Armchair Anonymous: Stalking (Part 2)

Dax Shepard
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Product availability may vary by region C app for details. Welcome, welcome. Welcome to Armchair Anonymous. Boy, I know people are impatiently awaiting this. Part one of stalking was like, we put out doctor death or something.

The comments were like, people screamed. They pulled their car over. It was for a while. That was such a pop out. Oh, my lord.

Yeah, part two delivers, too, and almost made me think that we could have a whole show about stalking, probably, which. Is such a bummer. It is a bummer. I think I was nervous putting out the first one. Cause I'm like.

It was such a rough topic implicit in it as someone scared out of their mind. Cause of somebody. Yeah. But then when I realized, like, no, we love. It's like, murder shows.

Monica Padman
It's true crime. It's true crime. We love true crime. We love true crime. And I hate this crime because it's almost impossible to convict anyone of anything.

That is the through line, for sure. It's like true crime, but maddening true crime. Yes. Yes. Okay, so this is stalking part two.

Dax Shepard
Please enjoy. Hard times come and go good times take them slow my life, I had em both remember one thing you gotta. Know I'm gonna keep on shining hi. How are you? I'm well.

How are you? Good. Where are you? Boston, Texas. Oh, baby.

Dax Shepard
My home away from home. Also, you're in a beautiful fort. A homemade teepee, kinda. Thank you. Lovely.

How long have you been in Austin? 20 years almost. Oh, wow. Okay. You have a stalking story.

Yeah. We don't know what to expect now. Yeah. We're halfway through. We won't make any assumptions.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Yeah. I wanted to preface with, I will end on an upswing. Okay. Thank you.

Good to know. It's gonna get a little low for a bit. Sure. I am gonna go by Skylar, if that's okay. Great.

Skylar. Love it. Connected to goodwill hunting, because that's also my favorite movie. Fuck, yes. Hunting sisters.

Monica Padman
Hunting sisters. Ben and Matt. Yes. So I grew up with a really, really strong, familiar connection. Have a big family.

Everything's wonderful. I have huge, great memories of childhood, I will say that. And I'm very loved. However, there was a bit of a turn, starting from pretty much the beginning of me being able to form a memory. We had someone who would stalk our entire family, including our immediate family.

So myself, my parents, as well as people in our extended family. So she had a job that had access to. This was late eighties, nineties. And was it in Texas? Yes.

I won't reveal where. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Her job gave her access to people's addresses and phone numbers at the time, so she was able to track down our family members and would call obsessively. This was pre caller id, pre cell phones. So this is your home line being obsessively called all hours of the day.

And this is like our whole family. So it escalated to she would come to our homes, we would come out to go to preschool and work, and all the windows in our cars would be smashed. Oh, God. Did she have a connection to you. Guys that will come in.

Monica Padman
Oh, okay. Great, great, great. Okay. It's one of the many twist. Are you latina?

Yes. Okay. Were you thinking this was, like, racially motivated at all, or what was the explanation for why someone would be vandalizing? I really don't know in my child brain what I considered the motivation or how I explained it to myself. And my parents never really full out explained it at this point.

It was just, there's a crazy person, quote unquote, and so I had no idea. So this continues. There's more incidents where she would show up. I was at my grandparents house one day with my little cousin. She showed up with a gun.

Monica Padman
Oh, my God. My uncle and my grandfather had to chase her off the property and eventually got her out. My grandmother had to take me and my cousin into the restroom. Walk us in there. This is so traumatic.

It's a lot. Yeah. We eventually moved. She found us there. When you guys would go to the police, what would the police say?

So the explanation from police is that something physical has to happen. The vandalization, stuff like that. You couldn't prove it. And so she was always gone by the time police would come. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
In the eighties and nineties, the cops were like, well, we gotta catch her murdering you, and then we'll know. That's now, too. Yes. Well, that's one of the things with stopping. It's a rough one.

So we move, we get a nice new house. It's two story. My bedroom's in the front on the second floor. And she would come just to kind of torment us, and especially me. She would come and park in the driveway and shine her lights into my bedroom window.

So, like, I would know she was there. Just an intimidation. It was all just intimidation with, like, slight violence. It got to the point where I was in such an anxious state that I would army crawl along my floor to avoid the windows. And nobody knew I was going through this stuff.

It was just what I did as a child to, like, cope. Nobody really understood anxiety at that time. I think also. Yeah. Or the long term effects of this on your brain.

