Uplifting Children's Stories

Mark Fischbach
This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. No more overpriced phone plans necessary. Big monthly bills, unexpected overages, expensive, expensive and outdated. Or you could stay outdated. Vintage is in.

Bob Muyskens
My old phone has the perfect patina of cheetos, dust and teenage stank. Okay, okay. I have a better option. Memobile for a limited time, they have wireless plans that include unlimited talk, text and data for just $15 a month. Upgrade your plan today at Mint Mobile for a limited time, wireless plans for Mint mobile are $15 a month.

Mark Fischbach
When you purchase a three month plan, that's unlimited talk text to data for $50 a month. To get this new customer offer, go to mintmobile.com distractible. That's mintmobile.com dash ractible mintmobile.com distractible. Dollar 45 upfront payment required. Equivalent to dollar 15 a month.

Wade Barnes
New customers on first three month plan only slower above 40gb on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Seem in mobile for details. Good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to distractable. This episode, Bonobo tells of Tyler's desert destruction, then gets the gents to play brothers grimm masticating Mark gets gratis grub, is mobbed by matrimonial management, and heralds hope.

Western Wade gives giraffe parental guidance, stands for the circle of life, and pays homage to homework. From Trevor Noah to Bob's wagon trail. Yes, it's time for uplifting children's stories. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show. Hello, and welcome back to yet another episode of the best podcast that's ever been made, that you've ever heard, that you ever will hear, and that I've ever been a part of.

Bob Muyskens
It's distractible. You thought it was gonna be something else, but it wasn't. It's not. It's this one. This is the best one.

Mark Fischbach
Is this a podcast by Trevor Noah? Why did I. Trevor Noah? What? Wait, do you not pay attention to things or.

Of course I don't. It's me. Hell, my last episode didn't even have a topic. What do you think? He was the guy who hosted the Daily show for quite a long time, until recently when he retired from that, and now he has a podcast.

Have you seen some of the episode where Jon Stewart is back hosting again? Yeah, they have a really good team right now to your Daily show stuff. Jon Stewart just has, like, an it factor about him that, like, not many hosts of any show do. Yeah, I don't know. It's.

It's nuts. Like, he's not hosting every night. It's Mondays. Yeah, Mondays. And it's that they're great.

To be fair, I never saw any of Trevor Noah's. He might have been great, too. I never. I never saw him host, but I have seen a lot of the Jon Stewart ones, because for some reason, the YouTube algorithm's like, did you see Jon Stewart? I'm like, oh, God, please.

Wade Barnes
I'll watch. Leave me alone. Okay, so it's funny that you're saying that as a description, because that's exactly what we're talking about with the Trevor Noah thing, where it's like, have you. Heard about his podcast? And where it's like, the Jon Stewart thing is just like.

Mark Fischbach
It's popular, so it gets recommended. Cause YouTube's algorithm is just, like, based on recommendations of what it thinks it is. These are just advertisers going, ba ba ba. Anyway, so what. What about Trevor Noah?

He has a podcast, and it's getting recommended everywhere. I don't know anything more than it's a podcast, and Trevor Noah made it. Oh, why don't we get popularized like that? We should be thrown in people's faces, I think. I think we have.

Bob Muyskens
And do we should more. I want to be the Trevor Noah of podcasting. I think we could. Uh. Yeah, that's.

Wade Barnes
Look, it's a. There's a. I'm the host because I won last time fair and square, because I was a master of the topic at hand, and I delved deeper and swam more broadly around in the pool. That was Wade's incredible topic. The ocean.

Mark Fischbach
The ocean. Really immeasurably large ocean. The Marianas trench of a topic that Wade set us up with for last week's episode. He is like the James Cameron of Ocean explorer exploration, guiding us to places unseen. And I was the eight foot tall blue guy who mastered it.

Bob Muyskens
James Scarra's avatar. Right? That's. That same. Oh, okay, good.

Wade Barnes
Nailed it. My competitors, market Wade, will be competing for points. The winner gets the most points. Theoretically, it could be the lowest points. Who knows?

Bob Muyskens
The points are arbitrary, but they are tracked in the book. This is my book. It's not a poop book. Which feels inadequate now compared to Wade's poop book. Could have had a poop book.

I don't have a topic that compares to what Wade put up last week. Really catching some strays here, man. It's not strays. They're aimed directly at you. Feel like I'm really catching some strays that aren't meant to hit me, but they are pelting me?

No, but small talk. How's it going? How's it going, dudes? I defer to Mark. Mark's been sitting on small talk for like a month.

Mark Fischbach
I can't wait to hear it. Mark's over here crunching up our ears. Yeah. Editors will meet me every time I'm crunching, so. And the crunching is done because it's time to get your brains crunching onto a mystery that I've got for you guys.

Right? So this is something that occurred very recently. Amy and I, we were out at dinner and we were sitting at a booth, munching away and this other table gets seated and it's immediately confusing. While other people are allowed to go to restaurants, Mark, they knew. They put his name on the list as Markiplier plus one.

Wade Barnes
They should have known. I'll back up a step because I. This. This restaurant that we went to that I should probably say the name of, but I can't remember right now because they're very markiplier's foods. It's one of the managers there was a fan, and I think his name was Ethan.

Mark Fischbach
And he was a really nice guy. I don't want to say it happens a lot, but it happens with way more frequency than I feel like I deserve. But I'll get recognized at a restaurant and they will bring out so much free food. It's almost always free dessert, but it's. This guy devastated us with food.

Wade Barnes
It was. It was actually. It was a nice steak place. Again, I can't remember the name of it, but it's in Austin. I just wanna say, I know we've told the story probably multiple times before, but are you saying they brought you so much free dessert that even Tyler could not have finished it before you got back to the table?

Bob Muyskens
That's just one of the funniest things I feel like I've ever seen happen. For anyone who doesn't remember, we've told this story before in full. But, like, we were all at a restaurant together. Like, Tyler and Wade and Molly was there, like, big group of friends. And the waiter or the manager or someone recognized Mark and was like, oh, Mark, I love you.

I love your YouTube whatever here. And they sent out, like, a dessert that was on a plate that had, like, written in chocolate, like, oh, markiplier, we love you, or something. And Mark was like, you know, it was like a whole cake or something. It was like, big dessert. And Mark was like, I gotta go to the bathroom, but, like, we can share this.

I'm not gonna eat this. Whole thing you guys have. And Mark. Mark gets up, goes to the bathroom, and as Mark is walking back to the table from the bathroom, Tyler scoops up the last bite of the entire dessert, locks eyes with Mark as he's sitting in his chair, and goes. And Mark sits down and looks at the empty plate and is like, you got.

You didn't say. You didn't even save me, like, a bite. And Tyler's just like, we all ate it. We all ate it. It was so fucking funny.

It was very funny. I'll admit. It was very funny. He did feel bad. He wasn't being a jerk.

But it was so funny. That made it even funnier. Okay. The place is called j prime steakhouse, right? So it's a really nice steakhouse in Austin.

