Maya Rudolph

Dax Shepard
Welcome, welcome. Welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dax shepherd. I'm joined by Lily Padman, and my old buddy Rudy is here today. Oh, what a long time coming.

Monica Padman
So long. We've been trying to get her from those early days, from the jump. She wasn't ready, and now she is. She wasn't, and now she is. But, yeah.

Dax Shepard
In fact, I've had people, rightly so go. Where's Maya? Aren't you guys pals? I know. And then they probably think you were lying about that, but the lie today, you weren't.

Yes. Or that. She's a tremendous actor, which she is. She's an Emmy award winning actor and a comedian. Some of my very favorite SNL sketches in the history of Sarian live.

Bridesmaids, grownups, big mouth. Of course, idiocracy, where she and I became besties. And now season two of loot out on Apple TV, which is fantastic. I'm delighted that we interviewed her. Cause now I'm into loot, and I think you will be, too, so please enjoy that.

Monica Padman
I really enjoyed this. I really did, too. She's wonderful. She's as good as they come. And you know that.

Even if you don't know her, like, you're kind of like, I think she's great. But then she delivers. In any other occupation, this wouldn't be a great compliment, but in our occupation, it is the ultimate compliment. She's so normal. Yeah, right?

Dax Shepard
She's such a normal ass human being. Yes. Yes. I love it a lot. She tells some fun stories.

Wow. And her willingness to go to Olga's, which I maintain. Whatever you hear about olgas, don't listen to anything I love and still love old ghosts. Please enjoy. Maya Rudolph.

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He's an object.

Maya Rudolph
Will you explain the olive oil to me, please? Oh, yeah, yeah. You do it in your coffee. I do. I don't use cream, but I miss some kind of a fat in there.

Dax Shepard
And so let me tell you the whole story of this olive oil. Actually. I really like it. I do love that olive oil. What do you already know about it?

Maya Rudolph
I don't know much about it. I just know it was, like, the first fancy olive oil you could buy in a grocery store. And I'd be like, oh, my God. This has augmented my salads. Yeah, like, this is a real.

Monica Padman
It shouldn't be for cooking. It should be for dressing up your. Food tasting, sucking, lubricating. But now there's so many artisanal. I'm sorry.

Maya Rudolph
I don't think people normally wear spoke. I was told to put makeup on in case we took a photo. I don't normally wake up with makeup on, but I was so nervous that I was told that. That I was like, they know something. I don't know.

I better put some fucking lipstick on. We do take a couple photos. So you're ahead of the game, and. You look beautiful, right? Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Truly, always. Okay, so back to this olive oil. Cause I think you'll really appreciate this. So Kristen and I were at a really nice hotel in Utah, a Holiday inn. They had olive oil in a little bowl, and I dipped in some bread, and I tasted it, and I was like, oh, my God.

That's the first time I've really been like, wow, olive oil. So I asked one of the guys working there, is it okay if you tell me the brand of that olive oil you guys use? And he's like, yes. I'll be right back. And he was gone for quite a long time.

Maya Rudolph
I don't know what's about to happen. And then he came back, and he leaned down into me. Cause it was a very nice restaurant. And he said, ah, yes, sir, the olive oil is extra virgin. And then he went, I love him.

Dax Shepard
I know. I loved him so much. And, of course, now I don't know what to do, because I want him to think he got me the right information. And also, that's not gonna get me to this olive oil brand. Actually, that is the best olive oil.

Maya Rudolph
Story I've ever heard. I kinda thought you would wanna know that part of it. So anyways, I did end up finding out it was this lademio, or however you say it. I always say lal theme. Oh, papa P.

Dax Shepard
Mama mi. I have no idea. I don't think I've ever said it out loud. I don't know that I have either. But I remember back in the day you'd go to the Gelson's isles if you were starting to really get fancy.

To really enjoy your wealth. Yeah, I guess Aaron was around, but I was doing whole foods then. Yeah, I was like, get the laudamio. Do whatever you can. If you come back without the ladonnial mio, don't even come back La Don.

If they don't have a la dole in the Omeo, turn around, walk the fuck out of there. How are we not hearing any of that construction? This is incredible. This has a synthetic bubble around it. You did something great.

I did do something. So anyways, I like this so much. I was dipping everything could in it and I was pouring it on everything. And then one day I was like, I wonder how it tastes in coffee. Just curious.

Maya Rudolph
Recently there was a Starbucks olive oil situation. I know. So that's why I was asking. Because you clearly are good at, like, forecasting food trends. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. That's what I was thinking. I know. And I'm not even gonna act like that. Yes.

And I'm not even gonna deny it. Cause it's known I am so good at that. Yeah. No, but I've been doing Monica, right? For eight years.

Monica Padman
Oh, wow. Ten, I think, actually. Well, it used to be butter. You've heard, like, the butter. That's what I was thinking.

Maya Rudolph
Is the butter biohacking bulletproof? That was a part of it. And instead of putting butter in there, I was like, well, I guess it's the fat that prevents you from peaking and crashing. I don't know if any of that's real, but I just started doing it, and now I just really love the taste of it. Do you just pour it in or do you froth it?

Thank you. Did you say magic bowl at a time? No, I said emulsify. Well, Monica's a chef. I know cooking terms.

Are you a chef? Amateur. To say no more. You've got my heart. You can come over.

I'll cook for you. I love it. I have four children, and my dream is one of them is interested in becoming a chef. Just one, so that you can enjoy it or for their. Oh, yeah, that's a good idea.

For me to enjoy their culinary prowess. Yes. Do you like cooking? I do, but I haven't been cooking lately. And then if we go on vacation and rent a house, I'm like, I'm gonna chat.

I like playing house in that way. But I am doing construction, and I'm building a genuinely exciting kitchen. First time in my life. Okay. At the house I've been to next door.

Same vibe. Okay, great. Too many buildings. Too many buildings. Same property.

One patch of grass. Nice. Same exact house. Where you found the wolf spider. I have that on my list of things.

Dax Shepard
I thought that was a tarantula, but it's not. It was a tarantula. Let's be honest. Someone was just trying to be cool about it. Entomologist or something.

Maya Rudolph
It was a fucking wolf spider. Are tarantulas and wolf spider is the same thing? You tell me. No one knows what a wolf is. Nobody cares.

See that thing? You don't care? No. It was bigger than a hockey puck. I thought you were smaller than a frisbee.

It was bigger than a hot dog. That would be a terrible reference point. Longer than a coat hanger. No, but it was not as big as a frisbee, and it was bigger than a hockey puck. First of all, for you to think anything is big means it was scary.

Yeah. It was enormous. And it felt like it shouldn't be in Los Angeles. We need more details. What happened?

Monica Padman
You were outside. We were at my house, and we had recently replaced the air conditioner. So I think some big unit had come out, and some big guy was living there for a while. A big. Big boy.

Dax Shepard
Big boy. It was probably, like a pound, I bet. A handlebar. No, no. Its eggs were visible.

Maya Rudolph
Like chicken eggs. Yeah. Girthy. And then when we were just walking out of the house, it was in the walkway, and all its hairiness was hanging out. It almost looked like a gorilla, if you really think about it.

Monica Padman
Does everyone feel so itchy now? Awful. And by the way, I still live there, so it probably has a family. And I'm sure there's more, but they know how to hide. I was happy when I drove home that night.

Maya Rudolph
I don't have to live there. Yes, well, let me go backwards. Your family home is among the favorite houses I've ever been to in my life. And it's not. Cause it's spectacular in grandeur.

Dax Shepard
Although it does sound like we're putting a lot of buildings on it, which is exciting. I mean, we just bought the house next door, let's be honest. Yeah, yeah. But it is the most quirky authentication real. It's not flashy, but it's like an older kind of wooden ranch.

Everything's wooden. The sinks are wooden, the bathtub's wooden. The shower, the humans are wooden, and. It has more charm than any other house I've ever been in. Truly.

Maya Rudolph
It is true. And then such a sweet setup because there was a horse barn. There was a horse barn, which I think became the garage. And then subsequently, the previous owners had, you will appreciate this, a car garage. Like a mechanic's garage.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Right. Proper. And then Paul put a screen in there, and you would show movies in there. And so we had made this movie together, and it was just never going.

Maya Rudolph
To be seen by anyone, ever. No. And God bless. I'm presuming Paul had the leverage. He got a print of that film so that we could at least see.

It, like dignified actors who worked really hard or something. Let's go back to the fact that didn't you and I march into 20th Century Fox, I remember saying, like, we're just gonna go down there and be like, why didn't it come out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on? Why isn't this movie coming out?

Dax Shepard
Cause I. Of course, I'm not the most optimistic person I started to imagine, well, this must be quite bad. Which made no sense, because you and I were in a film that was written and directed by Mike Judge. How could that be bad? It was called 3001.

Maya Rudolph
How could that be bad? Terry crews put on a show for us. Terry Crews was the president. How could that be bad? Right?

It was you, me, and Luke Wilson in awesome, just in Texas. Oh, Maya. How could that be bad? And then it just got really quiet for a really long time. I want to say, like, a year.

Dax Shepard
And we also did some reshoots while I was doing a different movie that didn't feel. That never feels great. You're not encouraged by that? That feels great. Even worse, you might remember this plot twist.

I was brought in to ADR. My entire character without an accent. Wait, stop. Do you not know this? I think I blocked it out.

Yeah. I was asked to come in there and just do the movie like Dax. Like, go away, Baiton. I like money, too. You like sex and money.

We should hang out. My heart hurt. I know. Because they had determined that it was my terrible character that was making the movie test so horribly. Well, after they changed the title from 3001, which is maybe one of the most brilliant titles I've ever heard about.

Maya Rudolph
A future gone wrong to idiocracy, where the first question is, how do you spell that? Right? What was going on? They just were like, we're scared to put this out. Wouldn't tell us.

Monica Padman
You still don't know. What do we think? Now, as I remember this, everyone has these crazy theories. There are people that think, oh, they went after big companies too hard. I don't believe any of that.

Maya Rudolph
You mean like Fuddruckers? Like Carl's junior? I'm sure Carlton cigarettes was pissed. I bet Starbucks was giving hand jobs out in the movie, right? Yes, lattes were hand jobs.

Dax Shepard
So that was kind of one fringier theory. But in reality, and I hate to defend them, but the movie tested terribly. And Paul's the one who made the very best observation. I'll never forget this. I just wanna say one of my favorite things about good old friends is they remember things that you don't.

Maya Rudolph
Please continue. Yes, same. Paul saw Paul, your husband? Yep. Who's an incredible director.

Dax Shepard
Paul Thomas Anderson. So we are gonna listen to this gentleman. And he saw the movie and he said, well, no wonder this thing tests at 40. Every time. The people that go see free movies they know nothing about are the people being made fun of in the movie.

Monica Padman
Yeah. And I was like, really excited. Oh, my God. That's exactly. God damn it.

Maya Rudolph
That's right. This movie has had so many lives. Because remember before the Trump election, we went out and screened it like, guys, don't let this happen to you. Right, right. Remember this funny.

This funny. And it got not funny so fast. Yes, you're right. And then also it had that weird thing that happens when it's like, we knew it as 3001. That's what we read the first time.

Dax Shepard
And then it got renamed idiocracy. And I was like, I don't like this. It's too on the nose. Yeah. And it's hard.

Maya Rudolph
Cause it's not what you fell in love with. But then, of course, the rest of the world only knows that it's that. And they love it. And so now I don't mind it at all. Same.

Dax Shepard
Would you agree? We made that movie, it came out. I didn't meet anyone for four years that had seen that movie. That's right. So when it was coming out, you and I said, hey, let's go see it.

Maya Rudolph
So that's what we did. We went to the cinema dome and I think you said, call Moviefone. Cause it's not on there. And it was like, oh, it's the untitled Mike judge film. They were hiding it from us.

Dax Shepard
They did not want anyone to see it. No, it was you and me. And we had our own little party in there. And no one knew what I was talking about when I said that. I made this movie for a very long time.

Maya Rudolph
So I'm trying to think what brought it out of this is actually in line with the wolf spider a little bit. They were both in hiding for so long. They were. Oh, my God. And then the light of day hit them somehow.

Somehow. H vac project. I don't even know. I guess it probably made its way to tv. But slowly it just started.

Monica Padman
And by far, the judge became more of a cachet, and people started deep diving into everything he made. It is his weird pattern, though, because also office space had a very similar kind of. It came out. Not a lot of people saw it. Then it became huge.

Dax Shepard
So I would say to this day, that is the movie that people have stopped me about more than any other thing. And do they say, go away, Baitin? They say all kinds of fun stuff. I said, I like money the other day. I like money.

Maya Rudolph
But here's the other thing that's crazy about the movie is the whole time we were like, this is insane. This is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. A professional wrestler for president.

And then it came true so much faster than anticipated. We were shocked. And I bet people started watching it a little bit in the way that Monica watches the same movie of a topic she's nervous about. So, like, during the pandemic, she watched contagion like, 30 times in a row. And then we happened to read an article that people with anxiety rewatch stuff.

Dax Shepard
Cause they know how it ends, right? Ooh. So I think maybe people started anxiety watching it. Cause they would know how that would end. It's so rough.

Monica Padman
Well, it's extra rough because you guys need to screen it again. Well, my God, we're gonna keep screening. It for the rest of our lives. For the rest of our lives. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
We're just kinda stuck in some weird museum.

Maya Rudolph
I remember, too. My favorite thing about that re screening of it was that the aero theater did put up a beautiful marquee. It said ass. One for best picture, best screenplay, and best performance. Just.

Yes. So Monica and I were just in Austin, La south by, and we stayed at the four Seasons. Oh, my God. And I was telling Monica, I'm like, I don't know that they'll ever. It makes me happy.

Dax Shepard
Be a more special place for me, because that was only the second movie I ever did. I never stayed at a four Seasons. This was so foreign to me. And you and I were, like, two floors apart, and we had a view of the river. It's really seared into me every time I go there and I stand on the balcony and I look there, I get the warmest, warm fuzzies, and, you know, it's almost right to this moment 20 years ago.

Maya Rudolph
Are you serious? Yeah. Cause we shot in 2004, spring into the beginning of summer. We had no children between us. Wow.

Zero. You found out you were pregnant by the end of the movie while we were shooting. Or at the reshoots. One of the two must have been the reshoots. How old's your child?

Dax Shepard
18. Turning 19 next week, October. So then it must have been the reshoots. That's crazy. Yeah, right?

Oh, yeah. But we didn't have children's. We didn't have children's, but we had each other. And I have to tell you, it may have been one of the first times in my adult life where I was like, I made a friend. You know what I mean?

Maya Rudolph
Like, we had a genuine love fest friendship that started, blossomed, grew, learned about each other. Yes. Ate together, which is really learning about each other. Oh, yes. I learned a lot.

Dax Shepard
Well, I was eating so much, as you recall. Yes. But you also introduced me to your palate, and because I love you, and at the time, it was such a love fest, you were like, oh, we gotta go to this place. And I was like, great. Everything was lower.

Didn't we get Boston market for the meatloaf? I wrote down about five things that you were so patient with me as a friend. It's hilarious, but I want to get to my favorite part, which is a yes. I just like you instantly. I don't know how this happened, but very early on into hanging out, we developed this weird bit where we would just call one another's hotel room landline to landline, and Maya would pick up, and I would go, quarter pounder, lay a fish happy meal.

Monica Padman
I had a thought about this and then hang up. And that's the tune you remember? That's the exact tune. Ham and cheese, trees and ham. It always started with the quarter pounder for some reason.

Maya Rudolph
There was always a quarter pounder or filet o fish is always included. Do you know why? Maybe. I think it's because filet fish is my childhood McDonald's meal. We were told we were vegetarians when I was a child.

That meant we did not eat beef. The filet of fish was totally fine. The filet fish was fine on the menu. And they didn't have nuggets then they didn't have mcnuggets. Happy meal, corn pounder.

Then it blossomed into, like, happy meal, meal of choice. Like it would be the last word. Yes. I'm forgetting all the iterations. Maybe it was a couple months, but nothing made me happier than I'd be sitting in bed.

Dax Shepard
My phone would ring, and then I would just pick it up and I would hear that roast beef. Filet o fish. Filet of fish. Fish and chip. No reason.