Yes. We'll also get to that. So there are more incidents that happened. She tried to run my mom and I off the road at one point, and that's actually what got the restraining order. And so we would take her picture to my school, show them, let them know she's never allowed.

I wasn't allowed to play outside alone. I would always have to have an adult around. We had a cul de sac. She would come and park in the cul de sac and just stare while I was outside until I just, like, ran inside. I have a terrible guess of why this is happening, but I'll patiently wait.

Monica Padman
Yeah, I do too. But let's see. Relatively accurate. Yeah. So eventually I start figuring out that dad is a little bit of a womanizer.

Dax Shepard
There we go. Yeah. He is an addict, which I already knew. Does he live with you guys, though? Up until I was about eight, but then things continued.

So on my 11th birthday, which. Capricorn. Boom. Yeah. And also a day after Christmas.

I know you guys mentioned that was. Like, the worst birthday. Bad timing. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Fed's a real fuck you. But I actually really like it. I don't know. I love the fanfare around the time, so. Yes.

We would do this thing every morning of my birthday, after my parents divorce, my dad would come over, we'd watch the news. They would send in my picture and the news would like, show your picture. And like, yeah, that's a pretty good clue of how small of an area you lived in, by the way. That's so cute. So he would come over, we would watch the news and see my picture and celebrate.

And so he comes over, we get a phone call. My mom answers it and she says it's. And it says a name. And I'm like, oh, it's my cousin calling to wish me happy birthday. So I go to the phone, answer it.

She is on the other line. She starts yelling all kinds of crazy things. And it's just like one giant rant of basically me and your daddy had sex and you have a brother. Oh. And so.

Oh my God, she just starts yelling this at me. I scream, 11th birthday. Wait, why did your mom give you the phone when she knew she gave a fake name? Oh, she gave the name of my cousin. So at this time there was caller id, but she would do it to where it came up as out of area.

Monica Padman
Right. Or it would come up as block number. Like a number that wasn't public. Our whole family ended up making our numbers private, you know, and so she lied to get to me, said that. I scream, dad comes running in, yells at her, cusses her out.

You know, they convince me, they sit me down and they say, she's just trying to hurt you. Uh. Oh, boy. It's not true. This is their big opportunity to come.

Monica Padman
Clean and they blow this one year, eleven. It's like they. Oh, God. Oh, wow. Yeah.

So I am convinced this is nothing. It's her trying to hurt me. And I'm like, okay, great, carry on in life. A few months later, sit me down again. CPS had been called on her for my brother.

He was found not in great shape and so they removed him from the home and my dad was going to attempt to have custody. And so at that point they did have to let me know, obviously. Yeah. That I have a three year old brother. Not just a new brother.

A three year old brother. Yeah. You've had one for three years. Ah. So fast forward.

I guess a little bit. This carried on a little bit more. She was a lot more careful about it, especially with everything with my brother in custody. And it was rough because I was almost forced to be around her at times because she would have to come pick up my brother or they had like supervised visitations. I would have to tag along in the car as well.

My dad went and did all this. So it was a lot of just situations that I did not know how to get out of, and I couldn't really comprehend at that time. And just, like, my little childhood brain was not putting it all. No, I don't think the adults in the situation can even manage this level of craziness and stress. Yeah.

And so eventually, things tapered off. I moved to Austin and was, you know, kind of freed in a way. At what age did you go? Early 2020. Okay.

And so moving here really gave me kind of, like, a second lot on things and a freedom to, like, not be afraid of who's around me. Yeah, yeah. I'm a hyper vigilant person. How could you not be? Yeah, yeah, exactly.

And so, you know, I moved here as I was getting older. I started piecing together more and more things from my childhood. And in my twenties and early thirties, it really drove me into, like, a deep kind of depression and anxiety of trying to figure out, like, who do you trust if you couldn't even trust your family growing up? Yes. Who do you trust to feel like your parents lied to you for so much?

Which I know it happens, but also, that was my narrative is, like, everybody goes through shit. And so I just kept saying, like, well, everybody goes through shit. Everybody goes through shit. And then a couple of times in my twenties and, like, early thirties, I talked about what I gone through, and they're like, not everybody goes through that shit. Yes.

