E505 Merging

Theo Von
I want to announce that we have a show in Cork, Ireland, now on June 9 at live at the marquee, New York City, New York. May 31, Belfast, London, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City and Las Vegas, Nevada. There 4 July weekend. We'll be there in Las Vegas, Nevada for two nights at Resorts World. You can get all tickets@theovon.com tour and thank you for your support.

And if tickets are too expensive, make sure you're not buying them on a secondary site. You got to do that. That's why we suggest go through the website. And if they're too, if they're, if they're sold out or something and they're expensive on secondary sites, just hold the line. We'll come back through some other time.

I love you guys, baby. Thank you. All right, check, check chicken. Check your chicken, baby. Check your chicken.

God. How do you know if a chicken is a woman? I guess if it has an egg, huh? But now there's definitely, there's gotta be a lot of dude chickens like, that will just like hide an egg under their little chicken arm or whatever it's called. Little flat, like feather chicken arm.

There's gotta be a lot of little. And they hide, and then when they, and then they sneak over by the women chickens and they just kind of sneak it out. A lot of dude chickens trying to get over there and just hang out with the babe chickens. So there's gotta be a lot. That's the thing.

It's like you don't even a man chicken. Maybe you just look it in its eyes, you know, say, are you a man chicken or not?

But yeah, I think there's gotta be a lot of female chickens that are men, that are closeted men or whatever, or that are just hiding an egg. And then when nobody's looking, they just lay that bitch down and then pretend that they're women and sit over there with the women chickens and watch my 700 pound wake border or whatever. I don't even know what some of the shows that women are watching now. I think my 600 pound dental assistant or whatever, there's like all, there's like, yeah, there's a show the other day. It was like my 440 pound mail man or whatever.

Like, dude, if that, you're never getting your mail. If that's who is helping you out, that you are, you're not getting any mail. So.

But yeah, that's the thing now, you don't, a lot of chickens, you don't know if they are real chickens. You don't know who's being a woman chicken who's being just a sneaky man chicken, hiding an egg under its little wing or whatever. That's the word, wing. Yeah, you don't know who's hiding a little egg under its wing. And then it just sneaks over there by the women and is just like.

And just drops that bitch off, baby. Like they're one of Easter's little hitmen, baby. They're just. That's a lot of men in disguise, being women nowadays, all over. So, yeah, like that trans.

It's like that trans swimmer at the Penn State or whatever, or University of Pennsylvania. It's like that trans swimmer. That's the kind of chickens they have nowadays. A lot of men chickens are sneaking into women's chicken worlds and being women's chickens because it's easier, probably. That's why, I would guess.

And maybe because they get a little bit more attention.

And some of that makes sense. It's like, if we don't get. If men don't get any attention for being men, if they're not rewarded anymore for being mentally, then they will. Some will slink over to woman, to being a woman, just to still get attention. Because even as creatures, I believe that we need attention as male or female creatures.

What's up, guys? Welcome to the podcast. Sorry it's been a while since I've done a solo episode. There's a couple reasons. One, it was just.

We started getting more guest opportunities, and so that was nice. And then two, I was just kind of exhausted, I think, like, burnt out. And so it was hard for me to get into a space where I just felt like I could just have a fun, normal conversation or where I could just drop into my thoughts or feelings easily. Every week was just. Everything was just kind of like a lot.

And I do want. I honestly want to apologize for that. Not like I need to apologize for it, but this is the kind of stuff that's most important to me, is having episodes like this and just solo episodes. And so I'm going to do a better job of that. I'm not going to put, like, a number on myself or anything, but I'm going to do a better job of keeping that going over the rest of the year.

So I'm looking forward to that. And as always, you can hit the hotline if there's something going on. 664-9503 is the hotline number.

Yeah, we hit 500 episodes. That's. Fuck, I can't. That's 500 episodes, dude. That's unreal.

Let me look back at one of the first episodes. Here we go. Let's listen to the beginning of the first episode. Wow, dude. It was seven years ago, and this is this past weekend.

It's the first one I ever done. The first one. I'm seeing how it goes. I'm literally sitting in my closet right now in. In my apartment in Los Angeles.

I hung some blankets up on the walls. I don't even know if that's how you make a sound area for recording. I have a luggage bag laying on its side like it was a casualty of war. And then I have this microphone sitting on top of it. Yeah.

Wow. That's wild. That's wild, man. Just to think that we got to 500 episodes, and you just said that that's how it began, was in that closet. Just a little fella in the closet, dude.

And that is not a euphemism, bro. That was. I just audio documented the fact that it was actually a man physically in a closet. A straight man. Yeah.

And I turned over a piece of luggage, and I set the camera or the audio mic up on top of it, and it was just an audio podcast. Yeah. And then there was. I remember we had the first jingle. If we can play that, the intro.

Let me find it here. Um, at the beginning of this episode, this was our early intro right here. Welcome to this past weekend. This past weekend. Welcome to this past weekend.

Let's connect that. Boom, boom. What's up, you chinchillarellas? Bienvenidos este fin de semana passado. This past weekend?

Yeah. So at some point, I started taping in my kitchen, and. And that was for six months. For six months, I was taping in my kitchen, and we had some producers that we met. That I met online.

I don't even remember, I don't think. Did you come help me in my kitchen, Nick? Yeah, one time. Oh, you did? Wow.

Um. Thank you. Um, yeah, we did it in the kitchen for about six months. And I remember I would stay up for a while in the beginning, I would just edit it myself and put it up, and then I would keep my girlfriend up. She's like, what are you doing?

And I'd be sitting there just making sure everything made sense online. Uh, that was pretty wild. And then there was a guy. There was a company called Gray Block Pizza, and I met the owner, Thomas, and he started advertising. He was our first advertiser on the podcast.

This was the ad read right here. This week's episode brought to you by gray block Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles on the way to the beach, you headed to the sunshine. You want some sand in your feet on the way there? Stop in. Get that italian mouthful, you know, gray block.

Get that hitter. And he said, you should get a studio. He said, with the ad money, you should get a studio. And then that's what we did. So the fighter and the kid had an old studio.

We took their old spot. They had moved to a bigger one next door. And then we started getting more regular guests. We got Chris Ryan came in and Jay Moore, Jeannie Bust, Dustin Poirier, Dee snider. We had Eddie Bravo, Jamie Kennedy.

Yeah, a lot of just early heroes that showed up uneven Steven, he was a homeless guy. And, yeah, it just continued to build from there. We had a blind person. Come on. Michael Bisping came in there.

Jordan Peterson came in. Who else? Bobby Lee. It just kept going. Or we just kept doing it, you know, there were times when it was good and times when it wasn't going good or it was always going good.

It was just going. That's really the truth. And we just kept doing it. We just kept doing it. And I've had a great group of producers over the years that have helped.