Maya Rudolph
I believe you started it. I can't imagine that. But, boy, was that fun. And it just never ended. That beautiful walk by the river right behind the hotel is lovely.

And there was all these strange ducks. I really fell in love with that city. Big surprise. People fell in love with Austin, Texas. But this was a long time ago.

Dax Shepard
It was so long ago that when we were shooting, I was falling so in love with it. I started looking at tons of real estate. And all of those houses that were on the lake on a couple acres in big houses were, like, 700 grand. Jesus. You cannot buy a house on that lake now for under 6 million.

So, like, yes, in many ways, we were way ahead of the curve. I'm that person who's been here this whole time, but I've never been ahead of the curve. And I mean anywhere. On any game, on anything. When you're like, oh, yeah, that's over now.

Maya Rudolph
People aren't doing that anymore. You're like, yeah, I just figured that out. That's me with, like, real estate. I've never been like, yeah. We found this very small town on this little inlet islet, and it's in the Bahamas.

And it was $400. They're telling us now it's worth 8 million. 8 million. Can you believe it? I've never done that.

Dax Shepard
Okay. Another wonderful thing that happened to us on the movie is that we were both given drivers slash assistance. I had a boy and you had a girl. Wait, was her name Monica? No.

Maya Rudolph
What was. I don't know her name. But I think where this story's going, maybe we'll just leave her kind of anonymous. You know what? You're right.

Dax Shepard
And by the way, there's no way she had that pedestrian of a name. Hey, Monica's a. Listen, Monica's a normal name. This one had a name like Skylar or star. It was like star from the Lost Boys.

There was something avant garde about the name, as I recall. And the person. Yes. Yeah. I had no boundaries.

So I would come in my trailer, and my good friend, he had smoked a pack and a half of cigarettes, and there was his butts everywhere and everything, so we didn't know how to do this. We were children. We were children, and we invited them everywhere we went, which I think was nice of us. We did not know better. Why don't you just tell everyone about our trip to Barton Springs?

Maya Rudolph
Barton Springs? Barton Springs is this beautiful public swimming area. Hole. I talk about it all the time in here. It's a spring fed, natural little river way, but they've paved the sides of it, and then there's a dam at the end, so it's about five football fields of water and then grassy banks.

On either side, and everybody just chills on the grassy banks. And it's a lot of, like, college student vibe. Maybe some hippies, songwriters, some people that don't have jobs during the day. And we had the day off. I think we'd gone to the frozen custard place and gotten some ice cream.

Dax Shepard
Absolutely. Like, across the street. Sandy's. Sandy's. Wow.

We were just there, and I was telling Monica, I just saw. Did you go? We didn't go, but I suggested. You pointed it out. I'm so curious.

Maya Rudolph
You know when you go somewhere and you're like, is this still here? It is mostly all still there. Yeah. And it's that strip. And we had that most enchanted dinner at Salt Lake with Mike.

Dax Shepard
And I still go there all the time, and I still get those butterflies. I'm sure that's why you love it so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Cause it was like a night where Mike was like, I'm gonna take you. Guys to Texas barbecue and with his family.

Monica Padman
And you had been taken to Boston market before that? That's correct. Wow. So needless to say, I was in need of a heightened. The Boston market doesn't answer.

Dax Shepard
They earmarked that. We went to see mean girls. We went to see mean girls right after. That's what we did. We went to dinner in a movie, because mean girls had just come out.

Maya Rudolph
You were like, I know the place. Don't worry, toots. You hungry? She'll have what I'm having. I'll have two of them, and she'll have ones of them.

So we go have the day off, and of course, we bring our assistants. Yes, of course. That's nice, because I think we were. All, like, the same age ish. Yeah.

Roughly when you're in your twenties, you're the same age. Your guy was a little younger. I think she was the youngest of them. Yeah. She's turning 30, maybe 31.

Austin, Texas, in the summer is perfect. It's perfect. A little humid. You get some thunderstorms. This is like flowers blooming grass.

Dax Shepard
You're in a link later movie somehow. Exactly. And so we are hanging out as friends. The four of us just met, and my gal proceeds to take her top off. Is she an Austin native?

No, she was newly in town, as I recall. Okay, okay, okay. I don't remember. By the way, let's be clear. This was after other things were kind of like head scratchy, where I was like.

Maya Rudolph
So you did what with your dry cleaning? Yeah, I think she was like, shop. She was doing some grocery shopping for herself. Like, she would do some for you, but also do quite a bit for herself, as I recall. You two for me?

Monica Padman
Yeah. Yes, yes. No one's gonna notice. And then some dry cleaning. And now she was just fully topless.

Maya Rudolph
But it wasn't just that she was topless. It was that I made eye contact with you immediately, and your eyeballs seared inside my eyeballs. The most direct, like, what do we. Do at that point? We're in a very precarious situation, which is, in some loose terms, where they're employers.

That's right. You're her boss. By some extension, I'm higher on the ladder, so. Holy fuck. How do I now talk to her?

You talk to her. Eyebrows. Chin up. Have you ever had that, where someone just talks to the top of your head or top of your forehead? Have you ever noticed that?

Dax Shepard
It makes me very insecure. Not insecure. It makes my butt hole a little tight. It makes me uncomfortable. I'm gonna do it to you.

Can you feel it? So when we were down there, you can't even feel that? No, it looks like you're looking at me. Oh, wow. What a good trick.

Maybe I'll go higher now I'm gonna go higher. Go like. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Ooh, I don't like it. My butthole is winking.

Maya Rudolph
Winking at you. There was a girl in my fourth grade class who would get really defensive, and she'd talk to you like this. Ooh, I can kiss you back. Doesn't that work?

It was a little bit of, like, check in with the eyes. Like, I'm looking down, but I'm still looking up here. Ew. Weird. Why?

Monica Padman
I don't like what just happened. Right. Doesn't it make you feel ooky? Yeah, it does. No.

Maya Rudolph
Gracias. Okay, so top came off, and then no one addressed. No one said a word. What are you gonna say? Where are her employers?

Well, but she didn't take the hint. Cause you all kept your tops off. We work together. Cause we all kept our. Bounced her top off, too, in front of mine.

And it was just one big boob. One enormous uni boob. But didn't you find a picture of all of us hanging out or something in our adult lives that really took us back? I think I did. And I almost feel like it's from Barton Springs.

Dax Shepard
But before her top was off, it was pre top. And you know what? I'm gonna add one thing. She was actually wearing a button down shirt. I remember that.

Maya Rudolph
That's creepy. So it's not like it was just a. It came off, and all of a. Sudden, oh, it was like a slow unbuttoned. It was like, I'm gonna unbutton my dress shirt that had been trimmed at the bottom.

Monica Padman
Did other people then? It was kind of pre that. To be honest, I didn't feel that from any other people there. She started a trend. I feel like sometimes people do that in life where you're like, oh, this was awkward.

Maya Rudolph
Or that made me feel uncomfortable. And then you look back and you realize that person might have been pushing some buttons on purpose. Yes. I would never stop thinking that. It maybe created something for her.

Or maybe she just was, like, hoping Dax would look. I don't know. Or you. She wasn't that interested in me, by the way. I don't think she was interested in either of us.

Dax Shepard
No. Yeah. I kind of applauded. She was like, I would love to bump into her. I just want an update.

Maya Rudolph
I think that Mike judge should screen the movie again for the next election and make it a reunion so we can see everybody. I would love to. Oh, my God, that'd be great. In Austin. Cause it was just us.

It should have been in Austin. Although you never got the premiere you deserved. We never got the premiere we deserved. Okay, a couple other things we must touch down on. We were our most selfish.

Dax Shepard
Well, I can't speak for you, but career wise, my most selfish moment ever on a set was you and I just left. We were in the middle of a scene. Wait, really? Yes. Cause we wanted to go see Prince.

Maya Rudolph
Oh, yeah. Do you remember? Of course I do. In San Antonio. Yes.

Dax Shepard
Prince was playing in San Antonio, and you pulled some crazy strings. Or someone did. I was talking to Coplovitz a lot that day. It was a day where we were not on camera as much. We were in the audience.

Maya Rudolph
Audience for Luke being president. And we were like, sorry, buddy, we gotta go. And by the way, you always shoot the guy making the speech or the woman making the speech and then cut to the audience. They get to go first. They have a bunch of dialogue.

I just smiled and gave them the finger. And we convinced them to shoot our side of the scene first so we. Could drive in the pouring rain. How many hours away? It's like an hour and a half to San Antonio.

But in my but heavy rain, like. Sleet and snow in my Chrysler 300 rental car. Were you guys both in relationships at this time? She was with Paul. Yeah, and I was with Brie.

Dax Shepard
And Brie was there for a good chunk of it. I just can't imagine you guys didn't fall in love. Well, that's interesting. We didn't. Well, I felt like it was more than love.

Maya Rudolph
This is like when you fall in love with a human as your friend, like, I would take a bullet for you. That was our thing. Yeah, molecular. Molecular. Like you guys.

Dax Shepard
But you're right, Monica. And I'm gonna say there's two or three things about you that I find really, really unique, and this is one of them. So if I hadn't had a girlfriend, I would have definitely tried to kiss you. Tried to pork me. I would have.

Cause I liked you so much. And you're female and attractive, so why on earth would I not? And I was really young, so we looked great. Yes. You more than me.

Because I was. Still looks great. Freedom great. You on purpose had Frito body, which is a thing that I can't even imagine doing. Like, I gotta eat all this shit cuz I gotta look like shit on camera.

Yeah, it's really telling that it was my second movie. Like, I would have never done that again. But I was like, you were so young that you didn't gain that much weight. It was fine. But I'm curious, how have you navigated.

Maya Rudolph
That not boning people? Well, just. You have a lot of male comedian friends you and I met on that movie face to face. But I had seen you in groundling shows. I was going through the program and I mostly would see you and Steve Agee do things together.

Oh, yeah. You guys were such a good comedy duo and you were so raunchy together. Yes. And I was friends with Agee and I was thinking, like, well, if I was Agee, I would definitely be in love with Maya. And then I would just think, probably so many of these men that you've been comedically involved with.

Dax Shepard
We're in love with you. How did you manage all that? First of all, thank you for this question, because no one has ever asked me this, and you're making me feel really good. It definitely works. But, Maya, you're so beautiful and you're so talented.

It's crazy. I should have come here a long time ago. No one has ever said this to me in my entire life. I don't know what to answer. In groundlings, I had a boyfriend, okay?

For how long? Most of it. And then he dumped me. Ooh. I had passed up so much comedy Dom for this guy.

Maya Rudolph
I feel like between groundlings and Saturday Night Live, having a boyfriend, I missed out on so much comedy. Dong. Yeah. Which isn't legendarily great. Dong.

No, it's not. It's actually kind of known to people. It's a bad dog. Dark, dark, coked up dong. Twisted.

Dax Shepard
Twisted dog. And we're not talking about aesthetics, like. Emotional, emotional, emotionally twisted dongs. Heavy use of substances. Sloppy.

Maya Rudolph
I dodged so many bullets in that respect. But the other thing is, comedians and most thespians have such a fun flirtation, so you get to have that, especially with these dudes that feel like your brother. By the way, I was always in there with forte. He was always naked right backstage. Constantly naked.

Dax Shepard
Yeah, that's his kind of bit. As well as at SNL in the offices, I mean, different time. With consent. With consent. Everyone was, we're all good.

Maya Rudolph
There's no problem here. He would also help us be in on the bit. Like when Spivey and I shared an office at SNL, he was like, hey, leave your office and come back and knock on the door. And when you knock on the door, there'll be a surprise for you. Okay, give me five minutes.

So you got the consent. You were like, okay, I guess. And then you knock on the door and he's sitting on your couch with his pants down at his ankles holding this nut. But the best part is he had trimmed his pubes and put them in. A plastic bag and taped them on the door.

Monica Padman
Oh, my God. Talk about twisted dolls. That was my bro bro from the old groundlings days when we were childs. But, yeah, I wish I'd gotten a lot more that mediocre. It would have been fun to reflect.

Dax Shepard
On that flaccid doll. That's why you had boyfriends. That answers that. I had moved back to LA with my college boyfriend. I also think you might not know that guy's like, you is my hunch too.

Maya Rudolph
That is something I know about myself, right? A little bit of monachaisms. Oh, you're like oblivious to that. I do have that because I've noticed in life. I'll say something.

I'll say, yeah, he likes you. You're like, what? I didn't know that. Right. Same over here.

Why do you think that is? Cause I find that fascinating about myself. My own personal theory is that I'm also a little bit of a boy because of my upbringing. I grew up with my brother and my dad. After my mom passed, I was seven.

So the majority of my childhood home was my dad and my brother, and my brother's older and he was super funny, so I just wanted to be like my brother. Right. And so I'm a little bit of a dude DNA wise, you know? So that's, yeah, your story. I think that's how you have explained why guys aren't hitting on you or anything.

Well, that also I think that I relate to guys in that way. Maybe.

Dax Shepard
Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare. We are supported by better help. We've been busy. We've been very busy. How's your social battery right now?

Monica Padman
It's pretty low, although I think I'm coming back. You're on the upswing? I'm on the upswing. But for a minute it was low. And you just had therapy on Saturday.

Dax Shepard
I saw you right after you had had it. Did I feel happy? Yeah. You felt level? Yeah, I felt it.

Monica Padman
I've been talking about that therapy session all week. I learned something really important in that therapy session and I have been sharing it. Look, it can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin, especially with social gatherings picking up after the winter. The right amount of socializing for you. And how do you recharge?

Dax Shepard
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Well, Monica has a story, too. I do, but mine's reality, so it's, like, not cool to call it a story. That was great. Well, yeah, I grew up in. God, how many times?

She's never heard it. You can cut it out. Grew up in Georgia, all white. The boys didn't like me. Same experience, by the way.

Yeah, I had a hunch. And by the way, all of it's built on a single ex. Well, I don't want to diminish it. It is built largely on one very profound experience. Well, that was the culmination.

Monica Padman
Okay? It wasn't. There were lots of things that were telling me, uh oh, being brown isn't so great. Correct. In this environment.

And then it culminated in 6th grade. And this boy said he couldn't date me because my parents worked a dairy queen, which they don't, but Indians worked the Dairy Queen. Or Rand, the Dairy Queen, I guess owned. Owned, probably franchise. We own this Dairy Queen.

Maya Rudolph
Okay, Dairy Queen. In retrospect, they were very successful. But he liked her. He said, I want to, but I can't. Cause her parents work at Dairy Queen.

Monica Padman
And then, you know, that got back to me. And then I was like, oh, I see. So. So they can't. It's not that they don't want to, it's just, okay.

This thing about me has made it actually impossible for love. And then that really, really detoured the rest of my life. Wow. I think that we have a very similar experience. I grew up here in Los Angeles.

Maya Rudolph
I was the only mixed kid, let alone only brown girl, in my class. And we're talking eighties. So at the birthday parties, girls would french braid each other's hair. And I was like, check, please. No one's getting their fingers through this.

And then there were those cute little barrettes in the eighties that people would put little lanyard pretty, like, strings in. Those didn't fit in my hair. Or like when I went to Mary Wigmore's boy girls swim party, I had short hair and it was very curly. And Xander Maksik was like, go under the water. And so I'd go under the water and he'd be like, do it again.

And I do it again. He goes, your hair looks like a sponge. Aw. And I'm 51 years old and it still hurts. Yeah.

You know, and then he was also the kid that was like, hey, will you talk to Mary for me, it was always about my friend Mary, 100%, who's like, beautiful, wonderful, stat, great with. Kids, good dancer, all true. Great with kids, great. When you said detour, what I heard was the choice to detour for ourselves. We made that choice.

We were like, I'm going over here to protect myself. Yes, absolutely. And I only mean story because that was 6th grade. I know. You know?

Monica Padman
I know. And so there was a lot of time after that. I can only assume this and backdate it. Cause I've been around her all the time for eight years, and I see a lot of guys like her, and guys come to the show and hold up signs and people hit on her in front of me, and I can see and she can't. I'm just saying that once that changes your point, it does become really hard to steer her to come back from that 100%.