Dax Shepard
I know exactly what you're saying. Or you have, like, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, and you're kind of hearing about their childhood, and you're like, oh, okay. Well, boy, they got lucky. Yeah. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah, that sounds really nice. It's weird because it's such a juxtaposition where I had these beautiful experiences in childhood, especially my parents. From the outside, everything looked great. And then even talking to some of my family members, I'll tell them what happened growing up, and even they're kind of unaware of, like, the depth of everything. Yeah.

And so I went through a real ditch for a bit. So I've been a private chef for a while, and I always jam out while I'm cooking because it takes away my anxieties also, and I hadn't listened to the podcast yet. Your podcast came out, Zach, the voice, and your fan. And so that was the first podcast I ever listened to, is when you guys came out, fell in love with you, Monica, and we have, like, a lot of dingles along the way I have literally listened to you guys almost every day for. Since you've been on.

And so I started doing the work, and one day, I was sitting on a beach somewhere that I was private shopping, and a friend had joined me, and we're talking, and I was like, I think I'm ready to start dating again. She was like, are you? And I'm like, yeah, I think so. And so she's like, list out all of your crazy things, like what your dream person is. I list it out.

Few minutes later, I get a message on Instagram from a person who was from my past. And on my list was someone from my past that could come back in and knew me before. I was, like, really, really down, and I was like, I think I've done the work between stalking and lying and all this stuff that really created this anxiety and, like, bubble of unknown for me. Like, I didn't know how to get out. I was like, actually, I've always really liked this person.

This is the person that, like, really outlines everything that I would want. And so fast forward to a couple weeks later. He ends up asking me out on date. We go on our first date, and we reconvened, and now we've been together for almost three years. Yay.

Monica Padman
I love it. This is such a happy.

Yay. Yeah, it's just been a real full circle to be here, I have to say. I had to include that part because really, it's helped me. I've been in therapy for over two years now. Our relationship really brought out a lot of the things that, like, I had pushed down and needed to really work out and the next level of stuff that I needed to work out.

Yeah, I mean, I feel like I would have gotten there eventually, but truly, like, listening to you guys talk and be so open with everything really gave me the confidence and just the support within myself to be able to redefine what I want in life and go for it. Oh, buddy, that's really very cool. I have a really big dream life going on. I'm private chefing all over. I private chef for a lot of your guests and friends.

Monica Padman
Oh, my God. Amazing. I'm, like, heavily NDA bound. It's a dream. Next time we're in Austin, we have to do a chefing.

We need you to come cook for.

I want to eat your food. Yes, I would love you to eat. And also, so my boyfriend, he's also a chef at one of the top restaurants, I think. Chefs over index, invulnerable status, invulnerable girl status. I agree.

Dax Shepard
Yeah. Yeah. I really do. All the chefs I've met, I can. See in them there's anxiety healing happening within cooking.

I think I just had to add, this is so superficial. You look 19. Like when you were saying you've been in Austin for 20 years, I'm like, okay, so you came when you're a baby? Yeah. It's impossible.

I mean, you really look like you're in your early twenties. Yeah. Do you wear sunscreen? No way. Yeah, she does.

Monica Padman
She does. She wears it. Also, I have the filter on here, and I put makeup.

Dax Shepard
I wish we could hug each other right now.

All right, well, we'll have your email from Emma. And for real, if Monica and I are in Austin, we must. Yes, you must cook for Monica. You have to cook. Use you cook Monica, something reciprocal.

Monica Padman
Thank you for chatting with us. Great meeting you. Thank you so much for everything that you do. Bigger than big. Thank you.

Bye. All right, take care. Okay, this reminds me that one time when I was working at UCB, this woman came in and her stalker was. She had a restraining order against him. Uh huh.

Monica Padman
But he was outside. A performer? No, he was just standing outside. She was stuck. She, like, came in, she was like, I don't know where to go.

And I was, like, stuck, 25. To deal with that. To help deal with that. Holy smokes. Hi.

Hi. Hello there. What would you like to go by? You are a woodland nymph. That's immediately obvious.

I feel like that under my desk.

Could you pick a name for me? Okay. I'm gonna go with Ariel. Oh, I like that. Let's go with Ariel.

Dax Shepard
Okay, great. Are you allowed to tell us where you're at, or is that not a great idea? I think it's important to the story. So I live in New York City. I live in Brooklyn, the big city.

You look like a brooklynite. Yeah, I love it. Did Peter pan have a sidekick? Oh, Wendy Tinkerbell. Oh, Tinkerbell.