Mark Fischbach
It was a lovely place. This guy sent out pretty much every appetizer they have. Damn. And when I go to a steakhouse, like, I'm not there for appetizers, really. I'm there for the steak.

And so I would usually get maybe a salad and then a steak. It was like this trio of incredible bone marrow, which I don't think I've ever had. You've had it in a soup form? Bone broth? Never.

There's the marrow. I mean, pretty much, yeah. But it was like, the straight marrow, which I may have had, like, a different form of it. I've never had it where the bone is there, and you take a spoon, and you pull the marrow out. We buy those for our dog sometimes.

They had a huge charcuterie board. Like, an enormous charcuterie board with, like, three different types of cheese, three different types of meats. Olives, nuts, almonds, like honey. The whole thing. They had, uh.

God, there was another one that I can't remember. There was another appetizer amongst these things. Oh, no. They sent out these, like, wagyu strip little cubes that you cook on a hot stone that they bring out. That was the other part of it.

Bob Muyskens
Oh, those are fun. It was super fun. And. And he brought all this, and I was like, oh, this way too freaking much. And.

Mark Fischbach
And at the end of it, he. He, like, comped it all. He comped all of it. And I'm like, what do you do? What they do is, everyone else at the restaurant, they add a little fee.

It's called Marcus here. And they're like, oh, why am I paying an extra $5? And then it adds up to where they pay for your meal, and then. They look at it, and they go, I understand. I know my duty.

So after my. My grand treatment, we sit there and another table gets sat there. This is the other part of the story. It was very nice. Great place.

Initially, about ten people sit down. It's like a 14 top table. Ten people come in. Nine of them are women, all probably in their late twenties to mid thirties, maybe a little older, maybe a little younger. This man does not fit.

It's nine women and one man. The man is like, in his forties. Larger, balding, glasses, you know, blue button down, no suit jacket. Just a blue button down, no suit jacket. And all the ladies that look like they're dressed up, like, fairly nice, but not like, you know, not like they're going to a gal or anything.

Like they're going for a nice night out. As the night progresses, more and more of these women come in and sit down, and we can't figure out why. It's fine, whatever. We're not judging, whatever the scenario is, but in your minds, what is this? What is this?

Is it a business? Cause it's like he's in a button down shirt. It looks like a business. Blue button down shirt. There's singers in an all female choir, and he's the conductor.

Wade Barnes
Could be, could be. But I'll give you some more information about. There's a few key details that I want you to try to puzzle this. Did he get to eat food? He was eating.

Oh, not. It wasn't like, all of the women weren't, like, looking and talking to him like, they were fawning over him. He was talking to, like, the women across from to the side, and everyone else was having their own conversation. The last person to arrive is a lady in a cowboy hat. No one else is wearing a hat.

Mark Fischbach
She sits at the end of the table. The only person sitting. The other end is empty. She sits at the end. There was an open seat that she could have taken near this guy, but she sits at the end.

Only person with a hat. I don't know what it is about a hat, but no one else had a hat. Seems like figure of authority. I don't know. And it's a steakhouse, so this is.

Bob Muyskens
Going to be a big bill. Like. Like just me and Amy. There was expensive. And it's like, this is a big team of people.

Mark Fischbach
Right? Even bigger kicker. The guy was wearing a lanyard. What does that mean? He's Philip Rivers, and that's all of.

Bob Muyskens
His kids, like, around his neck. A lanyard with, like, cards clipped onto it or something. I couldn't see what it was cause I never got close enough. Like, I did the surreptitious. I'm going to the bathroom so I.

Mark Fischbach
Could get a better look at what's going on here. So I go to the bathroom, come back. I can see he has a lanyard with, like, what looks like a tag of some sort. A badge? Yeah, it's a badge.

It's not a business card. It's a badge, but it's a lanyard. And I'm like, is this. He's a college professor. He held a class, and he made a bet that his students couldn't all ace the test they did, so we had to treat them to a night out.

I think they're older than that. Cause this could be grad school like. But it seems like these are working professionals or at least past college. Typical college age. It would be abnormal for a large group.

Like, older people can go to college, of course, but it seemed like they were above all of them. The average age range for college. Was there a pharmaceutical sales rep convention in town? So we looked up conventions. Really?

Bob Muyskens
Yes. That's what our thoughts went to. We did. There was no pharmacy. Pharmaceutical convention.

Mark Fischbach
There was no other convention. There was nothing except for a convention that I'm gonna hold off on saying what it was. I want you to. Accountants. No.

Wade Barnes
Okay. Okay. There's a wedding, and the. The groom only had one groomsman, but the bride couldn't decide on her bridesmaids, so she just picked every female friend she had, and they went out to dinner together. And it was just really awkwardly lined up.

Mark Fischbach
Cause there were, like, ten of them and one of him. You know, you're very close. If that person wanted to get help planning that, they would have gone to this convention. It was a wedding planner's convention. Wedding planner planners convention.

And then everything fell into place. It was like, oh. Like, it made perfect sense because these are the. These are predominantly women that are of the age that would be in kind of a business that seemed like that would be totally understandable. It's definitely more women than men are in the wedding planning business, but not all.

And so this guy did seem like he either ran a booth or was part of a company that was part of wedding planning. He's given off big vendor vibes with his blue button down. He's a wedding planner is a man or a woman is a person who dresses pretty stylishly to me, like, they're. They are fashionable. They know what is and is not.

Bob Muyskens
Like, currently in. They would not wear button down, pleated khakis, lanyard around the neck, I'm sure that was, like, the convention badge, right? I'm sure. None of the women who were dressed nicely had a lanyard around the neck. I'm sure it was in their purse.

It was strapped on their. Yeah, no one else had a lanyard. They had that somewhere where their look wasn't spoiled by a lanyard hanging around their neck like that. So that dude. That dude definitely, like, runs a catering company or is, like, a table rental vendor or something.

Like, something like that. My other guess was that he was playing daddy Warbucks, or whatever his name is, in, like, the new production of Annie, and they were all competing to be the orphans he adopted. I think you're thinking really, like, way too young for what Mark described pretty explicitly. Well, in the play. Yeah, you're right.

It's a bunch of adults with an adult daddy Warbucks is like, yeah, who wants to get adopted, huh? Do I need a daddy? Yeah. I didn't like it even before I said it out loud that it was. Can I just say.

It doesn't sound that outlandish, but the dude really throws a. Unless he was, like, clearly in charge. I get why that's, like, he didn't seem to belong. Yeah. It wasn't like.

Mark Fischbach
It seemed scandalous, but it's like, us as we're trying to desperately hork down all the food. Oh, I forgot about dessert. They sent out free dessert. But, you know, instead of, like, when we had a big table of, like, eight people, it was a large piece of. It was a cake that was, like, six layers high.

It was about this big. I'm holding my hands apart in the size of about a football. Not even Tyler could have stopped you from trying it. I made that joke. Yeah, I know, but I made it again.

I actually have more small talk that I was. I was really holding back. Yeah, you gave me nothing, dude. You gave me nothing you deserve to lose. Mark had so much small talk, and he just gave it.