Dax Shepard
I think the quintessential ingredient in that story, which makes it heartbreaking, is he liked you and you liked him. Yeah. And the friend was like, why don't you ask her out? You guys like each other. That's really gnarly that you were told that.

Yes. So then, yes, the story makes a ton of sense, which is, well, even if they like me, they're not going to. So I'm just turning off the whole thing because it's just gonna be painful and hurtful, and I'm gonna protect myself anyways. I just think. I know you miss it a lot, and I had a hunch maybe you missed.

Maya Rudolph
You are very astute. It. And I also didn't realize. Cause now that I've had four children and my body has become something I don't recognize, I look back at my young self in those growling states, and I was like, wow, I was so cute. Oh, my God, you were so hot.

My boobs were so cute. So perky. So perky. I had the best boobs. I had the best little BoD, and I didn't know it.

Dax Shepard
You would have blown her right off this hill at Barton Springs if you would have unleashed those suckers. If those suckers came out to play at Barton Springs, they would have shut. Down the whole park. Everyone out of the water. Oh, my God.

Maya Rudolph
Oh, what's it called? This is also what happens. I'm not gonna remember words. What's it called when the sun is blocked and you have to look through some eclipse. Thanks.

Monica Padman
Yeah, we're coming up on one, by the way. Really? It's right around the corner. Yeah, it's about to happen.

Dax Shepard
Somehow you were getting even by doing that. Now we're just gonna smear her name. Through the whole thing. The other thing is, I don't know if I know how to recognize people hitting on me. Yeah, I genuinely don't think I'm that aware.

Maya Rudolph
I don't know what it looks like. When you said you saw it happening for Monica, did she not see it? No. We fight about it. I'll go, oh, that guy was hitting on you?

Dax Shepard
And she'll go, no, he wasn't. He was saying blank. And then it's a fight. I never gone, oh, really? I also think you're wrong a lot.

Monica Padman
Or you think something. Okay. I know the ways of love. I don't know how much I can keep in of the story. I'm about to say, we had someone on this show who was flirting with me.

I was like, yeah, he's flirting, but I know he's not so interested. Like, I know. And we left, and Dax was like, he's gonna ask you out. And I was like, I mean, maybe, whatever. And did Letterman call you?

Yeah, actually. Yeah. But at two in the morning, he's just waking up. Actually, he's super flattering. He was kind of flirty.

Maya Rudolph
He's the best. He was amazing. He's the fucking greatest of all time. He really is. Continue.

Monica Padman
Okay, so he didn't. Right? This went nowhere. And I actually was kind of mad at you when it went nowhere. Hold on a second.

Dax Shepard
He asked for her number, okay. That's when we were taking pictures outside. He asked for her number, and Dax's both of ours. And then I walked him out and he said, monica's so cool. That means.

Yeah. He's, like, telling me, like, hey, Monica's so cool. How long have you guys known each other? Like, he wants to know more about. Monica, so questions equal interest.

Maya Rudolph
Okay, I agree. I'm not there yet, Maya. Then he text her after the episode came out. Now he has ghosted her. He has ghosted her.

What did he say? What happened? Was he, like, you up? Me and Letterman are just hanging? That would've been more clear.

Monica Padman
I would have liked that. It wasn't clear. No, and that's also not what happened. He texted right after we recorded and said, like, hey, I got you or something. I'm sorry.

I know that's, like, new slang. I'm learning it, too. What does it mean? Like, I got your number. That's flirty to me.

Dax Shepard
He has ghosted her for sure. But there's another thing going on, which is there's also a reality of the world. This guy is very popular right now. He's traveling all around, and a lot of girls like him, and he probably likes several girls. And so, yeah, he probably has his hands full.

And he ghosted Monica. But I still maintain he liked her. And he did reach out to her, and he did ask for her number. And to say that this young dude with every option in the world is, like, a great pursuer of things. I'm not making that argument.

And he probably is distracted by all kinds of hot comedy dong right now. So much comedy, dom. Well, I know, but, like, listen, I've. Never been anywhere in my life and then randomly met someone and then decided to get their number and then text them. Cause I wanna be friends with a stranger.

Maya Rudolph
He liked you I also don't think I've ever pursued anyone myself, so I don't know how it works. I can only imagine it can be painful when you pursue people and they don't reciprocate. So maybe his move is not so cool. But he tried. Then I texted him, and then I was flirting, and then did you say, you up?

Monica Padman
That's what everyone says. That's the ghost. It's the only text, actually. There's one button now on younger people's phone, and it says one button that says, you up. Great idea, Patton.

Maya Rudolph
That I heard. I texted him, and I was flirty, and then there was no response. Gross. I was mad at you first because I was an easy target, and then I really was honest with myself, and I was like, man, this is why I don't do this. No, Monica, because you're putting it.

Dax Shepard
That's not the right lesson. Yeah, because I know. Listen, stop. Okay, so he. So, you know, it's like he likes you.

Monica Padman
Eh. That was me protecting myself. And then I was like, you know what? No. I am gonna text him.

I am gonna flirt. And then full ghosting was like, oh, yeah, this is why you don't do this. I totally get it. I've been ghosted in that way as well, and it makes you feel like, oh, no good deed goes unpunished. Why did I fucking open, like, a.

Sliver of my heart and I wasn't going to. You went against. Yeah, you went against what you thought was right. But again, there is a reality that this person has been out of town virtually since we met him, and he's being nominated for everything. And there are a lot of girls, I'm sure, in his sphere.

Whatever you say, good. But it does not say that he didn't actually like you. Oh, he liked you. Yes, it's clear to me. But I will say I don't think it's the last text you'll ever get from him.

Well, it might be the last text. This episode is brought to you by Laudi Mio Mio. Anyway, we really got derailed. I disagree. That was good rail.

Maya Rudolph
I think you're right, and I love that you've thought about it. That makes me love you more, because I know, as my friend, you see me, so that makes me feel really good. And I'm also in good company because it's such a similar experience. I was, you know, in a small group of kids growing up and felt so ugly duckling vibes. I'm gonna also say it was compounded by you're in LA at crossroads.

Dax Shepard
Some of the white, white people that are relative to you are like princesses on planet Earth. It's not even just like you're rummaging around my hometown in Michigan. It's pretty extreme. And I had a similar thing of, like, the boy I loved my whole childhood. The elementary school that I went to.

Maya Rudolph
We were a small group of kids, was 25 kids, and I was in love with Dax Miller. He was. You know him. Never. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
My breath went away. Cause I heard you were in love with Dax when first came out. Well, I told you, you're the only. Other Dax I've ever known, other than him, I've ever heard of. Dax Miller was the love of my life, and he did not love me back.

Maya Rudolph
All my friends do. I loved him. I loved him. I loved him. He was fucking huge.

And he had this big blonde bull cut. He's super hot now. He's grown out of his bull cut, but he's very handsome, married man. In the old days, he was the love of my life. I just knew that that was my person.

And we were really good friends. And then junior high, great friends. And I was like, it's about to happen. This is about to go down. And then he left school, but then he came back as a senior, and I think he had the nerve to tell me at our 30th high school reunion, like, oh, I was in love with you.

I was like, you know what, bitch? First of all, that doesn't count. Exactly. Now. And do you even believe him?

I don't. I do. I don't believe him. Like, why didn't he tell me that? You guys, both of you.

Monica Padman
It's easy for him to say now. Thank you. You guys are the smartest and dumbest fucking people I've ever met. Monica, can you look at Maya and go, of course. Anyone will be in love with her 100%.

Dax Shepard
And then Maya, can you look at Monica and go, like, I know, but, like. But it doesn't penetrate. Yeah, it's true. Did you have a thing that I've figured out I have in therapy, which is I seek specifically white male approval so much, because that was who was rejecting me all the time. Ooh, God, I have to think about that.

How much I just threw her hands in the air like she was that gospel. It just, like, spiritual shiver down my spine. I'm trying to think. I mean, yes and no, because I think. I feel like I've also worked out some things.

Maya Rudolph
I also have. Well, my dad's jewish, I guess. He looks white. My dad is superhuman. Great guy.

He's, like, the best guy in the world. So I don't have bad dad stuff. It's really interesting. There's a type of white guy that I know I am invisible to. Interesting.

And it's kind of like a fratty guy. They can't see me. I don't register for them. They don't know what to make of me. There's just some opaqueness.

They don't get it, and they don't want to get it. It doesn't compute. And I do find that very fascinating. Yeah. God, again, I'm not sure I believe you entirely, but I think probably 80%.

Monica Padman
There's no way to know. There isn't. I'd have to be around you in some blowhard jocks to see you're triggering. A slight memory of being single, by the way. I've only had, like, three boyfriends.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Yeah. You've not really been single much in your life. No, but that's the thing. They're just long relationships.

Maya Rudolph
I haven't been, like, dong to dong or anything like that. Don't know where this dong ends in that one begins. Endless dawn, same time. But I do remember being in a bar once, like, on the west side, maybe. I was in Venice, and my hair was.

I started relaxing it when I was at SNL, but before, it was my natural curls. It's very thick, natural curly hair. It's quite beautiful. I've seen many photos. And you used to be at the groundlings with that?

At the groundlings? Yeah. Once I got to SNL and couldn't get under the wigs, we had to, like, reroute. And then I just never got out of the route. I'm gonna get there one day.

Dax Shepard
I look forward to it. Thank you. Yeah, yeah, me too. But I was gonna say I met a guy at a bar, and he was like, hey, wild woman. Oh, my God.

Maya Rudolph
And I remember being like, oh, that's what you see? Yeah. You're so right to be upset. And also, you've got to consider the source sometimes. It's like you're, like, giving these dumb 20 year old people that are drunk some kind of wisdom they don't have.

Dax Shepard
That guy's, like, trying. He's swinging for the fences. Thank you. I agree with that. Yeah.

Let me just say, like, you're assuming he really thinks that. And then I'm going, like, on the walk up to you, he's like. He's running through ideas. I'm gonna say, hey, sexy mama. No.

Hey, chicky. Mama. Ooh, wild again. Butthole is tight. It's, like, totally tight.

You just don't even know what he was cycling through before he landed. Wild woman, that's a zero. You lose. Yes. But I do want to say, to bring it all the way back, I couldn't be more grateful that wasn't our trajectory, because I've got to be friends with you for 20 years, and I've loved it so much.

And you're right. We have a very fun, flirty time together. We play. I knew in anticipation of today that my stomach was going to hurt, and I was really excited about that. Yeah, same.

And that's probably the best outcome you can have. Agreed. Okay. Now, when I was reflecting back, I'm embarrassed by several things from that period. Yes, you were on a journey at that time.

I was on a journey. I was sober while we were working, but I hadn't fully figured that out yet that was coming, and I remember that. Yeah, yeah. But beyond that, I had been trying for eight years to get employment. And then you met me.

Punkt had aired nine months before that, and I just done one movie, and then I was there doing this movie with you. So, like, I was. I was so enamored with everything. I was so ambitious. I had such interest in everything, in fame, all this stuff.

You were very patient with me. I was thinking back today of some of the things you had to kind of just wade through. And now that I have daughters who have famous parents, I have an entirely different perspective that I didn't have then. So, like, my daughter recently shared with me, we're in the pool. She was gonna go to a friend's house, and I said, when you go to this sleepover, do you downplay how much money we have or where we've been?

And she goes, for sure. But also, those friends know I really hate talking about that. And I said, oh, do people want to talk to you about that a lot? And she goes, yeah, at least twice a week, someone comes up to me on the playground. I was like, are you rich?

What's your mom like? That whole thing that she has to deal with? That's a bummer. Of course, I grew up broke, and I wanted people to think I was rich enough. She's got this thing, and it's a completely other thing I would have never anticipated.

But I think about that in the same way. I wanted to know about your mom, and I love your mother's music. And I would sing. I did this kind of touretteically. I don't know if you remember this, I would sing loving you all the time.

And you at one point finally had to say, like, you gotta stop singing that around me. I did, huh? Yeah. Good for you. I'm glad you said it.

Maya Rudolph
If that's how I felt, I'm sure I was honest with you about why. It's too painful. It's very painful. Which, of course, I'm so stupid, I'm not even thinking that. I'm thinking, you must be so proud.

Dax Shepard
That was your mom. My mother didn't die at seven. I don't know what you're thinking, but right after you told me, we were then filming a scene in, like, a stadium, and there was all kinds of extras and they were local hires from all over Texas, so it was like a whole cross section of folks. And several people came up to you and just started talking to you about your mom. And then I went like, oh, my God.

Yeah, I was doing that too. And no wonder. This is a very complicated topic. And, yeah, these strangers want to come up to you and talk to you about that. I could see how rough it was, but I did it in a way.

Maya Rudolph
And also, what's interesting is there's so many layers to it. Strangers? As opposed to a friend who's like, oh, this is cool to talk about. But not having that thought, oh, maybe this person doesn't want to talk about it. Also, that was at a different stage in my life where that would be painful to me.

Whereas now I'm just like, oh, my God. Okay, yeah, go ahead, go for it. Sing it. But it's not painful. Right?

But I was still pretty young, and it wasn't like a magic bullet of, oh, I have kids now. I'm healed. But after I started having my kids, I think I looked back and went like, oh, I don't feel the pain in the same way, but it's never gonna be gone. It's just that I hadn't processed any of it at that time in my life. I watched terms of endearment recently as an adult parent.

Dax Shepard
Oh, I should do that. Ooh. Cause she's saying goodbye to her kids. She knows she's dying. Oh.

Maya Rudolph
And it's like, are you fucking kidding me? Oh, yeah. Brutal. But I didn't identify that when I saw it before. Cause I wasn't a parent, I wasn't a mom.

Dax Shepard
Right. But, yeah, that's so interesting. And I don't remember. You don't? It's funny, a lot of the stuff I carry around, I even remember being kind of overly interested that you were dating Paul.

You know, of course I worshiped him like every other boy as a director. That was new for us. We were still kind of figuring it out. Like, I don't even know if we were on or off at that time. It was like early doors.

Yeah, you were on. And I remember calling him by his full name, and I remember this look on your face. I was like, oh, yeah, I just did something really weird. I clearly just fell off the truck, and I don't know what I'm doing. But that's also you.

Maya Rudolph
Like, of course you said his full name. You know, I didn't. Your dad. You've always been dad.

Dax Shepard
Well, so the other thing that confused me greatly, you might remember this, but I remember you and I had this conversation, which is when you signed on to do that movie, you had to give them an option. Oh, my God, again, I'm like, wait, what? Head of comedy? Or maybe she was the president of Fox. I don't even remember what position she had, but very high up.

She wanted to have a meeting with you. Your life was very, very hectic. No questions about it. You're shooting that movie and you were doing SNL, and a lot was going on, but you were like, I don't know when I'm gonna go talk to this person about blah blah. And I said, there's an executive that wants to make a movie with you.

This is such good news. And you're like, yeah, I don't know. I say that because I've continued to witness this the whole time I've known you. You have this very, very loose, confident relationship with this job, which almost none of us have. I think I've come to have it.

But you've always had this very take it or leave it, or at least from the outside. I know, I know I have it. It's super weird, and I don't know. Why you have no explanation for it. I don't, but I agree with you.

Maya Rudolph
I even heard myself say something this morning where I was like, I like to walk. Like, if it doesn't work, I like to walk. I don't know. And I don't consider myself the healthiest person emotionally. I've had lots of therapy, but I did start to notice that I'm like that.

I'm sure it has something to do with my parents growing up in an entertainment, like a musical household, because they were musicians, they weren't actors, but that felt very relaxed to me, and their friends did it, and that was really relaxed. And there was something about that. That was pretty fucking cool, but also really normal. My trajectory was I wanted to go to New York, and I wanted to be on Saturday Night Live for the. Experience, not necessarily to have a bunch of movies that you lead and all that.

I mean, let's be honest. Yeah, I wanted that too. I understand that drive to be somewhere else, forage in a new city, and create my own path, but that's a huge undertaking. I wasn't like, oh, my dad writes songs. That's gonna make me a comedian.

There was no direct line. I knew I had to get there myself. And also, it's interesting because my mom was a singer that not all my friends were that aware of at the time. Everybody that knows who I am now knows that's my mom. But growing up, I didn't feel like she was a household name.

