#2158 - Harland Williams

Joe Rogan
Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night.

Harland Williams
All day.

Oh, lord. I think I've known you for 30 years. You know how crazy that is? 31. Is it really?

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Wow. I remember the day we met. Really? Baskin Robbins on Melrose.

Harland Williams
Really? Yeah. Did we meet at Baskin Robins? Baskin Robbins. I got one of those memories, like the girl from taxi.

Oh, do you really? You got a mint chocolate chip double scoop, and I had peanut butter and chocolate. I think you're making this up. Well, I think you're making this up. He's making this up.

I was like, hold on. Let's see how this goes. Yeah. As soon as he was saying, he's got a memory, like the lady from taxi, I was like. And I couldn't even remember her name.

That lady's got a crazy memory. She does? She can tell you, like, dates. In 1972, what day it was. Dude, I bumped into her to sushi joint once, and she reenacted the day I lost my virginity.

Joe Rogan
It's unbelievable. Wow. She remembered it. How does she know? You think she's a million.

Oh, it was her. Oh, really? Yeah. She popped my cherry. She was hot back in the day.

She drove my taxi. Oh, yeah. She acted as your depot. Wait, what's her name? Marilu Retina.

Harland Williams
No. What is it? It's close. Mary Lou Iris. No.

Cornea. Cornea. Mary Lou Cornea. Where was her name? That's the gymnast.

Joe Rogan
She's the gymnast. That's the gymnast. What was her name? Is it Marlee Matlin? That's the deaf chick?

Harland Williams
Yeah. That's the one that everybody had to pretend was really good at acting. But she did win an Oscar, didn't she? Mary Lou Henner? Oh, that's.

Joe Rogan
She did the tampon commercials. Did she? Yeah. And who better to do them than a tumblr? They get guys to do them now.

Yeah. It's a new world. Yeah. Yeah. There she is.

Harland Williams
Back in the day when she's on taxi. She was hot. But you can't ever lie to her. Yeah. She knows everything.

You didn't even like. I didn't say that. Like, not only did you say that you were wearing this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She just knows it all.

Yeah. Unbelievable. That's probably a real issue in relationships. You can never argue with her about who is right. She remembers it.

Yeah, 100%. You got a foggy ass. Bullshit. Normal. Human like.

How good's your memory? My memory's not that good. Maybe she's an elephant I don't think. Their memory's that good. They say they are.

Yeah, but, like, shit, that you would remember, too, right? Like, how often do you watch one of those nature shows and you see, like, elephants wandering around aimlessly and, you know they're looking for their car. Cause they can't remember where they parked. Idiots. Imagine if elephants could drive.

That'd be a real problem. How big would their fucking car be? How big would the roads have to be? Wow. If anybody else, any other animals started developing electronics, I think we just kill them.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Like, what the fuck are you doing over there? Like, we wouldn't be cool with chimps fastening their own weapons if they started making guns, if chips start smelting iron, like figuring out ballistics. You see chimps on the range. Yeah.

Hey, hey, hey. Only us. Yeah. Well, isn't that what planet of the Apes is all about? Like, similar.

They evolved to the point where wasn't. The new one, like, experiments? Wasn't it, like some kind of experiments, like, there would do, like, back in the day, it was like a time machine thing. Like, they went right, like the really old ones. Yeah, the first one, time machine.

Harland Williams
And you go forward in time and you realize, like, oh, my God, the apes are now humans. And. Yeah, they landed so far in the future on earth. You know who wrote that one? Rod Serling.

Oh, did he really? Yeah. Twilight Zone, man. He was way ahead of his time with everything. Genius.

So many good episodes. You go back to watch the Twilight zones, like, no production value, no money for special effects. Incredible show. And that's what was part of their charm. But the music, everything worked.

Joe Rogan
And if you look at a lot of modern day movies, they were predicated on those old shows, like Chucky. There's an old episode with telly Savalas. Talky Tina. Hi, I'm talky Tina, and I'm going to kill you. This was a doll, remember?

Fast forward to Chucky, that demented, redheaded, freckle faced freak. Look at that. There she is. Talkietina. You know, my favorite one was to serve man.

Oh, yeah, it's a cookbook. Yeah. And then Julia Childs walks out of the UFO. Yeah. Yeah.

You, everybody, we're gonna serve your children. What did the aliens look like on to serve man? It was very bizarre. Yeah, they had giant bulbous hats. Yeah, there it is.

Harland Williams
There it is. Yeah. They look like Herman Munster without the hair. Look how bad this fucking makeup is. You can see where it's glued to his cheek.

You can see everything is so shitty. Like, you do better than that in a high school musical. Speaking of human cookbooks, I have a buddy who just had a kid, and they. He told me him and his wife made placenta smoothies. And I'm sitting here going, what if you love them?

Joe Rogan
What if you love the taste of your own kid? And one day you're with Billy at the park, and you're just looking at him, and you're like. You know, you start licking your lips, like, he sure did taste good. And then cannibalism, and you eat your own kid? I don't.

Harland Williams
I don't think it's actually eating your own kid. I think it's eating the nutrients that provide nourishment to the kid while it's in the womb. It's not. You're not eating the kid. The kid is separate from the placenta.

Joe Rogan
It is? Yeah. The kid is an actual. Oh, I thought it was covered, like, you know, when a gazelle drops its baby on the kalahari and it, like, licks all that film off? It isn't that placenta or is that just, like, a pasta sauce?

It's like, carbonara. I think that is placenta. Right? I mean, it probably must be. So isn't that what human kids have?

Don't think about, like, gazelles, but it's. Not the kid itself. It's the nutrients that the kid was consuming while they were in the womb, I believe. Obviously, I'm not a doctor. Yeah, look at this.

Harland Williams
Is this one gonna drop it? They eat that. She about to drop. Boy, how vulnerable are they when they're giving birth and half of those kids get snatched up immediately. Yeah, some cats or wild dogs or something come run over and steal your baby, and that's it.

You carried that thing around inside of you for months. You love it more than anything in life. They'll protect it. Like. Yeah, obviously they have, like, this insane connection with that baby, and then it gets snatched away by a cat.

Joe Rogan
It literally doesn't get its first bleat out. Like, it lifts its head and then bong. One of the things that people have to be very aware about North America, what bears. What bears are doing to deer and moose. The same thing.

Harland Williams
Like, the half of the. Like, if you really love deer, moose and elk, half of those animals, babies got eaten by bears. Yeah. They eat, like, half of the babies that come out. Half?

Half, yeah, like, you know, it's a good thing in a good ecosystem to call the herd. Yeah, well, it's just. It's not even just a call to herd. It's just to. That's how.

That's what they're there for. Like, it's a system. We look at it like it's this beautiful thing, because it is beautiful. You see these animals and the wild and nature, but what it is, it's a system. It's like a mathematical system.

You have numbers, and the amount of predators is based on the amount of prey and the amount of babies they have and the amount of babies that survive. And, you know, animals that have less babies don't survive as well. Animals that are bigger fight off the wolves better. It's like there's a whole system. The whole system.

Joe Rogan
And it trickles down right to the vegetation and the ecosystem. You know, this, like, if they remove the wolves, then the elk and caribou herds expand, and they start eating all the growth on the riverbanks, causing erosion. The rivers flatten out. It just so you have to have those predators. So I'm glad they're eating half and I'm going to, if they're listening, eat three quarters.

Harland Williams
If they weren't eating that, guys, we would be overrun by. By deer and elk. And you, like, you. You'd have a situation where you have, like, in New Zealand, where they have to fly over the hills and just gun them down. Moose in New Zealand.

New Zealand's a wild place, literally. But it's beautiful. So beautiful. Wolf's they got there in, I get the 17 hundreds or something like that. Maybe the 18 hundreds.

And these european settlers, these european explorers, like, this place is so beautiful, but it doesn't have any things for us to kill. Why don't we bring in a bunch of wild animals from Europe that we like to kill? And so they turned it into, like, a wild game safari park for hunting. Jesu. Yeah.

So there's all these animals, like, stags and all these different kinds of deer, all these animals that are not supposed to be in New Zealand. They're everywhere. They're so overwhelming. Like, if you buy elk, like, if you go to a restaurant and you buy elk tenderloin, most likely that elk is coming. Coming from New Zealand.

Joe Rogan
No. Yeah, there's elk in New Zealand, a. Lot of elk in New Zealand. And it's probably. They probably are allowed to consider stag elk, too.

Harland Williams
I don't think they. I don't. That's a good question. I don't know. They're so similar.

There's such a similar animal. They probably taste exactly the same. The only elk have a cool sound, but stags have a really cool stag sound. Like a lion. You ever heard of stag roar?

Yeah, it's really fucking cool. And that when they mate, the male elks do that whistle, you know, that sounds like us. They're playing us a piccolo.

What a weird noise. Yeah, look at his penis going up and down. Oh, yeah, they jizz all over themselves. Wow. I've seen elk do it where they just piss all over themselves while they're screaming.

They're screaming. Elks are even cooler. Give me an elk. An elk bugle. Elk bugle, I think, is the coolest sound in the world.

Joe Rogan
Oh, me, bro. If you didn't know. If you didn't know if you were in the dark and you were in the encamping and elk bugle and you didn't know what that was, you think, oh, my God, there's monsters out here. Yeah. Yeah, there it is.

Harland Williams
Couldn't you imagine that, being a monster? Yeah, it's sort of like an instrument.

Imagine if it's dark out, you hear that, you're like, fuck, yeah. It's demons.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. That's kind of haunting and scary. That's the greatest animal. And then they go into the line. The big cats go into a Fleming.

You know this. I ran into problems with girlfriends cause of this. It's like when the female lions or the leopards, they get ripe. You know what I mean? Ready to party?

Harland Williams
Let's go. The lions and the cheetahs, and they do this thing where they smell the female scent and they, you know, they do this thing where they. They curl their lip up. Yeah. And it's like a sexual thing and that I.

Joe Rogan
For some reason, I don't know why, but I do that when I'm about to get into some love making. You do a little bit of that. Do you, like, embody the lion? I don't know. I just have the thing.

They never stick around. Yeah. Phlemen response takes place when one lion of either sex sniffs or smells the urine of another. Chemicals and hormones contained in the urine elicit the phlemen response. Usually after smelling the urine patch on the ground or vegetation the cat is doing, the smelling will lift his or her head and hold their lips back in a strong grimace.

Harland Williams
Let me see it. Yeah. You know, and I got just like him, look, I got to start getting dating girls. That wipe, I guess, his face, that. Urine, looking at that right before it fucking closes down on your neck and go, oh, yeah, I'm not getting out of this.

There's fucking no escape. There's no hip escape. There's no jiu jitsu move. There's no poking in the eye. That's wrap.

It's a wrap. Look at that mouth. That is a wrap. A rapidly rap I had a moment when I was on safari in Africa, where it's the only time in my life I started shaking. We were on a private Land Rover.

Joe Rogan
We came up on two male lions that had just made a kill. We were literally probably, I'd say, 25ft from them. And one of them got up and we're in the open Land Rover, right. With no protection, no windows. That is such bullshit.

So we got the guy driving from our camp and this thing. One of them got up, walked about halfway to us, and just did that. That burning stare with its golden eyes. Oh, my God. And I was holding the.

And my hand. Cause it was one of the few times in my life I felt like I was in death's door. Like, that lion could have been on me in 2 seconds. And it was terrifying, but exhilarating at the same time. How do they know that the lions won't jump into the cab and pull people out?

They get acclimated to these kind of clunky things and. Look, believe me, I know. Nature's unpredictable. What trust do you have to have? Well, I said to our driver, he was parked in front of a stump.

I said to him, I said, dude, I know you do this every day. Get away from the stump. We need to have an exit strategy. Yeah. And so he goes, oh, we'll be fine.

I said, no move from the stomp because nature, you don't know when nature's gonna. Did you know that it was gonna be an open air thing? Yeah. Yeah. And you were cool with that?

Yeah, it's beautiful. But I didn't know we were gonna come up on two male lions that were in the middle of eating a wildebeest and be the only ones there and, like, 25ft away. And one of them was gonna shorten the distance by half. Oh, God. Was this before or after the lady from Game of Thrones, who was the video editor?

Harland Williams
She's one of the video editors of Game of Thrones. She got pulled out of a car. Oh, she did? Well, there you go. There's your answer.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, it can happen. I think it was a different situation, though. I don't think they were acclimated to the open air ones because in this one it was cars. And she rolled her window down to reach out to take a picture, and the cat just snatched her. Oh, yeah.

Harland Williams
It's like a toy. I mean, you're basically rolling a piece of yarn. If you see. If a cat sees a thing that he couldn't get, but now he can get it. Yeah.

They. Their instinct is just to get it. Yeah. Like, even if they never would do that, if the windows were rolled down from the beginning, the moment they see you peeking out. Yeah.

Like, you're basically, like, dangling. Yeah. Video of it. This is how it happened. Oh, God.

That's so horrible, man. Oh, my God. Look how big that thing is. Imagine that pulling you out of the fucking car. Oh, my God.

Joe Rogan
So I was in Florida once, and I was doing a gig, like, on one side of Florida and had to cross over to the other side. Whoa. And in between, were you walking? No. No.

Daddy had a. Here's where it got clunky. Right. I rented a convertible. Right.

Because it's. It's Florida. Right. So I had time to kill. So I looked on the thing halfway across, there's a lion safari where you can drive through.

Right. And you drove through in a convertible. No. So I pulled up and they said, sir, you can't go through with a convertible. But for ten extra dollars, we'll rent you one of our little junkers.

And the junkers were painted like a zebra because it was a lion park. So they painted them with stripe. It was like a piece of crap that was just meant to go through the two mile park and out. So it's like a million degrees. It's Florida.

It's Tuesday on that one. In the afternoon, no one's there because I'm cutting across the country. This is like a week him place. They put me in this zebra mobile. I'm all alone in this park.

I get right in the middle of the lion thing. There's like 60 lions. The car conks out 300 degrees, no ac, because it's an old junker. And I just got 60 lion. Just going, Zebra.

And I'm just sitting there. No one's coming. God. Daddy's sitting there in the. In the prime.

Harland Williams
What did you have to sit there for? I sat there for about 1520 minutes till they came. And I gotta crack the window. Cause it's like a. It's like a dog in a Walmart parking lot.

Joe Rogan
And it was. And I'm sitting there going, I'm a zebra. I'm sitting there. I'm a zebra. You could die of heat exposure in there.

Or by getting mauled by a pride alliance. Does that mean they're gay? If it's a pride alliance, by the way. No. Pride isn't always gay.

Okay. They look gay to me. Pride. Didn't used to be gay. Used to be like you're proud of something.

One of them had their hair fluffed out. He looks pretty gay. It's actually in the Bible. Lions. They're gay.

Harland Williams
Pride. Pride. It's not good. Wait, what are we. Oh, no.

It's in the Bible. It's one of the sins. What? Pride? Yeah.

Joe Rogan
Oh, yeah. It's one of the. Yeah, there's six. Like. So why would you make a thing that is.

Harland Williams
I have american pride. I love America. I do have american pride. I'm a patriot. I think this is an amazing place.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. So I have pride. So does that mean I'm gay or does it mean I'm sinning? Hmm. Well, if it's just the verb, you're just.

Harland Williams
You know what I'm saying. It's like, what a flexible word. If you're trying to learn American English, like, how we use things like. Or just English, and you spoke another language that was more logical, you'd be like, what the fuck? Why don't you have different words?

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Why do you have the same word that means such different things? Like the word rose? Isn't there, like, seven different meanings for the word rose? Well, there's the flower rose up.

Rose of corn. Right? Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's just like.

Right. I didn't think of rose or corn. Yeah, yeah. Rose, the boat. Yeah.

Harland Williams
Oh, my God, there's so many. Yeah. That's so stupid. Well, there's two there. There's Rosc and rows.

