Ilana Glazer

Dax Shepard
Welcome, welcome. Welcome to armchair expert. I'm Dax Shepard. I'm joined by Lily Padman a. Lily Padman.

Lily Padman
Lily a. Lily. Alana Glaser is our guest today. Funny gal. Funny gal.

Dax Shepard
She is a comedian, an actor, a writer, a producer, a director, an activist. Broad city. I mean, let's just start there. What a great show. And the after party, which I love.

Rough night? False positive. The planet is burning. She has a new movie out in theaters now called babes Pregnant from a one night stand. What happens next?

I watched it. Very funny. Yeah, it's in theaters now, and it's getting, like, great, great reviews and stuff. Yes. This reminds me, though, just this intro.

Lily Padman
The other day, I was going to bed listening to a podcast, and I normally do sleep timer to end of episode, but I forgot and I fell asleep, and when I woke up, it was us. Oh, boy. What a nightmare. Us. It was.

Dax Shepard
Did you feel like you were late for work? I was so confused. I was so, so confused. Oh, my God. So.

Well, please enjoy Alana Glaser. We are supported by Squarespace. Guys, we have a Squarespace website that. It's just gorgeous. That wabi wab, you built that yourself using all the templates?

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You can get discovered fast with integrated, optimized SEO tools, and you can choose from professionally curated layouts and styling options with Squarespace Blueprint. Plus, you can kickstart or update written content on any website. Product description or email with Squarespace AI, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code Dax. We are supported by Squarespace Guys, we have a squarespace website that. It's just gorgeous that wabi wab, you built that yourself using all the templates?

Yeah, did. Yeah. Easy peasy. So easy. The best part about Squarespace is it's an all in one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

You can get discovered fast with integrated, optimized SEO tools, and you can choose from professionally curated layouts and styling options with Squarespace blueprint. Plus, you can kickstart or update written content on any website. Product description or email with Squarespace AI, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code Dax. He's an object.

He's an object.

Lily Padman
He's an object.

Oh, my God. Excited to be here. Thank you for having me. Hi, how are you? Welcome to addict for years.

That's so sweet. The first run at you is Brooklyn. Bam. Oh, gosh. Four years ago.

Alana Glazer
Oh, my gosh. That's crazy. Yeah. I kind of even remember. Yeah.

I remember so little in my life. 2019. That was scary. Pre pandemic, you know, but I believe that I wasn't ready. You weren't ready.

Lily Padman
It always happens when it's supposed to happen. Agreed. How tall are you? Can I ask? Five one and a half.

I do that. I'm 5ft and a half inch. So you're exactly one inch taller than me. Cute t. When we hugged, I was like, oh, yeah, you're my.

We fit perfectly. Zach, that was an incredible hug. Oh, my God. Thank you so much. How tall are you?

Dax Shepard
Six two and a half. Yeah. And how tall is Kristin? Five'one. Okay, cool.

But for you guys to say five'one and a half and Monica say five and a half, we get it. For me to say six'two and a half doesn't sound a little egregious? I think it's a life bit. That's funny and worth keeping. Ok.

Alana Glazer
And you were born in 1987. Did I catch that correctly? Yes, love. Did I catch that correctly? You sound like you're doing an intake form and you've been married for six years.

Dax Shepard
Did I get that correct? And we are year of the rabbit in the chinese calendar. Do you know that? I didn't really? Yeah.

Lily Padman
How old are you? Maybe that's the same. 57. No, 49. 49.

Dax Shepard
40. 919. 75. Wow, cool. Wow.

So maybe that explains the connection because on the surface, Monte and I are very different, but there's a rhythm, and it might be the rhythm of the rabbit. It honestly is that rabbit energy, which I'm already feeling. Already. Oh, my gosh. We're all the bunny energy.

Alana Glazer
We're like. And then also we're, like, willing to go back. I'm like, hold on. Put a pin. Earmark's a big saying about.

Lily Padman
Exactly. Earmark. Yes. So many earmarks. Earmark.

Dax Shepard
Where do you live currently? I live in Brooklyn, New York. Okay. Because I watched an interview with you and you were in the backyard of an LA residence on Zoom and you were talking about how pleasant it was outside. And then I thought, oh, did you get a place here or did you move here?

Were you here for an extended period of time at all? I was. When I was pregnant, I was filming the after party on Apple tv by Lord Miller. Had them. They're so delicious.

Alana Glazer
They're just such good guys. Good guys meets good quality art. It almost smells. Stinks, right? Not with them.

They're so cute. And also the fact that there's two of them, it's not obnoxious. Cause it's split between two people. Yes, actually. Wow.

Dax Shepard
I guess what I'm saying is just, like, there's so much charisma there between the two of them. They're cute and they're that talented. Yeah, they're really cute. Yeah, they're. Sorry.

Alana Glazer
Also curly and straight. We got, like, variety. You know what I mean? It's, like, cute. Yeah.

Lily Padman
Wait, are you good friends with Darcy? Very good. Very old friends with Darcy. You're so Darcy vibes. Oh, yes.

Alana Glazer
She is kinetic, magnetic, never forget. It really is kinda trying to make that work. But it didn't. I did. I liked it.

Dax Shepard
No, it worked. Did you guys meet at UCB? Yes. 18 years ago. Whoa.

2006. Exactly. Year of the rabbit. Another year of the rabbit. No.

Would we come ahead? I don't know, but we will look at Rob. Will you look up and see if 2006 is the year of the rabbit? That is when I enter comedy in New York. I really want that also be the year of the rabbit.

Lily Padman
Just tell us it is, even if it's not. Yes. Rabbit. Not dog. Not dog.

Alana Glazer
Oh, dog's great. I'm also a dog for sure. What animals do you guys identify as? Oh, I love this question. I'm always asking Dax this question.

Lily Padman
He always says the wrong answer about me. Lol. Yeah, it's rough. What do you say? Chinchilla.

Alana Glazer
What? Hold on. You are not representing me fairly at all. Okay, tell your side of the story. Well, I have said a fox.

Dax Shepard
You're clever. Oh, that's nice. That's hot. Foxes are hot. Yeah, foxes are hot.

Lily Padman
I think maybe made you say something. I was like, can you say one that's positive? That's not insulting. But somehow that debate landed on me saying that perhaps Monica was a sex chingilla. Sex chinchilla.

Dax Shepard
It had to be sex. Is there any way you can say sex and then an animal? But you mean a chinchilla for sex? No, no, no. It was like a sex chinchilla.

Small. I know you don't like it. I already know you. I don't love it. I don't love it.

Okay, tell me about. You described Long island as having white Long island, jewish Long island, and then Italian Long island. And you were smack dab and italian Long island. Yes. And I want to know what that.

Alana Glazer
Vibe was so Long island starts with Brooklyn. Consider New York City. Queens. Consider New York City then. Really?

Long island is two counties, Nassau and Suffolk. Long island is the experimental ground for the suburbs. The first suburbs were literally invented on Long island. Really? Levittown, it's called.

And it was like army barracks. Jerry Seinfeld grew up there. Interesting. Look at what whiteness means. The city was segregated, but then you're all like, mashed up and shit.

And the suburbs, you could really separate people by redlining was really first done on Long island. And Robert Moses, you know how. Oh, yeah, yeah. He got the L. E.

Dax Shepard
I. Out there lie and he designed all this shit. He started in the cities, he invented projects, and it was like, thanks, but what? And then he invented suburbs. Seriously?

Alana Glazer
And so, on Long island, two counties, Nassau and Suffolk. Nassau today is very diverse, but still very segregated. Suffolk remains primarily white. Is that one the distal end of it, furthest from New York City? That's where the Hamptons are.

On the forks, which. The Hamptons are totally separate from Long island. It's almost only for real housewives to be filmed. It's a theme park. Yes, okay.

Lily Padman
Exactly. My introduction was Fitzgerald west egg, and. That'S Nassau before real families moved out there, when wealthy people from the city would move further and further east for their beach towns. So my town, actually, St. James was a beach town during the twenties.

Alana Glazer
Stanford White is a famous architect in New York who. His beach house was in my town, and then I did musical theater with his great grandson. How close to the water were you? 15 minutes drive. And were you there frequently?

Dax Shepard
Is it a big part of childhood? Huge. So beautiful. I love Long island so much. It is so gorgeous.

Alana Glazer
And I remember bringing two of my best friends, Inti and Matt, from college to Long island. We took the LIRR out and they could not believe it. Such a special northeast, like, rocky beaches. And we would go to the beach all the time. I have the same thing.

Dax Shepard
And I had the pride of taking Monica to Lake Michigan. And I think people are like, hold on a second. This is an ocean and I can drink it. It's fresh water. Crazy.

Lily Padman
Yeah, it's pretty crazy. And I have a lot of pride in that place. I don't think I've ever been there, and I really want to because, you know, Kristen did one of my political messaging videos and talked about her love of her, also home state, Michigan. And damn, did she sell it. I was like, shit, I want to go to Michigan.

Bitch, you got to go in the summer. Let's be fair. She could have probably put a really good spin on name shitty place. I'm too nervous to mention one now, but we all know what a shitty. Place is for sure.

Dax Shepard
And I bet she could. That girl, so cute and likeable. I also wanted to really quick say, so Jews are in Nassau. I was with Italians in Suffolk. Italians and white people.

Alana Glazer
3rd, 4th, 5th generation, like, white european, like, potato farmers ancestors. And truly mafia. Ooh, that's what I've heard you say. Being in someone's house and being like, I think this is a mafia house. Okay.

And also being like, I had planned. And you would pull the cord, you would bow. I think I would shiver in my sleeping bag and be very uncomfortable. That was my vibe. I would have gone the other way.

Dax Shepard
I would have been like, I feel so safe here. The dad is a murderer. If shit goes down, he is well armed and we're gold. What year was it? Is sopranos on at this moment?

Yeah. Cause that's gotta be infecting your imagination a bit. We didn't have HBO, so I hadn't seen the Sopranos until the pandemic. But it definitely was bolstering a vibe. Yes, it was in the zeitgeist.

Lily Padman
You're gonna be so mad at me, but I do have to stop and ask a very important question. Since you grew up at the beach. Answer this too, if you'd like. But it's a question that came up on sinks, a show that we also have under our umbrella with Liz plank. And Liz thinks that everyone knows this piece of information, that when you get in water and you're on your period, your period stops.

Did you know that? Yes. What? You didn't know that? No.

Alana Glazer
I'm so sorry. We are systematically kept from knowing our own bodies. So it's, like, not on you. It's not my fault. Okay.

Lily Padman
Thank you. I like that spin on it. But also, I was sure that not very many people knew that. Did you know that? No, didn't know that.

Dax Shepard
It makes sense, though. It does make sense. You don't attract predators. Gravity, literally. You don't want blood leaking out of you when you are in the ocean.

It's not advisable. Yeah, I mean, that's what they say. The shark can smell blood. Well, that's why, like, be careful if you're on your period. Don't go near sharks and bears.

Lily Padman
And bears. But that's not in water. The bears thing, I'm like, for real? No, it's for real. And I'll tell you how I know.

Dax Shepard
First movie I did was with Bart the bear. He wasn't the star, but he was in it, and they flew him down. Do you know Bartha bear? Very famous. He's a big actor.

Truly, he's much better. We're talking an animal. A bear. Yeah, Bart the bear. Brad Pitt did a doc on Bart the bear.

Great career and resume. He was in the edge with Sir Anthony Hopkins. Many, many movies. Wait, a literal actor bear? A 1200 pound grizzly bear who performs in film and television several times.

A ton of times. This is a bear who's an actor. A career would blow away most any actor you would talk to. Bitch. And his trainer, Doug.

Alana Glazer
I am dying, Bart the bear. Cause I love cocoa and we don't talk about Coco enough. The gorilla. Yes. Okay, go on.

I'm just taking it in. Okay, so Doug has these insane eyes. He can do with this bear that a human cannot do with a bear. Right. This is a side note.

Dax Shepard
So he comes down with Bart. Other side note. Bart left Utah where he lives. He flew to San Francisco, then he flew to China. Then he flew down to New Zealand.

New Zealand had never had a grizzly bear. They carry him in an enormous horse trailer. He's got a night shoot. We all hate night shoots. And bears are not nocturnal.

Alana Glazer
Oh, this is, like, sickening. Appropriately or am I sensitive? I think you're sensitive. It's fine. Yeah, okay.

Dax Shepard
But he's the happiest bear. Sometimes acting isn't all you think it is. Like, sometimes it's traveling in cages much. Worse than what you think it is. Which is why I'm sickened.

You'll also be happy to know that Bart regularly mauls the people that he works with. So if that helps. You feel like the scales are balanced. Oh, no. Doug has two other trainers with him, and they have scars everywhere on their face.

Alana Glazer
You have to play parts trainer. You and Ike, like, come on. That'd be great. Showing up, bleeding. This is ill.

Dax Shepard
Oh, I'm gonna wow you right now. The proof is in the pudding. Cause Doug has no scars. The other two folks have scars galore. Little baths to stop.

Bart, stop. But this is the speech Doug gave to us. He said, here are the rules when working around Bart. They must be followed. Number one, no one can be here on their period.

So that's real. He will smell the blood, and he'll get very distracted by that. You can't even have a tampon in. He didn't specify about tampons. Presumably maxi pads are a pass.

Cause there's a lot of air exposure. I'm teasing. I don't know. The pheromones would get exposed for sure. Yeah, I don't think even with a tampon, you were safe.

Alana Glazer
How does you were present for this? Scary. Oh, I'm gonna hit you with a knockout punch. Second rule. Do not look Bart in the eyes.

Well, duh. Third, I'm chilled. Do not be scared around Bart. And if you are scared. Okay, sure.

Dax Shepard
Fear makes Bart nervous. Yeah, me too. Last rule. Bears make me nervous. Dax, don't ever run away from Bart.

Cause it'll trigger his predator instinct to chase my very first scene. Well, any of our first scenes with Bart, I'm standing. My back is to the bear. Seth and Matt can see the bear. I'm telling a story.

They're signaling me. Turn around. There's a bear behind you. I have to turn around. In real life, look Bart directly in the eyes, scream at the top of my lungs.