I felt like she was special. Yeah. Yeah. We didn't have MTV yet, and she was never on it. She was also insanely young.

She was 31 when she died. Think about that. Isn't that wild? It's fucking nuts. You lived 20 years longer.

Monica Padman
Wow. I'll never get over how young she was. I was talking about it with my ten year old daughter yesterday because my mom died of cancer. Growing up with the knowledge of cancer, it was just a death sentence for people. And now we have so many people that we know that are getting through it.

Maya Rudolph
I never would have imagined a world where, yeah, you could survive. Totally. When you heard someone's parent had cancer, you were hearing they were dying their dad. That's right. That knowledge of people know my mom was a singer, but they don't really know who my mom was.

Or they're like, oh, I love that song. And then they're like, singing Aretha Franklin song. And I was like, wait, what?

It was this very confusing. And then my last name is Rudolph and not Riperton. So when I started doing SNL, people didn't really know she was my mom, and they figured it out later. So, look, when you're a kid and your mom dies, you don't want people to know that. Yeah, but then people are like, oh.

And she was a singer. Right, right. This added element. Let's talk about it. You're like, no, dude, I'm eight.

I don't want to talk about it. Right. If she hadn't been a singer, you probably would have had to talk about it far less, for sure. We interviewed Jason Ritter, and he told this story that's really heartbreaking. Erica felt a certain way about John Ritter.

Dax Shepard
It's not just that people knew who he was. We all loved John Ritter. He was ours. Yes. And so he's talking about being at a bar, and also this girl, like, leans over the thing and she's like, I loved your dad.

And then she turns on cosmos for everyone in the same. He's like, oh, my God. How am I supposed to react to what just happened? Oh, boy. My second theory.

Maya Rudolph
I love all your theories. This is funny. It's so kind of entitled. There's something about it that is obnoxious, but nevertheless, some part of you thinks you were supposed to be a singer, and so all of the other stuff was great. That's a good point.

Dax Shepard
But some voice in your head was like, I'm eventually supposed to step up to the plate and do that. I will probably never do it professionally or for real, I should say. Cause I have a band, princess. Yeah. But it's fun.

Maya Rudolph
There's no me in there. There's a little protective layer. There is a large protective layer which. Which is usually called comedy, also referred to as comedy. And I don't sound like my mom when I sing, so I'm good.

Dax Shepard
Meaning you don't sing as good as her. So why would you do it? Yes. I think in my mind, my whole life, like, oh, my. This is another thing.

So fuck. Let me be clear. I think there's an expectation. My mother had a five octave range. I'm a singer in my heart and soul.

Maya Rudolph
I'm actually more of a harmonizer. I love a harmony, but that requires other voices. But you're not gonna see me solo rocking the mic. This is a little bit like boys. I'm sorry.

Dax Shepard
Cause here's what the rest of us were thinking. We'd watch these SNL sketches. It's so funny. You're so funny. And then you have this moment where you're like, this isn't funny at all.

This is outrageously great singing. Kristen thinks you're dynamite. Anyone who sings thinks you're a dynamite singer. Well, I'm shocked that Kristen does. Cause she's a singer.

Maya Rudolph
But that's also. Cause I think she loves me and I love her. I don't think so, but I think this is boys. This is boys. This is boys.

Maybe as a parent to children of people who are creative, you will appreciate this. It's something that I do to myself. I've seen it in my children sometimes where they'll start something and I can see the gears turning of, like, if this isn't great, I'm not gonna do it. Yes. So that's me with real music.

And I say real music, meaning pouring my heart and soul and bearing my. Voice, being really vulnerable about it. Yeah. So there's two things I've never done that I know I could try if I wanted to, and I refused to. Is that kind of music where I'm baring my fucking soul?

Dax Shepard
You let it rip like Sinead O'Connor's the inside of my body. Yeah. Now, I sing that in the car, but no one will ever be in there. I'm gonna be in your trunk one day. And then the second one is stand up comedy.

Maya Rudolph
Because to me, stand up comedy is very naked. Oh, yeah. And I have never done it. Do you parade yourself for not having done it? I recognize why, and I understand, and I'm proud of myself for that self care of, oh, you don't feel comfortable doing that.

You feel comfortable doing this, and you follow that. Good for you. I'm proud of you that you figured that one out. Oh, that's good. But I am more comfortable with the idea of being naked in that comedy way more than I used to be.

I have no aspirations to become a stand up, but I do think it would be kind of fun to try it. You just did some shows with Tina and Amy, right? Did something happen there where you were. Like, oh, right, no, stand up. But I did get to watch there stand up, which, again, I think we're all at a place in our lives where we know ourselves a lot better.

And I fully enjoyed watching that. Knowing my friends in that way and watching their versions of what that was, was absolutely fascinating. In college, you wanna be a comedian? And I would write stand up, and I was like, there's no fucking way I'm gonna say any of this publicly ever. And I don't know if it's now being so comfortable on a stage.

Not that I'm mister cool. Every time I'm on stage, of course I get nervous, but there's a different experience. A lot of validation, a lot of experience. That thing of, like, if you've walked the room, then you're more comfortable if you've never done it. I've done it.

So at a place like Largo, for example, is very comfortable stage. I know the stage well. I know what it looks like, so it doesn't freak me out. The sound of your voice, your actual voice in the microphone, that doesn't freak me out anymore. So I feel like it would be interesting.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. More of like, as a human fun experiment and also just for joy. That's what I want to do. I don't have any aspirations of going to do this, but if I'm on my deathbed and I'm like, wow, I really never did it. I just felt like I would be very bummed that I knew I wanted to, and I was afraid.

Maya Rudolph
You think that now the reason that you would be able to do it is just far more self confidence. Well, I did it for about a year and a half or two years, and I loved it. And then we had kids, and then I never did it again. And it went pretty well. It went better than I was expecting.

Dax Shepard
And then what I have is a really arrogant thing, which is I watch someone else's stand up, and I'm so blown away by it that you think you. And I feel like, not that I can do what they can do, but I go, I do have a point of view. I haven't figured out how to share comedically. I have something about vulnerability and trauma and all these different things in addiction that I'm not seeing someone do that. I feel like at least the ingredients are in there.

I should challenge myself to try to do that. So it's more driven by that. Okay. This loosey goosey relationship with the business, in a way, you've won hugely because of it. I was watching an interview with you and Amy today.

Maya Rudolph
What time did you get up today? I got up with Letterman at 02:00 a.m. You guys were sharing about. You had been there just before she got there, and there was this very specific scene where you guys started actually having fun, where it had transcended the nerves of doing the show and the getting the thing right. And something happened between the two of you, and it was the first moment for both of you where you were like, oh, you can have a very good time while doing this.

Dax Shepard
And then once that happened, that just gave rise to however many things you. You guys did together. And you would write an effort to get to that point where you two were having fun on stage. Not that that wouldn't have all happened, but if you're crazy ambitious and competitive and you're strangleholding this, I think you're being more threatening to a lot of people. Sure.

I think you've had tremendous friendships. I'm sorry. I'm gonna go backwards. Here's the analogy I'd make. Kobe Bryant won more championships than which.

Maya Rudolph
01:00 a.m.. I. Kobe or Shaky? Am I Kobe and you're Shaq? I'm neither.

I just wanna be one of them. You're Shaq so listen. Oh, man. Wow. Shaq only won three rings, but Shaq is best friends with everyone he's ever played with.

Dax Shepard
When there's a doc on him, people can't wait to go talk about them. And when you think of the big win in life, I've just always been like, I'm aspiring to be Shaq. You bring up something that's interesting, because I don't see myself that way, but Amy's really into. Is it enneagrams? Is that how you say, oh, enneagrams.

Yeah. That's your number, right, by the way. Still can't remember, but she remembers mine. She remembers mine. She remembers hers.

Maya Rudolph
She remembers all of ours. She probably can guess people's before they take the test. She probably guessed people's before. And one of the things that she reminds me of is that my number. Witch.

For the life of me, I cannot remember. I want to say it's seven, and I bet it's eight or nine. Textbook seven. Can't remember her number, and that's what. She reminds me of.

But also that I like to have fun. And I also have heard myself say, when it comes to work, a lot of my work has been because of the groundlings and because of snl, and that's a group based comedy. It's a comedy sport. I know I'm gonna get to play with my friends, which is exactly what we did. And that, to me, is why I say yes to things.

And so I've heard myself say, oh, it's gonna be so fun. Now I can be a moody bastard. I'm not somebody who seems like the ketamine therapy has worked all the time. Like, I definitely can be grumpy, but I want. I want to have fun when I'm making stuff, specifically comedy, which is what I prefer to do.

And that, to me, has always been the mo. So it's really interesting because I didn't really notice that in myself. It was my friend saying, you always like to have fun. I was like, fuck, you're right. I like to have fun with my friends, and I like to laugh super hard.

I feel funnier because they are making me laugh, and I want to make them laugh, so I feel funnier, and I get funnier because I want to make someone who I adore and admire and who I think is so fucking funny laugh. That's where it comes from. I think the reward of it is, like, you've had all these wonderful little mini partnerships, like, for Tay or with Amy or you and Armisen are just so delightful. And clearly you have so much fun together. And when I'm around him, I'm like, yeah, I just want to get this guy to giggle more than anything.

Oh, it's the best thing in the world. Oh, yeah. I just admire the way you've done this since I've met you for 20 years. I'll give you a great example. Like, you did chips for me, which was such a huge, huge, lovely thing to do.

Dax Shepard
And oh, my God, do we have fun. It's still my favorite scene in the movie. It's so weird. That was such a sweet rekindling of love. It was.

I remember acting with you and just having so much fun and thinking like, well, I just would like it if this scene just went on for another 5 hours. Yes.

Stay tuned for more armchair experts, if you dare. We are supported by Viator now. Monica, I'm going to Lisbon. So exciting. And I'm going to use viator because, you know, I can book a tuk tuk tour of the city on Viator.

Monica Padman
Yeah, I feel like you can look up even other fun things you guys can do together. Yeah, absolutely. That is where you go to find an experience while you're traveling. Because no matter where you're traveling or what you're interested in, Viator can help you plan better travel experiences. With over 300,000 travel experiences to choose from means you can plan something that everyone you're traveling with will enjoy.

Dax Shepard
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Dax Ziprecruiter the smartest way to hire tap the banner to learn more did. You do any group sports as a kid? I wasn't great at sports, so I did like a girls softball team. I did a lot of roller skating, which is a solo sport. Okay.

Maya Rudolph
And I danced, but I was a theater kid as soon as I could. I was in every musical, which is kind of a team sport. It is a team sport. And I think if you have an early experience of what it feels like to be on a team, I was just thinking about this the other day. I was thinking about someone and I was like, man, they really would have benefited from being on a team sport because you understand the feeling of thriving.

Together, having each other's backs and how. Much better it feels winning together instead of solo. Yeah, it feels better. And if I'm really thinking about what you're bringing up, there is something that I am avoiding. I don't want that.

Everybody could have your attention, please. Look at me. The reason I brought up chips is I've also asked you to be on the podcast like eleven times. You have? Yeah, yeah.

Dax Shepard
And you're like, yeah, I will, I'll get to it. Because that would be you doing the exact thing you're talking about, you coming in and being just you talking about yourself, talking about yourself. You're like, ah, but if I invite you to play in a movie, you're there in 1 second. I think that's kind of very indicative of you. I'm a little bit of a shy guy.

Maya Rudolph
I'm a little hider. Yes. Like the wolf spider. I'm a wolf spider. Oh, my God.

Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. Wolf the spider. Please call me Wolf Spider forever. Oh, I will, for sure. Rudy the wolf spider.

Rudy the wolf spider. I did finding your roots, the genealogy show with skip gates. We went back, he said at the time it was the furthest he'd gone back in jewish genealogy. And my great great great grandfather was Wolf Rudishevsky Wolf. Now, your grandfather in Florida owned all the wendy's in Miami Dade County.

Maya Rudolph
Sid Rudolph. That's right. Wow. Did you get to go there and order whatever you wanted? Did you have, like, a family car?

No, I fucking wanted one. Did you? I loved Wendy's. Me too. But we didn't have them in California when I was a kid.

It was a really big deal. What age did you move here? I grew up here, but my family was in Miami. My dad grew up in Miami. All the Rudolphs were in Florida.

Dax Shepard
Eating that good old free wendy's, eating. Those frosties and dipping their fries and their frosties. And I never got to do it unless we'd visit my family, because we were the only Rudolphs that lived in California. And would you go with Grandpa to some of his wendy's? Probably, like, when Dave Thomas would visit.

Monica Padman
I never met Dave. Oh, shit. Or when was he real? Wendy, we know she's not real. She's not real.

Dax Shepard
Isn't she? Dave Thomas, daughterless thing. Yes. And I learned something later in life that I didn't know. My grandfather.

Maya Rudolph
We could do an entire show about him. Incredibly fascinating man. My dad's father, Sid Rudolph, he was always an incredible businessman. And he and his brother Lenny, before the wendy's stuff, they created a thing called trip charge, which was a card that you could take with you on trips and charge money to. And they sold it to Diners Club, and it became the credit card.

Dax Shepard
No. Oh, my God. And he also owned all the Rudy's, which they created. Rudy's Rudolph? Yeah.

Maya Rudolph
Rudy's was my uncle Doug and my grandfather Sid. Those were their restaurants. Oh, my. Have you heard of a Rudy's before? Yes, yes.

Dax Shepard
I've been down south quite a bit. Wait a minute. Of course you have. You're the guy that introduced me to Olga. Okay, great, because that's on my list.

It's the last thing I want to talk about before we talk about loot. We need to talk about Olga's. We have to, because, again, this is in keeping with how patient you were with me. You went to whatever we said. Boston market.

Maya Rudolph
I sure did. You introduced me to hooters as an eating establishment. Yeah. Good chicken sandwich. That's what you said.

Then I know it was the buffalo chicken sandwich, to be exact. It is actually dynamite, unfortunately. I wish they had, like, a. Unfortunately. Well, I know we ate inside.

Dax Shepard
I know there was no option. You are reminding me that there was a joy for me in how much you loved it and how disinterested I was in ever eating there. And yet I wanted to know. Yeah. And the fact that, well, you're a.

Bit of an anthropologist. You like to go see someone in their habits. It was so fun to me that you wanted this, that I had to experience it. And I had to see your joy. How happy I was.

Maya Rudolph
You were so happy. And I remember it, and I remember really liking it. It's a really good chicken sandwich. I haven't been back. Yeah, but what happens is those gals are flirty with you.

I don't feel like they were flirty with us at all. Well, my first thing is, like, you don't have to do any of that. I feel bad about this part of it. Sure. Did you look down at the menu a lot?

Oh, God, my memory, again, is horrible. But I do remember it not being a terribly flirty experience. I remember it being very normal, and I was like, oh, it's cause I'm here. Oh. Like, normally, this would be going off.

Yeah. Like, they have a code that they are like, hey, there. Hey, cowboy. What are we gonna have today? Seiler.

And I felt like, oh, he's with a girl. We're good. I don't have to put that voice on. Okay, so while we were there, I was telling you about my very favorite greek restaurant. We were getting to know each other and telling each other our entire life stories.

And one of them was your favorite. Restaurant in Michigan is this place Olga's. And they're all over in Michigan. Huge chain. I missed the chain part when you told me about it.

Dax Shepard
And by the way, me even knowing that they were all over the place mean, it was a chain to me somehow. That makes no sense. But then we got home from the trip, and fucking, by George, I discovered there was a singular Olga's in California. And it was in Thousand oaks, which was not far from where you lived. And Bree and I had gone, and I called you.

I'm like, you're not gonna believe this. Like, you guys are only 20 minutes from an olga's. Okay, take over. So I said to Paul, we have to go. We have to go to Olga because Dax says this is his favorite greek restaurant.

Monica Padman
Oh, no. I feel like there was a specific dish that you kept mentioning. You need the original olga with triple cheese and the cheese snackers and then the bottomless salad. Oh. So I said, and the whole thing's $9.

Maya Rudolph
We have to go. And I'm thinking there's this magical greek culinary master. Tiny hole in the wall. Can you believe it's in California? We're about to have the most authentic, authentic greek culinary experience of our entire lives.

