Animal Noises

Mark Fischbach
This episode is brought to you by Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile. Mint mobile. Mint mobile. Everyone loves Mint mobile, and it's time for more mint mobile.

Bob Muyskens
Mint Mobile if you say a word too much, it doesn't sound like a word anymore. Mint mobile. Mint mobile. Mint mobile. Mint mobile.

Mark Fischbach
Mint mobile. Mint mobile. Did you know Mint Mobile has unlimited talk? Everyone knows Mint Mobile has unlimited talk, text and data plans for $15 a month. When you buy a three month plan.

Everyone knows it. Everyone knows you can save with Mint Mobile. Mintmobile.com distractible use distractable use the slash distractable to get this new customer offer, go to Mint mobile.com distractible. That's mintmobile.com Dash Ible dollar 45 upfront. Payment required.

Equivalent to $15 a month for the first three months only. Speeds slower than 40gb on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Seem in mobile for details. This episode is brought to you by accounting plus.

Here's a story that's 100% true, and it's about how accounting is a great choice of career. Here's the facts. With accounting, you'll have flexibility, great pay, and the kind of lifestyle you've always dreamed of. It's a lifestyle that's less math and spreadsheets and more traveling, personal and professional growth, and making a positive impact on your family and community. Want to start an exciting new chapter?

Wade Barnes
Accounting plus provides free resources that will help guide you to a successful career in accounting and personal freedom. Do more live more joinacountingplus.com Dot this. Episode is brought to you by eBay Motors eBay Motors is here for the ride. Have you guys ever work on your cars? If I had one.

Bob Muyskens
It's very satisfying. If you had a cool car like mine, you could use eBay motors. Do you think that if I could get the individual parts and then assemble my own car? Yeah, they do have over 122 million parts. Plus with eBay guaranteed fit, they're guaranteed to fit your ride the first time, every time.

Mark Fischbach
Keep your ride or die alive@ebaymotors.com. That's ebaymotors.com only. Exclusions play good evening, gentle listener, and welcome to distractable. This episode mentholated mark consults his tomb from the tub again and sets his friends against the fauna fandom. Weaving Wade has his duts cleaned channels.

Smeagol combusts like a boss and sings up Simba. Bloodthirsty bob breeds Robin bobbins, spots science stoners and ulates like a legend. From apple cash to trolley Wade again. Yes, it's time for animal noises. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show.

Hello. Welcome to distractable. You made the right choice. I want you to know that today, every decision you make is the right one because you started it with this podcast. Go forward into your life knowing that you have clairvoyance on your side.

Wade Barnes
Clairvoyance. Clairvoyance. Spell it. Is that Sarah annoyance's sister? That's so funny.

Mark Fischbach
I'm not gonna laugh at it. Thank you. That's the best kind of funny. I was trying at the left, but I'm gonna give you at least a giggle.

Ah, see, you did pick the right episode. We're up to a rip roaring start, as my hosting episodes always are. A riot of a time. Rip roaring. Rip roaringly.

You rip your roar. Spell it. I loved rip roaringly. And men in black. Whose brother is rip roaring?

Wade Barnes
I don't know. He went from roaring to torn. Is that rip torn? Okay, maybe that was what joke you were going for. I got it.

Mark Fischbach
Okay. All right. I see Wade got it, even though he only heard two of the five words I said. Dude, I got a problem. I'm not even multitasking.

Wade Barnes
Like, I don't even have any distracting windows up, and I still can't pay attention. How many windows of Shakira do you have open on your desktop right now? There are two windows that are open, but they're both on just the Google blank screen. Well, I am hosting, as I said, and this episode is guaranteed to be hilarious because of that. Because I'm not participating in the games.

Mark Fischbach
These two guys are. Yay. I'm one of these two. Yes. It's Bob and Wade and War.

Wade and Bob. It doesn't have to be in that order. In a lot of ways, it would be Bob and Wade. Alphabetically. Tallest to shortest, fattest to skinniest.

Bob Muyskens
Is this what you're looking for? Mark, this is great. I already said because of clairvoyance, this is an excellent choice of an episode, so we can't live that down. Every decision that you guys make is hilarious and earns points. And because of that, what are you writing on my paper?

Wade Barnes
Okay, it looks like you're holding, like, a paper bag at the grocery store with, like, celery sticking out, so I just want to make sure. No, that beast. That'd be dumb. Why would I do that? That's silly.

Mark Fischbach
I'm gonna give you a silly point, because that's just silly. That's too silly. Is it a paper? What is that? It's my Tome.

Bob Muyskens
It might be a brown paper bag. No, it's not a brown paper bag. It's not. See? Oh, it's cardboard.

Okay. It's like an Amazon box. Okay. There's no celery. It's like tape or something.

Wade Barnes
Okay. No, actually, it's a waterloo container. Oh, okay. I hate this rule of physical writing. Man, you'd be shocked at how little paper I have.

Bob Muyskens
I thought you were the man who liked journaling and writing your ideas down, and everything was physical because it was tangible. I left. I. Well, actually, there's this digi. We're not sponsored by these people, but they make a digital, like, e ink write journal thing that I like.

Mark Fischbach
It's way overpriced. Don't buy it. But it does replicate the sensation of writing the most accurately I've ever seen in a digital device. Like, the iPad's nice with its, like, stylus. The.

You know, Samsung has their tablets with their pens and even phones, but the one I did get does it. But I left it in LA, so I don't have it. Have you ever tried this? It actually also replicates writing. I can't zoom in on it.