Scared. And then run away. And what is between us, Alana, is a little electric cord that's six inches off the ground. They say, don't worry, Bart will never cross this line. He knows not to cross.

Alana Glazer
Cause he'll be shocked. Cause he'll be sacrificed. Yes. But I was all. But on my period, I was three of the four things you can't do is the first thing we shot.

Dax Shepard
And as I ran away, I was waiting to just get fucking tackled by the bear. I don't like the intimacy between Doug and Bart. Oh, you think it's inappropriate? It makes me uncomfortable. They love each other for sure.

Alana Glazer
I'm also like, does Bart have a checking account? It's Doug's, right? Yes. I think Doug manages his money for him, but in his defense, Bart is terrible at math. He would make a mess of his finances.

Ooh. Ooh. Wow. Inappropriate. But I think it's a little worrisome for Doug, because it's like, what's the tiger guy?

Dax Shepard
He's so not like that guy, though. But what's that guy's name? I forgot. The tiger. Tiger guy who got killed by his tiger.

No, he didn't get killed by. Okay, he got. You're thinking of. You're thinking of sick for eating roll. That's what I'm talking about.

Oh, we thought you were talking about the Tiger King. No, no, no. Joe. Joe. No, I'm not.

Alana Glazer
Jokes on. He got killed by a person, I think. Yeah, not Joe. We've lost him. Are you joking?

Dax Shepard
I'm not. Oh, I think famously, the woman in the dock. I thought he went to jail. He's alive. He's alive.

Okay. Okay. Wow. Well, we gotta really take what you say with a grain of salt. We're learning real time.

I don't know if Long island has two counties now, to be honest. He's alive. He's kind of alive. Okay, sorry. He's a version of Tiger King, and.

Lily Padman
Sorry to the woman. Mainly to all women, I was like, some woman killed him. How quick you are. Okay, I want to know about a little Alana in elementary school in the italian working class. You didn't answer if your parents were in insurance and finance.

Dax Shepard
If I got that right or wrong. So my dad sells life insurance and my mom doesn't work. She did telemarketing at night when I was a kid. What was she slinging? I don't know.

Have you ever done some telemarketing? I mean, I've done sales. Okay, where? At a company that we based my character's job on in Broad City. It was called lifebooker, and it was a weird pyramid scheme for spas.

Oh. Are you not selling these appointments? These are slow hours. Offer them on our website for cheaper. We'll take a cut and you'll fill that time instead of stand around.

Alana Glazer
Why not stand around? Because that was the closer. It said it on the sheet. It was in triple bold. Also, it's like a little misogynist coated instead of standing around all day.

Tootsie. Fill that appointment. Were you a closer? I'm being serious. You must have been your personable.

Yeah, it was pretty charming. Did you move product? A little. If it wasn't a good deal, I was like, ugh, I don't blame you. It's hard for me to lie.

I actually did that job with Abby Jacobson and Lucia yellow, and Lucia got me the job. I got out of the job. No way. And I was actually selling whatever shitty appointments in LA. And it was harder for me to grasp the vibe here, but probably less guilt for sure.

Dax Shepard
You're like these fucking La people, so. Far away that it was more distant. You dehumanized them. All right, so I don't know where then finance came from, but the elementary school vibe. Did you go to a public school?

Alana Glazer
Yeah. What kid were you? You were likable, I'd imagine. I was always pretty. This.

I was funny. Desperate to be funny and really hoping to be liked. Very anxious and thus productive. Meaning you were a good student and. More socially aware, building relationships.

Yeah, actually, my first grade teacher came to one of my shows on my tour in Seattle, and she was telling me how I used to in first grade, organize the kids and get everybody prepared for what was coming. And it's so funny. My daughter does the same thing at preschool. What? Bizarrely, she's a little boss.

Yeah. And tells also the teachers what's going on. So and so is crying. Just letting helps people get their shoes on. That's how I was too.

For me, I can't speak for her, but a little bit of trying to offer extra in case I'm not enough. Sure, sure. So you can't be left behind. You need to be needed. Uh huh.

Dax Shepard
Ooh, can I introduce Elliot's? How much older? Four years older. My brother's five years older. So I have huge little brother syndrome.

I wanted to be cool. I wanted to be worthy of hanging out with. And then I think that just invaded every aspect of my life. Were you at all doing any of that? You adored him, right?

Lily Padman
Yeah. Obsessed. Played so much as kids and made a lot of comedy videos as kids. And then when he was starting to go through puberty, I was so sad about the distance. I was like, bye.

Alana Glazer
Oh, fuck. Really wanted to hang and hang with him and his friends and was also like, ooh, your friends. Tell me more about your friends. Yeah. But I also feel that I would act like the older sister too.

There was a comfort in being the second the system had already been set up. And so sometimes our roles would switch too. Well, you were probably the same maturity. Exactly. I think also in trying to prove something, I was like, I'm so mature and I'm such a good kid.

I don't cause any trouble. My brother had much more freedom stirring shit when we were kids, which is like a natural thing. And I did not. Then I think later about my twenties, not even naughty. I wish it was naughty.

Like dumb shit. Drinking too much now looking back, I'm like, what? It wasn't that much. No, no, it was dangerous, bitch. You know what I mean?

Lily Padman
It's a lot. Yeah. Like New York City and you don't remember what happened, hooking up with people in a, like, you didn't have to do that, you know? So I wish I had stirred more shit as a kid, but I guess I didn't feel comfortable. And also I went through puberty, so young and girls do first, so we also were starting to go through puberty at the same time.

Alana Glazer
It was like, so awkward. I just finished my tour and taped it. One of my bits is like, I got titties at nine. Oh, really? Wow.

And I was like, what the heck? 13 years old. And I was like, what do I do with these? Especially with. With the shit I just described.

How do I act with these? They're almost inherently naughty. And speaking of the culture on Long island, it was a very aggressive culture. You mean like machismo? Yes.

And I got scary energy too early. Whew. I was scared. They drew attention to you in a way that you weren't understanding or comfortable with. Yes.

My parents also, being Jewish, the listener. Should know your titties are actively out. Right now as you tell the story. I was just like, is there only one? You've really gone the other way.

Dax Shepard
You've really come to embrace yourself. I meant more for the lower half to be. I was like, okay, but I have gone the other way. That would have been the best video segment. I do wish we had video just for that moment.

Alana Glazer
Yeah, I'm loving it all now. But at the time. Oh. But there weren't many jews. We were a minority in my town, and culturally, we were, too.

Dax Shepard
I was curious. Were the other kids aware of that? Was there something visually? Were they able to identify you as other? I mean, I was a white person, and there were people of color in my town.

Alana Glazer
Yeah, you have dark hair, minorities. But it was my fro, for sure. My gfro that I was like, oh, what do I do? And I was like, lol. I went afro and double d boobs in third grade.

I know. I don't know. I don't even have a reference for some seventies character. My hair's curly, truly. So just that.

But really more what it was is culturally, everybody else was so gendered, the edges were soft in my family. My brother's gay, and he was gay. And jews are also visibly queer. The women are masculine, the men are feminine, and my parents are chill and they are who they are. So I just didn't know what to do with it.

But, yeah, we were definitely going through puberty at the same time. Did boys like you middle school? Yes, but it was scary. And also, I was only scared of my body. I wasn't like, this is cool.

This feels good. I was like, this is so scary. But it seemed like it was working for my male peers, my body. But you didn't like the attention. I was confused, and I wasn't, like, hooking up.

Dax Shepard
Is Long island like it was in Michigan. Like, kids were doing insane shit in junior high. It started pretty early. Yes, but I wasn't. I just said this to my husband the other day.

Alana Glazer
I was like, you know what? I remember it in the commons of the middle school. This boy Dan, I didn't like him, but he comes up to me, I'm in 6th grade, and he's like, I just jerked off to you the other night. Whoa. And I was like, okay, Dan, that was a lot.

Dax Shepard
Whoa. I don't know. He didn't know what the fuck to do. I don't know what he thought. And yes, it's violent, but also, it was y two k, baby.

Sure, sure. Nobody knew the world was ending. I'm actually not shocked he said that to you, as much as I'm shocked he would admit that in junior high. I don't think dudes where I grew up admitted they even masturbated till much later. Well, that's what I'm talking about with the cultural stuff where it was like, eh, it was very boy is jerking off.

Maybe it was already in a lot of movies. Cause our age gap. Maybe they were seeing people own that. It is comforting, though, as much as. I'm sorry, that was.

It does remind me you can't win. So, like, you had boobs, you didn't want them. There's some other girls, like, she would have cut off her fucking pinky toe to have those boobs. So now I've done so much therapy that I'm like, what an interesting path I've had. I don't have a feeling about it, but I used to be really fucking mad, and I used to really mourn the loss of not hooking up.

Alana Glazer
I didn't really do it choicefully and enjoy it until senior year with a really nice boyfriend I was lucky enough to have. I think that would be winning if I was taking pleasure in it. Honestly, I didn't masturbate till later either. It's like, girl, go get them titties. I was rolling around all the time.

Dax Shepard
I loved it. What a time to be alive, and. It'S just a time to get to know yourself. That, to me, is winning either way, if you're an ugly duckling. But you're like, you know what?

Alana Glazer
I am sexy. I was so scared all around. And I think no matter what your situation, the way you can win is taking time and space and pleasure in yourself, which I, ooh, did not know how to do. Yeah. The desire to have not been scared makes a ton of sense.

Yeah. But what had changed your whole life? That's why I'm like, wouldn't change a thing bad. And I'm finding it now. The pleasure in general, in all different things, change the thing.

Lily Padman
Yeah. Okay, then when we get to high school, what strata are we in. And what are the cliques? Are they generically the ones I think they are? They're jocks and then t mope kids.

Alana Glazer
I guess there's jocks. Can a person say guido? Can a non italian person say that? That's up to you to decide. I'll tell you this, I say guido all the time.

Dax Shepard
There are other white people. You're allowed to let a rip on other white people. I call my wife a pollock. I mean, if I can't fuck with the white people, I'm cap out the krauts, the fucking guitar. But like picture jocks, but guidos and cheerleaders, buguidos kind of Jersey shore vibe a little bit.

Alana Glazer
Totally. And you know, honestly, the people on Jersey, Jersey shore were from fucking Long island. No, they weren't. Yes, Jersey is part of the mainland. Long island is a penis that hangs off of all of the United States.

That gets crazier and crazier the deeper you go. Cause they're not connected to anybody. And it's enormous. 3 hours to get from one end to the other. And there's definitely emo, like Giz stained jeggings that boys are wearing.

Dax Shepard
Certainly being called the emo group. Giz stained. I think you can go with Guido for the fucking Trans am driving gold tame wearing. There's like musical theater kids for sure. Us queer musical theater kids, queer art kids.

Alana Glazer
Were you. No, I was a skateboarder, punk rocker, snowboarder. Woo beesh. I love it. But I read as a jock, right?

Dax Shepard
Do I trigger you as a jock at all? Isn't that jockey? No, no, that was super antisocial to be into punk rock. Snowboarding and skateboarding and bmx. Those were all alternative pursuits.

Alana Glazer
It's very athletic. It's football, it's baseball, it's basketball. You're only a jock if you get hazed. So yeah, there's typical groups like that. And where were you in that?

Dax Shepard
You were in the queer theater group? Yes, but I also had a sort of main, generally appealing, somewhat good kids group. Ew. I actually just remembered I was in this group called the positive Edge. Dare had sunk into our brains.

Lily Padman
Whoa. And we were in an anti drug group that then everybody ended up drinking and stuff on the trips. And it was vaguely christian. It was so off. Also like, no overnight trips with teachers.

Alana Glazer
Let's not do that. Let's not send teens with grownups anywhere remotely ever. Well, that's a good question. We were a very kind of agnostic family. I think we went to church when we were with our grandparents and I would occasionally develop a friendship with a boy and then be like, hey, you wanna come on my church's trip to the theme park?

Dax Shepard
I'm like, I damn well wanna go to that theme park, but I don't know about going to church. So. Was that happening to you as a jewish girl? I was honestly too creeped out by it at all. Yeah, I was not like, trying to be a christian person at all.

Me either. But I was trying to go to Cedar point. I would do that at camp with Jews and hebrew school. I really loved. Cause it was just sort of like a jewy, ball busting nature, if you will.

Lily Padman
So you were really embracing it. Yeah. And I was also always anointed the token Jews to present the jewish holidays or whatever and talk about, literally, the Holocaust. You were the masthead of the jewish contingent in school. And also I have had a core group of best friends who are still my best friends to this day.

Alana Glazer
And we get dinners in Brooklyn every month. But we were really happiest before the high school group formed in 8th grade, embracing the nerdiness before we had to try to be fucking cool again. In high school, we were so happy finding our nerdiness from 6th to 8th grade. 8th grade, we were hitting a fucking stride. It's very rare for people to feel like you and I do, which is if I could live a single year of my life over and over going to be 7th grade.

Dax Shepard
I think most people don't like junior high. 8Th grade was good and sweet. It's almost like when you see kids, their baby selves, they're so unconscious of how themselves they are, and then they are these little kids, and then it's like a self awareness. So these cliffs of self awareness, it's. This sweet spot between you have a bit of identity and then yet not too much.

Also, you have enough freedom to get in trouble. The boys I hung out with, it was like we were doing mischievous stuff. We were vandalizing things and throwing apples at cars. And then high school, it gets criminal. It's like theft.

Now everything is just ratchets up. Yeah. I also was the president of my class, 11th and 12th grade, which really feels related to comedy to me. You know, it's like I was in the AP classes, but like a C student. Not genuinely smart enough to be there, but socially supposed to be there.

Alana Glazer
And the president thing, I remember tasting baked ziti for the prom. Those were my responsibility. That was just like my responsibility to choose the menu. But it was the production, it was social, it was about talking to different people, hoping they like me, which is what fucking comedy is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dax Shepard
Did you ever get to go and eat that Sunday dinner at an italian friend's home? Oh, yes. Constantly. Are you envious of that? Specifically, the baricis.

Alana Glazer
Oh, my God. Dominic Barici. Her dad would make these fresh pizzas, literally, the mustache, everything, and say, hey, how are you, sweetheart? Bringing me in, kissing my face. And I'm just like, oh, my God.

