E497 Sketch

Theo Von
I have some tour dates I would like to announce for Europe. I'm going to a friend's wedding in Europe, and so I was able to find some dates last minute, and these are what we can do for now. I will be coming back and doing other cities and maybe doing some of these cities again. So don't be upset if I'm not coming to where you are right now. I'll be in Belfast on June 7 at the SSE arena.

I'll be in Dublin on June 8 at the three arena, Manchester, UK on June 13, and London, UK on June 15. Those tickets in Europe are all on sale right now. I will also be in Las Vegas on July 5 and 6th at Resorts World. Get your tickets early starting this Wednesday, April 24 at 10:00 a.m. Local time with the pre sale code Rat King General.

On sale starts Friday, April 26 at 10:00 a.m. Local time. We also have tickets remaining for Halifax, Nova Scotia, and Vancouver in the British Columbia. Today's guest is truly one of a kind. He is everywhere right now.

He is an entertainer. He's a streamer. He is just the dang. He's the Winnie the pooh of America and of the world. Maybe I'm fortunate to get to spend time with what is also quite possibly one of the greatest minds in football right now, if we're being honest.

Today's guest is sketch. Shine that light on me I'll sit and tell you my story shine on me and I will find a song I've been singing.

Yeah, dude, I just got an iv, man. But if you don't. If they don't get it in the vein, it can just fill up your arm. Yeah. That's scary.

Sketch
I wouldn't want to do that. When she was pumping me up, she was, like, putting the pressure on the bag and stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's when it was like, I'm gonna still kind of feel the pressure.

It feels. It's whack. It's, like. Feels weird, but I feel way better. You do?

Yeah. What'd you do it for? Just for fun? Yeah, I just was on a flight this morning, and I just wanted to. I can feel, like, dehydrated sometimes.

You do it on the plane? No, no, I did it when I got home. Yeah. And there's some babes sometimes that do it. Yeah, we had a pretty good looking lady pull up.

Yeah, I had a dude. The last one I did in Vegas, I did it, and they took a picture of me, and then they asked, like, to post it on my social media. And then, like, you look at my little picture they posted. I was doused in water. Cause, like, when I get nervous, I just was, like, pouring water.

I poured two bottles on me. Yeah, just calm down. Sitting like this. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

I like to. If I get nervous, I like to feel cold. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like a. Who else is like that?

Theo Von
Maybe. Maybe vampires or something. Maybe Native Americans or whatever. Probably. I don't know what they did to kind of cool off if it was real hot.

Yeah, my mom puts that shade in her window, you know, like. Oh, one of those. Yeah, yeah, but she doesn't, like, do water or anything like that. Yeah, curtain. Yeah, yeah, she just puts a curtain up.

But, yeah, my arm just blew up. It would look like one of those, you know, like when somebody, like a. Like a clown blows up one of those balloons. It was turning into that, you know. Turn it into like a Mickey mouse hand.

Yeah. Twist it off and just give it to. That's funny. Sketch. Thanks for coming in, man.

Sketch
Thanks for having me. Thanks for hospitality. It's been amazing. I appreciate it, man. Yeah, I.

Theo Von
Yeah, I was just thinking. What was I thinking about? Can you see? How can you see pretty good? No, you can't.

Sketch
I can't read pretty good. I can see pretty decent. Can you see me? I could see. I could see you, but if you're in a crowd of people, I'd probably have to get up in your face a little bit.

Theo Von
Yeah. These are more for reading, the chat. But I usually don't wear glasses. I don't. I don't like going to the doctor.

Sketch
The eye doctor? Yeah, I don't like things around my eyes, so, like, getting them checked and stuff like that. I was like. I was kind of, like, trying to get out of there. Oh, this makes you nervous, huh?

Well, yeah, I just don't like the stuff around my eyes or whatever. So, like, eyes are like. They're almost like your buttholes of your face, you know, they're very. You don't really want, you know. Yeah.

Theo Von
People are going to come around and you want them to ask first. Yeah, no sticks around them. Nothing. Nothing sharp. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you can see pretty good. No, not really. I like the ones I have, like, the glasses that were prescription. One's like a scope lens, and then the other one's, like, way off. I think they're three clicks off.

Sketch
Cause I was just, like, going, yeah, I'm good. Get me out of here. Get me out of here. And then I got them in the mail and I was like, oh, my God, I can't wear this shit. No way.

Theo Von
They're not doing it by mail now. They send them in. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, it's hard to.

Sketch
I mean, get them. You gotta get a. Have you ever gotten a prescription for them? Uh uh. Well, you gotta go get prescribed for them.

So if you're, like, run out of your prescription, you lose your glasses, you gotta go, like, back in. And I was like, I'm not going back in. Yeah, just mail me what you gotta. I guess in, like. Yeah, mail me whatever you have.

Theo Von
That's doing pretty well for people. Yeah, that's what I would say. Yeah. I wonder how far people should even be able to see sometimes, you know? Yeah.

Sketch
You should have it limited. Well, it's just like, what are we doing with, like, I guess actually being able to see far is pretty good. Yeah, that's like a hit. That's like a superpower. Yeah.

I started losing my eyesight, like, three years ago. Pretty. Pretty fast or. Really? Yeah.

I don't know what it was. Probably not drinking enough water. I think that. Yeah, it feels like they can start cinching up. Feel like.

Look like SpongeBob when he doesn't. Yeah. Maybe that's why you're pouring water on your head. That's my bot. I'm doing it the wrong way, though.

Theo Von
Yeah, maybe your eyes are saying, look, bro. Yeah. Okay. We'll work from the outside if that's how you want to do it. Yeah.

Sometimes I wonder if. I wonder if we only could see, like, 4ft or something, if that would be awesome. Like sharks or crocodiles or something. Yeah. Just moved by vibrations.

Yeah. Yeah. And you would meet more people, too. You'd meet everybody. Yeah, everybody.

You'd be like, whoa. Hey. Hey. Nice to meet you here. Nice to meet you here.

Sketch
There we go. Everything's shoulder to shoulder, sardine lifestyle there. Yeah, that would be pretty wild, man. That is cool. So do you think your vision went away?

Theo Von
Were you sitting too close to the screen or something? Or what do you think it was? It was that, and then, um, I think it was not drinking too much water. And then, um, I never got my. Apparently squinting makes it worse, so I've been squinting for, like, the last four years, and it's just I got astigmatism too, or whatever.

Sketch
But, like, I think it's still the water. And then, uh. I don't know, I probably did something, did something bad and it's karma. No, I'm just kidding. Yeah, it could have been.

Theo Von
Maybe, you know, I could have been. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. Maybe somebody has a voodoo doll. You should go check out your neighbors.

Sketch
I know. I need a. Someone probably does have a voodoo doll of me now. You probably have one of you, too. Well, you have one.

Theo Von
I don't know. There's definitely been. I've had some things mailed to me. Some dolls people have made. Yeah, I mean, I guess we might have one now.

Somebody might have one. Yeah, it's working. Yeah, I got some back pain. It's working. Yeah.

You're not feeling good. What if CJ Strauss starts feeling all the shit that they put? If they start needling yours up? That would be worse. I'd have to sacrifice myself for the greater good of our team here.

Sketch
He's a great guy, though. Yeah. Have you met him? Met him twice. Met him randomly at the Apple store and then met him when I was in LA.

We played a little football. Oh, sweet. I was about threw up when we were running around, so it's like. Why? It just was tough.

Theo Von
It was just. I haven't run in a while. Just don't run much and. Is it scary to run if you can't see? That's really brave, huh?

Sketch
Yeah, no, that's. That was. The other part was when you stole a ball. I could not see to save my life. Damn.

Theo Von
But you still went out for a pass. Yeah. Wow. Like Batman. Batman.

Sketch
That is awesome. That's like Vietnam kind of for you. Kind of, yeah. Less fire. Um.

Less fire and traps you buy. Yeah. You've really taken over America. Do you kind of become, like, a stitch in the american flag? I feel like you're like this thing that everybody feels like they can believe in, you know?

Theo Von
You're kind of like the young male Helen Keller of, like, the gaming community. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I think you're this, like, new, like, Harriet Tubman of humanity in a way.

Like, how did that kind of start? Just for my listeners that don't know. So you're a streamer or gamer? Like, take me through some of it. I know you're a human being.

Sketch
Yeah. So I started. I started randomly streaming, like, last year, so I'm, like, less than a year in. Okay. This was doing it on, like.

Theo Von
Okay, and what is streaming mean? So. Just so. Cause some people won't know. Oh.

Sketch
So, like, I play video games mostly, and now I do more stuff. But it was. Started off just like playing Madden. You're playing football and stuff, and when. You stream, you're playing it in front of your computer, or you're playing it like, where is the.

Theo Von
How are you setting up the stream like this? I set it, like desktop. It's in my room. And then I have a webcam, and I just turn it on and then start. Start going.

Sketch
But then people started. I kind of grew up. Blew up a little bit when I was doing the mad and stuff. Cause I like to do the audibles and stuff. Yeah.

When there's, like, more people in there, I get nervous, so I like to fucking or. Sorry for cussing. Yeah, blur that out. Yeah. We'll do something.

You don't have to put a buzzer. Or we'll put a louder cuss word over it. Yeah, I like that idea. Put it on someone else. Shift the blame.

We'll put a worse. We'll put a worse word over it. We'll throw Papa John saying the n word over it. Oh, my God. That's on him.

There we go. Hey, it's good pizza. I know. A great garlic sauce. I'll tell you what, that'll make your shit your pants.

Theo Von
I mean, it'll make you. Yeah. It'll make you say things. Yes. Coming out like hot soup.

Sketch
Yeah. That's how today was when you started. Streaming and you were on there, you're just playing, and then people start to get a vibe for you, and they're like, oh, this guy is a unique person. Yeah. And I was just like, wow, dude.

Like, my arm motions and stuff like that. Yeah, everywhere. You see it everywhere. Right here. There's kids.

Theo Von
Some first word. So they had a baby the other day. Its first word was, what's up, brother? And that was crazy. Yeah.

And I think it was a woman or a trans boy. Oh, my God. And it was like. But beautiful, you know? Beautiful babies.

Yeah. And so just to see that there's people. Yeah. I mean, there's. There was, like, a guy.

His last words were, what's up, brother? Oh, my gosh. Which is. That's brutal there. Died for brain rot.

Sketch
I call it, like, the zombie effect or whatever. Just like, you find a group of people, they get infected. It's just like, they start. Oh. With the.

Theo Von
What's up, brother? Yeah. That's where it's like, it's a. I don't know if it's a stitch in the flag or if I'm a meme yet. It's like, I gotta stay alone for a little bit longer, otherwise I'm a meme.

Yeah. That's a good point. Huh? Yeah, that's true. Meme.

Is kind of like the coffin you can go in, huh? Yeah, that's where Internet people go to die. Wow. I could, I could be here soon. I'm scheduling everything back to back, making sure, making sure we squeeze everything out of this fucking rag here.

And so then people just started kind of falling in love with your personality, huh? Yeah, that's what it was. And then people started clipping me, a dude in the army. It was like they couldn't have TikTok. He was trying to explain people what I do or whatever.

Sketch
So he was like, the first one, he would send that and he started posting them. Okay. And that, those went, those clips started doing good. And that's kind of what, like, took, took it off for me. But then.

Theo Von
Cause it's a kind of strange, it's a unique ascent. It's almost like you're an astronaut. It's almost like you, you're an astronaut, but you haven't left the earth, you know? It's like you don't see a lot of people that have just had such a change in their life. Oh, dude, I was doing real estate like a year ago and then literally.

Was nearsighted real estate. Yeah. I'll tell you what, my last real estate deal, I crashed on the way there. Really? I thought I had a green light.

Sketch
I hope that lady doesn't know that. She would have sued me for nothing. Now. Now she can garner some wages. What's up, lawyer?

What's up, lawyer? We might need a couple. Dude, could you imagine if you're showing me real estate, you're like, this house is 6ft by 6ft. It's like as far as you can see. Yeah, that's probably what it's like.