Nick Davis was really the starting producer, and he's back with us now. Zach Powers is one of our lead producers now. Colin Reiner, Ben Becker. Ari Manus has stepped in to help produce episodes. When we're traveling on the road, this guy Chris, shy Chris, we called him.

Really amazing dude. My buddy Sherb, there was this dude for a little while, we were in between studios, and I would tape at his studio at night, and he overdosed a few years ago. But I keep him in my heart, man. He's a guy that helped me get through weeks where there wouldn't have been an episode. There was times.

I remember I did it in my car a few times in the middle of the night in a driveway somewhere in Illinois. One time I needed to get an episode out. All right, I'm coming to you live from a Nissan sentra about 20 miles from the nearest Internet. It is dark out here, dude. I mean, you can't.

You can't see nothing. I mean, the devil could be just smelling the cinnamon stains on your skin, and you wouldn't know he's right next to you. And then just. People sort of would make beautiful art. And really, there was just.

It's just been a really amazing world, and I'll have to go over some of that in the future. There's a guy that made these really cool cards, and he would whenever we would do an episode, he would do an outline, like a stitching or whatever. A stitching of the person, the guest who'd been on, and he made a great collection of those for us. I'll make sure to put it in on the youtubes so you can see it. But we moved into another studio, and we were there for a few years, and then finally, we're in even a new studio now.

And so it's just been a. It's been an evolution, and it's been really crazy, you know? And it's been, you know, it's something that really started, like, just. It was kind of just talking about stuff and then guys connecting about things. A lot of fellas, and sometimes even women were connecting, you know?

I remember one woman called in once, and a man had, like, touched her. She had her and her guy, like, they were dating, and some fella had touched her vagina in a empty refrigerator box. And that was just. That's when I knew, like, we were definitely onto something. You know, we were doing something right just cause there was an element of mystery there.

There was, like, an. A missing appliance. There was sexual touching. There was sexual tension. It was, you know, and I think she was even a redhead, and there was.

So it was. I remember that moment was pretty solid.

Other moments, the fellow that got hit by the train, Dalton, I think was his name. I remember that baby. Two trains. And he even said. He said, look, if God wants that train to hit me again, I'm ready.

I'm ready to be hit again by a locomotive. And I knew that's how I just said, damn, we're really doing something here, you know? And, yeah, it's just been a special time. It's been amazing to have this opportunity. And I don't know if I'm just sounding like.

Just like a. Like a mechanical bull or whatever.

Yeah. This pocket is just giving me so many more opportunities than I ever thought, you know, it's given me opportunities to talk with. With strangers about stuff that's real. It's given me the opportunity to talk with people I really look up to and admire, with stuff that's real and not real and fun. It's given me a chance to learn a lot about myself, and, yeah, that's what I wanted to be moving forward.

And, uh, I wanted to do a solo episode sooner for episode 500, but it just didn't shake out that way, and I didn't stress myself about it. I didn't go over, like I got, you know, I just said, look, when, when the time is right, it'll be. You'll get it right. And even today, we started out an hour and a half late because there was some technical issues here. But that's okay.

Here we are, you know, and, um. And I'm just. Yeah, I just want to say thank you to everybody for just listening, contributing. So many people I run into, they're like, man, I sent in a voicemail, or I did this or I did that and, and I try to get back to as many as we can and, you know, it's just been a lot, it's been a lot to learn as things have gotten busier and just some of the fun moments we've gotten to have and some of the real moments. And, yeah, this podcast has just given me a lot of life.

It's given me a job to go to every week, which I think has probably kept me off of, probably using drugs sometimes because I knew I had to be here the next day or I knew I had to be ready for a guest. So just thank you for tuning in, man. You guys, I think, you know, honestly, I think there's times where you guys have saved my life. Cause I know that just having that one thing on the docket, like, okay, I'm gonna be able to, you know, I can't go out. I can't do this tonight.

I gotta work tomorrow. And looking forward to my work, looking forward to being able to meet up and be here and. Yeah, and we want the show to evolve and be different. Worked really hard in the last year or two to try to spend my spare time going to meet guests and have conversations, get to talk with some of my heroes as they've gotten older. And it's just, yeah, just thank you.

Thank you to everybody who's contributed in some way, whether it be a call or listening or a message, or just being a human being and letting me just exist in your ears at some point, whether you liked what I had to say or didn't. Just thanks for letting me visit with you for a little. And I mean that, man, I love you guys. And, yeah, that's how I feel. I don't wanna make a crazy thing out of it, but everybody kept saying, it's 500, who you gonna have on?

You know, people are like, who you gonna have on, dude? Teddy Ruxpin, right? Pikachu. But yeah, you should have Theodore Roosevelt on, you should have Amelia Earhart on, you should have on Jack and Jill. Rob Ford punk.

Satani Phil. Uncle Phil. Frederick Douglass, right? Who you gonna have people. Everybody.

Who you gonna have on? You know, the aurora borealis, you know, everybody just had a different idea. You know, have on a truck dealer, you know, have on elon. Have on da baby. Everybody had a different idea.

Have on Kai sana. Have on Kaisena. All of them. Get them all on. They said.

And I said, well, I don't know. And then it came and went, and then now here we are, and I don't even know what episode it is. 500 and something. But I'm grateful to be here with you guys, man. I'm grateful to be here.

Maybe just a gaggle of pigeons, you know? That's what I am sometimes, dude. I looked at a damn pigeon the other day, and let's be honest, bro, these bitches are.

They don't have any shoulders, bro, right? So right out the gate, you know, they fucking probably, you know, they're lying about a lot of shit, and they just kind of. They fucking. They look like they've been smoking, too. A lot of pigeons are just doves that.

That, uh. Smoke. That's it. Dude, if you want to know what smoking will do to your lungs, look at a dove and then look at a pigeon, baby. Look at a fucking pigeon.

Dude, pigeons are just doves that, you know, probably were raised in Philadelphia or something. Dude, don't lie to me that pigeons aren't from Philadelphia, okay? And New Jersey, you could look at a pigeon easy, dude. They're all. You know, there's like, 70 videos of pigeons trying to smoke online.

You telling me that's a coincidence? Get smacked, homie. Them bitches are from Jersey and Philly. They can't even fly. Some of them walked down to New Orleans in Houston, and they're down there sipping out of puddles, you know, eating gum.

There's a picture of a pigeon eating gum online. There's a video of a pigeon eating gum. They don't give a fuck, dude. They can't fly. Imagine watching a pigeon walk.

They walk at night because they're, I think, ashamed of kind of how their body is. But a lot of them walk at night down south to fucking party. Cause you know, every puddle in New Orleans has booze in it. Them fucking puddles are twelve proof, homie. Dude, you hit a pothole, bro, and your fucking.

