids. I have to go do something about this.

If somebody else isn't going to do it, I'm going to. And so I wrote the book and something shifted inside me and I realized, I'm like, we're helping kids play offense with money. And simply by teaching some really important basics that, honestly, a kid as young as first grade can fundamentally get, you can empower their lives and change their lives, candidly, because if you have control over your money, you have a very different life. And so something shifted me. And I said, I guess I gotta go do it.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yeah. You know, if I think about what I still remember, even just a little bit of school, kind of the words like sign, cosine, tangent, like, I don't actually know the formulas but I know that was a big part of my learning. I feel like in some of those classes, had I learned about money, like, it just would be a little more cosine. Just doesn't come up that often in daily conversations. I mean, it just.

Alexa von Tobel
I'm actually giggling so much because I'm trying to remember the formula in my head. But you're right. It was, like, jammed into our brain. What if they just took that one. Hypotenuse over opposite side?

Dr. Becky Kennedy
I don't know. Something like that. I mean, I can triangle my way out of anywhere, but if they would have taken that one class that one day and just put 30 minutes of basic financial literacy, you can change a kid's life. It's really that simple. And so I think that's what we need to do is teach kids about money.

Alexa von Tobel
It's really important. Yeah. So this is going to be that lesson for parents, and this is really going to be a tool they can then use to talk to their kids. And I think it's really also a form of intergenerational change to say, my kids will be empowered from the start with knowledge about money. Like you said, I love that there's a lot between worshiping and ignoring, and I think that's exactly where we want to be.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
And probably one of the reasons kids worship money is actually because no one actually talks to them about how it's a tool in their lives. Right? That's right. So, okay, let's start with some money basics. And I love that in the first chapter of your book, you actually have some mantras for kids.

And I am known as kind of a lover of mantras. I love a good mantra. So I hadn't ever considered mantras around money, but I love the way you go through these. So can you share some of these money mantras with us and really, also why they're really valuable? Yes.

Alexa von Tobel
So this is really important. And there's a study out of the University of Michigan, and here's just the punchline of it. And Becky, so much of it matches everything about you and good inside and your parenting principles, which is tone around money. Kids absorb as young as five. What does that mean?

If in your house, money is something that is positive and upbeat and matter of fact and on the table in just a simple conversation that you have almost unemotionally or slightly, slightly to the positive versus toxic, stressful wrought with anxiety, kids absorb that. And that is often the relationship that they mirror to money. So I have never met somebody in my career, and I have talked to tens of thousands of people that has said to me, I feel awesome about money. I feel so relaxed about money. It's never happened.

We all, even, both you and I, sit in care. Money worries us. It stresses us out. It is there. But I even think to like my little kids.

I remember the teacher saying to the whole class, hey, guys, you're going to go home and tell your kids that you love math, even if you didn't tell them you love math. Becky, you once said to me, if you just sort of teach kids, I'm good at hard things. You taught me that. And I say that all the time to my kids now. You're really good at hard things ever since you were little.

You want kids to feel safer around money, and there will always be people with more. There will always be people with less. Money does not equal happiness. So you nailed it. There's that really healthy lane in the middle that we want our kids to have.

So you parents need to fake it till you make it. Even if you feel stressed about money, don't let your kids see it. You need to be matter of fact. You need to keep a positive attitude. We have bills.

We pay them. We can pay them. And kids will mirror that and they will show up as healthy adults with money. So I wanna share some of the mantras that stuck out for me. Just cause I know parents are like, well, what are these?

Dr. Becky Kennedy
And what I love in them is that there's a lot of capability. And I think that's a big theme for you. Like, we want people to feel capable around money. It doesn't mean they won't feel stressed. You can feel stressed and capable.

You can want more and feel capable. Money is something I can manage. Money is a tool that helps me live my life. I will be strong and thoughtful with my money. Amen.

Alexa von Tobel
I mean, those are the three mantras that if you have your child, say them and feel empowered, you can reshape how they think about money, which is money is something that I can manage. Money is something I can manage. Money is a tool that helps me live my life. I will be strong and thoughtful with my money. And that's how you want your kids to feel about money?

