Synced: Up There

Monica Padman
Hi.

Lizzy Plapinger
Are you in your airplane mod? Yeah, just got off the plane. So impressed. I like your lipstick. Lip gloss ready?

Hello. Lip on it makes a big dip. That's what they do say. Okay, I was going to suggest that we do something special in this episode, but I didn't suggest it in time, so we can't. What is it?

Monica Padman
But next time, I think we should do a roundup of our newest favorite things, like our recommendations. Basically a gift guide mid year. Like a mid year vocalized gift guide. That's a good idea. It's funny.

Lizzy Plapinger
Cause I was putting on some makeup before I was coming, and I was like, oh, I really should talk about this bronzer. I've never brought it up. It's one of my favorite things. It's great. Well, do you think we could do it off the fly or.

Monica Padman
No. Do you think we need to prep? I think we should prep because they're also gonna be forgetting stuff. Yeah. I think it should be a well balanced guide.

Right? I love that. Yeah. Okay, so next week, we're gonna do a roundup of some of our favorite things. A mid year, a Christmas in may gift guide.

Lizzy Plapinger
I love it. Something came up the other day I saw in my house, and I thought, I should put this on my gift guide in December. But by then I'll have new things. It'll be too late. Yeah.

And it's fun to do a gift guide in the spring, spring, summertime. How was your trip? It was good. I just got off the plane. Well, I dropped that.

Monica Padman
I dropped off my bag at home and I made a tea. Cause technically, according to this time, I've been up since 230. Oh, God. I know. You must be so exhausted.

So good. I'll crash in a bit. I'm sure. But for now, fine. And I went home for Mother's Day, which was very lovely.

Lizzy Plapinger
You hung up with Alison Roman? Oh, yes, I did. Allison Roman, my chef, my dream, my girl, my girlie. She has a podcast, and she is touring it around a bit, so she sent me an email asking if I would perhaps participate in any of the shows. But now we're in LA, and it just so happened that her show in Atlanta was over Mother's Day.

Monica Padman
And so it was the right move. Killed two birds with 1 st. There we go. A phrase we said wrong, we often use and say, I say it wrong. I think you have got it right.

Well, I don't know. But anyway, so, yes, it was so fun. The show in Atlanta was so fun. I was proud of my people. There was a ten year old boy in the audience.

That was so cute. And he. Cause the way her show works is people submit questions as they walk in if they want. And then Allison goes through them really quickly before she goes on stage and picks a few for people to come, like, repeat their question in front of the audience and then discuss it. And then there's some just rapid fire ones.

But the one from the ten year old said, I was listening to last week's episode, and I love him. Oh, we have ten year old listeners. We don't. She does. I thought of synced.

Lizzy Plapinger
I was like, we need to know. No, no, no. Okay. This is her podcast. I mean, if you're ten and you're listening, let us know.

Shout out. I don't think Jonah should listen to this one. Okay. It's a little inappropriate for him. Is it?

Yeah, it's not that inappropriate. I mean, they're more inappropriate podcasts. Well, sure, but that doesn't mean we're not inappropriate for a ten year old. Oh, sure. If I had a ten year old, I probably would not encourage them to listen to this.

But if they listen to sync, I would be concerned that they like it. Wouldn't that be kind of like, okay, there's something we should talk about. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Monica Padman
Got it. That's what I'm saying. I think it's not appropriate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. For ten year olds.

Anyway, it was really, really cute, and he was asking this cooking question, and it was really sweet. Yeah. How are you? How was your weekend? How was your mother's day?

Lizzy Plapinger
It was great. What'd you do? I facetime for, you know, 5 hours. Cause I'm not in the same country. But it was nice.

I sent everyone cupcakes. It was my dad's birthday also on Mother's day. Ooh, fighting. Yeah. So it's always a big weekend.

And I was supposed to have a date with LinkedIn guy. Oh. He had to reschedule. Oh. Cause he stole my move, I guess.

No, he had to help his mom move, which felt important. Oh, that's sweet. So we have a date this week. Great. Yeah.

Monica Padman
You guys kind of. Fuck. I knew that would happen. Oh, my God, I'm so happy it didn't happen on your pants. You had a premonition.

I did. I knew it. She was nervous. It wasn't so much a premonition as it was just very hard to open that. The way you just spilled it sounded like you said, are you guys gonna.

And then you said, fuck are you guys gonna fuck? Well, are you? I'm hearing you. What are you guys gonna do? We were supposed to go to all time.

Very sexy spot. Right? Because of the movie. No, I don't think. I don't think any.

Lizzy Plapinger
Are men watching at all? He recommended all time. No, he said, I'll come to you. I think after the Wes Adams, you know, situation, the 50 minutes drive. Yeah.

He was like, I'll come to you. And I was like, well, then we have to go to all time. But then it turned into, like, kind of now, like an intimate. He was like, oh, we could go for a hike or sauna. Because I got sauna.

Oh, and now we're, like, gonna hike in sauna. Which feels like very. Cause it was part of our original conversation was the saunas. So that's a nice callback. I really like when on a second date, it's a callback to the first date.

Oh, yeah. That happened to me in December. The second date was a callback to the first date, and I really liked that. What was the callback? On the first date, we talked about baked potatoes, of course, which I had over the weekend, actually.

So proud of you. And the second day, we went to Houston's for baked potatoes. Oh, I like that. Yeah. I like when there's a text after the date that references something you've talked about that you were gonna do in his text.

He was like, have fun with the sauna. Cause I told him I was setting it up for the listeners. You bought a sauna? I bought a sauna, but not the kind that is a zip up sleeping bag. Yeah, it's a tent or something.

It's like, between a real sauna and one of those tent ones. Cause I was subscribing to this sauna place, and it was like a membership fee. I was like, at this point, I should just buy a sauna. So I invested in a sauna. It's outdoors.

It's outdoors. And before that, I had a weird tent. One which I gave to my taskrabbit that my grandfather in dad. And doesn't speak English. Doesn't speak English.

Monica Padman
Oh, my God, Liz. I hope he doesn't mistake how long to be in that sauna and shrivel into a peanut. That's a good worry. Worry. But not to invalidate you, but when he saw our little tent sauna, he showed us all these photos to my roommate.