No. You know what? That thing. That thing that. I think I know what you're talking about in the world of writing is such a big deal that when I was in law school, they were in, like, beta testing it, and a guy came to our law school and was like, lawyers write all the time, and don't you just hate writing on not paper?

Bob Muyskens
Look at this. And they had us, like, give them consumer feedback on the writing fee. It's. It's very expensive. I'm blown away at how expensive that thing is.

Mark Fischbach
It is way overpriced. It is cool, but it's so overpriced. That's why I'm not recommending it nor saying what it is. If you want it, get it, but I'm not gonna help you in any way. Well, actually, I helped at the beginning, so I've done all the help I need to do.

Wait, I'm gonna help you by segwaying into an opportunity for you to win points by telling us about your life. I'm ready. Oh, life's good. We had our ducts cleaned yesterday, which I didn't know was kind of a thing you do, but I guess you're supposed to have your ducks cleaned. Ours is part of, like, the h vac replacement, so it was free.

Wade Barnes
Wasn't a problem. No house broke. Just a nice, positive thing that might help my breathing a little bit. So we got some. What was cleaned?

Air ducts. Yeah. Thank you. There's a t in that word. Ducts.

Bob Muyskens
Yeah. Say it again. Ducts. Now say it in the sentence. We had our air ducts cleaned.

Mark Fischbach
Yeah. See? How do I. Ducts. No, I guess I say it the same way.

Bob Muyskens
We had our air ducts cleaned. We had our air ducts cleaned. Well, I don't know where that came from. That's not the part. That's not at the thing that.

Wade Barnes
We're dipped clean. All right, Wade, you must, if. I will give you so many points if you do that accent the entire episode. Okay. Well, we had our air ducts clean, and next thing I knew, my breathing was, I can't do it, man.

Mark Fischbach
Oh. I was about to write the point down. I was literally about to write it. Ah, I don't deserve it. I can't do it.

Wade Barnes
There's leaves on the trees. It's nice to go outside. Sitting on the porch is really nice. I don't know. Just like.

Just a good. Good vibes, you know? Just good vibes. Nothing crazy going on but good vibes. Do you have a rocking chair on your front porch?

Mark Fischbach
A little table to sit some lemonade on? No. We do have rocking chairs on the back. Well, I call them rocking chairs. They're like those chairs that, like, have the cushions, but they turn, but they also can rock a little bit.

A rocking chair. I think a rocking chair is like the sleigh bed. Wooden thing that, like, old lady and the. You don't have rocking chairs. You just have chairs that rock.

Wade Barnes
Beverly hillbillies, I think of that. What are your thoughts when the children are playing but they keep going into your lawn? Oh, they know better. Do you have any sort of reputation for having stolen kids baseballs or murdered their dogs? Cause they snuck onto your property?

Bob Muyskens
Anything like that in your neighborhood? They don't make it that far. What is that? You kill them before they get on your property. I see the dogs making a run for it, and I'm like, don't do it.

Wade Barnes
We have an understanding with them. Interesting. Ominous. Okay. All right.

Bob Muyskens
Sounds like a casual, fun summer. See, you have all this. Like, you. You start your. Your small talk.

Mark Fischbach
Very boring, and then you give small snippets into the windows of intrigue that are your life. And I hope just someday, to experience the full magnitude of that intrigue. Well, some things I gotta keep for myself. You know, you can come visit and experience it. I'm going to as soon as I'm done with this.

Wade Barnes
Nothing like hearing the snap of an alligator's jaw as a child crosses the lawn. Uh uh, uh uh. So beautiful. The earth is healing all right. That's great.

Mark Fischbach
Good, Bob, how's your life? Speaking of nature, we had a nest that was dormant over the winter, but then a robin came and moved into it on our back porch and then laid three eggs. And we've been following the saga of the three little robin chicks who've been growing up in the nest on our back porch. And they're going to, like, fly away any day now. They're apparently up to, like, ten to 14 days.

Bob Muyskens
Is kind of the window from when they hatch to when they try and leave the nest, I guess, which seems crazy, but they're, they're standing, they're looking big. You can see that when their head peek up over and mom feeds them and even the dad is here, which I didn't know dad birds did that. So the mom and the dad are around and they take turns, like, hanging out the nest and bringing them food and stuff. They're less likely to join Batman, I'd. Say, then, well, you have to have parents for them to get murdered, so.

Plus, aren't they more likely to become Robin anyway? I don't know his main origin story. I just know in, like, the movie because they're robins. Literally, I said that they're robins. They would definitely be robins.

Wade Barnes
Robins. Some banks. Now that you've got that sorted, I'm going to give Bob the honorary segue. But wait, what? Oh, I didn't say my bit about the Tickler.

See, he didn't tell his bit about the Tickler. I had to stop him. Oh, never mind. I thought he was done. No, I.

Bob Muyskens
Before, I think it's before we were recording or before the episode started. Anyway, I saw a thing about. Have you guys ever heard of the movie the Tickler? No. Should I look it up or not look it up?

No, you can look it up. It's not, it's not equipment, it's not a long story. This is from, I think, a, an Andy Burbeck video, him and his brother to put out a video for the past week talking about, like, movies and tv and stuff. The tickler movie that I'm referencing is a movie from, like, the fifties, I think. The Tingler.

Oh, the Tingler. That might be it. That's a very different thing than the tickler. The Tingler. Okay.