Same sound, same thing. Did you run out of sounds? Yeah, you could. Obviously didn't. They're making new pronoun sounds every day.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. You couldn't have called rows of corn, like, clunk of corn. Yeah. Something that doesn't make me fucking confused, especially if I'm learning the language. Like, I speak Portuguese or something.

Harland Williams
Like, hold on, my friend. You say the same word, like, what the fuck are you saying? What a goofy. You need so much context to be able to, like, figure out. I think English is supposed to be one of the most difficult languages to learn.

I think Russian's very hard. Chinese very hard. Mandarin's very hard. Manatee. Is that what you said?

Mandarin, like Chinese? Oh, God. Imagine, like, you can speak it, but you can't read it or write it. Cause that happens with a lot of asian languages. Like, to learn Japanese, it's like, speaking Japanese is hard, but now you have to learn how to read it and write it.

Like, that's extra hard. I got a story for you about that a little later. Did you learn Japanese? I sort of. Well, Vietnamese.

Joe Rogan
I sort of had to. Were you in Nam?

Possibly. I did two tours in Nam and I gotta say, sunquest bus lines, the best. Tours. Oh, God. Air conditioned buses.

Harland Williams
Two tours. Yeah, right, right. Tours, yeah. Very different. Meaning, if you're talking about Vietnam in 1967.

Joe Rogan
Huge difference. Big difference. And I found out. Um, do you mind if I just dip into, uh. I brought a little something.

I have to do it about every 20 minutes. I do apologize. What is it? I have to have an eating thing I have to do. Really?

Well, if you don't mind. No, no, not at all. No, thank you. Oh, God. What is your eating thing?

I'm a little embarrassed, but I have a tapeworm. For real? Yeah, like a. It's about almost 4ft. Have you ever had one?

Harland Williams
You really do? Yeah. I never know with you. You know, I don't know if I should feel bad or start mocking you. Well, you can do whatever I don't even want to bring up.

I feel bad if it's true. You have a real tapeworm. I do. How'd you get it? You think?

Joe Rogan
I was in the Galapagos Islands recently and we. They have a rodent over there called the Bermuda eel rat. And it's not. It's not a documented species, it's the local jargon. Everything evolves in, as you know, through Darwin.

Everything evolved over in the galapagos, the tortoises, everything. It's a unique place where evolution took place. And I guess this rapid. A bit elongated its spine. And so they call it the.

Came off originally off a Bermuda, like, transport ship or something. Right. And so they eat it over there. And I ate the damn thing. And I got a parasite that led to a tapeworm and she's about a four footer.

Harland Williams
What do they do to get out? Get it out? Well, they have pills, but this is. I don't even know if I should talk about this, but a little odd. I sort of got attached to the little fella.

Oh, you like having it now? Well, you know, we hear all this talk about, you know, women and men and men can have babies. They're telling men they can have children. So you got a little baby tape for them? Well, let's just say I have something living inside me and I sort of like it.

Joe Rogan
I sort of like. Sometimes I can feel it moving around. Sometimes I'll put a piece of cheese in the bed at night and it'll come out and I feel like I have a tail. And so what I have to do is I have to eat celery. Well, what it does, it reacts to the vibration of sound.

And Celery's kind of got the best kind of crunch and it kind of settles the guy down. Okay, just. I just need to take a couple of bites. Go ahead. Sure.

Well, if you're gonna laugh, you have to do this about every 20 minutes for the tapeworm. Yeah. Settles him down. I think you go to a bad doctor. I think you're getting bad advice.

No, I just mean for me. For you, this is like a self medicating. Yeah, I think they can get rid of those things, man. No, but what I'm saying, I've grown attached to Dimitri. Dimitri.

Harland Williams
It's probably like, you know, I have. A forced labor, but I like Dimitri. Yeah, but you can't keep a baby inside you forever. The whole idea is the baby gets born and then it goes out. Hold on, doctor Spock.

Joe Rogan
These suckers can grow up to 30ft long. Mine's a four footer. Can they really get that big? How do they know how bigger's is this? Would they do an MRI or something?

Well, they did. We did an ultrasound and they could see the tape. Do you got a picture of that? I don't have a picture handy. How do you not have a picture on your phone of that?

Got my kid of little Dimitri. Yeah. Seems like he'd be really sad if you didn't have a picture of him. I gotta bring one in. When I come back next week, I'll bring one in.

Harland Williams
Tapeworms or cestatoes could range in length 1 meter up to 50ft. 50ft. Dude, 15 meters. The length and width of the tapeworms can vary depending upon the species. Wow.

Pork, beef, fish. Tapeworms can grow to be 15 to 30ft. And Bermuda eel, rats. Do they have that there? How'd that rat taste?

Joe Rogan
You know, it's kind of good. You know, they season it up with the galapagos seasoning and it's kind of like blackened catfish, but it's like galapagos seasoning. So you think all those people that live there probably have tapeworms? I don't know if they have it, but I sure got it. They have to have it.

Harland Williams
Have you got it? That must mean everybody has it. Unbelievable. There's places the world that, like, especially like tropical places where most people have some kind of parasite. It just becomes a part of like, your body.

You now exist with that thing in you forever, you know? Have you ever had a tapeworm? No, I have not. Do you want one? No, thanks.

Joe Rogan
What's the worst thing you've ever had? Like, the worst weird ailment? Staph infection. No way. How many people on your staff?

Harland Williams
It was a small business. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

Just one employee. What's a staph infection? It's an infection that you get on your skin. And it's like a bacterial infection? Exactly.

It's really common in jiu jitsu, and a lot of people get it and they don't recognize it. Ari actually had it, and Ari didn't know he had it until I pointed it out. And we got him to the hospital, like, right away. Ari and I were playing pool, and he was limping. I'm like, why are you limping?

Joe Rogan
What? And he goes, I got a spider bite. And I go, let me see it. And he pulls his pants up, and his knee, he has this swollen, like, pimple on his knee and the pus at the end of it. I go, dude, you have a staph infection.

Harland Williams
I go, we gotta get you to the hospital right now. He goes, are you serious? Is it lethal? Yeah, it's lethal. People die if it gets systemic.

If staph infections get systemic, if your body becomes septic, you could die. Yeah. People have died from staph. It happens all the time. Yeah, people get it in hospitals a lot, don't they?

Yes. And unfortunately, in hospitals, they get something called MRSA, and MRSA is medication resistant staph infection. Wow. A lot of black gospel singers get that. I hear MRSA.

Joe Rogan
Oh, that's mercy. I'm sorry, what were you saying? Jamie, didn't you say. Didn't you say something? Oh, I thought I heard you.

Harland Williams
I thought I talked about numbers of people dying. Yeah, I thought I heard. Yeah. How many people a year die from staph infections? I think it's a big number.

Joe Rogan
Wow. I know quite a few people that have been deathly ill from staph infections and had to go to the hospital and get their legs cut open and get their legs drained. Yeah. It's a horrible, horrible thing to watch. Like, it eats holes in people.

You've watched staph infection surgeries? No, no, no. I mean, I've seen them online. 2017, the center for Disease Control Prevention reported that almost 20,000 people in the United States died from bloodstream infections caused by staph. That's 2017.

Harland Williams
It killed 20,000 people. Yeah. So that's the worst thing I've had for sure. How long did it last? Didn't didn't last very long because I caught it.

I got real lucky. I caught it quick. I was at a airport with my friend Tate, and I had these little pimples on my calf. And he goes. He goes, hey, what is that in your calf?

I go, I don't know. Something. And he goes, did I think that's staph? I go, really? He goes, yeah, you should get it looked at.

So immediately I went to dermatologist and he's like, yeah, it looks like staph. And he put me on antibiotics before they even got the results of the test back. He put you on it? Not your cow. My cow.

Joe Rogan
I thought you said your calf. Calf like leg. Part of your leg. That one. You really went out there with that one.

Harland Williams
That's the worst thing. Have you ever. Do you really have a tapeworm? I do. For real?

Joe Rogan
Yes, please. And what do they have you on? Ivermectin, where they have you on? They don't have. They just.

You can't get it. All they do is kill it. It lives. It can live in your system. They told me.

For your whole life, right? Yeah. Have you ever seen bears? They have them, like, sticking out of their ass. Oh, yeah.

Harland Williams
Like a fucking hose. Like a garden hose. Just hang dang. You ever seen the. The worms that come out of praying mantises?

Oh, yes. They're like. They're like, huge. Huge. They put a praying mantis in water.

Joe Rogan
And that bastard must not have been praying enough. Cause it's got a tapeworm longer than Dolly Parton's ass hair. Not only that, those worms. Those aquatic worms trick grasshoppers into drowning themselves. They could be bo, what are you doing, man?

Harland Williams
Don't do that. No, the pulp. I know, but don't just grab it and put it on the pump. I know, but it was. I felt like I was chewing cud.

Joe Rogan
Well, I put it on the other celery. I would never put cud on your table. Please. Well, I don't want Dmitri to get upset. You need to reach into your asshole and pull Dimitri out.

Harland Williams
Well, you need to, like, you know, like, with your shoulders down the ground. Ass up here. Just get it. Get in there, Joseph, and give birth. Joseph, dial it down.

Joe Rogan
I'm not gonna. Does he ever turtle on you? Yes. Does he? That's why I call him Dimitri.

One night I put out a piece of feta cheese, the greek stuff, and he went nuts. Came out. Came out, huh? Have you ever seen a burmese python? Yes.

I had a lady friend over and I guess little Dimitri got jealous, and she. I woke up. All I heard was. And I looked over. He was?

Yeah. Unbelievable. How are you? Laying, spooning? Like, where's her face?

Harland Williams
Is it, like, right where your ass is? Well, we spoon upside down, so I'm feeling. It. Makes sense. She uses my nose like a bicycle rack.

You have to come.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, it's not pretty, but he's my boy. How long is it gonna take to kill him? I don't want to kill him. This is why I'm. No, but for real?

Harland Williams
For real, how long is it gonna take to kill it? Well, once you take those pills, you can kill it, like, within about three days. And you're not taking the pills? No. I'm telling you, guy, you know, I feel like I have a boy inside me.

Joe Rogan
Wow. Wait a minute. Like a child. Okay, well, good luck with that. Thank you.

Harland Williams
Have you seen. I want to see a photo of those bears. The bears that have it. It's so disgusting. It looks like.

Like enormous spaghetti. Oh, it's a falling out of their ass. Oh. Have you ever been attacked by a bear? No, I'm here.

Right. Well, you look at that, there are survivors. And I. Tapeworm coming out of his asshole. How crazy is that?

Joe Rogan
Whoa. Looks like he just got married. You should put tin cans on the end of those. He's just hoping someone steps on it so he could pull it out of his ass. Yeah, looks like he was parachuting, and he.

And he landed and he's dragging the parachute. I mean, how insane is that? Wow. So, I mean, their whole body is just a disgusting mess. Yeah.

Harland Williams
Like, when you eat bears, you eat bear. Yeah, I've eaten bear. Grizz, black bear, polar, black bear. Black bear. Not Chris?

No, I've never had one of those. What's. What's yg? Black bear hunted them. Yeah.

Yeah, they have to. But I heard it's kind of a musky, kind of weird taste. It really depends on what they've been eating. But most unfortunately, most of those bears are probably eating calves, moose, calves, and fawns. Deer fawns.

They tasted good. Black bears are kind of like goats, though. They'll eat just about anything. They eat a lot. Do you know that in the early days, the pioneers used to eat bear and they would use deer for skin?

Joe Rogan
Say again? Just use deer skins. They just use the. The hide from deer. They were eating bear.

Oh, I see. More than they ate anything. Is that right? Yeah. Isn't that crazy?

Well, maybe there was a reason for that, because the bear was a threat to them. So maybe it's like, let's kill the thing that could kill our cattle or kill our children, and let's eat that versus the docile. This is just a theory I just came out to. Theory that makes sense. You know, we definitely want to kill the thing that's killing your food.

Harland Williams
And if you could eat it too, all the better. And apparently they thought it tasted the most like beef, whereas, like, Venice. Really different. Yeah. Venison has its own taste.

Mm hmm. Yeah. So they ate a lot of bear. Black. Black bears are dangerous, but grizzes are the one you got to be careful about.

They're all dangerous, man. They're all bears. I don't know if. Can I share something with you? Please do.

Joe Rogan
I'm a blueberry nut. Like, I like. I'm like blueberries. When blueberry season hits in early spring, I'm nuts about it. How's Dimitri feel about that?

Well, she likes celery. Don't give him berries. How dare you make fun of my boy Joe. Anyway, blueberries. So this was about seven years ago.

I'm up on a hill in Banff, out in Canada, in the Rocky Mountains. Grizz. You know grizz. And I'll use a line from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Remember Caracadus Potts?

He was the father to Dick Van Dyke. And he used this line where he's singing, he goes, he's doing a song and Chitty Chitty bang bang. And he does a line where he goes. And the bear came a lolloping over the mountain, and I'm sitting there picking blueberries, and this behemoth comes flying over the hill. So that was a grizzly bear.

It was a grizz. And when they attack, they roll you. They roll and claw. And I've never done this, but.

Harland Williams
You are such a dork. Hey, Flipkart. What do you mean? Well.

Just had a real fucking tattoo. Let me see that again. Let me see that again. Dude, this is not easy for me to talk about.

Joe Rogan
The bear came a lolloping over the. Mountain, and that tattoo belongs to a mechanic in Idaho. And you need to give it back to him.

Show.

Harland Williams
Let me see it again. What the. Let me see it again. The bear came a lolloping over the mountain.

What? How dare you? Is that the longest anyone's ever gone for a gag? That's. That is.

Yeah. That's the furthest anyone's ever gone. You actually got it tattooed on your chest? Well, hang on, guy. I'm trying to tell you, I got attacked by a grizz.

Joe Rogan
You know what?

Harland Williams
Oh, my God.

Probably bear hurting, chewing celery. And you know what I did? I did a thing I meant to call the jelly roll. Cause I'm in the blueberries. The only way to evade the grizz.

Joe Rogan
I roll down the hill. He's ripping my chest. Straight down the hill into a river. Boom. Bouncing around like Moses.

Harland Williams
Blueberry jelly. Tuberculosis. Teeth. You're making jelly as you roll through the. Yeah, I'm crushing the.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. And this bear was just befuddled. Just stood there. Looked like Forrest Gump with a chinese dildo up his ass. Hmm.

Now, mountain lion, on the other hand. Can I share something with you? Does it involve another tattoo? Well, no. The mountain lion.

Harland Williams
What the fuck is that? He. Did you glue those on? What the fuck is wrong with mountain lion? Scrapes.

Joe Rogan
He digs in with his claws. What? What is wrong with you? Can I have adventure stories in nature? Yeah, that.

Harland Williams
Those. That makeup artist, whoever did that, they're like, from the twilight zone. Same person. Same person. That aliens head.

Hey, you're healing. By the power of Jesus. Oh, God.

You're healing. Yeah, but here's where I talked to you earlier about learning Mandarin. Here's the difference between the evolution of nature, mammals, critters, and human beings. Cut to about eight years ago. I'm on the Mackenzie river, and there's white water like you wouldn't believe.

Joe Rogan
Little vietnamese boy, kid named Kimmy Long. Wow. Freckles on his face, unbelievable tips, okay? Bears, wild cats, they just scratch the ingenuity, the intelligence of a human. I jump in, grab little Kimmy long.

Wow. He starts scratching me. Can I show you something? Look at this.

This kid scratched the shit out of me. And even in a panic state, I had to learn Mandarin. This is. Twas the night before Christmas.

Well, jeez, man. Unbelievable. What was his name again? Little Kimmy Long. Wow.

He had freckles on his face. It looked like Dolly Parton serving apple cobbler. If you joined them. He was vietnamese. Vietnamese boy Kimmy Long.

Harland Williams
Wow. Why would a vietnamese kid have freckles? That seems uncommon. That's what was so weird. That's how he stood out amongst all.