Lizzy Plapinger
I was on a call, or maybe here, but he was, like, showing his phone that he'd been in a Russian. Cause he's laughing. Latvian or from Lithuania. I can't remember but one of the two. And so he showed the photos and of being so excited, because in Latvia.

Monica Padman
Or Lithuania, it's a big history of saunas. We might need to google that, but maybe I feel like there is. Anyway, he's really into it. And so then when he was assembling the sauna, my roommate was like, should we give him the sauna? And I was like, right.

Lizzy Plapinger
Like, he loved it. And so then we gave it to him. He's so nice. I. I have so many feelings.

I've never had this many feelings for someone I can't communicate with. It's really interesting. Yeah. Have you ever had that? Well, with the little boy in India, it was a little girl who said, dags.

Monica Padman
Oh, yeah. I mean, I wouldn't say that wasn't so much strong feelings as. That's crazy that she just said that, and then she's me somehow. But I have had run ins with people where they have an impact that is outsized to our interaction. That's right.

I don't know what that is. Maybe it is an indication that we've met them before. I mean, I like that idea. Do you realize that you've left an impact on people that you don't even realize that you, like, you're that person, positive and negative? Probably, yeah.

We've talked about this, how when we've had negative interactions, they can be debilitating, and it can veer the course of your entire life off track. And yet, if we're gonna be buddhist about it, we should really let all that go, because we're doing that. We have no idea. I mean, is there anyone you know in your life that, you know, you have had a negative? Like, they sit with negative feelings towards you.

You're their villain. So, really? Someone. Sure. Definitely.

Lizzy Plapinger
Sometimes I think someone I went on maybe three dates with, but there were a lot of run ins, and I. Was like, no, Liz, that's not fair to you. No. Cause I know this story, and you didn't do anything wrong. If that person thinks you're the villain, that is their issue.

Monica Padman
You went on multiple dates with this person, and then ultimately, it wasn't a good fit. That's normal and fine, but do you. Ever go through a thing and someone, you're like, oh, this person, and they ruin your life for a minute, and then you find yourself in a situation many years later or a while later, and you'll be like, oh, my God. I just did the thing that this person had done to me that you become sort of like you. I felt that a little bit with him.

Lizzy Plapinger
Where? But you're right. First I said, this isn't happening. I think I made something up. That's a problem.

Well, there we go. Yeah. Sometimes I don't want to hurt the person, and so I'll be a little bit avoidant around it. Not direct. And when someone does that to me, it's so heartbreaking, yet so painful.

And I'm like, why wouldn't they just say it? And I'm like, because I've been in that situation, and I don't say it. So it gives you compassion for the person that's ruining your life. But I hate that feeling when I'm like, oh, I. Well, but then you're reflecting on it.

Monica Padman
I think it's healthy to think, fuck, no one's doing anything. That the person who's quote, ruining your life, you have decided that they've ruined your life. They are just sort of moving through the world as they do, and you're giving them a lot of power. Ding, ding, ding. Okay, so this past Monday's armchair is Camila Cabello.

Yay. Who is your friend. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm not sure if you've listened yet, but you do come up.

Lizzy Plapinger
Oh, sweet. Well, you come up multiple times because obviously we mentioned that you're friends, and then I do bring you up, and I wonder if you're gonna be upset or I wonder if you're upset. Oh, God. What did you do? I don't think it was bad, but I asked her.

Monica Padman
It was pertinent to the conversation, what she was saying. I asked her if she gives a lot of power to men. And then we sort of, like, talked about that a little bit, and she was like, well, what do you mean exactly? Can you elaborate? And I said, yes, I think she won't mind because we talk about it already.

I've said it many times on this show, I think. So I said, you know, I say this to Liz all the time because she's so great and wonderful and has so much to offer. But despite that, I think she hands over a lot of power to men anyway. So I said that and I didn't check with you. Cause it just came out.

Lizzy Plapinger
What did she say back? She says she thinks she does do that. Okay. A bit. I mean, I think it would have been weird if you were both like, isn't it annoying when women give a lot of power to men?

Like, you didn't say it that way. And again, I think it's a relatable. I think a lot of women do. Exactly. Yeah, a lot of men do.

Monica Padman
Give power to men. Yeah, other men, we all give power to men. Power to people. Yeah, but it definitely isn't like, that's annoying. It's when you're on the outside of something, you can see it, and when you're on the inside, you can't.

Lizzy Plapinger
No, you're right. It's still something I'm working on. I think I give a lot of power to other people, period. I give a lot of power to people that I'm in relationships with. Whether it's romantic, I think is like all of our relationships, the most high quality, the most.

Exactly. But I think overall, do you ever feel like your therapist is kind of over it a little bit with your bullshit like that? She's saying the same thing over and over again. Well, that's interesting, because I have a friend who just started going to couples therapy, and she loves her personal therapist a ton. And then she went to couples therapy, and they really, really loved their couples therapist a lot.

Monica Padman
And she did one session solo with the couples therapist. And after she said, I think I need to get a new personal therapist. This is teaching me that I think we've hit our limit, because at some point, you know, we've talked about this OT's original therapist, they can know you so well that it can almost be a hindrance, and they also can get protective of you in a way that they kind of shouldn't. Interesting. They are also in a relationship with you, and over time, if that's, like, a really, really long time that you've been with that therapist, they can't help but develop some sort of feeling about you.

And when they hear stories that are coming from you, which, of course, are gonna be, like, very one sided. Totally. All of the things we tell our therapist, unless you're on couples therapy, are one sided. I think they can get clouded, of course. But isn't that the point of therapy, that obviously they're there.

Lizzy Plapinger
They have all these skills and know all these things about attachment theory and relationships and conflict resolution, all that stuff. But the point of therapy is also to mirror the relationship of the loving parent of this unconditional kind of love. Yes. And psychoanalysis. Yes.

Okay. From what I've heard, fill the blank. You know, unconditional parent or the unconditional love that you're supposed to have for yourself, actually, that a lot of people come into therapy. I certainly came into therapy hating myself. And so the goal of the therapist is to actually be completely accepting of you and completely unconditional in their support of you.