Yes. So, so good, so fun. They got that one figured out, the Italians. And that Sunday dinner, that family dinner. And they eat for 17 hours that day.

Oh, my God. Yeah. So extended, and it's beautiful. Jenna Barisi, actually, the way she lives now on Long island with her family and everybody's helping out and her brother and sister. I'm just like, damn, that looks good.

That's correct. It's tribal. We were just in India and there's a weird parallel between the Indians and the Italians. We figured out, I think America is very unique in its individualism. Psychotic.

Honestly, it's a lot. I don't know, though. When I go to England, I'm like, it's certainly not the italian explanation. Right? That's true.

Lily Padman
It ranges. England. Have you heard of it?

Ever heard of it? Just hearing that for the first time. Did you say England, Englewood or England?

Dax Shepard
What did that England mean? You just wanted to see what it sounded like. I didn't understand what you're coming out of your mouth. England. Oh, that is nice.

England. It's a lot of consonants in a row, but you can make it worth England. I'm trying to understand what the cultural cadence was that you were trying to. Identify in not a big, passionate, boisterous, Sunday, family filled hell no. No.

Alana Glazer
It's never been, but hell no. You know, without going, it's not bad. Never heard of it, but it's not. And I love it. I love it.

Dax Shepard
I love England. You're not a check.

Alana Glazer
My grandma Harriet used to get these giggle fits and we would all just, like, silently let them pass. There's a badge. Would she ever pee her pants? Possible. Okay.

Dax Shepard
Because my mom was big in peeing her pants. Oh, my God. That's so sweet. You really knew you got her when she had to leave and go change herself. So cute.

Alana Glazer
I love that. Can I tell you the funniest example of it of all time? What's her name? Laura Louise Lebeau. Love of my life.

Dax Shepard
She took me to a colonoscopy once here in LA. And so I go through the procedure, and it's in one of these rooms, but there's like twelve beds and the little sheets go around each bed. You don't really have privacy. And so I'm in one of the beds, corned off with a sheet. And then my mom's 12ft away and she's sitting on the bed I started on with sheet around her.

Alana Glazer
Wait, I'm sorry, she has a sheet around her? You know, she's sitting on one of those beds that you could close the sheet around, just give you privacy because. It was your colonoscopy. Yes. But we started on a bed where I changed into the outfit and got taken in there and then I got taken away and then brought back and they let my mom just hang in a wait on a different bed.

Copy. I don't even know she's in there. I come out of anesthesia and the nurse says to me, you may feel the urge to fart. Did they really say fart or did they say pass? Oh, that's a good question.

Dax Shepard
I don't know that I know. Cause I cannot imagine. Although they deal in farts, man. It might be completely over it. Yeah.

Lily Padman
Where are I? Totally. I say, oh, no, I actually don't. And she goes, okay, I'm gonna roll you on your side. And I go, oh, okay.

Dax Shepard
And she rolls me on my side. And Alena farted for no joke. Maybe 30 seconds straight where I couldn't believe it. And about 15 seconds into this fart, I hear ol Laura rev up the laughing game. Giggles.

And now she's laughing so hard that I start laughing. Fart's still going. So now the fart is. Yes. It's fluctuating.

Alana Glazer
Even. Like your grown son. For that to be your son. That is so cute. Like, honestly, little tushy.

She used to wipe. Gallons of air out. She peed herself on that bed. I guess so. Funny punchline of that.

Lily Padman
Did you ever see the pee? No, she just told me, okay? I didn't know she was walking around with a big pee. I wouldn't have even looked in that direction. Yeah, you would have been.

Dax Shepard
I don't know, maybe it was visible. I would never know. If you ask me what size my sister's boobs are, no clue. She could have monsters or none. No idea.

Lily Padman
I know, I get that. Don't tell me. I'm sure you're not. I don't get that actually. Cause I look at boobs.

Dax Shepard
How would you feel about knowing about your brother's penis size? Is that triggering? Like, fine. Okay, that's healthy, I bet. But it's like white noise, right?

Lily Padman
If I knew my brother's penis size, I wouldn't register it as a real thing. And also, it's cute in that same way. I'm like, whatever. We were in the bath, it's not a dick. It's not sexual at all.

Alana Glazer
It's like a part of my brother. Do you think any of this is at all predicted by the fact that you know he's gay and you know your brother's straight? Ooh, possibly. Does that change the weird feeling about knowing about your brother's dick? I don't think.

Dax Shepard
Cause you don't love the idea of being true, do you? I don't love the idea. I don't love it either. I don't love it. I don't like it.

Alana Glazer
But I love my brother and all parts of him. And he has a penis. Yeah. I feel that it becomes not sexual immediately. Just like your sister.

Lily Padman
Your sister's straight. Well, that's interesting, actually. More the unique to not know. Yeah. Stay tuned for more armchair expert, if you dare.

Dax Shepard
We are supported by betterhelp. It feels like a lot has happened this year. It's barely even summer. We went to India for by George. We sure did.

Lily Padman
Lots to process already. Yeah. But even with so much going on, it's important to slow down, take a minute to reflect on yourself, and make a joke adjustments. And if you need a little help with that, I can't recommend therapy enough. We are both in therapy.

Dax Shepard
We proselytize all the time, talk about it every day. Couldn't function without it. If you want to give therapy a try, check out betterhelp. It's entirely online and designed to be convenient and flexible. All you have to do to get started is fill out a brief questionnaire.

Plus, you can switch therapists whenever for no additional charge. So take a moment for yourself. Visit betterhelp.com dax today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp. H dash e dash p.com dax.

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Lily Padman
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Dax Shepard
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Okay. 2005. You go to NYU. Yeah. We have this in common.

I went as a job as well. I went to college so that I could pursue comedy out here and my mom would pay my rent. Yep. And so when you went to NYU, you knew you were going to be pursuing. Did that liberate you in the same way it did for me?

Which is like, I studied anthropology. I know there's no jobs in anthropology. I just was interested in it, so I had a freedom to just study whatever the fuck interests me. Is that how you approached it? Yes.

Alana Glazer
I mean, there's a freedom in knowing my purpose, but I definitely was also imprisoned in. I gotta be doing this every night. I was doing stand up sketch, improv every night. I remember study abroad, and I was like, nope, I gotta do comedy. I will fall behind.

You know, I really was a c student, but a good keyed. Like, I got into this general stuff program. I wasn't in Tisch. I couldn't even get into the easiest school to get in. Cause I went to public school.

Truly, so many NYU kids go to a private school, and it's such a violent experience. So many kids go there and learn true wealth for the first time. It's so crazy. And I was on so much financial aid, and I was like, what the fuck am I gonna do? Is the average student there loaded?

I mean, it's hard to tell. I think so, because now it's $80,000 a year. My brother went and he was on financial aid. Two, but 30,000. By the time I went, four years later, it was $45,000.

I was on it, too, and accruing student debt. But I was like, I'm gonna do this. I catered and waitressed and babysat and all that shit and did all my comedy stuff. What was the order of comedy? What was first stand up sketch or improv?

I kind of did it all. I was just getting up every single night. It's truly the class president thing. I thought of it more as creatively networking, not networking. Like, I'm gonna get something from someone and extract some aspect, but more.

I just knew this was special and a special time and special people. And the people I had been waiting to be around was Poehler one of those people? Oh, my God. She was on SNL, and then she was on parks. But she was one of the four founders of the Upright Citizens Brigade school that I was a student at.

That was how I got into improv. I would see her do Ascat, and there was this Del close marathon. Like, to go see her during that. Yeah, that was really cool. But who was around?

I'm thinking of the people who are just a couple years ahead of me, like Aubrey Plaza and Donald Glover and Adam Pallion. Van Schwartz. You're my age. I also did UCB. I did it here, though, and it's that Gen.

Lily Padman
Did you have Eugene Cordair? I guess in New York. Eugene was one of my teachers. Bobby Moynihan was one of my coaches. Anthony Atominek Pally was one of our coaches.

Alana Glazer
I'm laughing. He was, like, not wanting to coach us. I love him. Who? Pally?

Adam Pally. Oh. I cannot imagine him being responsible for anything. Yeah. Just giving, like, reluctant improv notes.

Giving improv notes is just hard. I couldn't do that. I wasn't good at improv either. I had trouble letting go into it and finding what came. Came up.

I liked sketch and stand up better. More control. Yeah. So Abby and I were in a group. You would audition to be a part of the UCB establishment, and we just couldn't get in and couldn't get in.

And finally we were like, let's do something ourselves. And when we started making broad city, it was like, oh, my fucking God. This is the thing we're supposed to be doing because it's that same class president thing. Organizing, talking to people and creating your own system, creating spreadsheets, creating a production calendar, which we didn't know that this was a production calendar. We didn't know we were making a pr list.

And my brother and I really started in the scene together, and he had his spreadsheet of blogs. Blogs used to be a thing that was really writing and producing and acting and directing. Doing the multi hyphenate thing, I felt like I was hitting in a pocket. That was your lane. Whereas you weren't popping as an improv artist or making the Herald team.

Dax Shepard
This had a combination of skills that you were built to do. Yeah. How does polar come into the mix? Cause now your and I's timeline syncs up a bit. So I do a movie with Arnett in 2006.

I start going to UCB New York. Cause I'm hanging around that whole thing. And so I know that vibe. It was so intoxicated, intoxicating. Can I pause there for a second?

Alana Glazer
About intoxicating. You know, this was pre. We all had razors, and we're post Nokia. We're hard into the razor era. But nobody's extracting presents from life.

People are still present, and you can't capture every fucking moment or secretly record shit. Do you know Tom Power? He's a canadian interviewer. And he's 1987, too. He's who you were in the backyard with?

Yes. His birthday's May. Yours is April. Yes. And I'm wearing my kids headphones.

We discovered this thing of, like, this feels to me, anyway, the last hurrah. The last scene right before prohibition, he got the last. I know there's still scenes in New York and people are doing gritty stuff, and queer scenes are always necessary. Safe queer spaces and for queer people of color and black queer people. But it feels like the last, maybe broader scene comedy.

It was just like this rock and roll period of crazy shit happening and also crazy shit happening, bad and good. I'm not even saying it's better. I'm so glad that some stuff that was happening isn't, but it was intoxicating. The thing that should be missed and mourned is that you could take a big swing on a Friday night. You could learn real time that was over the line, and then you could come back the next night, and then you could adjust and improve and do whatever.

Dax Shepard
There's a geological record of everything that's done now. So I would imagine you're experimenting in a much more confined box than you used to. But there was also no canceling and there was no checking. Cancel culture, I think, is kind of just fake, too. You think it's a moral panic.

Alana Glazer
I think cancel culture is people whining that they can't be as insulting as they used to be. I don't think it's binary I think that's like left, right? I think currently the options on the table are binary. If you're a far right conservative, it's ruling the planet right now. Cancel culture.

Dax Shepard
And if you're on the very far left, you're like, it's not even a thing. And that's not true. And I think it is definitely in the middle of that. Yes. Because some people get, like, taken down and they have to disappear.

Many people do. And nor is it people are dropping in droves. Yeah. Right. So I just think that's true.

Both sides are exaggerated. I appreciate that. But there was no checking at that time even. Can I argue, though, there's checking in, that even in any given day, there is a cultural appetite for certain things. And people stepped over the line and just simply it would bomb.

You would go too far. And people were like, that's not funny. There were still mores then. There were still cultural norms. You did go over the line and there was no line.

So even if you weren't checking yourself for some self actualized goal, you were trying to get laughs. But you mean more behind the scenes a little bit, right? I think I'm just realizing. It's just that the comedy was different. Like, in the UCB scene, which was primarily white and primarily male, I remember this guy talking about watching bad boys, and he was talking about it ironically.

Alana Glazer
And I remember being like, what's the joke, though? Also coming out of our teen years, which was so fucking violent. Where were our. Our girls ad at that time? Amanda Bynes and Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears.

You know, it's like starting to edge over the comedy at that time. And Jay Leno's like, I mean, Amy Winehouse, that's mainstream. So I think also what I'm talking about, I'm like, people weren't checked? No, the comedy was different at the time. Yeah, absolutely.

Dax Shepard
At the groundlings, what we did was, I don't know if they still do this. So there were pretty strict guidelines at the groundlings, even when I was going through in 1996, which is you couldn't play a different ethnicity that was off the table. You could play other white people. Like, I could be a guido, as we previously discussed. Yeah, I love it.

There were words you couldn't say, but once a year we had a show called taking out the trash, and this is where everyone came and let it fucking rip. And mind you, it's a multicultural, multi gendered group and everyone's represented. And it was vile, hilarious, and it's to blow all that carbon out. And I just wonder, not that that show should exist, but I can't imagine it still exists. But that was just an interesting approach to it.

Alana Glazer
Yeah. Just feels so different, even that. We used to have dirtiest sketch show and just like, people's dicks on stage. So many dicks in that time in comedy. Some that were cool, some that were not.

And pussies. A girl took her tampon out on stage, right? Like at DCM. There was crazy shit that would see. I do miss those spaces for darkness, lalas.

Dax Shepard
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like Halloween. You need a Halloween night in comedy. Well, also, it's just letting a pocket of your brain open for a second. Just because you're human.

You want to be brave enough to trust yourself that you're allowed to wander there and then come back. That's right. So I've never seen you do stand up. I'm embarrassed to admit I'm so excited. About my last hour and just taped it and finished this tour, and I can't wait for you to see it.

What theater were you at? The Elgin and Winter garden theater in Toronto. Oh, okay. And you don't have to be embarrassed. I'm not known for it.

Alana Glazer
And it's taken me a long time to get to this place where I am now, where I am taking so much pleasure in it, that I enjoy sharing it this way. Well, would you agree? We've just interviewed a series of standups, and there's a pretty well held consensus that it's a decade long experience now we're 18 years out from you first trying, and I would imagine you have a skill set now that probably is weirdly invigorating. Also to approach it more like a writer's room in a system and writing some jokes, talking about them, with my husband literally getting his pitches, trying them out, seeing what works, recording it, writing out what doesn't, getting a couple people together, pitching them, workshopping, going out. My husband David and my manager Suzy were like, take more people in, take more care.