The other boys of an American Gi. I don't know, but just unbelievable kid. To see a little vietnamese boy with freckles. You don't get that. How many american v like that was always a thing.

Like those Chuck Norris action movies. Remember, like, missing in action? Yeah. There was always about guys that were still stuck over there, and we had to go get them. Yeah, everybody kind of forgot about that.

Joe Rogan
Are those the guys that inspired you? Like Norris? Oh, yeah. Bruce. Yeah, Bruce Lee.

Like, when you were a kid, did you sneak into the movies? I went to the movies, and then it was on television, too, when I was a kid, the first Bruce Lee movie I ever saw was on television. Yeah. Couldn't believe it. I was like, look at that.

Harland Williams
That's insane. How's he doing that? But, like, those missing in action movies was all about missing pows. Mm hmm. And then we always used to talk.

That was always a thing that, like, the pows from Vietnam got left behind. Yeah. And, like, you know, Chuck Norris gonna go back and get him and set him free and. Yeah. How many pows got left behind in Vietnam?

Because that's a, that's a fucking real thing, man. Not only was it a bullshit war, but people went over there and they left him there. John McCain, remember him? Yeah. He was a prisoner for years.

He's. His shoulders were all fucked up. Yeah. He couldn't put his arms down like he was. I remember I went on a rollercoaster with him once, and at the end of it, I was like, guy, it's done.

Joe Rogan
And he was still. That's how crazy Trump is. Trump. Trump made fun of him getting caught. Yeah.

No, he. Trump said, well, I like guys that didn't get caught. Remember? What the fuck are you saying? Like, you were gonna run away.

Harland Williams
You would run away. Would you be? Yeah. If you're his enemy, he doesn't give a fuck. He'll say anything.

Joe Rogan
You're skewered. You're skewered. Even if it doesn't make any sense, he'll say it. Like, what? Guys who don't get caught.

Harland Williams
What? Yeah. How can you fucking say that about a war hero? Jesus Christ. That's true.

Wild, crazy, but he's my enemy. Fuck him. No holes barred. Battle mode. How many american soldiers got left behind in Vietnam?

I was trying to find out. And this is, by the way, they're not going to tell you the real number, right? They're not? No. They didn't tell you why we're going into the war in the first place.

I'm sure even the death count is probably disputed. Who knows? Have you ever romanticized being in combat like that, even though it's the death zone? Have you ever, like. Cause you're a hunter, you're skilled with the rifle.

Joe Rogan
Have you ever sort of imaginary, like, immersed yourself into a vietnamese, like, battle scene? No. Nor could I imagine those guys who got, they got conscripted you know, they got drafted, right? So you didn't even want to do it. Maybe you just wanted to build cars.

Harland Williams
Maybe you want to be a painter. Now all sudden you're over there with a rifle and you're in the dark in the jungle. But does the hunter side of you go in there and imagine, like, you could excel in that environment? No, the hunter is a totally different experience. The hunting side of me is like dipping my toe into the natural world, like getting my food the hard way.

The hunter in me is going out and finding food and interacting with nature. But the elk are not my enemy. I love them. Right. But is there a thrill to the kill, though?

Joe Rogan
There has to be a moment of sort of adrenaline and jubilation when you man conquers beast. Does that exist? The thrill is that you pulled off a difficult thing. It's very hard to do and it's very hard to make a shot with a bow and arrow on an ankle. It's hard in a lethal shot.

Harland Williams
And to be able to do it consistently, to do it every time you hunt, to be able to make a lethal shot. And I'm talking about it like 50 yards, 60 yards. Oh, wow. Do you strictly use bow and arrow? Yes.

Joe Rogan
Oh, I didn't know that. I thought you had shoot with rifles. I killed a pig last year with a rifle. Wow. What?

Harland Williams
The farmer sausage. It was a wild one. Oh, pretty big. 200 pounds. Texas?

No, this was in California. And so I ate him just the other day. Was she sag? That was a boy. It's a boy pig.

Joe Rogan
No, I said, was she sag? I know what you're saying. California, is that a joke? An actor joke? Yeah.

Harland Williams
What was I saying though? What was I on about? Well, you were talking about, oh, the hunting war. War to me is insane. I don't know.

I got mean is like, I don't want to have nothing to do with that. I wouldn't really know. There's no little piece of you that you're in the dark jungle. Someone's boy, that's someone's baby boy. I don't think of it even as a man, that someone's baby boy that I don't know.

That guy has parents and they probably love him and he probably has a wife and she loves him and he probably has friends and they love him. I like it. They just said that. And then some fucking politician is telling me that that guy's my enemy. I bet that guy and I, if we could speak the language, we'd have a beer together and have a good time.

Joe Rogan
What a great. He probably doesn't want to have anything to do with killing me, and I don't want to have anything to do with killing him. And we're both being suckered into this thing by a bunch of assholes who are just making money. I love that answer. Joe this table and hug you.

I would. We hug a lot, but it reminds me of a movie. Did you ever see this old movie with Lee Marvin? And I can't remember the other actor, he was a japanese actor, but this was a movie, I think, in the sixties, where they're both in the war. The japanese pilot and Lee Marvin.

They both crashed on a remote island, supreme enemies. And they only had each other and a box of sake somehow got stranded on the island and they became the best friends in the world. And I think if everyone looked through that prism in life, they would forget about all the war and the violence. When you realize someone else is exactly like you. Exactly.

And that you need someone else, and they have the same fears, desires, passions, and wants as you, it's such a beautiful movie, you know, it's. We're all the freaking same. Whenever you get into an altercation with someone, you feel dislike towards someone, you should always just pitch yourself trapped on an island with that person and go, you know what? If I were alone with them, I would love them. They'd be my best friend.

Harland Williams
You'd figure it out. It's a mental thing. If everyone kind of adopted that mentality, I think things would be nice. Things could be a lot better. We're just.

We're divided by so many things in this world. We're divided by politics. You hear like Robert De Niro screaming in front of people about trump, like, horrible, what are you doing? Like, what is this? Like, this is like silly behavior.

All this is so silly. Not only that, labeling them, calling them clowns and denigrating them, saying, you're less than me, because I like this and you like that. It's all insane. Do you remember there was a beautiful experiment done by Jane Elliot in the 1960s, where she took a classroom of children, and she said, all the children with brown eyes, raise your hands, and all the children with blue eyes, raise your hands. And she separated them.

Joe Rogan
And if you can find it on YouTube, she told all the blue eyed children that they were beautiful, they were smarter, they were more superior than the brown eyed children. And she conducted this experiment for a week. And over the course of the days, the blue eyed children started denigrating and looking down on the brown eyed children, acting superior. And then halfway through the experiment, Jane Elliott goes, oh, I made a mistake. It's the brown eyed children that are more superior.

And so the whole thing shifted. And all the children in that class got to feel what it was like to be put down to have racism towards them. It was a fascinating experiment. It's on YouTube if you ever wanna watch it. It's mesmerizing.

Harland Williams
It's an interesting experience. But, like, what the fuck, lady? You're playing tricks on kids. Well, I think she was trying to dem. She.

I get you're demonstrating, but you're also tricking these kids into thinking that way. Well, I think she was setting the table for them in life, saying, hey, maybe don't think you're better than anyone. We're all the same. And don't let people tell you you're better than everyone. And it was also a social experiment that was documented, too.

Joe Rogan
So there was a. Would you let your kid do that? Do that kind of experiment? Yeah. If they didn't know, would you let them sign up for that?

Yeah. And talk shit to the blue eyed kids? You know what? I'd let my kid learn. I would have hoped.

Harland Williams
I would have told my kid a long time ago that that would be nonsense and that they wouldn't believe that. Right? I would teach my kid that. But it's one thing to tell a kid something and then to let something play out in the real world is it's a different thing. People.

Joe Rogan
Humans have a tendency to get caught up in the fever of things, you know, like Covid. Like Covid. Like. Like politics. Politics.

Like all of this stuff. Yeah. People. Anytime there's any sort of international conflict, Palestine and Israel got Ukraine and Russia. You have a sect of people that sort of know what's what.

And then you have a large sect of people that just get caught up in the furor of it. And it's scary to see how quickly people are absorbed by it and caught up in it. It's frightening. Well, you ever been to a protest? No.

Harland Williams
Protests feel like a mob. It feels dangerous when there's a bunch of people walk around, even if it's peaceful and they're cheering. Especially if they're cheering about something that happened that was violent. Yeah. They're angry and they're demanding something and they're all marching.

It's like you, I think, that ignites in human beings the same feelings of war. Yeah. There's my cough button still busted. Jamie, do you swap that out? You okay?

It's gonna be a pain in the ass to swap it. We had a cough there. Shown a try. No, no, it's just phlegm. Well, I'm good to go.

I don't need celery, please. No, thank you. Why? Don't have any tapeworms and I don't enjoy celery. What can't you explain?

I like it with peanut butter. Do you have any peanut butter?

This motherfucker might have peanut butter. How about a cauliflower? No, that's not the same thing. Well, it's got the same letters in it. No, no, no, it doesn't have all of them.

It's missing the beads. I thought you liked cauliflower. No. Well, now what am I gonna do? Just put it down.

Well, what were we just talking about before that? Vietnam. Are you okay, guy? Yeah, I just got this phlegm thing. Maybe you've got phlebomon.

Maybe. Whoa, whoa, whoa. I like that. Oh, imagine what they can smell. You ever do that noise when you're making love?

No. Why not? What the fuck are you doing, dude? It's primal. Women love it.

Should get up and leave. No, I. Here's an experiment from me to you, okay? I want you to try that animal noises next time you're making love, not to get into your purse. I respect your personal space, but doggy style.

Joe Rogan
Right by her ear.

Harland Williams
Carl just started barking. Listen to Carl. Listen to Carl.

Joe Rogan
Wow. I've never seen Carl do that. Has Carl ever done that before? A few noises in here. Wow, he's fired up.

Harland Williams
That is crazy. Look at. He really believes I have a. Like, if calling dogs was a thing. Yeah.

I'd have, like, a really good career and call, dog, call. What's here? Your growl?

Yeah, pretty good. Dude you got. Carl believes it. You gotta try that with poor, poor Carl.

Joe Rogan
Sorry, Carl. Poor Carl. Oh, God. He thinks he's walked into a wolf pack. Yeah.

Harland Williams
He's like, someone's gonna eat me. This is bullshit. These guys have been pretending to be my friends. They would let me bite their fingers the whole time. They're setting me up, dude.

Joe Rogan
I'm telling you. Try Carl. Try that with the wife. Okay, you got it. Sorry, girl.

Harland Williams
Poor Carl. Poor little Carl. Poor Carl. He's like, what the fuck? That's a good, good noise.

Thank you. Where'd you. Where'd you acquire that skill? Because I learned it when we had. When I had a puppy.

Joe Rogan
I would. I would try to. I like to communicate to animals in their own language, if you can. Right. Do you have dogs?

Right? Yeah, I just talked to him. You don't hardly ever barks. He very, very, very rarely barks. He'll bark if he has to go outside.

Harland Williams
Like, if he has diarrhea, he'll bark. Like, get by the door and go, roar. Fuck. Judge, help me out. Whoa.

Or he'll bark if he sees something. He used to. You know what? He used to bark. Carl's done.

Joe Rogan
Huh? Wow. He's terrified. He's tired. No, he wants to bite us, man.

Harland Williams
He's a little gangster. He'll. You remember those inflatable snowmen that people would have on their front lawn around Christmas time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He barks at those.

Joe Rogan
What? Your dog. Why? He thinks it's a thing. He like, what's it?

Harland Williams
Tell me. There's a big animal there. He's like, letting me know. He's like, dad, what the fuck is that? He thinks it's a yeti.

Joe Rogan
Like one of those abominable snowmen. I bet he thinks it's a bear. I bet it's just like. I bet in a dog's mind, there's a shape that has two arms that stands up big, and you go barking. Bark, bark.

Harland Williams
Yeah, and I have to go, dude, that is just. That's a snowman. Don't worry about it. I love it that your dog has a diarrhea. Bark.

He has a. I gotta go out now. Bark. But you said diarrhea. Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan
What's that one sound like? Same thing. It's basically, hey, I got the rub. Let's go to Taco Bell. I got a funny video that I'll send to Jamie.

Harland Williams
And then we go. We go watch it. Because it was him last night. Because last night he hadn't gone out in, like, 4 hours, and there was thunderstorms outside. And when there's thunderstorms outside, he fucking freaks out.

He freaks out. Like, I can't watch tv with him when there's thunderstorms. He just, like, when we watch tv together. Yeah. We.

We sit on the couch and we cuddle. And so I sit like this, and he, like, puts his head, like, on my lap. What kind of dog is this? Golden retriever. Oh, yeah.

Sweetest dog of all time. Sometimes I don't even hear it, you know? Cause I'm watching the movie, but all of a sudden he'll just. Yeah, he starts, like, spinning around circles, like, dude, chill out. And he just jumps off the couch.

Jumps back on the couch. Kisses me off the couch. Back on the couch. Like, yeah. So last night, Jamie, I just sent this to you last night.

He had a pee. I'm like, I know you have to pee. It's like midnight. Come on, bro. Like, look at this.

Joe Rogan
Kept jumping. He kept jumping at me.

Harland Williams
This is all just because of the lightning. Oh, wow.

Jumping at me. He's just. All he does is just jump at me. You gotta pee. But normally he'd just go out and pee 100%.

Literally never does this. Wow. But he's wagging his tail. He loves it. I mean, he's excited, right?

He's tails. Not between his legs, but he's just freaked out. Maybe he's got the diarrhea, but he's afraid to start so he doesn't get electrocuted. Yeah. Wow.

Come on. Go potty, Marshall, please go potty.

He wouldn't be. I had to bring him back in the house. He just would not be. He just was. Just wanted to jump up and just freaked out.

He wanted to make sure that I was okay. I'm with him. You're okay. Like, he wants to be on top of you when the lightning's happening. Weird.

Yeah. He's just like, are we okay? I'm like, we're okay. Like, as long as I'm okay. He thinks it's okay.

He's like, we gotta get the fuck out of here. Like, his instincts are like, we're not supposed to be out in the open. This is dangerous. Wait, how old is he? Seven.

Joe Rogan
Oh. So you'd think by now he'd sort of have it figured out the way animals do. Well, the thing is, when he was young, until he was, I guess, three ish, we moved here four years ago, and he never really saw lightning. Like, very rarely do you see lightning in California. Yeah, you're right.

Or hear thunder. Yeah. You really hear thunder. Very rarely do you have those kind of crazy storms they have out here. The storms they have out here are fucking wild.

Yeah. Some guy posted a video yesterday, Jamie, on instagram of his car getting destroyed by hail in Texas. Like, some insane, like, four inch hail chunks. You see his windshield shattering his back. Windshield wheeled, windshield got blown out.

Harland Williams
While he's driving, he's like, this is. While he was driving. He's watching his car just get destroyed. Wow. It's rocks.

Just rocks dropping out of the sky. Yeah. Sometimes I think they actually puncture right through the roof, like, through the metal. Oh, yeah. You gotta think of how far.

If you got a four inch chunk of ice that's hurling from space. Yeah. Like, it's basically in the clouds. Yeah, look at that. Oh, wow.

What the fuck, dude? That looks like JF Kennedy's car. He had a convertible. Oh, yeah. It broke windows.

Wow. Yeah. Fucks these cars up. Who always fingering it. I got it.

I wonder how many people get killed by hail every year. There's a good question. Looks like they got, what kills more, staff or hail. I don't know, but I know they say about. I think they say twelve to 30 people a year.

Joe Rogan
This is for real. Get killed by a falling coconut? 150. Well. Or 50 people a year.

150 now. Yeah. Yeah, it's gone up. We were talking about, like, things that kill people, but they, like, inflate numbers. Like marijuana kills zero coconuts falling on people.

Harland Williams
00:50 people. We're not outlawing coconuts. Yeah, I'm saying. Can you imagine getting killed by a coconut? It was a way to go.