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Yeah. So I want to model something, and then you can critique me. It'll be a little role play. So I'm thinking, I've never talked to my kids about money, and it's true. I mean, it's all around us.

And it's not like they don't know what the word means, but I've never really had a conversation. I feel like if I'm just going to say, hey, I have mantras around money, they might be like, mom, that's so weird. This is coming out of left field. So I'm going to model something and then you come back to me, hey, you know what's something we've never really talked about? Money.

Just money. I mean, I think you know what it is, but we haven't really talked about it. Tell me, what do you know about money? Because I know you have knowledge, like, so I'm going to step out of the role play. Is that a good place to start, just to kind of information gather?

Alexa von Tobel
I think that's a wonderful place to start, is get inside their head, understand what is their current prism around money. How do they think about it? And what comes out of their heads, I'm guessing will surprise everybody. Actually, I think so, too. And what I want to add in here is when our kids share information or share associations, it's important not to shut them down.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
So it can, might be like, oh, money is the most important thing in the world, and the more of it you have, the better. And we don't have enough money. And it's so easy to say, oh, what? Who taught you that? I never said that.

And what are you talking about? No, kindness is the most important. Whatever we want to say. Right? But when our kids share something, I always think it's just a window into their world.

It's a window. We can take the things our kids say so literally. But if they say something like that, even just saying back, wow, I'm so glad you shared that with me. Right. I wonder where have you learned that?

Is that in school? Is that from us? And just information gathering allows us to actually, then I think alexa share so many of these mantras. Right? Oh, that's so interesting that you think that about money.

You know, one of the things I've been saying to myself a lot about money is just money is something I can manage. Right. You can like, work in instead of, quote, teaching it directly. Right. We can even just work it into a conversation.

You know, one of the things I've been thinking, money is so many things, but money is really a tool that helps me live my life. Just like other tools. It's one of the tools we have. And I think just to give parents a way in, just start by checking in with your kid. Allow them to say whatever they're going to say.

You don't have to undo it. And then some of these mantras can be something you incorporate as, like, a light share instead of some kind of deeply didactic kind of moment. That's right. That's exactly right. And I think you can even say, here's what I say to myself about money.

Alexa von Tobel
Here's. Here's how I talk about money to myself. And we really model our parents in so many ways. And so I think one of the reasons why this book means so much to me is for some parents, you're learning about money right now to teach your kid about money, and that's okay. You can go on the journey together and say, here's my mantras, and I'm learning about some things.

Let's learn together. And so it can also be something that you do with your child to say, let's understand credit scores, let's understand interest rates. Let's understand why investing is so important. And the math is simple. It's second grade math.

So we all can do it side by side. Let's learn together. And I just want to double down on that. That's how I've used it in my own house. I actually think that's the way we all learn best.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Like, if I'm learning how to cook, I don't really want to learn from some super, super professional chef. It's just. It's too intimidating, right? It's too big of a gap. We all actually learn best from people who are just a little bit ahead of us.

That's it. And I think using that with your kids. I've said to my kids, there's this book, and I kind of want to look at it together. Not as an I'm reading it to you more like, we're actually learning this together because no one actually taught me this stuff. So let's go through it.

Maybe we can read a couple things. I might ask you some questions. You might ask me some questions. And really learning together, it's so connecting, it's so deshaming, and it's actually a much better way to absorb information because there's no shame. And I think, actually, maybe the scary thing for us all to say is that all of us, and again, if you're one of the humans out there that feels a about money, please call me.

Alexa von Tobel
I want to hear from you. But we all feel a little shame about money. We all do. Because there's just all. There was always someone, many people that had a lot more.

And I think that's a really important thing that we strip from this next generation, Becky, which is to start from a place of the goal of life is not money. Right. Actually, Becky, one thing that's really helpful is money was literally designed as a tool because we couldn't carry pelts around. We were bartering in pelts. You needed milk.

You needed to get shoes from the guy who makes the shoes and the farmer who makes the milk. And you couldn't carry huge pelts around at one point because it just became literally too laborious. And so that's why we invented money. They're simple little things to transact. And it helps us all barter and share because we can't create everything that we need to live life alone.