It's equally dirty sounding. The Tingler was a movie where they put electric connections onto each seat in the auditorium where the movie was shown, and it would zap you when the Tingler appeared on screen and the audience was encouraged to scream to scare away the Tingler. And the marketing for this movie was like, it's guaranteed that the Tingler will make its way into your theater. As you watch this movie, you must scream as loud as you can to scare him away or he'll tingle you forever or something. But, like, it just sounds like the most hilarious four d sci fi movie experience from the 1950s or whatever.

It was, like, time period, the heyday of the silver screen. It just is fucking hilarious. Could you imagine someone trying to do that modernly where it's like. I mean, they have rides like that, like, you know, Disney and places where it's like a 4d experience, but just a movie where your seat, like, vibrates and they're like, scream. Scream to make the little girl go back in the tv.

Mark Fischbach
Oh, man, that's horrifying. I mean, that'd be a good way to get people to put their damn cellphones away and shut the fuck up. Whoa. Oh, yeah. Add that to Wade's list of old man things.

Wade Barnes
I don't know. It drives me nuts, dude. Bright phone screens. Like, they actually do drive me nuts during movies. It's always the bro right in front of me somehow.

They're like, dude, look at this girl respond. I'm like, I am trying so hard to watch this movie, bro. It's part of the entertainment, man. You just gotta enjoy it. I'll never forget, there was.

Bob Muyskens
We went to the California Academy of Science in San Francisco, and they had, like, an omnimax movie about, like, the origins of life. And, you know, like, the way the evidence for how life evolved on earth and all these things, this sort of stuff like that. And there was this dude who's so fucking stoned that he could not deal with what was happening on screen. It was an omnimax thing, right? So, like, it goes outside of your peripherals, and it's just like.

You're just, like, flying through space and, like, oh, maybe there was a micro organism on an asteroid. And it's like, whoosh. Asteroid. Anytime any movement happened on screen, this dude was just like, whoa, oh, whoa. Oh, my God.

And, like, it was just him. And he could. The whole time, he couldn't keep it together. It was so funny. That's great.

Mark Fischbach
Honestly, like, someone getting such pure enjoyment out of it. I I don't mind that. Yeah, that's different than, like, the dudes who are snickering and laughing while, like, some sad things happening on screen that they're clearly talking about something completely unrelated. It's like, oh, my God, shut the fuck up. Why are you even at the movie?

Well, anyway, back to the Segue point. I might have to retract it because it's too far removed from the segue now. Stink bugs are making a comeback. Beware. I feel like seen them.

Bob Muyskens
Are you just shooting for segues or what's. Mark, back to you. Uh huh. Okay. All right.

Mark Fischbach
No one gets the Segway point. I thought we only made right decisions. What happened, Mark? Nope. You made poor ones because you didn't listen to.

You didn't choose this episode. You were obligated to be here. Oh. I mean, you're right. My segway got shot to hell.

I don't even feel like doing it anymore. Segway? No, there's no segway. I don't remember what Bob originally talked about to make a segue, but it's gone. Yeah, it's pretty.

Wade Barnes
God. All right, here's my segue. Ah, Wade, thank you. Can you identify what is making this sound?

Yeah, it's whenever you weed eat and you hold it too close to the little stones in the garden while also getting the weeds that are real thick. Incorrect, Bob. Do you have any idea what the sound is? That is a flock of DJI Mavic minis attacking the person recording with their cell phone. Also wrong.

Mark Fischbach
You're both wrong. That's the game we lost. It's, uh. Bees. That's right, Bob.

Bob Muyskens
All right. Not the bees. It is bees. You get a point because you properly identified the animal that made the sound. Uh oh.

Mark Fischbach
You get one bee point. I'm in for another long day now. Wade, you have a chance here because there's a second point available. It's whoever can mimic the animal better than the other gets another point. And if no.

And this also applies if no one can identify the animal, it still applies. So there's points to be had. Okay, so now, Wade, imitate that sound.

That was pretty good. I even think he got the duration. Correction, Bob. You think he could do better?

Bob Muyskens
Huh? No, wait. You did it. You did it. You.

Mark Fischbach
You be the bee. Better than Bob. Be the bee. That wasn't it. Are you?

Bob Muyskens
How far off was I? It was pretty far, cuz Wade was surprisingly close. He had a gollum in his bees, but I think it was just gollum twitching on the ground after being stung. This is my voice, man. Yeah, I was gonna say his kind of just sounded like Gollum pretending to be bees, but I guess it was still pretending to be bees.

Wade Barnes
We learned when we were filming wug that sometimes I just devolve into Gollum. It does make a lot of sense. All right, so if you haven't guessed, this is the game we're playing. I have a bunch of animal sounds, and you guys are going to guess what these animals are for. Points.

Mark Fischbach
And then make up points if you didn't get it by imitating them. I get to sit and enjoy all of it. Good. I also have a story that relates to this in some way. I just.

It's a. It's a. Actually not a story I experience. It's a. It's an article that I'm stealing from someone else.

I didn't make any of this. Don't. Don't you know how to do that? It's a story. Tell it.

Wade Barnes
I was a little worried about identifying the animals mark, but I got to say that making animal noises. I dated a girl in college who made me do the same thing, so I'm prepared for this. Hmm. Hmm. Did she involuntarily make you make animal noises, or are you saying that she asked you to do a lot of imitations of animals?

Well, I just made her up in my head and was like, that'd be funny to say out loud. What's the imaginary story? I'm here for it. Yeah. Yeah.