It's not good. It's not a good way to go. Especially if you're, like, an accomplished person. Yeah, everything's going great. Like, if Steve Jobs had gotten killed by a coconut, or his little brother.

Elon Musk, is killed by a coconut. Yeah. You would know. What? Believe it.

Like, fucking CIA made that coconut. Yeah. Yeah. Wild, dangerous. According to the NOAA, since 2000, only.

Joe Rogan
Four people have been killed by hail. Wow. Oh, wow. How many people get killed every year by lightning? Let's guess.

Okay, 60. I'll say. I don't know why I said 6200. 200 worldwide. Globally.

Harland Williams
Globally? Yeah, you're probably right. 20 in the US. 20 in the US. Wow.

Every year. So what is it globally? I gotta figure the Chinese are getting picked off by. Because they got billions, right? You got.

The odds are. And they have skyscrapers. They live in sky. Wonder if Kimmy long Wild is gonna get it. 24,000.

Wow. 24,000 a year. Yeah. Killed by lightning. Wow.

Joe Rogan
We were both way off. Wow. Whoa. It was a lot less than I thought would be in America. Yeah.

Harland Williams
60 is what I thought. In America. Wow. Have you ever been hit by lightning? No, but my friend Remy has.

Joe Rogan
Remy? Did he live? Yeah, he lived. He was here on the podcast a couple days ago. Oh, shit.

Harland Williams
He got hit by lightning, I think, when he was in high school. I think it made him deaf for a little bit. Like, really fucked him up. Wow. Yeah.

He didn't realize what happened. He just woke up on the ground, and they had to piece it together that he got hit by lightning. The electronic charge going through the air. Unbelievable. Have you seen what's going on right now in.

Where is it? Where there's these. Is it Uruguay? Where is it? Where there's insane.

Lightning storms that are coming out of that volcano. Oh yeah. It's a different kind of light. So it's the, it's the this, the particles, the charged particles that are being released by the lava ignites with the air. Somehow we'll get some explain the smoke.

So it's a different kind of light. The steam that the particles get caught in the steam. The transaction. Insane lightning shows. Like, look at this.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, Indonesia. Indonesia. But it was, it's been going on like a lot lately. Like even during the day. There's a lot of films on TikTok and Instagram and stuff about it.

Harland Williams
Bro. That is so bonkers. That mean if you were alive 5000 years ago and you saw that, you're like, oh, Satan. That's where Satan lives. Satan's back.

Fuck, he's back. Dude, I got news, everybody. We're fucked, man. Satan's back. Look.

Look at the mountain. Satan landed on the top of the mountain. He's there with lightning and shit. Like you summer home. If you saw this, you'd be like, okay, that's where Satan is 100%.

You would think that's where Thor is. That's where the God of thunder is. That's where Beelzebub lives. Yeah, look at that. What you would, 100% Sauron lives up there.

What's the eye of Sauron? People don't know that. Lightning comes up out of the ground too. Did you know that, Joe? Does it really?

Joe Rogan
Yeah, lightning comes. People just think all lightning comes from. And I'm not talking a volcano, I'm talking regular time. So you could get it right up there. Ass.

Harland Williams
If you're in the. You could get a bolt up your arse. But for real, you imagine you get just your nuts blasted by lightning. Poor Dmitri. How bad would that suck?

Just be walking along the field going, wow, what a beautiful night. Bang from the ground. Yeah, it's true. Right to your sack. Yeah.

Joe Rogan
Do you have any pictures of that?

Harland Williams
Out to your head. Throw your balls out to your head. Yeah.

Just cooked. Cooked. Cooked. Never be the same again. Cooked.

Joe Rogan
What's that noise you did? That's the nuts. Like you gotta think the electricity's going through the ground in your nuts. And like out the top of your head. Just imagine your whole body like captured by this lightning.

It would be like stepping on a landmine. But you didn't blow up. You just, it just can. Look at that. Look at that.

Right up out of the ground. Lightning trailing from ground to clouds in slow motion. Now what? Wow, that's insane. It's like an Etch a sketch.

Harland Williams
Wow. People don't really know these things. And that's why it's important you have me on the show. I'm really glad. Twice a month type of deal.

I'm really glad you're here for this. Look how cool that looks in slow motion. That's what's really happening. Fuck, that's. Look at that.

Joe Rogan
Right out of the ground. That's as big as any lightning strike you'll see coming out of the sky. God damn, that's amazing. Yeah, that looks a lot like Dimitri, I gotta say. All the branches.

Harland Williams
And this is on slow motion. Look how quick those little branches flicker off in the corners in the side. That looks a lot like Dimitri's ultrasound, by the way, I bet. Yeah. Just.

Joe Rogan
Just so we're clear. Lightning is fucking cool. Yeah. That's one of the interesting things about living here is we have these lightning storms. You get to watch lightning.

Yeah. See, like Florida, I think it's one of the most lightning. Lightning active places on the planet. Oh, yeah. Yeah, Florida.

Harland Williams
Florida. It's like a. This is light hurricane season there. Yeah. Like if you're planning a trip to Florida now, like, hey, you know.

Yeah, check that weather. Yeah. But it can be stunningly beautiful though. I've been in scenarios where I've been in Florida at night and you got celery juice on me and you look out like two, 3 miles out and there will be active storms going on in the cumulus. Right.

Joe Rogan
The degenerative molecular charged transfixation particles are lighting, are lighting up the clouds and it's like you're at a Judas priest concert covered in mayonnaise. You got another thing. Yeah. Just like. And it's like all over.

Do you believe in the Matrix? I don't disbelieve in it because if. You ever want to have it, I've got this chemically reversed inverse magnet magnetron camera. And one of the things we associate with the matrix is what the numbers. Coming down in green.

So if you can take a picture, think of it. Where does that exist in reality? But if you can go out on a stormy night like that rain coming down with your magnetized nitronic reverse camera and take a picture while lightning's flashing. Think of it. What are, what are raindrops?

Harland Williams
Water. Right. But not when you take them with an infrared matronic camera. What are they then you'll see numbers in them. In the.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Interesting. If you believe in that stuff. Well, person's got to believe in something. Do you believe in it.

What, the matrix. I don't disbelieve in it. You know, I can tell you that you've experienced it in real time. How can you do that? A little term Joe Rogan called deja vu.

Have you ever experienced deja vu? Yes. So think of it. How can you be in a place that you've never been before? You're standing somewhere foreign, somewhere new, and all of a sudden, your brain computes that you've been in this exact moment and it's undeniable.

Right. How is that happening? Well, it's not really undeniable. Well, it is undeniable because you're in it. Right.

Harland Williams
It's probably a glitch in how you. Interface with reality therefore glitch in the matrix. Well, it's probably how your brain's firing. Your brain has just like. Brain is essentially just like a computer in a way.

Like, there's a lot of calculations are going on simultaneously. A lot of sensors are being considered. Different senses are affecting the way you view the world. And I think it's very possible that you can have a situation where things just get a little wonky for a second and you think, have I done this before? Have I done it before?

But how? Or, you have done it before and every time you do this, you try to do it better and you live the same life over and over and over again until you get it right. A lot of people believe that. That's a good theory. It plays into what I'm going for here.

Joe Rogan
You know, I had moment in time where I had deja vu. I'm not going to say where and when because I don't want anyone to interfere with it. But I've never told anyone this before. I had a place in time where I was walking. I was going under a bridge.

A pigeon flew out, okay? A child was laughing in the background. You know, like a child, like he, you know, like a giggle, a playground giggle. And a red car went by. And I was like, I've been here before.

A place I'd never been. So I documented the experience, the time, the place. And I've gone back to that same place for nine years to the exact same place at the same time. Check this out. Red car goes by, bird flies out.

Pigeon kid laughing in the background. But this year, something different happened that I'd never seen. A feather fell off of the bird when it flew out. So check this out. You save the feather.

Don't get ahead of me.

Harland Williams
Well, the matrix must be real. Well, hold on, I got this examined? I have a lot of friends in the science community. I know a bunch of Scientologists, and I had them analyze this pigeon flew out here. I'm good.

Joe Rogan
This is a feather from a great auk. Do you know what that is? It's an extinct species of bird from South America. Please. That's okay.

Harland Williams
Just put it down. Well, I think you'd like to touch it. No, I'm good. So how does an extinct species of bird drop a feather from a common pigeon? Who knows?

Man. That's it. That's the animal. That's the auk. Looks like that animal didn't really have feathers.

Joe Rogan
It did, believe me. And I'm holding one right here. What, extinct 350 years ago? Is that what it was? Hmm.

Matrix. Oh. Went from healthy to extinct in 350 years. They probably taste delicious. They're probably stupid, and they taste delicious.

Harland Williams
That's. Whoa. The great auk. Little cutie. Can that thing even fly?

Joe Rogan
No. Sounds like a bullshit story. If the. How's that feather get there? Well, this is what I'm saying.

Harland Williams
This thing lives near the ocean. The matrix. You just found a feather that maybe. Someone dropped, floated off of the pigeon that for nine years. Maybe not.

Maybe it just was near where the pigeon was and it was flying through the air because someone had an arc like taxidermy in their apartment building and that feather just kept drifting in the way. And just coincidentally, as the pigeon was passing, that feather was making its way. Oh, my God, look what fell off the pigeon. An ancient, extinct auk feather. But meanwhile, it was just someone.

It was in an apartment building with taxidermy of the auk, and they had the window open, the fan on. Touche. You never know. Could. Could be magic, though.

Joe Rogan
I like what I'm hearing. Do you think this is the Matrix? If this is a simulation, what does it say about your choice of, like, how you've chosen to exist in the simulation? I don't know that we have a choice. You don't think so?

Well, the matrix is numbers. It's mathematical. So do we really have a choice? Did we have a choice that we were conceived? Did we have a choice that our.

Harland Williams
We don't think we did, but maybe we do. Or maybe it's inevitable. You know, maybe there's just this mathematical cycle of atoms and protons and molecules interacting with each other, just this is the way it's always going to go. It's going to go this way, the same way, over and over and over again. And the only thing different is that you get to learn from your past mistakes, at least some way in the essence of your being and do a better job of existing this next go.

Joe Rogan
Around, I don't know that we have to do a better job, I think. I don't think we have a choice. I think evolution just takes us. We're just hanging on to bears, tapeworms at this point, you know? Yeah, but if you live the same life over and over and over again, you're gonna go through the same nature interaction over and over again.

Harland Williams
It's not gonna be like a differently evolved world. You're gonna live the same thing over and over again. I give you thought about it, like, you and I. How old are you? Well, I'm 56.

How old are you? 61. Are you really? Yeah. For real?

Joe Rogan
Yeah. You look really good. Thank you. You do. You look really good.

Harland Williams
Except the scars. You're a little beat up. I've been rolled by a grizz. We have gone through one of the weirdest lives, you know? And if the simulation is real, and if you wanted.

If the simulation wanted you to go through the most profound changes that human beings have ever experienced in the time of their life, just. Just in how people interface with the world, you and I have done that. We exist. We were born in a time where there was no Internet, and you got your news from television, and everybody had a sort of a limited understanding of the world. You could bullshit your way through most things because nobody could google you.

Nobody could get a book on you. You couldn't just run to the library and find out if Mike was telling the truth about his war stories. You had to just get the microfiche things. Everything was possible. The world was a different place.

Then there's answering machines and cell phones, and then the Internet comes along, and now we're living in a fucking insane world where AI is about to take over. If you were gonna pick a timeline to go through, if it wasn't real and you wanted the most profound adventure, you've chosen that. Yeah. You've chosen the most profound changes that people will experience in a relatively safe timeline. Relatively safe in comparison to, like, the Genghis Khan days or the, you know, the days of the roman empire, like this.

Relatively safe in comparison. But profound changes for this moment. Yeah. And we're accelerating so rapidly, Joe, that things are going to be at a whole nother level quickly, where we're going to be looking in the rearview mirror and going, oh, yeah, AI, remember that. There's going to be something that takes us to the next level, and then another level after that, we are going to transcend so far that I don't even know what humans and humanity looks like in a thousand years, if not less.

I don't think it's even 50 years. Yeah, that's what's crazy. You and I are living through the weirdest time ever. Yeah. Because it started like we kind of had in high school.

Joe Rogan
For us, it was the Texas instrument calculator, was the mind blower. Yep. Then we got a fax machine, like, 15 years later. Insane. And then we got the laptop, the home computer, and then the Internet, and that was again, like a decade in between.

And cut to smartphones, and it's been about, what, 15 years with them now? And now AI. And it's just like, everything's happening exponentially quicker. I remember I was on news radio with Dave Foley in the nineties. Dave Foley's.

Harland Williams
He's a big computer Internet technology nut. He loves that stuff. Yeah. And at the time, he was the first person I ever met who had a laptop. Okay, so he had a laptop back then.

It was one of those Mac laptops, the black plastic ones. Back in the day, he had this app running in the background where it gave him constant news. He's like, look, if I keep it connected to the Internet, it constantly gives me news. I was like, whoa, you get your news from the Internet? This is crazy.

So it's like all the news stories of world events. And so when I look back now at how we're just inundated, like, constantly inundated with world conflict stories, world events, world problems, world. World environmental crisis is world starvation, world floods, like, world volcanoes with lightning. Like, oh, it's good. You never fuck.

I remember that moment, that very moment where I was looking at Dave's laptop, and I was like, wow, the Internet just gonna feed you the nose, the news in real time. You don't have to tune into the news. You don't have to go buy a newspaper. This was, like this profound moment for me where I still look back at that day and I go, that was the first time I ever saw a baby. A baby supercomputer.

Oh, look, it's a little baby. The news. And ironically, you're on a show called news radio crazy. Very quickly. Very ironically.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to see where. Where it goes. Cause I think the next evolution of this could be tractor beams, it could be particle movers, it could be, you know, as ridiculous as it sounds, the transporter beam on Star Trek. I feel like, you know, maybe 50 years, maybe 100 years, people are going to look back and go, wait, you went to a place called an airport. You got on a tube and flew 18 hours to Australia.

Like, I think we're going to be at a place one day where maybe they can rearrange our molecules and particles and beam us. I feel like if we can imagine it, it's going to happen. Yeah, I bet it's going to happen. I mean, because think. Is it funny that Star Trek figured that out, but they didn't figure out computers and they didn't figure out cell phones.

Harland Williams
They had walkie talkies, remember? Well, they had. They had the communicator. Yeah, but it was a. Was a walkie talkie spot.

Joe Rogan
Got diarrhea, some Pepto Bismol immediately. But it wasn't. You couldn't both talk like if you and I were on a phone call. Oh, yeah. Harlan.

Harland Williams
Hey, what's up, dude? It's not, it's like, hey, Harlan, how are you? Over. Yeah. And there was no video component.

Those idiots didn't even have Facetime. Dumb. They gotta get back to the future. Didn't have nothing. Dumbasses.

Yeah. Remember that? Yeah.

Joe Rogan
Trip like kaleidoscope. And who knows what those buttons are even for those. They're not even labeled thing on the beach. I do with it. I think it's an electric razor.

If you ask me. I think it's straight bullshit. Yeah, I think it's a garage door opener. I like how it had to flip close, though. I love that about old phones when you can hang up.

I love that. Shut the fuck up. Fuck you. Yeah, like those razor phones. Door.

Harland Williams
I remember I had one of those razor phones. I thought I was James Bond. Yeah, you could express yourself with them. The razor phone was the shit. Yeah.

Joe Rogan
What did that one do? It was just this thin, little beautiful piece of metal. And it didn't have terrible battery life, unfortunately, because most phones had insane battery life back then. You could phone would last for days. Right.

Harland Williams
You know, because like the phones now, they just have so much electronics and this beautiful screen and high resolution. It's doing things. You're playing games on it and, you know, you're taking pictures like your battery, you know, but still your battery's good for like a day. That was the shit. I had one of those.

I thought I was in space. Well, I also like the little side saddle. Did you have the holster on your belt? I tried that. I couldn't do it.