And that's kind of. Again, sometimes it can feel like, well, you're always taking my side, but that's. Kind of the point, not for me and not in mine, that you don't. Want to take your side. It's not sides.

Monica Padman
If I'm like, this happened. I've never heard her say, you're right about anything. It's all about how to arrange my thinking so that I minimize the negative effects of whatever's happening in my life. But it's not like I hear your story and I side with you, or I'm providing unconditional love. I mean, it is definitely, like, it's compassionate, it's support.

She's not there to validate my feelings. She doesn't validate your feelings. That's not the therapist for me. But she's doing it. Maybe not by saying I validate your feelings, but she is validating your feelings by accepting the reality.

You're right. Validating is maybe not the word. She's validating my feelings as in understanding that they're real feelings, but she's not co signing on my feelings. She's not like, what you feel is right, and that is how you should feel, and like, you're the best. I don't think that's what I'm saying either.

Lizzy Plapinger
For me, and maybe, again, this is my situation, but I would invalidate my own experience a lot and would end up again in relationships where. So I think I would come to her and she would be validating because I was kind of invalidating my own stuff. But maybe that's just me. Every therapist is also so different. Right?

And you have different needs. I mean, again, if you have a good therapist, they sort of see what you need. Did you see the new. Okay, there's like a chat, GPT update, big conference, sort of like, you know, with the ipod, iPad once. They would happen once a year, and here's a new product, and, like, all the new evolution of it.

And I was watching it on my way here. It's like Dan on crack. What is it? I mean, the thing I saw, I couldn't watch the whole thing, but it was this guy, one of the people from Chadgpt, he's on stage and he's like, hey, I'm doing a live conference right now. And I'm feeling really nervous.

And she goes, oh, wow, you're on a live conference right now. That's cool. And he's like, can you help me relax. Or, like, what should I do? I feel nervous.

And then she's, like, coaching him through, like, this breathing. Hand job, hand job. We're one step away from you. Oh, it's. Oh, I saw it.

Monica Padman
You saw it? Oh, not the hand job. Okay. Sorry. I thought you.

Lizzy Plapinger
I mean, it's gonna happen in, like, two and a half weeks. That's what I'm saying. We are so close from, like, actual her. The movie her. Yes.

And I was at a dinner party, and someone told me that there's a restaurant in Pasadena. That's an AI restaurant that just opened. No. Where the robots make the food. They seat you, and then, like, they bring you the food.

There's no humans. There's only humans that come and, like, check on you. But since they're not cooking or seating you, they're, like, relaxed, and they're just there to have it, like, make sure you have a good time. Liz, what are you talking about? Wait, what do you mean they make the food?

Robots are making the food. They do it. Robots. Okay, it's happened. I heard.

From. Where did you hear this? Very good source. That's a hairdresser. Oh, my God.

Monica Padman
I'm seeing a CB's news article about it, too. But what are the robots are making? The food. What kind of robot? We don't have advanced enough robots to make food, I think.

Lizzy Plapinger
We do not. No, we don't. That's a whole thing of food. I mean, it's kind of burgers. Yeah, like McDonald's.

Don't they kind of have robots doing stuff back there? No. What? That's, like, the whole thing is AI. Machine learning is extremely advanced, but robot technology currently is not very advanced.

Monica Padman
There's some basic robot. Like, the roomba is, like, where we're at in a physical robot form. Or those army ones. Hold on. Let me look this up.

Lizzy Plapinger
Okay. It's Cali Express by Flippy is the name of the restaurant. What is it? So weird. Wagyu burgers and fries.

Monica Padman
We should go by Flippy. Well, we should definitely go see what this is all about. About burger. Burgers. For the price of traditional burgers, robot made burgers and fries, the grill robot grinds the high quality beef in real time after the order is placed, resulting in a burger patty that melts in the mouth.

Flippy, the famous robotic fry station, cooks up crispy hot fries made from top grade potatoes. But who cuts the potatoes? Like, is the prep happening by humans? And then they're throwing it on the machine, and then the machine is that that makes more sense to me. They're not cutting potatoes yet.

Lizzy Plapinger
I mean, aren't there machines? Like, I mean, maybe the potatoes you. Can, but someone has to then put the potato on the machine for then it to slice and then take the slices and move. You know, you need, like, a babysitter for the robot. Exactly.

Monica Padman
You need, like, some human involved to operate the machinery would be my. Well, yeah, I guess we should go and see. So weird. This is bad. People need jobs.

Lizzy Plapinger
Yes. I think it's over, though. What's over? Jobs. Jobs.

I'm just embracing the chaos. Like, a few weeks ago, I was like, oh, this is like, it's 1968, but with robots. Like, we're just in it. And actually trying to resist the chaos makes it harder for me. So now I've just been embracing it.

And so let's go eat french fries made by robots. See what it's all about. See what it's all about. I mean, I prefer that they're doing that than, like, writing movie scripts. Manual labor.

Right. That's the whole thing. Tricky. Cause that removes a sector of jobs of people who really don't have much money and don't have a lot of college educations. Those people need jobs.

They should be running the AI. That's probably only gonna need one person. I don't know. This is obviously why it's all so complicated. Okay, well, we'll go there, but I.

Think they're gonna turn to therapists. When I was watching that thing. Cause remember how Dan was bad at the restaurant stuff? He lied. He lied.

And gaslit usually. But when I was one on one with him, he was pretty supportive and helpful with mental health stuff. I know, but it's so basic. Everything he was saying was basic. But isn't that kind of the whole thing?

Not that this can solve every mental health issue, but so much of what makes life hard is you're just not maybe talking to someone about something, right? Like, just talking about it and then having someone validate your feelings can be enough sometimes. And AI, because you've been to a friend, you've done this, right, where you'll be like, okay, I should talk to someone about this. And then you get out of your house, you go meet a friend, and then they make it worse. Sure.

Monica Padman
Yeah. And you're like, this is why I should just keep everything to myself. Like, the AI could make it worse. Sure, but they're trained to kind of know well. They're reading literature that other therapists have put on the Internet and, like, psychology articles and stuff like, they're pulling from those resources.