Mark Fischbach
Sounds like a good imaginary story. Oh, it was a pillow talk. Some women like back rubs before, some like donkey impressions. Is this like your canadian supermodel girlfriend? That was very definitely real.

Bob Muyskens
Probably. She was american, but she modeled internationally. International model. And she was real is real. She just spent a lot of time in Canada, and that's why she can't be here right now.

Wade Barnes
I don't know where Canada came from. I never said Canada. I was just talking about this with Tyler, and I was confused because he said. Because we were reminiscing about putters. Right.

Mark Fischbach
Or not putters. A village tavern. And he said, you met this model at putters. I did. See, that doesn't make sense to me.

That doesn't make any sense to me. Why would that have occurred at putters, of all places in Milford? You expect an international model to be at the putters in Milford? Let me tell you a secret. Her family lived in Milford.

Wade Barnes
Oh, Ed Putters, on a Friday and Saturday night, had a bar. You telling me? You telling me? You telling me?

Bob Muyskens
All right, well, let him have this, Mark. We don't need to take this away from him. I'm gonna invite you two over and just log on and show you that she exists. How are you gonna show that she exists? She has a Facebook account, man.

Wade Barnes
I think we're still friends. There's gonna be a bunch of. A bunch of advertisements from online ads for, like, whatever she models. Just snipped out really sloppily in Photoshop. Like, see, she sent me these.

I'm gonna show you a scrapbook of, like, different people cut up and put together. Like, see, here she is. I don't love that. That's concerning. Well, anyway, the article that I have here by Jessica Glenza of the Guardian, that pertains to the thing I was just doing.

Oh, sure. She can be real. Anyway, North Carolina child's monster in the closet was, in fact, 50,000 bees in the wall. Oh, geez. That sounds like a lot of bees.

Bob Muyskens
I don't know if that's a lot of bees. That sounds like a lot of bees. I think Molly linked me that article, and I didn't read it because I saw that, and I was just like, I'm good. Don't need to know. I mean, it's just.

Wade Barnes
It's. It's a fascinating read because it continues ongoing. Family discovers terrifying gigantic bee colony in wall of home with blood like honey oozing down wall. I don't know why it was blood. Like, I'll ask AI.

Maybe they had a red wall. So the honey, like, some of the red dye on the way out. It's possible. Or that they were, like, sampling some very red fruit or some red flowers or something like that. I'm not.

Or they got their pollen from people. The color of honey primarily depends on the types of flowers from which the bees collect the nectar. Okey dokey. Well, there you go. Anyway, that is nothing to do with anything that we're talking about, other than the first segway was about a bee.

Bob Muyskens
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Mark Fischbach
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Bob Muyskens
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It's probably important. Oh, no way. Do I need to repeat what the game we're playing is? I pretty much got it. I think I'll get.

I'll get all the crushes. Correct. And Wade will make all the noises, and it'll be a tie. Well, Bob, I got a tough one for you. Okay.

Mark Fischbach
If you can identify this sound, you could get a point. Oh, God. I want to say this is some kind of arachnid. No, I'm going to go with cow. That is correct.

It was a cow. Hard to believe. You get a point. All right, Wade. All right, here we go.

Wade Barnes
Here we go.

Sorry, I spiegeled again. That was a complete accident, guys. Actually, wait. I totally forgot there was some other thing I was going to do. Wade, is there any other thing that you think that animal could be that would be more convincing then the correct answer?

Yeah. So after Tuesdays, whenever I usually do podcast, stream, and then record, I sit in this chair for a long time. That's also the sound my knees make whenever I stand up after being here for 12 hours. That's incorrect. You don't know that.

Mark Fischbach
You're right. I don't. If you can record that sound and it sounds exactly like this recording.

All right, well, that was a tie, because I think you both made the exact same sound, and I don't know who did it better. My first one was clearly the best. Yeah. If Wade gets credit for his first one, doesn't that mean that I win? I have no idea.

Was that. Should we count that? That was the official moo. Moo. Moo.

Your ability to do a golem esque cow is very impressive. Precious. Moo. Precious.

Wade Barnes
It's me, smiggle. Hey, is that my ring? Where did you find that? What is. Potatoes.

Precious. Gollum. How do we get to Mordor? Well, you take the 405. Follows me.

Bob Muyskens
If you reach the city of the damned, you've gone too far running. Get on the farm. Just go. All right, Wade, you win. You've convinced me.

Mark Fischbach
That's a good cow impression right there. That's a cow fighter. This is fun to do. I don't want to make a rule saying that, you know, he can't win every time, but I think, you know, no. Fair.

Bob Muyskens
Fair is fair. Fair is fair. All right, Wade, are you ready for your next animal? Yeah, man. Can't wait.

Mark Fischbach
Here we go.

Bob Muyskens
I didn't hear these.

Wade Barnes
I can't help but feel like that's a little bit more challenging than the cow. Why does he get cow and I get Mark stubbing his toe while falling down a flight of stairs? No, you know what that was? That was Tyler. Six minutes into a hard laugh.

Mark Fischbach
I'll play it again because. Please.

This is a real animal. This is a real animal. I want to qualify. These are all animals. Okay.

Wade Barnes
This is. This is the european jackrabbit pony. It sounds like a motorcycle, and whenever you ride it around, you have to tilt its ear a little bit to make sure you're getting the full speed. That is a pretty good guess, but unfortunately, that is not correct. Bob, what was your guess?