We need our community. So money is a tool. It's a tool that helps you live your life. Yeah. Okay, let's talk about money goals.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
You talk about helping kids set money goals. What does that mean? And what are the steps of doing that? So I think one of the really important things with kids is to realize that. Let's take us as grown ups.

Alexa von Tobel
Becky, you want to buy a house? That's a goal. We'd like to buy a house one day. Okay, well, how do we get there? What's the math?

What do we need to save? And teaching kids how to learn how to set goals is really important, because for the rest of their life, every day of their life, money will be there, and it will matter. And so sitting down and learning how to set a goal and then figuring out how do you achieve it, that's part of the habit we want to build. And money is about habits. It's really simple.

And you can start those habits as young as three, four, five, and starting to just build those habits. And so sit down with your child and say, what is one thing that you think you need and what is one thing that you want? And let's first learn the difference. What is one thing we need? And I'll take my little guy.

He needs braces. He's little. We need braces. Okay, well, so we need braces. How much do those cost?

How are we going to get there? And then what's one thing you want in our household? It's a new lego set. All right, that's what you want. It costs $80.

Let's start saving for it and helping them set these little goals and then figuring out in our house, we have allowance. And I actually want to rebrand the word allowance because I think the word is such a weird one. But that's the goal. That's how you think about it. And then matter of fact, simple.

When they're really little, I like clear jars, because they can actually see the money go in and see it grow, and actually, that they're learning math, more money, it's growing, and as they get a little older, you can build charts, and you can help them fill it in and make it really interactive. But the whole goal is you're just teaching them that you have to put some money away every time you get a little bit of money to save up for these things. And it's also really important in this world we live in where money is magical right now. Think about it, Becky. Amazon boxes arrive magically.

Mom and dad bump our phones to get out of a cab where we don't even pay when we get out of an Uber. They don't see the dollars. They don't see the money in the way that we all did with our parents. Like, I understood that every time we left a dinner table, there was money put on the table. Yeah, they don't see anything.

It's magical. So you need to make them see. It, make it concrete. So, so important.

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Dr. Becky Kennedy
On the topic of allowance, I know people, you know different opinions, tying it to chores. Is that what you do in your house? Do not. How do you think through that? We have basics of our house that are par for the course.

Alexa von Tobel
It's part of our family unit where you have to get yourself dressed in the morning. You have to put your clothes in a hamper. You have to make your own little. I mean, my four year old, now five year old, she makes her own bed. I mean, it's not made in a way where you and I would make it perfectly, but she's putting in some effort.

That's not what we pay for. It's above and beyond. It's, hey, can you help break down the extra boxes that came? Can you help mom clean up a really big spill? Those are the sort of things that earn extra money in our household.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
I don't try to be so rigid about this. Different things work for different families, right? In our family, there's an allowance, there's chores. They're totally separate, right? So I think there's so many different ways to do this.

And every family kind of knows their kids and their values and what works, right? I think for me, one of the things I saw in my private practice as kids got older in certain families is parents would say, my kids essentially saying something to me like, well, how much are you going to pay me if I pick up my towel? Right? And you're like, oh, how did we get there? Like, none of us want to get there, right?

And there's other families who say there's a list of things that kids have to do for chores and that is related to their allowance, and we don't find ourselves getting to that situation. If ever we did, we change it. So I just want to empower parents, listening to say, there's no one right way, no one's totally cracked the code on allowance and chores, and trust yourself that you can try something that feels right. And one of the things I think that is the ultimate rule of being a parent is you are the pilot of the plane. So whatever you do as a parent, remind yourself, wait, I'm the adult.

I can kind of always change direction if, you know, the winds blow a different way, and you can, you know, do allowance in, you know, in a way that you hadn't done before. Amen. And that's exactly right. And I think the one key big takeaway here is you want your child to start seeing money. You want them to see it grow.

Alexa von Tobel
You're helping them as it gets. They get even a little bigger, put it in a bank account, because they can watch the balance grow. They're learning compounding interest as early as 5678. That's really powerful because they're like, wow, if I leave it in there, it's growing. The bank pays me 5%.

