Synced: Indian Summer

A
Hello there. How was your week? How was my week? Do you want to give an update? Oh, do you want to give details?

But if you don't want, or you can. Well, I went on my first non double date with LinkedIn guy. Someone actually, I had drinks with someone who listens to our podcast. She's. We've been kind of fans of each other's work for a while.

B
And she was like, do you guys think that the guys listen, that guys you talk about listen to the podcast? And I feel like we just operate as if they don't. Yeah, like, men don't have podcast apps. They don't have instagram. I mean, they might, but we just have to live our lives.

It's true. And we don't. I don't feel like we say negative things. I don't think even if they're feeling our. Really our side, we're just sharing our experiences.

A
And this is a whole conversation that happens on armchair, too. Like, what's ethical about what you're sharing about other people? But ultimately, these are our lives. That's the point of these shows. So we're gonna share.

B
I love that. Yeah, we had a really good time. We went to all time. We had chocolate cake and the sweet potatoes, and I told them about our egg freezing every time. You know, I talked a lot about you, actually.

Well, because it's so fun that I get to talk about, you know. Cause now he knows. He knows you. So it was really actually quite nice. Oh, that's interesting that he had the.

Context for a lot of my stories. But, yeah, we had a really good time. He rescheduled twice. Well, the first time he rescheduled, I was like, okay, that can happen. And then the second time, I texted you, and I was like, am I dating you?

A
Yeah, that is my move, because I. Think when it happens to the other person, you internalize it. You go, oh, they must not really want to go on date with me. They must not be that interested. But from your rescheduler perspective, is it that you actually are excited about the date and that's scary?

Well, it depends on the date. For me personally, it's more that I hate dating. We talked about this last week, but I don't like dating. And so, yes, it's scary, but more, it's not that I'm rescheduling for no reason. Like, something comes up that I want to do, and I don't want to go on the date, so I do the thing I want to do.

B
Right. But I can only do that so many times before, I'm. I think, like, I have to go. It's time for me to go on the date. It's different for each person, and not to scare you, but, yes, the truth is, I don't really want to go on the date when I do that.

But it's not because you're not interested by the person. I guess I'm like, I'm just. It was helpful for me to hear that from you. Not that, like, this happens to me all the time, but I think that I definitely internalize other people's or, like, I internalize everything. Yeah.

And so even this, I was like, I mean, it definitely didn't make me, like, feel as excited, but I also was like, there could be a million reasons that have nothing to do with me. And he has a lot going on. He's, like, moving. There's, like, a lot of moving happening. Well, and then I feel that it's a weird balance where you want someone who will prioritize you, but you also want someone who has stuff going on that has a life.

A
Right. And so if he rescheduled, and we know the first reason why he rescheduled, I don't know the second reason, but he has a life he cares about. I think that's great. Yeah. To me, it's just, like, there's no desperation, and I like that.

B
So you would like someone who. Who is a rescheduler. I mean, it's not gonna. It's not gonna bother me. Yeah.

I wonder if the genders are reversed. It's different. I want to feel like, especially for a date with a guy like that, like, he's organizing it and, like, sort of the one driving the ship. And so I think if a woman, maybe guys don't take it as personally, but to me, it's like, if he doesn't know where we're going or it's that part that I feel like I look for in guys, especially, like, at the beginning, that they're, like, on it in terms of getting the date set up. But maybe for guys, it's less of a big deal if.

If we're the one canceling because they're the ones kind of driving. Maybe. But that's such an old school dynamic that the man has to plan the date. I'm trying to. I mean, the last couple guys, I felt like it was more, what should we do?

A
It didn't feel. I don't know. I think, like, when you're dating. Yeah. But to me, like, the first few dates, I feel like it's the bare minimum.

B
I'm gonna put in a lot of time and effort into, like, looking good and, like. But women and men, again, it's very traditional and old school, but we each have, like, our own way of showing up and showing that we care about the other person and, like, we care about the date. And I like when a guy plans it. But what about when you're dating a woman? I've not been on as many.

I haven't had as many experiences, but when I did, it's the person that's pursuing the other person. So there's one person that's like, I want to go on a date with you. Right. And usually I think we fall back when it's men and women. Men are the ones kind of pursuing and the ones suggesting the date.

And when it's women and women. I mean, in my experience, if she asked me on a date and then she ends up paying because she's the one who wanted to take me out and wanted us to go on a date. But in this case, isn't this a little like you and LinkedIn guy? Is that the same for second date, when everyone sort of agreed, like, you guys both want to go on a date with each other? Yeah.

A
So is it the same? Well, I think this is, like, very not a normal. Like, it's rare that you go on a double date before going on the first date. So this felt like our first date, so, yeah, I don't know. That's what I expect, but certainly not.

Like, yeah, it's interesting. Yeah, yeah. You know, and then, like, I don't know. I went on a date with this guy that. It's, like, a long story, but I went to this party, like, two weeks ago.

B
I knew one person at this party, and I brought eight people, and then the person, the minute we got there, she's like, I just left. And so we got to this party where we didn't know anybody. We get there, and then it's like, the 40th birthday party of, like, this guy that I met, like, six years ago. So we went on a few dates, and it was very organic in that way. It was, like, more friendly.

Like, it was more like, oh, we connected at one point, but LinkedIn guide, it's like a setting up situation, I think. Yeah, you expect the guy to, like, drive the ship a bit. But then do you think. This is an interesting, broader question, but if that's the expectation at first, do you think that lends itself to a dynamic where they're in control or, like, they, again, have power. All of these dynamics do.