I felt like such a dork from a guy. Wears a fanny back. Yeah, right. And you like to play with guns. You have guns?

I don't play with guns. But this. This phone right here, for me was the fucking shit. I could never imagine seeing somebody with one of those today. I would be like, what are you doing with that thing?

Joe Rogan
But aren't they bringing them back? They have a different one. But the new one is like a new phone. It's like a modern phone. The new one folds.

Harland Williams
Yeah, but it has, like, apps. It's essentially a regular phone. Yeah, but it does close. And it's real slim. Like, look, it looks pretty similar.

Joe Rogan
I think that one. Would you do it? I thought about switching to Android just because I don't like being trapped in the Apple ecosystem. Yeah. I don't like the idea of it.

Harland Williams
But Google does a lot of, like, really shady stuff with. With this. There's different things they do that I don't like. And one of the things they do is, like, if you look at what was their most recent declaration, they were talking about censoring things in a time of social problems. Remember that, Jamie?

They reserved the right to censor information under certain circumstances. It had something to do with Google Ads. Yeah.

There's things that I don't like in terms of search results, curation, because that's the thing that Google does that Robert Epstein has been working on for a long time. Like, showing that when you, like, say if you Google a presidential candidate, if you Google a candidate that's Democrat, you'll get especially someone who they want to win, you'll get a lot of positive stories that come up first. And you have to go deep if you want to find something about corruption or accusations or anything like that. But if you do Google Republican, it'll go right to that. Now, I'm not saying this is just an example.

I'm not saying you could find that. But his research shows this, and I'm doing a bad job of paraphrasing it because I don't remember exactly what it said. But essentially, his claim was that in curating search results, you can have an impact on elections. In curating search results and putting positive things for the people that you want to be elected in the prominence of the search result. If it's not an organic search result, if you actually are curating it, you can affect the way people feel about candidate, and that will affect the election results.

Joe Rogan
Okay. And so that's an issue. That's Google. Yeah. Yeah.

Harland Williams
So I have an issue with that. And Google is Android. I agree. I hate that. But I also have an issue with the apple walled garden.

And I think there's a lawsuit going on right now about that, where they're trying to get people to, you know, because of imessage and, you know, FaceTime and all that stuff. Doesn't work on other phones. Oh, right, right. FaceTime does, sort of, but you have to take a few steps. And that's a new thing.

A new thing is like, if you facetime someone on an Android phone, they have to take a few steps to do it. Okay. I wonder how that works. I've never tried that. Have you ever tried that?

Joe Rogan
I haven't tried it. Let's try it right now. Okay. Facetime Brian Simpson. Okay, Facetime Brian Simpson.

I'm gonna facetime OJ Simpson. It gives you like, a link to. Send them or something, right? Okay, this is still alive. Look at that.

Harland Williams
It said, I haven't seen OJ Simpson. Wait. Yeah, it's answering questions. What's that? I thought we were really asking maybe.

Joe Rogan
I should reach out to him. Is it didn't give me a link to send. Where's the link? I think it's up on the top, like, where the other buttons are. No, hold on a second.

Harland Williams
It didn't work. So I have to. How do I do it if I want to send him a text?

Facetime Brian Simpson. Facetime OJ Simpson. Okay. Send the fuck, you piece of shit. Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan
Went right to Hertz rent a car. Hold on, be quiet for a second. Well, shut the fuck up. Well, Facetime Brian Simpson.

Harland Williams
Okay. All right. It said, join my Facetime. All right, I sent it to him and let's see if it works. So let's see what he has to do.

Joe Rogan
Who's Brian Simpson? He's a hilarious stand up comedian, is performing tonight the comedy mothership. Oh, he just released a special on Netflix. That's amazing. He filmed at the mothership, so it's.

Harland Williams
It says, invite scent. I should call him and tell him what's going on. Who, Brian? Yeah. Okay, this is just holding me up here.

It's not done.

Call Brian Simpson. All right, here we go.

Joe Rogan
Hello? Hey, brother, it's Joe. I'm on a podcast right now. You're live on the podcast with Harlan Williams. We were talking about how Apple keeps people from being able to use certain features, like.

Harland Williams
Like imessage and faceTime. And I was saying that you can facetime someone that has an Android phone, but there's a bunch of steps they have to take. I don't know how to do it. So we're trying to figure out how to do it. I'm going to FaceTime you right now.

Okay. All right. All right. I'll facetime you in like 2 seconds. Bye.

Joe Rogan
Cool. Facetime. Brian Simpson. All right. I sent him join my FaceTime.

Harland Williams
Let's see how that works. So here it goes. Let's see how this feature works. Now, I know all you Android dorks, I know there's other shit that you could use to do this, like WhatsApp. And I guess you could use Instagram, right?

Don't people use Instagram for video calls? This is not so fluid. Now, if I wanted to facetime you because you're a little Apple fanboy over there, you're a little bootlicker. Hell yeah, I am. I could just facetime you and it would work instantly.

See, he's got this invite. Yeah. This takes so long. Like, it ruins the spontaneity about a fun FaceTime call. A fun FaceTime call.

You're at a concert, dude. What's up? Look where we are. And ironically, his initials are b's because this is b's. Bullshit.

Yeah, this is like, straight bullshit. Would you ever shoot your cell phone, like, just to get your friends, like, with a full high powered rifle? Yeah, we used to take them out to the range and shoot hard drives and cell phones. No, that's a good way to get rid of stuff. Boom.

300 win mag at 100 yards. Ooh. It's amazing what it does to a cell phone. Ooh. Do you line it up in a scope?

Of course. Yeah, I can't see that far. Wait, how far? 100 yards. Wow.

Yeah, there's a video of it, I think. That. Didn't Redband have a video? Yeah. You ever shot a machine gun?

Yes. And elation. It's kind of interesting. It's scary. It says, I'm waiting to be let in this piece of shit.

Yeah, I'm gonna tell him forget it. Yeah. Wait a minute. What is it doing here? It says join.

Is it working? Waiting for others? No, this is horseshit. It doesn't work.

I'm telling. Forget it, brother.

Bitch. See, this is the thing that people are complaining about. Yeah. That it forces people to think you're a fool for having an Android phone. So you just go out and get an iPhone.

And iPhones have dominated the market because of that. Yeah. So, like, I think the numbers are with young kids, the numbers is like, it's something like 80 something percent of kids have iPhones. Yeah. Kids that don't have iPhones, they get left out of iMessage group chats.

They talk shit. To. Oh, you poor. You got an Android phone? Yeah, it's a class thing.

It's a class thing. It's weird. It's a weird thing. I don't like it. What do you think the evolution of cell phones are?

Joe Rogan
Do you think it's like neuralink, where we. We're just like. You know, we're thinking our communicative thoughts or. What's your thought on that? Yeah, 100% or.

Really? Yeah, that are a wearable. Maybe some. Something that, like, you wear. And it touches your temples.

Right. Because the concept that we're like, this goes back to us saying about flight, like, wait, you guys carried these boxes around and held them to your head? Yeah. Well, I mean, just this alone was magic. A hundred years ago, if you brought this 100 years back, people would think you're the craziest wizard.

Harland Williams
I have the answers to all questions. Yeah. And they would say, oh, my God, people in 2024 must be so smart. And then he comes 2024 to, like, a maggot convention. Yeah.

You know, like, you see Robert De Niro getting yelled at. He's doing his fucking press conference. He'll never leave. Like, what is this point? This is 20.

I don't know, but this is people in 2024. Whereas if you gave this to people in 1924, they'd be like, there's no way everybody will have the world solved once they have these. Oh, my God. Then they have all the information, and then people will know exactly what everybody looks like. There'll be no more catfish.

And now, like, there's filters that you could use. Where I from, just a small snippet of your conversation on this podcast. I think they need about 30 seconds, 30 seconds of your voice. And then I could pretend to be you. Like, just talk like this, and the audience would see you with what you're wearing, the way your hair is, everything in your voice.

So everything that I say, like me saying this right now, it would be you saying this right now. Your voice, your. Your body, everything looks like you all through AI. Whoa. So there's no fucking way to know what anybody is saying.

That's not true. And then there's a big issue right now with celebrities, especially women. They're making porns with them. Oh, they're. They just changed.

Joe Rogan
Superimposing, like. Like celebrities face on swap with AI. So this porn star is having sex with this person. You face swap Natalie Portman or fucking so I can Angelina Jolie. And now you have a real realistic looking sex tape of famous people getting fucked.

So I could see Judge Judy plowing. The judge, just sucking cock like it's going out of style. The closing sale. Wow. Imagine.

Imagine Judy Dent in a pool boy video. Judy Dent. Remember the, from the, the, the british actress? I do not. M from.

What's your name? Judy Dench. Bench Dench. Oh, there she is. Imagine her in a pool boy.

Oh, she was horrible. She was young. No, I mean now. But look at her. So pretty.

Imagine her rubbing chlorine all over a pool boy. Time is a ruthless bitch, isn't it? She puts the net over his head. I'm trying not to imagine. I'm trying to power through this.

Harland Williams
She's 89 years old. Give the woman her due. Give her her respect. Son of a bitch. How about I give her a check for cleaning the pool?

Joe Rogan
Wow. Getting stuck in the dryer. Whoa. She's looking for something. I can't.

Harland Williams
I can't get out. Stuck in the dryer is my favorite. Stuck in the dryer. Porns are my favorite because it's so ridiculous. You can get out of the dryer like anyone can.

Joe Rogan
I love it when they, when they pull their head out and there's a cling free sheet on their head. Yeah, they got a mouthful of lint. Looks like they've been blowing an elf. Yeah. I'm stuck in here.

Harland Williams
Thank you for saving me. You know what? I tried the drier sex once and I accidentally, I was so impassioned. I hit the tumble cycle. Oh, wow.

Joe Rogan
And so imagine being in your woman and she starts swirling around and you're holding on like a horse, a rodeo horse. It was some of the best sex I've ever had. Did you stay still while she spun? That was the most. I just held onto her to her muffin top, and we swirled around like.

Harland Williams
Did you get any concussions? She did, yeah. Holy God. Banging around there. Oh, her head came out.

Joe Rogan
She looked like this cauliflower. But I had one of the best orgasms I've ever had in my life. That's a one time deal, right? It's hard to doing that again. Well, some women like adventure.

Yeah. What's the weirdest place you've ever done it? Your house. That was you. Wow.

Thought I heard that dog growling under the bed. Yeah, I was doing it under the bed while you were on top of the bed to sleep. Okay, pre marriage, because I don't want to get you in trouble. Where was the wildest place? We were only 15, remember?

Yeah. Where'd you do it? Wildest place. I guess in the woods when we were kids. There was nowhere to go.

Harland Williams
She'd go in the woods. One time we got eaten up by mosquitoes. Like, our whole body, both of our bodies is covered in mosquitoes. Yeah. We're so retarded.

We got naked in the woods. Yeah. In July in Massachusetts. Wow. Yeah.

But you're fucking 17, you know, you're doing. You're crazy. Yeah. Wild kids a lot in the woods. Yeah.

Well, there was always. Woods were always there. Yeah. There was a place when you were kids, you could just go to the woods. Just bring a towel or a blanket or something.

Joe Rogan
Do you love that woods? Yeah. But the woods are scary because anything in the woods is scary. Things in the woods become scary even if they're not scary anywhere else. Like a baby, a naked baby in the woods just staring at you.

Harland Williams
It's fucking terrifying. There's no other place where a naked baby is scary. Like, if you walking down the street, you see a naked baby, like, oh, my God, whose baby's this? Yeah, does anybody know whose baby's. Hey, little guy, hold on.

And then you call the police, you pick up the baby in the woods, like, we're gonna die. It's a fucking naked baby just staring at us. If it's hanging upside down from a, you know, red pine staring at ya, it's pretty creepy. Yeah. Holding on by its feet.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. If you saw a baby in the woods just staring at you. Yeah. Fucking terrifying. Any other place, baby.

Harland Williams
So the woods are automatically scary. Yeah. And it's. You're scared that you're gonna get caught, so that's exciting. Yeah, we're not gonna get caught.

Don't worry. We're gonna go deep in the woods. What about the city, though? You ever do it in a crazy place in the city? Not really.

You sewers, you ever go in the sewer? You ever go in a manhole? How little fun. A Ferris wheel once. Really?

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Whoa. Yeah, we worried you were gonna be at the bottom and wouldn't be able to. Well, that was what's cool. We, we would, we would time it so that when we, when we came down was like, hands off.

And then we'd swirl. So it was like kind of this really fun sort of start and stop thing. And then one time, I'm not kidding, the guy sort of recognized me, and we were having the guy here, the carnie who ran it, like, when I got on. Oh, dude, I love you. Right.

And so we were having so much fun, but we weren't finished, and so as we were, he was letting everyone off. I said, just leave us on. Just please, jed. He goes, okay, I got you. And we just, like, finished swirling.

Yeah. Congratulations. You ever do it in the swirling teacups at Disneyland? Imagine if you did. How?

Harland Williams
Boy, imagine throwing up, like, right when you come. I feel amazing, because even though throwing up sucks, it feels amazing when you have to throw up and you finally do purging. Oh, you know that feeling? Like, last time I threw up was about a year ago, and it was in the middle of the night. I got up, and I was like, I feel like I'm gonna fucking puke.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. I just. I didn't feel good going to bed. And in the middle of the night, I was like, whoa. And I woke up and I went to the bathroom to pee or throw up, and I was like, oh, boy.

Harland Williams
They might both happen at the same time. Oh. And I held the pee and just went. And then I peed right all over my throw up. I don't give a fuck, dude.

Wow. That's how wild. Wow. I didn't even bother. I just pissed on the throw up.

Joe Rogan
Left it. Yeah. Surfing turf. Just a little throw up. Did you do the thing when you barfed?

Like, right after you just curled up on the bathroom floor in the fetal position and felt the cool tiles on your naked skin? Never done that. Me neither. I do lay down on the bathroom floor sometimes when I get out of the sauna, though. Oh, yeah.

Harland Williams
Cause the tile floor, like, right when you get out of the sauna, it's 185 fucking degrees or whatever it is. Yeah, I like to lay down that. Cool. Could you do the ice soaking? Yeah.

Inside my house when I'm inside. Inside my house. I have one outside, too. I'd love to come over later and sit in it with you. Yeah.

We got one here. Flowers. We got one here. I'd rather do the one at your house, I think. Then you can have dinner, too.

Okay. What do you want to sleep over? I wouldn't mind. I bet you do. Well, we're gonna work out in the morning.

Joe Rogan
No, you can you get the gold plunge? No. I'd sit in ice cream in a hot day. The cold punch feels good for about 5 seconds. Yeah.

Harland Williams
Hot day. You get in there like, oh, fuck. I jumped in lake Superior once, and it was one of those things that probably stayed in about five minutes. And I've never experienced it, but when I got out for about 40 minutes after, I was shaking like, it was so cold. Here's a question.

Lake Superior. Massive lake. Used to be a glacier, right? Yeah. Okay.

Joe Rogan
Biggest of the Great Lakes. Most of North America, at one point in time, at least half of North America was covered by like a mile high sheet of ice. Okay. Right. So you have this time period after the ice age where all that melts.

Harland Williams
How the fuck did the fish get in there? Yeah, how the fuck did those fish get in there? It's a mystery. That's a really good question. How those lake trout get in there in the middle of the country, this big ass giant lake trout.

How the fuck did they get in there? What, did they just evolve once the water melted? Yeah. Were there. Were there seeds of the fish, the ice waiting to be melted?

For real, though, that's all ice. The fish ain't getting in there. How do they get in the middle of the lake? The lake is fucking huge. It's filled with fish.

Joe Rogan
There is a possibility, it's an extreme one, but I'm trying to answer your question that a predatory bird, like an osprey or a gull or some kind of fish eating bird, flies from the ocean, caught a fish in a local river or a nearby lake adjacent to. Where are those nearby lakes? If the entire continent, the entire region is. Yeah. Well, have you ever been to a.