Bob Muyskens
He just saved it for me. I got literal shit as small talk, and he saved all this for you. Well, wait, do you want to turn. Do you want to break up all the mark centric? No, no, no, but listen, I gave it my all.

Mark Fischbach
Let him go. Let him cook. All right. Let him cook. All right, so I gotta give a shout out to.

I know I've said before, and this is probably still in the vein of a little bit of preferential treatment. Like, I wanna preface that with, like, I don't think that they would do this hurting, but stagger dynamics. I gotta give another shout out to them. For those who don't know. They built the computer that I had and they helped me out and they really just like, I email them and they get back to me and they try to work through any computer solution that I've had.

So I'm in Austin, right? So what I find that I need. Cause I don't. I know that there's a possibility for like cloud computing. You can rent gpu power online, especially nowadays, like people want like the AI inference and GPU power like that.

I'm not really about that. I don't know about the security of that. Especially when it comes to like, making a movie, putting things on the cloud. I don't know how to make it robust and make sure it's fine. So I reach out to them, I send an email and I'm like, this sounds crazy.

I know, short notice, I know. Is there any kind of loaner computer that you could send out to me? And I know this is a huge ask and of course I'd pay for it, but it's like, is there any kind of loaner computer? I don't know if you guys know this, but I've had to, I've tried to do this with computers, computer manufacturers a lot. I've tried to have someone that's like a partner that can work with.

I go around the country a lot and I find like, it's very difficult to bring a computer because it's easy to get damaged. So it's like. And you need more than a laptop for a lot of stuff. Exactly. And if I do get a laptop, like, that's why I do like the MacBooks, is because for editing specifically, the new Apple chips are very good for that specifically.

But when it comes to graphical rendering of cg scenes, you need those gpu's, you need the horsepower, and that's these Apple chips can't provide right now. So I reached out to them and I'm like, is there anything? And they're like, well, we've been thinking about like a loaner program, but we haven't gotten very far, but maybe we could like throw together one of our test machines and send them out there and we could work out like a fairly, a fair weekly rental rate. And I'm like, I almost started crying because I couldn't believe every other time that I've had to do this. Like, I've had brand deals with computer manufacturers where I've asked for these kinds of things and they're like, oh, well, man, we don't have an advertising contract with you.

And I'm like, it's not about advertising. It's like, I actually need computing equipment. I need computers. I work with computers on the regular basis, and as I progress in what I do, I need more and more powerful computers. It doesn't exist.

We can't negotiate that with you. It doesn't currently exist as a thing we do. We couldn't possibly find a way to say sure. The answer is no. We couldn't say sure.

No. It's just like. So I just gotta say. And I don't know, it's like, we're not sponsored by them. I'm not sponsored by them.

I'm still paying. I still pay for the stuff that I get, but it's just like, man. Shit, that's customer service right there. And, God, that's really nice. It's such a simple thing that you're right, you cannot find.

People do not, like, just do things outside of their normal scope like that. Very often. I will say I do understand. A lot of the companies you probably dealt with, Mark, are bigger. Like, corporate companies.

Bob Muyskens
There's a strict. There's a structure that comes with corporatization of something like that, where it's like, dell has a structure and has a lot of rules, and one person can't just be like, well, we don't really have a system for this, but I'll just make it up. It's not. I'm not saying it's good, but you're not allowed to do that. But Steiger Dynamics is more of.

They're not a small company, but they're not a corporation. They're a smaller shop than, like, a big international corporation. And so they. I can understand why they would be like, we could probably work some. Cause they have.

They don't have all, you know, they don't have a board. They don't have 30 executives above them telling them what they can. There's probably one guy with enough authority on his own to be like, yeah, we can make something. We can work that out. That's cool.

That's cool. I'm surprised that's not something. That's. It's not super common, but you're not the only one who needs that. There have gotta be a population of people who do something related to what you do, or similar enough to where it's like, you travel a lot.

A laptop is not adequate. If you could rent high end computing stuff where it's like, I'll be here for a month. I need. I need a workstation I'm not bringing my workstation. They don't have one.

But it would be a. I would pay, you know, I'd rent a computer if I could. I'm surprised that doesn't exist in a way that's more. It is even rare for me to need to do, like, high fidelity cg work. It just so happens that some of the things in the movie that I'm making, you can do by yourself.

Mark Fischbach
The blender nowadays is good enough that you can render movie quality graphics in there. You know, the tools to make really high fidelity stuff is more accessible than ever. It's just a hardware limitation. Yeah, it's like the. The gaps are getting smaller in between those things.

But, yeah, it's just like, sometimes that is necessary. Even big companies, production companies probably need that stuff. The big production stuff. I guess you bring your footage to whatever post house or effects house or whatever, and they. But, like, as stuff media is getting increasingly run and gun, even big production kind of have a lot of more of that, like, run and gun style to them where it's like, you're not.

Bob Muyskens
This is not in a studio in LA where everything is. You're doing this on the. You're doing this wherever you can. You know, you're doing it cheaper, which. Is not always good for the people.

Who are doing the work, but, like, seems like that would be a thing, but I guess it's not. But that's cool. Good job. Anyway, just wanted to say another appreciation. Really cool.

Mark Fischbach
I can't promise they would ever offer that for anyone else. Yeah, well, it's like, not an official program or something. Right. They just. They were just cool with you, so they were like, yeah, this is maybe overreaching, but I feel like this gives us, to me, the vibe of, like, you could tell when a company.

Wade Barnes
The core. The core of a company like that is people who are just genuinely, like, into what they do, and they're not. Their immediate concern isn't like, well, how do we do this in a. In a business smart way? Their immediate concern is like, oh, that would be cool.

Bob Muyskens
Yeah, I bet we could make that happen. Cause they're interested. They're interested in the tech, right? They're like computer nerds, and they're like, yeah, we could do that, couldn't we? And that would be really cool, wouldn't it?

And then they figure it out. Yeah. People that have the capability, like, they're allowed to, but also just go out of their way to provide good customer support and service. It makes a huge difference. I think that's really cool.

I should buy something from them. I never have. Sorry, Stiker. It's fine. How often do you need, like, a high power computer?

Mark Fischbach
I mean, they do other computers too, but. Well, for our movie we're making next year, Bob and I are coming together to make one. It's gonna be called more blood than Mark used. Good fucking luck, man. It's called tanks of blood.

Bob Muyskens
It's a horror story about a man who makes the world's largest tanks of blood. It's very scary. It sounds. Sounds less scary than it is. We're very early in the storyboarding.

Mark Fischbach
This episode is brought to you by Mint mobile. No more overpriced phone plans necessary. Big monthly bills. Unexpected overages. Expensive.

Expensive and outdated. Or you could stay outdated. Vintage is in. My old phone has the perfect patina of Cheetos, dust and teenage sank. Okay, okay.