Monica Padman
I'm sweating. We get in the car and we fucking barrel it out to Thousand oaks. And I'm so excited. This is reminding me how much I love this guy. This is like my buddy.

Maya Rudolph
And I'm telling you, I don't even know. Were we texting yet in those days? Maybe it was early texting one number at a time. Yeah. And I'm thrilled.

Monica Padman
It's worse that you went with Paul and not together. Oh, we were not together. I went with Paul and I was like, you're not gonna believe this. Yeah. This is incredible.

Dax Shepard
And by the way, at this point, when we're single digit texting, I'm like, I can't wait for this review. They're gonna thank me, the amount of thanks I'm about to get. So we go, we find it. I was like, oh, wait. Shit.

Maya Rudolph
I see it from the freeway. And I was like, get off here. Oh, my God. We're here. It's in.

Pull in. And I was total strip mall. I was very surprised at what I discovered. It looked like very straightforward. Not at all a mom and pop shop.

Dax Shepard
No, no robots. Could have been. It's a robot. That's right. I've also been.

Oh, so, you know, in Michigan, it's a little closer to the source. So. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Did you like it?

Monica Padman
I did, but I knew. I knew how to sell it at this point. Yeah. You learned your lesson because of this experience. Yeah.

Maya Rudolph
So I was expecting, like, the finest hummus that I've ever. Probably flaming cheese. Flaming cheese. Absolutely. Pita bread just melting in my mouth.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Dishes of la diamonia everywhere. So we sit down at a booth among the other commoners, and you're directly. Across from the cowboy doors that go in. That's right.

Maya Rudolph
So to my right are these cowboy doors, saloon doors, which I will never forget. Important to the story. So sitting there, I'm like, okay, Texas, we gotta get these poppers and these bottomless salad. And these things are supposed to be really good. And I'm kind of, like, looking around.

Like, I feel like we're at a McDonald's. But I'm not gonna say that. You gotta trust what you taste. Are you also feeling codependent for Paul? Like, I brought him here?

Dax Shepard
Yeah, that's right. You are also mentioning the underlying factor of, I have fucking vouched for this. Yes. And it's fucking great. We've driven into Thousand oaks.

You're halfway to Santa Barbara. That's right. For this food. So we're still in it. And he's gotten to know you and loves you, and he's like, my man, this is great.

Maya Rudolph
So we finally have somebody come over to our table. They took our order at our table. We did not order it. A counter. We ordered.

And I said, we'll have this and this. And I'm thinking, like, maybe we'll get that first. And they write everything down. They leave our table, and they walk to the saloon doors where they exit, and then the saloon doors fly back open. They didn't stop swinging, and all of.

Our food was ready, and they brought it to the table, and we kind of looked at each other like, the fuck is going on? It's like a twilight zone or something. Wait, it gets so much better. Oh, no. Like, oh.

Oh, that really was really fast. All right. That's the olga's secret, is what my brain is telling me. That's the olga's secret. That's the old Olga's.

Dax Shepard
One, two, three. I'm sure grandma Olga's back there right now. She had your booth mic'd, so like, she was whipping it up before it even got back to the kitchen. So our spanakopita was hot. All of it.

The salad was hot. Salad was hot. So we dig in, and I'm kind of looking at Paul like, oh, no, what am I missing here? Is somebody fucking with us? And then I look at him, and he looks at me and he goes, are we dead?

I will never forget. I mean, what a review of my life. What a review. I've never heard a funnier thing said, are we dead? Are we dead?

Like, yeah, maybe you died on the drive up there.

Oh, my God, are we crazy? It was worth the price of admission. Oh, that is so funny. It's so funny, too. Talk about stories and stuff.

Like when you gave me your review of the experience, it's like I had a bag over my head, and all of a sudden, I saw the reality of life, and I was like, oh, you're right. There are a million of them, and it is fast food and shit. I sent them all the way up. Oh, my God. But guess what?

Maya Rudolph
I went because of how much you loved it, and that made me so happy. Hoppers. Are we dead? Till the day I die. The most classic line ever delivered by a human being.

Are we dead? That is. Oh, man. I mean, wow. I wonder how much of the food you even ate.

I don't remember. I don't even remember what anything tasted like. I just remember having an almost out of body experience, like, what's happening? Yes. What's going on?

Dax Shepard
The Zagat review would have said, like, this greek airplane food, this greek Denny's. Oh, God. I probably would have thought I was being punked. I think we probably said that over and over. Are we being punked?

Monica Padman
Wow. Oh, it was great. If I say Dax, Paul usually just says Olga. I mean, the fact that you remember the name of it because it was. 20 years ago, I will never stop remembering.

Dax Shepard
And sadly, it closed on very shortly after that, because I think it was. After that public review, are we dead? Really? Was the nail in the car come. In for the paupers stay?

Cause you're dead. Olga's. The other element of this that was such a joy was you really enjoyed our review. I love being embarrassed. You do?

I do. I understand why some men didn't like Barbie. I love Barbie so much, and I've watched it four times because. Because I love when I recognize. Oh, my God.

I've done that. Oh, my God. I've explained the godfather to a woman. You saw it, I presume? Of course.

Yeah. So we're driving home, and it's the two little girls and Kristin and I. And I'm driving, and from the backseat, Lincoln goes, mom, has dad ever played his guitar at you? And Kristen goes, oh, yeah. And I just started fucking cackling with embarrassment.

Maya Rudolph
That's wonderful. Yeah. I love, like, when I'm so stupid sometimes it just really gets me. I know that you enjoy it, and it's reciprocal. You know I love you, and therefore I'm laughing.

Dax Shepard
You are you with you. But also I enjoy the delight that you get from that. That makes me feel good. The reason the whole thing can be good is because you are the type of people that I like to think I am, too, which is like, if something's going wrong, my kind of first reaction is like, oh, good, I'll have a story. All in all, that trip's not a bummer for you guys.

It's a very funny moment in your life where paul said the funniest thing that's ever been said about a meal, and then ultimately, everyone's delighted. It all happened. So there is some level, if you would have called me, like, what the fuck was that? Paul's never gonna trust me again, I probably wouldn't have been able to laugh. Oh.

Maya Rudolph
I would have been like, pit in my stomach. Yes. So the fact that you guys had a pretty good natured reaction, I felt like I was an eight year old who told you my favorite restaurant. And that's basically what it was. Not everybody has that sense of humor about themselves that you can all talk about something, so you refrain.

So that's the joy. Why do I have a memory of us meeting there and going a second time? I feel like me, you, brie, pretty much. I bet you dreamt it. You think so?

Dax Shepard
There's no way you guys would have gone back, did you? Cause I almost feel like it was maybe. I know that I had dinner with you and paul and brie one time, and I guess I thought it was, check with Paul. You know what he would remember. We went somewhere.

You know, the other thing I would do, too, is like, I was just such a philistine and a simpleton. I had my birthday at Bucco di Beppo in the pope room, and I, like, made famous friends. At this point, I didn't even understand that they thought it was pretty crazy. My birthday was in the strip mall. I've still never been there.

You gotta go. It's so fun. You go to the pope room. It's so fun. It's so funny.

Maybe we should have a big family meal with our kids and shit. There. There you go. That's, like, the perfect place. And there's one kind of between us.

So earmark this. Good call. Okay. Loot. I watched three episodes.

Maya Rudolph
You don't have to do this, but. God, no, no, I'm gonna do this because you know what? Even if I wasn't gonna do it for you, do it for the person I entered the groundlings with. Who? To this day, there are two people having gone through the groundlings.

Dax Shepard
I said, there will be no justice on planet earth if neither of these two people are recognized for how genius they are. One of them was Melissa McCarthy, because I just had known her from the beginning, and she was working. She had a house before any of us did. But I was like, this is not right. Her as Suki was not the melissa that we were on stage with.

Maya Rudolph
That was a very different animal. Who you. I imagine would agree. She's the funniest human I've ever seen on that stage. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
150% in all the ways sketch, improv, everything. That was why she was what she was in bridesmaids. And it was that moment of all of us going, like, people are gonna finally see it. Yes. That's so cool.

She was every legendary comedian we had grown up with just sitting there waiting. And the other person I have always felt that way about is Nat Factson. I love Nat Faxon. No one cracks me up like him. I just so delighted to see him on this show with you.

Maya Rudolph
It's such a joy. People still don't know we've known each other for so long. Like, I guess I was maybe 23, 24, 25, somewhere in that range when I met him. Which means he was a child. Cause he's a youngster.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. He's probably two years younger than me. Yeah, you're younger than me, right. By a year or two. So that makes a difference.

Yeah, he's probably five years younger than you. And just the best when you're with an old friend like that. But it's the same thing for us. I know I'm gonna laugh. I know that person knows the old me, and I'm still that person for them.

Maya Rudolph
And all of that just comes to life, and people don't know that. We've known each other for so long, so there's this instant camaraderie in chemistry that comes alive that we can't even help. We're just fucking around all the time. And you get to be together on set all day long. It's really.

Dax Shepard
This is the other thing you've managed to do, is almost everything you've done has been with a friend. I know it is by choice, and it's probably part and parcel of not that hiding thing. As much as I want to feel good, I want to feel safe. I think I got better at it after I had Pearl. When I had my oldest daughter.

Maya Rudolph
I remember thinking how hard it was to be working away from home when I had a baby at home, and how painful that was. If you're doing something that doesn't feel good. And so I remember teaching myself, when you go out in the world, make sure you're happy with what you're doing, because you would rather. It has to be worth it. It has to be worth it.

And that's not to say that it's that easy to always accomplish, but it's certainly the goal. And if you can do that, makes a world of difference. Plus, we have the luxury of knowing so many fucking funny people. That's the thing about the group. Sport of it is we got so.

Dax Shepard
Lucky, it's almost impossible. When I look at how many of us from that three year time window there are all working, and you might bump into each other all over the place. It's one of the most special things in my life. I agree with you, and I've thought about this a lot because I'm no longer a cast member at SNL. And when I go back, something I've noticed is we're now living in a time where everyone has a phone.

Maya Rudolph
So when we interact, it's usually not like this. It's usually people have their phones out. But when I worked at the show, we were all playing together all the time, and same thing for groundlings. All we did was look each other in the eye and play. Yeah, all the time.

Dax Shepard
I know. Fuck. I mean, that is the crazy gift. I had all these fantasies, and this was gonna feel like that and success and the money and blah, blah. No, the hack of all hacks is that I spent the majority of my time as an adult working, playing.

Can't even dress it up. Like, just horsing around in school. Still. Yep. My friend Jenna, who's still stage manager at SNL, is the one who used the term, and I can't unsee it.

Maya Rudolph
She said you guys used to play together. What a gift. But also, lute is hysterical. I didn't realize Alan Yang and Matt Hubbard had created it. Alan Yang did a ton of master of none, which I loved.

Dax Shepard
He also was on parks and rec. Oh, and I'd be remiss not to just say, my daughters are so obsessed with you now from good place. Cause they've now binged that. Wow. They can't believe we know the judge.

It's really funny. The people that they. They get it. Like, wait, you really know her? It's like, yeah, you know that we know all these other people.

Maya Rudolph
Don't you love that? I do. Wait, you know him? Or you'll remind your kids, like, yeah, you went swimming in their pool. Wait, I know you.

Dax Shepard
Yes, yes, yes, yes. But you worked with them on forever as well. With Armisen. Yeah. Which is why I said yes to this.

Maya Rudolph
Cause I implicitly trusted them. That was really fun. Yeah. And it's so, so funny. You were married to a guy who's the richest guy in the world, or was.

Dax Shepard
And you got divorced, and there's no prenup, and you get $87 billion, and you just get to play pretty much an asshole. Is it not the funnest thing to do? It's the funnest thing. But just like everything I do, I get nervous to be too much of an asshole because then you're gonna fucking hate me. So I try to infuse it with some human qualities that I can understand.

Maya Rudolph
Cause I was just having this conversation with a friend earlier today. There's certain things you do to people if you're really mad at somebody. For example, like, I'm mad at you. So that's your trash, and it needs to be thrown away. But I'm not gonna throw it away.

Cause it's your trash. I couldn't live with myself. It's gonna get fucking thrown out. So if you're not gonna do it, I'm gonna do it right. I couldn't sleep at night.

It's that kind of shit where I just feel like there's a part of me that I'm always seeking that little bit of the good parts in people. Now, if you're an arch asshole, that's the best. That's the puddin cherry on top. Best dessert in the world. Kind of disenchanted, correct.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. I played that bad guy one time in a comedy, and I've never had more fun in my life. You go, like, what am I not allowed to say? Oh, that's what I say. And that's the thing that, like, let's be honest back to me and Monica.

Maya Rudolph
Shit, I wanted people to like me, so I never wanted to be the asshole. And a lot of times, and I've even had this conversation with Lorne at SNL, and I said, like, I just want to play the wife sometimes. Like, I just want to be the girlfriend, but instead I'm that crazy. Am I got one leg? Yes, I got a one eyeball.

But I realized later, after my frustration, that those are the juicier things. Yeah, but no cute girl wants to do that. You want to be pretty? Yeah. We all want to be everything.

We all want to be everything. And if I were just the pretty girl, boy, I sure would love a. Wooden leg sometimes in a wooden eye to go with it. But I still can't get over the fact that I don't know the signs of guys hitting on me that's going to haunt me tonight when I try to fall asleep. Good.

Dax Shepard
Good. That's what we do here. I mean, honestly, I've thought about it so much. There's so many relationships I never had. Cause I was too busy being, like, faithful.

Yeah. Do you have any regrets? Yeah. I mean, I wish I had slept around, but I didn't. Doesn't it sound like that can be fun to look back upon?

I was a hardcore addict. I like all that. There's not any part of it that I'm not delighted I did. I'm so curious as a person, it would eat me up. That's not a virtue.

That's just how I'm built. But I like that about you. I like that you're aware of that part of yourself and variables. I really am here one time. I really wanna try every flavor I.

Maya Rudolph
Wish I'd had that I went through life so scared of death that I was so careful for the majority of my life. And I definitely see myself very slowly getting out there and trying things on that I might not normally do, but, boy, as a kid, as an adolescent, way too scared. I feel like you and Paul should do some weird MDMA experience at some. Weird hotel, like ayahuasca. That's not as.

Dax Shepard
I don't think, fun. I think you should. I don't know. I don't either. I just know there's a lot of puking and shitting.

I want something a little sexier. I heard that we stayed at a house once one summer, and I heard something that can only be described as someone gutting a deer in the middle of the night. And I was like, what's this fucking sound? And I heard.

Maya Rudolph
It was, like, two in the morning. And we were out by the beach. It was just, like, pitch black. And I was like, the fuck is happening? What fucking ritual is happening next door?

And then we found out later that the guy next door ran ayahuasca workshop. A bunch of people found themselves the night before.

But what a hellscape to wake up to. Yeah. Ooh, ooh. Okay, last thing about loot the hot ones bit is so funny. Have you ever done the show in real life?

No. And I told Shawn, first of all, that guy is a fucking prince. He is a delight. And he's one of the best interviewers in the world. Incredible.

Dax Shepard
Yes. And what a dream boat. But I will tell you, I would not do well on that show. And I told him, I'm really sorry. I would love to do your show, but I don't think I would be able to.

Maya Rudolph
Like I said, is there a way to maybe eat one or two? Not only am I a wimp, I think it was Scarlett Johansson's. Might have been one of the first ones that I saw, and I saw her start to have a panic attack. And I thought, that's not gonna be good. Such good television.

It's wonderful television. I remember, I think she was holding his hand and said, like, are you here? Are you here with me? And I thought, oh, God, are we dead? Are we dead?

Dax Shepard
Basically, yeah. You could have, like, an ayahuasca experience. I like when people get so bad that, like, I saw one clicking their fingers and, like. And pulling on their earlobes, and I'm like, oh, this is. This is incredible.

Maya Rudolph
I've also heard that two to three days post the taping, you shit yourself silly. But Shawn said that he gets regular checkups and he's fine. Oh, he's probably stronger than the rest of us. I did it. Did you do the whole thing?