Your tire will be like.

Your tire will want another sip. Your tire will cruise into another pothole just to get another little slurp off that twelve proof water, baby. Everything down there got booze in it. Yeah. Every pigeon should have to wear an eagle's jersey.

That's a fact. Every pigeon should have to wear an eagle's jersey, dude, I was at the doctor the other day. I saw a pigeon there. What kind of bird goes to the doctor? Not one of God's birds, buddy.

Pigeons. Dirt birds, dick. Chickens.

That's all they are, bro. That's all they are. Pigeons, menthol, spunk hens, park oysters, dude. That's all they are, is damn land oysters.

That's what they are. So we gotta recognize that kind of shit. And just so you just gotta recognize if you. Some guy the other day was showing his.

That he was showing his son a pigeon, and I was like, that's. You don't show your son a pigeon. Okay? You don't. You don't show your son a pigeon.

You show your son a damn eagle or an egret or a flamingo, dude, a gay egret. But you don't show your son a pigeon unless you're lazy. You take your son to the damn dove park. Take him out, drive behind a church, and when the doves get off work, introduce your son to a decent bird, you piece of shit. Sorry, and I'm sorry about that language, but, yeah, I saw some guy the other day introducing his son to a couple pigeons in a park.

Fucking. A lot of pigeons are bookies. Look under their wing. Jets minus seven, it'll say. So what's been going on?

Hit the hotline, man. Let me know. I want to know who listens, you know? I want to know who listens to the show. We had a call that came in right here.

Hey, me, my twin brother and my cousin are all mailmen. And you've been doing the series where, you know, you did the garbage man and, you know, a police officer. You know, if you want to do a mailman, let us know, you know? We're more than welcome. You know, we come down, we'll take care of business.

That's all I'm saying. Okay, listen. I named my son, my second son, Theo, after you because you are just the funniest person I've ever heard. Well, I'll say this, brother, thank you, first of all, for delivering mail, right? Delivering mail.

Theo Von
And it used to be, actually, a lot of mail. Men were really tough men. You would see them with knee pads on elbow pads, eating creatine, and they would roll into the neighborhood and really deliver some mail. That's back when there was tons of mail. Every mailman looked like Santa.

Everyone. And they'd roll up and they'd knock on the door and the women would be home, and they'd say, you want some of this male. And it was a euphemism. It could have meant, you want some of this masculine energy. Do you want some of this man to come in with this little man wand on him and just hogwarts that frickin little ku cha, that little cuda, that cuda that stay at home?

Or it also meant, do you want some mail? Do you want information from the outside world? Do you want perfume samples? Do you want the government to be harassing you? Do you want a.

You're late for your Verizon bill. Do you want mail? And there was a lot of options through the mail at that time. Thank you. I'm glad to know that you guys are mail men.

And I love that. I love that, dude. This is almost the saving private ryan of letter carrying right here, that you don't let your brother go out into that communication war zone alone. That's what I love about it. Cause a lot of people, they're like, yeah, my brother's a mailman.

Like, your brother's a mail. And what, you're not out there with him. You're not out there monitoring work in the flank, seeing if dogs are attacking him, you know, you're not out there helping, giving him guidance. There's a ring camera. There's a bee's nest.

There's a angry resident. You're not out there. We got FedEx on the left. Fedex on the left. No.

What? Ups just rolled in aboard. Mayday. Mayday. We got you.

Oh, my God. Dhl is here. Who the fuck are they? You gotta be out there with your brother. You don't send your brother to do mail by himself.

So I love that. But I want to know who listens to the podcast. 985-664-9503 as always, you can hit the hotline and just. Just say, hey, my name is blank, and I am a blank, and I listen to the podcast. That's all you got to say?

Give. I just want to know who's out there, if somebody's out there. If you're door to door salesman, if you are a preacher, if you are a someone who carries children for moms that can't, if you are a electrician, if you're an arborist like my brother, a tree climber, a tree cutter, if you are a nurse, like my sister, if you are an Amazon delivery person like my mother. Um, yeah, just. What do you do?

I would just like to know. Uh, yeah. Whew. Sorry. I don't know if I've seen all over the place, dude.

I just haven't done this in a while. It feels new, you know? It's almost like wearing a condom, dude, to be honest with you. You know? And so I don't know who said that.

Damn, AI.

What else do we have going on? I thank you, Ian. And thank you for delivering that mail. And thank you for not letting your brother go out there alone. Thank you for not letting your brother go out there alone.

Dude. Today's episode is brought to you by betterhelp. If you struggled with mental health and you've had moments where you're not sure of yourself or you can't figure a certain moment out in your life, maybe you're having problems at work, with your spouse, or even with a child or with a parent, cousin, anybody. Anything. Anything you're struggling with, Betterhelp can help.

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That's betterhelp. Betterhelp.com. theo, is pornography causing a problem in your life? That's a good question. It's a real question.

It has in mind. It has. At certain periods in my life, watching porno and everything and watching porno was making me. It was ruining my life. It was ruining my life, man.

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Commitment when you reach out to them. But I promise you, only something positive will come from you reaching out and figuring out if. What type of help, if any, could benefit you. Thank you. What's been happening?

What have I been doing? A lot of stuff, man. I'm going to Europe, coming up to some shows. Some people are upset you're not coming here. I'm just.

My friend is getting married, and so I'm going to his wedding, and then I'm just trying to put some shows over while I'm over there and just say, yeah, I'm excited about it, and what do I feel? Yeah, it'll be good, you know, so just to get some different spots over there and, yeah, there's still a lot of spots to go. And, yeah, I'm happy to be here in Austin this week working on some material, and, well, let's get into a call or two, and I'll share in between.

What up, theo? It's Elijah. I'm from Indiana. You know, I came. Came on the hotline.

Elijah
I have a little problem. See if I can get a little bit of advice. So, you know, I've been seeing this girl for a little bit, and, you know. What kind of. What kind of date, mary?

Theo Von
You know, we're dating, like, shit, so dating type shit. Homeward, you know, we've been going out for a minute, and, you know, when you get to know somebody, you just. You get to know, like, everybody, you know, they've been with, you know, and she's been with quite a few people a lot more than me. So, like, when she told me, like, the. Like, my heart just broke, man, like, driving home that night was the worst feeling I've ever had.

Elijah
One of the worst days of my life, man. Some of the people she told me, we're just outrageous, man. Some of my homies, like, people I fuck with, and then there's just some random, like, what the fuck? You know? So, man, I just need your advice on how to.

How to take care of that as a man, because I'm really struggling to try to get past it, and I know that. I know that it's something you can definitely get past. And I was wondering if you had any advice. Gang, baby, I appreciate that. Call Elijah.