Take them in there. I'm finding everything, finding out everything, like they are. You see that there? You see? You see that there?

Theo Von
Dude, that's great. See, that would almost be awesome of a real estate agent because then everything's gonna be brand new to you all the time. Exactly. That's the, that's the beauty of it. Walk out there and just.

Sketch
But I did more land, so I never, I never really did houses, so the land was like, everyone good here? You like it? Okay, let's do it. It's pretty simple, cut and dry. So, yeah, you just show up and what, just look at land or whatever?

Yeah, I would put stuff on a contract and then I would have to take it to like, a committee and they'd approve, like, the purchase or not. It was more like raw land for like lots and stuff. Like that for, like, houses, okay. Yes, sir. And you're driving a truck, though, huh?

Toyota tacoma. Hell, yeah. Yeah, I was. And then I have a second one now. That first one got destroyed.

I'll tell you what. It's a safe car, though. Yeah. That lady hit me hauling ass. You meant it, huh?

45. Yeah. That's why you got to watch the agap, man. You got to catch that Mike Lamback. Exactly.

It was like the blind side there. I was. I was. I was relaxed, though. I had no clue coming.

Theo Von
Dang, bro. So the. So, um. Yeah, because you got to buy land from a dude in a truck. If a dude rolls up in a Camry or whatever, I ain't buying.

Sketch
That's a land. That's like selling crypto there. He's. It's a scam there. Yeah, that's bad.

Here we go, bro. If some dude rolls up. Yeah. In a fiat or a mini Cooper, I ain't buying. No.

No way. If he's got a squat to get in his car, no way. Unless he's a midget or something. Dude, I used to have a little person that was a. And some people say midget.

Theo Von
I think midget's actually french, I think. But midget's french for keychain. Is it? No, I'm just kidding. Oh, damn.

Sketch
Put him in your pocket. Well, it'd be great if you had. A little person just hold your keys all the time. Yeah, that's a good business plan. Gotta go to Ireland for him.

I hear that would be great. Or if he wore him on his earrings. Oh, yeah. Like a minion. Yeah.

Like, this big will be minions. And then you just, like, brought him up to the door and he was just ear hide of, like, most door, like, locks. Yeah. Oh, that'd be great. Well, good.

The good thing is, like, he probably harder to get robbed from a midget, so it's probably a good thing for a manager. Well, we had a little person at night. He was our roommate, and we would watch him. We would all get together and have kind of have a beer or whatever and watch him run and jump into bed at night. Oh, my gosh.

That's a. That's a. That's an Olympic sport. Slingshot him. Yeah, it was pretty crazy.

Theo Von
No, he never wanted any help. He was very much like a. You know, he was kind of like a Jackie Robinson of little people. Yeah, awesome. Like an independent woman.

Yeah, he wanted to do it. Yeah. Like a very Shania twain type of. Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

He was like the littlest Dixie chick. He wanted to do it his own way. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you what. They got to monitor their own.

Sketch
Same here. Yeah, same here. Same size brains. Is that true? I think so.

They're little people. Little brains might go together, but I've met some. They're pretty smart. They all are smart. Yeah.

Theo Von
I'm trying to think if you have less. I think they must be just the same amount of smart, because my friend Brad is a little person, and he is. Seems very smart. Let me see. All.

Almost all people with disproportionate dwarfism have normal intellectual capacities. Rare exceptions are usually the result of a secondary factor, such as excess fluid around the brain, which is the opposite of what you have. Yeah. Lots of extra space. Yeah.

So they're really. Yeah, I guess if they got too much water on them, you know. Well, it's water weight that would. It's always the water weight that gets to you. It's.

Yeah. Maybe they need an ivy. Yeah, well, you get them. Maybe that's league. Maybe that's how they get bigger.

Oh, an iv would be a little bit. Those things you put in the water, then they grow and get bigger like that. Oh, like those little. Yeah. What are those things?

Like a little dragon or something? Like a sponge? Yeah, yeah. Put them in the water to get bigger. I like that.

They had a. They had a movie called gremlins, and that's what they did on there. They. It was like these kind of bad animals, and they'd just been misbehaving, I guess, in the community, and then they put water on them and they turn just really bad. Is this yoda?

Yeah, this is like a. It's almost like a dirty little yoda. It's like Yoda's little son that got busted probably selling tranq or whatever, doing some low key bat shit, doing bad. Shit all the time. Yeah.

Just like doing that gas station salvia, whatever that stuff is, you know? Oh, yeah. Taking that horny goat where you mess with your head there. Yeah. And so, yeah, they just ended up doing real well, but.

Yeah, but that was a movie. When they added water on him, it went bad. Maybe they live longer like Yoda. Oh, yeah, that's another thing. Yeah.

I wonder. I don't know, but. Sketch, man, good to see you. So you have this thing that kind of happens in your life? Cause it's kind of fascinating, dude.

It's just like such a rare. It's just a. You know, it's just a unique thing. Yeah. How have you kind of felt like that?

People recognize you more and stuff. Does some parts of it get scary? Does it all feel kind of exciting? It's cool. It can get like overwhelming, but it's more of like, I take everything a day at a time.

Sketch
Right now. It's just like, if I think of everything, we're like. That's why I like, it's just like, keep it, just roll the punches, keep everything, you know, keep the schedule busy. But at the same time, don't worry about the next thing. Just focus on, you know, drink water.

Right now. Yeah. Yeah. Like this is, this is cool here. Yeah, no, this is awesome.

Theo Von
Yeah, man. Well, like new territory for me. Is it? Everything is. Everything's like, I don't know.

Sketch
I feel like a newborn baby. Yeah, yeah. Walking around and people saying my stuff or I've caught a couple of people doing it on Broadway and then you just rolled down the window was like, what's up, brother? Like, what? Whoa.

Theo Von
I mean, dude, 20 years from now you could run. That could be your campaign. So what's up, brother? Could literally win the presidency. That's just kind of how crazy the world is these days.

Sketch
I know. I need to find a vp. Yeah. I don't know who would be. I think you wanna be on that ticket.

Theo Von
Yeah, I'm gonna be president. I'll be vice president. No, you don't want power. I want. No, I wanna be the guy in the background who's like, kind of like, like goes like this in the background but then gets to go and chill and kind of vape or whatever and talk to some ladies and, you know, hope for the best.

Sketch
That's the way to do it. There. Hang low and let it ride. There we go. Just ride it like a wave.

I feel like I'm at a swimming pool right now. This episode is sponsored by prize Picks. Do you love firing on sports? Well, prize picks is the best daily fantasy sports app for you. You can fire on all your favorite sports like the NBA, UFC, NFL and many more.

Theo Von
Instead of choosing teams, you choose individual players. That's what I love about prize picks. Each player has a set projection and you either choose more or less than that set projection. For example, if you think that Luka Doncic is going to have more than 27 points, you would choose that. While if you think Shai Gilgias Alexander is going to have less than eleven rebounds, you would choose that.

If you are smart with your sports and know what players are going to perform on what nights prize picks are is the best app for you. For me, I love. I see a game that's about to start, I go into prize Picks app. I choose players more or less than the set projections, and bam, I'm locked in to the game. I'm firing on sports.

Prize picks is the best app for you. Download the app and use code. Theo. Prize picks will match your deposit up to $100. When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind.

We were selling t shirts at first, and then it started building. And now I'm selling sweatshirts and hoodies and things that people enjoy and things that I enjoy. And it's easy. And it's all because I used Shopify. Shopify is a global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business, from the launch your online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million orders?

Stage. Shopify is there to help you grow. Shopify helps turn browsers into buyers with the Internet's best converting checkout up to 36% better compared to other leading commerce platforms. And right now, you can sign up for a $1 per month trial period@shopify.com. Theo all lowercase.

Just go to shopify.com. T h e o. All lowercase now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com theo. So what?

Let me learn a little bit more about you, man. What, like, were your folks like? My folks, my loving parents. Best parents I could ask for. Pretty decent.

Pretty tall. Oh, no, they're pretty. Pretty short. I got handed the short stick of the family. My grandpa was over six or like six one, so.

And what happened? He just died. He died. Six one. But he didn't pass down anything good.

Sketch
Rest in peace, grandpa. Great guy, was he? Yeah. He took it all with him, though, he sounds like. No, yeah, he took the good blessings.

He left behind a washing machine and a couple other things, but that's not bad. Tyson. Yeah. Huh? Can't complain.

Theo Von
Is it really? No, I don't. I don't know. It went to my parents. I don't think I got anything.

Sketch
I didn't want anything. It's a weird thing to want. Yeah, I think. I don't know if it's weird to want something for your grandparents. I don't know.

Theo Von
We're talking and thinking so fast, it's hard to know what I'm talking about, but. So what does your mom do for work? My mom, she works with my dad, and my dad does home building. Oh, really? Yeah.

Sketch
So I would buy the land for them and then, like, we would approve it through, like, a committee or whatever. And then that's how I would transact. Oh, I see. So you. It was a family business?

Yes, sir. And then when, like. So when I stopped, it slowed down in 2023 from interest rates, and that's when I was like, fuck it, I'll just start streaming. And would not like to make money more. Just like, I have free time.

I had a pretty easy schedule with them. I didn't make a lot of money, but it was like, it was chill. It was like, enough to where it's like, just go in. I mean, you're not buying land or you are, so it's like, work from home. I might have got some free dollars from my dad on that one.

I'll tell you what, you probably shouldn't let anyone work from home. Pops, Robin and blind. Check your pockets. That's a horrible idea to let somebody work from home. Dude.

Theo Von
That's a. If it's your own family member, too, because they're just working from home, they're not doing nothing. Oh, yeah. And my boss wasn't a part of the family, so it's like, who's gonna. Who's gonna call me in?

Sketch
I was like, I feel like I should tell someone, but I'm loving life right now. It's a good thing that I found a new job. You're like, I feel like it's 11:00 a.m. I'm gonna take a nap early. Oh, yeah.

That's probably what time was waking up. Wow. Wake up. Pop on stream. Sending out.

I probably got two emails a day when I was working. Oh, so very. It was very easy. It was calm waters for you guys, huh? It was.

Yeah, I was just floating, floating down the river. And what were some of the emails you would get? Like, would it be people complaining like, hey, there's not enough land here, or there's quicksand out here, whitey, or something like that? Oh, there was. I had some bad purchases before.

I bought some stuff without looking at it. That's not. And then they go, oh, there's an easement on it. I was like, oh, shit. You didn't see that either.

I've had some good ones and some bad ones, some ugly babies. Oh, yeah, okay. You know, it's not. Hey, they're still babies. That's exactly, exactly.

It's. It's land regardless. Hey, and once you're. Yeah, you still gotta breastfeed them, brother. Yeah, look at that.

Lactose intolerant. But I'll take one for the team. So what kind of land was, what was the land? You would go bi. So what would you do with the land?

So it's like, roll it. And we were just like putting, we would spec houses on it. So, like, when I was doing it in 2020, like, your interest rates dropped. The man was up because he had a housing boom and builders were, like, looking to replace empty inventory. And it was.

I was over bidding on a lot of the shit. Like, I mean, from a thousand, like up to 1015 thousand. Like, that was the only way to get shit under contract. Really? Oh, yeah.

I had some good, we had some good sales. I was like, it was. But go on. No, we had some good, we had some good action on it. Yeah.

Yeah. You couldn't go wrong in 2020. It was pretty, it was just like picking up stuff off the ground, but overbid. How do you even, why, who would let you bid, who would, who would let you bid on land when. This is the.

Theo Von
Is the catch for. That's why I work from home. They didn't want to see me, dude. The CFO did not love me when they were looking for. Looking for better margins.

Sketch
It was, uh. The land was fucking them. Sorry for cussing, but look, that's what they get, bro. That's what happens. That's what happens when you don't.

You give a big dog a little leash now he's gonna, he's gonna fuck around. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. I mean, that's business 101. Oh, yeah.