Yes. There it is. Yeah. I'm wearing green. Is it cause I'm wearing green?

No, it's. You have a very sweet, magical looking face. Oh, thank you. That's the best compliment ever. I'm sincere about this.

Okay, so you're in Brooklyn, and it is relevant to the story. Should I just jump into it? Yeah, just jump in. First of all, after submitting my story to the show, I went back and fact checked a few things, and I've updated a few details. Great.

Okay. My memory of this time period feels hazy, and I think maybe that's a way that my brain is coping, but I'm fine now. Okay, well, it's good to know that. But I have some notes here for that reason, like, to just keep me on track in case I get lost. So this takes place in 2019.

I was 21 years old, and I was living in New York City. I was on Tinder when I met a guy, and I guess we need a fake name for him too. Peter. Peter. What's so weird?

Dax Shepard
I was about to say Peter because Peter van. Okay, so I meet Peter on Tinder, and he's very handsome. Will you quickly tell me? I've never been on those, but Tinder's. What vibe is that one?

Like, let's get together and make out, or let's go on a date or somewhere in between. Yeah, it's definitely more let's make out. So we were both out of long term relationships, so we were looking for something more casual but also fun. Like, we would definitely hang out a lot during the day and go on day trips to different parts of the city. And he was just really fun to be around.

And so we were doing that for a few months. And then one day, I received a DM on Instagram from a girl that I didn't know, and she was asking me if I could meet her that day at a coffee shop in our neighborhood. And so, of course, I had to go find out what this was all about. Okay. Now, you acknowledge some people wouldn't have.

Dax Shepard
And you would have. I would have. Oh, I want to know. The tea? Yeah.

What would you have done, Monica? God. Probably not, right? Probably not. But I probably would have been like, I don't want to meet you, but what is this regarding?

I had a feeling. Yeah, okay. My gut was like, I know what this is about. So I went and met her and a third girl and a fourth girl who was joining us on FaceTime. Cause she couldn't make it there in person.

Monica Padman
Okay. Yep. Oh, he's got a real scandal going. It's impressive, actually. This is a class action lawsuit.

It is impressive. It's like, how are you juggling all. This for real, though? And they basically lay out for me what had been going on, which is that he was seeing all of us simultaneously and for other girls who couldn't be there in person either. So you were kind of the most recent acquisition.

I don't know. To this day, I don't know how many more people there were. The gist that I got was like, he was waking up in one girl's bed, going to hang out with another for the day, then going to a third sleep at her place. He was just, like, a drifter and just always lived. One of us.

Dax Shepard
Three months. You were together three months? Exclusive ish. So it was a little more than three months. It must have been, like, four or five, I want to say.

And we hadn't said that we were exclusive, but we were spending, like, it felt like we were getting there eventually. For some of these girls, they actually had decided to be exclusive. So he was definitely in the wrong. Lines were crossed, yes. We also found out that he'd been lying about being a student and going to a school.

That seemed really kind of dark to me, but I guess. How would you have time to go to school if you're doing all this? Well, it sounds like school is just an excuse to buy himself time to be away from the other eight girls. Like, oh, I have class on this day. What was the age gap?

Dax Shepard
Was there an age gap? He was about four years older than me, but, yeah, very good excuse. Perfect excuse. So I called him, and I confronted him, and I was like, please never contact me again. That was weird behavior.

Then later that day, when I got back to my apartment, he was sitting on the stoop. He really wanted to talk about it because he insisted it was all a big misunderstanding. So I gave him, like, 510 minutes, nodding my head, not believing anything he's saying. I go back up into my apartment, and I think I'm never gonna see him again. But that was not the case.

For the next few days, he would be on my stoop, walking by my building or hanging around on the street that I lived on. Had you ever been to his house? I had. Yeah. He has a place to live.

Okay, technically, he was also blowing up my phone, like, just constantly calling me to the point where I couldn't use my phone. Cause it was getting hot. And then I blocked him, and he would just continue to do that through no caller. And then one night, I watched him sit on the sidewalk across the street in the pouring rain and just cry. It's very dramatic.

Dax Shepard
We are supported by squarespace. Guys, we have a squarespace website that. It's just gorgeous. That wabi wab, you built that yourself using all the templates? Yeah, I sure did.