I have a better option. Memobile for a limited time, they have wireless plans that include unlimited talk, text and data for just $15 a month. Upgrade your plan today at Met mobile for a limited time, wireless plans for mint mobile are $15 a month. When you purchase a three month plan, that's unlimited talk text to data for $50 a month. To get this new customer offer, go to mint mobile.com distractible.

That's mintmobile.com. Dash. R a c t I b l e mint mobile.com distractible. $45 upfront. Payment required.

Wade Barnes
Equivalent to $15 a month. New customers on first three month plan only. Speed slower above 40gb on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply. Siemen Mobile for details.

Bob Muyskens
This episode is brought to you by rocket money. Guys, I found another subscription. It's not even one. They keep coming. What?

That's crazy. But that's okay, because I could use Rocket money. Uh, Rocket money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so that you can grow your savings. Rocket money can help you have full control over subscriptions. Have a clear view of your expenses.

Mark Fischbach
If there's anything in there that says, like, please cancel this for me, don't press it. I'm gonna go press all of those buttons. Rocket money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's features. Stop wasting money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash distractible.

Bob Muyskens
That's rocketmoney.com. Dash tractivle rocketmoney.com distractible. You should get that, Mark. It's probably important. Oh, no way.

Like all good episodes, it's time to move on to the topic. Are you guys ready for this one? It's a zinger. It's a bing banger. I have a child.

Mark Fischbach
We don't, so we lose. Yeah, that's it. If you have a child, you get points. No child, no points. No, I have, I have a young one.

Bob Muyskens
And he, you know what's tough? He gets, he gets bored with things quickly. He moves on. He needs a lot of stimulation. He needs a lot of intellectual stimulation.

And he needs to learn valuable lessons about life and the universe and everything. And I don't want to have to go out and get more books because I'm lazy. So I want you to make some books for me to read to James. This, before we get started, this reminds me, there's an SNL skit that always makes me laugh. I don't know if you guys have seen it, but it's Bill Hader dressed up as the cat in the hat.

Mark Fischbach
These kids, like, obviously two adults on SNL are playing kids and they're like, we're bored. They like, make a rhymy wish. And then Bill Hader walks in. He's like, I. Boys and girls, I'm the cat in the hat.

And then like, the mom is looking all nervous. She's like, cat, what are you doing here? And he like, looks over, he's like, Linda, it's very obvious. They like, dated once in the whole skits about how the cat might be these kids parents. Really funny.

Bob Muyskens
I do remember that. It's pretty good. I have no idea what you're talking about. Children's books are easy, simple. So simple even you can do it.

Usually they have a fun, whimsical cast of characters. Maybe it's animals, maybe it's fruits and vegetables. Who knows? So we're going to start by picking what kind of characters you're going to be working with. Also, children's books frequently have, like an important life lesson, a moral to the story.

So I'd like you also, we're going to work through this together. I'd like you also, then, to move on and pick what lesson you're going to be teaching James through your book. Oh, okay. And then we can, we can. This last part is sort of free form.

I want to sort of like brainstorm, give you guys a chance to work it out. Because what I would like, the culmination to be is for you to perform the book, because I also don't like reading, so I don't want to have to read it to my son. So we come up with more than. Just, like, a title and a subject. We have to write the fucking book, too.

I mean, you could improvise it, or you could use AI. You could. You could come up with your thing. Oh, no, I won't use a. I.

Mark Fischbach
What are you. You can do what you will. I'm just saying, children's books, so easy. Easily entertain these children. And so I think that you guys could help me out here and give me some interesting new reading material that I don't have to read, because you're gonna read it for me, and I'll just play that for James, and then it'll be bedtime and I'm sure he won't have any nightmares or anything.

Excuse me. While I don't type anything into AI at the moment, let those. Let the braids cook. I do want to start with. I would like you guys to pick what sort of characters and setting this is going to be in.

Bob Muyskens
Is it animals on a farm? Is it animals that live in the city? Is it fruits and vegetables at the grocery store? Are they at school? What's going on?

Wade Barnes
What do you got? All right. I gotcha. Yeah. So the first and most important thing a kid needs is to understand social hierarchies, right?

Mark Fischbach
Like, we need a character that is alpha. We need a character that's beta, omega, sigma, and whatever else the other ones are, because it. It's important to get it started early. Just like a Harry Potter house. You gotta be sorted into your greek category.

Bob Muyskens
Kids need to know who's better than them and who they're better than. Very clearly. You wanna make sure everything's categorized. No, that's good. That's healthy.

In your cast of characters, Mark, who would you say is the protagonist? Is the sigma the protagonist, or. That doesn't feel very sigma, I guess. I don't know who's. No, no.

Mark Fischbach
Yeah. Cause the sigma doesn't have that kind of pick me energy. The sigma doesn't need to be the protagonist. They're. They're too confident.

Maybe it's a thing where it's like kind of copy green eggs and ham. You're trying to get the sigma to try to be something. Yeah. Yeah. But it's like, I will not be alpha.

No, ma'am. I will not be alpha in sand. I won't be alpha here or there. I'm Sigma and I say it rare. I love that word.

Bob Muyskens
That's a good vocabulary word to teach the kids. Rare. That's what I'm all about here. Working in vocab is just extra points, really? Yes.

Mark Fischbach
Shakespeare, often known as one of the greats. He made up words all the time. Also known as shaker. This is supposed to be for James specifically. I mean, you don't have to tailor it for him, but it is going to.

Bob Muyskens
I'm going to read it to him, so hopefully it applies to him a little bit. Oh, no. I might need to revise myself. No, go with what you got. Go with what you got.

Mark Fischbach
Yeah. Come on. Look, let's. Let's generalize. Let's generalize.

Bob Muyskens
It's not for James. I might read these to James, I might not. But this is just a children's book for the good of the world. This is for kids who go through things like I did when I was young and have parents who maybe. Okay, so I hope this doesn't happen to you, Bob.

Mark Fischbach
I wrote it. I wrote the whole thing out, though. You want to hear it before I give you the title? You wrote the entire book? I just wrote it real quick.

It's a short book, but I wrote it. Well, that's not what we're doing. I wrote it for you. He wrote it. Let's just see what he's got.

We can chuck it out. We can chuck it out. We can chuck it out. All right. Wade wrote the entire book.

Wade Barnes
Go for it. Daddy's come, daddies go, so dad should be quick to get to know. No need to be down or to get sappy. So find a new dad who makes you real happy. Don't you love mom with a smile on her face?

Mark Fischbach
Don't you want parents to go every place? Don't be sad that dad is now gone. Meet your new dad who's out on the lawn. So there's no need to get down and feel saddy. Walk out with mom and meet your new daddy.

Okay. It's called don't get saddie. Meet new daddy. Okay. So are the characters, they're not animals or anything whimsical.

Bob Muyskens
They're not talking postcards. They're just, they're giraffes. Oh, they're giraffes. Okay, that, that's pretty whimsical. They're giraffes who are dressed like people and live in, like, people house, but they have big giraffe shaped doors.

Giraffes that live in the suburbs. But the houses are real tall. Yeah. And it starts off with a picture of, like, the giraffe kid looking sad, like, giraffe Daz, just, like, walking out with his briefcase. And then it gets a lot more lighthearted after that.

