Sebastian Maniscalco

Dan Shepard
Welcome, welcome, welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Minnie Mouse. Hi, there. This is a gentleman I've been wanting to have on for quite some time.

I find him so funny. Very funny. Sebastian Maniscalco. Sebastian Meniscalco is a record breaking stand up comedian and actor. He's got a hit show.

He's got a world record setting comedy tour. He's a beast. He's at the top of the pyramid for stand ups. So fun. So fun.

And, boy, did I get to experience his hysterical. Just the moment in this episode when he goes, what's with the spray? I was like, oh, I got menoscalcod. Yeah, you did. His credits include bookie, if unfrosted out right now, the super Mario Brothers movie somewhere in Queens.

He has a new tour starting in July. You have to go see him live. The tour is called it ain't right, and you can get tickets for that@sebastianlive.com. now, also, before we go, we have armchair anonymous prompts. We got a big batch.

Minnie Mouse
This is covering two months time, so buckle up. Get a pen and paper. One of these prompts may apply to you. Mm hmm. They are as follows.

Dan Shepard
Tell us your best dad story. Now, we've been collecting dad stories as we get other stories. Yeah. In fact, we met two gals that had the same dad. That was so fun.

Those stories crazy. So, in time for father's day, tell us your best dad's story. Tell us your best parent teacher conference story. Is that from teachers or parents? Or even you can go either way.

Yeah. If something insane happened at a parent teacher conference and you were a parent, that would be fine, too. Great. Yeah. Like, if the teacher you were talking to was, like, smoking a doobie during it or something, who knows what could happen?

Minnie Mouse
Fingers crossed. Tell us about an embarrassing sex experience. Sorry, guys. Still a pervert. Tell us about a near death experience.

Dan Shepard
Tell us about a time you pooped yourself. Tell us a crazy beach story. Summer's upon us. Summertime. We want to get in the mood with some crazy beach stories.

So if you have a crazy story for any one of those prompts, please go to armchair expertpod.com and submit your story. We would love to talk to you about it. Please enjoy. Sebastian. We are supported by Squarespace.

Guys, we have a Squarespace website that, it's just gorgeous. That wabi wab, you built that yourself using all the templates? Yeah, I sure did. Yeah. Easy peasy.

So easy. The best part about Squarespace is it's an all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online, you can get discovered fast with integrated, optimized SEO tools, and you can choose from professionally curated layouts and styling options with Squarespace blueprint. Plus, you can kickstart or update written content on any website, product description or email. With Squarespace AI, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code Dax. We are supported by Taco Bell.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, man. We often do two recordings a day, and we have this little nice lunch break that we enjoy, and we're always craving something really yummy. Yes. Something fresh, something high quality. Something like the all new cantina chicken menu from Taco Bell, which is exactly that.

Mm. It's so yummy. It has slow roasted chicken, the pico that purple cabbage, and an avocado verde salsa sauce. Oh, delicious. Outrageous.

Dan Shepard
The new cantina chicken tacos, burrito, and quesadilla are the perfect daytime choice. Try the new cantina chicken menu at Taco Bell. Now he's an armchair expert.

Sebastian Maniscalco
He's an archer expert.

Dan Shepard
How are you, brother? Good to meet you, man. How are you? What a sexy machine you brought over here. Oh, yeah, that's my sexy machine.

What do you think of that? I've had it for a while. It's been, what, 17? But I got two small kids. Seven years.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah. I feel like that's kind of responsible for a man of your means. You and I both know you could have any number of vehicles. I'm a modest man. Are you?

Yeah. I don't like to buy a lot. I like to do experiences. That's good. And was that learned or that's your natural disposition?

Dan Shepard
I grew up next to Robby Rob. Hometown? Northwest suburbs of Arlington Heights. Everyone will think you're from Queens. That's gotta be a common.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Common. But that's the Italian in you, right? That's the immigrant dad. Yeah. He's staying with me right now for ten days.

Dan Shepard
Where do you live? I live in Los Angeles. Oh, okay. I can't believe I've never bumped into. I know that.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Well, I. Go ahead. Are you on the west? No. You know where there could have been an incredible bump in.

Dan Shepard
Now that I've learned about you. I could have been at a junket at the Four Seasons. You could have in your. What would we call that? Your duration there?

Sebastian Maniscalco
My time frame? Yes, 90. Cause you were there to 2005. Yeah. You lived at the four Seasons.

Dan Shepard
He was a waiter at the four Seasons. Oh, great. I knew you would like that. Dude, I. Do you love that?

Sebastian Maniscalco
Seven years. That was seven years. Okay, so. But besides that, like, that's a possibility. Cause first movie I was ever in came out 2004.

Dan Shepard
So I did do some junkets there. Was it without a paddle? Without a paddle. When was the Dane Cook movie? That was 0606.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Okay, so around that time, yeah. Okay, back to you by experiences. Did you have to learn that? Did you go buy a bunch of flashy shit and then go like, huh? No, no, no, that was just upbringing.

Cause in my world I always think it's going away. Oh, well, duh. My therapy this morning was singularly about when will the amount of money happen where I'm not terrified. Cause I've passed the number. I told myself I would not be terrified anymore.

Dan Shepard
Many times. Yeah. And then nothing's helping. Do you have that? Yeah.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So are you ever content? Are you ever satisfied with where you are at professionally or is it just a game? We just, oh, you know, gotta get the next podcast out before people don't think we're around anymore. Before they realize, yeah, even deeper, they catch us, they realize we ain't shit and that I don't deserve their attention. Yeah, it's hard.

Dan Shepard
And you know, I bet you and I have some of the same scar tissue as well because you were out here for a fucking minute. As was I. I moved here in 95 and that first movie we're talking about is 2004. So when you're 20 and that's a third of your life, you're not getting shit done. It's scarring.

Sebastian Maniscalco
No, it is. Is it gonna happen? When is it gonna happen? So you go through all those different ups and downs as you're building it, but once you get to a certain level and you're like, okay, I'm here. Now what?

I mean, what are we doing here? What's the game? I got two small kids, I got a six year old, I got a four year old. If I keep doing this the way I'm doing, am I gonna look back when they're 19 years old going, what was I doing in Montana? Yeah, why'd you do 200 dates?

Yeah. So it's a struggle I deal with. I think it's harder for you, it has to be harder for you, because implicit in your job is you're traveling. Yeah, this is a hack. It's in my backyard.

Dan Shepard
I don't even have to go on a movie set anymore and I have two little kids. I imagine it weighs on you. It does. So doing this, we gotta get into the Jordans, too? Cause I love the whole thing on Jordans.

Okay, great. I can't wait to hear it. As long as we're there. Yes. It just popped in my head.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I addressed this about two months ago. How old is too old to be. Wearing Jordans, by the way? We had this debate about twelve episodes ago. Oh, you did?

Dan Shepard
Yeah. When? Do I look like a fucking dumbass already? Maybe you'll answer this for me, but is that what your inquiry was as well? I'm 50.

Yeah. I'm 49. Okay, so what are those, the fours? Two. Threes.

Threes. Threes. Okay. And I grew up in Chicago, so I had a pair of Jordans when I was in 6th grade. $50 used off a truck.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Oh, this was. They were 100. We're the same age. You go to foot locker, they were 100. In fact.

Dan Shepard
Yes. In my very first pair were fives and they were 110. And my mother said, I'll only get those for you if you can talk the guy down to dollar 99 at foot Locker, which they don't even fucking. But I had to do that. And I did.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I don't know if fifty's hanging in my head for some reason. So low, Sebastian for 19. What? Well, I guess you're comparing 86 or. I don't know.

Dan Shepard
Tell me, what year is 6th grade for you? Jordan's came out in 1986. Well, I'll go with that. Sure. My first pair was 93, so I guess they could have doubled, but, boy, that would be something.

Sebastian Maniscalco
$50. I'm sticking with it. $50. We'll do some fact checking later. Okay, $50.

I have two pairs of Jordans. One I got as a gift. Currently. Not back in 18. Currently.

And I'm looking at myself in these things and I'm going, 50. You're like a grown individual. You have kids. Should you be walking around in 6th grade? Yeah.

Dan Shepard
Children's gym shoes. I'm assuming neither of us play much basketball. I don't play basketball at all, no. So I came across these. These are Jordans.

Okay. These are cool. These are Jordans. 23. All right.

Meaning the year 23 or his number. This is the 23rd Jordan they put out. That feels important. Cause his number was 23, it would think. But the guy I got these from, Joe over at complex sneakers, or complex not sneakers, whatever.

Minnie Mouse
It is some cool place. Cafeteria. Complex. Cafeteria. He's the shoe guy.

Sebastian Maniscalco
That's all the interviews with. Yeah, I've seen it. I saw Ben and Matt were on it. It was cool.

So I go, where does these land in the world? Of sneaker heads. He's like, not too many people have those because they're kind of ugly. Oh, okay. Wow.

I said, let me have them. This is perfect for me because I. Don'T want to walk around with what everybody's got. So that's my story on my particular pair of Jordans. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
Terminal uniqueness. Ugly. Yeah. Better to be in something ugly, but be the only one in it. That's it.

Minnie Mouse
Not a bad approach. That's my take. That's kind of my approach to cars. Not specifically ugly, but I got to be in something different. I can't be in a 911 at a street light looking next to me, and there's an agent in front of me with one and the director behind me.

Dan Shepard
I don't like it. Okay. Now, I don't know if I could talk about what I saw when I pulled up in your driveway. Please do. There is a.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I don't know what you call it, but it looks like it's an off road vehicle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There's a four seater razor right there. Now, are you the type that's gotta.

Dan Shepard
Get all the shiny shit? Yeah. Yes. Okay, so where you and I differ is that I didn't get those fucking Jordans in 6th grade. I got them in 11th grade when I had to haggle down the price.

So I coveted them. There were, you know, four years where I wanted them so bad. So I'm in Detroit doing an interview twelve years ago, and I'm talking to a guy, and God damn it, he's wearing brand new fours. And I'm like, holy shit. Did you keep those that nice?

And he goes, no, man, they sell them. I go, they sell the 93. He goes, yeah. And I'm like, how much are those? He's like, they're $130.

And I'm like, oh, my God, I've got $130. I'm like, you bought them on the Internet. I bought them in the interview. And the rush of poor kid done good was so euphoric that I was off to the races. And then every month, I had to buy a pair.

Cause there's so many good ones now. Two things I don't want you to file me into a category of spend spendthrift. Yeah. Spend thrift. Cause I'm not.

I'm actually really frugal. I gotta make a lot of money to the left. Cars are also his thing. I'm from Detroit. That's all I give a fuck.

That's the only reason I try to make money is for cars. I don't give a fuck about this house other than I can park my bus out front. You got a bus? Did you see when you pulled in? No.

You got hung up on the off road vehicle. There's a tour bus in the front yard. Oh, I didn't see the tour bus. We'll go through it on your way out.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Where does that come from? I go to the sand dunes. You saw the vehicle. Always rented motorhomes. Gotta rent one.

Dan Shepard
Gotta get a buddy to drive the trailer out. I gotta pack the shit all the time. We go four times a year. I need a fucking bus. Well, what are you worried about?

Sebastian Maniscalco
Money?

Minnie Mouse
It's kind of true. That's very astute. On this side, I'll tell you what, percentage of my income I'm actually spending. You might feel better. It's gross to say, but no.

Dan Shepard
I gotta have a lot of safety, and then I'll go and see splurge. But increasingly, that's why I asked if you came to it, because I have now come to it, which is really all I want is trips with my family. That's all I'm gonna remember. Yeah, it's only things actually pleasurable. The bus is pleasurable, but the family's in it.

We're out two weeks every summer. We're driving around the country in the bus so it works out. Okay. Back to. Where did I want to go back to?

Well, dad staying here, how often is he out? Comes maybe two or three times a year. 77 years old. He wants to come enjoy his grandkids. My sister's out here.

Sebastian Maniscalco
She's got three kids, so he's really enjoying his time. And he moved here when he was 15 from Italy. Yeah. And he's a hairdresser. He's a hairdresser.

Dan Shepard
So that to me, I've got an image of a seventies, eighties in Chicago. Hairdresser. Is there some natural flamboyance? No. Growing up, he was bald with a ponytail.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, cool. That's a lot. That might've been a giveaway. And he always dressed like he was going to a funeral. Oh.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So always in black. Very stylish. I borrowed my dad's clothes growing up. It's not like I had one of these dads who was a square. But I am wondering.

Dan Shepard
Cause so much of your comedy is about your dad. First of all, I'm a huge fan. I just love your shit. Also, I grew up on dice, and I missed the dice energy so much. And you certainly have some of that dice energy I love.

But so much of your comedy is about your dad, weirdly enough, when I did stand up, most of mine was about my dad, and I just know that had I gotten huge doing comedy, he would have loved it. He would have wanted to come experience it a little bit. Does your dad like the fact that he's so present in your comedy? He loves the fact that he's a staple in the act. He also loves kind of the residual effect it's having on his life since he's so prevalent on my instagram or what have you.

Sebastian Maniscalco
He gets noticed a lot. He actually gets upset when he feels like somebody recognizes him and they don't come up to him. So, listeners, if you ever see him, please go up. Yeah. You'd be inconveniencing him by not interrupting his dinner.

He was at the airport on his way over, and he's like, I noticed a couple looking at me, and I was upset that they didn't approach. I'm proud of you that you give that to your dad generously, and it's not a complex situation. So my dad left when I was three. As I got famous, he was enjoying, too. Like, I called him one time out of nowhere, middle of the day on a Wednesday, he picks up the phone and he goes, oh, good.

Dan Shepard
Tell this woman who you are hands the phone to a stranger. Who's this? She's like, no, who's this? I go, Dax. She goes, no way.

And I go, okay. Can you give the phone back to my dad? Yeah. Good thing you called. I'm in an argument with this woman at the Walmart checkout.

She says, you're not my son. I go, you're in the middle of the afternoon at Walmart having a fight with a woman about whether or not I'm your son. I got the show biz bug from him. He would have loved to have done this. I had a hard time a acknowledging.

I probably got all this from him and then, baby, inviting them in more. I regret that. I wish I had done that, but it sounds like you're good at that. My dad's always been kind of a critic of what I've been doing my entire life. We just actually were talking about this before I came here, and I don't know how you are with your kids.

Sebastian Maniscalco
You seem like a positive guy. Do you have kids? No, I don't. Okay, so. Oh, good job.

That type of affirming. Yeah. Supportive, you mean? Yeah. Well, I didn't grow up, really with that environment I grew up with.

If I scored two goals in soccer, he would point out it was never that compliment than constructive criticism. It was kind of always constructive criticism or just criticism. Yeah, it's nice of you to euphemize it on his behalf, but it doesn't sound like it. But he acknowledged. Now he's like, yeah, I probably could have massaged the message a little bit better, but then I always come back with, yeah, but if you did, would that have.

Dan Shepard
Where are you? Made me weaker and not who I am today. Are you still slinging hash at the Four Seasons? Bozo actors on their first movie junkie. Okay.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Hard to know what's right, what's wrong. I guess you gotta go on instinct. And, hey, this is what I know. But now having kids, I'm firm, but there's a lot of I love yous going around the house, and that's good. A lot of hugging, a lot of kissing.

Not that I was growing up. Not given those things. Well, aren't you italian supposed to be so affectionate? Was he affectionate? No, I think he's more emotional now than he ever was.

I always feel like he's on the brink of tears at any moment of the day, and I don't know, but. That'S getting older, dude. I am too now. I was bawling at my Gelson's, picking out fruit. I saw a fucking peach, made me cry.

I've always been emotional, and my wife is the complete opposite. We'd be watching a movie and I'll be the one crying. I look over and I'm like, nothing on this. The guy's dying. But I'm seeing a lot of that in my father now, in his 77.

And I think what happens with parents is they get older, they're reflecting back on their life, and maybe they're analyzing, maybe should have went. Went down this road, or maybe should have done that. And it brings up a lot of different turmoil for them. But you also have these moments, I'm sure your dad's having them where you just go like, oh, fuck, it worked out. Yeah.