Bob Muyskens
My first guess was, this is Tyler. Six minutes into a really good laugh. I also think it kind of sounds like a donkey who forgot how donkeys are supposed to sound. Is it weird my first thing I thought was Mark stubbing his toe while falling down a flight of stairs. Is that what the second half is?

Mark starts falling out of the sea.

Mark Fischbach
I'll hold your impressions, because there's gonna be another point on the board. I want you guys to understand. Neither of you got what it was, but it's a camel. Oh, there's a lot of stairs in camel land. God, this one stops.

Bob Muyskens
If I really go over this, I feel like this is gonna physically hurt me. You both just did it together. You both.

Yeah. Is that it? That'll do it. That felt good. Did it?

Mark Fischbach
I don't think it looked. It didn't look like it felt good. Oh, no. It felt better than I thought it would. Okay.

All right. Wait, that's this fucking rally car over here. What the. That's what I hear, man. I can't tell which one of us did it better, but I feel like we were both really close.

You both did a great job. I think Bob did it just a little better. It was very close, so I'll give you that weight. It was a good impression, but I think he had a longer gap in between the two parts.

Wade Barnes
You get Bob, the point. I just wanted to redeem myself. Oh, geez. All right, so, Bob. Yeah?

Mark Fischbach
You were. You were a camel. Better. I did go to a school whose mascot was a camel. Oh.

Wade Barnes
Marlboro University, almost. It wasn't North Carolina University. Is Marlborough the one with the camel? No, it's camels. That's the one with the camel.

Bob Muyskens
No, that's right. It's the camel. Camel. That's right. Is that really what that cigarette brand is?

Is it camels? Yeah, that's what my dad smoked back quote before he quit. That makes so much sense why their mascot was a camel then. I never put it together. I really thought I was correct.

Wade Barnes
Oh, hey, Marlboro is just the red. It's just a cowboy guy. Is it? It's the Marlboro man. Right?

Bob Muyskens
Mister cowboy. Listen, guys, as a big time smoker. I should know my stuff, which is fair. Which is fair. You know, I said total, not related.

Mark Fischbach
But like, I remember because I've always said I'm nostalgic about the smell of cigarettes. Like, for some reason I love them. I don't smoke. I'm never going to smoke. But the smell of cigarettes a lot of people find unappealing.

I find them very appealing. My dad also had a secret drawer, and I bet you're thinking that this is where the cigarettes are. It's not. There was something even more valuable than cigarettes in there. Socks and lotion?

No. How many socks? How much lotion? No camel bucks. Ooh.

So every, apparently every pack, and this is not indicative of a good habit because there were a lot in there and every pack of cigarettes came with one little mini, like monopoly dollar of camels. I don't know what it meant, but I knew that if I opened that drawer, there were riches untold. Because it was like, it's a office drawer. It was half full. God damn.

Wade Barnes
He emptied it every day. No, I mean, he. He smoked a lot. And he was very loyal to that brand. He did quit at some point.

Mark Fischbach
Just cold turkey, straight up. Don't smoke, everybody. It's bad for you. I always wondered what happened to that drawer of camelbugs. Anyway, this is good.

Wait, this is gonna seem like sunfare. Yeah, sure. I can't wait for a cat meowing, man. Let's hear it.

Wade Barnes
This is after we eat taco bell diarrhea. That was definitely a lion's roar. You are correct. That was a lion. Which meant.

Mark Fischbach
It's very funny. A way that you said a cat's meowing. This is all that, like, wait. Can't win. The episode where I get fucking camel.

Wade Barnes
He gets cow and lion. No, I was saying. I was literally saying, like, it wasn't. That's not what it is. No, it's cool.

It's cool. Has a lot of points on my comb. I can't wait for the african skeet beetle to be my next noise. Is that real? I have no fucking idea, man.

That's the kind of animal you can skeet Beetle. What's. It's attracted. It's attracted to jizz. What is a skeet beetle?

Mark Fischbach
Wait, I'll give you another point. If you can do an impression of the african skeet beetle. Holy shit. I didn't know you could beat box. What the fuck?

You want to. You want to do an impression? Me of the. Of the lion or of the african skeet beetle? I don't know who.

Anything. Give me anything. Come on. I'm ready to give a point. Who's gonna be.

Wade Barnes
I just did one. I thought that's what. Call me crazy.

Anybody. Give it to an impression, man. Mark only. I'm ready to give a point to anybody. Anybody.

Mark Fischbach
Not you. The way you are with words. Apparently Mark is with animal impressions. He only catches every other one. It's like, man, nice job.

Wade Barnes
Anyone want to do an impression now? All right, Wade, but here's your. That was a bonus point, so you're welcome. And you got it. It's here.

Mark Fischbach
Can you do a lion roar?

Wade Barnes
Do I have to do the underbelly growl? No, that was your attempt. What are you talking about? Yeah, well, I've definitely got this one. Hang on.

Bob Muyskens
Wait for it.

Wade Barnes
For those not watching, Bob has his ass to the microphone.

Bob Muyskens
Well, that's pretty good, though, right? It's pretty close. I got another line impression. I wanna be a mighty king so enemies be with. Keep going.

Mark Fischbach
Keep going. I can't sing much more of this song because I've got no hair. Alright, that's enough, Bob, I don't think I can give you the point for that one. Oh, but he took mine. I was just gonna do the silly roar, cuz I.

Bob Muyskens
How do you make lion sounds? I don't know what happens. You get to go first, Bob. You get the easy animals. I get the easy noises.