Oh, okay. Okay. Interesting. You know what? I respect it.

I'm trying to try to describe the point that you just earned. Look, sometimes you need a niche book for niche circumstances that not every kid goes through. I don't know if that's that niche. In today's world, that certainly is a thing that kids have to deal with. I don't know if James is gonna need that book.

Mark Fischbach
Let's hope not. Kind of felt awkward about that part after you said it. You're really manifesting a lot of stuff into my life right now that I. Well, you know. You know, these things are preparing.

It's preparing. Yeah. It's good to have this in case I ever go to get the milk and then decide I change my mind about what I'm doing with my life. Yeah. Yeah, man.

Second idea is a little bit more applicable and fun. Well, okay, you just read a whole lot. Let's give Mark a chance to rebut here. You got to go first. I think I should go first now.

I got it. I got it. Okay. All right. You could throw this one away.

I don't care. I don't care. In a land where the tall mountains touched the sky, lived alpha alpaca, noble and high. Not far in the forest, under a mighty oak, Sigma squirrel. Plotted with the woodland folk, alpha led with might, Sigma with mind.

Both sought to leave their mark on their kind. Alphas voice boomed across the land. While Sigma's planned work plans were quietly grand, Alpha learned from Sigma the value of thought. Sigma saw an alpha. The battles he fought.

Together they found, much to their surprise, their differences were their most valuable prize. You didn't write that, did you? That was an online written thing. What do you mean? Well, online written thing.

No, it's not that thing. He said. He said it was a thing. It's not that thing. I'm going to believe you.

Bob Muyskens
Did you write that yourself? I'm. All I'm saying is it wasn't an online written thing. I didn't find it online. Yes or no?

Mark Fischbach
Did you write that? All I'm saying is I'm not answering that question. It's a yes or no question, which you don't have to answer, apparently. Wade, this is what we're doing. Now.

Bob Muyskens
What do you have? So you know the book everybody poops? Yes. Great book. Good read.

Mark Fischbach
All right, I've got the I've got the life hits you hard. One called everybody dies, where it goes through losing everyone in your life and how you go. Okay, all right. That's why I'm not a parent. But, you know, they're all, like, animal folk of different types.

There's squirrels and dogs. Oh, okay. It's. It's animals. Good.

Wade Barnes
Cute. Whimsical lesson is life sucks deal. Are you. It's. Are you gonna.

Bob Muyskens
Are you not reading the. I didn't write that one out. I just. I thought I didn't supposed to read the whole one out, so I was just like, you know, I'll give you a synopsis. Well, you just went right for that the first time.

I thought you were. That's fine. That's okay. That's okay. I was inspired the first time, and I really feel like I went the wrong way with it, so I thought I would tone it down a notch.

Okay. Man. All of my ideas are all of a sudden a lot less fun than I think normal children books are. Mark, what do you have? Hit me with a winner.

Mark Fischbach
I've got it. Okay. You know the book? I want my hat back. Sure.

Bob Muyskens
Yes. I've got a new one. It's not based on that at all. So it's not copyright infringement. Infringement.

Mark Fischbach
I want my son back. Okay. Okay. So it's like, oh, there's a bear called Bob the bear going through the woods, and he's like, I want my son back. I want my son back.

And then there's that panel where it's. Like, where's my son? It's over there. Over there. And then the panel where the bob the bear is sitting, and it's all red, is like, I have seen my son.

And then it's like, the son's over there with a new daddy and murder. What's the lesson, Mark? Don't take my son. That's basically that book. I gotta admit.

Wade Barnes
That's. That's that book. So this is more of a children's book. That's kind of for the parents in a lot of ways. Aren't they all?

Bob Muyskens
Some of them really aren't. So some of them have nothing to offer parents. Some of them are just for the kid. And the parent reading it is kind of like, oh, okay, I agree. Like my next book, children learn to pay taxes or live off the grid.

Where you teach. The valuable lesson we never learned is how to deal with your taxes. And if you don't want to pay them, don't let the government find you. Okay, what kind of. What are the characters in this valuable lesson book?

Oh, you know, I guess. Is it giraffes that live in the off of the grid homesteading? Silly Bob. No, there's. There's.

Mark Fischbach
There's a slippery snake who lives off the grid, but then there's that slow moving sloth who just can't get away. And then there's the good lemur family who always pays their taxes. Okay, any more questions? All right, I got it. Mark, save us.

I think that was a terrible idea. I've got it here. This is gonna teach kids a life lesson that they need to understand. Bob the bonobo had a curious quirk. Do you mean bonobos?

A bonobo. Bonobo. Bo nobo. I think you said, bob the bonobo. I hate the way you say that word so much.

Bob Muyskens
All right. Bob the bonobo had a curious quirk, drinking hot tub water with a big, silly smirk. In the jungle so lush, where the wild rivers flow, he'd skip all the streams for a hot tub's warm glow. Bob. Oh, dear.

Mark Fischbach
Bob the bona bo. He didn't say that. I added that drink. I mean, I added. I wrote it.

Wade Barnes
Uh huh. I wanted that there. Drinking that water, you must do no more. But Bob, with a laugh, would jump right back in, sipping and gulping with a mischievous grin. Then there's some lesson about, uh.

Mark Fischbach
Yeah. One by one day, to Bob came a wise old toucan. Drinking like this was never the plan. Nature's own water. Water is clean, and it's free.

Try it, dear Bob. And then you will see, from that day on, Bob changed his ways. No more hot tubs in his jungle maze. He drank from the river, he drank from the rain. And never once did he sip hot tub water again.

Bob Muyskens
He did that thing where people try and rhyme again with words that sound like rain, and I dislike that very much. Interesting. I think it teaches kids that you just need to go out and drink the river water. That's the best. Which we all know is true.

Mark Fischbach
Living off the land, right? It's what Wade was getting at, but not in the right way. Showcases that man made hot tub water is full of lead, probably. I don't. I don't know if it's man made.

Bob Muyskens
Water that one felt. Catching a lot of strays over here. Felt like it almost was aimed at me. But not quite. No.

Wade Barnes
It's about James. Do you know what a bonobo is, Mark? Just cure. Yeah, it's those sex crazed monkeys. Is that an accurate.

Bob Muyskens
Are they sex crazed? That's an accurate description, my friend. Why are they sex crazed? That's an accurate description. I don't like the way you're inside me.

Wade Barnes
Bo nobo. Bonobo. That's what you're saying. We're saying the same thing. You're saying bo nobo.

Bob Muyskens
The first o is not stressed like that. It's bonobo. No, my emphasis is on the second syllable. Bo no. Bo nobo.

Bo nobo. Bo nobo. Bonobo. Bo no. Bo no.

Mark Fischbach
Bob, you're looking very bonobo. Thank you. Anyway, I thought it was whimsical, but if it's not your taste, we can modify it. I would like something. I would like a different taste direction.