Dax Shepard
Approach it like a movie or a show you're creating. I have more experience with a show I'm creating. And then my coordinator, who pitched herself to be my tour manager, Madeleine Kim, we just wrapped 52 shows over the course of eleven months. Always the default culture of anything in our world is so violent and narrow. And it was like, you gotta do weekends if you really wanna be a road dog.

Alana Glazer
I was like, weekends? That's when I unravel with my family that's really gonna fuck me up. And talked about it with my husband. He was like, do Thursdays and Fridays. So instead of doing three months where I'm a monster, I did eleven months where I'm awesome.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Yeah. And it was incredible. And with Madeline, too, editing and talking about it and getting her notes and at first being like, I don't know. And then being like, what?

Alana Glazer
You know what, actually, I really love her taste and everything else. Opening my heart. You're letting go of control, and you lack control. I think I've figured out in this last hour and so. And also control of even who I am.

I'm in a place with my therapy. You just kind of watch who you are as it comes up. You don't even control who you fucking are. Right, right. You know, the thoughts come up.

Dax Shepard
I think when you try to control who you are, it's not successful, really. More. What I observe is, oh, yeah. When you are in a state of flow and you're you, that yields something. This version of you that's curated and crafted isn't that appealing to anyone.

Alana Glazer
But even this individualism thing, I mean, it's all ego. We're plants, we're animals. We're not really meat. I'm mostly patterns that I got from Long island in the nineties. And a ton of genetics.

Ashkenazi Jews are always 100% ashkenazi fucking jews. A ton of dense Ashkenazi genetics. That sweet Ashkenazi strain, it's actually scary. You don't control it. And giving up control of even who I think I am.

And damn. Also the pandemic. I have an hour out on Amazon, and I can't even watch it. I can't really even watch Broad city, which I love so much. But it was, like, so painful.

And it was part of this manic slew of getting so much stuff out after Broad City ended, where it's like, no, I won't stop. I won't stop. I won't stop. Then when the pandemic hit, I didn't do stand up for, like, a year or two. And that forced pause while doing more therapy than I ever had before.

And then the experience of getting pregnant and creating something without ever thinking about it. I've learned to take pleasure in a new, new way. In the past two years, I've had so much fun. I feel truly on my knees, grateful to God for this experience. So I did two shows, and the first night, I was like, I got.

Dax Shepard
The words out because when people do stand up specials, they record a couple of nights or maybe even more, and then they edit together, five second story. I know the lawyer of Richard Pryor, and he had signed this mega contract, and he came the first night in this really loud blue leather suit. And then he showed up the next night in a red leather suit. Richard, you might as well not do this show. We're not gonna be able to.

And I just thought, what an incredible thing to show up. The opposite. And what if they were cutting back and forth? That's so funny. And cute too.

Alana Glazer
That is cute. But the second night, I had so much talking to myself before shows. Cause I was quite nervous this past year, but being like, I aim to take pleasure in this, right. The process, rather than being like, just have fun. Cause then I'm fucking failing at something possibly.

Dax Shepard
Oh, sure, sure. Rather than like aim. We'll see what happens. And then that was how I was the second night, but I took so much pleasure in it, I was like, damn, how wonderful. Now, your husband, who you've mentioned a few times now, David, he's a computational biologist.

Alana Glazer
Yeah. What on earth is that? And how does he have any credentials in judging your comedy? So he got his PhD in. Is it computational biology?

I don't know, but what he knows is molecular modeling of molecules when you look at diseases. So viruses and stuff. He looks at, yeah, proteins, which are viruses. Everything's made of proteins. That's right.

Dax Shepard
Is he employed in this capacity? He has a biotech startup. Okay, David, okay, David, David, David, PhD. Yeah, it's grueling. How did you guys meet?

This is a lovely counterintuitive union. Oh my gosh. We met in Washington Square park. Meet cute. And it was like a horny, hazy New York Friday, the last Friday in June in 2012.

Alana Glazer
Everyone's like just looking up, do it. And I was on the east catwalk. Truly giving cruising energy. No, I was sitting, I was posted up. And it's just a gorgeous day and everything.

Dax Shepard
Do you have like a beautiful coffee or anything? Handbag? Nothing. Crossword puzzle. What was the look?

Lily Padman
No puzzle. Face work, arms up, legs crossed, bike locked. Oh, okay. And just staring at everybody. That's all you have to do when you're a young woman, is stare, but also everybody's so fucking beautiful and like glistening.

Alana Glazer
And I'm looking up north toward the arch ark, I don't know what people call it. And he walks from my left to right, and we immediately were like, immediate. Is there an age gap? Same age. He's seven years older than me.

Yes. Truly perfect.

Lily Padman
Daddy. Hairy daddy. Harry. Jewish daddy. Okay, so he's walking left to right.

Alana Glazer
And we giggle, and we're like, what? And then he walks past me and he turns around, and I'm just staring, like, yeah, bitch. And we, like, take a second, and my, like, heart stops, and he keeps walking. He does it again. He turns around, and I'm like, no verbal, but energy is, yes.

Bitch turns around a third time. Like, company comes in threes, truly, three times. And then he leaves. And I was like, what the fuck? Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. And I'm like, literally, my heart is coming down. And I call my best friend Inti, and I was like, holy shit. I just saw, like, a really hot day. Dude, what the fuck?

And what's up with you? We start chatting, and then eight minutes later, David returns, walking right to left, comes back from the same place he had gone. He was finishing his PhD at NYU at the time and needed to get a charger and was sort of testing fate a little bit, and it was honestly good to just catch my breath. And then we chatted for 45 minutes. He stopped and he said, do you have a charger?

No. He went to go get his charger, and then he reapproaches, and I was like, gotta go, bitch. Bite. Hang up. Stood up and said hello.

Dax Shepard
You stood up and said hello? Yes. Oh, you bastard. He had short hair at the time, but I remember him just, like, tucking phantom hair behind his ear. Oh, God.

Lily Padman
He just did the motion of tucking, but there was nothing to tuck. And he said, hi. And I was like, oh, my God. I had just watched Ewan McGregor's beginners, and David kind of looks like a jewish Ewan McGregor. I was like, did anybody ever tell.

You Ewan McGregor, I don't know what. The fuck else was. Great question. Well, it's honestly like, just be quiet. No, no, no.

But it's flattering. No, no, no. Alana. Yeah. McGregor's gorge.

Alana Glazer
It's true. If someone tells me I look like Ewan McGregor, I'm like, fuck me. You're blind in my score. Yeah, that's a great. Okay, good.

So then we chatted for 45 minutes, and then I was like, I gotta go babysit, dog. I gotta go make keshola. Okay. I'm doing improv sketch and stand up at night, and I'm gonna have student debt, so I gotta go babysit. I don't wanna fall in love.

I want, like, another friend and lover, please. He was like, would you wanna get a teacher drink tonight? And I was like, no. But then I was babysitting. We're texting, and his texting I'm like, this person is smart.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. It makes me horny. Yeah. I was like, yeah, okay, we can meet. And so you guys hung out that night?

Alana Glazer
Hung out, hooked up. What year was that? 2000. 820. Twelve.

Lily Padman
That's a long time full. We know Broad City was 2009 and 2011. I met David after FX had passed on the script. We wrote a script for a year with them developed, and then they were like, nope, girls is on the air later. And we're like, oh, totally.

Alana Glazer
Also, to have that notes process was lit. And then going back to Comedy Central with that experience, it was perfect. I've sold two things. FX had two notes things, and I loved it there. Even though both things didn't get made, there was a spirit there that actually felt like trying to make the best.

Thing and also genuinely figuring out, is this good for us? And it wasn't. I'm saying the girls thing almost facetiously, because we were different and we wouldn't have been good on FX. So you met him after Broad City. He had no idea about the web series, and FX had passed Comedy Central, hadn't picked it up yet.

We knew each other before everything. The web series started in 2009. I met David in 2012. We had done 35 short films, sold a pilot, and then got dropped. Hadn't been picked up yet by Comedy Central.

Dax Shepard
What years was Broad City at Comedy Central? Broad City at Comedy Central. So they, oh, my gosh. I don't want to take you back into a traumatic place. No, it's so beautiful to remember in June 2012 when I met David.

Alana Glazer
And then shortly after, they were like, we want to make the pilot. It took from July till November for it to come together. We shot in November, and then in March 2013, they were like, we're gonna make the series. Which was the craziest fucking thing. Where were we sitting?

I was shooting an episode of my web series, chronic Gamer Girl. I used to get high and play video games. Okay, great. And I was like, guys, hold on 1 second. I gotta take this girl.

And I go and get this news, and I'm like, oh, can't handle this. I gotta go finish chronic gamer girl. You were a content machine to take away anything from this. If you're trying to book become anything, you just do it. You just make shit.

Lily Padman
You become the organizer. You put people's shoes on. Eventually you have OCD. You have a desperate need for approval, a bottomless pit for validation and affection. No validation is high enough, nor will last.

Alana Glazer
So then 2013, they're like, okay, go. And we're like, fuck. So we have from April to December to write and shoot and edit ten episodes. And then season one was January 2014, and then we made five seasons from 2014. Pretty much every winter, beginning of spring through 2019.

So me and Abby's experience with Broad City was from 2009 to 2019, a ten year. A ten year hybrid. How did it feel when that experience ended? I was manic. I made a movie.

I went on tour. I made a stand up special. It was painful, but you grieved it, I assume. I was denying the grieval. I was absolutely running away.

And also, we ended it. We ended it. We knew it had to end. Our contract was for seven seasons, and we were like, no, we can't do this anymore. It ran its course.

Dax Shepard
It's about to devour itself. Yeah. And was the manic episode brought on by fear of, I will never do something again? Absolutely. Who am I?

Alana Glazer
Even. Who am I outside of Broad City? Oh, my God. It was so painful. But I didn't grieve it probably until Covid.

Dax Shepard
How did Abby do with it? We were both in so much pain. Yeah. Also, like, growing pains. We ended it.

Alana Glazer
We knew we had to, but it was so painful. Well, I imagine, too, there's this weird dichotomy of a ton of work. You also want it to be over. So it's like, you want it to be over, and then it's over, and you're like, I do not want it to be over. Broadsie itself was actually so painful in so many ways because we were so hard on ourselves.

We did not have boundaries with our personal lives. We were working all the fucking time. It was so big and no time to process. Did you ever feel like you were missing out on a lot of opportunity by doing it? Yes.

It took us eleven months to make each season. We had this joke where we would count the months, and then all our fingers would be taken up, and we'd be like, it's gonna take the whole year, dude. What the fuck? We did not develop our careers otherwise at that point, because we were writing, acting, directing showrunners, editing and doing press. That's the interesting thing, is I think it can be not unlike a romantic relationship where it's like you resent a thing you love.

I wouldn't change it for a thing. I don't want to have gone and done some dumb shit that was contrived, and I felt uncomfortable there. And I'm probably at the time doing a shitty version of Lana Wexler, too. But we were like, we have to. End this it's so interesting.

Dax Shepard
I imagine you feel like you're missing the train, and then you get off and you're like, oh, shit. We just willingly got off a train that was speeding on the tracks. This is so funny. Or like, you know, the chapter's supposed to be over, but you don't know what the next chapter is. And it's like, what do you do?

Lily Padman
Do you pick the safety? Something I can say confidently was that the need for it to end was from within. It wasn't like, what? I have to go do this. Cool.

Alana Glazer
Nothing. Nobody's offering anything, luckily, so the clarity is a fortune, but it's also hard. It would have been very stressful if one of you was getting, like, an insane amount of opportunity. That would have been rough. We're so lucky that we were getting no offers equally.

Dax Shepard
We were blessed with no offers. What a blessing. That's so funny and true. We were just like, okay, well, what are you up to? Oh, just manically torturing myself with more work than my body can handle.

There's an interesting. From 2021 till now, now we have two movies about pregnancy and a real pregnancy. Interesting, isn't it? Is that only now, in reflection, did that occur to you while it was happening? It occurred to me.

Alana Glazer
False positive was definitely my fear of having children. I wanted a child a long time before I had one, but it was embodying the feeling of it, the fear of the unknown. Also, you just got out of this thing that you could have interpreted as preventing you from opportunity. And then you're about to endeavor on something that you tell yourself, even though it ends up up not being true, is also gonna deny you opportunity. Motherhood, right there is loss.

You have a kid, and you do lose the former life you had. But there's so much gained. Yeah. I wonder if we share this, and I say this ad nauseam on here. My apologies.

Dax Shepard
Is to have a real identity that can't disappear because a network decided you're no longer a writer or an actor or comedian. To have a permanent identity as mother or father for me is the most comforting thing that's ever happened to me. What do you mean? Because my identity was so wrapped up in my professional life. I was a comedian, and then I was an actor, and then I was a writer director, and I was a writer director actor.

But all of those things are vulnerable and they're impermanent. And I think what I was secretly wanting forever is a bedrock of identity. That resonates with me. Did you always want to have kids? Always yeah, me too.

Alana Glazer
I feel so clicked into my identity now in so, so many different sections of it, but they're all feeling integrated. Ugh. I could just take a moment and get the clamped. Yeah, it rules. It's good.

Dax Shepard
And I think Kristen and I both were like, okay, so we're shutting everything down. We're about to have this kid. We'll never make money again. All that's over. And then that was just a completely irrational fear, because everything has gotten infinitely better since we added this inconvenience to our lives.

Lily Padman
Right. You also think that you're gonna lose your identity, but it strengthens so much, and you still have to, like, work to go get that time yourself and be like, what do I like to do when I'm alone? What do I like to do when I'm with my friends and there's loss then from not being with your kid in that moment, but then you come back and, you know, it's just on tour and gone two nights is the max, if I can control it. She grew so much from my absence and being okay with it and learning transitions. It's also a gift for David.

Alana Glazer
Totally. Some of my favorite memories of this experience have been when Kristen was away shooting in Florida and on a cruise ship for a month and a half. I'm like, that's right. It's fucking dad time. Let's see.