I guess in a pinch, it's good, but I don't think it's replacing human therapists because our problems are so nuanced. What I go to my therapist for, if I talk to her about an issue I'm having, like, in one situation versus another situation with different people, and she knows the players, and she knows the types of relationships, and she knows the pitfalls of each relationship and the patterns changes. Right. It's not just, well, this is how you should be in the world, which is sort of how Dan is. He's just giving, like, generic good advice on how to be, but it's not taking into account that humans are confusing.

Lizzy Plapinger
Yes. One thing that might be good for you to do for me, that's not great. That's not gonna work for you. I mean, I don't want robots to take over. I'm just.

Monica Padman
You love robots. I don't. I just. I'm trying to cope. Just get overwhelmed and be like, oh, my God, the world is ending, and I need to be like, I'm trying to just go with the flow.

That's good.

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Lizzy Plapinger
Yes. And sometimes we have to dog sit and cat sit. We do. It's very stressful. It is.

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Monica Padman
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You love Zocdoc. I love Zocdoc. You use it all the time. All the time. I use it when I move, you know, from New York and I needed to find a new doctor.

Lizzy Plapinger
I love that you can make appointments without calling or talking to anybody. I love that you can see reviews and see how, you know, patients have felt when they've been treated with this person. Healthcare is so personalized. Everyone has different things that they need from a provider. And I just love going into a new doctor, knowing that people have been very happy with them and sort of being able to see the reviews.

Monica Padman
And if you don't know, Zocdoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. So easy. The doctor office experience and figuring it all out is a pain. We all know this and Zocdoc has really figured out a way to make it streamlined and easy. So we are very grateful to them for that.

We use this, and you should, too. Go to zocdoc.com synced and download the Zocdoc app for free. Then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's zocdoc.com synced. Zocdoc.com synced.

Oh, my God. I just learned something. What? When I was home, my mom learned to swim in college, so her trauma is obviously passed down. Wow.

Lizzy Plapinger
So it's intergenerational. When did her mom learn? Probably never. No, no, no. Her mom learned in India.

Monica Padman
Like, she would swim in. I know there was, like, stories. They have a river or something and they would all swim in it, but they didn't put their kids, my mom and her sisters, in swimming lessons or anything. But apparently in college, you had to pass a swim test in college? Wow.

Lizzy Plapinger
Oh, my God. Isn't that kind of crazy? I did that. It might have been elective, but I swam. You took, like, a class.

Swimming class. What is it called? Oh, my God. I'm scuba diving in college. I know.

Or sage app, which is like our pre college. Oh, wow. I know. Very weird. Would you go straight to scuba diving?

Monica Padman
No, I'm never scuba diving. You're never scuba diving? No. I've heard some stories that I wouldn't. I'm.

Yeah, I'm never doing it. Accidents. Yeah. Yeah, that's not great. Don't die.

It's really upsetting. Anyway, also, we've had a lot of armchair anonymous stories that have to do with, like, scuba. And they're all bad. Okay? So anywho, what I think people could hear is I'm just afraid.

Right? I'm just like, I'm afraid, so it's stopping me. But I also don't want to. There's absolutely nothing about it that draws me in. And then I'm scared, so I stop myself.

Like, there are things in my life for sure where that's the case where I'm, like, kind of interested, but it's too scary. This is not. I just don't want to at all. That's how I feel about driving. It scares me, and I don't wanna.

Lizzy Plapinger
And so don't do it. I mean, I think we should learn the basics in case there's an accident. Do you think there's gonna be a scuba related, like, emergency? Maybe. Maybe there's a situation, you know, a scuba.

Yeah. Like, look, you never know. It's a crazy time to be alive. We can't rule things out. Speaking of.

Okay, I want to bring up the airplane. The overhead now. Oh, my God. Okay. Okay.

Monica Padman
Go ahead. Cause you just flew. Yes. And you texted me. I texted you about a very controversial story that's been going around the Internet about a woman that was videotaped taking a nap in the overhead compartment of an air.

Lizzy Plapinger
In the overhead? Yes. How is that even possible? Who helped her up there? Like, also, they're not even that sturdy.

Monica Padman
I mean, I guess it holds the bag. Yeah, it holds the bag. She's a little lady. I mean, she fits in there. You would fit in there.

You would fit in there. I wouldn't. What type of plane was it? Southwest. Southwest.

Lizzy Plapinger
It's always Southwest going on.

Monica Padman
Okay, so, yeah, you sent this to me. I'm gonna read verbatim the text. Okay. You sent it. It's a New York Post article, southwest passengers baffled after a woman climbs into overhead bin for a nap.

And then you wrote, we need to discuss this. And then I did. Haha ha ha ha. And then you said, I think she has every right to do this. And I said, what?

And then you said, I know. I actually would support her. And then I said, you're just trying to be a contrarian now. And then you laughed and you said, I support women. Her body, her choice.

And then my dad picked me up from the airport. I couldn't respond to this. Liz, be honest. Are you just being funny? When I saw it, I was like, oh, my God, this is so funny.

Lizzy Plapinger
But then I thought about it, and I was like, go hurt. What does it matter? I don't care. Falls on some. Okay.

Monica Padman
For one, it's a danger. It's a hazard. It's a danger. For who? For.

Lizzy Plapinger
Okay, she could fall in the aisle. I mean, no, someone's water bottle fell out onto me, and it hurt. Fell back? Fell out? Yes.

It was open. She was putting it up. Oh. And it fell, and it was open, and it fell on my hand, and it really hurt. And that was a water bottle.

Monica Padman
If a woman flies out onto you, that is disturbing and traumatic. For one, two, I wonder. This is a deeper question. And it's funny. Cause I think I know this about you, but I guess I don't.

To me, the audacity to think that you can break a rule that everyone else is abiding again. Oh, my God. It's like back to the running on the street. I'm very driven by conscientiousness and awareness of others and, like, deciding that your life is more important than everyone else's. Or your convenience is more important than everyone else's.

Prioritizing yourself in, like, a sea of other humans I can't stand. So this is that times like 4000. I think you are more as we're learning over time on this show, on this little show of ours. You don't care about that. I do.

No, you don't. You even said, what's another issue? The sidewalk. You were like, I think you should run around. That's not coming from a place of thinking people can break the rules.