There's always power dynamics in relationships. But to me, this is like the courting phase. I think once you're a few dates in, or even again, if the first date goes really well and you guys really are pursuing this. Yeah. Often I'll be like, oh, I want to go to this place.

Let's go to this place. But I think the first date should be like, not should for me. I want to feel. Yeah. I want to feel like this person made a plan.

It's not that complicated. Like, I'm not like, take me out on this crazy, but, yeah, I like to know that you can plan and, like, are thoughtful and care. It's just nice to have that. But, yeah, for other people, it's totally not important. That's fine, too.

A
Yeah. Interesting. Okay, well, we did a cliffhanger of sorts. Yes. Where we said this week we were gonna talk about some of our current favorite things that we are enjoying.

A sort of summer gift guide mixed with just things we're enjoying right now. I feel like I got the assignment wrong, but it'll be great. I thought it was like, gifts. Good ideas for gifts. So it's less of my favorite things and more like gifts.

This probably. It'll be similar. Yeah. My guess, yeah. Okay.

Do you want to start with one of your items? You should start. Okay. So I have these dessert plates. They're from ABC home.

They are called the Wonderland plates, and they have different ones. They're very dainty. And mine has, like, an Alice from Alice in Wonderland, and she's eating cake on it. And I have them out on my table, and they're so beautiful, and they bring me a ton of joy. And I also think they're a great gift.

They're expensive, but I just mean dessert plates in general are a great gift. There's some at Fish's Eddie that are super cute if you search. Dessert plates are abundant, but if it is something that people don't normally buy themselves, if you're buying a plate set, you're probably gonna skip the dessert plate. And so I think it's a cute gift idea to provide and also. Cause the dessert plate doesn't have to match the set.

I think it's fun if it doesn't, actually. So I think that's fun. And if you really wanna go the extra mile, you could bring a cake. Oh, cute. So I recommend, if you really want a splurge, you can look at ABC home.

The plates are so beautiful. They're like. I think china oh, wow. Which is why they're so expensive. But, yeah, so that's one of mine.

B
Cute. Okay. One of mine is. This is my move. It's, like, a really good gift.

I have one, and I love it. It's called a neck deck. Like the shiatsu massage. Neck massager. And it's, like, warm, and it, like, really, like, I gave one to my sister for Christmas one year, and she will, like, talk about it on a regular because she writes children's books and, like, does illustrations.

And she's like, every time if I have a long day of drawing, I'll use it. And it really takes out the knots. Like, it's not just. It's nice, it's self care. It's, like, fun.

But it really. I don't know what technology they've figured out, but it really does work where if you have tension somewhere and you can't get it out, it'll get it out. And it's like, $50. You can get it on Amazon if you stayed someone's house or something like that. Like, it's a good little.

Or, like, I had a friend who had a baby, and often people give gifts for the baby, but, like, giving a gift to the mother, it's a good one. And I love mine. It's so great. Yeah. So nice.

A
Speaking of gifts for the mother, this isn't on my list, but this is an idea. Okay. There's a spa in New York called Shibu spa. It's in the Greenwich hotel, and they have these japanese robes that you wear into the massage. And it's a navy blue, and it has these white little flowers.

They're so beautiful, and they're so comfortable, and they're so chic, and you can buy them. So I just bought a spoiler. I don't think she listens, but I bought one for my friend who's pregnant, and we're throwing a shower for her. And so it's a gift for the mom as opposed to a gift for the baby. I mean, you can do both, but I think it's a nice little.

B
Yeah, robes are just so nice. Yeah. You've given me a robe. Yes. Barbie, bree, robe.

A
So soft. Again, it's those things that you don't necessarily buy for yourself, you know? Cause you're like, oh, I don't need. And I wear your robe. The one we have in our picture.

Our picture, yes. Our cover art has robes. I love it. Okay, so next for me is. I might have said this before.

It might have been on a gift guide. So I feel bad if I'm repeating, but. Oh, well. So the other day, I went to Chateau Marmont with girlfriends for dinner. I talked about this on armchair, but they have these candles here that are insane.

They were sold out for six years. It was a whole thing. It's stupid, but they're back in stock. And so I bought one for all of us. And I think that's such a good gift idea.

If you've gone and experienced something with that friend, like, if you've gone to a hotel with that friend or vacation or, like, a yummy dinner or something, and there's something from the place that you can buy, like the candle. Or also, I've given the Bammelman's martini glasses to Amy because we all spent time in New York together, and we went to Bemmelman's. Things like that, where they're, like, nice. Especially if it's, like, a nice candle or a nice martini glass or something. I also had a friend, some friends from home.

We went to a dinner in Denver. This was many years ago, and we were all shocked at how gorgeous the wine glasses were. You know, it was a point of conversation. So then I, like, looked to see what they were. And then for Christmas, I gave her two of those.

So just, like, mixing the experience with the tangible item, I think is fun. Wow, that's a really interesting style. I feel like you could give a masterclass and get. Kidding. I love it.

B
Yeah, that's such a good idea. My parents are going on a trip, and it was my dad's birthday, and so me and my sister, we never know what to get to my dad. Cause he's like, dads are so hard. Bernie Sanders. Literally Bernie Sanders.

A
Do you wanna get him the gloves? Then? Even that, he'd be like, I have gloves. Why did you buy these? This is bad for the environment.