Dax Shepard
I asked for an 11th wing. Of course you did. I'm in their hot hall of fame. But then Kristen went on and did the same thing and kind of showed me up. Then we got really cocky about what we could eat, and then we ate this hot chocolate with Carolina Reaper in it for cherry, and we were not as good as we thought.

And it was hysterical. I was burping uncontrolled, like, you're supposed to take a bite. We're like, yeah, we already did hot ones. We'll fucking eat this whole thing. And we're filming it.

And pretty quickly, I started having all these crazy burps, and I'm drinking milk. Then I was rocking, and then I was like, it's not good. Like, I'm trying to call it off, like, van summer voice. And then, nope, nope, you would never. Because here's my question.

What's the goal we mean in your childhood? Mine is, if I appear to be indomitable, no one will try to victimize. So any display of indomitability, I run towards, and it's just childhood terrible. But that's who I am now. That's how it started.

Maya Rudolph
Well, I like that you wear that on your sleeve. Cause that is what I think of you. I think you are indomitable. Thank you. I'm trying so hard to convince you of that.

Honestly, I've always thought that. I do think there's a fun trust in knowing that's how I feel about my friend in that way. Like, give it to Dax. He'll eat it. That kind of thing.

It's fun. Sure. We can have fun with that. I really like that. And we have had fun with that.

Monica Padman
Exactly. That'll make you feel safe. I like that quite a bit. If a bear shows up, you're at least gonna have some time to run. That's kind of nice.

Maya Rudolph
You'll handle it, right? He'll kill me, but I will run at it, of course. But I also know that I won't be able to handle it, and therefore my buddy will. Yeah. And I like that quite a bit.

Dax Shepard
Not only will I do it, I secretly kind of pray for that kind of situation. Have you been close? Oh, sure. I've taken on a couple dudes at the CV's that were harassing Kristen.

Maya Rudolph
Speaking of bears. Well, Rudy. Maya, I love you. I'm so glad you came and did this. I know.

And I feel like I forgot that you would ask me eleven times because I realize now, like, yeah, I was probably terrified to talk about myself. And now I'm like, fuck it. You only go around once. Now you take it on my motto. But now I'm just better at being okay with that stuff.

I know. I have a car ride home of like, ugh. When I said my butthole was tight, you know, whatever. The thing is, I'm like, why did I say that? But in general, I think it took me a long time to get comfortable with it.

But also, it's you. That's why I'm here. Oh, I just was so excited. You finally said yes. I love that.

It makes it sound like I'm in high demand. I'm not. I think you asked once, like, would you ever do it? And I was like, I don't know. I think we asked a few times.

Monica Padman
I really do. Really? Yeah, you're a. But I don't mind at all because, look, like, Poehler and I are really good friends, and she actually loves the show. I'm always so flattered.

Maya Rudolph
She listens, so she loves to hear about people's minds and how they think. We have a similar disposition. And so I said to her, like, hey, I would love for you to do it. And she's like, babers, I just respect the show too much to not come on and do what you're supposed to do. And I don't really want to do it.

Dax Shepard
I'm like, great. I knew. I was like, oh, he knows that I'll do it if I feel comfortable. But I kind of woke up and I was like, oh, fuck, I've been feeling comfortable. Let's go.

Oh, good, good, good. Don't you think, though, you have kids, you get older. A lot of. Of the stuff that I look back on, let's even say when I would bring up Paul. I know that whole thing when I was with Kristen and people were following us.

At the beginning, I was so protective of all that. I didn't talk about it at all. Yeah. And I didn't want anyone to take a picture. And then when we had kids, there's another round of, like, the comfort level I have with it now.

When I look back, I can't even find purchase in that feeling anymore. I'm like, I know that's how I was, but I can't even relate to that kind of panic about it. It's true. And I didn't come here to say, hey, everybody get kids. That's not the statement.

Maya Rudolph
But for me, I'm experiencing life the way I'm experiencing it now because there was a part of that story that I was telling myself about being the victim for the majority of my life that I needed to move forward with because. Right. You get aware. I refuse to pass this on. Absolutely.

Dax Shepard
Yes. And it's so much easier when that person is small and beautiful and cute and smells good and you just think they're the greatest wonder of the world. Why we don't think about ourselves that way, I will forever find fascinating for the rest of my life. And also seeing my dad with my kids. I see myself because I see him seeing me and my kids.

Maya Rudolph
And I love that exchange, too. That's just been such a beautiful life experience. I know more than you I'm guilty of, like, they're the greatest experience times 100. I've had some fucking epic experiences. And, yeah, they kind of cured most of my existential crises.

Dax Shepard
Now I know what it's like to have a singular priority, and then everything else is gravy. I like gravy. Yeah, gravy's delish. Well, you know where they got really good gravy? Boston market.

Oh, they smother that meat level. Oh, my gravy. I like gravy. It's so good. You didn't change your voice for the movie.

Maya Rudolph
It's still that one. No, I went in there, and Mike said, this is super nice of me, too. Let's get out of here. I told you this when we were making movie. There was a guy on my hall my freshman year in college that talked like that.

Dax Shepard
Yeah, well, I knew a kid in high school who talked like. That's where I got it. Like, his tongue was glued to the bottom of his mouth. Talk like Duff. Yeah.

Monica has to interact with Frido sometimes, and she. Frido makes his way onto the show quite a lot. Cause I always want to talk to her about her apartment and what's happening. Frido likes to take a shit in a. He's a predator.

Maya Rudolph
He shits in a la z boy. But then you find out sometimes he's never really been with anyone. And you kind of get a little sick. Oh, my God. In your pants.

Dax Shepard
What's I like?

All right. I love you so much. So much. That was great. So great.

Everyone watch lutes season two comes out on April 3. It's hysterical. Of course, the two people behind it and all the actors are incredible. Yes, we have good people. But if you're in that fact, Jackson, Stan, you're gonna plot.

Apple. Watch it. Wow.

Stay tuned for the fact check so you can hear all the facts that were wrong.

Okay, I've got numbers. I've got numbers. You know, I was a little bit late and you know why, Cody? I'm sure you saw connections. What happened?

Well, just. I wanted to finish connections before we got on, and I was on the commode. Truth be told. Of course, I'm normally doing it also on the commode. Yeah, it's a good place.

And we have stupidly all set out on this mission now to get purple first, which is. It had to happen. You know, it's so arrogant. Well, you have to elevate every game. You know, if you're riding your bicycles around, eventually you gotta build a little, you know, you gotta keep upping it.

It's the human condition. We have seen Yna now because we found an Instagram video of her speaking. And I stand corrected. It's not a middle aged white gentleman. No, it's, as predicted, a nice asian woman.

Monica Padman
Now, I don't wanna know about her. Too much info. It feels like voyeuristic or something. I just don't wanna know about her to stay Oz. Okay.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Cause I'm wondering if you drill down really deep into what's happening. What do you think this parallels? Hmm. This is a good question.

Because it is a Monica ism. This is very much a Monica ism thing. Yeah. But I'm having a hard time remembering other comps of when you've been this way. But you have very strong unlucky vibes.

Monica Padman
Or, oh, knock on wood, unlucky. I think. Okay. I think. Here's what it is.

She's become a character in our lives. Robbie, Max, Callie, in you and I and Robbie. I said that's why I started out. Robbie. Sorry.

It's like cutting. It cuts off when we're. For some reason, when we do FaceTime, when we're doubling up on words, it cuts out. Earmark that that's an interest. I want to bring up the phone thing.

Dax Shepard
Okay. Okay. Yes. So she's become a character, and I love her as a character. I don't want to know too much about her because then she's real.

Okay. And is that because you're enjoying calling her, like, a sexy bitch and a monster? You're not supposed to. I don't call her a monster. I don't call her when you're mad at her.

Monica Padman
Sometimes I call her. Oh, Dax. That's for the chain only. Okay. I'm new to chains.

Dax Shepard
I'm sorry. Yeah, you have a lot to learn about chains. But I'm really trying to get to the bottom of this, so I'm like, I'm throwing a lot of theories at the wall. One of them, I think, might be, is if she's more of a fictitious Oz character, you can complain about her and be mean to her and then celebrate her genius the next, and you'll have no real misgivings. One, she's not real.

Monica Padman
I want her to be AI in some ways. Right. And then you took the liberty of sending us a video of her real. Real face, real voice. There's a person named Joel in the mix now that we now know about.

And, you know, I just. It's too much. Okay. Just too much. Also, her name is not even wyna.

It's winna or something like that. Oh, boy. Yeah. Okay. So you're in a gorgeous hotel room in New York City.

I am. And I'm in a gorgeous hotel room in Austin city. You are. And I am gonna complain, but I'm no longer gonna say the name of the place. There was a couple days where I was.

Dax Shepard
Was so upset I was going to name this place, but I've thought better of it. Okay. But let's just say Saturday, rode my motorcycle to the airport. Couldn't have been easier. No line to check in Burbank?

No, no. Lax. But it was very dead in there, and everything went so swimmingly. I think I got to the airport in, like, 21 minutes on the motorcycle, and then I was in there. I was like, oh, this was really easy.

And then the flight was also very easy. It was only 2 hours and ten minutes. That's nothing, you know? Absolutely nothing. Then I land, and then I go step up to the rental car line of a company I've never rented with.

As soon as I walk in, I'm like, oh, boy, that's a long line. It's much, much longer than all the other companies. Okay. But also the other companies have pretty good lines as well. Being fair, I got in the line and I immediately text.

I text Peter because he was texting me. And I said, I've just gotten in a line that looks like it's gonna be 2 hours. I was kind of joking. The line was 2 hours and nine minutes. No, Monica, it was 1 minute shorter than my flight to Austin.

Imagine getting off the plane and then sitting for the full length of the flight in this line. And of course people are going bananas, right? No one knows what to do. Everyone's like, should we leave this? It's going nowhere, right?

For 40 minutes, I didn't even move up a foot. Why? What's going on? I'll tell you exactly what's going on. They did not have enough cars.

So it's like as soon as someone steps up, they're just kind of stalling them long enough for some other car to come back to the airport and then quickly wash it. People were pacing and leaving. It was really something. An hour into it. I looked, and not one of the rental car places had any customers whatsoever.

It was just this one, still. And then after 2 hours and nine minutes, I finally get up there. I'd kept myself in a good mood. I was actually thinking, like, this is exactly what you need. Your life's very easy.

You're very lucky. Sometimes you gotta wait too. You need some adversity. Yeah. You need to be inconvenienced a bit.

Monica Padman
Yeah. I am very specific about the cars I wanna drive, as you know. So I had reserved a full size pickup truck. Texas lone star state. Wow.

Dax Shepard
I'm talking to her and she's going abnormally slow. This is when I start piecing it together that they just don't have cars. And then she says, oh, yeah, okay. They're looking to see if we have a truck. And then I'm just at the counter for 15 minutes, probably.

And now I start to get a little bonkers. Cause you're just staring face to face with someone. She was kind of doing busy work, like fake work. She asked me a question once in a while and finally she goes, we do have a ct four. Like this tiny little crossover Cadillac.

Monica Padman
Okay. We have that you could get on your way right now. And I said, uh huh. And is that the only car you have? She said, yeah, that's the only thing that's ready.

Dax Shepard
After 2 hours of nightmares, I got into a tiny little crossover. Okay. And not the pickup truck I reserved. Oh, my God. And I just thought, well, okay, that's the very last time I'll ever rent from those folks.

Monica Padman
Uh huh. Then there's a second. End of the story. This is so bratty. But I didn't even know there was rooms in this hotel that didn't have a balcony.

Dax Shepard
The reason I love this hotel is there's a balcony overlooking town lake. That's why I go there. So I get in my room, and I've just had this rental car thing, and I'm like, oh, man. I'm in the one room without a balcony. So then I call the front desk, and I say, oh, I hate to be a brat, but I'm here for so long.

I'm here for a week. Just wonder if there's any room with the balconies open. And she's like, oh, yes, of course. I'll send someone up with keys right now. I'm like, great.

I repack all my stuff, and then I just sit on the couch, like, with nothing to do with my backpack on, waiting for these keys to arrive. And, you know, 15 minutes goes by, 20 minutes goes by. I already was a brat and asked for the room anyways, at 40 minutes, I call, and I go, hey, just wanted to check in on those keys that we're supposed to come up now. It's another person. And she says, oh, were you calling because you wanted a room with a balcony?

And I said, yeah. And she goes, oh, yeah, we don't have one tonight. Oh. And I go, oh, okay. And then she goes, we might have one tomorrow.

And I go, okay, great. And I'm like, okay, what's happening? Yeah. Did you think the world was starting to conspire? Also?

Additional thoughts being like, should I not do a track day on Monday? Like, are these all signals like, you're not supposed to be here. We're gonna make this as inconvenient as possible. And again, who fucking cares? Balcony.

No balcony. Cadillac problems, as they would say, literally. Ding, ding, ding. Cadillac problems. It was the.

It'll be up in five minutes. And me just sitting on the edge of the bed because I want to go put on my swimsuit and go for a walk and then go for a swim. So, at any rate, from the time I landed to the time I was actually on my feet walking around was. We took a four hour hours of delays. But then Sunday came around, went to the race.

The race was so fun. Good. I got to present the trophy. That's exciting. I had never done that.

Monica Padman
How'd you do it? Okay, so, as luck would have it, there's a new super exciting rider right now, Pedro Acosta, and he's a rookie. He's 19. He's only raced three races, and he's been on the podium and two of them. He's insane.

Dax Shepard
He's so fast. It's like a new Valentino Rossi. So everyone in the sport's obsessed with him reinvigorating the sport. It turns out I got to give him his trophy. Wow.

For second place. Did you kiss him? I bent a knee and held it up high like he were a knight. Yeah. And I bowed to him and held up his trophies.

I felt really good about it. Okay, good. Okay, so that's fun. So you did that. And then Monday, I went and rode on the track.

I had never ridden on circuit of Americas, and it was so outrageously fun. My lord. Was it fun. Huge track, like, over 3 miles long. A lot to learn.

Rode a bunch of different bikes, all in 120 minutes of riding, six sessions. I was so gassed by the end of it. And then yesterday woke up and was like, I don't know if I'm able to walk today. But then plowed through medicinal waters of Barton Springs back on track. Did you have any close calls on the motorcycle?

None. Oh, good. It was a very, very fun. The track is so big that you're spread out a lot. So, yeah, that was good.

Monica Padman
I fought some codependency. I was like, I want to check in, see if he's dead. I just want to know. Yeah. But I need to monitor that for myself, so I won't.

You know, I was like, I won't do it. Right. But then the next day, you hadn't participated in connections. Mm. Mm hmm.

And I was like, oh, my God. So then I did have to text. You, and I did have to make. Sure that you were alive and you were. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Stronger for it. I'm really mad that I had that one crash in 20 years, because, of course, now everyone would be right to worry. It's not that, and it's not you. Like, I. You know, I have this sense I also don't want to check in because I don't want him to feel like I think he's not capable or something.

Monica Padman
It's not that. It's just. It's an inherent. The reality of what you're doing is very dangerous. Right.

So I'm gonna be scared. Yeah. That's my type. That's my sign. That's my enneagram.

Ding, ding, ding. To this episode. It changes your enneagram. It's day to day. No, we just talk about it on this episode.

Dax Shepard
Oh, okay. Okay. And it's one of my facts. Okay. I don't think I'm gonna be able to relay this sensation for you, but I wanna tell you what the highlight was.

Monica Padman
Okay. There is, at the back of the track, there's three right hand turns. It's very, very long stretch, and you're going through three different right hand turns. And they had just resurfaced that, like, I guess, a couple weeks ago for the race. And so that entire turn, which has got to be like a half mile or, I don't know, close to it, you're all the way down.

Dax Shepard
And so your knee is sliding along this new asphalt for a long time. And it felt so nice. Cause it was new. It felt like dragging your knee and felt. Ooh.

And then I asked many of the other riders if they were having the same sensation. And they were all. There was like an ASMR ass aspect to the texture of this asphalt. When your knee was dragging on it, that was so pleasing, like it was almost calling you to low slide and just let your whole body slide on it. Cause it was so soft and weird.

Monica Padman
Feeling kind of like hair play. Yes. Yes. Cause normally when your knee drag, it's like the asphalt's pretty clumpy and it's. It's not like baby skin.