Dax Shepard
It's my own show. Here we go. So fun, so sweet, so impossible to compete in opposite sex parenting. It's just like, you came out of me. That was such a gift from this tour too.

Yeah. If the primary source of nurturing is gone and you become primary, you're like, oh, this is nice. I get it. And also, he's mushier. And I would tune into the camera and see how nap is going, and she's literally jumping on him, jumping off of him, as she should, and it's awesome.

Okay, so you did false positive. That kind of really encapsulates your fear around it, but now you do babes, which is what we're here to talk about. And this is now a post child experience. When did you get the idea for it? Before or after?

Alana Glazer
Before. I was just a few months pregnant, and my co writer, Josh Rabinowitz, his wife was pregnant about six months, and our manager, Suzy Fox, and producer. I met with Suzy in January 2021, and she had been obsessing over the gap in the industry for studio comedies. And she was like, I just could see filling this space, and my bottomless pit of need was like, of course. Whatever you see and think for me is what I'll do.

If you love me for that. And you think others might, are they high status? Could they get me ma ma money?

Dax Shepard
Safety? And she just had this shower vision of me and a best friend who has two little kids and I get knocked up. Are your daughters really close? Yeah, 20 months apart. Suzy's are 21 months.

Alana Glazer
Y'all are banana nut. I don't know, man. You pay upfront and then it immediately starts yielding dividends, I'm sure. But let's say seven fucking years later. That's so hard.

Dax Shepard
It is. But I'm telling you, if you look at the grand thing of it being 18 years, you're gonna have 15 better years. Cause they actually can play together. It's not like one's placating the other. I mean, it's fucking badass.

Alana Glazer
I hope I have another one, but it won't. Won't be like that. So Suzy had 21 months apart. I don't know if they were one in three or two in four about the fucking insanity. So she was that friend, really, with two little ones.

And Josh and I are like, this is gonna be so fun, you know, pregnant and excited. So we both really embodied my character and we all started just brainstorming and it was really collaborative and fun. And I was just shocked at the absurdity of the hard comedy of pregnancy, of the experience, myself personally. Also, like, talk about fucking titties. I was just like, Elo.

Dax Shepard
Eloel. They looked like my ass on my chest. Like, cuckoo. Well, Kristen went from like a b to a fucking d. Noble double D.

And she was like, look at these motherfuckers. I especially loved it. Like, she was peak pregnancy, and I would feel her back when she's on top of me. I was like, I fucking am cheating on you. This girl's got a big back and huge chest.

Titties. This big bad beach. You know, women are normally contextually horny. We need candles and a story and a narrative. This was just spontaneous horniness that I had never experienced or taken pleasure in before.

Alana Glazer
It was so fun and funny, and I was really sick, and that was funny. It was just so separate from me, you know, and just, like, smelling water and throwing up. It was such a funny experience. So, yeah, we were just throwing all the ideas down. Will you say Michelle's last name?

Buto. How far back do you guys go? Oh, my God. Cause you guys have such a rhythm. Yeah, we know each other for, like, 18 years.

Dax Shepard
Oh, you do? Yes. Where did you meet. She's your co star. She's the woman with the two children in the movie.

Alana Glazer
Yeah. I've been doing comedy 18 years. Michelle has been doing it 23. She's outrageously good. Yeah, she's a big deal.

That's right. She is outrageously good. She is fucking funny, and she is an incredible actor. No. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
She is incredibly real. Even when she's super broad. I'm all bought in. Yup. She is such a rootedness to her spirit.

It's almost like Julia Dreyfus. Like, she can go to the moon, and you're like, yeah, I totally buy this. Oh, my God. I'm gonna tell her you said that today. Please do.

Alana Glazer
Fucking love it. We really didn't write with anybody particular in mind because we had our characters right there, and Suzy having the kids and me and Josh Knott. I just was doing this interview the other day, talking about lists of actresses, and do you guys remember when Mitt Romney said, I have binders full of women? Yeah. Yeah.

It was giving binders. It was like serving binders so hard where it was like, lists of actresses who I normally admire and can tell you all their special attributes and performances, but on a list, they're completely flattened. I don't care about any of these people. You know, these people sell these many tickets and this much box office, this many followers. This feels weird.

And then it came to me in my sleep. I, like, woke up in the middle of the night. I was like, fucking Michelle, obviously. And we became obsessed. And she was very busy.

Had just finished writing season one of survival of the thickest on Netflix and was about to shoot it, and I was like, girl, hear me out. And she was like, I don't know that I can. I was like, I really think you could. This is mirrored in the movie in a weird way. Oh, that's funny.

Dax Shepard
She's overextended and you're needy. Yep, yep. It's true. Tap into it. But I'm guessing that a lot of the stuff that made it into the movie certainly wasn't scripted.

Like, you guys clearly have established. Like, did you ever watch that thing? And I'll forget all the actors names involved, but it's the famous english comedian and another famous english comedian. English shit. That's right.

You don't know about England. This is not gonna work. It's a reality thing. They go on a tour of castles and food, and they end up doing their show. It's like a documentary series.

Steve Coogan and some other guy, and they just go to places to eat. Nice. Jesus Christ. And they end up doing their Sean Connery's to each other for, I don't know, 45 minutes. Oh, that's never funny.

Old, and you can tell they've been doing it for a decade. So cute. There's nothing better than when you get to bring in those things that already exist. Like, you guys seen bitch for five minutes. I was just, like, remembering, though.

Alana Glazer
Was that scripted? I don't think it was scripted. It's hard for me to remember. Josh is the savant about it when he's like, no, we did that on the third draft or this, that. We have another one.

Girl curl. Bitch. Bitch, for sure. Had you written a lot with Josh? He wrote on Broad City.

Otherwise, no. So this is the first feature you guys have written together? Yeah. And his best friend and writing partner and one of my best friends, Kevin Barnett, passed away in 2019, and it remains huge loss. Kevin was, like, about to be your favorite stand up actor, writer, producer, director.

They had written together on Broad City, and the character Claude is based on Kevin. Oh, no kidding. Yeah. Okay. And then how does Pamela Adlon come into the mix?

We get the green light from Film Nation. They were like, we will make this with moolah. And I was like, so you love me? And we were looking for directors and interviewing people, and also, like, would be good if it was a woman. Would be good if she was a.

But then it was also like, yeah, but it's just anybody who can do it well also would be great. So let's just talk to lots of people. But then when we met Pamela, she was so funny and bawdy and had such rock star energy. Her passion for the script was so infectious. We were all such fans of better things.

She was coming at motherhood from a different angle that none of us have gotten to yet. And we just really fell in love with her right away. And Hasan's really good at it. Hasan is incredible. There's always that anxiety.

Dax Shepard
Who did I just have? Uh uh. Oh. Andrew Schultz was in a movie. He wasn't here promoted, but someone else was, Camila Mendes.

And I was saying this as well. There's always this anxiety when you see a stand up for the very first time act. You're like, how's this gonna go? And it was delightful. He was incredible.

Alana Glazer
They're fucking gorgeous. They're giving queens. It's very believable. Yes. Like Michelle, he's so funny and so good.

He just honored the experience so deeply. It was really sweet. And you went to south mouth by we were there at the same time. Oh, no, we missed you. You guys had your premiere there.

Yeah, it was fucking lit. I honestly didn't dream that would happen. I think that's the greatest place to screen a movie. When I've had movies that have gone there, I'm just like, oh, Austin loves movies in the most perfect way. In neither the way New York or LA appreciates.

Dax Shepard
There's no chip on their shoulder, there's no pretension. They like to party. And their filmmakers that are indigenous to their are some of the best in the world. They have the traditions and the love. The Elmo drafthouse, like, their love for it, is so uniquely Austin.

Alana Glazer
That's exactly. It was shocking. We had done test screenings in like Brr bank, you know, and it was fun, but it's also like so conditioned and it was raucous. What really surprised me was their shock. It was awesome.

Dax Shepard
We haven't even set the premise. So you guys are best friends. She has two kids, you have a one night stand, you end up pregnant. My character doesn't have a good support system and it tests their friendship. And the heart of the movie was really important to us to maintain and build over the movie.

Alana Glazer
And that was great too. At South park on the baby. That scene really, really works. A fight, you mean? Yeah.

So cloud. But the theme that is on the table there, Monica, is gonna resonate with you, I think, deeply. If Erin said this to me, my very best friend since I was eleven, you got a little cream top on your nose and I know you'd be bummed if you discovered it later and we let you have it. Creamtop telling her I didn't see it. Would you have told her?

Lily Padman
Probably not. God, I know, I know. That's my bad. We're doing as good as we can, all of us. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
The notion of we're not family is fucking brutal. If Aaron told me we're not family, I would cry for six years. Yeah, I know. It's such a good real scene. When Josh and Susie and I were throwing all these ideas down and so much was so funny.

Alana Glazer
But the thing that kept coming up, that was the bones or was it the meat? I don't know. That's fine. The endoskeleton or the exoskeleton. The spine was how your friendships change.

Whether you have kids or not. Someone's doing something and getting life partners. It's lots of shifting in your thirties. It's rough. My friendship with Kevin and Josh's friendship with Kevin, they were like a married couple.

Kevin and I were like a married couple in ways and family, too. And the way that your friends or your partners, and in a new way, your partners are your friends, you know, like checking out a girl with your partner, that fluidity is kind of what we were looking at also. So in both Eden's one night stand and the spark, and then also my character in Michelle's Eden and Dawn's, well. I don't believe in reviews unless they're positive. And then I bring them up.

Dax Shepard
It's been beautifully reviewed. That's my value system as well. Anywho, yours got very well reviewed, which is almost impossible to happen, I think. So congratulations. Thanks so much.

Do you care? Honestly, I'm thrilled. Yeah, you should. Thrilled. I can't exactly read them, but to know about them, I'm thrilled.

Alana Glazer
It's scary. Cause it's addicting where you hope it's true. That is true of me. And it's like, no, it's not. And that's not me.

And they don't know me. I read them, and it's almost like going down some scary Instagram hole that's toxic, aka being on Instagram at all. Yeah. I like hearing, like, my mother will tell me they loved your thing. And I'm like, okay, great.

Dax Shepard
That's all I really need to know. Because do you have the unique ability, as I do, which is, like, even if it's positive, I figure out a way that it was bad. Yeah. And sort of disembodying or flattening to my spirit. And it's scary.

Yeah. It's a really dicey endeavor. Yeah. It's kind of like an OCD thing of math that your brain is so trained to do. And it's like, just don't even read it.

Sit this one out. There's almost no win in it, even if it's ostensibly a win. You're like, yeah, but I figured out something I don't like about it. If people tell me little pieces, I also cry. It's like, it's too much.

Alana Glazer
It's too much. After sat by, I was like, fully crying on the plane. Oh, that's lovely. That means you really experienced it. I did.

Dax Shepard
And were you with Michelle? Was she there? Michelle was there. We were like, what the hell going on? We were shocked.

Alana Glazer
She was sitting behind me, and I kept turning around, being like, boot. We were like, what? We couldn't believe it. But also, after Broad City, if you end that and you think, what if that was my thing? That's it.

Lily Padman
It's beautiful to experience it again. Yeah. I wanna apologize. Rob wrote on here that I'm literally seeing for the first time. 430 hard out.

Dax Shepard
Also, give me a verbal one. It was 454. Okay. Oh, that's okay. That's not bad.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm loving this. Oh, good. We love it, too.

Alana Glazer
Who cares? I mean, I'll go now. Well, I knew I would love this. We've been wanting to do this for a while.

Honored and privileged about that statement. Thank you. And I'm privileged to be here. This is so fun and sincere and good hearted and caring toward the world, and I'm just so grateful. Thank you.

Dax Shepard
All right, well, everyone needs to see babes. It's gonna be a lot of fucking theaters. And to see it with people in the theater, it's just very fucking funny. So it's worth your money. Let's see comedies in theaters.

Comedies. More than any other thing, you want a fucking shared experience, one that comes with ease. It's actually good for your body. It's truly medicinal to go get that oxygen and for the world to know. That you can relate to other people right now.

Alana Glazer
Exactly correct. We're so siloed. Ew. Ew. Silo.

Dax Shepard
England. England. This movie is not gonna perform in England, I hate to tell you. Go watch, babes. Alain Glazer.

So much fun. Please come back. Thanks for having me.

Stay tuned for more iron machines. Expert, if you dare. We are supported by Viator now, Monica. I'm going to Lisbon. So exciting.

And I'm going to use Viator because, you know, I can book a tuk tuk tour of the city on Vallator. Yeah, I feel like you can look up even other fun things you guys can do together. Yeah, absolutely. That is where you go to find an experience while you're traveling. Cause no matter where you're traveling or what you're interested in, Viator can help you plan better travel experiences.

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Lily Padman
And we just spent a ton of time on Wayfair picking out a beautiful couch. Oh, boy. I kind of need to peruse there to stock the downstairs. They have everything. It's really great.

Dax Shepard
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Alana Glazer
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Dax Shepard
Stick around for the fact check. Because they're human, they make lots of mistakes. Good evening. Good evening it is. Well, it's late afternoon.

Lily Padman
It's late afternoon, BTS. We don't wanna lie. It's getting close to evening, though. Yeah. When would you say it officially starts?

Dax Shepard
Five five, not 530. I think if I said late afternoon and it was in the fives. No, I'll agree with that. Okay. Agree to agree.

Agree to agree. It's not often you can say that. Okay, I have a big update. Oh, wow. I love big updates.

Lily Padman
Huge. Live for them. I think I ate too many burritos. Oh, your new favorite burritos. Meaning you don't like them anymore or you had some kind of physiological reaction?

Both. Please tell. Okay, so, you know, I was eating them every day for, I think, two weeks, and then it. What's really funny, just really quick, is when you love them. We were saying the name of the burritos, and I know now that.

Dax Shepard
That we're not saying the name of the burritos. Cause it's taking a turn also. Yes. I'm not going to, but I can say, because no one should do what I did. Right.

It has nothing. It doesn't speak to the product. No, it's nothing to do with the burrito. It has to do with the way I consumed it, which was I ate it every day and then it became. I ate it only.

That's the only thing you're eating? Yeah. How many a day? One? Yeah.