Minnie Mouse
Release. Like, you just carry so much anxiety. Am I spending the money right? Am I on the road too much? Am I too loving?

Dan Shepard
Am I not? You're just tormenting yourself your whole life. And occasionally you let yourself go, like, yeah, it's working out. Look at these little beautiful kids. I wish I had more of those moments.

Did you say four and six? Yeah, it's gonna be seven tomorrow. I think they are smarter at this age than I ever was at their age. Just what they have access to. These kids nowadays are so much more well rounded than we ever were.

Sebastian Maniscalco
And that has a lot to do with the exposure to even information. Like, I was on the iPhone looking up stuff. Back in the day, if we didn't know something, you would talk as a family. Go, whom? I noticed Uncle Joe knows it.

He's on vacation. When he comes back, we'll ask him if you remember. Yeah, I know you were way more comfortable just not knowing much. Yes. There's a lot of wondering and being.

Dan Shepard
Comfortable and not knowing, which I think increasingly, people are so uncomfortable if they don't know something. Even if somebody tells me something, I ain't gonna remember it anyway. My memory. You're young, but, you know, you're 49. I'm doing this tv show right now, memorizing lines.

Bookie. Yeah. Season two. Some of the actors on it, they're looking. Yeah.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Okay, let's go. If somebody gives me lines going, we change the line. Hey, I need it another day. We need to shut it down. And I gotta go home again and.

Dan Shepard
Read this bedroom to learn this. You're on season two. How many episodes was season one? Eight. And this is eight.

I had a hard time in movies memorizing lines. It was a beat down. I had to write it out like I'd write it on yellow paper. I had all these tricks get on parenthood. First season, maybe.

I think 18 episodes, maybe 20. Season two, you could come in and hand me a five page scene while I'm in the makeup chair, and I'd look at it and I'm like, okay. You will get good at it. Yeah. I think it is definitely a muscle that needs to be worked.

Cause don't you find by episode seven last year, you're like, oh, yeah, half as long. We've been four weeks production right now. And I'm feeling. I'm hitting a stride. That being said, I feel like I transpose words and flip them around.

Sebastian Maniscalco
And when you're on a movie set or tv set, 150 people are waiting to go home. That's the hard part of acting. Yeah. Yeah. It's not acting.

Minnie Mouse
It's the stress of performing. And everyone's waiting for you and looking at you. It can be even harsher. You're gonna fail at your job five times en route to getting it right on the 6th time, and 100 people are gonna watch and they wanna go to lunch. Yes.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. It's a unique situation for a comedian doing this. It's hard not to look at the crew and go, is this funny? You know? Oh, sure.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Smiling. You're hearing crickets by design. Well, on purpose? Yeah, yeah. I'll catch the corner of my eye like a guy's texting.

I'm like, jesus Christ, you don't even want to watch? What, have you caught them watching another show? They're on their phone. Yeah. They're binge watching other shows while they're doing mine.

Dan Shepard
Watching a different Chuck Lorre show on young Sheldon. This kid knows his lines well. What was mom's vibe? My mother often asked me, where the hell am I? You know, you go on these podcasts.

Sebastian Maniscalco
You're not talking about me. Mom. Here we are. Yeah. My mom is not as big of a character as my father, so there's not a lot of comedy there with her.

Although she's extremely funny and she's the one. I don't say test my material, but if I'm talking about a funny story and my mom is dying laughing, I kind of know. That's gold. Yeah. So my mom has been extremely supportive.

Both of them have been supportive, but she's kind of been the quiet one. Not so much coming up to me after a show going, you screwed up a line. Still honest. Can I test some of my italian stereotypes on you? Sure.

Dan Shepard
I had a very limited data set where I grew up, but my best friend in 6th grade was Joey Riccardi and his dad was a bricklayer. He was fucking Luigi. Hardest working motherfucker. Bought a Bertone. Remember, he wanted a Ferrari, but he bought a Bertone.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Bertone. Is that a shoe or a car? I haven't even heard of that. I don't know what that is either. He was one of the designers for Ferrari and he made more of an inexpensive italian car.

Dan Shepard
But I heard later he did get the Ferrari, but great family. Four sisters, Joey Riccardi, the mom, always cooking. I loved going over there. The way they were allowed to speak to their mother was like something I had never seen in my life. And the way the mom doted on Joey was also something I never really observed outside of that microcosm.

Did mom dote on you? She did, but rabble attest. Northwest suburbs of Chicago, lot of negativity. What brand of negativity? Just, like, did a movie.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah. Anybody see it? Oh, like nagging. Kind of the friends, everybody. I'm from a Detroit suburb.

Dan Shepard
It's the same thing. Boston's got it particularly bad. It's the, you think you're better than me? Chip on their shoulder. Is that what it is?

Yeah. Oh, you think you're fucking better than me? Oh, you were in a movie, huh? That's cute. Yeah.

Minnie Mouse
It's like taking everyone down a notch. Yes. It's required. It's required learning. Back in the northwest suburbs, it's taken as a joke and fun.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I get it. It's not like I'm sitting there losing sleep over it. But there's not a lot of complimentary. Good job. You made it.

My mom, she's always proud. I'm talking about just the people that you kind of grew up with. Not that they're not proud, but we always kind of break. Well, no, they're super proud when you're not there. Yeah, exactly.

Dan Shepard
It's just when you're there. Well, I gotta tell you, when I'm there, I think they're proud because no one's paying for anything. They're grateful you're there. I got my friends now. They don't even bring out a wallet.

Sebastian Maniscalco
When I go out, I go. Not even an offer? Yeah. Has that changed relationships? I haven't had anybody ask for money.

Dan Shepard
You haven't? No. Everybody's got their own thing. And if I see somebody that might need it, I'll give it to them before they even. You offer it up.

Sebastian Maniscalco
But I haven't had the money thing. What was that? Nicotine.

You can't just shoot something in your mouth in the middle of the thing. And not like. Now, listen, Sebastian, this is an improvement. I quit dipping on January 1, and half the people I interview, half are you, half are professors. And they'd be sitting across from me and they'd spend half the interview, he's spitting into that container.

Dan Shepard
What did he just put in his mouth? I'd run through half a tin in one of those interviews and it would be like a chief justice of the Supreme Court trying to figure out what the fuck I'm doing over here. So this is an improvement. Squirts a day. Whatever it takes.

Did you ever smoke? No. Never smoked, never dipped. None of that drinking. What's your relationship?

Sebastian Maniscalco
I like wine. Like a nice vino. But, you know, you listen to these podcasts in Huberman lab, Instagram, you go on, everybody's gotta take on alcohol, poison. You lose sleep. Then you get caught up in all this, which we never even had access to 1520 years ago.

You just went to sleep and you didn't sleep well. You were like, oh, what the. I just had a bad night's sleep. Yeah, my back hurts. It's true.

Minnie Mouse
You didn't spend the next whole day thinking, oh, beating yourself up a glass of wine. And that's why I didn't sleep. Cause you didn't optimize yourself. I had a couple glasses of wine last night. Apparently, I'm stealing hours now from today.

Sebastian Maniscalco
What the fuck? What? I got a sleep ring on. Because now I gotta know how much deep rem sleep I'm getting. I don't even do anything with the information, though.

You know what I'm saying? Do you sleep ring it or calorie intake? My wife has done all of it. The best version of myself just doesn't say anything about it. But occasionally it comes and I go do exactly what you just said.

Dan Shepard
What are we doing with this data? Are we sending it to NASA? We know what to do. Go to sleep, eat well, move your body. Why do we have to introduce all these different devices to reinforce.

Every one of us knows what the fuck to do. Nobody's literally scratching their head right now at Dairy Queen on their third blizzard going, wait a minute. Is this not the best choice for me? We know. Yeah, we know what to do.

Sebastian Maniscalco
It's just, you feel like you have. To quantify your whole existence. Monitor. You have a ring on. Yeah.

So this is the aura sleep ring that I look at in the morning. I get up in the morning, I was like, oh, look, I slept. At what score do you average? I'm in the low seventies. Okay.

Dan Shepard
We can live with that. My ideal world, I should be around 82, 85. I don't even know what that is. What does it mean? Yeah, what a bizarre gap you just laid out 82 or 85.

What a fucking perverted goal. I think 85, you get a crown. All the things. Okay, but I was talking about a friend, and my friend still does it, and he hates it. Charlie gets like a fucking 40.

And so all this thing does is you wake up and you look at it and you go, oh, I'm gonna have a shit day. It's like a self fulfilling prophecy. Yeah, well, I don't necessarily look at it like that. My wife does. That's why she doesn't look at it in the morning, she looks at it at night.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So she goes, okay, yeah, I had a great day. But my sleep score was 53, so doesn't correlate. This doesn't mean much me. First thing I do is it's like a game to me. It's like, you know, I look at my stocks in the morning.

What's going on here? Do you own a lot of stock? Yeah, I invest in the stock market. So, yeah, I'm well diversified. Do you play wordle or connections?

No, I don't play any games. See, when Monica and I wake up. First thought is connections. Yeah. What's that?

Dan Shepard
New York Times. It's got a game app, a puzzle app. The crosswords on there, spelling bees on there. One of them is called connections. We just got into it.

It is 20 words. No, 20. No. Yes. Oh, 20.

Yeah. Five categories of four words that go. Oh, no, you're right. 16. Four and four.

Four and four. And it's a random group of words, and you gotta figure out which four. Go in each category, which group together. Like Royal Navy, baby. Sky.

Sky. What do we got? You play against each other? No, we're on a chain. And so you do it, and then you send it to the chain.

You send your results to the chain. Oh, okay. That's really fun. Yeah.

All right. I want to go back to Illinois. So you weren't allowed to yell at your mom, were you? I guess that's what I'm getting at. Oh, yeah.

Sebastian Maniscalco
No, I was yelling.

I mean, it wasn't disrespectful, but, you know. Are we sure? It's a loud house. It's loud. Would the wasps have thought it was disrespectful?

No. My house was the house that everybody came to, to hang out. So my parents were part of our clique almost. I wasn't a combative kid. I was very disciplined.

I thought my parents were king and queen. I do what they say. I'm not rebellious. I, like, raised myself with them. My sister was a little different.

Dan Shepard
Older or younger? Five years younger. A little bit more like. Yeah. Like, my dad one day asked my sister, go give me a.

Sebastian Maniscalco
We call it pop in the. Go give me a pop in the garage. She's like, well, you go get it. You know, one of those. And my dad went, what?

So a lot more combative on the sister's side. But our house was like, the house. Look, you have children who yell at their parents. That's true. That is allowed.

I'm not into that, but I want to get your take. Cause I see this sometimes. I'm at the grocery store, right? Kids getting out of line. No, mom, not doing it.

And then howing from the parents, like, it's okay, Johnny. In my house, first of all, that doesn't go on. If there was a hint of it, it'd be like, I'll leave the groceries right there. We're leaving, and we get in the car, and we're gonna have a discussion about it. You don't talk to your parents that way, and it's disrespectful.

What's your take out of your kids mouth and off. Well, let's be very clear about what happens. So, first of all, I think Monica would also add, my kids are insanely good at going. I'm really sorry. When you said that, I felt smaller and I felt like no one respects what I'm saying, but I realize I overreacted and I shouldn't have yelled and I'm sorry.

Minnie Mouse
That's correct. They do do that. So as long as that's where we're getting. All I'm hoping to turn out into the world is two kids that can take responsibility for their actions. I do not expect them to have ideal reactions all the time, but what is absolutely unacceptable in my house is that you don't clean up your side of the street and that you don't take responsibility for fucking.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Got it. So, yeah, I'll be upstairs and I hear cereal bowl drop. And I'll hear, yo, fucking piece of shit. This is a nine year old talking to an eleven year old. And I think, man, she can let it rip.

Dan Shepard
And then we talk about it, and then there's apologies. Now, listen, it's not all that frequent, but I'm not panicked. I don't really care. Their words. It's a way to communicate.

The nuns aren't clutching their pearls. They're also not doing it to teachers. They're kind, they're loving. And yeah, sometimes they blow. Okay, let me go ahead, clarify.

Okay. Is the behavior between the siblings or is a bowl drop and your daughter to your wife goes, you fucking. What are you doing, you shithead? No. Okay, this one just went.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah, that happens too. Her face is betraying her. You weren't supposed to say that out loud. Yeah, you're not a good side hire. Okay.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah. Like, if you and I now know, if you and I ever become friends, and we're at a table with someone says super bozo, and I look at you and I raise my eyebrows, you're gonna put me on blast immediately. So you've just now absolutely ruled out the fact that we will ever have inside communication? Okay, okay. Okay.

Dan Shepard
Now just really quick so I can clarify. And I think you'll agree on this, Monica. Once every two months, it's always the nine year old. The nine year old and my wife have a disagreement. It escalates.

It escalates. And as she's walking away, she lets a few swear words rip. It's not every day, it's not habitual. It gets to that threshold. It's the only thing left she can do.

To really express how outraged she is. She's also my favorite part, by the way. There's no kowtowing. There's no, like, oh, I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry you're upset.

There's none of that. It's go chill. Come back in ten when you got your heart rate under control, and let's chat about what just happened. Cause clearly we're not talking to each other that way. Wife and you on the same page.

Sebastian Maniscalco
And a lot of the upbringing. Yeah. Was this just by design, or is this, like. Oh, yeah, no, she grew up kind of the same way I grew up. No, it's been a huge evolution, and it has taken many years, and I'm dying to know what you and your wife.

Dan Shepard
Lana. Lana. Yeah. What your evolution has been. I did not want to be a dad who, like, rolls in at dinner time, and there's a whole system in place, and I just stay out of the way.

I want ownership of the experience, and my wife and I are opposites, and we came from very opposite families. And she went to a private catholic school. I'm a fucking scumbag junkie with a single mom. And it was chaos. So I have a thing.

She's got a thing. Over time, it has gotten very cohesive, and we're very much on the same page, and it was a learning curve. How about you guys? So I'm the disciplinarian. My wife comes from completely different background.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I come from working middle class. She comes from very wealthy. So her upbringing was a lot of whatever you want, whatever you need. Semester at sea. Oh, wow.

Studying on a boat. Going to visit 13 countries. Right? Oh, wow. Sleepaway camp.

Dan Shepard
Horse riding. Not so much horse riding, only because she wasn't interested. It was probably offered part of the. Package, one of the amenities. So a lot of racket, sport, a lot of that.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So it works in a way, because she's very nurturing, very. Hey, you know what's wrong? I'm a little bit more aggressive and firm, so it's a good balance there.

Dan Shepard
Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. We are supported by Squarespace. Guys, we have a Squarespace website that. It's just gorgeous. That wabiwab, you built that yourself using all the templates?

Yeah, I sure did. Yeah. Easy peasy. So easy. The best part about Squarespace is it's an all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

You can get discovered fast with integrated, optimized SEO tools, and you can choose from professionally curated layouts and styling options with Squarespace blueprint. Plus, you can kickstart or update written content on any website, product description or email with Squarespace AI, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code Dax, we are supported by Betterhelp. Listen, I understand that sometimes you want to keep things to yourself, process your emotions in your own time, but if you keep everything bottled up, it can have some serious consequences. I have therapy on Saturday. I'm really looking forward to it.

I had therapy this morning. Yeah, you did. Yeah. And it put me in the greatest mood. We had a long, big day, and I just felt much better for having.

Minnie Mouse
You work not to out you. You were a little grumpy going in. I was. I was. I was.

Dabes, Bob and I received some texts. Yeah, I was locked out of my therapy setting, which is this attic. But then you felt much better after. I felt much better, and I even made some apologies. Talking things out can be so helpful.

Dan Shepard
And if you want a safe space for that conversation, I recommend therapy. Check out betterhelp. If you've been thinking of trying therapy, it's entirely online, convenient, and flexible. It's also easy to get started. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist.

You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason, for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with betterhelp. Visit betterhelp.com dax today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H dash e dash p.com dax.

We are supported by sleep number. Mattresses can be a pretty big purchase. It's kind of like a home you and your partner have to shop around for one that you'll both love that's comfortable and suited to your preferences. Well, I'm about to make your lives a whole lot easier. Instead of hopping around from store to store, just check out sleep numbers.