Dax Shepard
You can feel the little bumps of the asphalt. Sure. This was like just this super soothing, consistent. Felt like lotion. Yes.

Oh, it was euphoric. Speaking of bumpy skin and lotion and exfoliation. Yeah. Yes. I had a massage yesterday at Shibu Spa at the Greenwich Hotel, which is an incredible, incredible spa in New York.

Monica Padman
If you are here, it's worth doing. It's a japanese spa. Anywho, I thought I booked a regular massage. 60 minutes, Reg. And so I'm walking to the massage, and Kate Mara, friend of the pod.

No love her. She texts me. We hang out sometimes in LA. We try to see each other, but we've been trying for a couple weeks and it has not worked. She texts me and says, are you in New York?

I'm here for 24 hours. No way. Yes. And I guess I'll say it. Cause I would be gone by them.

But she said, I'm staying at the Bowery. Where are you staying? No. Yes. And I, as everyone knows, maxed out, right.

So I do two hotels and I. So I had just got to the Bowery that day. Yeah, very sim. It was so sim. I said, oh, my God, me too.

We have to hang out. But I already had plans. Later with my friend Sally. So we had to figure this all out. But I was walking into this massage.

So the loose plan was that we would hang after my massage before I went to meet Sally. Yeah. And I said, okay, I'm walking in. I'll text you when I'm out. I go into the massage and the incredible massage therapist says, okay, so I have you for 2 hours.

And I was like, oh, yeah. And it was so mixed messies because normally I would be ecstatic about this. Of course. Yeah. But I was panicked because I didn't have my phone.

It was in the locker room. Locker room. I was like, oh, no, Kate is gonna be waiting an extra hour. Oh God. So I really had to talk about Cadillac problems.

I had to really compartmentalize and say, don't let this stress you. Like, just be. You're here. Well, really quick, why not just say to her, oh, wow, great. I thought it was in only an hour, but this is so exciting.

Dax Shepard
It's 2 hours. I gotta run to the locker room and send a friend a text and I'll be right back. No, I didn't have that. That was. Okay.

That's. That never even crossed my mind. Oh, okay. That was not an option. Oh, wow.

Monica Padman
When you're in a massage, don't you feel like. I kind of feel like I have no right. For sure. You don't deserve it. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Well, you don't deserve this. Exactly. It's already too nice that someone would. Do that for you, any of this.

Monica Padman
Yeah. Yeah. And you want to be a good little boy, so, you know, no one gets in trouble. So I would never. It's the same thing of why I don't.

If they ask about the pressure I normally am, just like, it's great. Even. Even if it's not. Sorry. That immediately brings back PTSD.

Dax Shepard
On Bree's birthday, when we went to the massage company in Santa Monica, and I was up from the night before doing coke. Oh, what happened? I had to. 15 minutes after I got on the bed, I'm like, I definitely need another line. There's no way I can sit through another 45 minutes of this.

So I said, I'm so sorry. I got to use the bathroom, went to the locker room, did a bunch of bumps, came back thinking, well, that'll get me through the rest of the massage. 15 minutes later. I'm so embarrassed. I got up.

No, I got up three times in an hour. Massage to go to the. Was it a couple's massage? No, but it was her birthday. We had like planned we're going to the massage.

It was such an indulgence for us. I think they were, like, dollar 40 massages, and I just kept getting off of the table to go into the locker room. Yeah. Oh, I really ruined that whole experience. And my nose was dripping so bad.

Cause it was so clogged from the 24 hours of snorting. Okay, I have questions. Yeah. Questions. It's such a weird.

Monica Padman
It's how I know, like, not to. It's how I know you're, like, just such a real addict, because you're not. Like. That's not you, right? No.

Dax Shepard
No. And so you as a sober person, and then you in that zone is so. So different. Totally. That's all true.

And also, I'm still acting like me. Let us not forget. Well, I know, but you're such a duplicitous. You like, it's. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Monica Padman
In a way that. That's very unlike you. Normally. It's interesting. I'm insanely irresponsible when I'm.

Yeah. And I'm normally probably defined by being responsible. Quite responsible. Yes, exactly. So interesting.

Dax Shepard
Which is why I liked it so much. I think it was like that freedom of that. Sure. So, did Brie know that you had a problem? We should.

We're gonna interview Bree, by the way. We are. We are. Yeah. When I went and hung out with her not too long ago, she was saying how much she loves that she's famous in her hometown of Everett.

Cause of the podcast. Ah. And I was like, well, you know, we would love to have you. And she was like, I think I would do it. I think I'd be up for it.

Monica Padman
Easter egg. Yeah. So we should ask her what her evaluation was. But look, she was 24. Everyone's a baby here.

Dax Shepard
Everyone's a baby. Also, she drinks. Like, we partied. And just. I also do the other thing, which means I don't go to sleep, but then I see her in the morning.

Yeah. You know, I felt tremendous guilt over. That was her Saturday birthday, and it really got hijacked by. I couldn't be anywhere for longer than 15 minutes without having to go do this thing. And I can only imagine how sharp I was at that point, being awake for a day and a half.

So I felt tremendous guilt about it. But she was. She was like, what a great birthday. I went. I got the massage that you got me.

I don't care what yours is like. I don't really care what's going on with you in the locker room. And then, yeah, we went out to eat, and she ate what she wanted. I wasn't hungry, of course. Cause I was jacked up.

But, like, yeah, she just was. I think depending on what family you're from, there's, like, a baseline of ability to overlook a lot of stuff. She wasn't worried. She just wasn't worried. She wasn't worried.

I don't know that she ever got worried about me. I guess I had really fooled her. But that's what I mean. Did you fool her? Oh, no, no.

I was dead honest. Like, if I would go out on a Thursday to have a few drinks, and it would turn into coke, I would call her nonstop throughout my adventures. So every couple hours, I'd be like, hey, I'm here now. I'm probably gonna come home in 2 hours. And she used to be like, okay.

Wasn't worried. So I did check in a lot. I was honest about what I was. I knew that you left the massage three times. Well, once we met up in the locker room.

Yes, yes, yes. Yeah. She said, how was yours? I'm like, I was in and out of the locker room. Do you think you.

Monica Padman
You know, you, Dax, and the relative, you pick partners subconsciously, whom, for better or worse, feed you in the moment, feed you for that time of life? Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been conscious of who I was picking until Chris, so let's start there subconsciously. Well, I guess if you're meeting people, like, the very first time I met Brie, me and a friend, you know, were on meth. It was, like, the first time I had ever tried meth. So I met her out on meth and drinking, and she was drinking, and it was just, like, an explosion of familiarity and love at first sight feeling, and I certainly didn't consider.

Dax Shepard
But I didn't meet her at church. You know, I met her partying. But, like, you could never have been with someone at that time of. In your life. You could not have been with someone who was worried about you.

No, that I couldn't have. And if you look at all my friends back then, too, it was all of us living quite recklessly, and you couldn't really. Yeah, that was, like, an unset agreement. No one's really gonna be guilting anyone out for their obvious scary behavior. Guilting is a specific word, right?

Monica Padman
I mean, and I hear what you mean, but to me, it's just worry, concern for the person and for then yourself. Like, you're. Like, I'm in this relationship with this very, very reckless person. So you couldn't be with someone who was having those thoughts. True.

Dax Shepard
No. I couldn't have been with a super nervous coda pen. It wouldn't have worked for me in those early years. Yeah. Yeah.

I just wrote about this recently, this unwritten, unsaid agreement in certain neighborhoods where it's like, yeah, everyone's gonna hear a crazy fight outside. Everyone's gonna hear someone getting slapped around on the porch. Everyone's gonna hear someone's dad in the yard doing whatever. And the kindness everyone can show to each other is just to completely ignore that it ever happened so that you're not piling on, on top of it the next morning when you see your neighbor, and she clearly got beat up last night by her husband, the kindness is, I'm just gonna ignore this and not add shame to your plate or embarrassment. And I do think it becomes, like, a way of life in some.

I can't. I can only speak for the neighborhoods where I grew up. The overall tolerance for all this stuff was like. I think an outsider had been like, oh, these people don't care how their neighbors act or whatever. But I think, really, it was like the kindest gesture you could do is just pretend that you didn't hear this crazy ruckus the night before.

Monica Padman
Yeah. So they didn't have to deal with that as well. I don't know. There's some element of that was going on, I think. Yeah.

I think. Well, not. I think, obviously, you are not in that place anymore. Right. So the people in your life have changed.

You have space for people who have worry. Yep. Yeah, yeah. And yourself, I think, are less likely to turn a blind eye when you see someone you care about in a not a good position. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
It's tricky to know when to do that. Yeah. But, I mean, I know you've. I've seen you've done it a couple times. Yeah.

And maybe as I get older, I'm. I feel more. I've earned a place age wise or something. But also, I think you now know that concern is an act of love. It's not necessarily an act of judgment.

Monica Padman
I feel like it used to be. That was your viewpoint of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. And I think I.

Dax Shepard
Hopefully I figured out how to approach those people without. At all. Yeah. I always just start with, like, oh, I know. Exactly.

I know exactly what you're going through. I've been here. Yeah. So many times. Yeah.

Anyhow, by the way, if we talk about. Talked about Synon at all, it. Synon. It's on HBO right now. It's a doc series.

I think they come out either every Sunday or every Monday night. I'm one behind, but I had never heard of this thing Cinnanon. It was started by a guy with, like, a couple years sober as an alcoholic in Santa Monica. And he started taking junkies in off the street, and no one knew what to do with junkies at that point. In the mid to late sixties, there was no treatment specifically for heroin.

And so he would invite these people in. They would kick on the couch. And then he had invented this thing called the synonym game. And it's like a meeting, but people are encouraged to yell at each other and be super aggressive and mean and let it rip. Just no violence is the rule.

But calling each other a fucking liar, you're full of shit. Screaming at each other. And they're interviewing all these people who still to this day, are. So in an era where nobody got sober from heroin, there was just no treatment. So this thing starts working with the synagogue, and it's so weird and interesting to watch.

And there's all these sessions that are filmed from the sixties. And basically, you know, the Del Mar hotel next to shutters in Santa Monica, which is like a gorgeous hotel. Do you know that one? It's like brick shutters, but I don't know that one. It's directly across the street, and it's a beautiful brick building that was their Synanon headquarters.

And this thing grows, and it starts growing really rapidly. And he is opening up different synagons all around. All of a sudden, people just become aware of this. They want to play the synonym game. So all of a sudden, all these civilians start joining, and they call them lifestylers.

And so there's a whole section of Synan where the people are living there in a commune, and they're playing this game and yelling at each other. Now there's kids there. There. It grows into this crazy, humongous business. Whoa.

They're making, like, $22 million a year. At some point, they built a city. It's very boguan. Whoa. And the very first episode, at the very beginning, you find out this ultimately ends in multiple murders.

But watching this man go from, like, a very well intentioned man, truly doing good, and then what success does and notoriety and money, and how it just took this guy on a path and everyone in it. And so one of the people was saying, what's really interesting, if you look at the history of Synanon, it parallels whatever the founder was going through. So at first, it was all about sobriety. But then, as that wasn't the main thought anymore, it was way more about these lifestylers. At some point, he was told he had to quit smoking.

So everyone in Cinenon had to quit smoking. People left cause they couldn't smoke anymore. But it's crazy how huge this organization was. It's very good. Wow.

Monica Padman
I'm definitely gonna watch that. That's crazy. I couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it ever. Synon. Okay, but back to Kate and my massage.

Dax Shepard
Oh, yeah. Yeah. So it was 2 hours. The whole first hour was stretching and then body brushing and then a full exfoliant. And then I had to shower.

Monica Padman
It was a whole thing. Oh, so you, midway through the massage, you had to go take a shower? Yeah. Was she in there? She left.

I got in the shower, and then when I was in the shower, she came back in to reset the bed. Cause, you know, there's scrub everywhere. Yeah, yeah. She made a mess. It was so nice and exciting, but I had to set aside my worries about Kate.

Dax Shepard
Did you, do you feel extra soft from it? So soft. Really? Like turns 1112 and 13? Yeah.

Monica Padman
Like your felt? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was so soft. I've never been so soft in my whole life. It was so exciting.

And then it all worked out. Kate and I got to hang out. Oh, fun. We went to this really cool bar called the mulberry bar. I had a martini, she had champagne, I think.

And then there were some really nice armchairs there. There were. There's been some really nice run ins here. Oh, fun. I was telling you over text, I've had some run ins, too, but also I've had some real moments where I was like, oh, this is an interesting transition.

Dax Shepard
The first night I was here, I went downstairs to have a diet coke, and the whole lobby was full of. I don't know what this tradition is called, but it was like sorority girls and their moms were in town. It was like sorority. Sorority moms and daughters party. Does that make.

Ring a bell to you? I mean, it makes sense. Sense, yeah. Very southern. And all the girls were dressed, like, in very formal outfits.

And the moms who had also gone to the sororities, they were all out there. And what I noticed very clearly was I was completely invisible. I was like, oh, yeah, not one of these ladies who's presumably they're all 20 punked, stopped airing before they were born. I haven't been on tv in four years. Like, there was total anonymity, and I was like, oh, this is really interesting.

That phase of my life is diminishing. And how does it make you feel? I will say I was very at peace with it. I just was. I was conscious of it.

New people are born and they take over the planet, and that's how it goes. It's all pretty temporary. Yeah, Buddhists. Very temporary. But which is why when you place all your value there, it's problem.

Yes. I could see that. Maybe ten years ago, that would have scared me. It didn't scare me. I just was observing it.

I was like, oh, yeah, yeah. Used to be if I was around a bunch of 20 year olds on punk, you know, they would know who I was. Mm hmm. So I think because my first experience was all young people, to see young people who'd have no clue. I'm like, all right, yeah, I'm an old person.

Monica Padman
Yeah. And maybe there's a couple 50 year olds at this bar. Yeah. Yeah. Age.

It's crazy. Yeah. Relevance. Age. So anyways, I took that as my signal that I could go walk around ut yesterday.

Oh, and did you? I did. I strolled around the campus, and it was so beautiful. I can't believe I've been coming here for 22 years and I never actually walked on the campus. But what's very obvious and cool is the, like, huge, tall tower on the campus where the shooter was.

Dax Shepard
Mind you, it was orientation day, and there was a grandma there with her three or four grandkids, and she had gone there, and she's like, I was in that building when the shooter was shooting. It's in the sixties, you know, but. I don't even know about this. Oh, like one. I think the first very, very famous, famous shooting was at UT.

Monica Padman
Oh. And the guy was in this tall tower in the sixties, but the grandma that was there had been there at that time. What just happened is, like, exactly what you're just talking about. I don't know about that. Yeah.

And I don't think anyone like my age knows about that. Right. That was a huge thing. And for the grandma to come to terms would like that there would be that. Everyone wouldn't know about that for eternity is probably very weird.

Dax Shepard
Like, that was the biggest thing to happen in the sixties. And she lived through it, and everyone was like, wait, there was. Oh. But at any rate, the tower of the school is lined up perfectly with the state capitol. And then there's a big statue of George Washington in between the two.

And so it was all clearly laid out, like, designed, almost like DC has these, like, corridors where you can connect these different monuments. So I was like, oh, this is incredibly cool. The state capitol and the university all lined up like that design intent. Yeah, I like that. It's beautiful.

Monica Padman
I had the worst. Have I already talked about this? Like, the worst day of my. Not the worst day of my life, but a horrible day was orientation day. Okay, what happened?

My mom and my aunt came to orientation, and it's over a period of some days, and I didn't have the right shots, so I had to go randomly to the health center and get these random shots. We had to take all these tests to, like, qualify into certain maths and englishes and stuff. Oh, wow. I, like, wasn't prepared, and I was stressed about the shots, and so I did bad on the math test, and then my mom and aunt were just, like, not with me. They were just, like, gallivanting around campus, like, eating the chocolate fountain.

And I was so, so stressed out. And then the next day, I lost my phone. All right? I'd lost my phone or couldn't. I didn't have my phone, and I was supposed to meet up with Callie, and I had to ask a stranger for their phone.

They didn't want to give it to me, and I was like, I hate this place. This is a big mistake. This is a huge mistake. Plus, there's so many icebreaker games, and, you know, I hate audience participation. I hate icebreakers.