Cause I think you look thinner. Yeah, things are. Something is happening. Okay. Yeah.

Lily Padman
So I started to get very full. On the one burrito. On the one burrito a day. Okay. And it was confusing.

Cause I've also been wagging. You wanna zempic? Do you think they put it in there? Well, I do know that this is how ozempic works. Right.

Dax Shepard
Which is like, you're full. Well, what if they are injecting it with those lip kits? That would be brilliant. This is very alleged. Well, it would not be good because.

Lily Padman
It'S going to be good. No, they want. In fact, I've heard. God, I wish I could remember who's telling me. The food industry is already launching plans to deal with ozempic because they're not.

Going to sell their food. They're not going to sell as much junk. And a lot of these companies know it's coming. That's interesting. It's like the end, you know, like cigarette.

Dax Shepard
Well, I don't want to compare junk food cigarettes, but, you know, junk food's not great. Also, this burrito is not junk food. I want to be clear. Very healthy. Yes, clearly.

And pricey. Again, we don't know who makes it. But we're not going to say the business. But it's a healthy and pricey business. Okay, so you were eating them one a day.

And what time a day would you eat? No one's going to like this because people are going to think it's like eating disorder adjacent. But I don't struggle. I've never struggled with that. Right.

Disordered eating. Yeah. I don't think I. Maybe too much toffee pudding on occasion or. Yeah.

Lily Padman
I mean, it is disordered to eat one thing every day, exclusively. I suppose. I don't know if you were supposed to eat 2000 calories a day and you had one meal. I mean, that's intermittent fasting, which people love. Right.

Dax Shepard
So you were kind of intermittent fasting. I guess. But then it. Which people love. Then it started that I was eating half the burrito.

Okay. So now it's leaning back towards. It has ozempic in it. Right. And I was not getting hungry, like, ever.

Okay. So then I was starting to force myself to eat the burrito. Half the burrito. But never thinking of deviating from the burrito. No.

Lily Padman
Cause I love it and I love the taste. This is a good. And to me, it has everything I need. It has protein. It has avocado, good for the brain.

Dax Shepard
It has burrito. It has cilantro. Rice. So there's carbs in there. Yeah.

Full. Yeah. Cause all your macros. My dad has a theory now, wait, based on this? No, no.

Lily Padman
Sorry, but it's tangential, because my dad watches his blood sugar carefully. Yes. And he stopped eating rice for a bit. I mean, he was eating a lot of rice. Indians love rice.

Dax Shepard
They sure do. And so then he stopped, and he was just eating basically, like, protein and vegetables. But then he decided he wanted to bring it back a little bit because he's worried that my grandmother and father's dementia has to do with when. Cause he also stopped eating rice at some point. Okay.

Lily Padman
And so he was like, I don't know. Feels a little like maybe that was bad. So he's bringing rice back in and look, carbs. You do need some carbs. Yeah, you do.

Dax Shepard
Particularly real quick. I think there's a link between serotonin and carbs. There's also a link between hair health and carbs. And I will say I can get in a cycle where I'm eating very little to no carbs because I'm trying to hit my protein goal, and it's just. I'm not hungry, so whatever.

And there are occasions where I'm like, yeah, I'm a little. I don't know if cranky is the right word, but I can feel that. I can feel the lack of carb. Yeah. Easily.

Access to energy. Yeah. And energy is very connected to brain health and mood and all of it all. To say this breeding had it all. It had it all.

Can we go back to a shoke? I know you want to blow right by that. Sure. And I say this having many times acknowledged that a shoke is one of the smartest people I've ever talked to. You're saying this, I hope, respectfully, we're coming up on Father's day.

Yes. And that's why I'm saying I'm starting with this. I deeply admire your father, and I think he's brilliant. Yes, I agree. But this is a very harebrained connection he has come up with.

Lily Padman
To be fair, he was around my grandfather for a long, long, long time. Yeah. But we just interviewed Sanjay, and if you believe in Natia's book, like, yes, the dementia was a metabolic disorder, so I'll just stop there. So pounding carbs. Not pounding.

He's saying the full removal could have had something to do with the deterioration of his brain. I don't. You're in? No. I don't know.

But like you just said, I feel different if I have zero carbs and I don't feel as good. I don't feel a lack of sharpness or brain activity. I just feel mood alteration. It's. All of this is connected.

If we've learned anything from all the people we've had on six and a half years. Yeah. I'll grant you that. Yes. Anyway, yeah, sorry.

The burrito had it all. Okay. Yeah. One stop shopping. It was one stop shop.

It tasted so good, but for some reason, it was making me not like food anymore. Mm hmm. And so. Oh, then also my pee was smelling kind of odd for a while. Wow.

Dax Shepard
There's no asparagus in the burrito. No. And sorry for a repeat. Cause we do talk about this on an upcoming thing. Okay, so I guess you should apologize on sink.

Lily Padman
I should go back. Back into the edit BTS that was referred to before this. But anyway, my pee was smelling kind of weird. That could be a million things. Are you comfortable describing what weird is, or could you?

It's hard to say. Smells are tricky. It wasn't my normal non smelling smell. Normally, my pee doesn't smell right. Less like I've had asparagus.

Yeah, but this. I could smell it. Okay, but back to trying to describe smell. Just. I want to do a minute on that.

Yeah. Don't you think it's interesting? Like, everything other thing, we have, like, a lot of adjectives. Yeah, but I find with smells, the only thing you can say is that, you know, it's bad, like repugnant or something. But to try to actually get the person to understand what the smell is like, we can only use other actual smells.

Dax Shepard
I think that's interesting. What do you mean? I said your piece smelled weird. What it smell like. And you are now for to basically think of another item that I might know how smells to tell me.

But if you asked me what something looked like, I wouldn't have to say, well, picture the White House. I would go, oh, it was 300ft tall, and it was narrow and it was blue. Like, you know, I have all these descriptors for you to build this mental picture. But I. You go, what?

Flowery? I guess maybe flower, you would say. You could say musty. Musty. Wow.

Lily Padman
Musty. That's not how the pea smells. So it smells sour and musty? No, it did not. Big bowl of musty.

Dax Shepard
Sour. I did not. People don't like when we do this. I did not. But often I describe the smell of my apartment as musty.

Lily Padman
If I've been gone for a week and I come home, it always smells musty. I don't understand it. Someone must be living in there while you're gone. No, it's the lack of a person. I know.

Dax Shepard
That's so weird, because I think of musty. Well, I guess maybe I'm confusing it with musk. Yeah, you're confusing that. I know. I still think of musk is like, a person.

Old underwear and a hamper, but old. Underwear, because it's so not mine, mind you. Yeah. Okay. Like, there's a.

Do we say moisture's in the mix with musty? I think musty has to do with moisture. Oh, I think it's dryness. So. Okay.

That. I knew there was something that we weren't allowed. We don't agree to agree here. Just. I'll call it misaligned.

Lily Padman
Okay. Yeah. Anyway, that is not how the peas smelled. It didn't smell musty or sour. It just had a smell that was not normal for me.

And I thought, what the fuck is going on here? I thought maybe it had to do with my period, but then I don't think it had to do with my period. And then I thought, the only thing left. Yeah. Maybe this is related to the burrito.

Dax Shepard
From God knows where it is, but. Not the burrito, to be fair. The lack of diversity in the diet. Right. I think that was the problem.

Lily Padman
So then I thought, God, I need to mix it up now. I don't think this can happen. And people that are super into keto will be mad at me. But I do wonder if, like, you were triggering ketones. Cause maybe ketones smell in your urine.

Dax Shepard
Rob, will you ask the computer if ketones have a smell in your urine? Okay. Ketones. And urine is the first thing that comes up when you research ketones. Wow.

Lily Padman
What does it smell like? Sour. Musty hamburgers. Ketones in urine is a medical condition that occurs when the body produces excess ketones as an alternative energy source. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
It's like the product of being in ketosis. Yeah. Not getting enough sugar. Carbs. Right.

And so I'm just wondering if there's a smell associated with heavily ketoned yogurt. Ketosis ripped, shredded. Mental clarity, that's what people who are in a ketosis state report. I've been in ketosis. I was on the Atkins diet.

Lily Padman
But you're not supposed to live in 97, I don't think. Well, are you? Look, a lot of early humans did. There were no carbs like the Inuit. They're eating whale blood.

An earthquake just now. Yes, there was. I felt it. Okay, I'm on a new. I'm gonna agree.

Dax Shepard
That's my new policy. You don't have to agree because people. Were really mad that I was questioning. I wasn't saying it didn't happen, but I was questioning whether the iPhone was likely to be more fallible than us humans in the alarm gate. Your alarm not going off.

A lot of people came to your defense. I want you to. No. And then they make it a bigger thing, which is my own issue. Well, they make it a bigger thing because you're paying attention.

Lily Padman
You don't have to pay attention to it. I do have to let them know that I see them and that I. Appreciate them and that you're mad at them. No, those people, they're few and far between. But they came to your defense, which is nice.

Dax Shepard
They think that definitely your iPhone malfunctioned and they're quoting different. They're quoting different things. Like, oh, everyone knows this update. You know, there's no, like, sources. But regardless, I have the smells.

Oh, great. God. So ketones in urine can cause a smell like popcorn, acetone or maple syrup. Yum. Huh?

Yum, yum, yum. I'm not sure. Didn't get a whiff of any of that. I'm not sure. Maybe popcorn.

Okay, give it a. Well, if it returns. Yeah. See if you can connect those two. Now that you have a descriptor, it might be obvious.

Can I close the loop on ketosis? So the Inuit or the nupia, they were hunting whales for thousands of years. They're only eating whale blubber pretty much as their whole diet, which has presented a lot of fun arguments against cholesterol and stuff because there's some, in the winter, they'll be eating 8000 calories a day of basically fat. And they have no heart disease. So this has been used to, you know, whatever.

But they're certainly in ketosis at all times. They have no carbohydrates available to them to eat for thousands of years because they're in a tundra. It's not like anything's growing with carbohydrates. And they did just fine. They're still there.

Lily Padman
Yeah, but we have to eat food. Yeah, but I'm just saying you can eat, as they did, simply animal protein and fat, which has no carbon carbohydrates, and you can live for thousands of years eating that way. Yeah, I just think if your pee smells weird, it's not great. Okay, that's my. I'm not making a case for living in ketosis.

Dax Shepard
I'm just. You had asked. I don't think you should or could. And I was just simply saying you could. There have been tons of populations that have lived certainly in ketosis.

Lily Padman
Well, I mean, maybe. I. I don't know if I am or I'm not. I just have no other. That was my best guess.

I think it's a good guess because I haven't been eating as much and I've been working out, but I think. A lot of people put in the comments, you can't go into ketosis in just a 23 hours break from eating, which probably is the case, but I don't know. I don't know your body. I mean, I know it's short 23 hours. Let's say you're eating the burrito over the course of 1 hour.

Dax Shepard
That leaves 23 hours of the day you're not eating. Yeah. Yeah. Or are you breaking it up into many meals? Sometimes it would be too.

Lily Padman
Two meals, half the burrito. Then it became just once a day, keep the doctor away. Once a day, half burrito. Right. And you don't weigh yourself?

I don't, but I've lost weight for sure. You know that, too. Okay. I'm not, like, delusional. No, I can tell.

I started diversifying a little bit. I ate a salad. But then the next day, I wanted the burrito so badly again, so I got it. Okay. So I guess what I like about this is it's not like you haven't lost the taste for it.

Okay. But then I'm starting to lose the taste. Yeah. Well, you're. Well, this is what I was gonna say is, like, so interesting how you dip in and out of very addictive behavior.

I think it's more obsessive behavior than it is addictive behavior. Yeah. I don't know that we can. There's a very fine line, but I do think there's a line. I do think.

I think there is, because I think that's actually the difference between the more, like, addiction to me is about more. Well, maybe not on the surface, yes, but I think what's under it is modulating your internal state with something external. So if you do something, let's say, put six beers in your system and you feel a desired way, you will chase that and do that compulsively. Cause you want that end result of the feeling. And so I feel like, clearly, the first day you ate this burrito, you were like, that's the perfect meal.

Dax Shepard
And you felt great about it. That was great. And I'm full. And whatever other things you told yourself, and then the next day, you were like, let's repeat that. I loved the outcome.

And you're kind of. This is back to Ethan taking one motrin and drinking a Diet Coke. And it was great. And so he just did it for five years absentmindedly. Yeah, I guess so.

Lily Padman
It started as Anna introduced a burrito. Oh, my God, I had the best lunch today, this burrito from this place. And, oh, no, I love it. And it's so expensive. And then I was like, oh, my God, I gotta try it.

Tried it. Loved it. But I ate that for lunch. And then I ate dinner. I ate it normally at first, and then it got a little out of control.

But I think that's cause of the ozempic. But that's. I do think you have to enjoy inject it just to push another hole. Just said it was like, oh, my God, is it like the kal teen bars and mean girls? Remember when she's only eating these bars and then it flips?

It's like these weight loss bars, but then it flips and she's, like, gained all this weight? Okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. Yeah.

So anyway, I've been trying to diversify, but then I've had the pull for the burrito, and so I went back. But now it's probably just psychological. I'm not liking the taste as much, but I think because I've associated it with. I think something's going on here. Okay.

Dax Shepard
But also, you just. Your taste buds, at some point, want a little variety, don't they? I know, but, like, today I had. Two whispers so no one can hear us. Today I had two bites and I.

Was like, you almost threw up. I was like, this is making me feel a little nauseous. Yeah, right, right. Something psychic psychosomatics happening, for sure. Yeah.

This is exciting. Yeah. Anyway, so that's. You're basically running trials by yourself. Like, what if someone committed to.

Well, that's a sad thing. Did you see that Morgan Spurlock died? I did. I'd hated that. I know.

Lily Padman
Sad. So young. I think he was 54 or something. I didn't like that. Okay.

Dax Shepard
My pinned thing. Yes. And I wonder if this is now something that will be highly relatable but wouldn't have been two years. Okay. So I'm taking the girls for a motorcycle ride.

At one point we decided to go down into the alley by TT's house, our old house, and we're gonna just turn around, I guess. But she hears all the motorcycles in the alley. So she comes out and then Yurt comes out and Yurt's sister comes out. We're all having a chat for a while. It was really nice.