That's amazing. So that's the goal and also to make money, not magical, because right now they don't see it. So you need to make them physically. See it, make money, not magical. What age should a kid get a bank account?

So I really think that, I mean, ideally, you start a savings account for your children the day they're born and grandparents and in our household, like, we don't need one more toy. If you want to do something, why don't you put a little extra in their savings account? And I do do that pretty regularly. So I would say as early as literally their birthday. But as they get a little older, as they are, seven, eight, nine, I want them to see it.

I want you to log in on your phone, let them see the balance. In our household, we have our kids college savings accounts. They're 529s. Our kids see it. And we do a little check in almost every quarter where they actually can see that it's growing.

My daughter understands investing now. She's like, oh, my gosh, my money grows when I sleep. Yes, that's. You're getting part of being a shareholder of a company is that when those people go to work, it's helping you make money. That's what investing really is, helping them understand that.

And it's just those little powerful tools. So I think digital accounts, really, seven, eight, nine, and you're the boss. You have the logins. You're just letting them see it. You know, one of the things in our allowance guide.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Right, that we talk about is so important to make allowance work for your goals, for your kids. So a lot of the reasons why parents, I think, want to do allowance to some degree is I want my kid to get a sense of money. I want them to know that money doesn't grow on trees. If they want this sticker thing they collect or these cards that when they say, oh, I want that, that it doesn't, like you said, just kind of magically appear that there's a process that they might have to wait. Right.

And so one thing I always encourage parents to think about when they say, well, how much money should I be giving my kids a week is okay, well, is there something your kid kind of wants to buy that is at the level of, I don't want to keep buying this for my kid, and I want them to kind of understand that there's a process to it and saving, well, then, if that's true, without a doubt, the allowance should be in an amount where there has to be waiting built in. So if they, I don't know, want something that's cost, let's say it's $10 allowance should only be in an amount that they would have to wait a certain number of weeks to even get that, because if they get allowance, then immediately can go to the store that's not actually in line with. I think what you and I know is actually helpful to humans, which is you have to work, you have to wait, you have to watch it grow in a bucket. And so just thinking again, every family is different, but how is this actually going to teach my kids in real life experience the values I actually want them to have? Now, instead of plucking someone else's allowance?

Policy, I have a policy that I made that actually works for what I'm trying to achieve. That's exactly right. And the key there is we're teaching kids smart habits around patience. And patience is one of the most important things to make sure that we teach our kids. I heard it's a virtue.

I'm working on it. But I am also. That's what I've heard. I'm strongly working on it, too. Becky, I think one of the really big keys here.

Alexa von Tobel
So let's take retirement, right? For both you and I, we are saving for retirement first. I like to reframe things like big, big, big efforts that our kids put in. So instead of calling it retirement savings, we think of it in our household, is retirement spending. You are delaying gratification today so that you can do more exciting things tomorrow.

And I think that's a very powerful shift for a child to really understand. And I think of my own, every time that money comes out of my paycheck and goes in my retirement account, I'm not like, ugh, I'm saving. I'm like, yay, I'm bigger spending later. And I think that's an important way to think. And for our children, there's got to be the right amount so that they have to learn to wait.

That is the habit that we're teaching them, which is every time you make any money, your little allowance or a little bit of babysitting or your first summer internship, you know, waiting a table, that money, we're going to take a chunk of it. We're going to put it away for the future so that you can store up for things you're more excited about. And the other part of that equation, while you're teaching them to wait, is you're also. Life is about choices, Becky. And guess what?

None of us will ever have so much money that you get all of it. It's just there is no number where you get all of it, because there's always more. And that's one of the hardest parts about money, is you can always want more. Yes. So you're really teaching them to make trade offs of what do they value and what do they want?

And it's just really, do you really want that water bottle on the street? Or could you wait three minutes till we walk in the front door where water is free? That's a choice. And you're teaching them to make smarter. Choices and you're teaching them going back to capability.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Like, I'm capable of waiting, I'm capable of. And, you know, my big thing is I'm capable of tolerating frustration. That's what kind of, you know, good decision making is generally all about, is tolerating the frustration of wanting and not having in the present moment. And so allowance and these policies really gives a kid the right experience. Their body would need to be like, wow, I did want that for three weeks.