Smart beds. They're designed for you and your partner's ever evolving sleep needs. When you see it, it you'll know it's the one. I mean, this just changed the lives of my bride and I. The fact that we didn't have to compromise on the firmness of the mattress and the fact that it can evolve as we evolve is incredible.

Sleep number is great because it's all about what you need. You can adjust the firmness to your ideal settings on each side, perfect for couples. The smart beds respond and adjust to your movements throughout the night to help you sleep better. My sleep number is an 85. Whether you need something with more support or something to help quiet the snores, sleep number has you covered.

JD Power ranks sleep number one in customer satisfaction with mattresses purchased in store and now save 50% on the sleep number limited edition smart bed for a limited time for JD Power 2023 award information, visit jdpower.com awards only at a sleepnumber store or sleepnumber.com dot.

Sebastian Maniscalco
But one thing that I did read in preparation for this podcast, and I gotta get your take on this because we're on two opposite ends of the spectrum here and I wanna clarify. Oh, this is great. If this is true, let's dance. Santa Claus. Oh, yeah, I heard you on Kimmel railing about this.

Dan Shepard
So go ahead, lay out your Santa Claus. Your child asked if Santa Claus was real and you said, it's different than that. What is the story? So I get the story is like, okay, Santa's coming. Whatever age that is where you can actually have that conversation.

Maybe it's three. Three years old. Yeah, like zero to just. There's presents under the tree. Yeah, yeah.

And they're okay, right? They're not introducing Santa. Gotcha. Here is the lore. So, yeah, Santa's coming, I think around three.

And she's like, oh, cool, cool, cool. Next day it was like, how does Santa go to every house in the world in one night? I'm like, okay, so, you know, he's on a sleigh. It's magic. Time travels differently.

He goes at the speed of light, you know, whatever the hell I'm saying. I'm looking at her little face and she's like, none of that makes sense. None of that makes sense. What you just said to me. And I'm like, huh?

That felt a little weird. I'm looking directly in her face and I've just made up like five fucking weird lies. But I let that go. I want her to have the magic of Christmas. Two days later, there's another really good question.

So he's gonna come down the chimney, there's gonna be a man in the house. And then what? Does he look at us? Does he do this? Does he walk through the house?

What I realized within about a week of explaining Santa Claus was that I had to come up with about twelve other lies to justify this fairy tale. What I saw was the best part of my child, her critical thinking going, this smells. The person she trusts the most is saying, ignore that and trust me. And I'm like, I'm out. I told my wife, I'm like, I can't do this.

Then it'll be fucking elf on the shelf. Don't touch the elf. He'll die at the North Pole. Why? To test your purity of temptation?

The apple and the fucking tree. And we're in Eden. And I realized the whole thing is the foundation to buy into the other big one. That I don't do, and probably you do. There's this guy.

He's his son and his dad. He created the earth in seven days. The earth is 4000 years old. It's all a primer. If you ignore all your critical thinking and all your good, smart senses you'll get this huge reward on the 25th.

I also find it a little repugnant that you would need leverage over your child. You know, he's watching you. Shame, sin. You won't deserve it. You'll be denied this.

Minnie Mouse
Some people get coal. I mean, the whole thing is madness. And jump to one last thing is my final point. It they like Christmas exactly as much as I did. You wake up, there's fucking presents galore.

Dan Shepard
The trees lit up. The house is decorated. It smells good. We're eating good food. We gather around.

We were thoughtful. We bought each other's stuff. We're sharing our family. It's beautiful. Santa was kind of irrelevant.

I wouldn't have guessed that. I'm like, I want them to have what I have. It's just as good. But I'm not. 36 lies deep into it.

Minnie Mouse
It's a pretty. I like the argument. Rebuttal? No, I'm not gonna break it down. And I agree with what you said.

Sebastian Maniscalco
You're lying on top of lies to perpetuate this. Little faces trying to compute what you're telling. I mean, at three, to be thinking that way is pretty advanced. So I gotta tell you, what we did. I do it.

Dan Shepard
I'll support it no matter what it is. Wait, can I say that to be really clear? People will hear that and think I'm judgmental. Them? I don't give a fuck what anyone's doing.

I don't think what I'm doing is right. I think what I'm doing is right between me and my two girls. Yeah. Yeah. That's great.

Sebastian Maniscalco
This is the problem I got, okay? My daughter comes up to me and goes, I think you and mommy are putting the shit under the tree. And she said, shit. And I think you're hiding the eggs now. I'm like, why would you think.

Dad? Come on. Daddy don't got time to do that, right? Oh, yes, he does. I go, are you hearing this at school, that's where I jumped to, you gotta find a ref.

She goes, oh, well, you know. And she kind of alluded to the fact that this was going around school. So I leave crying.

I go to my wife, and I said, on this mother thread, you're on, see who's talking shit on Santa. I wanna figure out what's what. Sure enough, one of the women says. Kristen Bell. My husband refuses to go with this.

Minnie Mouse
Sorry. I told my kid that there was no sin. I couldn't lie to them. Okay. That's what the other parent said.

Dan Shepard
Yeah, yeah. So that kid now is coming to school and spoiling it for the rest. Now, if you want to do that at your home, that's fine. Can I tell you something? Yeah.

The immediate next thing I said is, you are not to tell anyone this. Other people enjoy it. Other people believe in stuff. Other people believe in God. Other people believe in Jesus.

That's not our business in this house. I'm telling you the truth, and it stays in here. So, just so you know, I don't want my kids going in room. So that's what was happening in my situation. Yeah, it's no good.

They made the decision for you. It's not cool. Not cool. And I get your take on this. I go, we gotta restore Santa.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Santa's gotta get back up in this house. We need a big bit of proof right now. So I'm at a party with a Santa Claus, talking to the Santa, and I tell him I was Santa. My kid don't believe anymore. Wait, I should clarify.

Dan Shepard
Do you believe in Santa? Like, did you think you're my dreams for shit? So, Santa, here's the fucking head scratcher. So tell her to Santa at this party that this is what's going on at school. He goes, I offer a service.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I said, what? He goes, I'll come to your house Christmas Eve. How much? Well, that's the first question I asked. Of course.

Dan Shepard
Was this gonna set me back? Lana, get this guy's number and let's call him. See what this is gonna cost. $300. This fucking guy comes, hold on a second, okay?

I think I'd prefer to spend a grand in this situation. You're not looking for a bargain for a dude coming in your house in. The middle of the night.

So this Santa starts at $800. $600. I can't pay you $400. Fine. Take the $300.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Spray it up, spray it up.

Long story short. 1130. Christmas Eve. 1130. What?

Minnie Mouse
I want to hear it, 1130. This guy shows up drunk and his suit, the whole thing. Wake up. Our daughter san is here. Oh, God.

Like, in the chimney. Under the tree. He's huddling under the tree. Presents. Under the tree.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I wake up my daughter. Oh, no. He's in the living room. Right. I go to get my son.

He could care less. Give your camera. Yeah. You gotta play it all real like. Cause if Santa really did roll through, you're gonna try to get a picnic.

Okay, son. Don't want any part of it. He's tired. Goes back to bed. She sees him.

She lit up, right? Oh, my God. Santa. I go, come out. We gotta go back.

And it's restored. Wow. Okay. Now, okay. When she finds out, she finds out after this, not like I'm gonna be hiring Santa every year to come by, but I just didn't like the fact that that kid found out at home, told my kid and ruined it.

And we didn't say, hey, yeah, we're Santa. Yes. So she went back and she confronted that kid. Said he was in my house. No, I saw him.

Minnie Mouse
I saw him in my house. And now where. And now where we're at. Cause that girl's like, no, you didn't. I don't even know what happened at school.

Sebastian Maniscalco
This could cripple. This could cripple my kid's upbringing, minimally. It'll be brought up in some therapy session at 23, I think. And then the conclusion might be, my dad loved me so much, he invited a stranger into my house. A guy that only charges $300 a car coming your house at 1130.

Minnie Mouse
A deal my dad loves. Did you smell any booze on him or anything? Not any booze. But you haven't lived until you're outside in your slippers, peeling off $300 bills to Santa Claus at midnight.

Dan Shepard
Listen, I'm gonna throw another couple hundred in here. You know the Bromsteins? Yeah. They're jewish. I want you to fucking go in that house.

Sebastian Maniscalco
There's another thing, though. Go ahead. You know, growing up, we didn't have a lot of jewish people in our school. So everybody. Santa.

So now you got a lot of jewish people in the school. They must be going, Santa, don't come to our house. Yeah, tell me about it. It gets confusing. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
You know, we have a good friend who's from Venezuela, and they have the most hilarious thing, which is they don't get Santa, but they tell their kids it's cause it doesn't snow here. No, they have baby Jesus. Baby Jesus brings presents and stuff. They have, like, a completely different. But they're aware of Santa.

They know he exists in North Americana. But there's no snow down there, so he can't drive. That's a good one. Said you'd be very up for that. But Sebastian, you must consider, as the next holiday approaches, she'll be told again.

I mean, I can't even imagine this poor fight she's gonna be in on the playground trying to explain. No. Exactly what happens. And then the embarrassment that's gonna set in eventually. Is she armed with the picture?

Sebastian Maniscalco
You know what? My daughter is smart. I think she's pacifying us. Yeah, she probably knows. And she kinda knows.

She's seven. Tomorrow it's over. If it comes up again, we'll have to tell her. Listen, it ain't true, but make it true for your brother. Cause he's four.

Dan Shepard
Okay, let me ask you this, because the first time we pitched the Santa concept to her and it didn't go well, 2 seconds later, it's Easter. And I'm like, I'm willing to lie over Christmas, but to say there's an Easter bunny that came through the house. I mean, now we're talking about. That's crazy. Now we're talking about like a sentient Bunny who's full size.

It really strikes you at how mad it is. And by the way, it's not like we're honoring some 3000 year old tradition. This Easter bunny thing was probably invented in the sixties or something. The Easter Bunny. For me, I'm sitting there even though my four year old going, you ain't putting this shit together.

Sebastian Maniscalco
That there's a bunny walking around. Huge bunny baskets. Yeah. What is the bunny? It's not a normal bunny.

Dan Shepard
It's a full size human. Right. Yeah. And the fact that he's breaking into the house. Exactly.

Minnie Mouse
Well, and Santa does that. They're all right.

Dan Shepard
Entering through the chimney, big combat boots. He's been tracking you all year, I think. A lot of people don't even do that with Easter. They say, we're doing an egg hunt. Mommy and Daddy did the egg hunt.

Minnie Mouse
And Easter Bunny's just like a character. But because it's not as widespread. Not everyone's on the same page with the Easter Bunny. So I think it's the first one to go. Yeah.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I mean, in talking to you about this. Yeah, I see another perspective tunnel will go down. And I'm more enlightened than I was when I came in here. Wow. That's huge compliment.

Am I going to go explain that to my kids? Probably not. No. But at least I understand the other side of the coin coming in here. It was.

Dan Shepard
Let's be really honest, though. I want you to be really honest with me. Yeah. Cause I'm not totally unself aware. Like, I understand when you read a headline Kristen Bell and Nak shepherd aren't telling their kids about Santa Claus.

I'm in the real world. I'm like these idiot liberal Collie weirdos. Just get with the program, man. Like, I get it. So be dead honest about, like, when you heard that about me, what blanks did you fill in?

Sebastian Maniscalco
I put you with the person at my school that their kid now is going to tell everybody else at school. Right? Yeah. What? I didn't think about that.

You said to your kid is stays in the house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's what I missed. Yeah. I wish that were a part of a headline.

Yeah. I mean, it's not like I'm like, oh, look at this fucking asshole. I kind of might, though. I wouldn't vote you that mindset with the people that were doing that at the school. And I'm like, really?

Santa Claus is bad? No, I'm totally with you. This just happened. I was on Kimmel a couple weeks ago. I didn't even know this headline existed.

Dan Shepard
I'm pretty good at not knowing what's out there. And he brought up on the thing behind me. He's like, what about this article that came out after you interviewed Bradley Cooper? Well, when Bradley and I were talking, we were talking about the fact our daughters come in while we're taking a shit, and they just chat with us in the morning. And the whole time, I'm like, do you not fucking smell what's going on in here?

Like, how are you standing here? How does that not affect them bonding over? That's so weird. Your kids don't care. Of course.

There's multiple headlines like Bradley Cooper and Dax shepherd let their kids watch them take a dump. And I'm like, let was never part of this conversation. They come in. I don't know what to do about that. But again, if I'm in the real world, I'm like, these guys are fucking weird.

They're, like, insisting their children join them while they take a shit. Is that some new liberal thing, too? What kind of fucking weird shit's happening over there? The whole coming in the bathroom thing has happened to me. Of course you have kids.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Hey, daddy. And I'm. Get out of here. I'm like, I'll talk to you when I get out. I can't even talk while I'm doing that you're focusing.

Dan Shepard
Evacuating? Yeah. You're not even comfortable saying shitting or pooping. I can already sense your relationship with evacuating is already tenuous and you had a spectator. I can't have an audience.

Okay. I want to go back to your story, which I really, really love. You are what kind of kid in the social hierarchy, like in high school, what kind of kid are you? Not in the popular group? Played soccer.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I wouldn't say a loner, but I went home for lunch and watched three's company. Oh, ok. Ritter. Ritter. Everybody was throwing a taco bell.

I just did my own thing. A lot of my friends went to another school, so I just had a hard time fitting in with the school culture. I was never on prom court or anything like that. Never in the theater. Just was average student, shy.

Dan Shepard
And dudes fought in your school, I imagine. Was there a realistic threat of violence? No. Okay, so you weren't afraid of getting like your ass kicked? You weren't trying to lay low to just be ignored?

Sebastian Maniscalco
Not that school. Okay. Were you not a class clown? No. You weren't?

No. Despised it. Fucking guy needs so much attention. It's amazing you came here. I must trigger every fucking button you have, don't I?

Dan Shepard
Be honest. No. No. I was class clown. You look at my yearbooks?

I was class clown. Needs a lot of attention. I don't believe in Christmas. You believe in Christmas? Don't let that be the.

Almost more than anyone. Oh, God. When do you know you're funny? At home. I'd come home and I'd report the news of what I saw at school.

Sebastian Maniscalco
My dad would do that with his salon too. So make the family laugh. There was a lot of table time. Growing up, a lot of family dinners. Yeah.

And we stayed. This is the thing I'm most envious of the italian family. There was a lot of bonding over food and eyeshine at book reports or any time I had to get up in front of the class to do something, that's when I would be funny and I would sit down and people would go, what? This guy didn't say a word all year and now he came up and blew us out of the water. Okay, I know that archetype.

Dan Shepard
Okay, that's great. But then what's a little incongruous with that is you go away to northern. First of all, the vocabulary you're throwing at me, you're with it. Don't even pretend you're like placating your audience right now. Yes, you are.

Yeah. Fuck you, communications major. You went to an actual university. Bullshit. You're like you're afraid you're losing fans.

Now, listen, you go up there and then somebody. You're the fucking president of a fraternity that feels incongruous with the dude who goes home to watch Ritter. Yes. But over time, I became a lot more comfortable within my own skin. What were your insecurities in high school?

Sebastian Maniscalco
I had bad acne. I got bullied early on in junior high a little bit. I just felt like an outlier. Felt like I didn't fit in. Like they were all having some experience that you were just observing.

Still feel like that way, too with Hollywood, you know, I feel like I'm not into Hollywood. And everybody says this, right? I don't have Hollywood friends. I don't hang out in the parties. I'm not at the Emmys.

I'm not there. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. By the way, you didn't have a tv show. Now you got a tv show and you might end up at that.

I'm not saying I want to be right, exactly. No, I know. I think you're maybe better off. I feel like, you know, a lot of people, like, you know, Bradley Cooper, right.

I just feel like you're in the scene. Yeah. You know what it is? I started working in 2003. Unpunct.

Dan Shepard
Then I did a movie and I literally said to myself, wow, you know what this is? This is a chance to go through high school all over again and, like, everyone. And I'm gonna take that. I mean, it was a conscious decision. Like, I'm not gonna roll through here as the punk rock skateboarder kid who thinks no one wants to be with him and is gonna judge everyone.