Lizzy Plapinger
I would never stand on the sidewalk. It's that I don't want any inconvenience to other people. That's a weird me thing. I'd rather just go the long way than have to interact and be like, sorry. And to advocate for myself.

Okay, but I'm very on the same page as you on that. I don't think that the napping in the overhead applies. What if everyone napped in the overhead? Is that fine? I think if there's room, the overhead, look, if she's taking up the room and people can't put their bags, then, no, but if it's free and there's space and you want to take a nappy nap, go for it.

Monica Padman
But why does she get to do it? She needs to sit in the seat like everyone fucking else on southwest and sleep like everyone else is napping. You can't nap. And this is a beef that I have with the airline industry in general, that they have metal seats, they shouldn't have metal seats. I fly a lot and I fly not in the front of the plane.

Lizzy Plapinger
It's a very uncomfortable experience. And I think that that's like a fuck you to the system of southwest. To be fair. I don't think has front of the plane. Oh, they don't.

Monica Padman
It's all the same. Equal. Yes, it's all equal. And what you do get by paying more is you can enter the plane first to pick your seat. But that's it.

Lizzy Plapinger
Okay. I like that. I support that. Yeah. So then everyone on that plane, no one is in a better position than anyone else.

Monica Padman
I feel like if it's a Delta flight and you're like, well, there's first class people who are sleeping, so why don't I get to sleep? She can sleep and she's older. She didn't look that. Let me look. She doesn't look that old.

Lizzy Plapinger
She doesn't. She looks like an old lady. I thought it was an old lady. I mean, it's a weird photo. Cause she's sitting in she doesn't look that old.

Oh, okay. Also, if she's old, she definitely shouldn't. Like, this is such a hazard for her. If she falls out, all her bones will break. She's, like, 45, this woman.

Monica Padman
That's not old, Liz. Okay. I thought she looked older than that. I thought she was, like, 60 or, like, 57. It is really hard to tell from this picture.

Lizzy Plapinger
I just think they should make flying more comfortable for the price that they're charging, and they really don't care. And so to me, actions like this are, like, a little bit of a. Well, we have no room. We're cramped, so there's room. So we're going to take the room that we're paying for.

She's paying for the overhead. She's paying the same amount everyone is paying, and no one else is getting to do overhead. But do other people want to do it? No, because I think most people are sane, but I don't want. Look, I guess my therapist would say this is my issue, not hers.

Monica Padman
But if I am on that plane, I will not feel comfortable at all with a person over you, over me, or even if I see it, like, I'm gonna be perturbed. Interesting that there's a person who might fall out at any time or also is unhinged. Do you think it's up to the government to, like. I mean, you're a liberal, so my guess is yes. That you agree this is, like, tangential but similar.

There are regulatory bodies for a reason, because humans can get catty, wampus, like, can get crazy. And so there's a reason there are rules and regulations to keep people in line a bit. Sure. Do you think that's important? I do.

Lizzy Plapinger
And just so it's clear, like, if someone takes off their socks on a plane, I can't. I. It's. That's your problem. That's the other.

Monica Padman
Even though that doesn't affect you, it's gross. See, I think that that is worse than sleeping. But why? Because this woman is hiding in the. I'm not seeing her.

Lizzy Plapinger
She's just having a nap. Of course you're seeing her. What are you talking about? She definitely didn't close it. You wouldn't be able to breathe, and it's open in the picture.

Okay. I thought she would be closing it while it's going so that she doesn't fall out. Okay. Now I feel differently. Cause that's how dangerous.

Monica Padman
That's the difference. Yeah. If it's closed and she's just napping, like, who cares? Do your thing. Well, who cares if someone's socks are off next to you?

That doesn't matter. The visuals are disgusting. It's not respectful. It's like Kellyanne Conway without socks. Remember that photo of her in the White House and she's sitting on the White House couch without her socks on.

I don't remember. It's often white people. Oh, my God. It's like a very entitled, I'm just gonna do this thing even though it's not taking other people into consideration. But there's literally no difference from that woman who is also not taking anyone into consideration but also technically doesn't affect anyone.

Lizzy Plapinger
I feel like it's more of a symbolic revolutionary act. I think that's why I respect it more, but I understand why people would be perturbed. I wouldn't be like, get over it. This is okay. I would just kind of be like, you go, girl.

Like, I would be kind of excited that we're disrupting. Are you happy around crazies? Do you get a little spike from it, like Dax does? Probably. I mean, I'm trying to think of, like, who the last person.

Not crazy in a way that, like, I don't want to be in close proximity with them often, but it'll be kind of interesting for me. Entertaining. You find it entertaining? Yeah. This is probably a 50 50, maybe less or more split where a lot of people would find that situation entertaining.

Right. And a lot of people would find it disturbing. Okay. You would be disturbed. Yeah.

Monica Padman
In general, I feel unsettled now and unsafe. I don't find it funny or fun. This person's not well, and I don't like the reminder that there are people who are unwell. Okay. And are up there staring down at us.

Also, because you know what else I hate about it is now it's on the nice flight attendant who is dealing with so much fucking bullshit all the time to have to deal with this. That is so fucked. Like, no. Okay. Also, though, on my way, there was a plane event, actually.

I must have been so tired, I guess. So I didn't put two and two together that you had sent me. I had received that after I had endured my own plane event. Oh, wow. There was a person.

This was the front of the plane, to be candid. So there was a person next to me, but I couldn't see him. Like, there was a barrier. And he was making some loud noises. And then sometimes he said, like, fuck, like, once or twice.

And then I was like, does this person have tourette's? Probably. And that's what I thought. So I was like, okay, this is probably what this is. And then we were starting to land and it happened again.

And the flight attendant came up and was like, sir, are you okay? And he was like, I actually couldn't hear what he said. But then she said, okay. She was nice. And she just said, watch the language.

And so then, you know, whatever. We landed, and of course, like, of course, everyone. As soon as we got up, I didn't do this. Cause I was, like, hyper aware. Don't make it, don't look.

But of course, everyone did. I saw everyone's head just, like, immediately turn. And I felt so bad. And then I thought, what an impossible situation for also the flight attendant, though, because there are kids on that flight. And so I'm sure that's why she had to say that.