Like a farm or anything like that? And sometimes they have those water troughs that they leave out for the cows, but they've been abandoned. Or you come to a place where there's like a little puddle in a field or something and somehow there's fish in it and there's newts and there's aquatic creatures, and you go, how did they get here? How did a newt get up an aluminum bin and get down into this ecosystem that's evolved here? It's fascinating.

Your question kind of raises the questions for all of creation.

We can look at evolution. We can look at the dawn of time. But really, has it ever been answered? Not totally. I mean, they don't have an exact time by time, like day by day timeline.

Harland Williams
But do they have an answer to how fish got into the Great Lakes? I can't believe I never asked that before. I never even thought of it before. Huge body of water. Of course there's fish in there, but if the whole continent was covered 10,000 years ago in ice, what the fuck happened?

Joe Rogan
Well, you might have to say, okay, somewhere there was a tributary. That has to be from the ocean. No, it would be from north. It would be from up north. Where'd the fish come from?

Hudson's Bay down into superior and the ocean. Fish, maybe they probably swim up river from the warm areas. Well, that's what salmon do. Yeah. They swim up area.

Harland Williams
That makes the most sense they got in those lakes. So those lakes must be connected to rivers, right? Oh yeah, I have. They have to be. They all are.

They probably swim up into the lake and then evolve to become like these big lake creatures. Like lake trout. Yeah. Because lake trouts are fucking huge. Lake trout can get huge.

Yeah, man. Yeah. People ice fish them. Yeah. It's like a big wave.

It's. They're fucking crazy looking. Yeah. So that thing, you don't really find them. I mean, in the southern areas, right.

Those are a northern fish, aren't they? Lake trout? Yeah. They're sort of a deep water, really cold fish. They don't necessarily have to be way up north.

Right. So if they evolved. So these lake lakes and streams from the lower part of the country. Right. So if you're talking about like New Mexico or something.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Which some area that wasn't covered in ice, these things swim all the way up the river and then they evolve in this lake to become bigger and to become adapted to the cold deep water. Different species. Yeah. It's crazy.

This is the mystery of crazy, where we are. Yeah. And this. How about sturgeon? Where does sturgeon, where they're like dinosaurs come from.

These things are what, a thousand pounds or more? Huge monsters. They look like dinosaurs. Prehistoric. They look prehistoric.

Harland Williams
Have you ever seen that thing that's in the Amazon that it has essentially bulletproof scales? Yeah. The black, what is called. I've seen Rapaya. Yeah.

What's up, Jimmy? Well, just this, the way the fish. Got into the Great Lakes is a. Way deeper story than I've uncovered so far. But the way salmon got there, specifically.

Sixties people brought him there. Yeah, a guy had to bring them there. Mmm. That makes sense. Fishing became very popular back then.

So a lot of dead fish swimming. Like on the shores for some reason I was trying to find out. But were there any fish in there before the salmon? That's the. There had to have been.

That's. I was first asking it. I know I've seen this image recently, like the depth of Lake Superior. Specific. Holy shit.

Joe Rogan
Very deep. I fished that 333ft. Fuck. So there could maybe have been something under there waiting for the ice to. Melt that came back.

Harland Williams
There's a bunch of stuff saying what he said to where like fish eggs get dropped by other birds and end. Up in the water. Hmm. I gotta think the river has a lot to do with it. But that was so there was, this is like, you can't go up Niagara Falls.

Mmm. That's true. Right? Good. Yeah.

Good point, Jamie. That's a very good point. Right? How the fuck does it get past those? God damn it.

What a mystery. Yeah, Harlan, we've maybe cracked or uncovered one of the biggest mysteries in humankind, and no one's talking about it, buddy. Yeah. Isn't that incredible? Yeah.

Joe Rogan
Aren't you glad I showed up? We busted it out. Wow. We're the ones. We're the ones.

Harland Williams
Imagine tomorrow, like, front page every newspaper, Harlan Williams and Joe Rogan pose serious question as to how fish got in the Great Lakes. And scientists are baffled and they all start talking to us, coming to us. Like, how did you guys realize fish had to get into the Great Lakes when the Great Lakes used to be covered in a glacier? Yeah. You guys are geniuses.

Untouched geniuses of nature. And then maybe when Trump gets in for a second term, he appoints us to some sort of a nature advisory board and we give. We could be the master icthologists. Yes. We could be the people telling everybody how to fix all these problems with animals and people.

Joe Rogan
But see, here's the other layer of this lasagna that we're not talking about. You're talking about lake trout, right? How about the lake superior? Probably has 60, 70 different species of fish. I fished lake Superior.

I've caught whitefish. I've caught lake trout. There's all kinds of fish in there, right? How they get in there, by the. Way, I used to work on the shores of Lake Superior, and there's a place.

You'd like this, because I know you like bears and you like guns and you like. There's a. Believe it or not, there's a place on the shores of Lake Superior called Naze Provincial park, where it was such a desolate place that in world War two, they had a german nazi prisoner of war camp on the shores. Whoa. And the prisoners, it was so remote, no one could escape because they would have gone into the canadian wilderness.

But the german soldiers captured somehow a black bear and trained it to box. They put boxing gloves on it, and the nazi soldiers, for entertainment purposes, would box with this black bear. Jesus Christ. And they sunk a whole bunch of wartime vehicles in lake Superior. Wow.

Yeah. How many bonnies do you think are in Lake Superior? I don't know, but they might be preserved. It's so cold. That's what I'm thinking.

If you went down. Yeah. If you dropped them all the way to 1300ft, just a creepy skeleton with his 1970s jeans on the bottoms, he. Might not even be a skeleton. That's what I'm saying.

It's so cold. He might still have flesh and just be like your baby in the woods. Just like, hi, Joe, would you like a fresh cauliflower? Don't you think something would eat them? Maybe more lamprey eels.

Harland Williams
This thing's alive down there. Lampreys. You ever seen a lamprey? Aren't they. Aren't they a saltwater creature?

Joe Rogan
No, freshwater. They're in Lake Ontario. Oh, really? Yeah, I know. They're.

Harland Williams
They're cling to the back bottom of sharks a lot, right? They feed off of what they. Those are remoras. Oh, that's right. Remoras.

Joe Rogan
By the way, similar to lamprey is one of the more heroes. It has a round. It's like an eel with a round suction cup with circular, like, buzzsaw teeth. It affixes itself on the fish and slowly sucks their interiors out. Jesus Christ, look at what?

Harland Williams
If that was in a movie, you would say, oh my God. Glad that's not real. Yeah, that's like Dune, right? That's like the worm in Dune. There is a movie.

Joe Rogan
What's it called? Let me see that one where that dude's holding it again. That's so creepy. Yeah, the lamp. Fucking mouth, man.

Well, what's. What's amazing is it sucks your insides out and slowly eats you alive. So it pulls the skin apart and then just sucks out? No, it literally creates a hole. Look at it biting that dude's hand.

Yeah, it puts a hole in the fish and just stays affixed to the same spot and eats its insides out. They're older than dinosaurs. Yeah. Now they're in there. In like in the Great Lakes.

Harland Williams
That's crazy. How the fuck did they get in there? So that's one attached to a fish? Yeah, that's on a lake trout right there. Show me that.

Fix the photo. Oh, so that's the hole where it was? No, that's it. Hanging. Invasive.

Oh, those are the ones hanging? Yeah. And then see the hole? You can see a hole where one let go and they just, they just. Click on that link.

Joe Rogan
Please consume the fish. Where they from originally? It says it's an invasive species. I don't know, maybe the Amazon does it say wow. Right, right.

Harland Williams
But where are they from? It says it's invasive. It's a sea lamprey. Yeah, they're the Great Lakes. The sea.

Sea lamprey is invasive and it can cause problems in local ecosystems. It's a lot to do with its size. Sea lampreams are big compared to native species. So it comes from the ocean somehow or another, and they can live in the. In fresh water.

That's crazy. Well, apparently the girl, I think her name's Maria Bell, was the first person to ever swim across Lake Ontario. And she had to swim through schools of those, apparently, when she swam across Lake Ontario. Oh, my God. Imagine those little fuckers grabbing a hold of your asshole.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, they're the perfect. They almost got asshole suckers for mouths. Yeah, like, they're perfect. Jesus. Hate to see Dimitri around one of those.

Harland Williams
So in the 1950s, the US and Canada teamed up for population control measures, and they have worked several strategies, including traps to capture adult lampreys, lampricides, poison target seed lamprey larvae, and installing barriers or few tactics to use so far. What does it say?

That's a good thing left multiple Ic lampreys could significant damage to the region's $7 billion fishing industry. Huh. Lampreys. Yeah. Creepy little fuckers.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. And then the remora. How weird that thing is. The remora has a suction cup on its head. So the top of its head is a suction cup.

Harland Williams
Look at that. And I was sexually assaulted in Florida. I had been eating a bacon sandwich and spilled some on my lap and went swimming. And that thing sucked me for about an hour and a half. Look at the top of its head.

Joe Rogan
Well, someone's not paying attention. I'm paying attention. I had a sexual assault and you glazed. I didn't believe you. Well, it's.

Harland Williams
It lasted too long. I can show you the suck mark, like 30 seconds. I said, oh, my God, that thing clung to his leg for 30 seconds. But I. Maybe I wanted to last.

Joe Rogan
Remember, you're talking to the dryer sex guy here, right? The guy with the baby. And so you know that the sucker. What does it say? Sucker fish latches to swimmer.

Harland Williams
Whoa. There you go. Look at her. She's hot. But you know, the spanish fishermen, you know, there was a time when you could eat sea turtles, right?

Joe Rogan
And the remora will swim to whatever's moving because they feed off of the. They're like, they're like parasitic fish. When the shark eats, they'll catch all the, all the scraps. So spanish fishermen, to their ingenuity, they used to eat sea turtles. And when they'd catch a remora, they'd keep it alive in the boat.

And when they saw a sea turtle, they'd put it on their line, throw it in the water. The remorse would go to the sea turtles. Stick on the shell and they'd reel in sea turtles used to be able to eat them. Yeah, that's how they got. No, you're making this up.

No, that's for real. This was, this was in the past. They clung to the sea turtle and that's how they pulled this. They used it like a magnet. Right, sea turtle, yeah.

You saw the size of the sucker on its head. Right. So it would stick to the sea turtle and then they could in essence, pull in the. Yeah, see, there's one. Yeah.

So if you want to go fishing for sea turtles later, let me know. That's crazy. Yeah. Some good sucking going on in the. Take the sea turtles and flip them on their back and put them in the bottom of the ship.

Harland Williams
And then when they wanted to eat one, they just pick it up because. Yeah. Flip them on their back. They can't turn over. So they just lay there.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. And they could stay alive for a long time without food or water. Yeah, because they're air breathers. Yeah. So you just leave them in there until you cook one.

Yeah, throw a leave over it, pick it up. It's like fresh food. I've seen a bunch of videos of people cooking and eating sea turtles in other countries because there's like some cooking show or fishing show where some guy went with them and you're not allowed to do it, but you can be there while people are doing it. You know, if you're an american, you're not allowed to kill a sea turtle. Yeah.

Harland Williams
But in some parts of the world, like their local culture, you know, like in some, like some places, yeah. Inuits are allowed to eat whale. They can kill whale, they can kill. Walrus, seals, all that stuff. So these people are allowed to kill sea turtles, but there's something like really disturbing about watching a sea turtle get hacked apart.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Cuz they're so gentle. I know. And they're so like, what is happening? Yeah, they're just like little dummies.

Harland Williams
Fish. I got fish. Fish is just like, their eyes don't move that good. They just move around a little like, you're so removed from me, I'm gonna cut your head off and serve you. So sweet.

Joe Rogan
I was just in the Galapagos island and swimming underwater with sea turtles holding their flippers. Also so sweet. That's cute. Also sea turtles trying to seem tough. But turtles are always good guys.

Harland Williams
Yeah, in movies and like Ninja Turtles, they're the good guys. Right. There's like, turtles are like your friend. Yeah, they're buddies. Yeah.

They're your wise pal. The turtles are never cunts. It's never like a cunty turtle in, like, movie depictions. Yeah. Can you think of a country turtle?

Joe Rogan
Ah, God. Remember that giant turtle that fought Godzilla? And he, like, fire, would come out of his skull? There you go. Fly it.

Harland Williams
He would spit around. What was his name? No, I don't think so. Well, but, like, turtles, that's like one of those things that happens with people. That's why people, like, love bears, because you have teddy bears.

You have teddy bears and you got yogi, and only you could prevent forest fires. All that stuff like, oh, bears are your friends. They're sweet. And it's what a great pr campaign these murderous assassins have pulled off, getting us to reintroduce them into areas where people are like, we're your friends. They're not, they're monsters.

Big ass monsters. With a good pr campaign. Polar bears will eat you faster than the do anything else. Here's a. Here's a fact.

Owls are dumb. I thought they were wise. I did, too. I talked to a woman who trains birds and she had all these different birds. She had hawks and peregrine falcons and all.

She said owls are the dumbest. There's only one animal dumber than them. That's one of those big animals. One of those big birds. Rather.

That's dumber than them. One of them big birds from Australia. What are those things? Emu. That's it.

That. That one's dumber. Really? The only animal that's dumber than an owl. Just like owls are so dumb.

Joe Rogan
I thought they were wise. I had one going outside of my house about two weeks ago, keeping me awake all night. And I'm like, how do you deal with the wisest of all the birds, right? So I go outside, I throw a Rubik's cube up into the tree. It comes back 30 seconds later, perfectly done.

So I don't think they're that done. Wow. I had. I don't even. Autistic kid living in your tree.

Harland Williams
Yeah.

Joe Rogan
Johnny, I'm trying to sleep. Come down, Johnny. He's up there counting out loud. So check this out, Joe.

Harland Williams
He's out there doing long math in his head. He's up there eating celery. 5000 divided by 16. A beautiful mind. Throw him that fucking Rubik's, throws it back to you.

He keeps going on with his math. I did. I had to do a movie once where I played a wizard and I had a eurasian eagle owl. I think they're the biggest of all the owls. And they trained it to land on my arm on the big leather glove.

Joe Rogan
And I'd never worked with owls up close like that. And the trainer, he was sitting like this with his talons, and the trainer said, grab the back talon and pull it. And I said, well, I don't want to hurt the thing, you know, he said, no, pull it. So I grabbed the back and I, you know, I gave it a tug and it didn't move. And he goes, no, pull it as hard as you can.

And, you know, these are these big claws. I grab it, I could not move it. And he goes, this is what an owl's death grip feels like when it clanks onto something. It's over. I could not believe the strength in that talon.

It was crazy. Yeah, I mean, they're raptors. Yeah. They're just wild. They're claws.

Harland Williams
When you see an eagle's claw, when they give you a close up and you claw. Yeah, it's like a human hand, but with spears at the tip of the fingers. But I didn't understand the strength of them. So strong. Just like much stronger than your hands.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, imagine what they do when they just snatch a salmon out of the water. Fly away with it. I tried things, man.

Yeah. That's insane. I mean, that is straight up dinosaur tools. Look at that. It's crazy.

Harland Williams
And look at all the texture to it. All the muscles and tent. What a monster. Way more powerful than you would, you would think just by looking at it. Oh, yeah, I actually, the, if you look at the claws of the osprey, look at that.

Owls. Those are fake. That's. He's got two hands, bro. That's real.

Joe Rogan
No, those, no, that's the wise owl. That's the real wise owl. That can't be. I don't read books with those. Yeah, he's up there in the tree reading books.

Harland Williams
Yeah, welcome to the Internet. But I was so shocked that owls are dumb. Yeah, look at those claws at the eurasian eagle owl. Oh, my God. Oh, my great horned owl.

Look at those things. That's so amazing. That's what took my Chihuahua did. Really? Yeah, I had a chihuahua and one of those bastards, because they're big too.