This is second chance. I'm, like, going to high school again and I'm gonna like everyone. I did movies for 20 years and tv shows and I met all these incredible people and most of the people I worked with, I really like and I've been friends with. Now, do I hang out with celebrities all the time? No.

Monica can tell you what my real life is. What is that? Once a month? Yeah, we have our group of friends. That's not.

That is our core group of friends. I'm still best friends with my childhood best friend since I was eleven, Aaron. So it's like, yeah, I do. I have a lot of relationships, people I've worked with and I've adored. But am I immersed?

Am I, like, at some Hollywood sex party? I wish. But I haven't been. I haven't been invited to those. But I do think the human conditions.

To feel like you're not. Yeah. I always felt like I was not at the party and I didn't have that feeling coming out here. I just felt like, okay, here I go again. I'm a lone wolf.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Strange town. I'm gonna go and try and do stand up. I work alone. Just me to answer to nobody. Just me.

If I screw up, I screw up. If I do good, I do good. So I think that's the nature of a comedian. We kind of feel like we're on a fringe of life. If you would maybe ended up at the groundlings.

Dan Shepard
I'm just curious what you were relationship with that would all be. Well, I ended up at Second City in Chicago. Oh. And I hated it. What part?

Sebastian Maniscalco
Working with other people. Yeah, I guess that was self evident. But no, it was just like, let's take a suggestion or let's do a scene. And then I'm like, all right, I got my own thoughts and I want to go my own way and I don't really want to play this game in one yes end. My preference was, I got my own funny thoughts.

I want to share those funny thoughts and I don't want to be impeded by anybody else. You don't want to compromise? No, I don't want to compromise. So I went to stand up, bro. I've always wanted to be stand up.

No doubt in my mind since I was in second grade. So I just always felt I was always watching other people behave. But when you're the president of a fraternity at a college, you're in the thick of it. The way I looked at that, no one wanted to do it. And I don't like to see things fail.

And I'm like, no one wants to do this. I'll take the reins of doing this. Also, I like getting up in front of people. So every chapter meeting on Monday, it was like a comedy show for me. So I would get up there and, hey, we gotta do this.

We gotta do this, we gotta do this. What's the sorority? I would be doing monologues up there. Is that where you discovered that moving around was amusing to people? No, where I discovered that was just an evolution of doing stand up.

Within the first five years, I did this one joke about Ross four less where I'm chucking stuff across the store. And I noticed when I did that, I'm like, oh, wow. People like the physical action and the explaining the story with movement. Your physicality is so fantastic. Oh, thank you.

Dan Shepard
Yeah, dog. Thank you. So fucking amusing to make that a. Part of what I do. Monica and I were watching a clip of you on Kimmel.

You were mimicking, no matter what you're talking, just this group over here, and you're swirling your hand. Yeah, I just think that took time to come out, though. That's the way I normally behave. When you're first doing stand up, you're afraid to like, ooh, can I do that? You're frozen.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah. So you're just kind of telling the jokes, and then the layers start to peel off and you feel freer and loose and like, I could do anything up there and not even thinking about it. Which is why I wish I could get there in acting. Because right now I'm so worried about doing two things at once, like talking, learning the line, and then drinking a cup of coffee. I'm like, too much, you know?

That's why I like car scenes. Seated with a seatbelt, they ask you to roll the window down, you're out, but so long as you don't have to make a turn or roll the window down or shift. I only do scenes with all automatics. That's it. It is a lot to think about all at once.

Minnie Mouse
It is. It took me a long time to get loose on camera. I can't even watch early stuff. I'm like, I am frozen. Like they told me the mark is there and I am not leaving that mark.

Dan Shepard
And I am looking in that direction. I'm never looking anywhere else. By the way, in real life, you watch me, I'm never looking in the same direction for more than 5 seconds. But in a scene, I'm like, uh huh. Yeah.

And then what happened? Yes. And I'm locked right in. Well, you were doing punk. That's definitely all improv.

Sebastian Maniscalco
There was no script on that. By the way, were you in any of the auditions? In the room with Ashton, watching people auditioned for that show. I tanked in the audition the first season. I don't even know what season it was.

Were you there in the room? Sometimes I auditioned for the first season when it was just a pilot called harassment. And I auditioned like twelve times. And maybe the last four, it started becoming obvious. Maybe I was one of the people.

Dan Shepard
And then they were kind of chemistry testing me with other people. So not impossible. Oh, maybe. But you're saying like the casting director, Ashton, you. Yeah.

I would have never been there sitting, watching an audition, but I was brought in to interact with other finalists, I guess. But you think you have a memory of me staring at you while you audition. Yeah, I think you were there. And then second season, I was gone. I never was around for anything.

Sebastian Maniscalco
You did one season, that show, because. I got that kind of can't recognize. Recognizable after that, like a light switch. So did you feel that that was like a launching pad for you? Yeah.

Dan Shepard
And then a huge chip on my shoulder about it. For ten years, I would be doing press for without a paddle. And they go like, what's it like to act? Because it was a reality show. God, I think I'm not an actor.

Everyone thinks I'm not an actor. Everyone thinks I'm a reality show person. And I so distanced myself from that show for, like, a decade, and one day I woke up and I was like, I'm fucking proud as hell of that show. Dude. That was impossible, what I had to do on that show.

I love it now, but it was a rough curve for me. Wow. But you move here, you're waiting tables at the four seasons, and then you're starting to do stand up, but you're here for a while before you're, like, at the comedy store. Yeah, right away. 99.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I got into the comedy store. So one year. Tell me what the different culture is between, like, what determines whether someone's gonna be a laugh factory person or a comedy store person? So I started taking comedy classes at the comedy store with Mitzi Shore's daughter, Sandy Shore. It was called the Sandy Shore sandbox comedy.

Dan Shepard
Paulie Shore's sister. Sister. My thinking was, oh, the sister likes me. She'll tell the mother. And I'm into the club.

Sebastian Maniscalco
That was my. Sure, of course. Bingo, bangle, bongo. So I find out that the mother and the daughter, they don't get along. First day of class.

So dollar 550 down the drain. Could have got one and a half santas. Yeah. So I just loved the comedy story. I just loved being there.

There's something about it. Oh, it's got a big vibe. I went to the original room. I felt, whoa, wow, this feels like I'm at home. The pictures on the wall.

Dan Shepard
It almost feels like going to Saturday Night Live. I've never done Saturday Night Live, but it feels like there's history there. This is kind of where it all started. Richard Pryor, was he a comedy store guy? Richard Pryor, Jim Carrey.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So laugh factory. I liked it. Just kind of bright and young, but no real history there. It's kind of like an old italian restaurant. It's a comedy store.

Yeah, yeah. What's the vibe at the laugh? I don't even really know. I'm asking sincerely. Yeah.

It was just, like, more high energy. Younger kids, still locals or mostly traveling people. You get, like, a foreign contingent at the comedy store. You know, sometimes people are visiting from Germany, and they don't know what to do. They end up at the comedy store.

I feel like the laugh factory was, like, the young, hip, just younger people. You look in a comedy store, there'd be, like, 50 year old couple, then maybe like, a group of businessmen. So I felt like it was like, a diverse group of people. That's kind of where I gravitated towards. She gave me spots at midnight, 1230 01:00 I would go after a lot of big names, like Eddie Griffin would go up, and then I would have to go up.

So she would kind of test you. Like, can you follow that? What are you gonna do? So there's a lot of that there. That is a unique aspect of stand up, man.

Dan Shepard
Who you're following, who follows you. That whole dynamic is very fascinating when you're starting out. That's very nerve wracking. Yeah. Intimidating, for sure.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Or going up at 130 in the morning when there's five people in the audience and they're gone. Yeah, they're out to sea. She had a way of building the lineup and structuring it to where you were in your career and other clubs. They're not curated that way. That was just like, okay, we got a show, and there's a lineup.

Dan Shepard
So you benefited, I imagine, greatly from that. I definitely felt like that was my gym. When did you start feeling? You started in 99. You said 98.

98. What year would you say? You start feeling like, okay, I'm kind of approaching the thing that's actually gonna work. I felt like 0506. I started coming into my own, and that's amazing.

Dude, that's seven years. I look at seven year intake, and I was still learning, but I just felt like, okay, I'm getting my feet here. I'm starting to hit the three pointer a little bit more than normal. Yeah. And you're assembling, I'd imagine, a tool kit.

You've got some backups and some go tos. You assemble some tricks. Yeah. When you first started doing stand up, you don't want to deviate from your material. A bomb could have went off in a room.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I wouldn't acknowledged it. Right. Gotta get through my seven minutes. It's just like anything else, though. It's like, you start bodybuilding, and you're 160 pounds, you got no muscle, and then you do some chest, and you start to see, develop, and, oh, here I'm getting biceps.

Same way with stand up. You keep doing it. Oh, there's a heckler. Okay, you dealt with that one night, it went awful. And then the next time it happens and you're like, oh, wow, I kind of handled that better.

And thinking about it, and I don't know if this is happening now in standup just because the evolution of the Internet and social media, but the time that you have to put in to stand up comedy, anything but stand up in particular. I don't know if the comedians now are putting that amount of time in because I think they're being thrust into being a comedian right away because maybe they have some popularity on social media. Well, and let's be honest, let's say that in that seven year learning period, certainly you had shows that were really good. And your ride home, you're like, fuck, I can't believe that happened. I hope that happens again.

Dan Shepard
Now, that could have been on video. You could have posted that on instagram. And my assumption is that's what going to see Sebastian is like every time. So it could be a little misleading, too. The consistency could not be there yet.

You could pop. So you could have like a three or four minute great set and put that up and like, oh, my God, this guy's hysterical. And you go to a show, it takes a while to get material. The way I look at comedy is every joke has to be equal or greater than the previous joke, right? Cause it's like you can't have a dip off and come back up.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Dip off again. People are gonna go, what the f? This one, that's not funny. It's gotta be consistent. And that's the hardest thing to do, in my opinion, in stand up.

That's what I pine over and go, this is funny. Should this even be in the act? Does it match the level of material prior to this? After this? And also, you know, you wanna come out and you wanna get the attention of the audience.

We want to prove to them, like, the next hour and a half is going to be worth listening to. So you got to be careful. You don't want to come out of the gate too strong. And then they go, okay, that guy, the first ten minutes, where did he go? Yeah.

Dan Shepard
Treating it like a sprint instead of a marathon. Yeah, but then you want to smack them in the mouth going, you ready for a good time? Because if you like this, I got so much more to come that you're going to die. Yeah, yeah, you got to grab their. Attention, especially in this day and age.

Minnie Mouse
I mean, oh, my God. Yeah, you got to come out of. The gate, dick out, dick out. Seconds away from sprain. To get anyone to listen to an hour of anything at this point is hard.

Sebastian Maniscalco
It is. And then there's like, when do I end? When do you get off stage? The whole adage of leaving with them, wanting more. But if it's 50 minutes in and you start to see, oh, wow, a.

Dan Shepard
Lot of people going to the bathroom, a lot of yawns. Yeah, you want to maintain. Okay, maybe I should put this chunk here. So you got to go out and practice it. Well, let me jump to.

I should have said this at the beginning, but currently you're an american record holder. Your run at Madison Square Gardens was a record setting event. Your one that you're doing this year, which is you're doing five shows sold out. Yeah, you're at the apex of this art form. You don't want to hear that compliment, but let's just move on.

Sebastian Maniscalco
It's nice to hear, but I go. Ahead and you're 30 years into being out here. When did the rocket ship start? It started in 20. 1415.

I just started to feel at the comedy clubs come back and they're like, you wanna add a show? I'm like, add a show. I remember two years ago on a Thursday night, we were like, do you wanna cancel the show? You know? Yeah.

Dan Shepard
All right. So, yeah, I started to feel momentum, I'd imagine too. What must also change is your publicity commitment. Like when you were on the road, I would imagine there was a period where you had to go to every radio station in town and try to sell seats, and now you're showing up, it's like you're debating whether to add a second or a third show. Yeah, that's a pretty significant evolution in the experience.

Sebastian Maniscalco
And then even presented with, okay, I think we should go to theaters now. And I'm like, theaters? I don't know if I could sell 3000 seats, even though I sold 3000 seats at the comedy club for the week. Theaters again, it's a business, okay, that's more money to rent the theater out. Now we got ushers, now we got a lighting guy, a sound guy, and then that's starting to factor into everything.

You make that jump. Okay, we're doing theaters now we're adding theaters. If you're doing theaters and you're doing, I don't know, however many dates, you're now making a fucking living. Yes, you're making a living. Doing comedy clubs.

Dan Shepard
Sure. But now you're gonna buy a house and stuff. Yeah. It's a big ratchet up. You're making 100 grand a night potentially everywhere you go.

That's huge. Yeah, it's big. It's tempting to stay there. No. Cause, you know, the show works at that size.

It's damn good money. The venues are gorgeous. It's a comfortable life. Yeah. But then you run this risk if you're in theaters, right?

Sebastian Maniscalco
Let's say you're going to Cleveland, Ohio on Friday and they said you sold out 3000. I think we could do a Saturday. Okay. I book a Saturday. Saturday sold out.

As soon as we put it on, I think we do a Sunday. We'll put that on sale too. That sells out, right? Yeah. The next time you go to Cleveland, they said, you know what, forget the theater.

You do one night in arena and then you could go to Detroit the next night in an arena. You're tripling your time, in a sense. Yeah. It's like, let's consolidate the crowd in one thing and we can do more. Now, this is where we get into the whole, how much is enough?

Dan Shepard
Right? Yeah. How much you gonna do? Well, also, I wonder if you're evaluating, because even in our limited experience, for us at a two to 3000 seat theater, it's golden. It's a great experience.

It's still quite intimate. We go to this place in San Francisco, it's like 5000. I'm like, we need a monster truck show in here. Like, this place is fucking too big. Chicago theater as a big theater, it works.

But you're also imagining, you're evaluating, how enjoyable will the show be as I scale up? Absolutely. And you have an integrity and commitment to the people that come spend money and get a babysitter. So that's in the mix too now. Absolutely.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I think about that all the time. Is comedy really supposed to be in. A basketball arena at this scale? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then you go, okay, what kind of production are we gonna bring in here to kind of offset the fact that we're in a 20,000 seat arena?

How big are the screens gonna be? You go in a theater, I don't know if you guys use screens, but you put two screens on the side. Of you, changes everything. For me it does because half of my act is expressions and movement. They ain't gonna get that up there.

Dan Shepard
JJ 317. And then you get people looking at the screens, not even you. So you get somebody in the second row and you're right there and they're looking right at the screen, which could take focus and energy off the center of the performance. So you gotta, like, kind of factor all these things in as you grow and get into these bigger venues. And you say, breaking records.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Listen, this arena thing now is almost commonplace. Everybody's. Not everybody, but a lot more people are doing arenas now. Let's be honest, there's probably eight people. This is perfect timing.

Dan Shepard
Cause I had never seen stand up in an arena, and I did on Friday in Austin, I saw Andrew Schultz for the first time. Yeah, I think McConaughey told me. Maybe that was, like, 14,000 or something like that. So how was it? It was great.

Two huge screens, and I'm in a suite with a dude, so we're pretty far away. And I absolutely loved it. I mean, he also, I think, is phenomenal. I do think there's a talent level required to perform that big of a room. I think you gotta be really high energy and really confident and be physical.

I think there's some stuff that has to go along with it. I don't know that Cosby could have sat down on his stool and done it in an arena. Yeah, I think an arena. There's certain comedian that plays well in there. Just gotta fill the room.

Yeah.

Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. Okay. When did paying someone back become social media? What do you mean? Well, let's just say I'm a weirdo, and I want to be messy and see what you're up to, like, who you're hanging with.

I can just stalk your pay app and find out what you're doing. I knew you did that. No, I did not do that. I don't do that. I use Apple cash.

It's built into your iPhone, easy and secure. You can send and receive money right in messages and keep it between friends and then use that money any place. Apple Pay is accepted. Did you just pay me a dollar on Apple cash? Monica, please keep it in the chat services are provided by Green Dot bank.