We need checks and balances, but it's a small office, so, you know, just go to bomb mom. Come on, brother. We've overbid mom. What about. So your dad was like a prospector?

Kind of like, more like, what's a prospector? Like a. I think that's. Somebody actually looks for gold. So he wasn't that.

Theo Von
He was more like a guy, a developer, kind of like. Yes, sir. We did development and then we did home building. So, like, the stuff that I did was more like the home building side. Yeah.

Sketch
He started developing more in the past year, but, yeah, it was like pretty much pretty low key. Like pretty low lift stuff. Yeah, but, yeah, yeah. Two emails a day. That's pretty calm.

Theo Von
I feel like. Oh, yeah. And then you just respond to them within 24 hours. That's another loophole there. 48 hours.

Sketch
And we. I would text back or like, my emails are pretty good. Morning. One sentence. Thank you.

Yeah, there we go. No, no tag there. No number on there, dude. That's how. That's why I like to roll?

Theo Von
Yeah. I think mystery is a part of business that's missing these days. Yeah, you know, be vague. Don't give the inf. Yeah, you gotta keep your cards close to the vest.

Sketch
Don't. Don't let them see it. Make them want you. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Seduce them. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I like to do there. Yeah.

Theo Von
Yeah. That's a great idea. And so you were just losing your eyesight. You're at home. You're.

And you living at home. Oh, that's. That was at my house. Okay. Like, I don't own the house, but I live with my roommate, which is one of my childhood friends.

Okay. And then. Cooper. No, what's his name? Cooper.

Sketch
Yeah, Cooper. Great guy. He. Yeah, he's a liquor salesman, so we got a pretty good. He's a plug there.

Theo Von
Yeah. And does he drink a lot? He might have a problem. No, I'm just kidding. He's a good guy.

Sketch
I don't know. Yeah, we all ip rested. Rest in peace. He's about to start streaming. Is he?

We're about to start a collective. Okay, so what is that? So a collective? So. Well, so take me.

Theo Von
Let me go back a little bit. So how do you make money on streaming? The ad revenue and subs. So, like, the ad revenue is like, from how many viewers you have and all that stuff, and then how long you're doing it all matters. But I do that in YouTube.

Sketch
But I don't stream that much. I stream like four times a month right now. Okay. So it's like, pretty. Cuz I just.

I like. I make enough money where it's like, cool and all that stuff, but it's also like, I like to do stuff that I. That's fun and like, still, like doing stuff like this or going to UFC 300 and stuff like that. Like that. That's what I like to do.

Theo Von
Yeah. Dude, that was so great. Yeah, that's where I met you at, was at power slab. Yeah, that was. That was awesome.

Yeah, it's so interesting in there. What did you think of it? Oh, I loved it. I definitely would go again. Yeah.

Sketch
Yeah, they were knocking the shit out of each other, but I don't know if I would go up there and hold that stick behind my back and drying each other's hands out and stuff. Like slapping them with a freaking pan or some shit. Yeah. I think for some reason, and I wish they told you why the guys were upset with each other. That's the part that I feel like as an audience, it would be awesome.

Oh, I know. They needed, they need to add the, like, the street beef aspect of it. Yeah. I had one of the dudes from the slap box while I was going for one of them and then the other side, his, like, ring guy or whatever, whoever was with him was like going, fuck. Fuck off, sketch.

He's yelling at me when I was going for the other guy. Oh, I saw you cheer. Really getting into it for one guy. Dude, it was, that was a good fight. Yeah.

That dude knocked out the favorite. He's like -2000 or something. Yeah. Look at that. Those guys are warriors.

I would tell you what, I would not catch me dead or alive doing that. It, you know, I think there's something to me about it. One thing that I think is really interesting. I noticed it this time. I think there's this element of, like, if you survive the slap that the gods are, you are in your favor.

Theo Von
You know, there's this feeling of like, like the gods want me to keep going. So I started to kind of notice that amongst some of the guys like that, that was one of the things that must keep some of them, like, must really be like a high energy, like after the slap. Yeah. They go back to the corner. They're not talking to the guy.

Sketch
They're just praying. Yeah. Pray for rain, brother. Pray for rain. Yeah.

That would be a shitty situation to be in. They have good snacks there too. Did you have any of the snacks in the back? Bussing. Yeah, Bussin.

Theo Von
And they had some cute chicks there. They had some kind of wild guys and stuff there. I thought. Oh, yeah, no, he's a good, it was a good crowd, good crew. I loved it.

Sketch
I would definitely do it again. Yeah. How often is that your first one or you've gone to. This is my 2nd 1 second one. Yeah.

Theo Von
And it's growing on me. Yeah, it's a. I'm waiting for them to, like, start opening up the stands or whatever for like, you know, where they host, like host more people and stuff. I'll see how that does. It'll be interesting.

Yeah, it's a limit. They only have maybe like 400 people in there. Yeah. And then it's also like, I mean, like, they're only, if they're playing like three rounds, it's like six laps if everyone stands up. So it's pretty, pretty chop chop.

Sketch
So I imagine that's what they're trying to find out. What it. Oh, like, almost. Still experimenting. Yeah.

Theo Von
It still feels an underground kind of vibe to it, doesn't it? Yeah. Like street fight. Yeah. We're at a street fight.

Yeah, it really does. It really does feel like a lot of underground. I didn't think about that, but, yeah, there was, like, some prores. There was the champion, Damien Priest, I think. Was there?

Sketch
Oh, yeah. Um, yeah. I mean, it's just definitely interesting. And watching those guys come up, and then people are just snacking, and they look, and some guy, like, just eviscerates somebody. Yeah.

I love that feeling. Yeah, love the feeling. It was great watching. What? Did you ever play any combat sports or anything like that?

Theo Von
Or what did I play? Oh, I've done, like, just, like, trained some, like, jiu jitsu, but I've never fought in a jew. In a fight. Yeah. Like a mma fight or anything?

Sketch
Hell, no. But, yeah, I didn't play. I played basketball in high school. That was about it. You're a basketball player.

Are you taller than I thought you were? Really? Maybe it's the tv I'm watching on my eyesight. But you're way taller. How tall are you?

Six. I could tell you anything. I'm seven four. Oh, yeah. You're gonna catch me slipping here.

So I hope someone doesn't find out that I can't read or not read, but can't see, because then it's a. Those contracts are getting longer. Sign me to give away some organs. I'm down one right now, or two. I don't have an appendix or missing one kidney.

Theo Von
Are you really? Yeah. And, well, dude, if you're missing a kidney, that's probably why it has to do something with your eyesight, huh? Yeah. Can you have one kidney and see?

Very good. Will you pull that up? That's a. That actually might be. We might find out the problem here.

Kidney and. Yeah. Are kidney and eyes related? The kidney and the eyes have a lot in common on a physiological level. As a result of the strong link between these two organs, the causes for kidney and eye diseases are the same in many cases.

Wow. And so what happened to your first original kidney? I was just born without one. No way. Bored without one.

Wow. -250,000 when I was born. That's how much a kidney cost. I looked it up the other day. 250.

Sketch
Quarter mil. Quarter ticket there. Um, would you get one if we. Can get you one? Oh, if.

Yeah, yeah, I would take one. You would? I would take one if they don't need it or something. Yeah, I would like to have two. I don't know if I have one mega one or if there's just a blank spot in the middle of my gut or they're back here?

Theo Von
Yeah. I don't know. Does it feel any different than the other side or whatever? Sometimes if I don't drink water, it hurts to pee, but I don't know if that's my kidney or my wiener. You gotta get some.

But we gotta get you some water, man. Oh, no, somebody's got to. I've been drinking all day. Oh, yeah. I've been working on it.

Sketch
I'm trying to. Trying to fix these things. Get some oil in the car. It's like driving a car without oil. My fucking brain's got black smoke in it right now.

Damn, bro. Man, I'm about to freaking pass out. Oh, my gosh, bro, we're gonna need to have triple a pull up in here, dude. Yeah, bro, you gotta. Yeah, we gotta get some water in you.

Theo Von
What did you play? But I saw you playing athletics and I saw you playing football online. Yeah, so you played football? I played football, but I went to, like, a private school for a year and I played there. Oh, so it's all whites, huh?

Sketch
Oh, yeah, it was definitely. It was, like, a lot of play. The wide receivers were dual sport athletes and soccer. So it was, like, pretty easy. 120 pound ride receivers.

Like, throwing them around. That was. I was pretty thick back then. I was, like, 205 when I was in. Really?

Theo Von
You were lifting a lot of weights? Yeah, well, so my parents. Well, I have, like, a thing where, like, if. Well, especially during school, I was like, if they ever gave me, like, when I was younger, I would go and, like, if they gave. Put their card on the lunch line, we'd have chick fil a and stuff in there.

Sketch
So I'd get, like, two or three chick fil a sandwiches. They cut me off. And then, like, fast forward. What's the private school part of it is, like, the meal plan or whatever. Now, I took advantage of it.

Theo Von
Like, no other that why they just. They have a lot more unlimited meal kind of style. It's just like, yeah, well, if I wouldn't pack my lunch, really. So if I. If I would, I would just show up kind of hungry and then fucking kind of.

Sketch
Kind of mill around like a raccoon between my friends. Yeah. When I was in middle school, there's this one kid named Bryce. But he would. He was a nice guy, but if you asked him nicely enough, he'd buy you a chicken sandwich every day.

Theo Von
Really? Yeah, every day. Every day. Mister. I don't.

Sketch
Bryce C. He probably. If he ever sees this. Thank you. Bryce C.

Won't drop his last name. Yeah, Bryce thank you. I owe you chick fil a, brother. For a long time, it sounds like. Oh, yeah, I was getting.

Theo Von
How many meals did you pull off that fella? Probably three sandwiches a week. At least 30, 30 weeks. And it was probably over the course of five years or four years. I mean, that's 450 sandwiches, man.

Sketch
I feel bad now. I probably own some chicken minis or something. I owe him a whole chicken. A whole farm here. Definitely.

Now, I heard the chicken, that chick fil a is kind of fucked up, so I can't get him back the right way. Sorry for cussing, but no, there's a lot of people. What happened to the chicken at chick fil A? Let's bring that up and. Yeah, we'll have to do something nice for Bryce, man.

Theo Von
Maybe we'll see if we can't get something sent over to him. You have his address or anything? Oh, I have no clue. I know he's a triplet, so. Oh, well, we hit one of the three.

Sketch
It's more of his pops that I owe. Well, he's a great guy, but I owe his pops. Well, this is the kind of shit. I don't know his pops. Weiner stutters okay, I made three of.

The same one of these. One of these. It just dangles a little bit. Well, it just. Anybody who's making three of the same kid, bro, like, we get it, right?

Theo Von
Quiet down. Three headed dragon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't believe in twins and triplets. Right.

Where I'm from, if people was twins, it would make them fight until one of them one, you know? And that was one that everybody talked to. Yeah. What does it say? Citing diminishing chicken supply, chick fil a will back off its pledge never to serve chicken that was fed antibiotics.

Wow. So instead, it will embrace a looser industry standard. No antibiotics important to human medicine. So I guess it can't have, like, chicken that's on, like, I guess, a z pack or whatever. Or some of those chickens probably on Xanax now.

Sketch
It's 20 2024 now. Well, especially some of the flooding in that area. I remember when it flooded in our area and my buddy's mom got on pills after that and quit working. So, yeah, I'm sure a lot of this chicken is something to do with. The pills they're probably wanting to add Rodriguez.

That's probably why they're so skinny. They're all out there. Everyone thinks chickens are stupid. They're just wired to shit. They're on 50 milligrams of good stuff there.

Theo Von
Oh, they'll make an egg in eight minutes now. Oh, they'll cook it for you, too. They'll fucking start. Put it on the grill for you. How do you want it?

Sketch
How do you want it, brother? Start flipping that thing. Oh, they're serving it a lot. Yeah, I think that's true. If a chicken's on Adderall, it could serve that egg any way they want.

Theo Von
Why don't we cut out the middleman of the chef and get a chicken to serve the egg ready to order? I like that idea. It's more probably humane there. I don't care. Actually.