B
Like, he would just be annoyed if we got him something that he doesn't need. So we knew where they were going in Italy, and so I. And my dad has a hearing impairment, so I googled quiet restaurants where that would be nice for him. And then getting him, like, a gift certificate for specific. That's right.

Like. But mine is more basic. Yours is taking something that you've experienced together and then getting them something to remember is also really good. Just a little memory, but both. Yeah.

I mean, it's all about, like, thinking. Thoughtfulness. Thoughtfulness, obviously. Yeah. Getting a gift is like, will they like it?

But when someone goes the extra mile, that makes such a difference. Okay, my next one is, like, red light therapy, like, anything. Red light therapy I'm a big fan of because I got a panel from ko's K O Z E, which is the brand I like trust, because, again, sometimes you don't know what you're getting. And, like, some of these red light devices can be kind of whatever, but I really love it. They have masks, whole range of products.

There's even, like, red light light bulbs you can get if someone has trouble sleeping. It has a way of, like, canceling out blue light so that it helps your body and, like, circadian rhythms. Circadian rhythms. Like, red light is just great. It helped my sleep a lot, too.

Like, I have a lot of insomnia, and it really helps. So it ranges from really expensive, but the light bulbs are like $20. Yeah, that's cool. So, yeah, there's many ways of gifting red light, which is so good for your skin. I think Rick Rubin does something like this.

A
Like, at a certain time of night, everything turns red. Yep. It's interesting. I put on only my little neons. I think this was a Huberman thing or like, where it was like 5 hours before bed or something like that.

B
You can't have direct light. 5 hours? Yeah, something like a few hours before bed, you have to start dimming. Oh, jeez. I noticed.

It makes a difference. But again, I can't sleep. So for someone who doesn't have trouble, it's probably fine. I thought of you the other day cause you said that you used two eye masks and I need a good eye mask. I found.

Okay, I'm gonna add this to my favorite things. I found the perfect eye mask. What is it? I have to remember the brand cause. I am gonna order it right now.

Why? Because you're having trouble sleeping? I don't sleep well. But also what I realized, and I can't believe it took me this long to realize the apartment building next to my bedroom window has a light on all night. Oh.

A
It's an outdoor light, and it just stays on. So there's a light on next to my bedroom window all night. Right. So, like, I can't believe it took me six years to realize it. That's how oblivious I am.

But I think that's obviously having an impact. Wow. For sure. And it impacts all these chemicals that I don't remember even just going to the bathroom and turning on the light. I know you're not supposed to do that.

B
Exactly. So imagine all the time. Okay, so this is how it came through. It was advertised to me on Instagram, obviously. Obviously.

I saw the version on Instagram, and it was expensive, so I found a cheaper one on Amazon. But basically it's called door, and Rose is the brand. And it's this, like, very thick eye mask. It's almost. It looks like you have those eighties rollerblade or sunglasses on.

It kind of goes over your forehead. And again, the way it was advertised was something, like, better than botox, like, whatever. Right. It, like, protects your face, basically, from the creases or something's happening in your sleep. But then I found a cheaper version on Amazon, and I like it.

It's Zen Sia. It's Zenssia, and it's 100% mulberry. Basically. They're, like, made of. Right.

A
And Brooklinen has a silk one that is good. And slip also has one. There's another brand called Lunia, which also is similar where they just came up with this larger eye mask situation. And it's so nice because I'll, like, moisturize. And I almost feel like it also, like, keeps in, like, moisture.

B
That's a totally. I don't know if it does that, but it feels really fluffy, and it never comes off. I'm so happy with it. Oh, wow. Okay, I'm gonna get this.

A
It's $29. Yeah. The one on Doran Rose. Oh, that's cheap. Yeah, it's not that bad.

B
The one on Amazon is $20, but do whatever. Skin recovering sleep mask is what this one is called. Yeah, I get all of them in black. I know the eye masks are cute in all colors, but it makes a difference. The black.

Get it in black. Oh, that's smart for blackout, you know? Yeah. Okay, cool. I'm getting this.

Okay. That's very exciting. Oh, my God. Fun. Otherwise you need my list.

But now it makes up for all the. Cause all of my other ones are weird because they're, like, gifts. Well, it's fine. My assumption is you're only giving gifts that you like or have or know. Yeah, but the red light therapy.

A
I have the Dennis gross mask. I also gave that for white elephant, and it was a big hit. Oh, I remember. I really wanted it. It's a good one.

B
It's great. Is it my turn or your turn? No, my turn. Cause you did Brad light. Okay, so next for me, this is a small, small item.

A
There's a design store down the street from us. It's called Pearson Ward. Incredible store, beautiful store. They had this japanese soap. It's a round soap.

The brand is spelled t o m a n o h a d a. If you put that in and do round soap. You'll see it. And I have the musk smell, and it is so good. And it makes my whole bathroom smell so delicious and good.

But they have, they had a rose one. Rose isn't really my scent. I relate. It's not. Someone gave me a rose.

B
I have, like, I have to finish it because this was really a nice soap that was given to me. But, like, every time I, like, I can't, like, it's strong. I can't breathe it in. I feel like I'm eating a grandma. Yeah, it's a little grandma for me, too.

A
But people love rose, and it did smell nice for a rose smell. It smells very clean. All of these smell very clean. And they have a fig one I want to try, too. And they have lavender, but it's very luxurious and so high.

Recommend on the Tamino hada. The tamino had a sphere around palm oil. It's so yummy. It's really good. Oh, my God.