I did want that for a long period of time. I did make a choice not to have something now, so I was more likely to have something better later. And we can't expect our kids. People always say to me, like, when is my kid gonna be grateful? When is my kid gonna understand that you have to wait for something like, when they're eight, when they're 18?

I always say, like, age has never just delivered skills. It's, what are we doing from five to eight? What are we doing from eight to 18? And if the experiences we structure for our kids shows them through living through it, the only way through the tunnel is by being in the tunnel. Right?

That, oh, wow. I waited. And by the way, I whined and I cried and I complained. Our kids aren't going to say thank you for this allowance and structuring it in a way that I have to wait three weeks to get my favorite new toy. No, no.

They're going to whine the whole time, but that's fine because their body is learning. That's right. Oh, look at me. I did wait three weeks. I didn't like it.

Guess what? No one likes to wait. But I tolerated it and I got through it. I think that was one of the things that I learned from you, Becky. That was my most exciting light bulb moment, was frustration tolerance.

Alexa von Tobel
That's what it is. We need to teach our kids frustration tolerance. And listen, we all want everything right now. And we live in a magical world where Amazon does deliver most things right now. And we need to teach our children, especially around money that you're going to have to wait a lot.

And in fact, if you're in your twenties trying to save for a home, you're going to be working hard for that, saving for your kids college, you're going to work hard for that. And I think really learning to celebrate the little milestones along the way. Look. Wow. Your savings account, it has dollar 50 in it now.

It used to only have 30. Doesn't that feel good? You can celebrate those mini milestones with them before they get to go to the store and get it, and they really understand it. And one major breakthrough we also had in my household, I mean, let's be honest, we all go to target and your children just like, oh, my God, it's like big savages, like throwing the things in the cart. And my four year old was like, I mean, literally, we were like pulling the thing out of her hand grips of life.

And I finally had this, like, little light bulb go off where I was like, that toy is dollar 32. But she doesn't totally understand numbers yet. So I held my hand out like I was hugging a beach ball, a huge. And I go, that toy is this many quarters? Does Mommy have that many quarters?

And she just got it. She was like, no, you don't have hundred quarters in your pocket. And all of a sudden she got it. And she could manage the frustration because she understood. And so sometimes it's about helping them also understand money in basic little terms that they can process.

And she was no longer mad that she couldn't have the toy because she got it. Mom didn't have 100 quarters in her pocket. Yeah. You know, one of the things that came in as a question when I was talking to people about doing this episode was, you know, a parent saying, I don't grow up with any money. And so this frustration tolerance you speak of, it was just built into my life.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Like, my whole life was wanting things and, like, knowing I couldn't have them. And I think it contributed probably to a lot of my drive, you know? And my kids, though, are growing up in a very different way. And they'll often say to me, but we can afford it, but why can't you just get that? But you got it for me last week.

And, you know, one of the things that makes me think about is, I don't know if other people said it, too, but I remember the interview with Shaquille O'Neal, right, saying to his kids, like, we're not rich. Like, I'm rich. I'm rich. Like, we, you are not rich. Like, let me just be clear.

Right? And what I think, though, that means in practicality is if you want your kids to grow up with a sense of capability and frustration tolerance and a lack of expectation of immediate gratification around their wants and needs, and you do have the financial means, you do have to structure things in your home in a mindful way. Right. Where if kids are just getting everything they want because theoretically you can afford it, we can't expect our kids to actually have an empowered relationship with money because it has all been magical. And then my guess is there will be a day when they're out of your house where they're like, what?

Like, wait, I don't, I actually don't have the money to do this anymore because my job basically just covers my rent and my basic necessities. Right. That, that's exactly right. And that's why the conversation is so important in all different households, which is, first of all, mom and dad right now are paying for everything, right? Yeah.