Theo Von
And, dude, I'll tell you, bro, I dated a girl who. She worked over at Charlie Queso's, baby Chuck E. Cheeses. And she, dude, had. She had racked up with everybody in there, okay?

She'd racked up with, uh, the waiter, the. The near sighted chick that did the ticket. She hooked up with her. The boss, dude, I didn't even know there was a boss at Chuck E. Cheese's, bro.

The chef, she hooked up with the chef, Pascal that's in the band. Not even the lead singer, not even the rat, not even the mouse, the sh. The chef, the. The dude that's, like, uh, playing the triangle and, like, stirring the pot or whatever, hooked up with that guy. So it was tough.

I'd go meet her for work or pick her up, and it was like I would go in there and feel kind of embarrassed sometimes. But she was actually a really cool girl, man. And sometimes I regret that I wasn't brave enough to just kind of let it be her past.

I kind of, like. I kept holding her past against her, and it made it miserable for her and it made it miserable for really just for us. Like, we couldn't. Like, it was tough, you know? Cause she could never.

I never gave her really room. Like, first of all, I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have held her pass against her. And then I never gave her enough. There was never a way that she could make it up to me.

Cause it's impossible to make up a past, and she shouldn't have to make it up to me. She doesn't have to. So I kind of made it. Everything was always at a deficit, you know? I had an unrealistic expectation.

So. Yeah, so I wish maybe I had done that different, you know? Maybe I'd been the dude that rolls up with her and just rocks with her and just respects her more. Here's what I'll say, man. You can miss the good ones.

And if she's an awesome girl, man, then that's just be awesome with her. The other stuff will go by the wayside. Cause when you get older, too, that shit doesn't matter, bro. Everybody's dated or everybody's trans or whatever. You don't even know what's going on, bro.

You'll reach in somebody's pants, and there's just a damn scratch off ticket in it. People don't even have crotches anymore. It doesn't even matter. People are nearsighted. Farsighted.

People don't even know. People don't even know what's going on. So I think if you got a cool chick, lock it down. Because it gets. There's not that many great ones out there, you know?

And if you got a good one, lock her down and just be proud that's my girl. But, yeah, holding that resentment, dude, if you hold a resentment against somebody that there's no way they could. Holding that resentment is miserable. Cause you're never gonna let it go. So I think you gotta deal with that on your side and then just show up to her like a fricking man, you know?

But I say, yeah, you know, you can be the dude that rocks with her and respects her. You could be that dude, bruh. You could be that dude. Cause I believe that women are a reflection of the men in their life. I really believe that.

So if you show up and you really lift a lady up and you make her feel like something good, and you make her feel value, and you make her feel important, if she's somebody you care about, you know, then that's how they will be. I believe that. I believe that women are a reflection of men, of the men in their life. Now, I'm not saying I've had the best luck or the most ability to be a good boyfriend or whatever, so I don't even know if I would listen to me, but I appreciate you asking. And, yeah, man, and if you love her, love her, bro.

You know? Don't miss the boat, homie. Cause the marina only gets smaller. You feel me? Don't piss where you fish, homie.

You feel me? I don't know what the second one means, but the first one, I think is a. Is important.

What else? I'm trying to think of things that happened. Oh, we got to do the Morgan Wallen walkout at his show. That was really interesting. I was so nervous, dude.

So I go, it was nice. And Morgan, he texted me and asked me to go. Cause it's like a thing that's just kind of like a strange thing, but it's like a thing that everybody loves. It's like that hype when they're doing Broadway girls in the beginning. So I go and I get there, and I asked Morgan, I was like, do we practice?

And he just looked. He looked at me like I was out of my mind, bro. Out of my mind. So we don't practice. We're just all backstage.

It was like his band, me, Deandre Hopkins, one of d hop's boys, my friend Zeta, a little group was just back there just vibing, man. People are just like. Just, like, listening. I don't know what it was. Listening to music and just dancing and having fun.

And then they're like, okay, let's go. And Morgan's just real casual about it, you know, it's just him just walking into work, but, like, we. And d opp was cool. Cause he works at the stadium. He works.

He's a NFL athlete, so he'd been. He comes out all the time of the tunnel, but I'd never gotten to do it. You know, something back there, I'm, like, stretching and, you know, just, you know, just looking in the mirror to seeing how I, like, look when I walk. I had a baseball bat at one point. I had a guitar, and then I was like, what if I hit somebody on accident or something goes wrong?

What if I go crazy and just run out on the stage and just start. Damn. Playing some George Strait or something? I just didn't want to freak out or have do something. Cause I can't always rely on myself, and so I didn't.

So I just took it easy, and I didn't want to try to, like, it's Morgan's show, so you don't want to try and, like, be too cool for school. You're just happy to be there to support, you know, just to be just supportive. So it was interesting, man. And it was. It was really fun.

And the craziest part is, you get to the end, and he gets to go perform. And me and Deandre started kind of walking up the ramp with him. Like, we were like. Cause it's like, this is as close as I'm ever gonna get to being, like, a musical star, this. This moment, and it's not close at all.

It's really just helping. I walked. Walk, right? But for me and Deandre, it was as close, bro. We were like.

We started walking, and they're like, no, no, you too. And literally just security shows up and just sent us to the back and just made a stop, you know? I don't think Morgan would have cared. I think he was. He's just having a good time.

But, dude, it was just a bummer. You want to go out there so bad. You just want to be, you know, everybody wants to be a rock star, you know? So that was. That was something interesting that happened recently.

What else, man? I know it's been a while, and I'm. I am sorry. I do want to say I'm sorry about not doing more solos. I have missed some of the connection.

Just a lot of things have been happening on the side of stuff, and it's just been a lot. Let's get another call that came in here. What's up, the old man? This is Vlad. What's up, Vlad?

Thank you for calling, brother. And Vlad, I believe, is serbian. Onward, man, I took this girl home from the bar the other night. I just. Something caught me, you know?

It was just different. Something different about her, you know? She was kind of shy, but I liked her. But I got her home and something happened. It was just.

Theo Von
I got her home. You sound like a serial killer. But let's hear more, brother. Sorry to interrupt you, but just. Just got scared for a second, but let's hear more.

Onward, brother. I got her home and something happened. It was just. Man, when we pulled her pants off, she had nipples on her butt cheeks, man. It was so strange.

I didn't know how to feel about it. Nipples on her butt cheeks. Wow. Oh, my. Hmm.

Theo Von
Oh, my. Um. How to feel about it? Feel about it with them hands, baby. What are you talking about?

Those are extra tits, bro. Now, I wouldn't motorboat them or you. You. You're going to end up in some dirty oil. You feel me?

But those are extra tits, brother. That's. That's those bumper lumps, homie. That's them rear milk veneers, baby. You feel me?