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With Squarespace blueprint. Plus, you can kickstart or update written content on any website, product description or email with Squarespace AI, head to squarespace.com for a free trial and save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain with the code. Dax, we are supported by Betterhelp. Listen, I understand that sometimes you want to keep things to yourself, process your emotions in your own time, but if you keep everything bottled up, it can have some serious consequences. I have therapy on Saturday.

Monica Padman
I'm really looking forward to it. I had therapy this morning. Yeah, you did. Yeah. And it put me in the greatest mood.

Dax Shepard
We had a long, big day, and I just felt much better for having. Not to out you. You were a little grumpy going in. I was. I was.

I was to be. So, Robin, I received some texts. Yeah, I was locked out of my therapy setting, which is this attic. But then you felt much better after? I felt much better, and I even made some apologies.

Talking things out can be so helpful. And if you want a safe space for that conversation, I recommend therapy. Check out betterhelp. If you've been thinking of trying therapy, it's entirely online, convenient, and flexible. It's also easy to get started.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can even switch therapists at any time for any reason for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with betterhelp. Visit betterhelp.com dax today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelph h dash e dash p.com dax.

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That was exactly the story he was trying to tell me. Yeah. Hard to know. Also possible. It doesn't matter.

Dax Shepard
Doesn't matter? Yeah, she doesn't matter. She's not interested in being with someone who would ever do that, of course. Doesn'T even matter, but is also interesting and relevant. It is interesting.

Yeah. Yeah. Because there's two versions of this. He's going to all eight of them and saying they're the ones. And crying, or Ariel is the one that he's like, oh, fuck.

My behaviors caught up with me, and I'm about to lose a girl that I actually am in love with. I'm a sex addict, but I'm in love with. I don't know. It doesn't matter. You're not gonna be with them.

But it's also interesting. My theory now is that he saw me as, like, an easy target because I had a lot of empathy. I'm naive. I was younger than the other girls. Okay, okay.

And so him crying on the sidewalk, definitely looking back now, I'm like, that was a great way to manipulate me. Pulling at my heartstrings. Yeah. And I think I made the mistake in the beginning of trying to talk to him and reason with him. I begged him to just cut it out and go home.

I tried asking kindly. I tried asking angrily. I tried reaching out to his mom, his dad, just asking them if they could talk to him and his friends, and nothing seemed to be working. So I tried a new tactic, which was, I'm going to ignore him. Yeah.

Dax Shepard
Which they say, and we probably should've said this much earlier in this episode, but they say the number one technique for a stalker is to absolutely cut off all communication because. Right. They can use anything as confirming that you are still interested. Even if you're like, fuck off. I hope you die.

They'll go, like, they still care. Look how passionate they are. Definitely a mistake I made at the beginning and I would never do again. So I stopped even asking him to leave me alone. I just pretended he didn't exist.

And I thought that maybe if I gave him zero attention, he'd have nothing to feed off of, and maybe he'd get bored and just give up and go home. But things just got worse. He started showing up at the subway station near my job. I used to work in retail. And then near the subway station near my apartment, I would be in a train car.

I could feel him staring at me from the other train car. And I would just pretend like he wasn't there. Like, I would pretend like I didn't know he was following me. Oh, God. And then he'd pull the whole, like, calling my job and just breathing into the phone multiple times a day, which I'm assuming was him.

Because I don't know anyone else. Yeah, it was definitely him. Safe to say that ignoring him was not going well. And then one night, I got off the train after getting off of work, and I was walking home in the dark, and he just sort of appeared. Kept my head down, and I was just trying to, like, walk faster, just get home as fast as I can.

And like I said, the ignoring him was not working. And it turns out it just made him mad. And eventually, I was just full on sprinting, and he was chasing me. No. What was the duration from the breakup till the chasing at night?

Probably three weeks. That was the night I actually decided to file a police report and get a temporary order of protection. I thought that it would be enough to make him stop, but it seemed like there was no impact on his behavior whatsoever. Even the temporary response restraining order. Yeah, that's when I got scared.

I wasn't really scared until that point where I'm like, oh, you're so crazy. That's not even gonna stop you. Like, you don't care. Oh, my God. And then his actions just seemed to get more bold.