Alexa von Tobel
And when you are 18, you're going to leave this amazing cocoon and you're going to be on your own 2ft, building your own life. And I want you to understand what things cost. And I think so a little bit of that. Becky is opening our kids eyes to just the math that is happening around them. I think that is so important.

And again, at all income levels in all households. Hey, we just went to McDonald's. That cost $32. Yeah. Hey, we just rented the movie off of Disney.

That was $20. Hey, we went to Disneyland. That was a $1,000. Helping kids understand that. And again, age appropriate.

If I say that to my four year old, she is not going to process that perfectly. My nine year old gets that fundamentally. And actually, one of the things I've noticed now that we talk about it when we go in the grocery store, she'll say, you know what, mom? I don't need that. And she, she now appreciates the trade off and I have to balance it, but I don't want her nervous about money either.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
Right? Yeah. And so I say mom and dad have enough savings for these things, but I prefer to put that extra money towards Disney. And I think you do, too. So let's make sure we get what we need.

Alexa von Tobel
And again, you're just helping them make those choices so that when they are 18 and they're in the grocery store and they're paying for everything from their own income or at college, they understand trade offs and choices and they're happening. We make almost ten money decisions every day, minimum. Almost every single day. Yeah. And you want each of those choices to be a smart one.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
So I was shopping with my daughter the other day. You know those moments where, like, you're like, literally none of their clothes fit? Like, it just happens one day, she's been growing. I'm like, oh, my God, she needs everything new. And she sees these shorts that she likes, and there's a whole rack of them in all these different colors, and then below them, there's another rack that looked kind of similar.

I could tell the material is not quite as great. Whatever. She sees the top ones and she tries them on, and she's like, I love these shorts. And then she's looking at all the different colors in the racks, and she goes. She goes, this is such a scam, mom.

This is what she said. She looks at the one, but she goes, these are half the price. Like, why would someone buy the top ones? And you and I know there's brands and brands, right? Like, charge more.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
But she luckily actually isn't so consumed by that. And she just says to me, so I could get two of these for the same price as one of these. And it was this amazing moment where I was like, that's actually right. Like, that is a choice. And we have those choices all the time.

And that's what she said. Well, I was gonna get, right one, maybe two shorts, but can I get two of these? And she picked the less expensive one. And what I think kind of even set her up for that is I think we underestimate the power of just. I notice.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
I'm noticing and then asking our kids so, you know, oh, I'm noticing that we just made twelve cookies at home. And, you know, it costs this amount for this ingredient. Sir. If you're like me, you might just be, like, doing the slice and bake. So it costs this and much for the slice and bake.

And look at it. Look at this store. The cookie is the exact same price as the whole kind of cookie log. And I'm noticing that. And then I think adding, huh?

Or just that. I think it's so easy to add, so it doesn't make sense or. Right. But sometimes in our life, we do. Just want someone to make something for us, right?

We don't have to kind of shove these lessons down our kids throat. But I feel like with my kids, the more in their presence, I've just noticed. I'm noticing this. Huh, that's interesting. I noticed that they start to be kids like my daughter did.

Yesterday who notice. And kids are smart inherently. And when there's not shame involved and so much value judgment, they do tend to be kind of intuitive thinkers. And I really feel like I watched that play out with my daughter at the store yesterday. I love that so much.

Alexa von Tobel
And I think there's a big part of money which is just about street smarts. And I would love to say that I could take money away and that there could be a decade of your life where you don't have to ever think about it. But that is not true. It is there every day of your life through every decade, whether you're 80 or 18, it's there every day. And you're really empowering your child with street smarts around money.

And one of my other examples, which is a good one for everybody, listening. Water. Water in our house is free. Comes out of the tap. We can drink it.

If you go to the corner, you know, here in New York City, and you buy it from the vendor on the corner, it's $2. If you go into the center of Central park, where it's on a really hot day, sometimes it costs $5. Don't get me started on Madison Square Garden. And if you go to a mix game, it can cost $10.15, maybe. And they don't even let you bring the top in.

Exactly. Exactly. Amen. And letting your child notice that. And it's just in all of a sudden, and it's the same water.