And if you have a beautiful, like, little dish to put it in, that's what I did to just, like, sit by the sink. It's just sitting in this, like, beautiful dish. Oh, so it's a hand soap. It's like. I'm using it as a hand soap.

Yeah, it's a bar. It looks like this. Oh, wow. That's so pretty. The Japanese, they got it.

B
They figured it out. Everything's so sleek and beautiful. And I love things that make your whole bathroom, like, that's so nice. I would give these shower. What is that called?

A
Bath bombs. Not bath bombs. For your shower. Do a charade. I know.

It's like little air fresheners. Almost like pastis. That's french. I know what that is. I know, I know.

B
What is it? Miracle lavender. Like a steamer shower. Steamer. Have you ever heard of that?

A
No. How would you call this? It's a pastie. From here, I can't really tell. It's like a little puck.

It's like a diffuser, kind of. It's like a little puck that's made out of aromatherapy scents and, like, essential oils. Essential oils. You put it on your shower drain, and so every time you take a shower. Oh, it releases it.

B
It releases it. And so your bathroom kind of just smells good. That sounds great. A good hack for your bathroom smelling nice during the shower is if you hang eucalyptus from your shower head. That's why you have that.

A
I threw it out because it was old. You gotta replace them. And it smells good. For how long? Good question.

I don't know, but it just like, makes it, like, feels spa like. Like smells like a spa. Okay. Ding, ding, ding. Something crazy happened the other day.

I was taking a shower. I had a different shower head than what came with the apartment because it was filtered water or whatever. And it crashed in the middle of my shower. Thank God it didn't crash on my head. I just started 6ft under.

Rob, I watched eight episodes of 6ft under since Friday. Yes. Easter egg. We did an episode of Flightless Bird that made me want to watch it. So I started it.

And at the beginning of each episode, there's a death. And this shower head crashing down is exactly how someone would have died on 6ft under. Can you die? It was heavy. It's big.

B
I don't know what we're talking about. So it's like a heavy. I don't know how to explain it other than it's a shower head. It's heavy because of the filtration in there. So it crashed in the tub.

A
It like, explodes. And then there was so much. It looked horrifying. It looked like there was poop everywhere. And I got so nervous.

I was like, why? I was like, ew. Is it all like moldy? But really, I think the filter itself is just like brown, sandy type material. So that was all over the top.

No, I had to clean it. It was a big disaster. It really threw me. Do you need filtered water? Is it good for your hair?

B
It makes a difference. I mean, I don't know. So since then. So I cleaned up all the crap and so now I don't have a showerhead. It's just pouring like a waterfall.

A
And I kind of like it. That sounds great. Yeah, it's making my hair washing much quicker. Cause it's not diffused. Sure.

It's just like someone dumping bunch of water off your head. So nice. It's pretty nice. I think that's spa like. I'm glad you survived.

Thank you. Me too. That's scary. I mean, any kind of shower accident is scary. Have you had any?

B
I slip a lot, but I've never, like, hurt myself. Knock on wood. But the last two apartments I've lived in, there's no bathtub. It's only just been shower, which actually is way safer. Cause you're not getting in and slipping in.

But I'm like, slippery. You probably need to put those things they put for babies at the bathtub. You're right. The grip for single women. Yes, exactly.

A
Support for synced comes from article. Article's fantastic. We love article. I was just on the site with a friend the other day because my friend is revamping his living room and we were picking out a whole bunch of items. Article is so nice because it's very.

B
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But the patio furniture was so pretty. It was so hard to choose which one to get. I have two patio chairs from article and they are so, they're so luxurious. They look so, so expensive. Yes.

A
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B
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A
I'm wearing skims right now. Didn't even mean to be. But I am. That happens to me all the time. I can't wear any other t shirt.

B
It's the best t shirt and the most comfortable. It makes no sense. It has amazing fit and quality, which is very hard to get both. I love the fits everybody t shirt and onyx. But I also like the soft smoothing, seamless t shirt.

And marble has been a standout for me. Like, I have that one too. I love it needed in all the colors cause I wear it so much. Yes. I also really love the boyfriend t shirt.

A
I have it in Onyx. I love a boyfriend tee. Like, I love it when it's a little oversized. It's so good. We just love everything they make.

And I've said this before, I've worn skims on like two out of the three first dates I've had in the last couple months. Yes. It's such a good first. You're right because it just looks so great and it like, it's flattering, but it's simple. Exactly.

B
It looks like you didn't try hard at all. You just look that great. Yeah. Cause it's a t shirt, right? It's a super classic look, but it just looks so good.

A
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All right. Okay, now your turn. Okay, so this is the weird one. I love doing personalized Oreos for people. Oh, my God.

That's so cute. It's a website. I think you literally google personalized Oreos and it'll pop up. I should probably shout them out. And so it's just a really goofy gift.

B
Is it oreo.com? My assumption is they have. I hope they're making them. Yeah. Yeah.

Oreo.com. hilarious. So you go to oreo.com, and you can put a photo, you can write something, and it takes a little bit. You have to do it a little bit in advance. You know, it's not tomorrow's third birthday, and I forgot kind of thing, but it's a really funny gift.

My friend Simone had this really silly character that she would do with Snapchat filters, and so I made a bunch of Oreos with the characters telling her happy birthday. Oh. So you can just get really goofy with it, and it's kind of fun. I love Oreos. I love Oreos so much.

And they're vegan. I think. They are. Yeah. I know vegans that eat them, which doesn't make sense.

A
It's a little unnerving. Like, they shouldn't be. That's okay. That's okay. We still love them.