Sketch
I eat rags regardless. I eat a lot of meat. Do you? Well, this would save you time. I mean, I think.

Theo Von
Imagine you, a chicken can do that. Boil or scramble would be crazy. I guess. You gotta be able to know how to boil water there. They've been on earth for as long as we have, so it's pretty.

But if we could heat their bodies up enough in a safe environment where they don't pass away, but they're able to serve. I like that idea. We buy like a YMCA with a sauna already in there. Put them in the sauna. Let them work out.

Sketch
Let them use the equipment, maybe give them some library books. I think if we had, like, Ted talks going 24/7 they'd probably start gaining some information there. Oh, I think there's no way they're not gonna pick things up. Oh, they probably pick stuff up without us knowing. Yeah.

Little crazy little claws there. Oh, I can only imagine if I were a little fucking chicken. That's the thing about chicken. They're just like. That's how they.

They're like that. Then when they're on the adderall, it's like, when it turns into more like a hummingbird. That's all it is. They probably. That's a good business plan there.

We need to trademark that stuff before it's it. Before it's gone. Yeah, well, I'm sure it'll be gone the second somebody hears it. They're gonna. It's already gone.

Theo Von
That's the problem with today. Yeah, that's gonna be like the. I forget the name of it, but probably a war crime to give chickens amphetamines. Well, it's just sad that chick fil a is resorting to getting this bootleg chicken. And a lot of the chicken has probably been through, you know, has complex trauma.

It's probably. Who knows where it's from? Probably. It could be Memphis, it could be East St. Louis.

Who knows where? A lot of these animals are coming from now. Yeah. From all over. All over the world.

Sketch
Chicago, too. Oh, yeah. I mean, just some of the US choosing to have different chicken. That's gonna change everybody. That's gonna change marriages.

Theo Von
There are marriages out there that are based solely on the fact that twice a week they eat chick fil a together. That's true. My aunt actually got proposed to in canes. In a canes box. Yeah.

She did not like that idea inside of a cane. Opened it up. It was on the Texas toast. No way. Guess way.

Sketch
It was the worst idea. The forever combo. It was a short marriage, though. She's reburied now. Lovely lady.

Theo Von
Is she? Yeah. Yes, sir. Happy and, you know. Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I think. Where would you. Would you do it? At a cane's? What is the best fast food, or quick dining, as they like to say, place to get married at, you think is Chili's count?

Sketch
Is Chili's fast? No, that's not fast enough. That's high class dining. Pass. I mean, it's good food.

If you can get liquor there, it probably doesn't count. Well, no, Chili's is great. I think it's just a lot. Chili's is a place you can meet women easily, I think. Oh, yeah.

Theo Von
So I think if it's a place you can probably easily meet women that, then it's not applicable. Chili's cutter reminds me of this, my first time going on Broadway. But it's like, I see two groups of people. It's either super young chicks or super old chicks. It's like the young chicks are partying the older people or, like, going to war museums or something like that.

Sketch
That's how chick fil a is at the bar. Or not. The chili's is at the bar. It's a mixed bag out there. Chili's is a great place to go back to in your hometown and make love to someone that you didn't get to talk to in high school.

Rekindle a flame there. Two for 22 for 20. Get it rolling, you know, get nap with it. I'll tell you what. You ever made love after half and mozzarella sticks?

Shit just sits in you. It's like a gumball machine. You gotta shake me and twist me and get that shit out of me, brother. Yeah, that's love, man. I wonder how many relationships have been started at some of these different types of food chains.

Theo Von
Chill. Oh, couples are getting engaged at Chili's. Okay, so I guess it's a thing now. Oh, it is. Oh, that's good.

Actually, because. Yeah. Cause sometimes it's so hard to decide where to get engaged at. And a lot of public parks and everything are very dangerous now. Yeah.

And so. Yeah, there's some couples right there getting engaged. Where would you get engaged? I think I'd go old school. I'd go inside of a McDonald's.

Sketch
That's good. That's a good start. Maybe the drive through. Think about it in the drive through. Go in when you.

Theo Von
Yeah, don't give her much time. That way, if you pop out from behind the drive through sign, that's perfect. She's like, yeah, I would like a McWhatever. Yeah. And you have a proposal with the shit traps.

Yeah. And you'd be like, oh, do you want this McHusband? And you pop out from behind there. That's that chick fil a chicken. A chick fil a chicken.

Sketch
Make you make some irrational decisions now. Yeah. Or you want this MC prenup and you just roll out from behind. It's on the receipt. It's on the receipt lady.

Lovely lady, though. Maybe a waffle house. I bet. Waffle house. That's got a loyal crowd there.

It's like cracker barrel. Yeah. Waffles. I think people would cheer you on as well. They're gonna be like, we want this love.

Theo Von
We want these mf'ers. Somebody would yell, mfers. Or even queers at you sometimes. Yeah. And we can bleep that out, but people will yell, we love these queers.

Even if it's straight people getting married. Yeah. Oh, here's one right here. We can actually watch this one. Look at this.

Wolf House is a Valentine's Day tradition for John and Julie. Oh, that's cute, huh? That is cute. A real man. Look, baby, it takes a real man to make.

Sketch
I'm taking notes here, and I just have one question. Will you marry me? Wow.

Theo Von
Oh, he put it on a waffle you guys can't see. But the waiter, who's a male waiter at Waffle House, which you don't even see very often, which you have to pay extra to get, brought it over. And it was a ring, a wedding ring opened in a box on a waffle. That is the way to do it there. Oh, put it.

Thing. You're going to want that waffle a little bit. So you're gonna say yes just to get a little bit of hit of that wall. Yeah, you gotta. You either gotta eat it or you gotta frame it or something.

Sketch
Probably turned into something crazy. Yeah. Where would you go? You'd think I guess. Chili's.

Theo Von
That's a good answer, huh? Chili's. I like Chili's. Maybe. I don't know.

Sketch
I got engaged last weekend at Vegas, so maybe do that again. You got really engaged? It was. I don't know if it's real yet, but it's. We did get married.

She was offered acceptance. It's a legal, legal contract. I'll find out how much money she makes. I'll preing up her ass. Here you go.

I need a cut of that Snapchat, please. Dang. And is she's a Snapchat artist or something? No. Fitness lady.

Theo Von
Wow. Yep. And where'd you meet her? Online. My brother sent me up.

Sketch
Nick Narasina. Oh, yeah, I met Nick. Yeah, I met him at the fights. And he set you up with a gal? Yeah, that's what we did the day before.

She wasn't with me at that fight. So things are rough sledding. Rough sledding bad. Start out the gate, turbulence. Like Captain Sully.

I hit a geese, take off, and we're in the water. Someone come get us. Wow. But it's, you know, loving. Loving the married life.

Theo Von
Yeah, it seems like it, man. Yeah. Because that's a big challenge, dude, I think, is getting married and being willing to be married. You know, I've had friends that get married, and then they'll come over the next day and they'd be like, dude, fuck. They'll be like, fuck, man, I'm married.

You know? Yeah. I can't. That's why I can't. I don't like anything long term.

Yeah. Keep everything month to month. A month. A month contract. That's another business idea there.

This heart is month to month. Yeah, exactly. You know, I can love you as long as I can think. Yeah, I can love you as long as this electric bill lasts. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Sketch
Love you as long as it takes me to get to you by foot. By Lander C. Oh, I saw in Vegas you got a Lamborghini. Did you really get. I got a lamb.

I did get a Lamborghini. No way. Yeah. I'll tell you what. It looks pretty there.

Theo Von
Oh, that's beautiful. Steve is such a nice guy. Oh, I love Steve. He's awesome. He's built with such a unique joy inside of him.

Sketch
Yeah. He's a great person to be around. He is. Yeah. It literally is like being around the sun, kind of.

Yeah. It's like the sun just is like hanging out with the radiating. You get. You get positive energy off him. Always good vibes.

Theo Von
He surprised you with this. We walked outside to Red Rock, and it was sitting out there. I had no clue what was going on. Have you driven it at all? Not yet.

Sketch
It's actually. It's coming from North Carolina, and it's going to be in Houston when I get back. No way. Yeah. You're like, what do you even do with the Lamborghini then?

Theo Von
If you. Cause if you get home, where are you going to? I'm putting it in my garage. Houston has a lot of potholes, so if I fuck up that. A rim or a fender, I don't know.

Sketch
If I'm shelling out the cash for that thing, I'll just have him. Fucked up sports car in there. It'll look cool, though. I think it does. I'll just leave the garage open 24/7 try to get the hot dog walkers.

You want to see something? You want to see some horses? Yeah. If you just sit in there and floor it. Did that a couple times.

It was cool. Yeah, dude, we had a guy that used to ride. They had these girls by us that were twins, I think, or something was wrong with one of them, but they would sit on the back of this, like, Mustang. It was a convertible. And this guy would always drive around like he was cool.

Theo Von
And then he one time, like, floored it, and they both fell off. Oh, my God. Yeah. It's like those people that do the wheelies on. On quads and fall off.

Yeah. Yeah. That's a dangerous game there. Yeah. Yeah.

It's a little bit risky, man. Yeah. Yeah. New car ownership is definitely interesting, but a car like that, you can't even hide anywhere, Scott. Oh, yeah.

Sketch
I'll tell you that. The insurance ain't gonna be cheap, brother. Not after my first crash, too. What's up, brother? These rates, bro.

Yeah. They're like. Oh, you totaled a tacoma. What is the next thing you want on your ticket? It's all.

It's a Lamborghini, sir. Aviator Lamborghini. Look at that thing. It's got wings on it. It's gonna be a big uptick, huh?

I know. I'm going to. I'll probably ride it. Ride it a couple times. We're keeping a neighborhood.

Just. Sunday drive? Yeah, Sunday drive. That's the move. Yeah.

Theo Von
Oh, you could do last laps for, like, women. Like, senior citizen women that are like dementia or whatever. Oh, yeah. They have that where somebody will come and take them in a. Like, on a last lap or whatever.

Sketch
Oh, yeah. Like a. Like a NASCAR little. Little do around. Yeah.

Theo Von
Just something, you know, just so the. Yeah, so they can feel that, you know, just. Just feel fun, you know, hang their head out the window or whatever. See the sun again. Usually if they tuck them away in.

Those houses, just have one last orbit around the neighborhood. You got to go through two. You got to go through an airlock to get to Grandma. It's usually not a good sign. Yeah.

One last run through the wind before the Lord brings him home. You know, there's one of it right there. Look at that. 83 year old man's birthday wish to ride in a Lamborghini comes true. Dude, you could do this for so many people.

Sketch
I would do that. I'll have prunes and oranges and cottage cheese in there for them. All that. All that stuff. And they can hang their head out the window, too.

Theo Von
I think it makes them feel good, too. I think that would be wonderful, man. But the only thing about a yellow Lamborghini is it's also a. It's. I think it's kind of like a gay beacon or whatever.

Sketch
Oh, yeah. So it's definitely going to attract a lot of gay men's out there. Hey, take any eyeballs. That's purposes for attention here. That's it.

Theo Von
You got to take what you can get. Look at this. They're taking pictures of the car. They probably got some hot friends. There we go.

Sketch
Everything works out there. Good thing it's black, too. It's black. Yeah, it's going to be. Oh, I thought it was yellow.

So we took a picture with that one, and then he's sending me one. Oh, so the one you're getting is black. All black, brother. Yeah, because yellow is. Look at.

Theo Von
There you go right there. And there's a young man already sitting on that one shirtless. Yeah. And that guy is looking to meet another guy. Probably.

Maybe not. I'm not saying that. Probably got tape over his nipples. Probably. Chafing.

Sketch
Chafing. I'm just saying because. Yeah, dude, I remember the first time we had a gay guy in our neighborhood, or a dude, he said. He told us he was an EMT or whatever, and he had me and my buddies doing, like, CPR on each other, right? Practicing.