Member FDIC. Terms apply. We are supported by taco bell. Oh, man. We often do two recordings a day, and we have this little nice lunch break that we enjoy, and we're always craving something really yummy.

Yes. Something fresh, something high quality. Something like the all new cantina chicken menu from taco bell, which is exactly that. Mmm. It's so yummy.

Minnie Mouse
It has slow roasted chicken, the pico that, purple cabbage, and an avocado verde salsa sauce. Oh, delicious. Outrageous. The new cantina chicken tacos burrito and quesadilla. Are the perfect daytime choice.

Dan Shepard
Try the new cantina chicken menu at Taco Bell. Now we are supported by armor. Do you ever wonder what elite health secrets all the movers and shakers are using? Well, I'm blowing the lid on one of them that lives up to the hype. Armora colostrum armor.

Colostrum is a premium bovine colostrum concentrate with over 400 bioactive nutrients that work at the cellular level to deliver thousands of benefits from stronger immunity to fortified gut health. This isn't your passing health. Fat colostrum is a whole food soak up that has been traded on the black market by bodybuilders for decades. In fact, in a third party clinical research trial, participants experience whole body benefits like improved strength, endurance and lean muscle mass and thicker, fuller hair. And now this once exclusive food is accessible to everyone.

Go to tryarmra.com dax. That's Armra. Armra. To receive a free starter kit on your first auto ship order, plus lack in a special limited time monthly auto ship rate. This is not available on their website, so you must go to tryarmora.com dax to get this exclusive offer.

Do you remember your very first arena show? Yeah, it was in Philadelphia at the Wells Fargo center. Or was it Toronto? One of the two? It's a blur.

Minnie Mouse
Sorry, Toronto. And tonight? No. You don't remember is the answer. My apologies.

Dan Shepard
I think we had a. I had a chili dog. Well, here. Where would have I eaten a chili dog before this show? I had a kabuki.

Sebastian Maniscalco
You know what a kabuki is? No. Is that one of those cookies with the ice cream? No, it's when I think in. Go ahead.

Dan Shepard
It's a bad sexual term. Oh, it is. Yeah. No.

Sebastian Maniscalco
It'S a scrim that comes down over the stage. So it was in the round and it was like a cylinder sheet. Silk. Yeah. That covers the whole stage.

I'm thinking, okay, Michael Jackson's a huge inspiration for me. I want to go see him in concert. Look at this guy. All the molestine. So he said, how do you not believe in Christmas?

Dan Shepard
Told his children and bubbles Santa was. No, I love Michael Jackson, too. I'm looking at the performance. Of course. Of course.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So I'm like, I want to put some production into this. So I did a thing where up on the scrim, you would see me climbing up this ladder and I would fall off and you would say, oh, my God, right? He's in there. And then the Kabuki would drop and then I would be kind of just there on the center of the stage, just to give this some feeling like we're at a show. This is show business, right?

And I'm sorry, a lot of this shit that's out there right now, it's not like you're putting on a show, right? Yes. In an arena. And to Schultz's credit, you go to his show. I haven't been to it, but I've seen it online.

He's got lights. He's a gangster. He comes out to hip hop. It's a vibe. Yes.

It's produced into this shit. So I just want to give the people their money's worth. Now that I think about it, it wasn't Philadelphia. You just had a beautiful Philly cheesesteak. Little too much.

Dan Shepard
You're up on that ladder. You're like, ugh, onions. Shouldn't have got peppers. Shouldn't have got peppers. None of that.

None of that bullshit. Rocky statue. That's where I went prior to the show. Did you say a couple breaks took homage? That must have been so surreal, though.

Sebastian Maniscalco
It was surreal. But the whole thing, now, to your point in regards to, hey, is this sustainable? When do you put the tickets in for Madison Square to garden? And they tell you one show is 30% sold. You know what I'm saying?

That's always a fear in the back of your head. Well, look, I think. And we've been talking about this ad nauseam, probably makes the listeners so sick of it. But what is a very interesting and very privileged experience is to go from trying to get something and then trying to hold on to something, and it's a very precarious and weird man building is. You get it?

Dan Shepard
Yeah. Let's sell those shows out. Okay, great. If we do this third, we could do an arena. Now it just switches to like, okay, now, I don't want to lose it, but I don't have a game plan on how to not lose it.

I have a game plan how to build. Yeah. It could be compared to, you build a beautiful house. Right. But then there's stuff gonna go wrong with the house.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Are you gonna leave the grass grow? Are you gonna let the gutters rust? You gotta maintain it. Right? So if you pay attention to it and you nurture it, and for your podcast, right, I'm sure you pine over and I don't know, maybe you don't, but just listening to you say that, okay, we had this guest, and we had a dip, and we gonna come back next week.

Where are we in the rankings? How do we keep this at the level? I love this. I want to keep this, but I don't have any experience. I have 29 years of experience trying to build shit.

So now that it's built. Yeah, exactly. It's an interesting transition, and I have a sense if we don't navigate it correctly and with a lot of thoughtfulness, we will lose it. So is it harder to build or maintain thus far? Harder mentally to maintain.

Minnie Mouse
Mentally? I mean, mentally. The truth is it's harder to build and gain success. I mean, that's what most people would tell you. 99.9% of people who don't have the thing would say that.

But it's just a weird position to be in. Where you got there, you love what you have and you like it, and then it's like, oh, fuck, I don't want it to go away. And it could at any moment. And it's scary. This stuff's all gross to talk about out loud, but I like that we're doing it.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I thought the building was the best part of it. Going back to Gotham comedy club and taking pictures with the fans outside and signing dvd's and like, oh, you're from this. I wasn't even thinking about, are these people gonna come back next time? You were taking it for what it was in the moment. Yeah, and I wish I had that same mentality to maintain it.

It seems to be a lot more stressful now than it was ten years ago, right? Yeah, but you would think it would be. But is that just revisionist? It's kind of hard to really think back to how it felt then. Cause I'm sure it was stressful then, too.

Minnie Mouse
I think we forget some of that. I agree with you. But also, I have said many times in here, the highlight for me was the Sunday company at the groundlings. The fact that I went out on stage on Sunday nights and the place was sold out, and I was doing the fucking thing I had come to California to do, and people were laughing and people wanted to meet me in the lobby afterwards. That was incomprehensible.

But again, you were an alcoholic who was worried that you were failing all the time. You are deciding to take that piece out. When you recall it, you were smoking. Cracking ghost town in Venice also, by the way. I mean, it's a fair, like, we just remember things with a very.

Dan Shepard
You were fucking strangers hoping that would make you feel good. You were. But I agree with you. There's something to the process of building that's very fulfilling. Maybe there's another way to look at it, too.

A weird analogy would be, I'm sitting on a beach over Christmas at a hotel I have no business being at, and it's the dream, and I'm there, and I did it, and I'm looking around, and I cannot help but notice my trip to the Holiday Inn Express. People were having much more fun because they still had all this stuff they could look forward to. They could sit there, and they could dream of this, and maybe this time, we'll do the people. I was looking around was like, they all got here. We're here.

There's no place left. And this isn't that much fun. And now not only is it not that much fun, I've robbed myself of hope and daydreaming in a weird way. Cause this is it. And there's some weird sadness.

It made me think, of course, Elon Musk and Bezos are going to Mars. It's literally the only thing left they can't do. Yeah, that's a good point. If you and I are sitting at the hotel pool and we go, like, wouldn't it be titties to have an island and some offshore race boats? We don't have that.

We're gonna have to do some tricks to get that, and we can fantasize about, you and I, miami vice style, on a race. You know, it can be a whole thing. If Elon and Bezos are sitting there and they're like, we should get, yeah, in 2 hours, we could have that. But, you know, what are those things, really? They're not that fun.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah, but if you're at the hotel, right, and you're looking around going, no one else is having fun. But if you're there with your family and your kids and you're having a blast, what else matters, right? It doesn't matter. And I had a great trip, but I just could feel it. There is an, oh, we have to act a certain way now.

Everybody's quiet, and then you go up to somebody, and no one's doing cannonballs like they're doing at the Radisson Inn on Beltline. No one's swimsuit failed them. Everyone's got a pretty new suit. But a fight could break out at the Holiday Inn Express. It's kind of exciting.

Accidentally stabbed. So you take the no fun five star hotel instead. He's including the stabbing is the fun part. You like that? You want that?

Dan Shepard
I would have loved. If there was a stabbing at the Four Seasons in Mexico, I would have been first on the scene. Okay, really quick. We already touched on it. I want to know do you have gratitude for this?

A lot of the stuff you're now getting to do at 50 is the stuff a lot of stand ups would have been doing at 29. And I think there's a lot of good that comes with that. And there's probably some shit I'm not thinking about that's challenging about that. But now you got to sitcom. Now you're in movies.

You got to make a movie where De Niro played your fucking dad in some weird way, I'd imagine it's a blessing. I've even had a blessing that it didn't happen for me until 29. If I wasn't punk at 21, I would have been dead. There's no question. And you start on this other chapter in your entertainment life already.

Having kids, having some foundation, having all this stuff. What is your thoughts about getting all these dreams later? I couldn't have done what I'm doing now as far as the bookie or being in movies. When I was 25, 30, 35, I didn't have the confidence. Now I'm confident I could go up to Chuck Lorre now and go, I'm not feeling it.

Sebastian Maniscalco
And maybe when I was 29, I would have not said anything. I don't want to rock the boat or I'm just happy to be here. And over the years, it's given me confidence to speak up for myself and trust my instincts. Sometimes I would have great instincts but wouldn't react on them because I felt like, oh, that's not what they. And it took me a little bit to learn that.

And now I'm 50, and I'm getting an opportunity to be on a tv show. You're right. Friends and Seinfeld, mid thirties, got this idea. Ray Romano. So I needed those years to build my confidence.

Dan Shepard
By the way, it kind of explains, potentially, why the collaboration wasn't fun at second city, which is you were likely to get gobbled up. You're right. It took me a while. I needed to go out there and earn my confidence. And meeting my wife 15 years ago, having a family later in life, there's some pros and cons to that.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I often look at my age and I look at my kid's age and go, oof, man, I got a six year old and a four year old. I'm 50, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dad was 50 when I moved out to California. Sometimes I compare the life I had growing up and the life I'm living now and wishing, oh, man, I really liked my childhood.

I wish my kids could have that same experience, but they don't. So how do you adjust to that? I'm able to do that now at 50, and I wouldn't be able to do that if I had kids at 30. Yes, I'm sure you and I wrestle with the same thing, which is I need them to grow up the way I did. It scares me.

No, it should. I don't want my kids to assume that they will have a swimming pool at their house. Well, I think you won already, because you know that there's some people that give the kid the swimming pool and they don't let them know, hey, hey. Not everybody's got perfect. Not every party you go to, they're gonna have what we have.

And that doesn't make those people any less than us. Beat it into their heads. But circling back to Santa. Cause we should keep talking about that. All roads lead back to Santa.

Minnie Mouse
That's what I actually think is the most problematic thing about Santa, is that if everyone's good. Yeah. If Santa's real, why are kids that don't have as much money getting fewer presents and cheaper presents? Why Santa bring me ponies in you Jordans. Exactly.

Sebastian Maniscalco
You know what you're like. I already said the Santa thing. I think we've covered it. That you have some valid arguments. It's another one I'm piling off.

Just trying to keep the dream alive. Over at the Matiskalco, explain to your. Daughter, white Santa spent $6,000 on her Christmas. Yeah. And then that boy got two scratchers.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah.

Sebastian Maniscalco
For a comedy bit. I like that whole mindset. But I don't think any other kid other than yours can figure this out. Some kids are just like, you got what? I got this.

And they don't equate. Except for your kids. Your kids are on another level when it comes to this. You got a book? Cool.

Dan Shepard
I got a power wheels. Well, when they tell you, what book did you get? Naughty and nice and stuff, it's like, I guess I was naughty. I guess he was just naughty. He got a book.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah. And really, Mike got a fucking book. I don't know what he did this year, but I do know this. Santa brought him a book. Guys, listen.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I don't know what Santa ever did to you. Will you please, will you flesh this out? I hope to God I see you do stand up one day and somehow this is all fleshed out. This is in. There's something sticking about this, isn't there?

That argument. I will make the complete opposite of my argument because I'm going to make you guys look like the enemy. Okay, sure. You're the hero of your stand up. Routine, and then the audience is going to go, yeah, those people.

Can you believe liberal?

Dan Shepard
The last thing I want to get your opinion on, at the risk of Monica and I getting a little heated here. Oh, no. You have to be observant. As someone who watched stand up like crazy as a kid, then got into comedy, did sketch comedy, tracked everything that happened on Saturday Night Live, tracked everything that was like, I've been following it. We're at an interesting point in comedy, and I think probably Bill Burr and Chappelle being the kind of vanguard of it, coupled with this movement of wokeness and a pushback to wokeness, comedy is seeming more and more relevant at this moment.

Do you feel that? I think people are turning to comedy for the unfiltered truth of it all. The original thing comedy did, which was bring truth to power or to challenge the status quo or to disrupt even the jester. Its inception was this goofball that would go in front of the king and have the ability to make fun of the king, and no one else could. But he was so funny at doing it that they were able to bring truth to power.

And I can't help but observe that there's this big swell of America going, we need y'all's voice right now. Oh, yeah. I think people getting offended, whatnot. Are just very small group of people. I'm speaking from my own experience.

Sebastian Maniscalco
When I go on the road, I'm seeing it firsthand that the jokes that seem to hit the hardest are the jokes that tend to kind of push back against. It's not even pushing back. It's like, you used to just make fun on everything, but then now, all of a sudden, we have these parameters of what you can and cannot joke about. And I don't do a lot of jokes that are cultural. Mine's like family.

I went to universal studios with my kids. I just feel like people are dying to laugh at the absurdities of life. Yeah. And all of us that are here. Yeah.

I don't feel like it's a big of a problem as it might be presented. It is misleading by virtue of where you live. We live here. I'm ultra aware of all the stuff. But then, yeah, I'm down somewhere else, and I'm like, oh, right, that's not even a thing here.

Dan Shepard
No one's even talking about this. Definitely misleading. Even when you're on this podcast, I'm sure you're like, hmm, should we air. That one, that could be a cancelable offense. Yeah.

Sebastian Maniscalco
And before it was just like, oh, that was funny. And now all of a sudden, you gotta be a little bit more cautious about what you put out there. And if I'm being fair, a lot of the comedy was just, just mean and superior. There was a spirit to some of it. This pendulum was swung all these different ways, but I do think it's landed with a handful of people I really like right now.

Dan Shepard
The intention's right, the spirit's right, the heart's right, and we're gonna fucking laugh at every one of our neighbors together. Cause that's what we do. So I think it evolved. Like, I'll watch some of the stuff. And I'm like, I'm glad that's gone.

That kinda was mean. Yeah. I mean, there is mean spirited comedy and you could feel it almost. And it just, it's a gut, but you don't go online and, hey, it's just a mean, you know, it's like, all right, that was mean. All right, maybe that.

Not gonna see this person again. Wasn't that funny? Yeah, yeah. But I've always looked at it as, hey, I'm making fun of life in general and all of us, and we all could laugh together about being 50 and wearing jordans or whatever it might be. I just feel like we gotta just loosen up a little bit, that's all.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah, yeah. I also think, like, the comedians are letting us know, like, hey, we can also have some fun again. We've got a lot of correction to do. But also, hey, this is a pretty fun planet earth. This country, flawed as it is, pretty great ones.

Dan Shepard
It's okay to have some fun. Still. We can laugh and have a good time. We don't have to be crying all the time. Why was this a point of contention between you two?

Sebastian Maniscalco
You said, oh, we're probably gonna get in an argument. Well, just yesterday we were debating one of these comedians and navigating the very legitimate fact that it's different for Monica than it is for me. My issue sometimes with certain comedy, I don't think it's the comedian. I think generally the comedian's smart and it has a fun take and a funny take, depending. But if they do, I worry about the people in the audience who don't get that it's making fun of all of us.

Minnie Mouse
They hear the eyes joke. I sent her the Shultz asian eyes. He's in Taiwan. This is why it works for me. The audience is thousands of taiwanese.