Yeah. Oreos are the best Oreos. And milk is not vegan. Well, you could dip it in all kinds of different milks. Oh, you're right.

There's vegan milk. Oh, oat milk. Yeah. Is oat milk vegan? Of course.

B
Non dairy almond milk, oat milk, pistachio milk. What's your. You go to oat, you're an oat lady. I was. Well, now you're whole.

A
Yeah, I'm back to regular oat milk. Do you feel a change? Well, because, you know, once you switch to these, like, healthier milks and you learn that they're a mess, it's like, oh, there's all these oils and this and, oh, this is a carcinogen. It's like, oh, my God. So I just went back to regular whole milk, and I love it.

B
Great. Love it. Happy with it. Okay. Speaking of the Oreos, I do think personalized food is really fun.

A
And Bill Gates, after we had him on the first time, he sent us diet coke. It was personalized, and so Dax had a pack. It said, bill and Dax. Rob, you got one, too, right? You had one that said Bill and Robin, and then mine said, bill and Monica.

And I posted it, not thinking at all that it looked like Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

And she texted me, and she was laughing. She's the coolest person on earth, has such a good sense of humor, and she was put through, like, hell, the fucking trauma of the century from the world, and she's just really awesome. But anyway. Yes. I didn't think twice about it.

Vil and Monica, that's great. That's such a thoughtful gift. It was. I didn't even know you could do that. It makes sense.

B
Brands are smart. They're smart. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, now, next for me, this is not a gift.

A
This is just what I'm super into right now is this nail polish I'm wearing. Oh, it's so nice. It's this really pretty orange. There's, like, a red undertone to it that makes it a little not bright, but it's not Halloween orange. Either it feels matte or, like, opaque.

It has a really cool jelliness to it. And I've been taking a break from manicures at a salon in lieu of doing my own. I've been doing my own for the past few months, so I felt that I could splurge on the colors and the nail polish itself. Why did you decide to move away? It was more just.

It takes time to go, and I love it. It's fun to do, but it was just taking too long. It's funny. I haven't been going either. I used to get pedicures.

B
It's like a fun self care thing, and I haven't done it well. We used to go a lot, and I guess since we don't go, I don't go. Yeah. It's a whole thing. And I'm like, I don't know if I need to.

A
Yeah. So I've been doing my own, and it's a Chanel nail polish, maybe. I think it's french, so you will probably know how to say it. It's two words. E t e, and then I n.

B
D I e n. I need to see that. What? E t. E?

A
Yeah, that's the first word. Oh, that's not really a word. Et. But it should be two e's. Summer is apparently what it means.

Oh, thank you. E t. Oh, e t. Okay. Okay.

So it is a word. Okay, so indian summer is probably what it means. What's the second word? I n d I e n. Yeah.

B
Itij. Oh, my God. Ding ding ding. Indian summer. I'm indian.

Oh, my God. Wow. What does this mean? What does it mean? And it's number 163.

A
It's beautiful. It's a beautiful color. I really like it. It's gonna take me through the summer. I think you're having an indian summer.

B
That's exciting. Exactly. Okay, another again, I like to use Etsy to personalize anything. I got a Stanley cup for my niece for her birthday this year, and there's so many shops that you can personalize, and they'll personalize the Stanley cub with whatever you want them to. Thank you.

When I went to Greece on that trip last summer, I made personalized t shirts and a captain hat. Cause the guy was learning his, like. Captain class, captain's license or whatever. And so I got him, like, a personalized captain hat with his name on it. Again, all etsy.

And it's really affordable. And you can personalize anything on Etsy. Literally anything but hats, t shirts, mugs, Stanley cups. It's like a fun one. How many more do you have?

We can wrap up? I have one more. Okay, great. So next for me, this is from Gohar World, which is a website, and they have these lemon squeezers. You put like, a slice of lemon in there and they have a bird and a fish, and they're so cute.

A
I asked for one for Christmas two years ago, and I got it. And if you have a dinner party or something, it's just such a cute thing to have out and have people squeeze their. Whatever you have. Yeah, squeeze your lemon. Squeeze their lemon over the food.

It's just, to me, when I'm at someone's house, it's always those tiny details that I am super attracted to. Who needs this little lemon squeezer? No one. But it makes everything feel more intentional and sweet and fun. But.

B
So wait, does everyone have their own lemon squeeze? No, it's just like, go around and you go like, who wants some lemon squeeze? That's sweet. Yeah, just like, if you, like, are passing the plate, it's just out. Wow, I like that.

A
Yeah, it's really cute. I've seen this on a couple other people's gift guides who I trust, so it's like a cool girl move to have it high. Recommend on that. My last one is flamingo estate candles. Usually, like, I'll just have one at my house.

B
It's one of those, like, if you go to someone's house or again, like, a last minute gift, it's just a really luxurious. Luxurious, but affordable. They smell so good. All of their stuff smells so good. Okay, so my last one, of course, I don't know how to tell you how to get it, so this is a bummer, but at Nikki Kehoe design store in Los Angeles, incredible.

A
And full disclosure, my designer, the store is so good, they just opened one in New York. So if you're in New York, also, please check out Nikki Kehoe. Or if you're here. But a couple of months ago, they had these cards. They're very thick cardstock, and they have these gorgeous french cartoon drawings on them.

And you're supposed to spray your perfume on it and then, like, give it to your lover. Oh. Which is such a. I just love it so much. I plan on using it as cards.