And I'm looking at Carly and I'm like, carly is looking very fit. Nice. Very, very fit. And I'm like, oh, fuck. But I can't say anything because I don't want to put her in a position if she has gone on ozempic and she's embarrassed by that.

I don't want to put her in some position where she has to now lie about why she has lost weight. Okay. And so, I don't know, three weeks goes by and the other day we're in the kitchen and I just kind of go, fuck it. I go, Carl, have you lost? And she's like, I have.

I've lost like 18 pounds. Wow. Yeah. And I'm like, well, you really look fit. And she goes, thank you.

You're the first person to tell me that. I bet this situation that happened is not unique is what I was getting at. Yeah, definitely. I bet a lot of people are observing people in their life who have lost significant weight. That's very visible.

And they don't know whether they should say anything or not because they don't know if they're opening up a can of worms about Ozempic. And like, yeah, right. For sure. I mean, I know your sister, I don't think is on Ozemp. She's not.

Lily Padman
Yeah. No, no, she's not. And so she's been working. She like, runs with the dog. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
She's got like, a whole routine and she's been working very, very hard. And so, but when I told her, like, I hadn't brought it up because in case you were on Ozempic, I didn't, I didn't know if you'd be embarrassed. Embarrassed you were on it. I think that my broader point, which is it's sad to me that people would be embarrassed that they're on Ozempic. Well, I agree with that.

Lily Padman
I don't think it's embarrassing. And I want more people who are on it to say they're on it so that it can not be embarrassing. And we've obviously talked about that a ton. Like, I think get on it if you want to get on it, but maybe be honest about the fact that you're on it. Also, don't get on it if you don't want to get on it, of course.

Dax Shepard
Well, there'll be people in the comments, like, stop telling everyone they need to be on Ozempe. I'm not saying that at all. I want to be very, I don't. Want to, I just, like, I can't be addressing all those. Right.

Lily Padman
Like, we can say what we mean and not have to caveat to commenters. I agree with you to a large extent. I understand what a very sensitive topic it is. So I want to be ultra clear when I'm talking on what I think is a very sensitive topic that is very easily triggering to somebody. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
So I probably, I wouldn't take this amount of time if I was talking about many other things. Yeah, I was just saying, I said, if you wanna get on it, get on it. I don't think we need to say if you don't wanna get on it. I mean, we can, we can do whatever we want, but I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever. Anyway, all to say, I think I'm gonna stop eating the burritos.

I think that's, I would for now, forget I would. Second thing that decision. What was I gonna say? Well, I've been a little under the weather. Okay.

You seemed yesterday. Yeah. It had like you were struggling. I wonder if this has God, is it all tied in? Mm mm.

I'll tell you a very life affirming thing. Okay. So that burrito is a cautionary tale, I think. No, everyone should not eat burritos singularly for two weeks straight, once a day.

Life affirming. Lincoln had her end of her school year fifth grade dance last night. Oh, my God, how sweet. We've talked about it. Some of my very favorite memories of life are the 6th grade dance, the 7th grade dance, and the 8th grade dance.

God, were those fun. I wish we would had fifth grade. We didn't have it. So it's nice they're starting them earlier. Yeah.

And the theme was, like, eighties and graffiti. Ooh. So Lincoln made a full jean outfit that she had spray painted. Cute. Her and Hannah did.

And it looked tremendous. It looked like something you would buy at whatever store you thoreau. Not really, but, you know, very. It was cool. Yeah.

I feel like she could sell these. Wow. And I picked her up, and I don't. There's almost nothing funner to witness than a bunch of fifth graders at a dance. There was ice cream truck.

Lily Padman
Ooh. Everyone's in their crazy eighties graffiti outfits. Their congo lining, taking pictures. Lincoln's crying when I pick her up. It's so she's happy.

Dax Shepard
Yes, joy. And, like, it's over and missing people already. Oh. Cause it was the last hurrah. Yeah.

The last time at the school. And these kids are. Most of them are going in many different directions because it was a charter school that doesn't have a middle school. Right. Another funny thing.

My kids hate when I say junior high, which is so funny to me because middle school seems so much stupider than junior high to me. No, I'm with her. You are? I went to high school. But did you go to middle school?

Lily Padman
Yeah, I went to middle school. Middle school. Yeah. Junior high sounds very dated. That was junior high.

It was? Isn't it sound cooler? Oh, my God. Maybe it's got high school in the title. Carl Sandburg junior High.

But it's junior high now. Say it the other way. Carl Sandberg Middle school. Oh, I'm sorry. You went there now.

Dax Shepard
Junior high. Oh, another fun thing. I woke up with an insatiable desire three days ago to talk to my junior high friend, Joey Riccardi. Okay. Italian.

You've heard me talk about his dad. His dad was a bricklayer from Italy. Mm hmm. Built them a beautiful brick ranch. And he had a bertone that he drove in.

Lily Padman
He might have come up in this interview, which is weird. Oh, wow. He might have. But I think because I recently told a story about his dad, I was maybe thinking about him a lot. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
And so I tracked down his number, and last night, after I picked Lincoln up from this adorable dance, I talked to him for, like, an hour and a half, and it was so goddamn fun. That's nice. It was a nice little blast from the past. It was. Speaking of the row.

Yeah? It's Mary Kate and Ashley's birthday today. Happy birthday. Oh, it is? Okay.

Happy birthday, gals. Happy birthday. I love you. I miss you. I want to be you.

Lily Padman
We love them. Yeah, we love them. I mistakenly did wear the row. I don't want my ex girlfriend to hear that I love her sister. That would be.

No, it would be fine. Just like if your ex girlfriend said they loved you and your brother. Like I love the shepherds. Yeah, you'd love that. I would.

Dax Shepard
I would want anyone to love my brother. Speaking of which, he's coming Sunday. That's fun. What are you guys gonna do? Father's Day.

Volleyball. Volleyball, pickleball tournament. Cool. Double activity. Father's Day.

Lily Padman
That's really nice. Well, I'm still waiting to learn. Well, you're invited for a lesson anytime you want. Not Sunday. That's dad's only.

Dax Shepard
Okay, but I'll definitely teach you how to play at any point if you want to learn. Well, I do, but I can't invite. You have to do it well. But you have to say, like, hey, I want to learn pickleball. I've said it a lot.

Okay, well, now that I've. And you would receive instruction from me, now that's another. We gotta sort that out. Now. Have you ever taught me something?

Lily Padman
I mean, obviously you teach me all kinds of things, but have you ever, like, you. We taught you spades. Yep. You taught me spades. I taught you how to ride in the sand car.

Dax Shepard
You're very receptive. I'm like, here's what you gotta do while you're in the seat, you gotta follow with your eyes the track we're gonna ride. There was instructions. Here's how the seatbelt works. I buckled you in the whole nine.

Lily Padman
I think I'm pretty good. I think. I think, at receiving instruction. Yeah, I think so too. I like getting things right.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. And you like teachers. I love teachers. Right. It's me who has a hard time getting instructions.

Lily Padman
Exactly. Yeah. So I think it would go okay. Okay, great. Although I do have a history.

Dax Shepard
Uh oh. I did not receive instruction well from my father. Oh, right. Most daughters don't. Yeah.

Yeah. But so you're kind of. You're in a gray area, so we could. Could go poor. Let's leave the door open for it to go poorly.

Yeah. Well, I could have Lincoln teach you. Oh, I'd love that. Yeah, that'd be fun for both of you. She knows.

Lily Padman
Yeah. With mislead you. No, no. Yeah. So maybe I'll oversee that.

Dax Shepard
I'll be the quiet observer, and then if she messes up, I will tell you on the side. Cause that's when we can get into the biggest. Our biggest snafus. Yeah. What if we get in a big three way?

Lily Padman
Three way fight? Explosive. Could be very explosive. Yeah. What's happening, which is truly sweet and ultimately quite flattering, is for her to be wrong in front of me is very hard for her, which is very sweet.

Dax Shepard
Oh, you're sensing that I have isolated that. That's when I really set off a kind of chain reaction between her and I. As if I kind of correct her because she wants to be on it for me, which is really sweet. Oh, man, I want. I wonder where she got that.

Lily Padman
I can't even, I can't even begin. I can't even begin to think where that comes from. No, I know where it came from. I mean, yeah.

Yeah, it is sweet. You know, Laura LeBeau and I were sitting in the hot tub last night. My mom's visiting, and we got to talking about my dad. She said, you know, one of the many nice things that you and your brother got from your dad is that you're very in touch with your feminine, like your dad was. Is your brother too.

Dax Shepard
Yeah, yeah, that's nice. He does really well with girls. Right? Like, he. Yeah.

And I don't mean does well with him, like, lands chicks. I mean, he interacts with. He feels very safe around them and. Yeah, and I think that's his sweet. And I said, I said, yeah.

You know, over time, I think I've come to recognize quite a bit of the appealing things about me are from him. There's so many things I know realized that he was so affectionate and loving. Dad's. In the eighties, where I grew up, wasn't a given. And she said, oh, he was the sweetest boy on planet earth when I met him.

She said, he just treated me like a princess from the day we met. And we had this very beautiful moment where she was remembering what a sweet boyfriend he was, and I was remembering what a sweet dad he was coming. Up on Father's Day. Oh, I didn't even think of the timing, but yeah, yeah, it was very sweet. And then I thought too, love is so weird.

Lily Padman
Yeah. Like, my mom certainly loved that man to death and still loves him so much and thinks back on what a beautiful time they had and how sweet he was to her. Yeah. And do you think part of that is like, you just forget the bad stuff, or is it? She's not forgotten the bad stuff, but it doesn't matter.

It's all folded into the same thing. Yeah. I don't think she's forgotten the bad stuff. Cause in that conversation, she talks about the things that ultimately made them not work out. So it's like she has full awareness.

Dax Shepard
But I think over time, what happens is I think what's very lasting is love. And what's pretty erosive is resentment. Yeah. Which is lovely for some people. I think if you.

I said erosive, like, I know that's a word, erosive. Is that what you mean? No, I mean, it erodes. Oh, I don't know if erosive is a word, but it should be ephemeral. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lily Padman
Fleeting. Fleeting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think if you're lucky, you live like that. Right?

And I think. And not if you're lucky, you can choose to live like that. I do. Intellectually, I know all the reasons Brie and I broke up, but I have no emotions anymore attached to those reasons. I know intellectually, they used to be full of a lot of emotions, of course, and now.

Dax Shepard
But the positive things are still emotions. Yeah. That is easy to do in retrospect. Like, for you looking at Bree and for your mom looking at your dad, the current friction isn't there. So, yeah, it can go for me.

Just like anger has a half life and for me, love doesn't have a half life, and I probably am just lucky in that way. Yeah, you're right. Some people seem to be able to really. Yeah. Caring, fortify that anger and resentment.

Lily Padman
But I think it's a choice. Yeah. And I don't know that I didn't. I didn't, like, decide this, because in AA. But of course, there's many great scenes about this in AA.

Dax Shepard
One of them being, you know, resentments are like drinking poison and hoping your enemy dies. Yeah, that's a really good. So you just. You're the only person who suffers from this. It has no impact on the person you're mad at.

Lily Padman
I know.

I think when you have any complicated relationship, you're forced to do this. Make a decision about how you want to feel about it overall, even when you're in it, and it's complicated. Is this going to be something that's costing me? Or do I want to look at it as a gift in some way? Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Or something that nurtured you or taught you something. Whatever. Yeah. I do detect. What's funny is I could just flat out ask her.

She's so honest, and we talk so openly. But I do detect that nothing ever matched that. I wonder. But I don't know. Cause my mom loves bartender.

Lily Padman
Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Big time. Also, you've talked about this. You feel like when you're younger.

No. You've said that you don't feel. Feel like there's an order. Yeah, yeah. That's true.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. So I don't even know why. Well, of course you want. I mean, if I were you, I would want my. Yeah.

I want my mom to love one. Of course, the most. Yeah, I guess you're right. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, and it's interesting. Cause I guess you wanna be the product of that. Yeah. Of course there's a fantasy around. Like, you're the product.

Lily Padman
You're the product of this magical once in a lifetime. Yeah. True love of your life. Yeah. But the reality is so warmly.

The reality is everyone's a product of. A sperm and an egg. Yeah. And that true love is complex. It's not.

I remember one time, this is funny, this popped in my head the other day. I don't remember the specific details, but Lincoln was so little. Like she was. She. She must have been two or three too little.

It was t w o little or maybe three. But somebody maybe asked her, like, do you know how you were made or something? And she said, yeah, because of you and mommy's love. Mm. That was her explanation for her.

Dax Shepard
Right. We hadn't gotten in yet to the penis vagina. Well, sure. But she knew from, like, her idea of herself was that she was born out of love. The product of love.

Lily Padman
So beautiful. It is. It's lovely. Yeah. I mean, I've never thought that in my life.

Dax Shepard
Interesting. I wonder if that's in the dynamic for your own psychology. I'm wondering. I mean, in what way? You mean just in the way I look at love.

Lily Padman
I view love. I view partnership. Yeah. I think there's something about. About this isn't the case, but, like, if you think I'm the product of a financial arrangement.

Yeah. That's not the case. It's not the case. It's not at all. I'm using like, an extreme example.

Dax Shepard
Cause I don't know how to articulate what I've. Yeah. I don't know. I feel like that would affect my psychology in some way. I don't know.

I wanna be the product of love. Yeah. I don't know why you're romantic, but it's. You are very romantic. So maybe that I am.

Yeah, I'm super romantic. Yeah. And I am more practical about life, and that is probably a part of it because I am a result of a practical partnership. Right. Definitely not a financial arrangement, then that might do something to my psychology.

Lily Padman
But I mean, I don't know, though. Because, like, let's say that you're in the 15th, 19 hundreds, and France and England put these two people together to join empires, and they had you literally just to carry on the family empire. Right. That's just an interesting origin story. It is, but it's what everyone's doing.

It's just hooded in this different veil. Like you. You found love in order to carry on the thing. You wanted kids, so you found love to do that. My parents wanted kids, and they found this arrangement to do that.