Bob Muyskens
I don't think James would enjoy that very much. Wade. What? Do you bring it back? Well, you know how some kids, like, start to act out and they're mean and they have to be, like, told to behave a little bit?

Mark Fischbach
So I've got a book called children who do homework will one day be your boss. I'll read it to you. Oh, you wrote this one out. Oh, I appreciate that. Okay.

Right now, you're mean, but you should be nice. So take that bad temper and put it on ice. Do good in school, be nice to your friends. Or you may not like where your goals end. You'll be working hard for that kid you were mean to instead of with them.

On the design of a new lean to. A good time, camping out in the night, or working hard, being stuck out of sight. So do your homework and be a good kid, or watch out as your life's on a skid. That story has a threatening aura, and I like it. Well, you.

Sometimes you gotta really let them know. I appreciate that it doesn't hold back in terms of making sure that kids know everything can go wrong in their entire life could be ruined based on whatever they're doing right now in this moment. Yeah. And my character for this one, it isn't a cat and a hat. It's a bat in a vat.

And that represents the bad kid being stuck in the vat, unable to escape because they were naughty. Is it just an empty vat? Is it a vat full? The bats in there? Yeah, but there's no, like, liquid or anything else?

No, it's alone in this vat that it can't get out of. It's very sad. Okay. Okay. I feel like I'm nailing this.

Bob Muyskens
I mean, that's a good. There's a good. There's a decent lesson in there for James. You guys have anything positive for my son to hold on to do we, can we, do we have anything? I do love a good threat to a child to make sure they understand that the dire consequences of their actions.

But what about, like, tales of friendship or, like, learn, learning how to. I don't know, how to persevere through when things get tough or. Or. I don't know. You guys got any positive ideas?

Mark Fischbach
I wrote another quick one called good morning sun. It's kind of like good night moon. Oh, that sounds pretty positive. Okay, hold on. What?

Okay, never mind. I guess I didn't. Wait, hold on. Stop him. Stop him.

Bob Muyskens
Wait, stop. Can I go now? Can I, can I go now? No, no, no. I got an even better one.

Mark Fischbach
I've got an even better one that's topical but still teaches joy and wants and needs and the futures of the world. All right, are you ready? Oh, okay. In a world where robots hum and toil lived Bob the Bobby Russa, free of turmoil. AI had taken jobs both big and small, but Bob knew joy wasn't in work at all.

Look around, Bob would cheerfully say, theres beauty and fun in every day. Though machines may work in our stead imagination cant be led. Bob danced in the fields under the suns glow teaching children everywhere to let creativity flow paint with your paws sing with your heart in every ending theres a new start though AI's here to stay for good let's play and laugh as we should for machines may mimic but they can't create the love and dreams that we generate so bob the Bobby Russa, wise and true spread happiness. And a new point of view in. A world of AI don't feel blue there's still so much for us to do who wrote that?

That's why I was in a rush. I was so hard to write. That was. That was technically how. Why'd you pick a Bobby Russa?

A Bobby Russa? Do you know what that is? Yeah, it's like a pig deer. It's. Yeah, it's called.

Bob Muyskens
It's called the deer pig. Kind of gross looking. It's that sex crazed pig deer. I don't. How many are all.

Wade Barnes
What is. Why is it sex crazed? I'm just telling you, man, that's a. That's a pretty apt description of it. What's going on with animals?

Bob Muyskens
Is that really. No, I mean, I don't know enough to question it, I guess, but I just. Maybe we should pick some less sex crazed animals for the children. Book care. Well, I don't put that in the book.

Mark Fischbach
Can I go to good morning sun now? Yeah, yeah. Fine. I gotta say, this one's not as refined as my other ideas. I got the ending I'm still working on a little bit, so bear with me.

Bob Muyskens
Okay. Okay. This is a rough draft. Good morning sun warming the trees good morning sun from the fish in the seas good morning sun up in the sky good morning sun until one day you die good morning sun please don't go out good morning sun for then I will shout good morning sun please don't leave. No, really, please don't leave.

Mark Fischbach
For all the love of things. I'm scared of dying. Please, son. Please. That's all I've got so far.

Bob Muyskens
I appreciate the aim towards positivity. It gets a little dark. No pun intended. That's why it's a work in progress. I'm trying to really find that positive for.

What's the lesson? I guess appreciate the day and the. Things around us because you never know. When the sun will go out. Technically, a positive message, I guess.

Can we give something that. That will be just nice and safe and entertaining that I could definitely read to James? No traumatizing things or stuff like, just for one. Just to see. Yeah, I gotcha.

Mark Fischbach
I gotcha. This one's more about, you know, going to sleep. Okay, that's good. Okay. In a moon base far, where stars gleam bright, lived roseate spoonbill Robert.

Under the moonlight, his home was unique. An experimental dome, a place that this bird had come to call home. But, oh, one day the air grew thin. Roseate Spoonbill Robert felt a spin. I must fix this, he said with a yawn.

But his energy waned. From dusk till dawn, though he tired, he felt through corridors hed roam. Roseate spoonbill Robert was oddly alone. His steps grew heavy, his vision blurred. Yet ill try my best, was all that was heard.

The stars outside twinkled a silent cheer for Rosie. Eight spoonbill roll Robert whom they held dear. Im just so sleepy, he whispered. A flutter in his heart. But his spirit was strong, refusing to part.

The darkness crept in a soft, embracing friend roseates boom. Bill Robert didnt want it to end, but with each step he showed courage. A fight even as his world turned into a knight so close to the goal his feathers brushed the switch. But Roseate Spoonbill Robert stood, stumbled into a pitch. I did my best.

He sighed. A smile so mild as sleep took him gently. The brave spoonbill child it's about. It's okay to go to sleep. Some kids are afraid of going to.

Wade Barnes
Sleep, but it's okay. That makes me feel really positive about. Is he dying? He's going to sleep. He's dying.

Bob Muyskens
He's choosing to go to sleep. Oh, no, not choosing. Oh, does he. Does he. Does the story continue?

Does he wake up? No. This book's got to end. There could be a sequel. It could be a sequel, but it would be another character.

Is Roseate Spoonbill Robert? Is he. Is he good? He'll be mentioned in the second one. Like, on a plaque of the book.

Mark Fischbach
Like a synopsis of the previous one or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, where the answers are. The plaque of the book. Some kids are afraid of going to sleep, and I'm afraid of going to sleep now.

Wade Barnes
Yeah. So don't be afraid. It'll come take you, no matter how hard you try to stay awake. You know what? I do feel like I could read.

Bob Muyskens
That one to James. I'm not saying it's because he definitely won't understand what's happening anyway, so it's okay. But I'm not. Not saying that either. Okay.

Mark Fischbach
All right. So that's not your. I felt like that was pretty hopeful. There could be more hope. I'll work on that.

I'll work on it. Okay. I'll work on that. Okay, Wayne. Be happy, child, for I need some points.

Be happy, child. Enjoy your young joints. So run around, child. Enjoy life around. Smile, my child.