Mark Fischbach
I even cut them off with his dumb first try. And it was still better than your fart in the microphone trick. Ah, that was a growl. That's how growling works. To be fair, it's better than the growl I could have probably pulled.

Yes, Wade, you got the point for the line. Well done. All right, Wade, your sound is coming up next. Open your ears.

Bob Muyskens
You know this one, Wayne? I know this one. What the fuck? Yeah, dude, I've got one. Toilet just keeps clogging and the plunger doesn't quite form the seals when you're trying to clean it out.

Wade Barnes
It just keeps making that noise. I'm gonna say a bore. You know, that's a pretty good guess. But it's not correct. That's a.

Bob Muyskens
That's a hippopotamus. It's not. And if I heard this sound blind, I would think that too, cuz I'm like, what the hell else could that be? Yeah, cuz I'm an idiot. Fuck my guess, it's not a bore.

Everyone knows what bores sound like. I said your guess was a good guess. Wait, no. Did you just not hear that? I said that's a good guess.

Wade Barnes
I did. But then you're like, Bob, his guess was good. Your. Your guess is what everyone would think. Even the animal.

Those that it should be a hippo. God, Bob, I love you. You want another chance? Wait, I'll give you guess. Boar.

Oh, you know what? Pig. No. Oh.

Mark Fischbach
No, that's not what it is. Now. Unless. Unless Lixien's playing a prank on me. That's apparently a koala.

Bob Muyskens
What? No, you're right. Never would have got there. I just searched on YouTube for Lixie and markiplier prank. He's live right now.

Wade Barnes
And that's not a koala. Yeah, no. All right, but it is a koala, unfortunately. Now, who amongst you, any of the three of you, who can do a better impression? Huh?

Is there a third person? I thought. I thought I saw another. I thought I saw another person in here. Where?

Mark Fischbach
Oh, they're gone. Anyway, of you, however many there are. Who can do a better quality? I feel like this one's definitely gonna hurt. Yeah, I know.

All right, wait. You go first. Great.

Bob Muyskens
You were right, Bob. It did hurt. It hurts, man. It hurt. I should've just gone.

Mark Fischbach
All right, Bob, would you like to give it a stab? Oh, sure. That looks really fun. Cause, like.

Wade Barnes
That'S, like, the dude who chases around the doctor. Frankenstein. Igor. Just to show, like, I don't just want to torture you guys. I'm gonna try to do them.

Mark Fischbach
It was like.

It, like, did an inner thing.

Bob Muyskens
That part of my throat doesn't exist. Yeah, I'm gonna give. Give the point to me, because I did a better impression on both of you. You just did gorilla, dude. You did shitty gorilla.

Mark Fischbach
Well, it's better than your coughing human. I don't think so. I tried to access the actual part of your vocabulary box. That would do it. You're just like.

Wade Barnes
Is that your me impression? All right, I'll give you a mark impression point. You did the good. Yeah, that's pretty good, Bob. Let me get you an easy one.

Bob Muyskens
Yeah, give me dog or something. All right. It may. It may be difficult. It may be difficult.

Mark Fischbach
All right, hold on.

Wade Barnes
Is the whole thing one animal? Yeah. No, that's goats. That's what goats sound like. I got that one.

Mark Fischbach
Holy shit. I have to do an impression now? Is that right? You could also abstain if you don't want to. No, no.

It's a voice or anything. Okay. All right.

That was very good. That's gonna be hard to beat. Oh, God. I don't know if I can make this noise, but I'll try.

That was a good attempt. I think Wade gets it for the horrified scream and the discrepancy between the two. It truly is. I can't even do it. He did great.

All right, Wade, you want a hard one? Oh, boy, do I. No, you might be. You might be able to get this. Yeah.

Wade Barnes
Yeah, I'm. One more time for posterity. Being an ancient human must have been terrifying if you were surrounded by these kinds of noises all the time. How scary are humans if you're hunting things that sound like this?

Um, deer noises. No, that's not gonna get me anymore. You got your. You're out of gollum points. And honestly, you're on thin ice.

Oh, no. And you. You keep giving me attitude. I'm gonna give you. I'm gonna give you a hard one, Bob.

Mark Fischbach
My beloved, my sweet summertime.

All right. What? Do you have any idea what that is, bub? I'm gonna stick with it. I think that's a hippopotamus.

No, but again, excellent guess. Incredible guess. Thanks. Fantastic guess. Beautiful.

No, it's a sea lion. Dude, I forgot how many sea lions we have in Ohio. Well, if you ever went anywhere, you might go somewhere that has sea lions.

It's pretty good. It's pretty good, Bob. I honestly need to sit this one out or I feel like I'm gonna throw up. All right. Why are you gonna throw up?

Bob Muyskens
I don't know. Whatever I've been doing, I'm in. It's not feeling good. Let's take a breather, then let's kick back, relax. What about an intermission?

Mark Fischbach
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Bob Muyskens
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Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. Mobiled for details. What if I get an animal that probably isn't going to be painful to imitate? Well, you should probably pick a really easy one like dog, because it's Bob's turn. Yeah, it's my turn.

No, that would hurt the voice. Even though my finger was over dog, like, my thumb was literally over dog. I'm not even lying. My thumb is hovering a millimeter above dog. Wait, how about camel?

Wade Barnes
Koala sea lion. Bob, do you know what sound a cow makes? We all have different strengths. Okay, well, I don't even know what this says cuz the file names too long. So whoever's going first, this is the sound.