I don't want to do them a disservice, because it's not. Of course, I'm making it sound like they didn't. Like there was a broker. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they did. And they had a whole life before me, and they liked each other a lot and loved each other and love each other still.

But it wasn't romantic. Right. Cause for me, the way you just laid it out is kind of. It's true. But I also think I would add to it, which is like, yeah, I want to have a child, but I want half of that child to be someone I love.

Dax Shepard
I want to go create this new beam with the type of person that I love, because then they will be the type of person I love. You know what I'm saying? Like, I wouldn't have desired to have kids with someone that I totally disregard, respected and totally. Well, yeah, yeah. I'm only saying, like, on one level, you're dead right?

Like, the human's. The human. It's a sperm and an ovum, and whatever what was behind it isn't actually relevant. It doesn't matter. It doesn't.

It doesn't. But when you're thinking about the person you're going to bring into your life and nurture for the rest of your life. I was highly selective, and I'm not going to do it with somebody that I have, like, disregard for. For sure. It's funny.

Lily Padman
Cause what you're saying is you wanted kids with someone you love so that those kind of. The product is a combination. Yeah, but. And I would say my parents have that, but they would probably replace love with, like, admirer, respect. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Right. Which is the same. I think it's only if I. If I admire and respect somebody, I'm prone to be in love with them. Yeah.

Lily Padman
Yeah. I don't know how we got on the subject. My dad. Love your dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's really sweet. What are you doing for your father on this glorious? He wants a gift card. He's the most practical man in the world, other than this rice thing. But I think it's gonna be a little bit of a sad one.

Why no grandpa? Oh, right. First one without him. Uh huh. Sad.

I think it's gonna be sad for my mom. Yeah. But are you. You're gonna give your dad a gift card to where? Ooh, probably Amazon.

Dax Shepard
Oh, smart. He's not a Home Depot guy. He goes there, but it's not. Cause he has to. Yeah.

Men have to report to Home Depot occasionally, or we get jury duty. Yeah. Summoned. We get kicked out of the club if we don't pass through there occasionally. Put in some facetime.

Lily Padman
He's been. But he. He prefers Amazon now. He likes that. Two day delivery, same day delivery.

Dax Shepard
Hard to beat. It's really hard to beat. I agree. Yeah. Father's Day.

Lily Padman
Good old Father's day. Good old Father's Day. Facts, facts. Okay. She said the first suburbs were invented in Long Island.

Levittown. And that is correct. Good job. Ding, ding, ding. She got it.

Does she? How much should she win, Rob? $100. Oh, wow. Perfect.

Dax Shepard
She got $100 on the board. Okay, I guess that's Rob's money. Cause I did not agree to that. And a burrito. So $120.

Lily Padman
Okay, let's see, then. Without saying the name of the place, everyone now knows. Everyone knows. We say it on sale. I know.

Dax Shepard
But even if you didn't know and you heard the burrito was dollar 20, you go, well, it could only be one place. Exactly. Oh, I've got one fun thing. It's kind of a fact, too. My partner at the bouncy house, if you heard, I was a volunteer at the field day, and my partner was this really wonderful woman, and we got to chatting about what she does, and she kind of does.

I don't know how I describe it. Maybe, like, vibe management at a law firm, like, keeping the culture there kind of happy and productive and blah, blah, blah. Okay. And I said, of all the tools at your disposal to keep, like, the workforce, what's the number one? And she said, without question, food.

If you bring in good food for people, or when they have people come out to interview for jobs from all the fancy colleges, I bring Arowan. People want to have Arowan when they come to California. Does she bring, like, the smoothies? I don't know, but I just know. And I was like, oh, I bet they also want in and out.

She's like, yes, they want in and out. They want air one. Like, these people, these. These kids in college, they know what's out here. Yeah.

They're smart, and they want it. Well, this is a ding ding ding Easter egg. Cause on synced. I say, I wonder across the country how aware people are of Arowana and, like, the smoothies and stuff, right? Cause everyone here is aware, obviously.

Lily Padman
But then I thought, maybe because of TikTok and stuff, it is pretty widespread, apparently. These candidates from these Ivy League schools, they know. Wow. Okay. So can you be on your period around bears?

You're not gonna like this. Despite a widespread misconception that menstrual odors attract black and grizzly bears and precipitate attacks, there is no evidence for this now. This is from bear.org. this is Monica, the North American Bear center. This is real.

The misconception began in 1967 when grizzly bears killed a menstruating woman and a woman who was approaching menstruation in Glacier National park. But it's not true. No instances of black bears attacking or being attracted to menstruating women were found when an extensive review of black bears across North America was conducted. So if you're walking through the woods on your period, it is unlikely a bear will sniff you out and attack you. The thing is, don't risk it.

Dax Shepard
Okay, well, I think you could back up and make it less specific. Do they smell blood from far away? That's the question. And I all respect to bear.org, dot. But Doug, I know, lived with bears his whole life and watched them respond to things.

I'm gonna definitely trust the guy who lives with a bear when he says. I trust one guy, Doug, over, like, real reasons. Research from bear.org, from a lot of. Bears, this is what they're kind of claiming. Those almost unknowable, they're going like, what they're doing is they're looking at all bear attacks, right?

And then they're looking at how many of the people were menstruating. I'm not. I'm a little suspicious that every time someone got attacked by a bear, someone came in and asked the question, are you menstruating? I'm a little suspicious with that ever. I bet they do, because they do ask, like, was there food out?

Lily Padman
Did you have? They ask questions to know what's attracting them. We're guessing. We don't really. Or maybe you're not.

Dax Shepard
I've never seen the aftermath of questioning that goes on. I could assume, based on the Internet, when they say, like, don't have open food out, that that's because they've done research to know that that attracts bears. Yeah. Okay. There's more.

Lily Padman
I'm reading. There's no evidence that menstrual odors attract or trigger bears attacks. In fact, studies have found that black bears ignore menstrual odors regardless of age, sex, or reproductive status. They don't discriminate. A review.

I added that review of black bear attacks across North America since 1900 found no instance of a black bear killing a menstruating woman. Grizzly bears are also more interested in grass than menstrual products. So maybe they did an experiment. The only bear that has shown interest in menstrual blood is the polar bear, but only when presented with the use tampon. So they've done some.

Dax Shepard
I do want to just say that all that data was from black bears. And I just. I just need to point out I was dealing with a brown bear grizzly, it said, but it wasn't nearly as extensive. Of all the other stuff, grizzly bears. Are more interested in grass than menstrual products.

Lily Padman
That, to me, means they did some tests. Okay. Okay. Now I'm gonna read about things to do when you encounter a bear. Okay.

Dax Shepard
Get rid of your tampon. What if it was the number one thing? You know what's really annoying is it took me a while to find this because almost everything was just about bear spray products. It really wants you to have bear spray. And there was hard to find.

Lily Padman
If you don't have bear spray, which most people don't. I don't have any. Okay. Number one thing to do is know your bears. North America is home to three bear species.

The black bear, brown bear, a species that includes the grizzly bear and polar bear. Find out which species live in the place where you live or plan to travel. Okay, I'm not going to get into that, but look it up. Yeah. Okay.

Number two, don't unwittingly attract them. Bears have a better sense of smell than dogs and love humans food. So the main strategy to avoid run ins is to minimize any scents or attractants on your body, composite or property. If you're a hiker, be more careful about various kinds of scents and things that you would have on you, such as food, deodorant, and even chewing gum. They're not saying anything about periods or tampons.

Okay, Carrie, bear sprayed. We already talked about that. Okay. Now, this was important. If you are attacked or pursued, react according to the species of bear.

I think this is important to know. Typically, if you're in a place where there's just black bears, you would be bold and aggressive to a bear that approaches you. Throwing things, standing tall and yelling will drive away most black bears. Although that stress strategy is not foolproof. I've seen pretty scary videos where black bears have actually attacked people when they're doing everything right.

He says nothing's 100%. If you run into a grizzly, your approach should be the opposite. Backing away slowly. And getting away from the situation without provoking the animal. That's especially true with female grizzly bears with cubs, which can be particularly dangerous.

In an analysis of 675 bear attacks in Alaska, the vast majority of incidents in which bears charged occurred when people and bears confronted other at close range within ten yards or less. In more than 50% of those situations, the person was not physically hurt. That's interesting. Okay, number seven, never run. You can't outrun a bear.

The best thing to do is walk away slowly from a bear if it already clearly sees you, or I guess, get big and throw things if it's a black bear. Number eight, know when to play dead. Only play dead after a bear has made contact with you. There's a lot to think about here. I know.

Dax Shepard
You come face to face and you're like, shit, what number am I on? Well, first you have to know your bears. Yeah, well, I know my bears. Well, then you said some brown bears are black. Yes, yes, I know.

And many, many, many black bears can be brown, but there's a huge size difference. That's the main thing. I mean, I have to think about this now when I go to Anthony and Allison's house because there was a bear in their yard. Yeah, but it was a black bear. It was brown.

Lily Padman
And apparently it was a brown black bear. Yep, that's right. Just get some bear spray. I might. Oh, my gosh.

Well, maybe I could use it on my logs, too. It could double duty. I bet those people would move off. The sidewalk if they're referencing. I have to be.

I have guilt. Uh oh. I have to relieve some guilt here. Okay. This is a safe place to do so.

I feel bad. I don't think those people are hanging out anymore. Oh, no. Actually, I think maybe they picked a new place. Don't be mad at me for this.

Dax Shepard
I am not mad at you. I am laughing. I am laughing. You're ashamed. No, I'm laughing.

Lily Padman
And if you express guilt, and then I was ashamed, I would be in trouble. So I'm laughing at this outcome. I don't know if it's true. Right. I'm going with you.

Dax Shepard
And assuming it's true if you feel bad. So I feel like maybe they disembodied their group, or maybe they did something smart and picked a better location for the hang. Right. Something happened. I do feel bad, though.

Lily Padman
And then I'm also. I'm annoyed. That's. I feel bad because I still believe that was not a good setup and that it caused people a lot of inconvenience. Yeah.

But now I am worried that I ruined some friendships, which I don't wanna do.

Dax Shepard
Oh, my God. There's no winning. It reminds me of my favorite moment in this world on stern, which is like, he was weighing peloton, and he would talk about his favorite teacher a lot. Okay. On the show.

Lily Padman
Yeah. And then it's at least his conclusion that had gotten to her. And she started kind of being performative to him specifically. Oh, no. Yeah.

These things happen. I mean, things get really out of control. I know. Hear him break it down. Because it was also this.

Dax Shepard
This happened over me many, many episodes. Right. Like, he would talk about her a lot, and then. Then it was again. He thinks he observed a wink at one point.

Not a physical wink, but some type of, like, a whiner. Okay. And then. And then it just evolved into he felt very single. Like, the whole thing.

Yes. Yes. He just couldn't enjoy it anymore, and so he had to stop using her as an instructor. Oh, no, no. And I think he probably felt how you're feeling right now.

Alana Glazer
Yeah. I mean, I've logged past at least one girl I know was in the group, and she's, like, on her own now. Oh. Crying. I always walk really fast by her, and I don't make eye contact.

Dax Shepard
Okay. Should I say sorry to her when you see her? Yeah. No, I'm crazy. Apologize for.

I'm so scared. Scared? Stop saying you're scared. I'm not scary. I'm a normal girl.

Okay. I'm not scared. I am fearful that I'm gonna say something that is gonna sound like I'm on one side or another. Okay. And I don't wanna be on one side or the other.

And I'm not thinking. But I was gonna just hypothetically walk through you broaching the topic with her and how difficult that would be, because on one hand, you're going, this will sound so egomaniacal if I bring this up and no one has heard anything. Yep. I'm just saying. So that's exactly.

That's dicey. Yeah. And then also, I think it's a great policy to bring things up with people and see how they feel. Right. So this is a very tricky dynamic.

Lily Padman
The thing is, if I started to apologize, it would be weird. Cause I think the right thing happened. I think taking up an entire section of the sidewalk and not moving is not good. If I were you, and I felt, as you've expressed to me, you feel about it, and I started talking with her, I think I might inadvertently want to say, I would first say, like, I'm sorry, so sorry you guys don't get together anymore. But then I would go, why didn't you just move?

Dax Shepard
Why did you have to break up and not just accommodate the pedestrians? Exactly. And so if that's like probably likely to come out, then maybe that's not a good idea. Maybe. Yeah.

I don't know. Cause then you're just, you're kind of reinstigating the whole thing. I know. But I do want to know that, like, you guys could have just stepped out. Right.

Lily Padman
It would have been the easiest solution. Everyone would have been happy. Right. Anyway, anywho, keep us updated. I want you to take whatever side you want in this life and not be worried about the comments and speak your truth to me.

You normally, you used to.

And I don't think it's, I don't think we are who we are if we don't. Right. But I. Okay. Additionally, many times in life, my point isn't worth me upsetting you.

Dax Shepard
It's not a cost benefit. That works for me. So if I'm going to. I don't like, put you in a terrible mood because I take some position, regardless of the comments, I'm likely to do that math and not touch it. Okay.

You know, there's many things in my household I just stay quiet on. I'll hear debates going on between the three of them. Sure. And I go, I have an opinion here, but I don't. It's not, I don't need to say it.

It's not so vital that I share it. That's fair. And it's not going to make the temperature in this room. Room any better. So why do you.

Lily Padman
I get that at your house and I get it here, too. And I do think I do that, too. But the reality is we're not here to live peacefully in your home like we are doing something. So if you have an opinion. Yeah.

You're allowed to share it. Yeah. And by the way, there's lots of opinions I have that they rise to that burden where it's like I feel very strongly about this to the point where I'd feel like I was betraying myself to not push back about this. And if Monica's mad about it, I'll deal with that. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
But this certainly isn't one of them at all. I guarantee you're doing that for me all the time. Yeah. Yeah, that's it. Well, happy Father's day to you.

Lily Padman
Happy Father's day to you. Thank you. Good job fathering thank you. Very happy with it. Happy with the way it's going.

Dax Shepard
It's been. It's been the single best choice I've ever made. Yeah. Congratulations. Thank you.

All right. Love you, love.

Ilana Glazer

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