He would come into my apartment building and knock on my door and try to talk to me through my apartment door. He threw rocks at my window at night, and he started to message and harass my family and friends, which is where I was, like, drawing the line, like, you shouldn't message my younger sister. That's crazy. So I lost track of how many times he was arrested for breaking the order of protection just because I would call them whenever something like this would happen, especially when I saw him outside on my stoop and I needed to go to work or go somewhere, but whenever they'd get there, usually he'd already be gone, and there was nothing they could do. Sometimes they would catch him around the corner trying to get away or whatever, but he was arrested so many times, and I'm sure I racked up I don't know how many felonies at that point, because it had turned from temporary order protection to a more serious one.

Every time he was arrested, he would just be released and be back doing the same thing after 24 hours, like, four days max. And I know when he was out because my phone would just start blowing up again. Oof. Oof. I think maybe he was able to do this because his family is pretty wealthy and they had political connections.

I'd like to have more faith in our system, but I think that definitely played a large. Well, that certainly answers a question I had about how is he supporting himself. He clearly can't have a job and have this sex addiction and the stalking. Yeah. Mommy and daddy.

Monica Padman
Ugh. And you told the parents? So they're in the know about this? They knew exactly what was going on, and I had tried to reason with them. Like, I think at one point I was like, I'll do anything.

I'll drop the charges if you can just make him stop. It's ruining my life right now, and I just need to, like, get up and go to my job and go to classes. Like, I have a life that I need to be living. And I was trying to do that as well normally as I could, but it was so disruptive and time consuming. Did you stay in touch with any of the gals you had had this coffee with to find out if they too were being stalked by him?

I was. They were not experiencing any of this. I don't think he would have had time for two, but, yeah, he surprised me before. Right. The detective assigned to my case would give me rides to work some mornings, and then there would be, like, a patrol car parked outside my apartment for hours.

It seems like they were, like, working in shifts, but it didn't stop after another one of those incidents. I was in my kitchen with a police officer and was like, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but, like, this isn't the first time that he's done this. He has a history of this sort of behavior. So that was also really scary. I'm like, okay, not only does he not care about it now, he's never cared about it.

And then around this point is when he started to post these concerning social media posts, like, photos on his story, where he's definitely on top of the Williamsburg bridge and looking down on the water. And then he posted a photo from the roof of a building, like, looking down at the sidewalk. And it took me a second to realize that was my building. It was on top of my roof. No.

Dax Shepard
Oh, fuck. I called the police. I explained to them, he's on my roof. Can you please, like, help me? And when they arrived, they couldn't find him on top of the roof, and they got annoyed with me.

They're like, you're taking time away from other things that are happening. Kind of made it seem like I was being dramatic and looking for attention. But then that same night, he was arrested for breaking and entering into a building two buildings down from mine, which I didn't know about until, like, a few days later. And then one night, I was home alone because it was winter break. And both of my roommates were back with their families.

And I was in bed. The lights were off. I was trying to go to sleep, and I start hearing tapping at my window. And I had a fire escape right outside my window. Oh, no.

So I knew probably what was happening, and my plan was like, I'm gonna lay here and ignore it and play dead. The lights are not being turned on. He needs to think that I'm not here. But then I could hear him getting into the window somehow. Like, I don't know how he managed to open it.

It seemed like it was like a knife or something, but it was an old building, so it probably wasn't that hard. And then I ran to the kitchen to get a knife with no intention to actually use it. I was just like, I'm gonna have this in my hand so that he knows I'm serious. As he, like, comes through the window. I'm like, I've called 911.

They're on their way. You need to exit through the front door of my apartment. And I'm, like, escorting him out with the knife in my hand, which I was surprised by how easy it was to do that when you had a knife in your hand. He complied. How bold you could be, right?

And very creepy, like, still trying to talk to me, telling me that he loved me and, like, all this weird stuff. And then when he left, I think I was so tired at that point, I didn't even call the police because what are they gonna do when they get here? He's not here. They're gonna make it seem like I was looking for attention again around mid December now. So all this had been going on for quite some time.

Dax Shepard
Mid December of what year? 2019. 2019. Okay. I woke up one morning and I saw that I had no missed caller id calls.

And I was like, whoa, what's happening? I opened my Instagram to find a post from one of his best friends, and it was like a tribute post. It was like, rest in peace, Peter. My God. Yeah.

Monica Padman
I had a feeling. That's how I, like, my stomach dropped. And I went and I looked at his most recent Instagram post, and it had 30 plus comments from friends and even his younger brother. And they're writing things like, you will be missed. And his younger brother had commented, rest in heaven, big bro crying emoji.