Stationary. And I think there's a couple that I want to frame. They're beautiful. They're so cute. That's enough.

Like, framing a card, I think, is a really fun move. I had this little card with this tiny drawing of a pancake on it from the store next to all time called grandpa, and I framed it and hung it in my kitchen. And it's so cute. Art can be anything you want it to be. And framing a photo of you guys, I love getting those.

B
Cause framing is such a hassle, and I'll just won't do it. So when someone gives me, like, a frame. Already done. It's so nice. It's all ready to go.

I had a friend do that of, like, a trip we went to. She, like, framed this really beautiful photo of us. You really have to know the person's style if you're gonna do that or. If they don't care. Exactly.

A
But if they do, and then you get them a frame they don't want. I've been in this position where I love it, but I'm like, oh, fuck. Like, this doesn't go. But then if I replace the frame, they'll see it, and then that's uncomfortable, so can get sticky tough. Oh, wow.

Anywho, all right, well, I guess for now, that's gonna conclude our summer gift guide, our summer favorite things. But maybe we'll revisit this down the line, because I think it's fun. I like hearing what other people are into and getting inspiration and ideas. Yeah. Okay, so let's do some questions.

Wait. And so real quick. So are you gonna see LinkedIn guy again? Do you think I think so. Love it.

I hope the double date leads to long and happy marriage. It would be great. You would officiate the wedding. Oh, my God. I'll get started on my speech right now.

I'm just gonna read Taylor Swift's commencement speech. Oh, my God. I would love nothing more.

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B
Like, you kind of miss learning things in your adult life, and you. Yeah, you can listen to podcasts. You can listen to all kinds of different things and get informed that way. But it's such a fun thing to put on on a Saturday morning or on a. On an evening if you don't want to binge watch a show, like, and you want to learn something new.

A
Yeah, I mean, I think it's the dream as an adult to go back to college and not have to take tests or anything, but just learn, right? And this is literally that. And then you can learn things that you wouldn't have necessarily picked in school, like how to overcome your fears with Amy Poehler. Like, who does not want to take a class from Amy Poehler? I would have spent $40,000 to take, like, 1 hour long class with Amy Poehler in school.

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B
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A
This is intense. Okay. Help. Drunken one night stand before my wedding. Rob's face.

Yeah, this is intense. We're not here to judge. This is from anonymous. Duh. What if they put their last name?

Hi, Monica and Liz. Absolutely love your podcast and have from race to 35 up until now. Really feels like I'm just hanging with the gals. I'm writing in because I've made a big mistake. I'm getting married in a couple months, but I've been on holiday overseas and ended up making out with a guy after a lot of shots.

Like, a lot. I have a lot of blank memories. I have never been someone to do this. I can't sleep or eat. The guilt is a lot.

I love my husband to be incredibly deeply. We've been together for many years already. We've been through an incredible amount together, and I love our life. I've booked in for some therapy to reconcile the fact that I'm even someone who could do this. I'm so afraid to hurt him and lose everything.

I'm in a total ethical dilemma. Do I keep this from him and continue our happy lives and work on forgiving myself and being the best partner I can be, knowing I never want to do this again? Or do I confess knowing it will completely break him and our trust? Especially tough in the lead up to our wedding. Keeping it in would be a shift in my own values and the open and honest relationship we've always had.

But telling him may mean losing it all over some. Something completely stupid. Help. This is so hard. People might be mad at me for saying this, but I'm sorry.

Like, I'm sorry you're in this position. It smiles. Me too. And it really sucks when you do something you can't take back. And I think we've all been in positions where we've done something we can't take back.

So what are your initial thoughts I. Think my immediate thoughts. I don't know. I was dating someone long distance in my twenties, and you weren't engaged or anything, but still there was a night similar to that where I didn't even sleep with the person. But I was like, I think it was my birthday.

B
Like, I was very drunk. And I kept putting my hand on his mouth, but then would, like, put my mouth on, like. But that was the extent of what happened. But I felt terrible for months. And, like, I never told him, but looking back, I wish I had.

Because I ended up just feeling guilty out of the blue all the time about something that I don't. Well, this is a little complicated. Cause he was so toxic. Well, if I would have told him, he would. I think the relationship actually would have taken a different turn if I had told him for the best, where maybe it wouldn't have been the sort of right relationship.

But in this case, it feels like it is the right relationship. And she wants to build this and keep going. And I relate to just the guilt, and that feeling is just going to follow you around, and you're going to feel guilty all the time. You don't want to start the relationship in this dynamic where you feel like you've wronged someone. Right.

Or that you have to make up or compensate for being this terrible person, which I get. I don't know if that's what she's doing, but that's what would happen to me. It would be so in the back of my mind so often that then it would motivate certain things that I would do. And so, at the risk of not knowing what's going to unfold, I think it's worth maybe talking about. And maybe there is also a conversation with yourself about, you know, about drinking, you know.

A
Yeah. That could be also something to think about and then bring to your partner. We can't give you a right answer here. There is no right answer. So it's.

It's just what you can live with ultimately, at the end of the day. But I do think if you are telling the person so that you are relieved of guilt, knowing it's gonna cause so much pain. I don't know. Like, it's tricky for me because that's still about you. It's still, like, I feel too guilty.

So I'm gonna have to say, not you, Liz, but so I'm gonna have to say something so that I don't feel guilty. Here's what I'll say. If I was in this position and I was him, I would not wanna know? Oh, wow. I 100% would never want to hear this because then you can't unhear it.