You might be back. Toes intolerant if you can't handle them. Come on, baby. The bear went over the mountain to see couple more mountains, dog. You gotta get back there, bub.

Extra tits and you're complaining? Let me hear what else you have to say about this. I can't even believe this is a problem for someone. Finally our prayers get answered. That a woman has tits on her butt.

You know how many men have prayed for woman to have tit on butt? Huh? You know how many men have prayed for a woman to have tit on butt? And you're crying about it. Let's hear more.

So strange. I didn't know how to feel about it. So. Man, I was just curious. How would you feel about that?

Theo Von
I mean. Well, I'll tell you this, dude. I would feel very gracious about it. But that's what's going on, bro. It's all merging now.

Everything is a merger. Even the bodies, the people, the animals. That's why you have male chickens dropping off an egg, sneaking over trans birds. Trans. Every business is a.

It's all mixed. Buy. Try whatever. Everything is mixed. You got butts with nipples on them.

You got wieners with milk in them. You got cankles, you got vajuckles. It's like when you see a taco bell that is merged with a baskin robin or long John Silvers and a and w root beer. You're gonna have I hopplebees. You're gonna have Wells Fargo, North Dakota.

You're gonna have Madison Square, Olive Garden, Fuddrucker park. It's all business. It's been bought and sold. It's not real anymore. It's a male chicken walking over and dropping off an egg.

That's what it is. And the female chicken is too busy on onlyfans to do the eggs anymore.

It's a weird world. It's a wrap on the world that we knew. The final morph has begun. That's where we are. Charlotte's web.

They couldn't even write it any. They couldn't even write the book again. Cause the animals, a lot of them were boycotting. They're animals are boycotted. Like, what the fuck are you talking about?

Animals can't read. It's a lot, guys. Hey, it's Kaley Cuoco for Priceline. Ready to go to your happy place for a happy price? Well, why didn't you say so?

Elijah
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Theo Von
Never have to miss a trip ever again. So download the priceline app today. Your savings are waiting. Go to your happy place for a happy price. Go to your happy price price line.

Let's get another call that came in, man. Oh, I do want to say this. I want to say happy belated mother's Day. You know, I got to surprise my mother, which is really cool. I got to go to Tucson, Arizona, and she didn't know that I was coming, so I got to knock on her door, and she wasn't answering.

And I'm like, God, what is going on? And then I'm like, oh, my God, what if something happened? You know? And I look through. Finally I look in the window.

Cause I didn't want her to see me. I didn't want to give it away. I looked through the window and in the shades through there in the backyard. I could see her laying out in the backyard and probably having a cold beer back there. My mom would like to lay out.

She'd get in that polka dot bikini over there and lay out a little. And if we came by her, she would curse at us. And when I was a child anyway, and the chair was. She would always put it. Part of our apartment complex was sinking in the mud, you know, so it was just over time.

It was fucking, you know, one of your legs didn't even get a lot of use because there was. The downhill leg had most of the traction on it, but mom would be out there in that mud, and after about a half hour, her chair would have to sunk halfway down in there. And so then we tried to go help her, and she would just curse at us sometimes and yell at us and stuff, but she was having some beer, and you had to just be supportive at those times. So what else?

Oh, let's take a couple more calls that came in. Oh, but, yeah, so we got to go. We went out to lunch in Tucson at a place we got to go to. Two places. We got to go to a place called Hacienda del Sol, which was really just a really nice staff, beautiful people, and just peaceful.

Beautiful. And so that was nice.

And then we got to also go to Wildflower, which is a restaurant I used to work at a long time ago when I lived in Tucson out there. I went to Santa Rita high school out there, and it was a lot of Mexicans just basically just kind of beating each other in. In abandoned car washes and stuff like that after school. But beautiful area, though. Otherwise, outside of that, and even some of the gangs, you know, they.

Not bad. I wish gangs had, like, more mascots. I wish gangs, like, went the extra mile sometimes to create more of an ambiance, like a t shirt cannon or something, you know? At least then it would be like, the people in the area could have more fun.

What else? A lot of breast calls and stuff. Let's see what else came in. Here we go. Hey, z.

I'm calling for some advice, man. Calling to ask for some advice. Okay. Onward, brother. Thanks for the call.

I broke my sobriety of four months. And broke your sobriety of four months. Okay. Um, let's hear more. I mean, I'm not proud about it, but it was called.

I just found myself using again. And what's it called? I mean, I'm a little disappointed in myself, but I think I just. I just found myself addicted again and falling back on using the drugstore to cope with things. But falling back on using drugs to cope with things.

Theo Von
Yeah, man, I can certainly. Well, once you kind of, you know, relapse or people use the term a lot, then, yeah, it's hard to get back on the horse. But let me hear a little more. I mean, I don't know if I'm coping with things or if I'm just like, I'm addicted, you know?

I don't know, man. That's a great question. You know, am I coping with stuff, or am I addicted? Hmm. It's hard to know if you're.

Theo Von
That's a great question. It's hard to know if you're just coping or if you're an addict.

I guess if I'm just coping well, I think the thing is, if you're using drugs and alcohol to cope, then some of that's fine. But if you're overdoing it, then it's not fine. And I think if you start to wonder if you're an addict, then. I'm not saying you are an addict, but I remember one time I was driving around AA houses, like, around the buildings, and I was talking to my brother on the phone one time, and he's like, what are you up to? I was like, I'm just driving around this AA meeting.

He's like, what do you. What do you mean? I said, well, there's an AA meeting by my apartment, and it's really cool. So. And sometimes I'll come and drive around it.

And he goes, well, I'm not trying to label you or call you out. He goes, but I said, you know, who's not? He goes, you know who's not driving around an AA meeting? I said, who? He goes, people who are.

People who are sure they don't have a problem. And he was right. I mean, I'd kind of go over by it and peek in the building, peek in the windows and shit, you know? And so at that point, for me, it was like I just had to look at my actions and not my thoughts. I was like, my actions.

If I'm driving in a circle around an AA meeting in its parking lot, out to the street, back around in the parking lot, out to the. Then that's my action. And it's a little, you know, it's a lot, but it's giving me some signs, so. I wouldn't be hard on yourself, though, man. Give yourself some grace, brother.

You had four months sober. That's incredible. Four months. Have anybody do anything for four months? Anything.

Extremely hard. Extremely hard. So give yourself some grace, you know? But I think you just have to ask yourself, and you'll know the answer. And then I think you have to make a choice.

Like, some guys will hit me up and be like, do I can't quit? Do I need to go to AA meetings? Like, if you are actually have a dependency on drugs or alcohol, then you probably have to go to a detox, and then you could get into maybe a sober living or just go to AA meetings. But I'm not a doctor. I just know what worked for me, I never had to detox, but that would be questions that somebody else could help you with.