Lizzy Plapinger
I mean, they should know how to deal. I feel like, watch the therapists. These are flight attendants. You learn how to deal with someone who's in a wheelchair or someone who is autistic. Right.

It means you're gonna have all kinds of people on a plane. If he has Tourette's, it's, like, not helpful to be told, like, don't. It's not. But what, like, what do you do? You don't have to do anything.

I mean, it's just. That's what's happening. It's like holding in a sneeze, telling them to not do something. And then I guess this is a tricky. If someone doesn't have a disability and is doing that, do you think they should be told to stop if someone's.

Being disruptive on purpose? 100%. And I guess that's what she was trying to figure out. But a lot of people aren't trained. But, yeah.

There was a guy at a coffee shop I would go to all the time in New York who had Tourette's. It would occur. And then at first you're like, what's going on? And you realize, oh. And it's so.

I don't know. I just feel for the person. Me too. Me too. Me.

Normally, I don't want to draw attention to myself when I walk in anywhere, let alone over something that you can't control. Yeah. People don't. Your first inclination is not necessarily that. It's that.

Cause a lot of us aren't exposed to it. Billie Eilish has Tourette's. Yeah, I know. Yeah. So it's good when people talk about it.

Monica Padman
Yeah, it is. I think it's a hard situation because I can't ask a flight attendant to know how to diagnose someone with Tourette's versus someone who's just being disruptive. Exactly. I think you could anyway, not diagnosed, but I think if you know how to recognize Tourette's, which, again, I think should just be part of all of us, should just know the difference, then you can probably just deal with it in a better way. But I wasn't there.

Lizzy Plapinger
I don't know if it was that obvious. Yeah, I don't know. Anyway, it was sad. All these things are just hard to navigate. Life is hard to navigate for everyone.

Yeah. Whether you're the person who's supposed to, quote, deal with a problem, or if you're the one in the. I mean, we all cause disturbances. Everyone hates it. Probably.

Monica Padman
Well, some people probably don't. People probably like it. I think just having worked again when I was a lifeguard or. People are so insane. Anyone who has to deal with the public.

Lizzy Plapinger
You're amazing and doing God's work. Real. But sometimes those crazy situations. Again, I'm not saying that flight attendants had a great time with her in bringing her down or whatever, but sometimes those situations also make us laugh. And then it's like, okay, this is so funny.

Now, as long as she's not being unruly, and I hope that she climbed down and was just nice and. Are we sure it's real? It's probably not. But it doesn't matter. We don't know what the situation was.

I know how long she'd been there, but there was someone up. I mean, there's a video. Yeah. It's. Life is.

Monica Padman
Yeah.

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Lizzy Plapinger
Like, last night, I was feeling a little, like, woozy, like I was, like, coming down with something. So I took a bunch of zinc, and then I felt like I couldn't sleep. So then I took some theanine. There's also meds you can take if you're having issues, but very often it's just you have a deficiency or you need a vitamin boost. And Thorn is a really trusted place to get that.

Monica Padman
I've been using, like, a bunch of their supplements, and the other day, I was just, like, googling a hormonal balance, and I didn't know Thorne has one, so I just ordered and I'm so excited. Ooh, I want to get that, too. I feel like my hormones are out of whack. But they have a really good also, I was googling a vaginal health one, and they also have a really good one. Amazing.

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Lizzy Plapinger
Yup. I now look forward to packing. It really is crazy how much more you can fit with those packing cubes. It's incredible. And then traveling is so much less stressful because you have your cute cubes.

I bought a onesie, two onesies, short one and then a long one. And every time I wear it, I get compliments. Yeah, the other day I was at a barbecue thing, and this woman came up and she was wearing the cutest sweater. I obviously asked where she got it, and she got it from. Quintessential, of course.

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Monica Padman
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Lizzy Plapinger
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Monica Padman
Okay, well, on that note, let's do some questions. Okay. Oh, that's an interesting one. Okay, let's do this one. Why can't I have a real conversation without crying?

This is from Tasha. Hi, guys. Looking forward to my Wednesday listens every week. Why is it that if I have any sort of serious conversation or the most minor confrontation, I can do so without crying? It's so beyond frustrating.

I've never been good at confrontation, and I avoid it at all costs. But when it's unavoidable, like a small fight or disagreement with a friend or talk with the boss, or just generally expressing my feelings in any form, I cannot get through it without tears. Is this just me? It makes me feel like I can't be taken seriously and that my points in a conversation aren't even valid because I'm saying them through tears, even when I don't feel the need to cry or be upset. Do either of you have any tools for this?

This is a great question. So good. I have been there. We all land on this spectrum. Like, I have friends who are 100% you and literally just cannot not cry.

And then I've also been in situations where I'm trying to be direct and professional. That's really hard when you're trying to be professional and then you can't not cry. I always leave those situations, and I do feel. I feel silly. I'm like, everything I said just got thwarted by my tears, and I'm gonna be dismissed as this woman who can't be professional or can't handle her emotions.

I don't really have. What is your advice? I relate so much, and I have cried in so many settings and professional ones where maybe I've told this story, but I had this crying event at work. I worked at a startup, a media startup. And there was this contract negotiation, and it was going back and forth, and they just came back with something that felt so hurtful to me.

Lizzy Plapinger
Like, on a. Like. And I. And it was so bad that in that moment, I was like, oh, my God, I'm gonna have to leave this job. And I got really sad and really hurt.

And so I ended up being like, can I just have a minute? And I stood, walked to the corner of the room, and then cried and, like, started breathing more slowly and, like, bringing myself. Yeah. Calming myself from it. And then I came back, and I was like, this is just a lot for me, and I'm just gonna.

If we can talk about this at another time, that would be great. And in the end, it made an impact. Like, it's not what I wanted. I felt embarrassed. I felt, oh, my God, I can't control my emotions.

But usually, like, it does move people to act when they can see. And sometimes I feel like in romantic relationships, I've become so afraid to cry with people that I'm like, I feel like I shouldn't be crying already because sometimes you haven't been seeing someone for so long, and then you're like, oh, my God, if I cry, this is so intense. It's not like we've been married for three years. It'll look like I care more about you than I do, but maybe I do, right? It can be telling.