I love you. Oh, my gosh. So I'm completely distraught. Like, I have never lost someone similar in age and that I knew, and I had to go stay with my parents for a week and just try to process everything. And I didn't leave my bed.

And I was at the same time feeling a lot of denial. Like, this can't be real. But I know that's also part of grieving. So I was refreshing my Google search for obituaries for Peter and eventually actually reached out to his mom, and I offered my sincere condolences, and she thanked me. And then I called his dad, who was divorced from his mom and expressed my condolences, and he had no idea what I was talking about.

Monica Padman
What? Oh, my God. So I start to realize, like, oh, this is fucked up. I text his mom, and all I say is that I spoke with Peter's dad, period. And she sends me a text which is definitely not intended for me.

It's intended for Peter. No. And I have a screenshot of it. It says, obviously he must have said that he is unaware something happened to you. She just trumped us, which was pretty sneaky.

If your father doesn't know, it means it's not true. You see? It's backfiring. As I told you. What in the flying fuck?

Monica Padman
He faked his death. Well, and the brother's in on it and the mom's in it. What kind of fucking twisted family is this? I never texted back to her or anything. Like, I just left it at that.

I was like, wow, that's a whole new level of crazy. And after, like, a week and a half of me bawling my eyes out. Yes. And probably feeling weird guilt, even though you should never. But, oh, blaming myself, being like, oh, my God, if not for me, this person would probably still be alive for a week and a half.

That's a long time. You're a better person than me. If I would have woke up to no thing and I saw he killed himself, I'd be like, thank fucking God. I would feel relieved. And then I would feel a lot of guilt about feeling relieved.

Dax Shepard
I would have felt happy, and I would have strutted on the street and whistled. And I'm like, yeah, it was him or me. And it was him. Victory fuck. This isn't insane.

Me now would do that. I trusted people. I think that's what feels so weird about that. So as soon as that happens, the no caller id starts right back up. And I have to go back to Brooklyn.

I need to go to work because I need to pay my rent. And I'm so tired that when the detective is like, there's not much else we can do for you. Like, we know how this plays out. We've seen it before. It doesn't go well for you?

Dax Shepard
Did they advise you to get a gun at any point? No, they didn't. Why don't they arrest him permanently? I can't with the justice system. And even if they did, what would that do for him?

He needs help. Yeah, but he can't be out on the street doing this to people, harming people. Yeah. And their recommendation was, you need to relocate. And I'm like, great.

So how do I pay for that? Because I need to break a lease. I need to move things. Are you gonna pay for that? And they're like, no, but you can reach out to these domestic violence shelters.

And I did. And obviously there's people on those lists that need help way faster. So I didn't have time like that. So I ended up selling a lot of my stuff, like, my whole closet and using my savings and breaking my lease and getting out of there. He did still continue to bother me even after I moved back to my parents for, like, maybe a few months.

But over time, it just slowed down. And then July 7, 2021, is when he pleaded guilty to all the charges and the court sentenced him to participate in, like, a mental health program. However, because of COVID I don't actually know if he ever had to do it. Whoa. So you're still kind of living with this?

He's out there. Oh, my God. I don't feel scared of him anymore or the situation. Do you spy on him at all? Like, with a phantom account?

I don't even want to go there. There was a few other incidents that are notable that happened since I moved back to my parents on January 23, 2021, I got a call from my da, and it was like, have you heard from him? Because he is a missing person right now. And I think what happened was that he was pulling the fake death thing again on someone else. Cause they found him a few days later.

Fuck. This is wild and terrifying. It's crazy. Yeah. When I'm talking about it, I don't really feel like it's real.

Monica Padman
You're probably disassociated of it, from it, which you have to for survival. I hate to prescribe. The source of the problem is a man. But I also think if we could get some renegade buck in there, like me, who's just dying to defend somebody, can we get, like, a watchdog? Could you fall in love with a hillbilly?

Who could I call? I need a service for that. Honestly? Yeah. I volunteer.

Dax Shepard
Like, I wanna be there, and I wanna see him on the thing, and I wanna go out there and just beat the fuck out of him. When he comes back, I'll beat the fuck out of him again. And after twelve or so ass beatings, I feel like that might be the only solution left. Cause the cops aren't helping, so maybe it's time for some bounty law. I actually saw him in person once, so I moved back to New York City.

I wanted to finish my degree, and I got all that done. But it was the summer of 2022, and I was sitting in Bryant park having a snack on a bench of nowhere. Like, I wasn't even thinking about him. I just had this, like, intense feeling that he was about to walk in on my right hand side. In my head, I counted down.