I need not expound. There's plenty of life and love all about. Life can be grand, both inside and out. So be happy, childs, and sleep cozy and warm from the time in your crib through the time in your dorm. Then life will get hard, and we'll revisit this chat.

But be happy now and don't fret about that. You know what? That one, I have to say, overwhelmingly, compared to everything else we've talked about so far, ominously cheery. Thank you. I tried really hard.

Bob Muyskens
I didn't think ominously cheery was a. Was a combination that was really achievable, but that was definitely ominously cheery. So what was that bit at the end about how it's gonna. It. Well, it's gonna get worse or you're gonna have to revisit the comment.

Mark Fischbach
Oh, you know, just after college, you know, whenever your student loans come due and, like, you got to pay taxes, worry about your career, then it's like, I picked the right career trying to find love and make love work because, you know, parenting and relationships are tough. On top of that, when you're struggling to make ends meet, working paycheck to paycheck, you know, life just gets a little hard. So that's why you talk about it again later. But for now, be happy. You know?

Enjoy childhood. The message is, enjoy being young. There's no rush to get old because there's so much goodness around now. Sure, sure. You know what?

Bob Muyskens
I like that I'm coming around on it. It was. It was. It was a little unsettling the first time I thought about it. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like it's true.

And there's nothing wrong with a true story. Thank you. EBay Motors is here for the ride. Remember when you first saw the potential? You're talking about the potential.

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Mark Fischbach
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Bob Muyskens
Dot that's ebaymotors.com eligible items only. Exclusions apply. Got anything else, Mark? Um, I mean, what do you want? You want hope?

Mark Fischbach
Because I. That was pretty hopeful. But it seems like I only love. A little more hope. Some stronger hope.

Bob Muyskens
Hit me with the hopium. All right, Bob. The bee buzzed high and low in fields where wild flowers grow. He danced in sunlight, sipped, ripped from blooms. In a world brimming with sweet perfumes, life is sweet.

Wade Barnes
Bob hummed in flight. Each day a gift, each flower right? But the flowers dwindled day by day. As meadows met their slow decay, Bob searched wide. His heart grew sore.

For each days joy less than before, he found a field, untouched, pristine. A sight so rare, so lush, so green. Hooray. Cried. Cried Bob.

My search is done. Yet this new paradise had won. For in this field, so lush and bright lay a secret just out of sight. A land that time would soon betray, where flowers bloom to wither away. The field, a trap, a final test Bob worked till he could barely rest.

His hope, a veil for deeper fears. For joy conceals the path to tears final bloom. So pure, so sweet. Bob savored his deceptive treat. Life is beautiful.

He sighed in peace as darkness crept a silent beast. Bob the bee. In fields of doom hung beauty in impending gloom. A twisted tale, a hope and pain. Our sunshine masked the coming rain.

Yet in the end, Bob smiled wide despite the darkness that locked him inside. For hope, horribly connected, was slight, kept his little heart alight. So what's the lesson in that one, then? Hope. Oh, okay.

Bob Muyskens
Hope against relentless doom? Or hope in the face of guaranteed failure, or what? No. Well, it's like, you know, you gotta. Hope that flower is not gonna eat you.

Wade Barnes
Oh, yeah. I guess that's a good hope to have. That's. That one didn't make me feel very. Oh, man.

Bob Muyskens
What do you want from me? What do you want? I'm giving you hope. I'm thinking maybe this was a bad idea. What do you mean?

Mark Fischbach
What do you mean, one? He's gotten all. You get to go first. I get. I get one more.

Bob Muyskens
It's been back and forth. Yeah, it's been back and forth. So. Yeah, so he's left a bad taste in your mouth. But I got this.

You're gonna save everything, Wade. Yes. This one starts tough, right? But it ends in a good, positive, hopeful message. Sure, sure.

Wade Barnes
It's called y'all give you the title later. Oh, okay. The world was cruel and we made some mistakes while you were young and nibbling on cakes. You didn't deserve. The world we leave you but it's what you get.

Mark Fischbach
We wouldn't bereave you. I hope you can fix the problems we've made don't judge us too harshly. We also had no aid. We did our best and though we did fail, we sent our mess to you right through the mail. We know you're mad and we could have done better but wipe those eyes, don't let them get wetter.

We know you're smart and have lots of tricks. So our mess is now yours and you'll find a fix. And it's called the problems we leave you. The titles work in progress, but, you know, it's about how, like, the world's a mess, and it always has been, and we've all had to deal with it. Now it's the next generation's problem to fix, but we know they can do it.

That's the hope, right? This was a mistake, guys. I. You put. There's some real good stories here, and I think maybe just.

Bob Muyskens
They're just for, like, slightly older audiences than I was hoping for. No, they rhyme. They rhyme, so. They're for, like, three year olds. And I appreciate the effort.

Mark Fischbach
Mark's rhyme, too. We write. Mark. We rhyme. Yeah, we rhymed.

We just wrote, like, ten books between the two of us in less than an hour. I think we deserve a lot of credit for the amount of effort we've given. Sure. What? I got.

No, this is everything you want, I swear. Okay. Are you sure? I've got one. Mark and I have one more.

I'll have one more. I've got mine. Ready? Wait, you know what? You've been complaining the whole time.

Bob Muyskens
Go ahead, buddy. I think I once, but I'll call it the whole time. Most. At least three times. Okay, so, Mark, I'm jumping in.

Mark Fischbach
Mine still work in progress. I did this quickly. Just want you to know it's a couple things that I want to replace. So it's gonna be really good, okay? Happiness, blah, blah, blah.

Good message. Good message. Ha ha ha. Probably need points to win this thing now, but that's life. Please don't have a cow.

So smile and joy and laughter and stuff. Drink milk, eat veggies and grow strong and tough. Go out to parks and have a good time and finish this book with your own rhyme. It's called creative outlet, the book where you can kind of fill in the message yourself to some extent, but it's all positive. There's nothing negative there.

It was very positive. No, it was very positive. I did that for you. And I hope you enjoy that one and feel comfortable reading that one. One I did.

Bob Muyskens
You know what? That one made me feel the best out of any of them have so far. What do you got, Mark? All right, I got you. In a world of wagons rolling west on the Oregon trail a daunting quest lived a tiny bonobo, Bob by the name, the smallest of his clan, but brave all the same.

Mark Fischbach
Bob was often left behind so small. Small and slow. As the caravan moved, he struggled to follow. Through forests dark and rivers wide. Bob stumbled and panted, but kept his stride.

Bob Muyskens
Wait for me. Hed cry beneath the vast, starry sky. But the wagons rolled on and the night would sigh. Each evenings, campfire, a beacon of hope. Bob's tiny heart would struggle and cope.

Wade Barnes
One night, the darkness was deeper than before. Bob lost his way. Couldn't find the shore. Wolves howled and the cold wind blew. Bob shivered and wondered what to do.

The night was a blanket, thick and unkind. Bob feared hed be forever left behind. With every step, he felt more alone. In the vast wild darkness so far from home. But Bob never stopped.