Bob Muyskens
Is it me first? Yeah, that's you, Bob. I'm gonna go with sheep. That's correct. I didn't even.

Mark Fischbach
I couldn't read the name. The name was too long. It just said sh. I didn't know what it was. Wait.

I didn't know what it was. There you go. My impression. Dude, I don't care who you give the point. It's gonna be the fucking next animal.

Ah, fine. Would. No one's gonna do an impression on that. No one's gonna do an impression. It's fine.

Look, Wade, it's fair. I know it doesn't seem this way. Does it feel fair or look fair or seem fair? I'm just gonna go ahead and throw it out there. North korean jumping spider.

Wade Barnes
That's gotta be what the noise is. I bet it's fantastic. But I got you. I got you. What noise does that make?

Mark Fischbach
Just like a doing, but in Korean. Of course. How do you say doing in Korean, Mark? Doing. I'll just leave that one to you.

Bob Muyskens
Oh, come on, Wade. Come on, buddy. Get there. A pig. Yeah.

I was really hoping you'd be like, what kind of pig? The pre slaughtered kind. Well, yes, but I'm sad now. Can you imitate it with that sick beat?

I don't know. How do you make that sound? I'm like a pig with a sinus infection. All right. That was a good attempt.

Mark Fischbach
Wade. Up. What's up, man? Was that your impression or you just having a time? Both.

Wade Barnes
Link. I think you get it, Wade. I think. Wade, you got it. You got both the pig and the impression.

Mark Fischbach
Congratulations, Wade. Thanks, man. I appreciate the pity noise after. Okay, well, I can't win with you. Do you want it fair?

Do you want it easy? What do you want? Huh? I'm in a tube. Give him something more interesting than fucking sheep or cow.

What do you want? What do you want from. You gave me sea lion, dude. See what you prefaced it with? Oh, wait, you probably know this one.

Well, he didn't get it either, cuz. No one knows the fuck a sea lion sounds like, Mario. Okay, we got this, though. We got this. Okay.

I'm gonna give Bob one. It's gonna be really tough.

I don't know if anyone can guess what that is. Do you know what that is, Wade? It's a swinging gate, Bob. You figure? Obviously, it's a swinging gate that needs some WD 40.

That's so close. We're guessing animals. That's a. That's a donkey. Yeah.

Wade Barnes
What? That's crazy. I am literally sorting up by random, and I'm just picking. Okay, I gotta do the impression. No, you know, you don't even get the impression.

Bob Muyskens
You don't even get the impression. I'm not even gonna let you do it. All right, I'll do the impression. Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier.

Wade Barnes
Sorry, I was being an ass. Ha ha. Got you, dude.

Mark Fischbach
Give me an ass point. Give me an ass point. All right, fine, fine. If I can't make a fair game to save my life, then I'm just gonna end it. I'm gonna end it right here early, before we even get to the good stuff.

Wade Barnes
I want a beatbox to that fucking pig noise, man. I'm gonna listen to that. Can you send me that sound fun? You'll never have a chance again because I'm deleting this episode. Clearly, I was off to a wrong start by saying this was the right choice of an episode.

Mark Fischbach
It was a wrong choice. And after I tabulate the points, this episode is gonna be gone. I probably not. So, Bob, you got a point for cerevoyance the anim. Oh, no, you didn't get the animal segue.

I have to take that away. I don't. I don't want to correct you on giving me points, but I believe I said Sara annoyance because clairvoyant, they're not their in laws. Or do you want the point or not? Do you?

Do you want the point? Whatever you wrote down is correct, Mark. Good choice. All right, well, I already took away the animal Segway point. You know, I don't think you want me to take away too many more.

Wade Barnes
Give it back to him. The animal Segway point. Oh, yeah. All right, fine. Sure, you get it.

Mark Fischbach
And then I got. Oh, whoa. Point for that. Got bee cow. Can you clarify oh, whoa, please?

Oh, whoa. Thank you. Thank you. That's cleared up for a second. My handwriting's so bad.

I thought this said Hitler laugh. It says Tyler laugh. I'm sure he'll love that you conflated him with Hitler. No, I mistook my writing for that. No one could possibly associate those two.

And anyway, camel. Good. Lion, goat and sheep. Wait, you got a silly point because you were a silly little scoundrel this episode. You were such a scamp.

You got a point for they know better. They don't make it that far. All the kids and the alligators. Yeah. Oh, yeah, that's right.

You were the bee, you were the cow. You got the skeet beetle, lion. Me. You got both the me point and the ass point, which was also me. You were a goat, you were a sea lion.

You didn't guess a goddamn thing except pig. I mean, I guessed a lot of things. They were just wrong. Now, see how, you know, I feel like you weren't only getting hard ones, but how. How even I.

Looking back, this seems unfair that you wouldn't have guessed anything. Was it unfair? Was it actually unfair? I think it was fine. I don't see any problems.

Bob Muyskens
I think we just complaining, you know. I'm just gonna take my lump. We got through the game. I said what I had to say. At this point, I just want to hear the scores.

Mark Fischbach
And, Bob, you, you were left with ten points. Wade, you were left with eleven points because you were that good at impressions. And you made me laugh with the ass point, which could have gone the other way. I could have subtracted it, but you clinched it with making me laugh. So today's winner, the champion of animals, the king of the jungle, the something else.

Wade Barnes
Bald Tarzan. The what? The bald Tarzan. No, I like that. That's good.

Mark Fischbach
Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. Wait, you win. Whoo. That makes me feel like saying it was unfair against Wade.