Theo Von
Well, then there was a fire in our neighborhood, and somebody got burned, and so somebody's like, we got to run over to Mister Gary's house. He's an EMT, can help. And somebody's like, that dude's not an EMT dude. He's just kind of, you know. He's a gay dude.

Sketch
Yeah. He's perfect on people. Like, oh, shit. Oh, my gosh. That's pretty.

Theo Von
Well, then, what about these certificates he gave us for CPR? You're full. Certified. There's lips. You gave him a little tongue in there, brother.

Sketch
He's trying to breathe. I didn't do anything. This one kid, William, was. He was a fucking weirdo. But.

Theo Von
But, yeah, we shouldn't have been over there, but it doesn't matter. But. But he ended up having a vehicle like that, you know? And this other guy named Big Roy would always play Navy with us at his house. He had one of those big bathtubs.

Sketch
Yeah. Oh, like a bathtub. And we would Navy over there. There you go. You got underwater torpedoes.

I mean, look. Hey, look, dude, it was just. Yeah, I was just like. I was barely enlisted, so. You were just part time Coast Guard, I think that is coast Guard.

He was almost in there. You never left the port? I was coast Guard. I was in active duty. There you go.

Helicopter ride. Me swinging that thing around. What else can we talk about? I'll take it for a ride. Are you gonna drive it?

I got a. Well, my first two days are scheduled. Already got some ladies. Yeah. One of the ladies I'm with right now.

Yeah. Well. Oh, look at this. Beautiful, beautiful ladies. Look at this hard at work.

Theo Von
Her name is. We'll just not say BG. BG, yeah. There we go. Um.

That's a be. That's a good name. And I think she seems like a nice person. She is a nice person. Yeah.

Sketch
Tell you what, I'm fucking lightheaded. I ate like, a bird yesterday. Eat with her. I was trying not to eat too much and. Yeah, yeah, it was great.

Theo Von
And do you like. Yeah. What's that like now? Cause you're meeting more ladies and stuff. More ladies get to see you.

Sketch
Yeah. Has that been kind of nerve wracking to go from, like, were you comfortable, like, growing up, were you comfortable talking with ladies and stuff? I was not very good. I just always had a friend, group of friends or whatever, and then probably had too high hopes with a lot of ladies, so it was usually flying solo. Oh, yeah.

But I also. When I go out, I like to go go ham, I guess. So. It's like, I like to move light, you know, moving solo, getting through cracks and stuff like that. That's how you like to travel?

Theo Von
Kind of. Oh, yeah. It's. I don't. Well, I just like to do your own thing?

Sketch
Yeah, like, I just. Like, even before I'm doing something, like, if like this, I like to pace around or something and sort of do that with other people. Yeah. And so now it's a little different, though. Cause you can meet.

Theo Von
It's easier to meet ladies now. Cause they can see you without you having to be. You know, they get. They see you online, they see on socials. It's easier.

Sketch
Yeah. And it's hard to get on Tinder when you're sketch or whatever. Because then it's like. It's like a. How do you get on Tinder with your.

With the Persona or whatever. It's like what? Right? Yeah, that's why. Talking to all ladies from where I live.

Theo Von
Are you? Yes, sir. That's who that is. Over. That's a lady.

Sketch
Look at her. Yeah, she looks nice. Looks better than the guy that you brought. Yeah, he's handsome, but it's. Look at that.

That's a great haircut. Yeah. Beautiful guy. Barbara took it up high, didn't he? Yeah, Barbara, definitely.

Fresh chop brother guy Fiori on the top. Military sides. Yeah, it has an upstairs when they say that. Yeah, it does. This haircut has an upstairs.

It's a penthouse. Penthouse chop there. It's gonna be more expensive to heat. Yeah, that heat bill is probably expensive on that motherfucker. Don't worry.

It's cold in the winter, it's hot in the summer. It's just. Don't worry. It's just a remodeled attic. Yes, sir.

Thank you, brother. Blue chew. You want it? You want to chew it? You want to chew your way to some wienery goodness?

Theo Von
Blue chew can help. This episode is sponsored by Blue Chew. Guys, remember the days when you were always ready to go, when you were sprung?

Well, bluechew.com can help. Bluechew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, cialis, and Levitra, but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost. The process is simple. Sign up@bluechew.com consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. I take them.

I like them. I like them. Blue Chew wants to help you have better sex. Discover your options@bluechew.com. Chew it and do it.

We know, and we've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Blue Chew free when you use our promo code Theo at checkout. Just pay dollar five shipping. That's b l Dash e c Dash e w.com promo code Theo. To receive your first month free, visit bluechu.com for more details and important safety information.

And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast you know, one in five Americans have learn a new language on their bucket list. If that's you, make 2024 the year you finally check it off the list with Babbel. That's right, Babbel's quick ten minute lessons are handcrafted by over 200 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. Babbel's tips and tools are approachable, accessible, and rooted in real life situations. Babbel has over 16 million subscriptions sold, plus, all of Babbel's 14 award winning language courses are backed by their 20 day money back guarantee.

Here's a special deal for our listeners right now. Get up to 60% off your babbel subscription, but only for our listeners@babbel.com. Theo Babbel is helping me work on my Spanish, and I'm grateful for that. You can get up to 60% off@babbel.com. T h e o.

Spelled babbel.com theo. Rules and restrictions may apply. Today's episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. You know, I'm somebody who's gotten help for countless things, as you know from listening to this podcast. And I remember a time when I was really down and I was in pretty immediate need of receiving some mental health therapy.

And I contacted Betterhelp, and within no time, I was on the phone with a therapist and that offered me some. Just immediately, I started to feel better. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give betterhelp a try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule.

Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time. And I want to recommend that you do that. If you try with a therapist and you feel like, hey, this may not be the one for me, try another one. See how it goes. Find your sweet spot with your mental health with betterhelp.

Visit betterhelp.com theo today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp help.com theo. This episode is sponsored by Betterhelp. Yeah, when you think about love and stuff like that, have you been in love, you think before, like, with. No, not really.

Sketch
I just. I don't really. Not dating someone is like, it's like, hard to define love. Like, I love people. Love all but people.

But, like, it's like love like that. No, not yet. And were you dating anybody in high school and stuff or. No, no. I was, uh, I moved high school, um, when I went to that private school, and then I went back, so it was kind of just like all random timing.

Then when I was in college, I had transferred to four colleges, so it was kind of bouncing around. Yeah. Were you getting kicked out or what were you doing? Um, I was just homesick. So, like, I went to Mississippi state.

Oh, it was too far. So I moved to ou. That was, uh, I was underperforming what I was paying. Well, like, I was like, I went to Texas State from there because it was like I was doing a business, but I was, like, not even, like, really doing great at it. So I was like, I might as well pay less.

Like, I don't need to need the degree or whatever. Yeah, I don't need to do poorly, expensively. Exactly. You know, I'd rather, you know, and. Yeah, you were just homesick, kind of.

Theo Von
Dude, when I went to. I went to University of Arizona the first semester I was coming college, and I was so homesick. Oh, really? Bro, it was horrible. I bet that's a, that's a culture shock there.

Sketch
From the bayou to the parishes to the. Yeah, it was, dude, it was just like, a lot of people with sunburn and a lot of, like, violencia and, like, mexican people, like, just beating each other up and, like, abandoned car washes and stuff and beautiful area tire shops and. Yeah, just a lot of people. Yeah, yeah, dude, a lot of, like, mexican people just threatening to fucking change your tires, you know, like, just. Amigo.

Yeah. Love, love my hispanics. Hey, que paso, hermano? Yes, sir. See you, senor.

Theo Von
So you went to. That was cool. So were you really homesick? I was homesick, and then I loved Texas state, and then COVID happened and. I was just like, oh, so then you're home.

Sketch
I just got my real estate license, started working with my dad, and then was like, just didn't. I wasn't really good at school, so I was like, I'm just to do this. Yeah. And then somehow got here and. What are your parents?

Theo Von
Are they still married? Is it still married? Still paying off a college bill? I will probably have to, not have to, but hopefully one day give them a little cash back there. Yeah, I need to give them some free play.

Oh, yeah. I think they deserve probably something. Yeah, yeah. A skateboard or something or. Yeah, something probably less dangerous for him.

Sketch
The supreme one. Yeah. Put a sticker on it. Even a skateboard you just put on the wall in the room. A long board.

Theo Von
Yeah. Maybe a line bike or a two seater. One of those two seater bikes. Oh, yeah. Dude, my stepparents used to always go ride on that, man.

And everybody in the neighborhood would call them, just yell out queers at him. And I was like, what are we doing? Oh, my gosh. I'll tell you what. I would take a sidecar for sure that those are actually really hard to drive.

Sketch
Yeah. And those are hard. Hard. They're harder to be seen on, I feel like, than driving. Who cares if you can drive it or not?

Theo Von
I just feel like being seen on. That is unbelievable. That's like a bike helmet. Like, if my dad ever wears a bike helmet, dude, I'm out. Yeah, I don't.

Sketch
It's like, I don't. I wouldn't trust the driver on the front of that thing. Like you're sitting there and. Yeah, especially if it's your husband or something. Cause spouses are always getting rid of their husbands.

Theo Von
Look at these two guys right here. Couple of vietnamese guys biking.

What? Yeah. What? So you never really been in love yet then, huh? So you didn't start dating till after yesterday?

Sketch
Was probably my first real date. Nuh uh. Yes, sir. No way. And you were.

He was helping me out. Here, let's look at that. Go. Let's go, bro. Your first date.

Theo Von
And where did you guys go? We went to Eddie V's. Oh, it's nice there. Eddie Vee's. They have table calls in there.

Sketch
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was. It was fine dining. We had some steak.

Had, like, two bites of it. Everyone's trying to stay light. Yeah. The date doesn't eat much, huh? No, she was.

She had. She felt some pressure, I guess. Hey, look. Yeah. A lot of.

Theo Von
They don't want to. Yeah, I think women don't. I think. Well, sorry to interrupt you. Go on.

Tell me more about the date. So we went to Eddie V's, and then we went out on Broadway. That was fun. And then that was it. Go to some bars.

Sketch
Some bars. We were bar hopping. Yeah, the bars here were pretty crazy, so it was fun time we had. Definitely. We both needed iv's in the morning, so.

Theo Von
Really? Yeah. And was it a I don't even want to be inappropriate? Was it like, sleep in the same bed type of date, or was it like, a save room, gentlemen. Yes, sir.

Sketch
Yes, sir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Here we go. You don't need to score all the way in the first half. Come on.

It's a first inning here. Hey, look, I feel you. Here we go. I love your attitude, man. Wow, dude.

Theo Von
Did it feel, like, romantic? Like, how were you feeling? I was feeling butterflies. Butterflies with a little bit of the beer. Shit.

Sketch
I drank on the flight. It was getting to me. You drank on the flight? Oh, I just don't like. So I drink a little bit when I fly.

Theo Von
Yeah. Or maybe a lot. But whatever I'm feeling, depending on how long the flight is, a lot of. Step dads and aggressive, like business lesbians will drink on flights. I noticed.

Go on flights all the time. Yeah. Wow. Brother. And so you've had a couple drinks, you get there.

Did you go pick her up, or. How did you guys do it? Same flight. You came together. Oh, yeah.

Wait, so you knew her already? Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought you said this was the first date. Well, first date, but. First time.

Sketch
It's a lifelong friend. Oh, it's not lifelong. More later in life. Okay, a later in life friend. And you're only.

Theo Von
How old are you? 25. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So it's a new friend.

Sketch
Yeah, pretty new. Yeah, pretty new. I was new love. It's like puppy love. Oh, yeah.

Theo Von
Oh, I love it. It can't even catch a frisbee in its mouth yet. Yeah, exactly. You know, we were stubborn. Don't know how to hold hands.

Sketch
Don't know how to walk together. I was trying to open doors. It's pretty hard when they're fast walkers. Oh, calm down. So come back here.

But I'm on camera here. Please. Oh, wow. So did it feel like there was. It must have felt awesome, huh?