He pushed through the fear, remembering the campfire, hoping it was near. His tiny legs ached, but he couldn't give up for the hope of warmth and a friendly pup. The dawn was breaking gold and blue when bobbled. Bob stumbled into view. The kids cheered.

Mark Fischbach
Bob, you made it through for love. And warmth like morning dew. Bob the bonobo, small but fierce, taught them all love's power to pierce through the darkest night and fears untold bravery and heart turned lead to gold. So remember, little ones, when the night seems long. Let Bob's courage make you strong.

Wade Barnes
No matter how dark, no matter the plight, morning always follows the longest night. I wish I had assistants writing my shit. Damn. I wrote that all myself. And it's based off of the true story of the Oregon trail, where kids would often be left behind because they were too slow to keep up with the wagons.

Mark Fischbach
And the parents just hoped that they would arrive there later in the night. And they did. Sometimes. They sometimes made it. It.

Wade Barnes
You know what? I'm not going to play it up too much. That was actually pretty uplifting, Mark. It got really sketchy in the middle. And there's some complicated life lessons that probably don't apply to modern civilization as much as.

But you know what? I appreciate that. I think those. Both of those last two are very serviceable children's stories. I think they've all been.

Bob Muyskens
They were very brothers. Grimy. Everybody dies, pay taxes. Don't get sad. Meet your new dad.

Mark Fischbach
Going to sleep is okay. All right, I'm gonna. I'm gonna take those last two and really hold on to those in my heart. And then I'm gonna just read you the points that you guys got. I didn't even write stories for high school.

Be the best time of your life. Or why grown ups are sad. I skipped those two. Those sound like complicated stories. All right, Mark, here.

Bob Muyskens
Here are your points as described in the book of things so famous. Judging people googled conventions, coercing companies to help you. Hrar Alpha, alpaca. Don't take my son. Bonobo.

Sex crazed pigs. Roseate spoonbill in space, not the bees and more bonobo giving you a total of twelve points, mark Wade, you got. Doing nothing, Mark. Withholding love. Still nothing.

Wrote entire book. Saddy daddy, everybody dies. Lemur, taxes, bona bull, threats to children. Technically positive, ominously cheery next gen problems and creative outlet. Ha.

I sort of wrote that one over top of a lot of the other stuff I had written. Anyway, it was a close fight. But, Wade, those earned you a total of 13 points. That's more than twelve. It is more than twelve.

Mark Fischbach
Wait, does having more points mean I win? I didn't say that it doesn't. Do you want it to mean that you lose? No. No, I'm glad to win.

Just at the start of this episode, you implied that, like, having more points doesn't always. You seem concerned. Do you want to give any of your points to Mark? Cause you seem really bothered by that amount of points that have. No, I want to keep them on with that.

Bob Muyskens
Bold decision. Today's winner is. Wait, are you acting like it's not gonna be? What? You said something in the intro of this episode where you were like, the host could decide who wins.

Mark Fischbach
It's not always who has the most points. So I was just afraid that that was some nugget of information you were implying. I'm not gonna foreshadow this episode. In this episode. That's for later.

I. I have. You don't have to give me points, but Wade said something about a story about peaking in high school. I actually have that story in front of me right now. You have my children's book in front of you?

Yeah, I got it. I bought a copy. Would you like your loser speech to be your story about how you peaked in high school? Yes, I would. Here we go.

In the heart of the jungle, not too wide or tall, lived Bob the bonobo. Smallest of all his siblings, were bigger, much stronger indeed. But Bob had had a spirit that none could impede. Peaking in high school. It's perfectly fine.

Bob would sing out, swinging from vine to vine. Being the best at such a young age is like being a star bright on the stage, his friends would all worry. But Bob, what about later? He'd laugh and he'd tell them, I'm a now, not a later. High school's my jungle, where I shine and roar.

And if that's my peak, I couldn't ask for more. Bob danced through his days, his comments unshaken his joy in the present, never forsaking. Peaking early, he'd say, is a treasure, not a plight, for living in the moment makes every moment so bright. So Bob the Bonobo taught all who'd listen that shining right now makes the whole world glisten. Bonabo.

Bob Muyskens
It's Bonobo. Bonobo could earn more points if you could say it right. Bonobo. Bonobo. Bonobo.

Mark Fischbach
Bonobo. Good story. Good story about yourself, Mark. I appreciate the honesty, Wade. Congratulations.

Bob Muyskens
Probably the episode's not over. No, I wouldn't I wouldn't do that to you. That'd be very mean. Do you have a winner's speech? My winner's speech is also my last book of why grown ups are sad.

Mark Fischbach
I'll read it to you. How uplifting. Thank you. Grown ups are sad because they can't always win. Grown ups are sad because they're out, not in.

Children can laugh, cheer and then cry, but adults must always keep a dry eye. So love being a kid as long as it lasts. Because when you're old, you just want the past. So enjoy being young and happy and stuff, because when you get old, it only gets tough. So you like being old?

Wade Barnes
Oh, yeah. It's great. Go to bed whenever I want. Have Mac and cheese whenever I want, have dessert at like midnight. Hell yeah.

Bob Muyskens
I gotta say, this didn't go exactly how I thought it would. But I appreciate you guys putting in a lot of work. There definitely one or two stories here that I could read to James. Good morning, son. The space one, the roseate spoonbill in space one was pretty good.

Yes, that would probably the bees one also might. This maybe could work. Whistle meet your new daddy, Saddy daddy. Could work. Saddy daddy is an important lesson.

Mark Fischbach
Learn to pay taxes. That one's not very exciting, but that is a valuable and important thing to talk about. They don't teach it in school. Someone's got to teach it. Might as well be children's books.

Bob Muyskens
I feel sad. Thanks for listening to this episode or watching only on Spotify. You could find a mark at markiplier. Wait at Lord minion 777 or minion 777. My name is my skirmish on the Internet.

Check out the merch@distractiblestore.com and new, new and exciting stuff not yet out but soon coming bookmark it will tell you probably when this stuff comes out, but that's. I feel genuinely depressed. I got one more. You want one more? I'm so.

I've got plenty of material for James. I got one more. Don't know. Save that for next. Save that for something else.

Tell somebody else I am done and I regret everything I've ever done. Thank you for watch listening. That's the end. Podcast out. He asked Mama Bonobo, what happens when we're gone?

Mark Fischbach
Do we disappear before the dawn? Mama sighed. Bob, my dear, it's true. All things end. Me and you.

Bob tried to smile, to find some joy, but the fear lingered. Oh, poor boy. He left and played. Yet deep inside, inside the dread of endings never died. Bob lived with a heart so wary in a world he found quite scary.

He loved, he lost. He felt life sting and feared what each new day might bring. Remember, Bob, when you feel small. Facing fears that make you feel appalled. Live with love.

Let joy ignite. But know all things end like day to night.

Wade Barnes
But know all things end like day to night.

Uplifting Children's Stories

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Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1. Introduction

2. Diving into Stories

3. Humorous Anecdotes

4. Discussion and Reflection

5. Conclusion

Actionable Advice

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