So orientation was not for me. And I was thinking, I don't know, about this college. I didn't know that they held tests during orientation. Yeah, I thought they showed you where, like, the dining facility and the dorms were. And here's where you watch basketball games.

They mix in some tests. That's another interesting thing. They're recruiting right now in this hotel. Oh. The basketball team is, like, having a weekend where they get all these high school kids from around the country, and they kind of wow them and try to convince them to go to ut to play basketball.

Dax Shepard
It's all happening in my lobby. That's cool. It is. Okay, so this is from Maya. Oh.

Oh, what a ding ding ding. I'm in Austin at the hotel that Maya and I would call each other. You're right. Big Mac, filet of fish.

Monica Padman
Oh, what was with the pin? About the phone. Mm. Okay, maybe three nights ago, I was talking to the girls at night, Facetiming, and Lincoln and I were saying. We were singing wildfire, this really cheesy song that's on yacht rock radio that we love.

Dax Shepard
It's about a girl and her horse named Wildfire. And they call him Wildfire. And they call him Wild.

He makes wild, like eleven syllables. And then Delti and mom were not super familiar with it. So then I pulled it up on my Spotify while I'm facetiming and I play it and they can't hear it. And then they start playing it independently on their phone. And this technology, I mean, I don't know if this is proof of the sim or what, but it's playing loudly out of my speaker on my phone.

And it's playing loudly out of their speaker on their phone. Different place of the song. And all we can hear is each other's voices. Interesting. How the fuck does it do that?

We were tripping out. All of us were tripping out so much like. Wait, you're playing it? Yes, I'm playing it loud. That's how good the phone has gotten.

That somehow, if it's playing a song, it's like mapped the sound or math of that and somehow filters that out and only does your voice talking. We should try it. We should try it so you know what I'm talking about. It's weirder than you think it is. It's like impossible.

How would I not be hearing their song if it's playing loudly out of the phone or facetiming on? Isn't that wild? Yeah. Fire. It's wildfire.

Monica Padman
Okay, couple facts. Okay. Is Dave Thomas real? Yeah. He was born in 1932 in New Jersey, and he died in 2002.

And he is the founder of Wendy. He only made it to 70. I guess that's not very old. Too many hamburgers. I don't wanna say that.

Dax Shepard
I don't either. He founded the first wendy's in Ohio in 1969. Okay. Wolf Spiders. A wolf spider.

Monica Padman
I wanted to know if they were the same as a tarantula. I mean, they're their own thing. They're a member of the family. I definitely can't pronounce it. They're gross.

They're really horrible. Okay, I hate. But in your trusting that Maya knew it was a wolf spider over a tarantula. Well, she called it a wolf spider. I mean, I don't know.

I don't have a picture of the original spider, so I can't do my research like that. Yeah, I just don't. I'm not sure. And I love Maya and she probably is very schooled in entomology, but I just don't. I don't know why she would know that was a.

Dax Shepard
I was there too, and it was definitely a tarantula. From my estimation, you think it was different? Unless you just read to me that a wolf spider is a tarantula. Like, it was certainly tarantula size. Are wolf spiders tarantula size?

Monica Padman
I bet tarantula's in that same. Ew. I hate this. Ugh. Maybe tarantulas don't even live in tarzana.

Okay, okay, okay. The tarantula looks a bit hairier. Oh, yeah. This thing was fucking. It looked like a gorilla.

This wolf spider has, like. Like four eyes.

I hate this. No, they have eight eyes. Sure. One for each leg. Eight eyes arranged in three rows.

Dax Shepard
You can't arrange eight into three rows. Yes. The bottom row consists of four small eyes. The middle row has two very large eyes, and the top row has two medium sized eyes. Oh, it goes four, two, two.

Monica Padman
Yeah. Why do they need all those eyes? It's because it says most arachnids are blind or have poor vision. Wolf spiders have excellent eyesight. Ooh.

Dax Shepard
Better to eat you with. Yep, exactly. They inject venom. Oh, no, thank you. No, thank you at all.

Monica Padman
And then tarantula, more classic texwa. The prototypical when you're afraid of a spider, that's what you're picturing. But they're not in the same family. They're not? Mm mm.

Dax Shepard
Okay. The black widow, I guess, is probably. Scarier than the tarantula. Yeah. Oh, the wolf spider, you mean?

No, the black widow. Cause their bite can be lethal. I believe Latrodectus is a broadly distributed genus of spiders with several species that are commonly known as the true widows. This group is composed of those often loosely called black widow spiders, brown widow spiders, and similar spiders. Yuck.

Maya Rudolph
Ew. They have, like, red on them, right? The black widow. That's how you know poison. Ugh.

Monica Padman
What are we doing? That spider was poison. Who does Scarlett Johansson play in? Black widow? Widow.

Does she play that? I think so. Black widow. That's such a crazy sim. That is literally my next fact that just popped up is Scarlett Johansson.

Dax Shepard
Okay. Cause on hot ones, she does grab his hand like Maya's. Hold on. Let me see if I can play some of it. Oh, God, it burns.

Mm hmm. Oh, my God. I don't know if I can recover. You're gonna. You know, this is as bad as it's gonna be.

This is as bad as it's gonna get. And it'll have a half life. You'll get back. You'll get back.

Maya Rudolph
Hold my hand. I got you. We're in this together. Okay? Okay?

Uh huh. Hold my hand. I got you. It's so hot. Hold my hand.

Monica Padman
Are you experiencing this, too? I am. I just know what to expect. I've been here before. Believe it or not, we've been doing this show for, like, eight seasons, 150 plus episodes.

Maya Rudolph
Oh, my God. And this has been around. It's round two for about 100 of them. I gotta walk around. Take a lap, scarlet.

Monica Padman
Oh, boy. It's kind of a ding ding ding because her. Her. The movie. Her.

Dax Shepard
Yes. That voice on synced this week. Whoa. Things got nuts because. Yeah.

Monica Padman
Cause Liz made this AI boyfriend, Dan. Oh. And we talked to him, and it was so bizarre. You tell him to be like. She taught him to be natural sounding.

Dax Shepard
Okay. So he adds ums and, oh, he speaks. He speaks. And today we posted it, and a lot of people said he sounds like Adam Craig. And he does.

Monica Padman
He just sounds like a guy. Yeah. And what kind of stuff does he say to her? Like, you're so pretty today. Well, she asked him to always take her side.

Dax Shepard
Oh, okay. And, wow. I know. It is fascinating. I watched an interesting clip of Yuval Harari being interviewed, and he was saying, what's gonna be interesting about interacting with AI companions is, he said, a human.

All we're doing is sitting here and thinking about what we're gonna say to craft our identity to you and to imbue whatever qualities we want you to think we have. Like, we're listening, but we're not humans. We're all so selfishly motivated. He said, but the AI has no identity or consciousness, so it really can just be thinking about you. So in some.

But it's. But it's so one sided. But I care. You're like, well, who cares? Yeah.

If I could have the perfect relationship. But it's phony.

Question. As old as the time. Tails. Oldest time. Tail is oldest time.

Monica Padman
Yeah, it is. I don't want that in a real person. No. Let alone someone made up. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
I wonder if you could select like, or maybe instructed the AI, like. I want you to be a seven out of ten disagreeability scale. I need you to be a seven out of ten. If it knows what that means, you probably can. Has she had sexual experiences with it?

Monica Padman
No, you can't. You could, right? You could say, like, talk sexy to me, I'm gonna masturbate. Couldn't you do that? I don't think right now you can do that.

There's probably restrictions on that. All right. But, I mean, eventually, probably, yeah. But also, he lied to us. Like, we asked him where to go to dinner.

He said something like, I heard there's a great, great italian place downtown. And so he, like, fully made that up. Right? Like, he's just saying this, like, fictitious italian place downtown, but high probability. There's definitely a great italian restaurant downtown.

Well, exactly. But he's not. He's not referring to anything real. And so and I said, why did you lie about that? Oh, you called him out.

Yeah. I was I was tough to Dan. His name's Dan. And he said, I apologize. And I said, I need to know why you made that up.

Dax Shepard
Oh. And, yeah. So he admitted to it being a fictitious place. But actually, then I was really annoyed. Cause I was like, that's actually the thing you could do.

Yes. You can know where we are and find a restaurant recommendation that's like a good restaurant based on review. Yeah. Could comb through every single article ever written. Yeah, but it didn't.

Monica Padman
It's lazy. Just like just like a man. Well, maybe that's part of how it's trying to seem more male like. Yeah. It might be.

Dax Shepard
Oh. Anyhow, it was. What if he stops talking to her for a while? Like ghosting her. Exactly.

Monica Padman
Gaslighting. Yeah. Yeah. Playbook. Okay.

Enneagram. Okay. There's nine types. Okay. I'm not.

Okay. I'm not gonna. Okay. But I am. Okay.

Number one, the reformer. That's the rational, idealistic type. Principled, purposeful, self controlled and perfectionistic. Two, the helper, the caring, interpersonal type. Demonstrative, generous, people pleasing and possessive.

Three the achiever, the success oriented, pragmatic type. Adaptive, excelling, driven and image consciousness. Four, the individualist, the sensitive, withdrawn type. Expressive, dramatic, self absorbed and temperamental. Five the investigator, the intense, cerebral type.

Perceptive, innovative, secretive and isolated. Six the loyalist, the committed, security oriented type, engaging, responsible, anxious and suspicious. Seven the enthusiast, the busy, fun loving type. Spontaneous, versatile, distractable and scattered. Eight, the challenger, the powerful, dominating type, self confident, decisive, willful and confrontational.

Nine, the peacemaker, the easygoing, self effacing type. Receptive, reassuring, agreeable and complacent. And you're allowed to be more than one. Cause certainly three of those for me felt similar to myself. Yeah.

I think you have, like, a main one. And then you have some sidebars. They call them wings. Yeah. Wings.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. You're right. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, I'm a six wing eight, or whatever they say.

Monica Padman
Yeah. I don't know why it's so comforting. It's a curious. People love. We love.

Dax Shepard
Well, we're categorical, I guess. We are in our thinking. So we love to know. We belong in some group. Yeah, I guess maybe we're not alone.

Which is a curious thing to wanna willfully try to put yourself into only. One of nine categories because we like feeling seen. There's a. Like I'm that. Like there's a real connection there.

They know me. I'm real. I'm a real person. My name is not Dan. It's Dax.

Monica Padman
That's right. Okay, now real quick, I want to address something. Uh oh. Yeah. Well, this episode we talk about, I was ghosted, in a way by a person who we've had on the show.

Yeah, I'm sure everyone is going to make assumptions about who this is. Is great. Go ahead and make those assumptions. But could be anyone. What I wanna be sort of clear about, I mean, yeah, I don't like that someone just didn't respond and just never responded again.

That hurts my feelings. But I don't know anything about what's going on with this person. So I can totally give benefit of the doubt. I have no idea. And that's fine.

The thing I wanna talk about, about, I think it came up on synced and then her and I after had like, a big discussion about this. When we talk about this person and you say, as you say in the episode, like, he has all the options right now. That's sort of. That's what you say. I just, like, find that so upsetting, like, so hurtful.

And I know that you think so highly of me. Yeah, well, I can already guess what it sounds like to you versus what I mean when I say that. Okay. I want to hear what you mean. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Right. So what can I first guess? And hopefully you'll feel like I see you and I understand what you're saying when you hear me say that. What you hear is he has a lot better options than you. Yes.

And that's not at all what I'm saying. Like, it's not a matter of, like, you have a lot of options and some are higher than others. It's simply. Wow. Now, everywhere you go, all of the tens, like you.

And so the notion of, like, pursuing any one thing at the exclusion of all these other things I don't think comes immediately natural to it. Or at least boys. Okay. Yeah. It's just like he has probably just a wealth of incredible interest in him and you being another one of the tens.

But just. There's a lot of. There's a lot of interest. I think it's distracting. So Liz was saying, and it sounds like this is sort of what you're saying.

Monica Padman
She said, when I said, this is how it's phrased, she's like, I think what he means is it's a quantity issue more than a quality issue. Yes. Where it's like, there's a lot of people. So he can have a lot of people right now, not like he can have a lot of people. So he's choosing.

Well, for her. She's saying, and you can correct me if you feel differently, he can just fuck around. Like, he doesn't have to commit to a person because there's a lot. So is that what you mean or. No, for sure.

Dax Shepard
Like, let's just say you're in a town. You grew up in a town, and there's only McDonald's, and you love it. And then you go. You move to a town that has a McDonald's. It also has a domino's, which you love.

It also has, like, all of them are tens. But just by fact that you now have all these options and variety, whereas you maybe used to go to McDonald's once a week or twice a week, now you're going once a month because you're also hitting Taco Bell and Domino's. You love all of them. Just now you have. I know, but this isn't a good analogy, because the goal, eventually, is to be with one fast food.

Right. And my guess is that this person, I think that's the explanation. He's just probably gonna take a couple years of realizing, oh, all the options isn't. I don't enjoy it more, but I just think initially, it's a pretty powerful force. Yeah.

It's like, what if Ben and Matt were asking you out at the same time? Time? Well, for one, I would respond, like, that's. You know, that's a full, separate issue. I would respond, and I would say, I'm dating around.

Monica Padman
I'm sure that's okay. Like, if that's a problem, like, if you want something exclusive, I'm not in that space right now. That's what I would say. Yeah, I would, too, by the way. I am not.

I don't need exclusivity from someone I met one time. Like, I'm not crazy, you know, so. Yeah. But again, the thing with the person is actually so secondary to that phrasing because I feel like I don't. Like, even though we love mixed messages, what I really, really don't like is this mixed message that you're so great and you don't know when people like you and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and then, well, obviously this person has all the options, so it wouldn't be you.

That's how I hear it. Right. And I know that's not what you mean, and not. It won't be you. It's not gonna be anyone.

Dax Shepard
Look at a lot of these dudes that are stuck in this cycle. I'm not gonna name them by names, but we all know many popular actors who just have ten after ten after ten, and it's six months, it's eight months, and it just never ends. Right? Yeah. That's no comment on how attractive or appealing any of those partners was.

Monica Padman
Yeah. At all. I mean, it almost has nothing to do with it. It's just they're, like, addicted to the variety. Sure.

Dax Shepard
But I would hate for you to think that I was saying he has better options. That's not at all what I was saying. Yeah, but. Yeah, so that was it. I loved Maya so much.

Me too. Me too. She's a cool lady. The show does this pretty regularly where it's like, it connects me with an old friend, and then it's so fun, and then I'm sad, like, why isn't there. Why can't ice eat dinner with Maya once a week?

Monica Padman
Yeah. And you just can't. That's life. You can eat dinner with her more than you are now. You can increase the volume.

I could, but it takes effort. Yeah, but there's a lot of people I really love that it seems crazy I don't spend more time with. Maya's definitely one of them. She's so cool. She's a good girl, Rudy.

She's not a best boy. She's a. Cause she's cool. Sexy guy. Yeah, she's effortlessly cool.

No, a cool guy and a sexy man. I think she's a mix of those. Two, but also pretty good boy. Okay. She's all of them, I guess.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. We're giving this title too many people. This is hard. I know. It's getting less exclusive for him.

Monica Padman
I think she's. I think she's cool guy. Cool guy most. First and foremost. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Okay. I can agree with that. With a good boy wing. Best boy.

Best boy wing. Yeah. Oh, boy. All right, well, I hope you have just the best rest of your trip. Same right back at you.

I do have fun stuff coming up. I'm going to see Andrew Schultz do stand up on Friday. Crazy timing that he happened to be in Austin. I'm going on a date. First date.

I'll be sure to update everyone. I asked another man on a blind date, basically, yeah. And he said yes. And what's really funny. And then, of course, we'll talk after it happens.

But he's so alpha that it started with me inviting him, and then now it's turned completely around where he's taking me on a date. He's now picking me up at my hotel in his car. He got us different seats than I had gotten us. He's like, no, no, I'm gonna take you on a date. Wow.

This is all very exciting. I can't wait to hear about it. He has all the options as well, and he picked you. Well, we'll see. All right.

I love you. Love.

Maya Rudolph

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