It was awesome. Tell you what, I'd do it again. Night two. Day two. This could be it.

Theo Von
Another night. I know. This is. Well, now it's getting to the back half, so I might have to hit the panic button on the. No, I'm just kidding.

That's true. The second day, but also, it's the bet. It's like, if it still feels good, that's the best thing. Oh, yeah, I think you're right. The worst move is to try to, like, play all your cards and, like, be like the hero on the first night or whatever.

Sketch
Yeah. You know, that's a rookie move. Really? It's a rookie move. I like to well impressed her very well in the beginning, and then next time we hang out, it's probably not gonna be as good.

Theo Von
That's what I'm saying. There we go. Eddie Vee's first time. Yeah. Cracker barrel.

Sketch
Next time. Here we go. Breakfast. Breakfast food. Nothing wrong with biscuits and gravy.

Biscuits and boobies. I'm just kidding, dude. Yeah. Do you remember even feeling like. Were you ever.

Theo Von
Did you ever have like a crush on one of your teachers or anything? I had some. You know what? You know, I was gonna say, dude, when it comes to taking girls for love for dinner, you gotta get them seafood, bro. That's exactly.

Sketch
You're speaking the language. Really? Yeah. Eggs. Not eggs.

What do you call it? Crab. Yeah. Some people say eggs are the seafood of a farm anyway. Oh, yeah.

But. But, yeah, women love seafood, man, because women love. The. Women love to go to the beach. Seafood is.

Theo Von
Lives right outside of the beach. Yeah, that's, uh. That's about as romantic it as it gets. Oh, I remember one time. Yeah.

I took this girl to seafood. We went to lunch and. Oh, and then after I. I had, like, a big crush on this girl, and I tried to hold her hand, and she wouldn't hold my hand. Oh, that's brutal.

Oh, I was like, give me back my fucking crab cake. Yeah, start giving her a heimlich. Give me it back, please. Yeah, that's a lump crab. That's king crab, brother.

Sketch
We need that shit back. Yeah, this ain't queen crab, mama. Oh, yeah, we're pulling this out of you. Oh, yeah, we got that. We hit the wrong person here, so.

Theo Von
Yeah, that's something. I know. If you. Women like seafood and. And they just like it, dude, you buy a girl a fish dinner, get her a couple fish medallions, or however they cut it up, they love it, man.

You know what I thought? I wonder if it would be cool to date a mermaid or not. That would be cool. Half. Half real, half fake.

Well, just their mermaid. What is a mermaid made out of? How much is it human and how much of is it fish? Can you bring that up, please? I'm guessing 45%.

Sketch
No, not 45%. It'd probably be 60% fish. Yeah, I'm guessing more 60% fish.

Well, here would be the. Give a crush on any mermaids or something or. No, I just thought. I was just thinking about it, what it would really be like, because there's always these kind of, like, romantic ideas of a mermaid, you know? Yeah.

Theo Von
But no one ever really thinks about the day to day of it. Yeah. You're not gonna be able to bring her home? No, there's not gonna be any. I mean, there'll be some intimacy, but there's no set.

There's. She doesn't have, like, a lower. So there's just what's. Like. She's dressed sexy.

Sketch
That's. The fish scales are like, latex, you know? Yeah. Great touch. Great feel, right.

Theo Von
But they don't have. They're just a fish from the bottom. So you'd have to, like. I think there's. Yeah, there's a lot of.

You could probably ride on her back underwater. That would be pretty cool. That would be cool. Look at that. I guess there's some highlights of it, but then what would happen is you'd fall in love, you'd bring her home, you'd get her a tank.

Sketch
No, you get her a tank. That's the only way you could do it. Yeah. Yeah, that or a swimming pool. Yeah, and look.

Theo Von
Yeah. Maybe like the fifth year anniversary, you get her a pool or whatever. I don't think you start with a pool right out of the gate. Yeah. I love swim up bars.

Sketch
It's like we died at a swim up bar every time. That works. That works. Here you go. You ever been in.

You ever been to a swim up bar? Oh, yeah, I have. I like sitting there and it's the craziest place where people can just pee on each other, like, secretly. I always pee in the pool. No guilt, no survivor's remorse.

Sorry. Yeah, dude, our forefathers died for us to be able to pee in pools. Exactly. Exactly like the young heroes that we are. Blood, sweat and piss.

Theo Von
That's it, man. Oh, yeah. See, this would be a relationship. You'd be the bartender and she would be the one on the other side. I think the bartender's probably.

Sketch
No, you give a guy four drinks and he doesn't move. He's pissing the whole time. He's letting it rip. Yeah. They should actually have, like a little piss cop or whatever that swims up.

Oh, what? Yeah, maybe a catheter or something. Something, yeah, that you can just attach. Right in like an iv. You just put in your.

In the main vein. That'd probably work. Okay, so what else were we talking about? Oh, yeah. Being in love.

Theo Von
Dude, did you ever. So. But what about first loves that you had? Obviously you love your mom in like a mother son way. Yep.

And you, did you ever have a crush on a teacher or anything like that? I had some really good looking teachers, actually. Oh, yeah? I was in second grade, though. She was Miss Oklahoma.

Sketch
She was an absolute smoke show. Miss Oklahoma. Set the scene. So you get in there, huh? It's regular education.

I did. It went over in my head. My dad, when we got out of there, he's like, your teachers are pretty hot. I was like, oh, yeah, that's right. That was more just trying to get in and out.

Theo Von
Oh, yeah. Yeah. But then the more. Yeah, when school's tough, you're not thinking about. Yeah, you got to stay focused on the grades.

Now, was this regular education sketch or what type of energy was it? Oh, it was public education. Oh, wow. Oh, yeah. She was.

Sketch
I mean, she was two. Two years removed from Miss Oklahoma, second grade teacher. And you're in public education, so you're playing for the Raiders over there. Oh, yeah. I was pretty good.

Pretty good school. Pretty good school. It was more of, like, I don't know, great time. And were there times, did you notice when you started to feel something for kind of when you had, like, an, you know. You know, it was probably some dreams, probably some.

Probably some thoughts, but it was, you know, I wish. I wish it could happen type thing? Yeah. What about you? You ever been in love with a teacher?

Theo Von
Yeah, we had this lady, I think. I feel like her name was, like, miss Bress or whatever. I don't even know what her name was. That's how much, like, breast that she had. And she would wear.

She wore, like, she would button all the way up to here and, like, with, like, a doily on the necklace. You know what a doily is? What's that? Show a doily, if you can, please. The neck would have.

It was like that around the top. Like, it had, like, a very formal looking. Oh, like a pilgrim. Yes. That's perfect.

Yeah, she was like a pilgrim with knowledge. There you go. And we. She would come over by her, by my desk and help me with math, and she just. Her breasts were so warm and, like, it just felt like.

It felt like kind of when you go into, like, a domino's or something, and they're just baking it and everybody's pretty excited, you know, like a new domino. Yeah. Yeah. It was just that good, warm feeling and helping with my math, and I would, like, mess up the master. She would stay there.

It'd be like eight divided by four is. And I put like 6000 or whatever. That's a. Gets a good way to do it. That's a good way to do it.

Sketch
You got to keep them somehow. Oh, you know, stayed right there, man. That's a good call. I might have to steal that one. Yeah, bro.

Theo Von
So that was, I think, the first time that I was, like, really into, like, a teacher or something. Oh, yeah. And I loved that, you know. Happy thanksgiving. Oh, yeah.

She had the toughest bra to. Her bra was like a damn. It's like a bullpen trying to hold back. Trying to hold back some. Some dogs there and a couple relief pictures.

Like, it was just. It was made by like Dewalt or something. It was a. Oh, it's. Yeah.

Sketch
Had some look like they're about to pop or something. It was like a 40 pound test on her. Sometimes they look like they. They open up like a missile silo. Like, you just.

Yeah, come out with a claw. That's a cool attachment there. So I just remember her, and I just. God, I had a big crush on her. I had a crush on a lot of teachers, though, I think it was.

Theo Von
Yeah, I think. Cause they were around you, and they would help you do stuff. There was something kind of hot about it. Yeah. You know, there's a lot of hot.

Teachers out there, and now a lot of them are making love with the students. That's true. I missed. We missed out on that. That trend there.

Sketch
Run it back. If I could have a time machine. No. Table for two here. One more chance, please.

Theo Von
God, dude, I don't know if I would have been one of the students that had enough confidence that would have hit on the teacher. Like, really hit on her. Oh, really? Some of the kids stand up. Got a waistband.

Oh, yeah? Pitch in a tent. The saddest thing, where you would go up to ask a question or something by the teacher, and then you would get a erection. Yeah. And then you had to walk back to you.

So, like, you would. People would start, like, learning a moonwalk and shit. Just, like, things. So they would, like, like. So you couldn't tell that they had an erection while they were walking back to their desk.

Sketch
Yeah. You get up like you're trying to hide something. Wait, something's over here. Or somebody would just walk like this. Like, just any way to, like, camouflage my secret.

If you see me in the morning and I'm holding a blanket in front of me, morning would just. That's. That's what that is. That's. Oh, I'm just holding this.

Walk, walking around. Fix it. It's like, get your gun in your holster. So you're not doing magic or anything that. Yeah, no, not magic.

You just waistband it. I'll tell you. You forget about it. Tuck it in. Forget about it.

If you forget, you forget about it. Top of your dick gets real cold and purple gets frostbite. He just. Headless dragon there. Oh, man.

Theo Von
Dude, I used to want to mail my dick to a starving country or whatever to feed some of the children. Isn't that crazy? Oh, really? It's a hunk of meat there. I would have dreams about it.

Sketch
You know, I'd give them more like a mini corn dog if I gave him some. It's more of a delicacy than a. It's more of a delicacy than an amount here. Yeah, they're like, hey, this isn't even. Tipping the scales, guys.

Hey, there's nothing rotting on my thing. It's just, you know, no weird things going on. Just future straight. Yeah, that's a good thing. That is really the best thing about a basic, regular, smallish wiener.

Theo Von
It's like, hey, we're not playing any games here, right? We know it's not a Escalade or whatever. We just know this is a two door sedan, and it'll get you from a to b. It's perfect for practice. It's like a kick and tee.

Sketch
Sit there, pick it up. You know, gonna hopefully practice later. No, I'm just kidding. Whoa. Hey, sorry for cursing.

Sorry for. Sorry for everything. There we go. So you go to school. So now you're just sketch man.

Theo Von
So now you are a Lamborghini owner. Nearsighted. Right. Water deficient. Water deficient.

Very positive. Very positive. Talented. Thank you, brother. Energetic.

Sketch
Thank you, sir. Handsome. Hopeful. So now what do you feel like? Like, do you feel like.

Theo Von
Like, are there things that you feel like you want to do now? Because now you have somewhat of a platform. Oh, yeah. Well, like, have you started to think about that? Has it been kind of scary?

Like, what's some of that like? Because I think there's a lot of people out there who dream to be in, like, a position where or. Okay, I'm creating stuff online, and it starts to. People start to absorb it. Yeah.

Sketch
My first thing I'm gonna do, we're launching merch. We plan on donating the proceeds to a charity. It's gonna be our first shirt. And then besides that, take everything a day at a time. So it's more of a, I know.

I wanna travel, I wanna meet people, and that's more of my goal within the money side of things, but that's kind of what I got planned right now. Oh, that's good goals. Yeah. I would love to go to, like, Ireland or something like that. Really?

Theo Von
Are you Dutch or whatever? You learn japanese? I'm pretty hispanic in native and English. Oh, wow. My mom's 50% hispanic.

Hispanic, native and English. Mm hmm. My mom, side of the family, her parents were, like, migrational pickers and stuff like that. They would. They would travel from, like, up and down the country to pick different types of fruits and stuff like that.

Ooh, I love that. Yeah, I love picking fruit. My grandma used to grow strawberries oh, really? Yeah. And we would pick them.

We weren't like. I didn't really like strawberries, actually. What? I don't really like fruits or vegetables. I mostly eat chicken.