So you get a lot of cats. Imagine my little Chihuahua getting picked apart by that. I have a friend and he was telling, I think Steve Rennell was telling us on the podcast, was he, about the, like, they found this one owls nest and it was filled with like cats little collars. Oh, yeah, there's like 30 different cat collars. Yeah, like that.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, that's. What the fuck man, they're just snatching cats out of people's backyard. Yeah, like I said, it's a tabby. Yeah, gone, gone. Sound.

If you hear this, if you're who. You ever heard, like, the difference between the sound an owl makes when it flies? They've done like these, like, where they record the noise. There is no sound. It's insane.

It's silent. When you see a hawk do it or an eagle do it, there's all this different birds have noise and then the owl makes, like. No fucking. The aerodynamics of an owl. They're like stealth bombers, just silent, you know?

Harland Williams
Another wild one is tuna. When tuna go through the water, they can go through the water to grab someone and grab something, and they don't even make a ripple. Like when they go over the top of the wall. It's crazy. I watched video of it.

It's bizarre. Wait, when they jump? Yeah. No, when they're going through the top of the water. Oh, I see.

Slide through it like a nice. Yeah. So that's a hawk. Yeah. No, that's the owl.

Joe Rogan
It's kinses.

Harland Williams
Nothing. Silent. Silent, silent. Nighttime killer. Dumb as shit.

Big stupid head with giant eyes. Dumb as shit. Just fucking killing everything again. They're not that dumb. They gotta be dumb.

Joe Rogan
Woodpecker. I think woodpeckers are way smarter. Really? I don't know. What about a blue hammer?

Harland Williams
I don't think you train a woodpecker. So this lady probably has a limited database to work with. Everything, like, she's got on her arm is like a raptor, except for the owl. Like the falcons. She says, the hardest hawks and falcons.

She goes, they just kill everything. You let them go, they just go find things. They'll kill squirrels. They just can't stop killing. Okay.

She goes, these things, just like they're killing machines. So as I let them go, they just find things and kill it. Like, immediately find a bird, kill it, fly up to the bird, kill it. They come back to her, but they just go kill things first. Oh, this is a trained falcon?

Yeah, they're all trained, but it doesn't matter. Like, if you let a hawk go, hawks just go find something to kill. Yeah, like what? I got to kill. They just fly around like what?

Oh, bird, boom. Dead. Yeah. Not even trying to eat it. Squirrel.

Fuck you. Bam, kill that squirrel. So sport killing? Sport killing, really? They're just designed to kill?

Joe Rogan
Because not a lot of animals do that. Some animals can't help themselves. Lions do it to hyenas. Yeah, I bet that lion did it. To that lady in that car.

Harland Williams
I bet she wasn't eating her. I bet that was a little bit of sport. There's another old video where some like, danish guy's going through a lion safari with his wife and kids and he got out, he was with his camera and literally the kids and the wife, you see them in the car going berserk and his legs are kicking in the air and the line just came and devoured him right in front of the wife and kids. Like the idiot got out. Some people are just fucking stupid.

Yeah, that's Darwin, right? Yeah, that's. That's the whole idea is like, those people are not supposed to make it. Yeah, yeah, you're not supposed to make. It, but they've already breed bread.

That's a problem. At least the kid has the benefit of seeing his dad. Like my dad was so dumb. Like, you know, you can have a dumb dad and get through things and be a different person than your dad was. And if you're a dumb kid and your dad is dumb as shit, your dad gets out and gets eaten by a lion in front of you.

That has a profound effect. I gotta be honest, not even saying. That kid's dumb or that, you know, maybe the kid's a genius. Yeah, you could be. You could have a genius kid be stupid.

Joe Rogan
I gotta be honest though, Joe. In this world we live in, where, you know, humans expire primarily, you know, in a hospital bed or at home and around their loved ones with a disease, with whatever, cancer. Right. I really would rather die like jumping a lion. Like, you know, at the family function, how he attacked a lion.

Harland Williams
He went out on a shield. Huh? Yeah. You went out on your shield? Yeah, yeah.

Joe Rogan
Like I want to noble the death of like. Like a warrior. Right? And I going back to that story, this is gonna sound ridiculous. No way.

Yeah.

But going back to the story where I told you I saw the lion when my hand was shaking, there was that terrified part of me, this is for real. There were two male lions, no one else. I'm in the middle of Africa. Part of me wanted to jump out of the truck and just run it, the tiger, the lion and attack it. Knowing that I die, but knowing that it would be the most glorious death of a man with courage or stupidity.

But at least I would die in a fashion where spectacular way in the real world, organic nature, man versus beast, beast versus beast. Because I don't like to think of us as superior to other creatures. But it just, that actually popped into my head. I thought, I don't want to. I don't want to expire in the leukemia wars.

I don't want to be in hospice. Right. I've lived a good life. So imagine I just run at a lion in that last moment. I get to see the shock in its face of a human daring to jump on it and grab its.

Harland Williams
Yeah. And they would have been on me in a second, but I don't know. Is that weird? No. Like, have you ever thought how you want to die?

Well, if you're gonna die, you know, especially if you're older and, you know, it's soon. What are you saying? Just run at that line? Have you ever thought about that? No.

Would you. Would you be fine just expiring in a hospital bed, like, yeah, that's better. Than being torn apart in front of your family. Yeah. I'm not saying do the people that your family, but if you just.

How are you gonna get one on one moment? Like someone's gonna take you to the line? Let's say you're out hunting a grizzly, and one day you just go, you know what? You put the rifle down, and you just run at him and go, this is how I want to go. Punching.

Joe Rogan
Punching a grizz in the face, knowing you're going to die, but you go out in that wild, punching a grizz. In the face is like an ant punching you. It's like being attacked by a kitten with no claws. It is like. But you get that moment of being a man, of feeling that power.

You'd rather just. That's a stupid way to have a heart attack. Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's a stupid way to die. Well, I mean, it's one thing if you get attacked by an animal when you're out in the woods, right?

Harland Williams
And it's like, hey, this is the price you pay for being in nature. But see, that's the thing. You revert, they attack us. Why can't we attack them now? Flip it around.

Joe Rogan
I'd like you. Yeah, you can. Okay. Maybe I'm even inviting you to come with me to do it. If you ever find out that you're gonna die and that's how you want to go, I'll go.

You'd come with me? Yeah, definitely. I'll bring a rifle in case you change your mind. You wouldn't be like, as you're running like Joe, I changed my mind. Boom.

Harland Williams
I'll have my crosshairs on him. You wouldn't run to the animal with me? No, no. I'll be there to watch me do. Yeah, I'd love that.

Okay. It'll be a special moment with Cher. I'll be there when you pass over into the next stage. But you got to do me a favor. Yeah.

If, like, heaven's real, if, like, there is an afterlife. Yeah. Whatever it is, just let me know. Oh, come back and tell me. Come in a dream.

Tell me in a dream? Yeah. You've got a dream of someone who died, and it seemed, like, super realistic. Oh, yes, I think I have. What was it?

Joe Rogan
It might have been my dad. Ooh. Yeah. I just remember being really sad, like, he's gone, and there was, like, this wave of emptiness because my mother did die and. Are your parents still with us?

Harland Williams
Yes. So, when my mother died, like, this hole formed in my heart. Like, it literally felt like a hole, and it can't close. Like, I can come to peace with it. I can.

Yeah. I can be at harmony with the fact that she's gone, but. And I wasn't even super close with my mom, but the hole that got left in my heart, it's like, whoa. It's. I can.

Joe Rogan
If I focus on it, I can feel it immediately. And it's that. That just that connection to the mother, the person that brought you into this world, you know, is really, really powerful. And so, in the dream, what happened with your dad? I can't remember.

It's foggy. What I remember more than the actual moment is that feeling, that feeling of emptiness that. Oh, they're gone. You know, just gone forever. And it was really sort of this sad, crushing feeling on my soul.

It's. It's powerful. I had a dream after Phil Hartman died, and it wasn't that long after his death. And in the dream, I ran into him, and it was very realistic because we were outside, and he had, like, one of those folding lawn chairs, and it was on the ground, and I said. I said hello, and he was explaining to me that him and his wife had worked it out, you know?

Harland Williams
This is after his wife killed him. Yeah. You know, you were right there, too, right? I wasn't there when it happened. No, but you were working the show when it happened, right?

Yeah. And he laughed about it, like, yeah, we had a lot to work through, like, but we're good now. Something along those lines. And then he sat down the lawn chair and, like, fell backwards. Like, it stumbled backwards.

And then I looked, and he was gone. It was really weird because. And then I realized it was a dream, and then I woke up. But I remember thinking, like, in the moment that seems so realistic. Like, he was, like, telling me he's okay because I tried to get him to divorce that lady a bunch of times working with him.

Yeah, because they would fight like, crazy fights where he would just disappear for a couple. He would leave the house. And he was telling me he wanted to get divorced, but he did want the lawyers to take a third, because. It'S like, I was like, just keep half. No, no, it's two thirds.

So the lawyer takes a third. This is what he was telling me. He's like, I go, just give her half. You're always gonna make money. Just get out.

Be free. Just be your, you know. And he was terrified of that. He was terrified of leaving. And so when he finally decided to leave, she murdered him in his sleep.

She shot him, and then she shot herself. And my friend was actually. My friend who was a cop was actually there when she shot herself. Oh, so that happened when the police approached the house? Yes.

Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah. The police broke into the house to try to save the kids, and she shot herself. The kids ran away from their mom.

He told me. So he. He took. I hadn't done. I hadn't done stand up in two weeks after the murder.

I was just. Yeah, I just couldn't imagine anything being funny, and. Yeah. And then I decided two weeks later to try to go to the comedy store. So I'm at the gas station, and while I was at the gas station, my friend who was a cop was there, and I was like, hey, what's up?

How you doing? He goes, how you doing? You good? And I go, yeah. He goes, you know, I was there.

I go, really? And then he told me the whole story about how he was there, and they saw the mom in the bathroom with the gun, and the kids ran away from the mom when the cops broke down the door, because the cops saw her in the bathroom with the gun. And a lot of times in murder suicides, the mother will kill her children. Yeah, of course. Yeah.

And so they were. She was in there with the gun, talking to the kids, freaked out. And then when they broke down the front door, the kids ran away from the mom, and she just blew her brains out. The only good side is they didn't see her do that. I'm guessing.

I'm hoping they didn't say that. There's no good side. I mean, there's no good side. You lose your mother and your father in a murder homicide in one night, and you're like, what? You mean there's no good side?

Joe Rogan
With your intuition, like, obviously, you were advising Phil to get away. Yeah. Was there ever a foresight in your head that she would murder him? Wow. No, no, no, no.

Not funny how we just don't know people. First of all, she was also on Zoloft and cocaine, and the family won some sort of a settlement with Zoloft. Not much. But you. There's instances where people mix Zoloft with cocaine that they have psychotic reactions.

Yeah. And I suspect that's what was going on. And she was. She. They hated each other.

Harland Williams
They loved each other and they hated each other. You know, it's one of those deals. Like, she would insult him publicly. It was. It was rough, man.

And, you know, I was just saying, like, you're a great guy. Like, you don't need to be going through this. Yeah. Like, you need to get divorced and have, you know, share custody of your kids and. And try to set an example and just not.

You can't do this. Like, the fighting was so bad. It was. And he hated it. He didn't want to be married to her.

He was stuck. And I told him, like, you can't just stay stuck and just let these circumstances overcome your existence. Yeah. No matter how hard it is, you have to push through. So we had a break where we were done filming for a bit till we went back for the next season.

And one day I woke up and someone called me and told me. And then I saw it on the news, and it's just like, what? And then everybody was calling everybody, and we all got together. We were like, fuck, it's just so hard to believe. It doesn't make sense.

Joe Rogan
It's like, yeah. How was he your buddy? Like, were you friends with him off set, like, chum around and stuff? Yeah, he actually took me up in his plane once to find where I wound up buying a house because I was. He goes, one of the cool things about flying is, like, I can show you, because he had just got.

Harland Williams
He had gotten his pilot license while we were on the show together. Yeah. And so he was always practicing that. He bought one of these single engine planes. It was pretty cool.

And so he said, you want to come up for a flight? I'll show you around. I'm like, yeah, let's do it. And so we flew around the valley, and he showed me all these different areas, and it's like, he was a. He was a great guy, man.

Joe Rogan
Did you. Sweet, sweet guy. Given the turmoil in his relationship, were you privy to the knowledge that they had a gun in the house? No. No, I had no idea.

Because you got a. When you're going through something bad with a spouse, I mean, I don't think it's good having a gun in the house because someone could flip like that, you know? Yeah. That's a horrible thing to think. But I don't even know whose gun it was.

Harland Williams
I don't know anything, you know? Yeah. I don't know if it was her gun. I don't know about the gun. I don't know.

Joe Rogan
Damn. Yeah, but the dream. The dream was so strange because the dream was, like, him letting me know he's fine. It was. He was Phil.

Harland Williams
He was laughing. He was like. He made some sort of a joke about his wife killing him and that we got through that now. And then he sat down on the lawn chair and fell backwards. Like, it slipped back.

And, like, I think I looked down at the ground and I looked at him, and he was gone. And then I was like, oh, this is a dream. And then I woke up. Did you feel, like, closure? Yeah.

Weirdly, it felt like it was him letting me know not to freak out about it. Yeah. Like, let it go. Yeah. You're always gonna freak out about it, and you freak out about the kids.

Joe Rogan
Yeah. Kids is a big one that you just can't imagine what it'd be like if that was you if you were a kid. And then all sudden, your mom shoots your dad and then shoots herself, and then it's public. It's not just. It's not just that.

Harland Williams
It's this thing that you have to deal with. It's the thing that everybody wants to talk to you about because the whole world knows about it. Because he was a famous guy. Yeah. Well, not only famous, but what really, he was loved, but what really kind of was hard to get your head around is you have this guy who's an extreme comedy force.

Joe Rogan
Right. Yeah. And you don't think of joyous sort of comedy people that elicit laughter and violence like that. And so the fact here is this funny sort of ha ha ha guy that brought so much laugh and then that kind of ending, it's like it just doesn't fit. But not only that, it's like, when does the wife kill the husband with a.

Harland Williams
Yeah. How often is that? That's so rare. Execution style in the sleep. Yeah.

Oh, my God. What must have been going through her head. So, lofting cocaine. Yeah. What's Zoloft?

It's an antidepressant SSRI. Oh, yeah. Wow. Yeah. Google the results of the side effects of mixing Zoloft with cocaine.

I think there's a few psychiatric medications that you. If you mix with alcohol or if you mix with cocaine, you get really crazy behavior. Like, people just go off the fucking rails. Yeah. I don't know even how much control they have.

I don't know what that feels like. Like, what does that feel like? You're on Zoloft and cooking. You might be fucking a raving maniac. Yeah.

You know, just anything on that. So, love. Yeah, like, just that name sounds like it's crazy time. Sounds like it's from the Star Trek. Yeah, it sounds like one of the planets they landed on.

Joe Rogan
Right. The zolofts are here. I wonder if they named it that to make it seem like it's super advanced, like you're gonna take Zoloft? Yeah, it's fucking. Yeah, it just sounds like nutty time.

Harland Williams
Fix it. Yeah, that's gonna fix it. Look, if there was a legitimate happy pill that worked like that with everybody, they gave you like, sort of like a low dose of MDMA all throughout the day. Yeah. It's probably a good thing for everybody.

There's no side effects. I'm mixed on that. Yeah. Because I think we were bioengineered to have what we have. And when you.

Joe Rogan
On a daily basis, if you start tinkering with what the structure was, how it was already, the architecture of the structure, I feel like it's not maybe necessarily a good thing. Taking cocaine and antidepressants can interfere with your medications ability to balance the levels of neurotransmitters in your brain, making them ineffective and possibly worsening your symptoms. Essentially, antidepressants are meant to correct any chemical imbalances that may contribute to depression, such as low serotonin. Cocaine, on the other hand, is abused to spike dopamine. What do you say?