But I always say go to three or four meetings and see how you feel and go to different ones, you know, if you can, just to get a real idea of what they're like, don't go to one and be like, this sucks, or whatever. Yeah, but that's a huge progression, man. I'd be. I would be proud of yourself, and I would just give yourself some grace, man. You're trying.

You're a human. That's really making an effort, and. And that's really. That's beautiful, dog. You got that shit, baby.

Praise God.

What else? Here? We got another call. A lot of breast calls, and this is something that's okay. You know, we do want to ask people to hit the hotline.

Let us know the first time somebody touched your genitalia, you know, and what that experience was like. Was it scary? Was it exciting? Was it. Take us back through some of that.

985-664-9503 you know, once a year, we like to tap into the memories of. Sensual memories and that sort of thing. And that's how that, you know, the lady that got touched in that refrigerator box, you know, that's where you get to really interact with folks like that. So beautiful stuff we want to explore. Got a call that came in right here.

Onward. Hey, theo, man, I was wearing. I was swimming at the lake one time with my cousin, and we're jumping off the dock, you know, just. Beautiful day. It was.

It was gorgeous out, and she come up out of the water, and one of her titties was out, and. Oh, yes, buddy. Yeah, brother. That's breaching, baby. That's what they call it.

Theo Von
That's breaching, baby. That's. That's nature, daddy. You can watch that on damn shark channel. Let's hear more.

I sat there looking at it, and I didn't really know what to do or say, really. So I just didn't say anything. I just kind of took it in.

I don't have any regrets. I don't think that I should have said anything in that moment. It would have just made it too. Too much, you know, in that. In that moment.

Theo Von
Look, brother, I think that there's.

I think those are second tier tits, brother. On a cousin, that's second tier tittery, baby. That's nothing. First tier tits, that's mom tits. And if you.

If you stare at your mom's tits for more than 2 seconds, you will be absorbed off of the face of the earth by satan. So that is hands down, um, no pass go or whatever. Straight to hell. So that is. That's the first rule.

Second, that mid tier tit is. Mid tier is sister, right? Mid tier is sister. That's sister's breasts. I think you can look at them probably maybe six to 8 seconds.

You know what I'm saying? Just a. Just enough to place first on a bull, you know, you don't want to get crazy, because there's. First of all, you're just. You're making sure everything's cool, but you don't want to.

You don't want to drop in on them. You know, you want to keep your mouth closed when you look at them. That's normal, I think. Now, if you look at your sister's breast and it's. And it doesn't feel like they're your sister's breast, then.

Then one of y'all's parents is lying. I think about something, you know? And then. And then there's the cousin. Cousin breasts.

Or tits. Some people call them tits. And I don't actually, I do a lot of times, but. But, yeah. And now cousin breasts.

Shit, I'd say 30 seconds. 25 to 30 seconds. 28 seconds. Be cool. Keep your sunglasses on.

Don't fuck. That is a major no. Taking your glass. Like, keep your glasses on, guy. You know, and then just offer to get everybody something to eat or whatever.

Beast. Totally cool. Helpful. Don't be weird, brother.

But, yeah, you know, I think it's okay. But that's it. That's it.

So what else do we got, man? Some of this I forgot how to do, I feel like. But I'm going to get back in the swing of it. My brain's starting to get a little tired. I got a call right here that came in.

Hey, Theo, my name is Wade. What's up? Wade, man? Thank you for calling, man. I.

Theo Von
Excuse me. I had. You know, when I was a kid, they had a kid in my class named Wade, and he was a gingerbread. And they didn't have. They didn't.

I don't know if they even allowed a lot of gingers in our area, but he had gotten in, and he was a neat guy, you know, he had a beautiful sister. Or she could have just been a sister. It could have just been his sister. And she was just. I was at that age where if a dude had a sister, it was like, she's beautiful, you know?

And I was the wor. I remember, I just. God, at that age, I was the worst at talking to women, I mean, and I still am. But at that time, I had really. My buddy would like, if I had a friend who was like, hey, man, you should go talk to that girl.

I would immediately. Not only would I not walk over and talk to the girl, I would run 15 miles in the other direction.

I would. And then when I got there, I would start writing letters to the girl and telling her how I missed her. And I wish things could be different and all just crazy. I was just. I've always been a bizarre relationshipist in a way.

I'll be like, dude, that girl's looking at you. You should go talk to her. I will fucking take one step towards her, then 7000 steps the other way. And then when I get over there, I start drawing paintings of her. I'll take art classes, all that kind of shit.

But yeah, I was always had trouble talking to women. But anyway. But now it's not as bad, but it's still not cool. But Wade had a sister. I don't remember her name.

I think she damn looked like him. I don't even know, bruh. But it didn't matter. It didn't even damn matter. And Wade was cool.

He was interesting. Pale, too. God, so pale you could fucking see his heart trying. Damn. Some days you just be like, damn, you gotta.

You better pluck that thing a couple times, Wade. We're about to play basketball. You know you're gonna need it. But anyway. Go on, man.

I'm sorry I interrupted your call with my bullshit. Let me start your call over a little. Oh. My name is Wade. I am a college student, and you're a college student.

Okay. Onward. I don't mean to, like, bring you down or anything, but, you know, you were pretty real about your mental health and stuff. And I just, you know, I'm just calling to kind of wonder if you ever felt like you were, like, just always fighting yourself and you just don't know why, and you kind of just. And you just.

But I just know I'm losing, you know? Or you know, you're losing. Yeah. If I was always fighting myself and I didn't know why. Um.

Theo Von
But I was always losing. Um. Yeah, let me. Let's hear more. I just feel like I'm failing all the time.

And it's not that I don't talk about it, because I do talk about it. And people just tell me that, you know, I should go to the gym or I should try harder in school, or I should do all this other stuff, but I just fail all the time and. I don't know, man, I just don't feel good. Yeah, thanks. Thanks.

Theo Von
Thanks for the call, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, I can relate in the way that I just appreciate you caring about yourself enough to call and see what's going on and just share it. Neither one of us probably has an answer, but we can share about what's going on. And then at least now, both of us, you know, if you're carrying a burden by yourself, if you share it with somebody else, now two people are carrying it, you know, and it's lighter, you know, I was always in conflict with myself, always.

If I was working, I wasn't. I should have been having fun, or I wasn't working hard enough. If I was having fun, it'd be like, God, I gotta fuck it. I gotta go to work. I never let myself win.

That's what I realized. I never let myself win. So I was always in conflict, always. I was never doing anything right. And then I realized that I had.

My perspective was off. I had made unrealistic expectations for myself, and I made unrealistic expectations for myself, because if I could never get things right, then that means that I'm always wrong.