Really? Yeah. Chicken's like my safe food. If I want to, if I know I want to feel good, I eat chicken. Oh, yeah.

That's like. A lot of adolescents eat mcNuggets all the time. I tell you, I run up a check at chick fil a, and then they fucked up the chicken. Now I gotta find a new spot here. I need to find something that does give me heartburn.

Sketch
Nashville hot chicken feels great coming in. Comes out like dragon's breath. Yeah. I think it's a risky move having that. Yeah, those farts, like, have their own climate.

It's like a tropical storm. It's a real butt. Yeah, it's a real butt party, I think. Yeah, it's like a dangerous butt party. It's like someone brought a gun to a fun party.

Yeah. Plaxco burst. You might plax, go burst that thing in there. Little calf shot. Can't.

Can't be dancing too much with a stick in your pocket. Same thing goes a waistband. It can't be, can't be doing too much. You got to keep it pretty. It's mostly in the shoulders when you have it in the waistband.

Theo Von
Oh, that's a good point. Yeah, you can't. You get too high or low. You might reveal it. Yeah, yeah.

And a magician never reveals his trick. True, true. You know, it's the art of deception and illusion. It's like you're taking a picture. Take it from a good point of view.

Sketch
Take it with a selfie. I'll disappoint some people. Yeah. If you're taking dick pics with a drone, then I think you just have a small dick. Oh, yeah.

Theo Von
I think that's crazy. Take it with a Gopro. That's probably the. Probably do the most favors. Compare it to a goPro.

What? Dude, you're so. You're so interesting. Thank you. Yeah, you bet, man.

Thank you so much. I love you, bro. Spending time with me. Thanks, man. That's nice of you to say.

I think there's just something, like, it's neat to see somebody that is, like, unique, you know? I think people think that that's because everybody feels. Sometimes people feel unique, and it's, like, not a cool unique. It's like, I feel unique, but they'll mis present it to themselves. Like, I feel like something isn't.

I'm not the same as everybody else. But instead of thinking, oh, I'm unique, they think, oh, I'm not the same. I'm almost. I'm different, or I'm less than, you know. Yeah, but you just are, like, oh, I'm unique.

This is who I am. And then to see how much everybody is really interested in, like, really how much that brings warmth to people, it's pretty. That's awesome. That's, like, kind of the thing that I think we want to see. Thank you.

Sketch
Yeah. Cause I. I just wanted to. When I started, I just wanted to take. I had, like, small ticks or whatever.

I'd do this with my fingers when I'm excited or whatever, but it was more of, like, taking off the barriers, and that's where the hand motions was, like. Like, it was like, getting that energy out and, like, letting it. Letting it fly. But there was a time last year, and I just like. But had a prayer where I was like, I want to be happy, I want to travel, and I want to meet people.

And God answered me like crazy. Like, really? Yeah. Wow. And you really were praying that?

Yeah, no, he humbled me, for sure. Wow, man. That's powerful, huh? Yeah, no, power and prayer. Yeah, I believe that, too, man, 100%.

Theo Von
Yeah. Thanks for saying that. It's important. And you were just. You were to pray.

You were thinking, this is my prayer. This is what I would like. Yeah, not. I didn't know it was streaming. I didn't.

Sketch
I just. Streaming came out of randomness. I didn't. That wasn't, like, directly after. I just remember that prayer was like, like, that was like, my turning point.

Theo Von
Yeah. It's like, put. Put your eyes on the Lord, brother. Hey, I'm looking for the Lord. I always, always am.

Sketch
Yeah. And I'll say, I'm looking for the Lord. And somebody told me, hey, the Lord ain't lost. Yeah, true that. True that, brother.

Follow the light. Follow the light. I know, it's. Yeah. That's such a good statement, man.

Theo Von
And to put your wishes into the Lord, too. Not like I want, like a, you know, like, I want to get a new jaguar or I want to get a new, you know, one of those color printers for our mobile home or whatever. Yeah. But like, a real, like, what is your real wishes? You know?

And a lot of times it is to be happy, to feel of use. Yeah. You know? Yeah, like, that's good. That's exactly kind of like, if you find your purpose.

Sketch
Yeah, God has your purpose. You just gotta. He's just waiting there. He's poking and prodding. He's working on you.

He's like an iv. Sometimes you gotta stick that thing a couple times, find the right vein, you know, get your. Get your stuff rolled in the right direction. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes you gotta get your oil changed by the Lord.

Exactly. There's new tires, too, brother. New tires. Thank you, Jesus. Thank you, Jesus.

Theo Von
Do you think of yourself as, like, a role model, or what do you kind of think of yourself as? Is it weird to think of yourself as something? Cause even that is, like, a little bit of, like, our ego getting a little wild, you know? It's weird. Cause, like, that's where people go, like, oh, he's humble, or whatever.

Sketch
It's like, it's easy to be humble on camera, but it's like, the more I've met people in, the younger I've seen him, the more I go, like, well, I should definitely watch what I'm putting out there and saying, but, yeah, like, it's definitely weird to think, like, any type of role model. Cause it's like I'm just constantly playing video games. Brother, do not take my financial advice. I would put you in the dirt like a stick in the mud. This guy answered two emails a day, dude.

I'm not. I'm not your guy with. Good morning. Thanks. Yeah, good morning.

And thanks, brother. Here you go. I just let them know I'm alive. That's their way of. Man, that green circle was never lit up on my thing.

Theo Von
Keep it vague. Good morning. Thanks. Maybe a chat soon. Always from the phone, too.

Sketch
Never at the computer. I'll send some emails. You're in a completely different state. I'm here, brother. So that's it.

Theo Von
That's where we're at. That's where sketch is now. You see yourself on. Yeah. Sports players.

We were at the Cardinals yesterday doing batting practice, and a lot of them were doing some of your terms and things. Yeah, it's crazy, dude. The cardinals shout out them. St. Louis.

Yeah, they're doing pretty well. The brewers were there, too, man. But, yeah, it's just kind of fascinating to see, like, the effect. I think that's an interesting thing, too. It's making people feel like, oh, I can have an effect on one person or a lot of people by being myself.

Sketch
Yeah. And that's what, like, was crazy. Was like, the. What's up, brother? The special.

All that stuff was, like, I was, like, not expecting it. It was more like I was just making shit up as I'm doing stuff. Like, half of them are, like, audible calls. Like, Tuesday or whatever. Like that just like means get on the ball.

But I was just like I was talking to my, to my quarterback or whatever on the field. But I got that from when I, when I first started, I used to my first stream, I had like twelve people. Like it was mostly my friends and stuff, but I turned off we announcer on Madden and send the games and that's how I kind of started getting into it. Like we all announce it like it's a game and then we had a line on it and like some of them would bet it and stuff and like it's pretty fun. All of them go to like overtime.

It's pretty cool. Oh, so all the games you would and you would just, you could mc your own game. Like you could be your own. So you can like take two teams, no one's playing with them, you just turn off the announcer. And then it was just me announcing and it was like a, it was like a random football game.

Theo Von
You just get to watch the game? Yeah. Oh, that's pretty cool. We did it and I did it for like a tournament. And the way we see you picked your teams and then we seeded it.

Sketch
That's how you had your draft order for the fantasy draft. Oh, nice. And you guys would just watch it play out. Yeah, it was, it was exhausting though. This games are like 30 minutes and I did probably 20 of them.

Theo Von
Yeah, it seems, seems like a really, it seems like somebody who doesn't is not getting a lot of emails at work. Yeah, no, that is too much free time there. I'll tell you what. How do you meet people to play online on Madden? Do you just meet people?

Like, I know you can just like set up with a guy and you both have your screen names and stuff, right? So that's how you just. Do you just meet strangers? Do you, do you randomly pick people or what do you do more like. DM stuff and then I usually like to talk to people before then.

Sketch
Cause I like giving me up to roast him a little bit. So like let him all them know that. But like, um, it's more like my content, like with like Madden and stuff is more like banter with the boys. So it's like kind of like couch shit talk and stuff. So it's like people that, they're all random.

So it's like I'll just literally if whoever I talk to first on the phone or whatever, and then, hey, you want to do this tomorrow? And then you line it up? Yeah, I've gotten to play with like Tyree kills Gardner Volantez, Burfect. Hunter, Dickinson. Wow.

Yeah, a lot of athletes, but it's pretty fun. And do, and do you guys play for money or anything or. No. Yeah, we'll do like gifted subs or whatever, which, like 25 gifted subs is like $150 or something like that. But I mean, we could do like, for like ten subs, which is like $50 or something.

Like, you know, just stuff to. Just stuff to do stuff. But that, yeah, it makes it a little more fun having skin in the game. Oh, I think so. I think that's what it's about.

Flesh on the table. It means something. Do you, um. Do you think there's a team in the NFL that could use a guy like you right now on the field? On the field and be honest with me?

Theo Von
Yeah. Yo, definitely. Probably.

Sketch
Probably the jets. And you can say the saints. Probably the jets. They need some wide receivers, man. The Saints.

The saints are in trouble, huh? They're your team. They're not doing great. Yeah. Who is their quarterback?

It's probably a truck driver or something. Substitute teachers running routes out there. A lot of good questions. Miss Breast is probably the teacher over there. Oh, yeah, a lot of good questions, man.

Theo Von
A lot of questions that need to be answered. Yeah, I could see you pulling up for the jets, man, getting a ten day contract. Ten day? Fuck it. Give me a half a year.

What? Half a million? We haven't even seen your work. You to get sight unseen purchase with, you know, look, you don't get to take the toys out of the box, brother. You gotta buy it in the store, then you gotta take it home.

Hey, buy this land, homie. There you go. Hey, hey, please. What about land modeling, dude? What if they had models for land?

Like, say you take some people out to some land and there's a couple of just legit bitches. Legit bitches? Not just bitches, legit bitches walking across and modeling that land. That's perfect. I mean, some of them do that.

Sketch
It's literally, instead of like that, it's like, you know, ranches with deer, like showing the does and stuff. Like, oh, look at this. But doing that. Have it like a car wash type thing. Yeah.

Hot chicks bowing the lawn. That would be perfect. It's not a bad idea. There's no way. If I'm even a little horny, I'm not.

Theo Von
Get me a quarter acre. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Get you a make. Fuck it.

Sketch
You don't need water and sewer. It's just raw land, brother. Right. Figure it out. We're living on love.

That's how you sell the shit around the tracks. That's it, dude. Better fertilizer. Yeah, probably some on. There's some car tires on that thing you got to dig up out of the ground.

Yeah. Just helping mother nature work. Thank you, sir. What's the proper etiquette on Madden? If you're blowing somebody out, how do you end a game?

Theo Von
Do you end it early? Do you guys decide what happens? I usually just. That's rare for me to blow someone out, but I usually, like, just leave the game if it's a random person. But when I'm playing with other people, like, I usually just.

Sketch
We play, finish the game, or we'll restart another one. Usually, like, 21 points or something like that. When it gets. You know, when that cheeks are getting a little too rosy. Slapping that ass.

Theo Von
When. So you're gonna do maybe a second date? Looks like it. Shane Gills. Today?

Sketch
Mm hmm. Oh, you're going tonight? Yes, sir. Dude, I'm going. No way.

Theo Von
Yeah. What time? Um, I don't know. I could probably take if you need, but, um, if not, I'll meet you over there. Yeah, no, he's like, we're going seven.

Sketch
Y'all are? Yeah. Oh, then that's when I'll go, oh, shit. Yeah. I might even jump on stage with him.

That'd be sick. Yeah, dude, that'd be great. Have you been to the Ryman to see him? No. Is it pretty cool?

I saw a bus, like, saying it was, like, one of the most historic places or something like that. Like, it's pretty legendary. Very historic. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm sure you've played at a lot of crazy places like that. Where's your favorite place you played? Some interesting places. Oh, let me think. I don't know.

Theo Von
We just went to Australia and did some shows recently, and it was really awesome. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah. How is that different? Different crowd.