Harland Williams
Abused? How about used buddy to spike dopamine and serotonin levels, producing an energetic and euphoric high. Although this rush of dopamine and serotonin makes them feel great for a few minutes, mixing antidepressants in cocaine can produce serotonin syndrome, which is marked by symptoms like confusion, anxiety, fear, diarrhea, vomiting, seizures, and coma. Additionally, taking cocaine with other drugs also increases the individual's risk of addiction. Chronic users often require cocaine addiction treatment and treatment for cocaine withdrawal symptoms to recover.

Is there zoloft? Mixing zoloft and cocaine psychotic behavior. Google that. Oh, there's gotta be, because I think that was something that, like, in limited numbers of people, they observed some, like, craziness. Yeah, that's poor guy, man.

Joe Rogan
Sorry, dude. That's a modic story. It's a rough story, but, you know, it happened 25 years ago or whatever it was still, it's just like crazy, crazy to believe. It's hard to believe, you know, it's hard to believe that someone could do that to someone that they married to, that they have children with, they love, supposedly. Well, it would lose your mind that far that you would shoot them in the sleep.

Harland Williams
It's fucking. Well, it's the Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison from the doors, you know, Janis Joplin syndrome. They were cut down. They left us with who knows what else to offer us. You know, like so many untold jokes, stories, moments.

Joe Rogan
Like, Phil Hartman was obviously multi talented as an actor too. He was an artist as well. He's two album covers. Like, to see what would still, because I think, didn't he get killed in his late thirties? No, he's in his forties.

Forties. So I don't think he, even more to go. Made it onto Saturday Night Live until he was in his late thirties. That was like, the thing of him is like, he was a grinder for so long and he was so talented and just didn't make it until he did. And then everybody's like, oh, my God, this guy's amazing.

Harland Williams
Yeah, he was fucking great on news radio too. Such a good comedic actor. So funny, man. So good at delivering a line like, oh, such a professional. And it was interesting because he came over from Saturday Night Live, which is like, this really competitive, like, shitty environment.

They snipe at each other and do terrible things to each other behind the scenes. They do. Yeah, he told me it was terrible. And so when he came to newsradio, to the sitcom, which was opposite, everybody was very loose, everybody was silly. We'd all go out drinking together, and it was a good time.

There wasn't any weird shittiness. Oh, good. And he didn't, he had to, like, adjust. So he would tell me about it. Like the, like, he used to like to smoke a little weed.

So I'd hang out with him and he'd smoke weed. This is back when I wasn't smoking weed. And he'd smoke a little weed. We'd talk about stuff and just like, you know, like, he hated being there. It's like it was just all backstabbers and.

Joe Rogan
Yeah, I've heard that story at SNL. Yeah, they'll steal your ideas for your sketches. And, you know, Jim Brewer had horrible stories about that where they, he had sketch ideas and, and he'd put them in, like, the spreadsheet, and they could read the spreadsheet of what you were gonna do these sketches on. Other senior writers would steal those sketches and say, we're doing something on that. And just like, fuck you, man.

Harland Williams
It was just like this constant battle. And he said he had it with cast members. He had it with writers. And so Phil was like, ugh, that's. Not conducive for comedy.

Joe Rogan
That just the worst. Yeah, it's the worst for comedy, but that's like, that really weak, man. Like, backstabbing shit. When they get power, that happens. And some when they have too much power unchecked and no one's watching them, and they get away from.

Harland Williams
With things like stealing younger writers premises, and it's all dog eat dog. Everybody's just trying to get to the top. Yeah, look, that's always been a part of stand up, always been a part of comedy is, like, people stealing people's bits, and the famous person steals them, and the unfamous person and fucked and destroys their lives. Like, we've seen it happen before. Has anyone ripped you off ever?

Yeah, sure, a bunch of times. Yeah. Yeah. I confronted people, and they told me they wouldn't do it again. Then I heard they were doing it again.

Like, there's certain people that have always been buccaneers. They've always been joke buccaneers. You know, it's. It's a Pr, and, you know, they don't have any friends, those. Those people, they, yeah, they sometimes have, like, like a vampire familiar opening act.

So this opening act will go with them, and they'll steal bits from them, too. There was a bunch of guys that got away with that before the Internet rolled around. There was. There was a predatory type of comedian that would just poach other people's premises and sort of rework them. They didn't have any.

There was nothing that they did that was creative on their own. Everything was derivative of somebody else's work. Everything I always heard, and I'm sure he could do, you know, anything he wanted on his own volition. But I had always heard stories that Robin Williams was that guy. Did you ever hear anything about that?

I heard a lot of stories that he was that guy. Yeah. And I think Robin Williams was so, like, part of that manic sort of style. It's like this constant need to have a bit about anything that you're talking about ever. And killing, I think, was more important, and filling that hole inside of him was more important than anything.

And so he would just do other people's stuff. If he didn't have anything to say. Did he get confronted by comedian? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

There's a lot of stories. Kinison got mad at him. Oh, really? Stole from Kinison. Yeah, he stole from everybody.

Stole from a lot of people. So it is true. I always heard that. Yeah, yeah, it's true. If you ask any of those comics from back then, there's always instances of Robin going on a talk show and doing your bit or going on this.

Yeah. Doing your bit at a club. Yeah. With him. Do you think it was because he was just so spontaneous, he would just, like, real puke it out?

There's no way. I think he wanted to kill more than he wanted to be ethical. So. At any cost. Yeah.

And especially back then when no one was really watching you other than comedians. Yeah. Like, even up into the two thousands, like, the mincea thing happened in 2007, right? Yeah. Even then, they were more willing to side with someone who they thought was more profitable than the truth.

Than the truth about what is this person doing and how are they getting this material? This is pretty clear that they're plagiarizing, and if it's any other form of entertainment, like music, they'll bring you to court and you lose. And then all the money from those songs has to come to the original person because you copied their song. That's a classic thing. Happens in literature all the time.

That woman who was the president of Harvard got busted plagiarizing. She's not a president of Harvard anymore. There's consequences always. But in comedy, it's always been self policed.

It's a weird thing, that thing that people do where they try to pawn off other people's bits as their own. It's a vampire thing, because you're around all these creative people, and you just stealing a little bit from this guy and a little bit from that guy. People are scared of you. Did you ever put a guy up against the wall and. No, I didn't have to do that.

Joe Rogan
How come? Because I just said things like, you just verbally, man, don't do my fucking material anymore. You know that's my material. Yeah, just like that. And, you know, they're probably still gonna do it unless you want to hurt them.

Harland Williams
But it's like, the thing about those people is they always get caught, and when they get caught, they. Everything after that sucks. This is how, you know if a thief is legitimately a thief, if they're being unjustly accused, they're always going to come up with new material. They're always going to be creative. They're always going to have new great jokes because they're actually writing and working on it.

But if they're. But if it's true, what you see is an initial special or something, or a few things they do that are really funny. And then you see this massive drop off in, like, the concepts that they talk about, the irony that they just discover they don't have any, like, legitimate points where you're like, wow, that is crazy. There's none of that. It all goes away, and it becomes almost like a person doing an impression of the original successful person because they have no creativity.

And now they're exposed. So now they have to be really careful. So you see that with every thief, you see a couple early, like, big specials or something, and then you see massive drop off and terrible performances after that. It's because they're not real. Yeah, I think I can think of a.

They're parasites. That's what they are. They're vampires, and they're stealing from artists. And they're tolerated a lot of times because they're very successful. And one of the creepy things they do is they start hiring people to work for them.

Like, they'll have a television show or something. They'll hire legitimate people to work for them. And those people now become, like, they become, like, confidants. And so they kind of keep it under wraps. They try to, like, defend that person publicly.

It's a very slick pr move for scumbags. And some of those people working for them could be writers that will steal for them, too, on their behalf, that. Becomes a problem, too. One of the things that we noticed in the early days of the store is that the guys who are thieves, they're opening acts, would become thieves, because even if the opening acts had potential and some of them got out of it and actually became, like, legit comics eventually. But they were seeing the shortcuts this guy was taking.

They were seeing this guy driving a mercedes, and they're like, I want to take shortcuts, too. This is how you do it. If you want to get by, this is my mentor. If that's your mentor, if your mentor is a buccaneer and, you know, you're like, okay, I guess this is a fucking. I thought I was an artist.

I guess it's a dog eat dog world. Eventually I'll stop stealing, but right now I got to make it bad approach crazy. Kind of crazy. Did anyone ever approach you and say, hey, Rogan, that's my bet? No, I have had people approach me where I know that it wasn't their bit, and I know they were trying to steal a bit.

Joe Rogan
Oh, really? One of the things that thieves will do. I actually do a bit on that too. Yeah. And you're like, that's really interesting because I've been doing this bit for two years and you've seen me do comedy.

Yeah. So what do we do in here? Yeah. So there's, like, a thing they do to let you know, hey, I didn't steal this from you, but I have a bid on that, too. But you kind of did, didn't you?

Yeah. Yeah. You know, there's those moments. It's that little kind of poke the. Cage, and then there's also, like, public events, like some big thing that happens.

Harland Williams
Everyone's gonna have a bid on it. You know, like that submarine explosion. You can't say, I do a bit on the submarine. The border wall. Everybody's got a bid on the border wall.

Like, this is like, there's certain things where it's just, you know, but you just know. We know who's writing. We see them. We see them go up. You know, if you go to the mothership on any given night, someone's gonna do a joke at the bombs.

Then that joke, maybe next time they'll tweak it, you know, maybe they come up in the green room. There's many times it's happened. Well, one of us will say a joke. I'll say a joke. I'm like, this joke is just fucking.

I can't go anywhere with it. I got. I know there's something there, but I can't. And we'll fuck around. We'll bounce off each other, we'll network, and then, like, someone will go up with the version of it that's, like, tightened up, and then it starts killing.

Joe Rogan
Like, we got it. It works. And so it's like this, like, cooperative project. Yeah, but it's just, if you're not doing that, then you're not creating new material, because new material is never perfect. It's always like, sometimes, sometimes it is.

Harland Williams
Sometimes you have a bit, like, every now and then came to you and it's hilarious right away, and it kind of stays in that same form. But then a lot of times it's like, you know, there's something there, but you don't know how you're going to extract it. Yeah. Some of my favorite moments is I'm one of these guys. I don't know why I do this.

Joe Rogan
I think it's for the thrill of the killer. But I love to go to the show early, like at the store or whatever. I'll go, like, you know, two comics early, and I'll sit in the back and I don't know what my opening bits gonna be. And I realize those two comics have between them about, I don't know, 25 minutes. They're doing twelve minutes each.

And I go between them and me going up, I gotta come up with my opening bit and all create it as I'm in the back of the room. I call it kind of sort of like swimming, you know, reaching for air when you're drowning. Right. Well, you know, you have to say something. You have to do.

Harland Williams
It forces your brain to come up with something funny to say off the top. Right. And I'll go up and do it as. And again, the opening bit is always the hardest, like. Right.

Joe Rogan
So if you can lay a new bomb as your opening bit that you just came up with, I love doing that. That's a great way to put yourself under pressure. Oh, I love it. Yeah, love it. Have you done bottom of the barrel yet at the mothership?

Harland Williams
We did it last night. Next time you're in town on a Tuesday night, Brian Simpson, who we just called. Oh, you reach in the bucket. Yeah. Yeah, I did it last, about a month ago.

That's the best. Yeah. Back is against the. Shane. Shane and I did it last night for a half an hour.

We do it together sometimes. Wow. So Shane and I went up at the end of the show. Oh, my God, we had so much fun. That's it.

Joe Rogan
It's fun. So much fun. It was so much. We're laughing. We're laughing so hard.

Harland Williams
And we're. I'm laughing at him. We're laughing at each other. We're laughing at the audience. Audience is laughing.

It was like such a party because they know we're just pulling these things out. Yeah, you pull out words, right? Yeah. And you pull out words. You got it.

Joe Rogan
Oh, yeah. So, like, it was cool as a team thing too, because sometimes he's ranting about something, we're all laughing, and I'll just, while it's happening, I'll pull in the bucket, try to find another good one, like, what's the next one gonna be? So we got one on deck, and so. But it's like having that thing where you're forced to come up with something funny in the moment. It's like, it's a good little exercise for creativity.

Yeah. And what I'm getting at, too, is when it hits like, when you, you know, you. When you do that, it's kind of like a 40 60 ratio a lot of the time. 40% success. When you get that one that you just came up with and it's 100%, maybe even 110, they're rare.

But it's like, oh, yeah, did you. See the Andrew Schultz thing that he did about Los Angeles where he's like, you know, everybody's saying that you guys are a bunch of drug addicts and perverts and psychopaths, but that's just one part of LA called Diddy's house. He goes to this diddy bit. He came up with that in the green room. Oh, see, before the show.

Harland Williams
Yeah, they were. Derek was there while he was, like, getting ready. He was like, trying to. And nails it in front of everybody. First time he did it kills.

Joe Rogan
It's a great exercise because, you know, you've got the rest of your whole act. So in my brain I go, let's go up and dive on the sword, see if I can, you know, mine some gold. And if I don't, I don't. Because I got twelve minutes or 30 minutes in the chamber that I know works. So I just.

I love that opening few minutes where you just like, throw it out there. Yeah, it's good. It's exciting. Yeah. Just putting yourself in a situation.

Harland Williams
Like, sometimes when you're on stage and you're doing a bit, you ever go, like, in an other direction just to see where it goes, just take a little turn? Oh, yeah. Just see. Never know. And maybe that turn becomes, like, the best part of the bit.

Joe Rogan
Oh, absolutely. But if you don't do that. Yeah. So, like, that's how you tell the difference between thieves and comments. Thieves don't.

Harland Williams
They don't do that. Like, all of a sudden they just have bits. Yeah, yeah. No, switching gears in the moment is amazing. And back to what you're saying about SNL.

Joe Rogan
That's one of the reasons I love the purity of what we do, is because you can deviate, you can create your own meandering pathway as opposed to structured sketches and stuff like that. It's really. I don't know, it's. It just lets you soar, man. Yeah.

Harland Williams
I mean, you're great in sketches. You're great and dumber. Dumber. That was fucking awesome. Oh, thank you.

Yeah, it was funny seeing you in there. Like, you were like one of my first friends. It was in a giant movie. I was like, damn, look at Harlem. Yeah, it was right when.

Joe Rogan
Probably right around when I met you like? It was my first movie and it was like, oh, no. Oh, no. Some celery. Does that help?

Harland Williams
I think it just makes it if you rub it. Jamie, tuck me those, um, paper towels. What is that, tea? No. Coffee.

Just want to. I like this t shirt. I want to fuck it up. Um, yeah, I mean, we're lucky as fuck, dude. We're lucky that we get to do this for a living.

And you and I been doing it for so fucking long. Jesus. I'm sorry. What are you doing, you dick? No, it's just.

Ah. What are you doing over there? You pull any tapeworm out?

More preparation for this show. Oh, it's Dimitri. Such a sick fuck. You really should go to jail. You should go to jail.

We should deport you. We send you back to Canada for what you've done to me.

It's warm. It's been in my groin for 2 hours. You won't touch the cauliflower. That's like. You'll touch my groin more.

Not into plants, but I really like snake. Harlan Williams, you're the fucking man. I love you to death. Thank you. So honored.

Joe Rogan
Thanks for having me. Great. I'm gonna need to recover for a. Few months, but then, yeah, take Dimitri. Okay.

Harland Williams
I'll leave him on the table. Yeah, he'll stay here forever. Okay, good. His new home. He live amongst the arrowheads and skulls and shit.

Joe Rogan
Thank you, Joe. Pleasure, bro. Great to see you. Great to be your friend, to know you all these years. I love you to death.

Thank you, buddy. You too. Bye, everybody.

Harland Williams
Bye, everybody.

#2158 - Harland Williams

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