You'll never unhear that for the rest of your life. And this person seems that they are very adamant about correcting behavior as far as never doing this in the future, going to therapy, figuring their own shit out, understanding why, and maybe there's curbing behaviors moving forward. I think she can do that and not ruin his life. I mean, really, I would not want to know. I want that person to figure their shit out on their own and let's move on with our, like, wow.

B
I mean, I have friends that are in a really serious relationship, and that happened, and their relationship has been a mess. Like, they've worked on it really hard, but it then set up this whole dynamic where, like, she kind of got over it, but then she was then being flirty with other, like, because she. Felt like she, like, was owed that. And I think there was resentment. It's really hard to overcome.

It is. And, I mean, I I've seen both examples. I've seen a couple that wasn't able to overcome it, and I've seen a couple that did. So it's so specific to the person and the people, and maybe part of it is knowing your partner. And do you think he would, like, ultimately want to know?

A
I mean, there are things that I've found out in my life that I wish I never known. Like, if I had never known that, I just would have been a happier person. Yeah. I think it's one thing if it's a pattern and it's something that you think about all the time and that you're acting on or that you feel like you need to, like, repress this feels a little bit different from that. So maybe you're right.

B
I mean, there's a part of me that's like, if this was me and I couldn't remember three quarters of it anyways, I'd be like, oh, I just don't really remember. It didn't happen. I'm not sure it happened. And then again, I'd get help in terms of drinking and just reflecting on, you know, because, again, not that those things always go hand in hand, but in my friend's case, he needed to work on his drug use and become really sober and commit to that because you're making different decisions. And so if this was my friend, I would support her either way.

Yeah. And, yeah, I think if you know that your partner is extremely sensitive to cheating and would definitely. I don't know if it's ever come up. I feel like sometimes eventually does you get a sense with your partner. If this is, like, a non starter, then I think it's also a different story.

Like, if, you know, this is like. Yeah, that's all we can really say. I think that's my personal take, is I wouldn't want to know. That's all I can sort of offer to the table and go to therapy, talk it out. Yeah.

A
Okay. Here's another anonymous. I get sad after sexting. Hi, Monica and Liz. I have a man friend who lives in a different state.

We both like each other but can't commit to dating long distance. Much to my dismay, we are in pretty regular contact. And from time to time, we end up sexting. It gets really heated. We send videos back and forth.

He brings out a super sexual side of me, and he makes me feel so wanted. The only issue is I get sad when the sexting ends. I think part of it is that there's no after sex cuddling. And I'm hit with the reality of our situation being miles and miles away. Sometimes I think I shouldn't cross into the sexting territory with him to protect myself.

But also, it's so fun. No one has ever made me feel as sexy as he does. Any advice? Welcome. And also, I would just love to hear about your general sexting thoughts, experiences.

Oh, man. It's choosing the moment over the reality. Like, you know this is a pattern of addiction, right? Not that I'm not calling this person an addict, but this is what happens where it's like, oh, my gosh, but this is so fun. I love this so much.

I've never felt so good. I've never. So I'm picking this even though, yes, what comes with it is a sense of, like. But I don't actually have anything real here, which hurts. So this is hard to say.

I think it's a band aid. And I think you have to stop with this person. Okay, so I had a sexting event. Oh, my God. I think I may have told you about this.

B
It was this guy that, like, I met at a coffee shop. And we had this, like, five hour conversation. It was great. And then he was like, let's go get dinner. And then called me that morning was like, by the way, I'm engaged.

Oh, remember him? Like. But it was like, we're breaking up. And, like, we're already living separately. But I want to let you know that, like, I'm still kind of, like, undoing this thing.

And I was, like, so bummed. But then I was like, okay, I guess let's still get dinner. And then it just devolved into, like, us being in touch, but it taking, like, way longer. I thought, okay, this will be a few weeks or something. But yeah, it took a few months.

And then it was Christmas, and then I was home and he was home, and then we were texting, and then it just turned into sexting. And it was like, so fun because we've talked about this, like, Christmas crutches, but in this case, it was like Christmas sexting. Like, I was, like, having fun. Yeah, yeah. But then I would immediately feel kind of, not immediately feel bad, but I eventually felt, yeah, like, oh, I feel.

A
Like, yeah, I know what you mean. Used. But use isn't the right word because you're consenting. You're consenting and you're engaging and you enjoy it, but it's just like, oh, that wasn't real intimacy. That's like, what ends up happening, I think.

And if you're in a certain mind set or is a certain person, that can just be totally fun, right? And, like, totally fine. But I think often if you wish there was something more. Exactly. And then it's just the reality that, like, oh, this, it can't be.

B
That's the difference. It can be so fun. I've done it in relationships. And, like, you don't get sad, but. You also probably don't get the same high.

A
It's all part and parcel. The reason it feels so good is you're getting a hit of something you can't really have, but you feel like you have it in the moment, which is why then it's like a ten, and then you're like, oh, yeah. And then you're at ode two. Yeah, it's great if you don't want more, but maybe with this friend, there's a part of you that does. But then I also want to say, who cares?

B
Sometimes it's hard, especially as a woman living in a patriarchal society of, like, what is true and what have I, like, kind of internalized. Sometimes I don't even want more with a guy, for example, but just because he doesn't, I'll feel right and I'm like, wait, I don't even. But you can go immediately to shame or rejection, rejection or feeling like there's something embarrassing or lesser because you're engaging sexually when, like, there's nothing wrong with that, and that's totally normal and beautiful. So sometimes I think there's some patriarchal programming in there, too. Again, I don't know this person in their situation.