Bob Muyskens
Somehow just rings less true given the outcome. Also given that you literally, at the end, told Mark to give me a bonus point that I didn't even earn. Well, you did, but then, like, he took a. We kept talking. Yeah, but like, you, you had Mark give me more points on your own behalf, and it still wasn't enough.

Wade Barnes
I just didn't want any, like, if you were gonna win, if I was gonna win, I just wanted all the points on the field. You know, all the points were on the field. And I congratulate you for that. I felt like you were beating me the whole time. I think I felt like you were winning.

But maybe the difference was I did a lot of the impression points and we just didn't guess a few of the animals. Yeah, it's true. Yeah, sometimes animals were not good. Does every animal that we got right, other than pig, you got right. But I guess we didn't guess koala and we didn't guess.

Bob Muyskens
I didn't get sea lion. Yes, sea lion, koala. Yeah, Bob, you got the bees, cow, lion, goat and sheep. So a lot of farm animals. You know your farm.

Why do you have a toddler farm animal practice. The lion goes.

Wade Barnes
The ones I got to guess first were not farm animals. Typically, they were sea lion koala. You really hung up on that sea lion. Like, I feel like that's not too crazy. Okay, what about this?

Mark Fischbach
What about this, Wade?

Bob Muyskens
That's Wade when he steps on a lego. I was gonna say my mom whenever I told her I would do my chores in a minute. Now that that's in my head, you know what that did kind of sound like? Sounds like a low quality recording of a thwomp in the wild.

Wade Barnes
It's like if the. The witch from Banjo Kazooie was doing a thwomp impression. That's pretty good. Pretty good. I will not tell you what this is.

Mark Fischbach
I'll leave it up for the subreddit to figure out what this is. I agree. I'm glad we all agreed on not to. For answer your question there so that you guys can play along. For those not watching, I gestured with my hand at you and looked at.

Bob Muyskens
You, but not at you, because you're not watching. Interesting. Remember, I said that was sea. That was a two. That was sea lion two.

Mark Fischbach
Here's sea line one. Maybe this would have been easier.

Bob Muyskens
Big maybe. But the joker, once he, like, was getting over COVID, locked in a room with echoes.

Mark Fischbach
All right. Sure. All right, well, congratulations, guys. Thank you for playing my fun, fun game and for making this truly the episode of choice. I think I'm gonna win the podcast Listeners choice awards for best host ever and most handsomely.

And I can't wait to get slimed. Thank you. Would you like a winner speech? I was wondering if we were gonna get a platform to say anything or. You know what, Mark?

Wade Barnes
Very fair episode. I appreciate that. Knowing that I was a master impressionist, I feel like Bob was given a disadvantage, which is why you gave him things such as dog, cat. None of those came up. Anyway, ultimately, you know, regardless of fairness, it was fun.

It was a fun idea. It was fun to execute. And my thoughts will be paying for it for the next two or three days. But, you know, that's my own choice to try to go all out with, so thank you. Killing it.

Mark Fischbach
I appreciate you bringing your a game every. Every week that we're here. Well, every twice a week. Every bi week that we're here, this. Podcast is bi weekly.

Bob Muyskens
Maybe. I don't know what that means. For sure. Semi weekly. Bi.

Mark Fischbach
Bi weekly. It's di weekly. Ah, frick. Every week, our podcast goes both ways. I almost said, wade, you're losers speech.

Just out of habit.

Bob Muyskens
Everything felt really fair, right up to the point where I lost somehow. And then I realized retroactively that none of it was fair at all. You know, I just would love to see the subreddit come to my defense for how unfairly I am treated on this show. And, you know, so go get them, kids. That's fair.

Mark Fischbach
That's very fair that it's unfair. Very fair of you to say that. And very fair for all of you to have stuck around listening all this time. Suck it, watchers. You didn't get anything this round.

Ha ha. We love the listeners. We love the listeners. I'm trying to offset, like, the apparent favoritism that we have for, like, viewers, although you're doing. We love the company.

We love the listeners. The listeners. The listeners keep us alive. But the watchers are still our favorite. Anyway.

No, I really made this whole episode as, like, I want to throw a bone to pure listening so that no one has to try to even look at their phone. God, but the visual gags were so funny. Yeah, go back and watch it again. For those that just listen, really pump up those numbers. We got to get those numbers up.

Where are we in the rankings? Not. Not as high as we used to be. Top 50 down. Bottom 50.

It's because we haven't been playing any games together, probably. And we haven't done any video game tier list episode in a while. Hmm. That's good. Well, you have to wait for the next episode for when Wade does both of those ideas.

Thank you so much for listening and watching. Have a good day. Be sure to follow the podcast for more episodes. We do do two a week if you didn't know that. And also, we have merch if you go to distractible store.

Wade Barnes
Yeah, not so easy, is it? See, it's not so easy to remember. I can take away your win, can I? I can't. I don't think I can at this point.

Mark Fischbach
No. We did the company retreat by law. What if I pissed myself? I'm in a tub. I could do that.

Bob Muyskens
That is, like, the best place you could ever piss yourself on purpose. Imagine the hope host pissing themselves to take the win back. The host again. That's a power move, dude. I wanted Bob to win.

Mark Fischbach
Have a good day. Be sure to listen to this five more times, because it's the best choice you'll ever make today. Podcast out.

Animal Noises

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1: Introduction

2: The Game Begins

3: Highlights and Challenges

4: Concluding Games

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