And if I'm always wrong, then that attaches to whatever my core belief about myself. One of my core beliefs, like something I think real deep down inside myself, one of the things I thought was that I'm always wrong. I can't do anything right. I'm never enough, right? Those were core beliefs that I had for me.

And so by having unrealistic expectations, I set myself up always to fail, because I never could achieve my own expectations. They were always impossible. So then once I fail, which is all the time, it attaches back to the old feeling of, well, I'm not enough, right? So then it's like almost a self fulfilling prophecy in a way.

So I'm not saying that's what's going on with you, but if you're never enough for yourself, then you might want to look at, get talk to a therapist about some of what your core beliefs are, and how do you find out what those are? Because that's where I've had to just. That's where I've had to start looking for myself. And then also, I think, stay in action. Like, you know, stay in action.

Like, keep, you know, stay moving. Whether it's that you jog or you go for a walk or if you like to go to the gym, those things are important because otherwise you get, like, your body is sedentary, and if it's sedentary, you're. You're going to be even more, like, glum and depressed. It's so much easier for depression to, like, grow on you if you're. If you're not a moving target.

So staying in motion, I think, helps. Not all the time. Don't sleep on, like, a treadmill or anything, but just, you know, stay busy. Keep your blood going.

Yeah. I don't know if that's helpful, helpful or not. But then it was like I wasn't always in conflict with myself. Cause I would never let myself win. That was the thing.

I was never good enough for myself, and no one else was ever good enough for me. You know, I just had unrealistic expectations, man. Um, so I'm not feeling bad about it or anything. I'm happy that I'm able to see it. I haven't cured it for myself or anything like that, but I at least have a look at it now, and I'm at least now able to.

When I pray, I'm able to ask God, say, hey, God, you know, help me to see my unrealistic expectations. Help me to make those more. Bring those into the light for me so that I can see where they show up, you know?

Yeah, that's all I got, really, on that, man. And. And give yourself some grace, too. Just don't be so hard on yourself, man. I'm sure you're doing a lot, but.

And don't get caught in self pity. That was. That was something that happened to me for a long time. I was in self pity. I always had a problem, and if I always have a problem and everything is wrong and everything, then that's self pity.

Because that's not the reality of things. The reality of things is that there's possibility everywhere, somehow. But if I'm always playing the victim to myself and stuff, and when I'm talking with people, then it's like I'm getting into self pity. And I'm not judging you with that. I'm just saying, just look out for it.

I fell into it for a long time. And fuck, I was a fucking shit. Had this shit all over my fucking knees, dude. I was in self pity so much, bro. Damn dummy.

But it's okay. I didn't know, you know? And I'm just grateful now that I have a little bit more wherewithal when I see it. You know what else, man? Can we get anything else?

That might be a lot for today.

Yeah. Some of this is solo, so I almost have to learn how to do it again. You know, I'm sorry that I took so long off of it, but we just, there was just some other things to get in a row. You know, we've been able to have more guests, and I want to be able to have people that I can, you know, sometimes it's nice to have people that I can laugh with, and sometimes it's nice to have people that I can learn from.

So that's been cool. You know, we have an anger guy coming up. We had this episode with Tim Fletcher that was really interesting. And then there's just been a lot of stuff going on in the background of just trying to figure things out, trying to grow up, you know, I've always been kind of like a late bloomer, I think, and.

Yeah. And just finding out how do I get to. How do I, you know, one day I'd like to be in a successful relationship, and it's something that I've always struggled with. And I'm okay. I'm not complaining about it.

I'm just looking at it right? I'm looking at it and I'm looking to see do I want to really do the work that it's going to take to get myself into a place to be good at something like that? Because it's practice. It's all not actual practice with someone. But, I mean, it is some of that for me, but it's like just creating a level of integrity with myself so that I'm only putting myself in scenarios that have a lot of upside and value, you know, and you can't always know off the bat, but sometimes, you know, like, oh, this isn't, you know, this isn't really.

This ain't gonna make me feel anything, but maybe bad, you know? So what else, anything in the news? You know, they just had the Kyle. They were trying to have the most Kyle's ever in Kyle, Texas. So I want to jump on the line with, I want to get on the line here with a Kyle who was there.

You know, apparently they came up a little bit short over there. Let me see the number they were trying to get. Well, I guess we can learn it all about here from this Kyle right here. I want to talk to this Kyle. And this is a Kyle.

And he was at the Kyle fest 2024 over in Kyle, Texas, which is only about 20 miles from here in Austin. And so I'm really interested in seeing how that works went and what went on down there. This right here, we have Kyle Garcia, if he's available here. Kyle Garcia. Hey, Kyle, hi.

Hey, brother. Can you see me? I can see you. Nice, man. Thank you for your patience.

And I can hear you. Yeah, for sure. No worries. Excellent. And so you attended the Kyle Fest over there in Kyle, Texas?

Yeah. It was the craziest, most Kyle charged weekend I've ever spent. It was really cool. And what was the goal of the festival, just so we know for sure? So I think there's a current world record of the most amount of people with the same name in Bosnia with the name Ivan.

And that's, like, something in the 2122 hundred? Something like that. Okay. So in order to beat that record, we needed 22 something hundred kyles, and we fell a little short, but we had a lot of fun. And this was the second year they did it.

I think they've been doing it for four or five years now. And from what I understand, the last year was their biggest turnout. And that's actually the year that I found out about it. Last year's turnout was 1400, and this year's turnout was 706 officially. Oh, yeah.

Theo Von
Not as many kyles. Were you expecting a larger amount of Kyle's? I was thinking it was going to happen. I didn't really. You know, the reason I went is because the place I work at, there's three kyles of us together.

So I felt emboldened. I felt like, all right, we might actually get this done, might be part of world history to some extent. So I didn't think it would be half. Did you go as a group, you three kyles? Oh, I solo tripped.

The other kyles, you know, couldn't make it. But I knew about it for a while. I knew about it since last year, and I feel like I was the only Kyle that was, like, kind of eyeing it. Wow. Okay.

Theo Von
And so what were some of the festivities when you got down there? Were there. Was there, like, a pledge of allegiance? Was there. Were you guys doing, like, a pickleball or anything?

The coolest thing. There was a drone show on the final night, and that was my first time seeing a drone show. So it was really cool to go out and see that. And actually, yeah, from Friday to Sunday, there was live music. There were two stages, which I thought was pretty cool, and it was all free.

Free to attend. You didn't have to be a kyle to participate, to take part, get food and drinks, you know, to have fun. So it was really cool. And someone said kyle Rittenhouse was there. Was that.

Theo Von
Is that. Let's see. I didn't. I didn't catch or, you know, hear any famous Kyle's come through? I I wish there were more kyles.