When you said that I was like, are you sure they're in Taiwan? There was a lot of people. No, he's in Taiwan. He said, listen, I'm here in Taiwan, and you realize if you guys get invaded by China, it's gonna be also funny. I'm not saying, hey, he's not being funny, but when he makes the joke about, open up your eyes.

If the taiwanese people are laughing, great. It's the white person who is racist who laughs. They're like, see, they do have closed their eyes. Don't open. See, it's that.

That I feel is a line to toe. That person, regardless of what the comedian says, is going to probably hear that from. They already think it. That was my exact retort was simply, that joke didn't make that person that way. That person was that way.

Dan Shepard
And they're in search of all kinds of reasons to continue to think that way. Yeah, it's like kind of this. My defensive stern. If we even take it out of any wokeness and just go back to the nineties and go like, yeah, a lot of people weren't in on the joke. I think that person's not in on any joke they hear, you know, or they're just out there trying to gather some arsenal of shitty things to say to other people.

And I don't know how we account for those people. I don't know. That's our responsibility to. I get what you're saying. You're saying, oh, like, you're fueling the ken.

Minnie Mouse
I mean, obviously, I come here with a much different perspective on those jokes. Plenty of jokes have been used against me in life that when I see it on stage, I can't laugh at it. When it was used to, like, punch me. I do recognize Monica in junior high, where the only indian person on tv is Apu, and then every kid in school is calling you a poo and stuff. Like, yeah, that fucking blows.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I do a joke about Indians being smart. Right. Generally engineers and what have you. It's a good generalization. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
Safe one. It's pretty safe. Well, even people get bent out of shape. Even me mentioning that they over index in engineering. Well, in school, Indians were the smartest kids in the school.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Them and the Japanese. That's the way it was. Yeah. Namisha Patel was the smartest kid in my class. So when I make reference to that, I get, sometimes Indians do other things other than engineering.

Minnie Mouse
Okay, but there's people are gonna, what. Are we gonna do? I agree with you. That's not offensive, though. But people will find offense anywhere.

I agree. And I get sometimes annoyed here because I don't wanna get lumped in with that person. I'm not that person, but I am a person. If you say like, like shit, I mean, not you, but something about brown skin being shit colored, for one. I just don't think it's smart comedy.

Like, there's just a lot of bad comedy. Yeah, well, most people suck at stand. Up, and then those were actual things used against these minority groups. Being smart wasn't what you just said. This shit, it's not funny.

Sebastian Maniscalco
It's mean spirited. That type of stuff. Like, you don't laugh at, but some. People laugh at it. People are gonna talk that way.

It's a shame you don't like to see it. It hurts. I'm just saying I wouldn't concentrate on it. I don't think I actually do this. She doesn't, and now I feel bad.

Minnie Mouse
I get roped in, in these conversations. My apologies. I don't mean to position you and I on opposite ends of any spectrum. Cut it out. Yeah, get it all.

Dan Shepard
Snip, snip, snip, snip. Keep it clean. Anywho, I guess in summation, I just think it's a really interesting moment in comedy. I think it's the best time to be a comedian, to be honest with you. People more now than ever need to laugh.

Sebastian Maniscalco
That's why you see a lot of people selling out arenas and theaters. Comedy is flourishing. Yeah. So there's a good question. So you first sold out the garden four nights in a row in 2019.

Dan Shepard
And so we're five years beyond that. And when you were doing it, it was kind of a novelty. And so I think there's a really clean parallel between this show and that, which is we've been doing it for six and a half years. In the last three years, a whole bunch of folks entered the fray. A lot of people get millions of downloads.

Does it scare you or encourage you? I could see it going either way. It makes me question my revelance, my popularity. Where am I in this whole thing? My ascending or descending?

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah, we'll see. I mean, I got a big tour coming up in July, and we'll see, you know, how the tickets sell and the hot markets, they're great. You know, Philadelphia, Boston, Chicago, New York City, Toronto. But, you know, go to Norfolk, Virginia. We're gonna have to get on the house and start selling tickets.

It's all stressful. You look at the blue dots. I don't know if you guys do blue dots on Ticketmaster you don't look at blue dots. Tell me how blue dots work. So when you go and you're doing a theater to see how you're doing, you on Ticketmaster, and there's a map of the seats, and blue dots are seats that are not sold.

Dan Shepard
Not sold. Actually, John Mayer and I have talked about this. He's a blue dot guy. Okay. You go in to see how your tickets are selling, and if you see a sea of blue dots, you know, your hair starts falling out on the keyboard.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So Kevin Hart comes out. He's doing theaters for his next theaters. This guy's an arena act going to theaters now. So I'm thinking Kevin Hart, the biggest comedian in the world, he's doing theaters. What the hell am I doing in Norfolk, Virginia, trying to sell out an arena?

Dan Shepard
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really heady. Yeah, it's heady. Hop on the hamster wheel and start sprinting. That's why, you know, in 2025, I'm gonna retire and just school events and see my kids gala fundraisers.

Oh, you must be the. The first stop. Oh, yeah. No, you must get called. I'm doing it three weeks.

Six times a week. I'm doing the gallon in three weeks. So your current tour that people can buy tickets to is ain't it right tour. And you're gonna be in LA August 17. Where are you at in LA?

Sebastian Maniscalco
At this new intuit Dome. So Bruno Mars opens it up Thursday and Friday, and I come in Saturday, so I took a tour to dome. Where's it at? It's right next to Sofi. Oh, it is state of the art.

Dan Shepard
Gorgeous, gorgeous. I mean, it's designed for basketball. It's gonna be home to Los Angeles. Steve Ballmer owns not only the team, but the building, and he took me through a tour. He's a rad dude.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Yeah. Have you met him? Yeah, and he's from Michigan. He's a big personality. He took me through the bathrooms.

No mirrors in the bathroom. Ah. You don't want people looking at themselves because it takes away from cheering for the team. Oh, wow. So the whole objective of the stadium is to keep people in their seats, the concession stands, all face recognition.

You don't have to take out a wallet or anything like that. The toilets seats have spikes on them, so no one wants to sit too long. No toilets. So it's a pretty spectacular place. So I'm looking forward to playing it.

Dan Shepard
And how many cities will you do on the ain't it right tour? I think it's 94 shows. Over the course of nine months. So it's my biggest tour ever. What does that work out to?

Like, two a week ish? It's one week on, one week off. Maybe two weeks on, two weeks off. So, generally speaking, I'll go out for about three or four, come home, and then maybe have a week off. It's not like I'm gonna be on a bus for nine months like Motley crue in the eighties.

Minnie Mouse
You can borrow. Do you want me to drive you to some shows? Describe me, too. Into a dome. Course, parking might be rough.

Dan Shepard
Do you see the size of it? But I'll figure it out. I see this thing when we walk out. I pulled in. I was looking at the dirt buggy.

Well, Sebastian, I'm so glad I finally got to meet you. Yeah, man. I think you're spectacular. I love everything I've seen you do. It's so good.

I'm so happy for you. Also just a rad story for it to all come together. Yeah. Really cool. After just fucking battling.

Minnie Mouse
Four seasons. Four seasons, brother. What's the craziest thing you ever saw? Waiting tables there? I'd like to see what the celebrities tipped.

Sebastian Maniscalco
So Shaq would come in Sunday by himself, sometimes come up in one of those cars that has a convertible, like, 1950s car. Order a fruit plate with a coffee. Felt like I was serving a giant. I had to bring out big spoon.

Dan Shepard
Serving spoon. Serving spoon. Yeah. You just leave $100 under the plate every time. No check, no nothing.

Sebastian Maniscalco
Just very generous. Sean Penn would come in as a regular and kind of be a little trepidatious about waiting on him. Just because you're scared. Yeah, scared. Who knows?

Dan Shepard
Tuna roll. For me. Coming from the northwest suburbs of Chicago in 1998. Next thing you know, I'm waiting on Nicole Kidman. It was exciting.

I would have loved that. Did you have to police yourself about putting on too good of a show for him? You must have wanted their approval. I would have been, like, tap dancing every time I brought the fruit plate. The only guy I was like that with was Jerry Seinfeld, because I felt like he gave me the energy to be a little bit more open.

Cause a little more extra. Yeah. Four seasons was very, you know, don't say anything. This is not casting. Yeah, but with Jerry, I kind of goofed around with him, and we had a good exchange and actually remembered it.

I was gonna say. Cause you're in his movie now. That's coming out. Yeah, I'm frosted. And I did comedians in cars with him, and I told him that I worked.

Sebastian Maniscalco
He goes, I remember you there. How cool. So, yeah, it was a great place to work for seven years. Do you feel like you're in that party? The comedian party?

Dan Shepard
I mean, getting to do comedians in cars. Yeah. It's like almost a Johnny Carson getting called over to the couch vibe. Exactly. Exactly.

Sebastian Maniscalco
I feel like I'm in that comedy community with stand ups. Yeah. I feel like I'm in the game. I feel like I'm in that. Good.

Dan Shepard
You are. Well, you are. You deserve that feeling. Well, thank you. Yeah.

Where do people go to get tickets? Sebastianlive.com is where you get your tickets for the tour. It ain't right. Starting July 11 in Norfolk, Virginia, the aforementioned Norfolk, Virginia. A lot of blue dots.

Minnie Mouse
Let's clear out those blue dots. Red state blue dots.

Dan Shepard
Well, Sebastian, this is awesome, man. Great meeting you. I appreciate you having me on. Take care. Stick around for the fact check.

Because they're human, they make lots of mistakes. Update. Okay. And behind the curtain, we recorded Thursday's fact check yesterday. Yes.

Because we normally have a. A bigger gap. Yeah. Yeah. But a lot's happened in the last 24 hours.

Yes. We're not out of material, as luck would have it. Exactly. The peel has started to really kick in. Now we have actual peeling.

Yes. But again, and you likely won't believe me, you can't see it from across the room at all. I could only see it when we were standing in the very harsh sunlight on the stairs when you first came and said, oh, no, it's begun.

Well, really, this is like a really sick. The universe was really. I don't know what lesson it's trying. To teach you that I don't deserve love. That the day that the peeling started.

And this is a very broad Easter egg, but two of the handsomest guests we've ever had in one day. Two very handsome men. Men. Guests in the attic today. I knew that.

Minnie Mouse
Well, first of all, the second guess was added to the calendar later than the original decision. Yeah. Or what? Anyway, I saw on the calendar what this week looked like, and I had to do the emoji that you hate. You had to say whatever.

Yeah, I had to say whatever. Like, this is my life. This is me. Does the emoji stick their tongue out? Cause when you do that emoji, you also stick your tongue out.

Dan Shepard
I'm not sure if that's true. She doesn't, but she wants to. But, yeah, it's probably good for me. Well, two things. One, neither of these men are eligible.

They're both eligible? Isn't he married? Neither of them are married. I thought he was married. Talked about his wife multiple times.

They're both divorced. Oh, my God. I guess it's good you're finding out now they were eligible. Maybe. Can you just text him and tell him about my face?

I was really, really on the fence. I was like, I know this person well enough and trust this person. I almost want to just get it out for you. Hey, Monty's. She had a peel and she's.

You're gorgeous. And, like, I. But I was like, you know, in the past, whenever I weighed into that area. Yeah. I generally choose wrong, so I was like, I'm just gonna.

If she wants to do it. But I did feel like for the. Second guess, for the second guessing. So you would have liked that? I would have.

Minnie Mouse
And I thought, oh, I'm just gonna. Say, let's just get it out in the open. Yeah. But then I was like, I don't need to take up time to talk about my face. Oh, I see.

Dan Shepard
You saw it as a growth opportunity. Yeah. I just don't need to take time out to talk about myself. And then what? He's gonna be like, oh, it's fine.

Minnie Mouse
Like, what's he gonna say? It is good for me to just say, like, I look bad. Hold on. And that's. Be careful with language.

Dan Shepard
How about you don't look your best? Cause even you not looking your best still looks good. I don't think we can co sign on. You look bad. You're not at your optimum looks.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah. Cause my skin is peeling off. That's right. It's in the. You're molting.

I'm molting. As my witch says, this is what. What creatures do. It's very natural. It's so natural.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. And I am getting excited. Oh, you are? That's good. I'm getting excited about it.

Minnie Mouse
To come off and have baby skin. Also, there's just something about knowing when you're at the bottom of something and things are only gonna get better. Exactly. It's kind of nice. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
It's almost the definition of depression. Right. Where you think the future's gonna be worse than the present. This is like, well, it can't get worse. It's gonna get.

It's like forcing can only get better. The problem is with depression, you don't think that that's true? You don't have any optimism. Speaking of. Yeah, so sorry.

I was holding a lot of my yawns in. Cause it's been a long day. And I want you to think of. Do not read any of this as disinterest, maximum interest level. I've gone up on my medication.

Right. I did go up on my medication. I have mentioned on here before that I've been keeping an eye on my depression. Yep. Yeah.

I think we've all been tracking that. Oh, God. In the comments. No, no, not at all. But you have been vocal about it several times over the last two months.

Minnie Mouse
I have, yeah. Yeah. And so I was keeping an eye on it, and at a point, I decided that it was important for me to adjust slightly. This is. Boy, we're in a real pattern, which is similar to me trying to figure out whether I should say to our guests, hey, Monica had appeal.

Dan Shepard
Let's just talk about that and similar. And, of course, I have this with Kristen as well. Like, when you have a friend who has depression and is medicated and you notice they're struggling for a really long period of time, I'm trying to decide whether it's my place to suggest, like, hey, do you want to look at your dosage? Yeah. Yeah.

A. I'm very supportive, and I'm very grateful that that was your conclusion, because I had several times wanted to suggest. That, well, you care. I care. I know.

And I have a friend who's suffering, and I think unduly and not fairly. There isn't, like, if you had shit collapsing around you and stuff, and there were a lot of things, then obviously, that would make sense. But this felt like undue suffering. So what I feel is that there was something I went through earlier in the year, beginning of the year, and what I feel like happened is I got, like, shaken, and when all the pieces went back into place, one piece did not go back into place fully. The puzzle piece is, like, halfway in, some jagged edges not clicked in, but the medication has helped just snap it back into place.

Minnie Mouse
And doesn't mean I'm happy. It doesn't mean it fix any of the problems. It's just. It doesn't feel insurmountable. Right.

Dan Shepard
To me, that's what. From the outside, it seems like it's like we're all gonna have challenges and we're all gonna have to struggle, but depression can make it that you are unable to take up the fight in the way that you need to. Exactly. I definitely understand your position. Like, I would struggle, too.

Minnie Mouse
It's hard to know. I can't promise you that's the hard. Like, I can't promise you. If you had said it, that it. Would have been met with well received.

Dan Shepard
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a very, very tricky thing. Cause you're already depressed. And now I'm basically saying, I know you're depressed. Yeah.

And, yeah. But also, this is a little tricky because I said it right. I'm like, I'm keeping an eye on this. I know I'm not fully where I should be, but I think it'll pass. Or, you know, being pretty vocal about that, which I think makes it actually easier for you to.

Yeah, in a way, you're inviting me. Into the conversation, but depending on when you said it, I might not have been able to hear it. I might have. I don't know. And I will say, callie told me.

Ah, good. And I was like, yeah, I have to. Okay, good. I was texting with her. Oh.

Minnie Mouse
It was when I was home for Mother's Day. I texted her, happy Mother's day. Her first mother's day. So exciting. Inaugural.

Yes. And she asked how the show was. She asked about me. And I was like, yeah. And to me, what I was saying was pretty inane.

Dan Shepard
Let's see if there's a geological record of it. Yeah, yeah, it does. It is pretty. Does it read a little different? Pretty dire.

Is your memory a little different than. What now the archaeological record is showing happy Mother's day. To exclamation. Hope you got your two second hug. She had said that was what she wanted for Mother's Day.

Minnie Mouse
It was like a hug from her child longer than our baby boy. She said it came close to at least 2 seconds. And I said, good job. Her baby's name. And then she said, how was your event?

I said, was really fun. Glad I did it. I was dreading it a little. And then she said, yay. Do one in LA, please.