All of a sudden, your children start being like, should we bring a water bottle, mom? When we walk out the door, they start making smart choices on their own. That's right. It's amazing. And so I think that the noticing is a really powerful tool.

Becky, I agree with you. And then jogging them with a few examples and letting them start to make their own choices as early as you can. And I want to. Want to. One more of those conversations that I know I had recently in my home.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
And, again, it was so powerful to kind of, you know, again, I always come back to teaching our kids how to think, not what to think. Right. And how to think is much more about questions than lectures. So we were on the crosstown bus, and there are times we get in a cab or get in an Uber. There are times I walk, definitely.

I'm a big lover of the subway, but unfortunately, it doesn't go across the park. And so we're on the crosstown bus, and we were talking about how much the crosstown bus costs versus an Uber these days, which is, you know, really puts you back. And again, to me, the conversation that's powerful is not. Well, here's the difference. And so the bus is better, because then there's, like, I feel like sometimes there's this morality, and that actually gets in kids way of learning.

And I said, it's really interesting. So what kind of times does it really make sense to use the bus? And, like, what would we have to. Do to make that possible? Right.

We kind of talked about how you have to carve out more time. We looked at the bus schedule, so we weren't waiting for ten minutes. And then I said, you know, to my son, when would it make sense to get in an Uber? Like, when do you think that's worth it? Right?

And he. He said, well, what if you were really late for a doctor's appointment? And I said, oh, so that's a time where we may say, oh, we didn't. We didn't remember to look at the bus schedule. And, yeah, that might be a time to do that.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
And. And then he said on his own, he's like, but maybe on the way back, you could take the bus, you know? And again, I think it's just opening up this conversation and having kids start to think money and spending money is something I'm capable of thinking about in a nuanced way. And I think the whole conversation was, I don't know, 45 seconds. It wasn't some hour long, deep conversation.

But I think those moments are so possible. And just all the parents listening. I want you to know that these can be really low lift, just kind of questions you ask and know that you're really increasing your kid's financial literacy. Right. Right from the start.

Exactly. That's exactly right. Well, thank you for being such an amazing partner in really treating kids with respect right from the start about the life skills they need. You and I are so aligned. Like, let's give kids the life skills they need.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
And, no, I just want to. I just feel bad, like, anyone whose career is around cosine sine tangent. Like, obviously, those skills are important, too. For me, they haven't been as relevant as money, but no shade to cosine sine and tangent. Just saying I have to get that out there.

I don't need those people coming after me, you know? So two things can be true. Those things matter. Money matters. Your book money matters is amazing.

And thank you for this really important conversation. Thank you so, so much. And again, I think all of your principles to parenting apply to money. They really do.

I hope you got as much from. That episode as I did. It is so important to be empowered. With scripts and strategies so our kids. Can grow up understanding money.

Dr. Becky Kennedy
One quick thing I want to add. If you're a good inside member and you haven't already seen our allowance guide. And our chore guide, you don't want to miss it. The Allowance guide even comes with an allowance worksheet, so you can work through it with your key kid and make. Allowance work in your family.

Both of them are linked in the show notes. Thanks to Airbnb. Remember, your home could be worth more than you think. Find out more@airbnb.com. Host and thanks to Mommies Bliss.

Check out their new pain and fever medicine@mommiesbliss.com. Dot thank you for listening to share a story or ask me a question, go to good and slow. Or you could write me@podcastoodinside.com. Dot parenting is the hardest and most important job in the world, and you deserve resources and support so you feel empowered and confident for this very important job you hold. I'm so excited to share good inside membership.

It's the first platform that brings together content and expertise you trust with a global community of like valued parents. It's game changing and built for a busy parent who wants to make the most out of the few minutes they have. Good inside with Doctor Becky is produced by Jesse Baker and Eric Newsom at Magnificent Noise. Our production staff includes Sabrina Farhey, Julia Knapp and Kristin Muller. I would also like to thank Erica Belsky, Mary Panico, Brooke Zant and the rest of the good inside team.

And one last thing before I let you go. Let's end by placing our hands on our hearts and reminding ourselves, even as I struggle and even as I have a hard time on the outside, I remain good inside.