I was like, 4321. And he walks into the park. He sits down on a bench near me. In my head. I'm like, I expected this, so I'm not surprised.

But I'm also, like, scared. And I'm just glaring at him though, like, with rage. And he looks at me, realizes who it is, and, like, gets up and walks away so fast. And he looked really scared. I'm inclined to try to make sense of all that.

Dax Shepard
And you just can't make sense of what's going on in someone. Like, that's head. Yeah. There's no predicting. Wow.

Monica Padman
What a story. Oh, man. Oh, boy. Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry all that fucking happened.

I know it's so corny, but I'm much better because of it. I needed to learn a lot of things that I got out of that. Well, that's a very glass half full takeaway. I have to be that way. You did not deserve it.

Dax Shepard
You all have to be taught that lesson by the universe. Fuck. I'm so sorry. It's okay. Really, it is.

I mean, it's not that he's doing that probably to still other people, and I feel a weird responsibility that he's still out there doing it. That way you've done everything that can. Be done, literally everything and more. This is part of the whole problem. And then you are left feeling shitty.

Dax Shepard
Oh, yeah. I have that guilt. If I would have been honest about the dude who molested me, I probably would have prevented other people who have been molested. But it's like, I can't carry that, man. It was too young.

I need to save myself. Yeah. It's gonna be so destructive in my head. Well, thank you so much for sharing that. That story.

Dax Shepard
That was terrible. Yeah, it's a terrible story. But I like it though. Oh, yeah. Thank you for listening I honestly don't tell the story a lot, usually because I feel like it's kind of unbelievable or it makes me sound crazy or I just don't want it to, like, affect my career or anything.

So this is, like, the perfect kind of place to tell it. Thank you. Yes. Thank you so much. Well, I will say this.

Dax Shepard
You still very much have your Tinkerbell energy, and I'm very glad that that wasn't ruined. Yeah. Still there. Yeah, it's very much shining bright. That means a lot.

All right, well, nice meeting you. Thank you for telling us about it. Nice to meet you. Okay. Take care.

Monica Padman
The world is scary. Those were doozies, man. Well, listen, this is what fucking sucks. The stark reality of that is that was four women we talked to. Well, exactly.

Dax Shepard
And it's so fucking scary to be a woman on this planet. And I'm so sorry. It is. Oh, I shouldn't have interrupted that. Cause you're right.

Monica Padman
And thank you. And also, there were a few men who sent in, but then they didn't respond when Emma reached back out. Yeah. It's not to say it doesn't happen. Women stalk men for sure, but the threat level is much different.

They're probably not chasing you down the street. And in fairness, one of the stalkers. Was a woman, but she wasn't the scary one. The affair woman. The woman.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're right. Yeah. Everyone can go crazy.

Dax Shepard
I just think the threat level is a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I can't believe she played dead. Oh, the brother posed.

Monica Padman
Oh, my God. Don't have no sympathy for that dude. But at least it's illuminating. Like, well, sure, he's the product of a family that would all be in on this thing. The mom's definitely conkers.

Dax Shepard
No wonder the dad splits. Yeah. Jesus. Oh. All right, well, you tell me the second something like this happens to you, Monica, and I won't.

We're not gonna be a second. Somebody. Knock on wood, please. Okay, but I'm just telling you, don't go to the cops. Come to me.

Marshall law. Cops are. Okay. Wow. I'm sorry.

Their hands are bound. Like, if you don't commit a crime. How is it not committing a crime? It's harassment. It is.

Monica Padman
I mean, he did go to jail. They just kept letting him out. Like, at what point? I guess you have to be dead in order to send someone to jail. That's.

Oh, my God. Anyway, okay. It's very stressful. All right? I'm stressed.

Dax Shepard
Okay, say something positive, though. Let's end on something positive. Everything's bad. Bye. All right.

I love you. Wow. That was a doozy. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know a theme song.

Oh, okay, great. We don't have a theme song for this new show. Here I go. Go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of arm cherries, we'll get some suggestions.

On the fly rhyme dish. On the fly rhyme dish. Enjoy.

Armchair Anonymous: Stalking (Part 2)

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction

2: Victim Narratives

3: Legal and Psychological Insights

4: Conclusions and Reflections

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

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Content Warnings:

Transcript