And then I said, oh, here we go. I've been dreading a lot these days. There we go. And she said, I'm sorry. And I said, it's fine.

And then she said, a lot of events like that, or just a lot of different things. And I said, just a little anxious, I guess it'll pass. And then she said, have you talked to your psychiatrist about it? Yeah. That's the safest way to say it because you're not actually saying, I think you need to do x, y or z.

Dan Shepard
It's just like, hey, have you? Totally. And her and I. I've done that for her. If another alcoholic says something to me, it's a little different.

Minnie Mouse
I know. It's helpful if you yourself have experience with it. I know which I don't like. Cause I wanna be able to hear it from everyone, and I should be able to. And I want you to be able to hear it from people who aren't just in your club, you know, because it affects everybody.

Both of these things do. But there is something about her that I have. I just have so much gratitude, and I've been thinking about it for a bit, and I think you have this with Aaron, I believe, like, there is no agenda ever. Well, you. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
With her total trust and unconditional love and no judgment both ways. Exactly. And that's Aaron and I. Aaron, I can. You know, Aaron can tell me anything.

Yeah. And he knows there will be an ounce of judgment. Yeah. I'll just be like, oh, yeah, I feel for you. I know.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah. It's more than not having judgment, because I do feel I'm fairly blessed with that in many relationships. I don't know. I don't know how to. I don't know how to explain it, because I don't even think it's.

I was telling one person about this, and they're like, yeah, sisters. And I was like, it's not even that. Like, it's something else. I just know in, like, my cells that she only wants the best for me. There's no other goal.

Dan Shepard
Yep. And you just said the word that I most identify with Aaron, which is somewhere along the way, I have infused him into my body. Like, that's not an exaggeration, that he's in my DNA. Yeah, I know. It's very special.

Oh, my God. I'm so lucky. So shout out Aaron and Callie. Good job, guys. Yeah, good job.

I can only hope they feel that way about us. I sure hope they do. I do. So I think my young son does. I think Callie does, too.

Minnie Mouse
She's not my son, but she is my daughter. Yeah. No, she's not. That's another. Like, we don't have that either.

I would say almost every other relationship in my life. There's a tiny bit of that. Someone's playing a little bit of a role at some. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't. Yeah. Aaron and I is interesting because I think on the surface, you could go like, oh, well, that's a lopsided. I don't think that, by the way. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
But he and I have this weird understanding of what that means, which is very mutually lovely for both of us in a way that no one's in a lesser role or a power dynamic. It's just I live to care for that boy. I know. It's so sweet. That's why each relationship's so specific and so different.

Minnie Mouse
I'm very grateful for her and that friendship, and I have other ones that I'm as grateful for, but they're different. Like, even Kristen and I have a very, I think, interesting for a long time, like, maternal baby dynamic, but. And it would switch around because I was also working for her and so I was taking care of a lot of her. You were her mom sometimes. And she was very maternal towards me, and that was very symbiotic.

That worked really well. Yeah. They can take all these shapes. They do. It's just funny.

And, I mean, being fully honest, I think, and I won't speak for her, but I feel that part of when I left that position that was hard. For us, you had to redefine. Exactly. Yeah. We were in such a clicked in dynamic that didn't exist anymore when we were not working together.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. That's really common. Just in general, even on parenthood, you go to set and I'm Adam's little brother, and I am. And then we hang out and go for a hike, and it's like, I'm not Adam's little brother. I'm like a peer.

And so I think it's common for people to have. Have, like, different relationships in different contexts. And some people manage those wells and some don't. I've had friendships where it's like, the dynamic change dramatically and we didn't do well with it. Right, exactly.

Minnie Mouse
You have to work at it and maybe sometimes it's easier than others. Yeah. Or Joey and I, we're at work and we're married. Right. And then we go get some grilled brazilian chicken.

Dan Shepard
And clearly we're not married. We're bros. That part of the acting is very funny. Odd. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Minnie Mouse
Very, very odd. Anywho, well, the results are in, per the comment section. And I'm weirdly delighted to report this. I don't know why, but many people said they do go straight to the fact check. That's lovely.

Dan Shepard
It's very common. I like that you do? I don't like it in that I don't want the guests to not be heard, but I like it. Well, we love you guys out there who love the fact check. Very flattering.

Minnie Mouse
It is extremely flattering. Anyhow, very far behind the curtain today. Almost in my underwear because my face is peeling off. Some very vulnerable. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
The new baby you is coming out. I'm not supposed to pick. Yeah. Must be really hard. You gotta get a fidget toy.

Minnie Mouse
I did pick one piece off. Oh, fuck. I would have done the same thing. I can't be judgmental, but you need a fidget toy for this duration. How many days do we think the molecule?

I think it's moving at a rapid pace. Okay. I think by the next time I see you. Yeah. I'll look like a baby.

Dan Shepard
Oh, baby. Okay. Yeah. Will you wear that dress from that? Yeah.

You should get a full size version of that dress made. You can afford it. You should hire somebody. If Mary Kate and Ashley make it, I'll buy it. I'll wear it, I'll wear it.

Minnie Mouse
Speaking of Peter, I'm still watching 6ft under. Okay. You got. Still loving it. You got back in.

I did realize something since we've spoken. Yes. Since last night. Okay. Or yesterday.

Dan Shepard
There's been an update. Cause I watched a couple episodes last night. Yeah. And I realized, I think I had started it at some point in my life before. Yeah.

Minnie Mouse
And I remembered why I stopped. Too much death. Not specifically too much death in the actual show, but, you know, the cold open is a death. There's a death every episode. How we meet the corpse.

Exactly. It's how we meet the corpse. And it's, to me, incredible storytelling debate. Like, I think it's so fun. Yeah.

It's a weird procedure, and sometimes they're funny and sometimes they're horrific. Like, there was a sids. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Like, and then I remembered.

Oh, yeah. I think I stopped because all I could see walking through the world while I was watching it was ways I could die. You have had always a healthy fear of death. I wouldn't say healthy, but. Oh, right.

Dan Shepard
An unhealthy fear of death, probably. Boy, are you and I on opposite ends of that spectrum. It's just kind of comical. I know. I mean, I just don't ever think about it.

I'm not afraid of it at all. It's not that I'm afraid of dying. I'm actually not. I die, die, you know, like, I won't know. I don't want someone to leave my universe.

Yeah. And so that is sort of all I could see is, like, how vulnerable everyone is all the time, which is scary to me, but I'm getting better at it. But I have these, like, I'll have these dark fears play out when we're all together. The family on a flight, let's say. Yeah.

And even when I have that terrible feeling thought I go right to, like, what an experience we had together. And we're all gonna shut the light switch off at the same time. Well, that's different. Okay. Cause I agree.

Minnie Mouse
Like, if we're all going out at the same time, I'm not scared of that. Yeah. I kind of go straight to the gratitude of, like, God, I met these people. God, I met these people. But I'm.

But it's about them leaving you while you're alive. Yeah, that's un. Exactly. That's like an unspeakable. We can't think about it or talk about it.

Dan Shepard
Oh, my God, I finally understand Voldemort. Yeah. He who shall not be named. Yeah. Just recklessly.

Oh. And right now, Kristen got sent a script. It's like a modern retelling of Macbeth. Oh. And she literally will not say it.

She will not say Macbeth. She's such a theater girl. I know, it's so ridiculous. I thought it was only in the theater. I did, too, but it's in our bathroom as well.

And I'm like, wow, we're really not gonna. And I'm saying it, and she does not like when I say it. If she were a knock on word. If she doesn't want, you know, it's. Preposterous because I think the fill in for it is the scottish play.

Minnie Mouse
Scottish play? Yeah. Which is what? We're preposterous. We're saying the same thing.

Dan Shepard
What are we saying? I like it in the context of the theater because it's a, like, family thing. Like, it's probably in a movie theater that is running out of the room right now because they heard it out loud. Hear it? I don't think they are.

Minnie Mouse
Yes, they are. It's insane. Yes, they are. And then she had to bring up the hat on the bed. She's like, but that's real.

Dan Shepard
I'm like, well, that is real. That's the difference. Oh, my God. I agree with her. If you have yours, she gets to have hers.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah. It is really funny. She'll go like, well, in this telling of the scottish play, I would play the scottish play or whatever. Oh, really? I don't know.

How is she gonna do press? She takes this on. Well, this would be great. I hope she does it just to see her try to promote this movie without saying, by the way, a lot of people probably don't know. I don't.

Dan Shepard
I would have never known this if I hadn't married a theater person. But you're not allowed to say Macbeth in a theater. Yes, that's right. Because there's been some legendary. Like some sandbags fell on people or something.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah, there's just theater lore. What is it? So the actor playing Lady Macdathan Mitt. Oh, geez, Rob, you just made it worse. Lady Macbeth unexpectedly died in the first show, and then an actor stabbed King Duncan with a dagger instead of the prop knife, killing him on stage.

Dan Shepard
This is like in the 16 hundreds or something. 15 hundreds. Yeah, I guess it just has bad juju. Everyone knows playing Macbeth. Let's just also acknowledge that, well, you know, girls weren't allowed.

Minnie Mouse
I know. On stage. So you got a guy playing the scottish play. Okay, listen, I. You don't like to say it.

No, I won't say it in a theater. Now you won't. That's where you draw the line. Yes, because I also grew up in that world. But I don't think it's a thing to not say it outside.

Dan Shepard
Well, it is for her. It shan't be said. It's like, I guess, Voldemort. Do you say Voldemort? Yeah.

Okay. I'm not gonna right now. Okay. No, I say Voldemort. I wonder if the power.

I wonder if we should have like some kind of submersion therapy, the three of us, where we'll get in a room, we'll put all the hats on the bed, we'll start chanting Macbeth. Oh, Voldemort. Macbeth. We should do this in a theater. Yeah, we should put a.

Minnie Mouse
Really do it. Yeah. What are you gonna do about Terrence Posner? How do we make this the most sacrilegious. No, I'm not.

Mine's gonna be more of a. Not wood. No, it's gotta be a theater in Hogwarts with a bed on the stage, covered in hats and will chant. But I'm like, Harry, I say it. Oh, Harry says it.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. Cuz Harry doesn't want to give him the power. And I don't either. That's my point. Although I don't think it's really your point.

I don't think so either. I just jumped onto yours. Yeah, but we could do a no wooden site and then just horrible someone nonstop. Yeah. Okay.

Minnie Mouse
I don't want us to do this. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you.

Dan Shepard
It's also funny to me that I can do the knocking for you. Yeah, that's also a weird rule in all this. But I mean, all the rules are completely arbitrary, so it does make sense at the same time. Oh, boy. Brains.

Brains. Okay. But anyway, the Peter thing. Ding, ding, ding. Because on this episode you're talking about first season of parenthood.

Minnie Mouse
And you said 18 or 20 episodes. Season one had 13 episodes. True. We were mid season. I think I meant season two.

Dan Shepard
Season two. We had a weird number. Okay, so we never did 24. You had 22. Oh, we did.

That's a big order on a 1 hour drama. It is. And then 18. Season three, that's when I was thinking of season 3415. You guys were all over the map.

It was a mess. You never knew how many patients. Season five. What? What were they doing?

Minnie Mouse
And then 13 seasons. What a mess. Well, the guests we had on, one of the aforementioned gorgeous men that were on earlier, they were on a show that's gone on for years. And I was really trying to imagine what would have happened if parenthood went on for 20 years. Yeah, what would have?

Well, you would have left, probably. I know. That's weird. So it was perfect. That's why Mike has said that about the good place.

He called it. And for that reason, this is done. And I think it's really smart. I know. Cause it was so pleasurable.

Dan Shepard
So why would I ever wanna walk away? But at the same time, I wanna try a bunch of different things in life, so I don't know. And you want the integrity of the show. You want it to be good. Well, let's assume, though, that it's just always good.

Minnie Mouse
20 seasons. Well, Seinfeld never got bad. Seinfeld was great. The whole. How many seasons?

Dan Shepard
Nine. And friends never got bad. What was that? Ten. There you go.

Minnie Mouse
But ten is the most. 60 minutes is still great. They're on episode kabillion. Okay, I don't think that's the same. That doesn't count.

Dan Shepard
No, it's always sunny in Philadelphia. They're on. I don't know what season. That's true. 18 something crazy.

Minnie Mouse
All right. And still great. So for which one show always sunny? 16. Okay.

Dan Shepard
Yeah, yeah. But I mean, yeah, you gotta assume that parenthood stayed great. And then. Yeah, it would be really. I don't envy these people.

Have to make that decision. Yeah. What? Nothing. I was just thinking about my skin.

Okay. Flaking. Yeah. Yeah. And then I almost said, how much would it cost for both of you guys to eat some of the skin?

Okay, you go first, Rob. But then I didn't, but now I am. Yeah. I think it's a really good. I think it's an important question.

Minnie Mouse
Okay. How big is the chunk? Oh, that's. Let's go dime size. No, that's too big.

That's way too big. I mean, like a booger size. Wait, match head. Can I eat it with something else? Match head.

Dan Shepard
The head of a match. A fiery match. Sure. The head of a match. Can I eat it with something else?

Minnie Mouse
No. You got a raw glass? Yeah. No sides, no salt, no garnishing. Probably, like 25 grand.

Okay, that's a lot. It is. It's pricey. That's a big number. You'd have to be very perverse to be willing to pay that to watch somebody.

Okay, now, well, I want to hear your answer, but what about your own, your own skin? Not that much. $5. And this is also, like, the party thing where probably be loaded. If it was real money.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. If I pulled up 15 grand in a stack of cash right now, you eat her whole face. I'm pretty serious.

Minnie Mouse
Okay. What about you? I would do it for free. Yeah? Yeah.

Dan Shepard
We're besties. That's really why I wanted to ask, because I'll probably have to cut this. So perverted. Okay. This is so nasty.

Oh, great. So when I pulled the tiny piece off earlier, it's so tiny. It's like, yeah, who would notice? I looked at it on my finger, and I had a moment where you're gonna eat it. I was like, I kinda wanna eat this.

Minnie Mouse
I didn't. I didn't. But I wanted to see what it felt like in between my two. Well, here's what I think we could all relate to. So.

Dan Shepard
Yeah, I think where the line is. For people, but don't tell our attractive guests that I said that. But I think eating. There's all these rungs of this. Okay.

Everyone's eating a booger or two. We accept that. Now. I had a lover who would eat their dander. Their.

Minnie Mouse
Yes, yes. And for me, that was too much. But I wasn't judgmental. In fact, I kind of love that she did it. Cause I'm like, this is so unique and weird.

It is unique because I don't even understand it. Well, she'd be scratching. She'd have, like, a scab on her head from dandruff. And then she would, like, pull her finger away, and then she would see, I guess, like a scab or something in her. People are getting sick.

Dan Shepard
And then I would notice that she was just kind of chewing with her front teeth. And I'd go, you're eating your head, aren't you? You're eating your scalp. But it made me love her more. I kind of liked, it was an Olson twin.

Because if she did it, it'd be fun. No, it's not. Anyone famous people would pay money to see. Okay, so that one, obviously, I think you almost have a unanimous group saying they wouldn't eat their dander. I agree.

Okay. Now, what I will chew on all the time is if. When you get a. Like, a callus on your thing and you bite that off with your. It's already in your teeth, and it's so you can feel, like, the fingerprint of it.

You can feel the ridges. Well, exactly. And I will chew on a big chunk of skin from. Not a blister, but a callus. Right.

And I love it. And I'll chew on that all day, and I don't care. I don't swallow it, but if I swallowed it, I wouldn't care. Yeah. I mean, I do that with scab off the skin around my finger.

Minnie Mouse
Do you ever do, like, just chew on this? You get a little from the cuticle. Yeah. And then you get it in your. Between your teeth, and you move it around.

Yeah. But then there were other kids in school that would eat their scabs. Now, I would never do that, but. That part is, like. You see that, though.

No, I knew about scab eaters. Yeah. I think that's more common than we would. Yes. But I thought that was, like, pica.

Dan Shepard
No, I don't think so. But I think your lover maybe had pica a little bit. No. Or, like, 5% sure. I guess everything's a spectrum.