Sketch
Triple Mauley. It was crazy. We got to do this cool show. Can you bring up that show with. Have you seen this show called beautiful?

Theo Von
Tasty, beautiful? No, it's. There's two guys. One of them is, um. One of them has down syndrome.

Sketch
Oh, yeah, I saw. You can't tell them. Yeah, it's a secret, but, yeah, I went on their show, and it's a cooking show. That's awesome. That was one of my favorite things.

That I got to do that was in. They live in Australia? Yeah. Oh, that's cool. One of them has down syndrome.

Theo Von
One of them is just in a fraternity. Okay. But I think he was a pike or something. Something that had more pills. Yeah, the pill poppers that, you know, pike gets spiked.

Sketch
I'm not confirming or denying. I'm just. I was never. I don't know if I have the whole. I might have the whole chapter come after you for that one.

Theo Von
I don't remember. Wait, what? Comfort. This. I don't know.

So that was something that was really cool that I got to do. Yeah. I don't know. Just podcasting is neat. Getting to meet different people, but.

Yeah. Performing. Yeah. Some great places. We're going to London in a couple of weeks to do some shows.

Sketch
That is awesome. Yeah. Just things like that. I just can't even believe it yet, you know? How long did.

When did you, like, start doing stuff? How old were you? Like, six years ago I started doing podcast, and that's when, like, comedy got busy. But I've been doing comedy for, like, 15 years, probably 17 years. And you're.

You're so, like, around in your lower. Twenties when I. Yeah, I started when I was 24, and now I'm 44. Yeah. So I started.

Theo Von
Yeah, 20 years now. Damn. That's right. The same time I started. Yeah.

Sketch
Look at us. I'm looking at myself now. Council bricks here. Yeah, sorry. It looks like this shit went left.

I don't know what happened. Wide left. Yeah, it fucking teed off and. Teed off and hit a fucking house. You got a window, Bill?

Theo Von
Um, yeah. What else? What's in the news? Let's hit a couple news topics, man. Oh, this was Drake.

Yeah. I don't know if I cared about this, how much they. Did. You see that? Yeah.

Came out with a diss track. Right. Of who?

I miss the days. A lot of rappers used to actually shoot each other. Oh, yeah, they do. Still. It's just they.

Sketch
It happens sooner before they get big. It's bad. Yeah. That's the problem now. Yeah.

Theo Von
These guys. You have to wait until you get bigger to do it. Yeah. Yeah. You got guys that have put out, you know, a half a mixtape, and they're just popping off on each other.

Sketch
Yeah, we had some legends in Houston. Died too soon. Yeah. Recipes. Kenny.

Lou. He's gone. Yeah. Unfortunately, him and another dude goes to Magneto. They're great guys, but street life stuff.

Theo Von
Street life. Got him. Huh? It's sad. Yeah, it did.

Sketch
It is. It's pretty. It's pretty wild. Go inside. I'll tell you what.

I've. You've been in the streets much? No, I'm an inside dog. Inside cat. I like a kiddle.

I like the kiddle. I don't like to hang out with the big dogs. Yeah, it's okay, man. Tell you what, walk and look here. That's why I wear these air ball darks.

No one wants to rip these things off my feet. It's like, shit. You can have them, bro. Take them. Take them.

Theo Von
Please leave in them. Yeah. They had this video that, of Tupac that I did see when he was young. Apparently, he was allegedly a homosexual male. And I didn't know that.

My name is Tupac Shakur, and I attend Tamapai High School, and I'm 17 years old. Okay. Do you like being 17? It's like, 17 is such a weird age. It's such a.

In the middle age, you're not 18 yet and you're older than 16. But I like it. It's nice. It's interesting. Cause they never really, like, push him like that.

They always just kind of, like. The energy about him is always just a little bit more like that. He was like a gangster rapper. Yeah. You know, but maybe it's.

Sketch
Sometimes they take videos out of context. That could be true. I mean, this could be AI. It could be. But even then, I think, like, it's just interesting.

Theo Von
I think for years, I've never heard anybody say this. And then now everybody's been talking about this video. Yeah. People like to say that stuff now. Yeah, everybody.

Yeah. The second somebody has any success, also, they're gay. There's also, like, a lot of, like, new black gay people. Like, since. Since, like, the diddy thing, suddenly everybody who's black is accusing everybody else of being gay.

Sketch
I feel like, yeah. It's just kind of wild. I think a lot of that stuff just in the black community right now is kind of wild, you know? Yeah. With a lot of.

Theo Von
Just everybody's accusing each other of being gay. I think in two generations, everybody is gonna be bisexual, I think. Like the frogs, I think. Yeah. Like, too much runoff.

Sketch
Yeah, too much runoff. And it's amphetamine chickens, dude. That's where I think we're headed. I think it's just like. Everybody is gonna be.

Theo Von
That's where it's gonna be. Yeah, look at that. That'd be it. Just teamwork. Anything else in the news that was going on?

New York City proposes rat birth control to reduce population. That is disgusting. Huh? The war on rats. So hard to imagine.

Sketch
What in the hell? But recent viral videos show show a city overwhelmed with rodents. Got the pizza. You got the pizza. They're seen taking over sidewalks, living.

Theo Von
Oh, this is rats in New York. Well, here's what they should do. They should organize them and get them to work together, work with. With the community. There's too many rats.

They've been trying this for years to get rid of them. It's getting worse. There were rats. They saw rats playing double Dutch the other day somewhere. It's getting bad.

Sketch
Those are the ones that are gaining too much knowledge. They're in subways because they're taking public transportation. They're pretty smart, mother. Sorry for cussing. But now look, if they're at a library too.

Theo Von
I mean, this is crazy. Look how many rats. Rat population 2018 to 2022 is gone from 2.2 million to 3 million rats now in New York City. What year is that that it starts. To spike at 2020.

Sketch
What happened? It's COVID. It was either COVID babies, Biden or COVID. I wonder if maybe COVID, like, when everything slowed down, they just had a chance to, like. Well, yeah, everyone stopped eating bats and rats, so they started going up.

Theo Von
Well, it makes you wonder how many restaurants were serving rat that suddenly didn't have any clientele anymore, you know? Yeah. Rail, chicken, Anchorman two. Anchorman two. Dude, I can't believe you're gonna get out there for yourself.

Your fucking. For your second date, man. Hey. Yep. Front row.

Sketch
Front row. She's got great row with the show. Great tickets to Shane Gillis. Have you guys ever seen him before? Have you ever been to a comedy show before?

That's the. It's like her celebrity crush. So I'm gonna have to. I'd have to tank him or something different. Hey, put the shape.

Theo Von
Put the glasses on. Let some fly there. Put the glasses on her. You know, I will probably knock off a couple points there. Yeah, I'm sure he's.

Yeah, I've seen Shane up close. Shane's a handsome guy. It's a very. It's just a unique type of handsome, you know? Yeah.

Sketch
What else? Any other news? Was there one more news story? That was good. I'm trying to think of something that happened.

Red lobster is going under. No way. Is it really losing millions on endless shrimp. Oh, yeah. They should have took a book out of carnival cruise lines.

Theo Von
$22 million loss for the year because of endless shrimp. You can't do endless shrimp. That's a trap. Well, especially a lot of brothers and sisters, if they go on a date, they love endless shrimp. Oh, I would dine and dash.

Sketch
Dine and dash. Couple of those get free pounds. Yeah. Oh, if the shrimp is endless. I'm standing on business is what a lot of people say.

I love that. I love that. Get nice and lubed up, too. With a couple drinks, it turns into a crock pot. You just got shit wishing to wash in there, dude.

Theo Von
So now that you're in the dating world, do you feel like you're gonna start dating different ethnicities? Do you feel like there's anything. Are you just kind of open to all? Open all. Look at me.

Sketch
Yeah, I'm like the UN. I'm just here to make love. Peacemaker. Peacemaker here.

Theo Von
Dude, thank you so much for. Yeah, that's making me laugh, man. I appreciate you coming to, spending time. So you have merch? So you have.

Yes. You have merch coming out. Some of that's gonna go to charity. That's really amazing. You're taking it a day at a time.

Sketch
Day at a time, right? Yes, sir. Got your second date ever coming up? Yes, sir. Back to back.

Look at this. 94, 95, rockets. Here we go. Yeah. Shit hit the fan after that.

So tomorrow's gonna be scary. Might be 20 years of nothing. Hey, you could hit a drought, man. Yeah, that's why you gotta load up water, pray for rain. Keep a jug on you, and pray for rain.

Theo Von
It's crazy to see a dehydrated guy praying for rain. Try to get it somehow. Hey, it's just the world we're in nowadays. Everything you want is right in front of you. Hey, I think you're really, really right.

What thoughts do you have? Any. For anybody? Anybody out there? Like, oh, dude, I saw.

I was thinking. Cause you don't have autism. What do you have? Do you have anything? No, I don't have anything.

You're just a regular guy. Regular dude. Just, like, have a quirk or whatever, but it's like, more like, I just. When I'm doing my stuff, like, I just, like, get nervous or whatever. So, like, I just don't really, like, I.

Sketch
Trying to hide it would, like, I'd be like, yeah, but that's crazier. Yeah, to me. Yeah, that's way harder. So, like, doing this shit and, like, doing whatever, like, you know, it makes me feel better. Yeah.

Like, you know, like, I don't know. It's. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. What about good?

Yeah, it's perfect. Yeah. Just running. Just keeping the things. There you go.

I'd move the hands, like, you know, it's like an orchestra. You're just trying to think, think through. And you're keeping energy moving through you. Yeah, that's exactly. What?

Theo Von
I like that. Like, I'll pinch my wiener if I get scared or, oh, my God, if I'm trying to think. There you go. I'll clench my butthole when I get scared. So we opposites attract.

That's where we go. It's like closing the vault. We're here today. Yeah, dude, they were checking for people with autism at the mall the other day. Have you ever seen, like.

Have you ever seen anything like that? No. Yeah, they had, like, a pop up booth or something, and they were. I guess they can check for it at the mall or whatever. It's like a photo booth going there.

Just develops a thing. You're like, oh, this guy. Yeah. Whoops, your green brother. No.

And, yeah, a lady was even doing, like, a. Like, one of those pen tests with somebody or whatever. I was like, oh, yeah. I was like, I don't think that's. I don't think that person has autism or anything.

Sketch
Might just be drunk. Yeah, check him. You got some funky shoes on. Some guy goes. Some guy has to walk home.

Theo Von
Cause he can't drive. His wife's like, what's wrong? And he's like, I have autism. Yeah. Like an angry drunk to.

Sketch
He's, like, drinking nothing but fireball and pissing his pants. Mad at the world. Tuesday. Tuesday. Sketch, man.

Theo Von
Have fun. I'll see you at Shane Gillis tonight, and, yeah, I just hope to get to see you in the future, man. Thanks for being somebody. Yeah. That makes it just seem like, hey, no matter who I am, I can just kind of be, you know.

Sketch
Yes. And I can have some confidence in myself and. And. Yeah. And I can just have a good time, you know?

Yes, sir. Thanks for coming and spending time and just making me laugh, man. It's really. No, thank you for having me. It's.

The hospitality. Been amazing. You know, you're someone I've looked up to for a while, and it's amazing to be here, and thank you for having me. Yeah, you bet, brother. Yes, sir, brother.

Theo Von
And. Okay. Great, man. Thanks. Yeah, thanks for coming, man.

And I'll see you at the show tonight. Yes, sir. Okay. Sounds fun. All right.

Sounds good, brother. All right, brother. Thank you, brother. Bye, brother. Now I'm just floating on the breeze.

And I feel I'm falling like these. Leaves I must be cornerstone oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mine I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take a little.

Sketch
Leaves I must be cornerstone oh, but when I reach that ground I'll share this piece of mine I found I can feel it in my bones but it's gonna take a little.

E497 Sketch

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction

2: Sketch's Streaming Career

3: Personal Anecdotes

4: Life's Oddities

5: Concluding Thoughts

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Companies

Books

Guest Name(s):

Content Warnings:

Transcript