But there might be also part of you that, like, feels this is kind of self imposed shame as opposed to from the actual act, how you're interpreting it as opposed to how it's landing. But I think sexing is great if you do it on signal. I worry about sending things when people do that. I think it's very brave because people are nuts out there. But I think it's really positive.

A
If you feel good, there's nothing wrong with anything unless you're feeling pain from it and it sounds like you are. I think it's understanding. The reason it feels so good is part of this, and it might be worth taking a step back and seeing how you feel. Or afterwards, you could do your own self care instead of cuddling with someone. You could, I think, sex with Emily.

B
In her book, she talks about every morning she'll masturbate, meditate, manifest that it's a part of a self care thing where she kind of uses the post, I guess, masturbation glow. So you could put on some really nice music. You could take a warm bath. You could use your neck tech shot to massager. There's things that you could do for yourself afterwards to, like, take care of yourself.

I don't know if it replaces the sad, but you don't need someone else to do those things necessarily, for sure. But everyone is so different because I had a one night stand with this person, and he was super hot, and I was excited, and it was, like, fun enough. It was fun, but that's why it was only fun enough for me. Because then he leaves, and then I'm just like, all right, here I am. That does not feel good to me.

A
I did talk to my therapist about it, of course, and she was like, yeah, that's so normal for so many people like that. You personally, Monica, don't get anything from that. Right? And a lot of people do, which is amazing. Great.

I wish, but I don't. And so you have to know you. Right. Anyway. Okay.

Oh, my gosh. Okay. Oh, wow. This is amazing. Oh, I love this engagement ring question update from Elizabeth.

Hi, Monica and Liz. First of all, I want to say that y'all answering my question about how I hated my engagement ring was one of the highlights of my 2023. I was on the stair climber at the gym when I heard and had to contain myself. But on a real note, you two made me feel so validated and brave enough to say something thing. Here is the update.

After five years together, I ended the relationship in December. I had been lying to myself and the people who care about me for over a year, lying in bed, awake at night, not able to sleep. We were not the great couple that I was projecting out into the world. I won't go into it. But he didn't consider me.

And when I saw that silver heart ring, I knew in the depths of my soul that this wasn't meant to be. So I ended my life as I knew it. I have since turned 30, moved to a new city, and into my very first apartment by myself. It's hard to put into words what this experience has been like. On one hand, it's been devastating.

On another hand, I'm finally learning what it means to respect myself and have self worth. So this message goes out to all of the women out there who know in their guts that it isn't meant to be. It won't get better. You're not asking for too much, and you deserve to feel considered, loved and be seen. I'm still very much in the thick of starting my whole life over, but I can finally sleep again, which gives me hope that it truly was for the best and that good things are coming.

If you have any advice for starting your whole life over at 30, I'm all ears. But either way, I hope that my story gives those women an unhappy relationships. Courage we don't have to settle. Oh, my God. I am, like, crying.

I know. Oh, my God. That's the most amazing thing I've ever heard. That's incredible. Elizabeth, congrats to you for taking your life into your hands.

B
Wow. Oh, my God. Wow. You are such a badass. Yeah, good for you.

Good for you. That's such a common thing. I have a friend who's been in a relationship for, like, a really long time. Very, very close couple. They've lived together.

And then a couple weeks ago, she was like, for five years, I haven't been able to sleep. I'm not in love with him. And I've been like, you have never told me. It's very similar where you just kind of feel like it's your fault. Yes.

A
You're lying to yourself as much as you're lying to everyone else. Yes. And you internalize what's not working in the relationship as if you can fix it, and it's up to you, and you just have to settle or accept things that are not acceptable. And I think it's so brave and so cool when women do it and talk about it. Cheryl strayed does dear sugar.

B
And, like, I remember one of her columns, someone had written in and said, you know, I don't know if I should end this relationship. And Cheryl straight was just like, do the thing that you already know is true. When someone does come with that question of should I be staying? There's no shoulds, you know? Exactly.

And if you think that you should, that's already an indicator that you're imposing. Other people's ideas of what life should look like. Exactly. Or how you should feel. There's no way you should feel.

There's just a way that you do feel. Right. Exactly. Oh, my God. Wow.

A
This is incredible. And also, I will say you're 30. 30 is so young and dodged a bullet. Your life is starting. Regardless of this person.

30 is when life starts. It's true. It was perfect timing, I think, to start again. And I'm so excited for you. You are incredible.

I hope you feel it and know it. How wonderful. I have chills. And to your point, I think in your thirties is when you really know yourself and get comfortable with yourself and advocate for yourself. And I think it's the perfect time to.

What a great life. Choose where you want to live, choose who you want to be with. And now you're starting this new chapter with so much more information, so much more knowledge about what you are willing to accept. It's going to inform whatever happens next. You're empowered in a new way.

So cool. Who would have thunk it? I'm going to be happy all week just thinking about her. Well, I think we'll end on that high. Wow.

Incredible. Thank you guys so much for continuing to write in. We love your questions. Please, please, please keep submitting. We have a lot of great ones.

We're so lucky and enjoy our products. Go out, purchase these products if you want. Give these products. Let us know how it lands. Yeah.

And we'll see you next week. Bye.

Synced: Indian Summer

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction

2: Dating Dynamics

3: Personal Anecdotes

4: Reflecting on Relationships

5: Closing Thoughts

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

Content Warnings:

Transcript