We've learned. Yeah, we've learned one thing. But what I'm saying about my face is similar to the standard. Like, it's not that different. Well, that's my point.

It's all skin off of your body. Exactly. But we draw these kind of arbitrary lines. One's disgusting. Well, this.

I think we all eat our calluses, right? I don't. Cuticle skin. Yeah, cuticle skin. I do.

Minnie Mouse
You. Okay. You do. So most of all of us do. I think so.

Although I try not to do this because my mom probably wouldn't like that, I'm saying. But she used to do it a lot when she was a kid, so. She monitored you a lot? No, her nail. Oh, yeah.

Dan Shepard
We're a mess. Still is completely fucked up. Yeah. I feel really bad for people that have that as a nervous habit. I had so many of them, but that wasn't one of them.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah. This brings us perfectly to this thing I need to address. Cause there was several people in the comments that were upset about my portrayal of OCD when we were interviewing Camila. Okay. Because I was saying, like, having an obsessive mind is also a gift yeah.

Dan Shepard
And we had also been talking about OCD. So I think people. What people? Well, they had two complaints. One is that they don't believe I know what OCD is.

Then they want to say, I'm an expert. I reached out to one. There's a popular one, so I invited one on the show. I like that. Yeah.

Happy to do that. Secondly, they didn't like the notion that I was making it sound like some kind of a blessing be OCD. Many people wrote, it's a horrendous condition that I have, and there's nothing good about it. Oh, okay. Right.

And so I hear them and I respect them. I can't relate to that reaction, to be honest. If I'm listening to someone on a podcast say that they're an alcoholic when they're not, I don't care at all. Yeah. I don't think they're making light of.

Minnie Mouse
My condition, but can I push back a tiny bit? What you can relate to is JD Vance, who wrote about having a hillbilly life and who you believe did not. True. That did bother you. That did bother me.

Dan Shepard
Huh. That's a good. That's a good pushback. The reason I feel entitled to it is I have, technically, OCD. I had crazy tics, and I was plagued by them.

I certainly had OCD. I don't have it now, clearly. So, in a weird way, like, I do feel entitled to identify with that. Cause I did spend eight years of my life completely riddled with all this behavior I did not want to do. And now, yes, I guess now I'm playing it fast and loose with the fact that I also attrude whatever little personality was that person who was thinking that obsessively about things?

I have come to think that that is me, and I like it the same way. I like that I'm an addict. I like that I'm an addict. Now, someone's struggling right now on their first hour of trying to quit something, and they're like, there's nothing to like about being an addict. And that's fine, but that's not my experience.

I have gratitude for it. You're just speaking for. Yeah. I apologize if anyone felt demeaned or trivialized, minimized. I agree.

Minnie Mouse
And I will also say I have an obsessive brain. I don't have OCD, but I do have obsessive thoughts. That's part of what we're just talking about, the death. Do you see it every, like, intrusive thoughts? I have all of that.

Dan Shepard
Right? And it's a big old spectrum. It's a big spectrum. And it used to be much worse for me. But I also.

Minnie Mouse
There are parts of my personality that are connected to that obsessive nature that I am very grateful for. And I don't expect everyone to be grateful for the things they have. No one has to. Everyone can make their own decisions about what they're grateful for and what they're not. I'm only speaking for me at all times.

Dan Shepard
But I know it gets complicated. It gets complicated. I like molesting jokes a lot. There are a lot of survivors that hate that. And they'll tell me, I can't laugh at that.

And I get a little offended by that, which is like, you can't actually tell me how I'm supposed to feel about this experience I had. Right? You get to decide how you feel about it, and I get to decide how I feel about it. I'm not going to change who I am because we don't feel the same way. You're not going to feel worse because other people want you to feel worse.

Minnie Mouse
That's how you break it down. Okay, I have some facts. Updates or facts? I have both. Okay, great.

In this episode, you say, who is this? It's for Sebastian. People already know. They always know. But I don't always know.

Dan Shepard
Not if they skipped ahead. Oh, you're right. They didn't even look. I mean, incredible. Could be Brad Pitt.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, my God. If Brad Pitt got added to the schedule after I had had appeal, what would you do? I would really, honest to God, ask you if we could reschedule it. I really would. Okay.

Dan Shepard
And then now let's play it all out. Yeah. Nope. That's the only day he's ever gonna have available. Would you then decide to not come?

Minnie Mouse
No. Okay. I care, unfortunately, more about this job than I do about your looks. Yeah, you just do full glam or something higher. No, you can't.

You're not allowed to put anything on it. You would if it was Brad Pitt. You're not allowed to, but you would. I don't think it would work. Like, that's the problem.

If it was just color, you could glam, but because it's actual flakes, there's not much difference. It'd be more like taping a mudding job on drywall. They'd have to fill in the separation from the wall. I guess maybe I would wear, like, a mask. Like Covid mask.

Dan Shepard
That or the seawood chicken wear, like. Oh, does she wear, like she has in the past or whatever? That's. There is like a hip. Yeah, that's fun.

That's like a fashion thing. There's like a fashion mask. Aaron. The other day, Aaron's been driving Uber and he answered a call in downtown Detroit. He dropped someone off and down to Detroit.

So another call came in and he went to this address in a fucking dude in a full ski mask got in the car. And only Aaron, who's not afraid of anything, he's like, yeah, this dude with a full ski mask gets in the car and I'm. And I'm think it's a voice memo. And I'm thinking, I would never let some ski masks get in a car with me. And he just drove.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, my God. And the guy was going to work to burgle. No, like, had a real job. Went into his job and wears a face mask. And I saw a guy in the park the other day wearing a full face mask.

Dan Shepard
So I think. I think there's like some interesting. Some quadrant of fashion has people in ski masks. Yeah. So you'd be fine.

Minnie Mouse
I would probably call my witch. I would say a work thing has come up. Emergency. Yeah, this is an emergency. What do I do?

And she hopefully would have a tip. Or two spell or something. Yeah, well, yeah. Some frog legs, some nude eyes. No, I'm not.

I'm feeling a little anxious about calling her witch. Okay. You don't think she would like that? The dark arts? I think she.

Dan Shepard
Voldemort. I would think it was Foldy. And I don't want it to get back to her. Cause I will die without her anyway. I would do that.

Minnie Mouse
And I would show up and you'd get through it. I'd get through it. But I would be so sad. And I would want you to do everything in your power to make sure I didn't have to experience that. Right.

Dan Shepard
What would be. What could I do? Keep distracting him every time he looks at you? Hey, Brad. No, no, I want him to look at me.

Minnie Mouse
This is the problem. Yes. Okay, well, look, there's a chance, too. What if I didn't look vascular that day? Impossible.

Ew, bar. I thought that's what you were saying, stop for. No, I was saying stop. Is it? And don't make that equivalency.

Cause that's not even close. You know what? You know what I would do? Or I would ask you to do what? Get appeal.

Dan Shepard
Oh, jeez. Oh, my God. And when he sat down and go, oh, I'm so sorry. We had an acid leak in here. Yeah.

Or act like there was some kind of workplace or eating each other's skin. Money's changing hands. Yeah, exactly.

Minnie Mouse
How do we get on this? I totally forget. Anywho, he's never gonna come on now that's hears that I had a peel. No, that we're all gonna have peels and eating each other's skin and stuff. I think it sounds fun, memorable.

Okay. I checked with Anna because we bring up Santa in this episode. And you said in Venezuela they say. That no Santa cause no snow. No.

And I was pretty sure you were wrong about that. Cause it's mainly baby Jesus. But I checked with Anna and she said. She said, I've heard it before in the way that, like, a parent is trying to lie. Of course.

Where the kids see Santa on tv and they ask, and then they would say, oh, we don't have Santa. It's such a simple answer. Yeah, baby Jesus. Baby Jesus brings the presents and stuff. Yeah, very generous, baby.

Dan Shepard
Yeah, very generous, baby. Yeah, good baby. Okay. You didn't know about this guy. His name is Joe Lapuma and he has a show called sneaker shopping.

Minnie Mouse
It's a YouTube show and it's really good. I've seen it. You watch that? Well, you had seen it before. Yeah.

And he has people on and, you. Know, they talk sneaks. Yeah. And then they, like, pick out sneakers and stuff. It's pretty cool.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. That's a good idea for a show. Anywho, cool show. Check it out. I recommend the Ben and Matt one, obviously.

So that's a slam dunk cross promotion for air. That is what it was for. That's why you had seen it. Yeah. Okay.

Minnie Mouse
Now there was a big debate over how much the air Jordan was when it came out. Oh, yeah. Okay. Air Jordan won. Designer Peter Moore, released 1985.

Dan Shepard
Wow. Long before I was in the market for them. Original price, $65. I don't doubt that you said a hundred. I'm talking fours.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, well, he had said 50. Maybe that was the confusion because I. Had to talk mine down. It certainly was probably the fours. 1989 was the release.

Original price, $110. There we go. That's why I had to get $10 off that price tag for my mom to buy them for me. Fives were 125. These are original prices.

Threes were 100. Maybe he was talking about threes. He said $50, so he must have been talking about the original. And he was $15 short. Yeah, but he and I are the same age, so.

Dan Shepard
85. He was ten. Getting these shoes, probably. That's wild. Although, funny enough, I went to my cousin's birthday party last night.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, yeah. At a chinese restaurant in Sherman Oaks. My uncle Randy's in town. Fun. Yeah, it was great.

Dan Shepard
Jason's birthday, and my cousin Jamie was there. They're two and four years younger than me, so I was kind of their older cousin. It was so fun. I would go over to my uncle Randy's house. They had a ton of toys.

They had it good. My uncle Randy really doted on those boys. And I'm looking at pictures of them as little kids at this birthday party and just blown away with how cute they were. Unbelievably cute. We're looking at pictures.

Minnie Mouse
Okay. Sorry. My uncle Randy Brooks brought a bunch of photo albums to. Got it. But they're adults now.

Dan Shepard
Yeah. Jason was turning 44. Okay. And Jamie's 47, which very much tripped me. And they're both boys.

Boys, yeah. Cause Jamie's a misleading name. Could go either way. Yeah. But I'm looking at these pictures and I already knew Jamie had it good.

Cause he had a very enviable garbage pail kids club. That was the currency of the day when I was a kid. You wanted certain ones and you had to buy a ton of packs to get these really coveted ones. And he had them all. He had the full sink.

Minnie Mouse
So were they rich? No. My uncle worked in the union for the Bakers union. He did end up becoming the president of it. But they lived in, like, a modest house.

Dan Shepard
But they had all the shit. They had the great cereal. They had a cool stereo system. You know, they had good stuff. Anyway, all this is saying, look at these pictures.

And I realized fucking eight year old Jamie had Jordan ones on. Fuck. And I was like, she had jordans when we were a little kid. I didn't even notice that. And Randy was like, yeah, I had to get him Jordans.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, my gosh. She was like eight years old. And he had dollar 65 shoes. Wow. My uncle Randy is so fucking sweet.

Dan Shepard
He brought with him. Cause he's visiting from Michigan. And he brought photo albums which were so fun to look at. And then he brought a poem he wrote about his boys, little, called two beautiful boys. And he read it.

Minnie Mouse
Oh, my God, it was so sweet. And then he cold cocked me and he pulled out a letter I wrote him when I was 25 thanking him for being such a great uncle and how I lived daily, haunted by the fact that I didn't tell my papa Bob how much he meant to me. And then I didn't want to make that mistake again. Do you remember doing it? It's funny, because I still have the same urge.

Dan Shepard
Like, I really want Uncle Randy to know what a great uncle he was and how fun he was and involved. And I was, like, relieved. I did do that when I was 25, but I weirdly still feel like I haven't and I need to. Was it because you don't feel like you talk about him enough? What do you mean?

I bear his name. My middle name ran. I know, but you never talk about it. I guess I don't. But I didn't know you felt that way about him.

Oh, my God. I loved him, Monica. He and my aunt sue, they were so fun. They were younger than my parents. He drove a corvette.

He had a motorcycle. Took me for a ride on his street motorcycle. He had this kick ass sound system in the basement. And the first time I ever heard erotic city by Prince, which was never on the radio. And nor was it on one of the lp's.

It was a backside of a 45. And he had. Every time we were at his house, he dance party in the basement and we would listen to erotic city. So he was your dad's brother? Yeah, younger brother.

And he was a good time Charlie. And he and my mom were really great friends. Cause my mom was younger than my dad by one year, and then Randy was one year younger than her. So in high school they were friends and they had tons of great times together. But, yeah, he was just.

He took us to the drive in all the time. Wow. Beautiful, man. I'm glad you said it. Finally.

I know. All right, that's my two cent on Uncle Randy. Wow.

Minnie Mouse
In this episode, you said incongruous. Yeah, I always do. Just saying. I don't say incongruous. I know.

I'm just saying. You said it last episode. We talk about the words you say all the time. And one was that. And then in this episode, you say it right away.

Dan Shepard
Delivered immediately. On promise. Exactly. I don't think I said over indexing on that one. I have 33 minutes left, so I have some time.

Minnie Mouse
Uh huh. Okay. There's a chance. Okay. When was the Easter Bunny invented?

I'm gonna talk about what history.com says. Cause that's very trusted. Even though it's not an.org. according to some sources, the Easter bunny first arrived in America in the 17 hundreds with german immigrants who settled in Pennsylvania and transported their tradition of an egg laying hare called osterhaas, or oesterhas. Not as cute.

Their children made nests in which this creature could lay its colored eggs. So that's how it started. Eventually, the custom spread across the United States and the fabled rabbit's Easter morning deliveries expanded to include chocolate and other types of candy and gifts, while decorated baskets replaced nests. Additionally, children often left out carrots for the bunny in case he got hungry from all of his hopping. Why wouldn't he eat some of the chocolate he was carrying?

Well, he. He's the last guy I'm worried about being hungry. He's moving around with tons of food. He doesn't want to eat the kid's chocolate. He's very nice.

Dan Shepard
Sure there's enough for him and us. Bunnies can eat chocolate. They're like dogs. Little dogs. Really?

You're guessing? Probably. Oh, my God. Okay, now I'm on wikipedia. Okay.

Minnie Mouse
The Easter bunny, also called the Easter rabbit or Easter Hare, is a folkloric figure and symbol of. I just realized that that's something wina would do is put hare and mean bunny. Yep. Just keep your eyes out for that. Yeah.

Dan Shepard
Chocolate is dangerous to rabbits. Okay, that's good to know. Folkloric figure and symbol of Easter, depicted as a rabbit, sometimes dressed with clothes. Bringing Easter eggs. Originating among german Lutherans, the Easter Hare originally played the role of a judge evaluating whether children were good or disobedient in behavior at the start of the season of Easter tide.

I knew it. Similar to the naughty or nice list made by Santa Claus, as part of the legend, the creature carries colored eggs in its basket, as well as candy and sometimes toys to the homes of children. As such, the Easter bunny again shows similarities to Santa and Christmas by bringing gifts to children on the night before holiday. The custom was first mentioned in Georg Franck von Frankenau's diavol.

It sounded like you went into polish there. A little bit. Translated to about Easter eggs. In 1682, referring to a german tradition of an Easter hare bringing eggs for the children. So that was the original thing we talked about.

But do we know when it became a nationally accepted, where everyone, non Christians and Christians alike, are celebrating it? Like, same with Christmas? Like, just over time, it becomes non denominational? I mean, my parents never did Easter. That was something they could not get on board with.

That's fair. I don't miss it. But you can't miss what you don't know. I said that. Interesting.

I don't know. I coined that. Okay. That's my phrase. People began to celebrate it.

It was until after the civil war they began to celebrate Easter. Maybe a bit of a healing, maybe. Yeah. But I don't think that probably still wasn't non Christians for a while. Like now it's just everyone.

It was led by Presbyterians, apparently. Yeah, they're Christians. Yeah, they sure are. Some of our best. I love Sebastian.

Minnie Mouse
Yeah, he was cool. Yeah. All right. Love you, love.

Dan Shepard
Love you, love.

Sebastian Maniscalco

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Early Years

2: Breakthrough

3: Family Influence

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Guest Name(s):

Content Warnings:

Transcript