I think we just generally wanted more kyle. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It feel like you want to get as much cows as you can. And do you blame.

Theo Von
Was there a reason, you think, in hindsight, like, okay, this would have led us to more kyles? This is why we fell short. Yeah. Like, we talked about it. We discussed it.

Like, why, you know, what. What we think is what happened. And I think the general consensus is maybe marketing had something to do with it. Advertising. Maybe a certain amount of advertising was needed to get everyone's attention, to keep it on everyone's mind, you know, maybe like, a certain influencer, you know, probably could have pushed things along more.

I know that the city put a lot of effort into it, you know, I mean, with the drone show and two stages, you know, it was really cool. Yeah. But, yeah, I feel like word of mouth really goes a long way in sort of in a sense, like this. Yeah. Well, next year, we'll have to read some ads or something, do something we can to try to support these kyles.

Theo Von
And what type was it? All men? Are there women Kyle's allowed as well? Do you see women Kyle? They were married Kyles.

They were Kyles of all sorts. What was really cool was to see really small, tiny, teeny, tiny toddler Kyles, baby Kyle's.

It was awesome. It was really cool. I never met so many Kyle's felt like a kinship. Oh, it did feel like that. Yeah, it felt cool.

I mean, the hardest part was hearing your name. You turn your head. That was the hardest part. The head turning part. Someone says, nice hat, Kyle.

Or, I'm looking for Kyle, or, you know, you're in big trouble, Kyle. And we're all like, yes, ma'am, or. This is your baby, Kyle.

But that's what was part of the fun, you know? Oh, that's super enjoyable. And was there a lot of. Is it a place where is there a lot of, like, did it seem like a hotbed? I was reading somewhere online that it seemed like a hotbed of, like, kind of like men meeting men.

Theo Von
Was there any of that energy there? Did you feel like any dating kind of vibes? You know, I feel like I wouldn't want to find the love of my life with also the same name, you know, meeting Kyle. And to be honest, yeah, I guess I definitely saw the ratio. I guess I saw more guy Kyle's, you know?

And I. To be completely honest with you, I wasn't. I wasn't really going I was all by myself, you know, solo tripping. And it was my first time out in Texas. Wow.

There was so much to do, you know, and so, and everyone was awesome. Everyone was really nice and friendly and welcoming too. Yeah. Yeah. I was just wondering if it was like a hotbed for kind of gay activity or anything like that because it was all men, you know?

Theo Von
I just sometimes wonder that. But, yeah, I, I met some really cool guy Kyles, for sure. I mean, like, there was, there were some well traveled Kyles. Um, there were Kyles with like three jobs, you know, um, Las Vegas Kyle was really cool. Las Vegas Kyle was trying to, uh, get, to get people together for like, bar hopping in Austin, you know?

Okay. Really, really cool. So they had party kyles. They had busy kyles. They had any, any wheelchair kyles, any kyles on crutches, you know, I will.

Say there was one, um, Kyle in a, in a chair being walked by his family. Okay. That was really cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Theo Von
So every, so this was, everybody was welcome. Everybody was. Wow. What about the oldest Kyle? Did you see was, did you, did you guys find out who the oldest Kyle was?

Oh, well, you know what's funny is that, um, I mean, while I was in Kyle, Texas, they had a five k going on, a free five k going on. And I took part in that. And they did congratulate some Kyle's over there. The fastest Kyle, I think the oldest Kyle. And we had some pretty senior runners up there too.

Yeah, it was, it's really a real memorable weekend. Yeah. Because when is there something like this, you know? That's what's so intriguing to me. Would you go back again?

Honestly, if I was more sure, if I was more confident that we would break a world record, yeah, I'd be down to go. But honestly, I had so much fun that I'd probably want to revisit Texas, revisit Austin again, and then maybe stop over in Kyle. Yeah. Just to reminisce about it. Yeah.

Theo Von
Wow. Well, and where do, yeah, where do you travel from, Kyle? Oh, so I heard about this all the way from New York. Oh, wow. And did you travel by plane or train or.

How did you get there? Plane, I think plane would have been the easiest thing just for this weekend, you know, I'm currently back to work, you know. So it was nice coming into Austin and leaving from Austin. It was smooth. You know, the time difference wasn't too bad.

The big difference was the heat, for sure. Yeah. Yeah, it's hot down here. I'm in Austin right now. We just been here, and so I'd been hearing about the Kyle fest, and I've been on stage this week, and there's a lot of different Kyle's popping up and non kyles and people accusing each other of being, like, fake Kyle.

Theo Von
There's all types of, like.

Yeah, yeah, I'm with Kyle, you know? A lot. Yes. A lot of stuff like that. So, yeah, it's just been a fascinating week to be so close to this.

This, um, kind of flocking of the kyles, you know? Yeah. I mean, I thought it was, like, this funny little, silly idea, and then, you know, I just sort of chased after it and had the time of my life. Good for you, man. It just shows.

I think just going and doing something is really what it's all about, you know? That's the big thing. Just saying, hey, I'm going to try this. Yeah. Did you leave feeling like, I'm glad I tried it.

Come back with some stories? Yeah, definitely happy I did it. Like, no regrets. Yeah. You know, traveling is.

Is really great. Like that hundred percent Kyle's. All Kyle's welcome. Um, they did the best that they could. Kyle Garcia from New York.

Theo Von
Thank you so much for your time, man. I really appreciate it. Appreciate you. Thank you. All right, brother.

See you in the future. Right there. You heard it. Even Kyle's can't even get on the same page, and it could be even a hotbed for homosexuality over there. Everything in the world now turns into a pizza hut or a men's kind of gay meetup.

It feels like. And that's just what's going on. And that's time, brother. That's us traveling through time and experimenting with the buffet of existence.

Something else, isn't it? And just remember, we may be in the time of the merging. If things feel weird, if things feel obtuse, you don't know what's going on. We may be in the merging. Remember that when you see an animal with a sunroof, when you see a butt with some titties on it or whatever, when you see a goose that is working at a chevron, when you see anything that's different, when you see a daycare suddenly selling is also a lens, crafters, you know, it's all.

It's emerging, right? It's emerging. Just recognize we're in emerging. When you see one person that has three different sexes in them, it's emerging. I think that's what's going on.

So just be cognizant. I believe that we're emerging, and it's okay, you know, just get a shamrock shake or get a damn McDouble and just chill, you know? We're gonna make it.

What else? That's all I got, man. I appreciate it. We'll do another solo episode soon. Thank you guys for all the support and.

Yeah, and just. And let me just try to get back on this. On this bike again this week. And. Yeah.

Love you guys, man. You guys be good to yourselves, baby. You deserve it. Gang, close.

E505 Merging

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1: Reflecting on Beginnings

2: Milestones and Memories

3: Current Reflections and Future

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