It's so telling, basically. Yeah. Your tears are revealing what you might not want to reveal. But my tip is to take a break. Whoever you're dealing with, if you feel like you are on the verge of tears, just saying.

I just want to be clear headed when I have this conversation. So I just need a few minutes, or can we talk about this tomorrow and then go cry it out? I think an approach is to just be very open about it. Like, hey, I know this looks ridiculous, but this is just how my body reacts in confrontation. But we can continue, you know, like, just sort of address it.

Monica Padman
This is what I do. I cry a lot in confrontation. Yes. Just being very open about it. It's like the elephant in the room.

Lizzy Plapinger
Okay. So a few weeks ago, I was trying not to cry, but it was a situation where I was meeting this woman that was helping us with the movie, and she watched it, and she had these very specific notes, and she clearly just had no, it was kind of great because everyone that I've showed it to is a friend or, you know, it's like, it's great, you know? But I'm like, tell me how to make it better. And she was not sugar coating. No sugar coating at all.

Doesn't really know me, but knows a producer on the film. And I was sitting with her and my two producers, and I was like, am I gonna cry? And this wasn't a confrontation. And that's when I was like, this would be so embarrassing. Cause it's like, I can't even take.

Credit to take this conversation. And I must look like I'm a kid. So what'd you do? I basically. What did I do?

Monica Padman
We held it in like a fart. I do think it's easier to hold in cries than fart. That is shocking. I think so. Not for me.

Lizzy Plapinger
Wow. I mean, I will say the other day, and this is an Easter egg, sort of. We were doing a recording here. Not me and you. We were doing one for armchair.

Monica Padman
And you farted. No, no, no. It would have been too good. Too good to be true. No, we had a guest and something came up.

I was already so emotional walking into the room. I was just dealing with my own shit. And then the conversation started and I was like, I'm gonna cry. Like, I'm about to cry. I was like, oh, my God.

Do not cry right now. Like, this is so inappropriate to cry right now. You can't do it. So then I just started drinking a lot of water. Okay.

You can kind of distract yourself. It's true. It, like, half works. It half works. But half is already, like, you're not in the.

Lizzy Plapinger
You know, it's like, I've told you what I do. I don't do it for. But I might try it for crying. When am I at the dentist? Or, like, something's really painful and I have to, like, sit through it.

I think about the notebook scene where they're dancing in the street. Oh, you disassociate. I disassociate.

Monica Padman
Which is hard to do when you have to speak. Like, that's the problem. That's why in this case, it was good, because I just kind of stopped. And then Dax was talking. Sure.

So I didn't have to speak through what was happening. Cause I bet I wouldn't have been able to. So your stuff was coming up in the interview or there was a dynamic that was, like, making things worse. No, I was already, like, on the verge. On the verge for, like, three days, you know?

And it was coming, and I was feeling so sensitive to the world. Sure. And the beginning of the interview was about me. And so I was like, I can't handle this? Sure, it was silly.

Like, we just were having this kind of funny banter at the top, but I was in a place where I could not handle anything. Sometimes we are in that place. I've just been like, what's going on with female hormones? I. Me too.

How? My period this week, I was like, couldn't work. It's really bad. Me too. Maybe there's something going on.

I don't know. But again, though, it's annoying to say it, because I know that hormones obviously make everything way more intense, but the thing is still real, what's underneath it. And I feel like tears make it seem like, oh, it's just hormones. It's not a big deal. It's not a big thing.

It's nothing. And that's not true. Whatever you're crying about is still real and still means something to you and needs to be excavated. Exactly. So, yeah, the tears are.

How did you phrase it? They reveal. Yes. They reveal what's important. And you might just not have a great poker face, and that's fine.

Lizzy Plapinger
What I like to remember is I'm sensitive, and it's so annoying so much of the time, and there's so many things that make it harder for me to. But the flip side is there was a study I came across that helped me understand it, which was sensitive. Kids. Yes, they feel sadness and anxiety more, but they also feel joy and bliss more. Yes.

You feel the sadness and those negative, quote unquote emotions really hard. But I'm sure you also feel the positive emotions harder. You're probably a water sign. Yeah. And just embrace it.

Monica Padman
I think you bring it up. That's my. I like yours a lot. It's probably making you even cry more to try not to. To hold it in.

Exactly. And hide it. Actually, in. In one of my acting classes in college, one of my professors said it's actually way more interesting to see someone try not to cry than to cry, than just like, oh, this is a sad scene, cry. It's like, it's actually more interesting to see someone try not to.

Lizzy Plapinger
Yeah. And I bet if you say it weirdly, I bet it, like, you won't cry as much. I think so, too. Or, like, you'll be able to laugh about it. Yes.

Monica Padman
Hmm. Crying. When was the last time you cried? Good question. That was one of the first date questions.

Lizzy Plapinger
I cried this weekend. Cause I saw. I TikTok about a sister with cancer, and I, like, ruined me. That's really. Yeah, I know.

But I cried a bit. This. I had a little teary eyed. This morning, my mother sent me a really cute text. That's sweet.

When's the last time you cried? Thursday. Oh, yeah, that was the day. And what was going on? Oh, God.

Monica Padman
I mean, should I talk about it? Well, for one, again, I just felt completely unregulated. I was like, what is going on that I can't bounce back? And then something happened that did really throw me. I don't think I can talk about the details on here.

But basically, some event that had nothing to do with me but sort of did just brought up so many feelings of all my stuff. Like, not lovable validation that I'm not lovable or that people don't like me. So that happened. And then that was a couple days before. So it was just like.

It was just building. And then it broke, as it does. But anyway, let's see. Okay. I think a lot of people have this problem.

Hi, Liz and Monica. I always wake up on Wednesday mornings excited to hear the new episode. This is a dumb and easy question, I think I've been with my boyfriend for about a year. It started off casual, but now we are meeting family and stuff, and I love him a lot. However, he has made the very reasonable request to spend more time hanging out at his house.

To be fair, it's harder for me because I have to bring my two dogs. But he has opened his home to them and got them treats. So I can't even use that excuse anymore. I've worked hard to make my house cute and comfortable and lit well. And I want to be at my house all the time.

I'm trying to navigate how frequently we have to go to his house. And I don't even know if I can say anything. Okay, love you. Bye. Ooh.

I think so many people struggle with this. And I would definitely struggle with this. Cause I like my space. I do the opposite. I don't want them at my house.

Lizzy Plapinger
I just wanna go to their house. Oh, really? I know. Even when you're in it. In it?

Monica Padman
Why? I don't know. I just feel better. I mean, maybe cause I've never been with someone that their place was, like, very not nice. You know, not comfortable.

Lizzy Plapinger
But I like that my space is my space. And I can go back to my things. Interesting. I relate to lighting. Maybe those are things you can talk about.

What are the things that are bothering you about his place that would make it more comfortable for you? He probably would want to know. He got the treats. Yeah, that's true. He's willing to make some changes.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think you could maybe be like, it's a little dark in here. How would you feel about if we put a lamp in here or something? I think you could do that.

Monica Padman
But also, some people just like being in their home, and that is hard, because I do think the truth is you kind of have to just compromise and know that being in this relationship means you're gonna have to spend more time there than you'd like. I have a friend who was in this situation where her partner never wanted to come over to her house. Oh. And she was like, I shouldn't always have to be the one to go. And I think that's right.

There becomes, like, a deeper thing. Yeah. It's not even about the house. Yes, there's an imbalance where one person's always giving and the other person is not. So, unfortunately, I think you have to go there.

But again, I think you could say, I'm so annoying. I'm such a homebody. I really just like being at my house. But, of course, for you, I think it's only fair that I come over. So how do you feel about maybe, like, we put a lamp or something over here?

Lizzy Plapinger
Say what you like or get sheet if the sheets aren't comfortable? I don't know. Sometimes boys, like, make it more comfy for you. Find out what would make it better for you. I get the two dogs, though.

That's like a whole schlep. It is, but, yes. Especially if he's brought it up. If no one brings it up, it can be fine. But if he wants.

Monica Padman
But he wants, that means he's feeling that there's an imbalance. Yes. There's an emotional undertone to it. Yeah. So.

Sorry. Yeah, I think. Sorry. Downsides of being in relationships to go to people's houses. Yeah, it's true.

Speaking of, how did. So you know, you said you spoke to your mom on Mother's Day, and your mom sent you a nice text today. Did you have any feelings about Mother's Day? Did anything, like, pop up for you? Yeah.

Lizzy Plapinger
No. I'm like, yeah. I mean, it's hard not to. And even her text. This is gonna sound weird, but it was so nice.

And I was like, does she think she's gonna die soon? Like, no, I know. That's where my mind goes. I'm like, oh, she's, like, writing these texts because, like, she doesn't know how much time she has left. But is she sick?

No, I'm just constantly worried. I know. Is this an immigrant parent? I don't know. Someone needs.

Needs to tell us. Do other people feel this way? Cause it's constant. I know when I'm with them, it's time. Me too.

Monica Padman
100. I know I'll come back from seeing them. I'm sick. I feel like there's like a physical toll. My sister doesn't have that.

Lizzy Plapinger
Cause my sister sees them all the time, so she doesn't even really. Obviously she's seeing that they're aging. But we like when you see parents at the airport and you're like, oh, my God, they look so much older than last time. I'm not okay for like a few days just off of that. I know, I know, I know.

Monica Padman
So that's what it was bringing up age. But did it bring up anything fertility wise? Oh, interesting. Yeah, I'll get that around Christmas or my birthday or Valentine like things that are more couply. But Mother's Day.

Lizzy Plapinger
No, interestingly. Do you? Yeah, I have now for, I guess past couple years. Mother's Day feels different now. It like hurts a little bit more, but in a weird way because I still don't, you know, I still don't know what I want, but it's just a reminder that I do.

Monica Padman
I don't have. It's a marker. You don't have this. That's okay. It doesn't mean necessarily you need it, but it is something you don't have.

And this is shining a light on that. Do you think that people who don't want kids feel that way? Do you think that the fact that you feel that way on Mother's Day is a sign that you may want kids? I don't know. We'd have to ask Chelsea Handler.

She's the only one I know that's like, well, no, she's not. I actually know multiple people who are just like, we're not doing that. Yeah, I think because, I don't know. There's an added element where it's like nebulous. I can't say either way.

Like, I'm so sad that I don't have them or I feel great that I don't have them. It's more like, oh, gosh, I don't know if I'll ever celebrate this in a way that other people are celebrating it. Like, I wonder. It causes some anxiety a little bit, but, yeah, I definitely think about it on Mother's day. Do you think that the person you're dating someone and they have a stance on it, it'll affect your decision?

That's a good question. Probably if I'm in love with someone and they say, I really want kids. That feels easy to me. But if they say I really don't, that actually feels hard. Hard, right?

Lizzy Plapinger
Yeah, both feel hard to me. I was on a date last night. He also doesn't know. And I was like, what do I want to hear? And I was like, oh, both would scare me.

I think I really need to have kids because then I'd be like, oh, my God. If I want to be with this person forever, I would need to have kids. But also, I don't want kids. Is also scary because then it's like, oh, then I'm not. Then I'm not having that.

It's so funny. It is. Of all the generations, I think we're the one that knows the least. Other generations seems to have just known, like, do they want or do they not? And there wasn't really a choice a long time ago.

But I've never known this many people who actually don't know. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Okay, let's see. What time are we at?

Monica Padman
Oh, we're at time. But we have other great questions. Next, we have a porn question for next week. Oh, God. How do I de center men from my life?

Wow. Huge. That's for next week, too. Okay, great. And also next week, we'll come with some gift guides.

Lizzy Plapinger
Yes. Thank you for submitting questions. Please continue to submit questions. We love hearing from you guys. And, well, maybe by next week, maybe we'll have tried the robot lot.

Yes. Burger. What are you even going to eat there? You can't eat wagyu burgers. Yeah, you can eat robot fries.

Monica Padman
Okay, we'll report back. Okay, great. Can't wait. Bye.

Lizzy Plapinger
Bye.

Synced: Up There

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1. Introduction

2. Personal Stories and Reflections

3. Social Commentary and Observations

4. Mental Health and Relationships

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