Soccer Mom PI w/ Mary Anthony & Aman Adumer

Lacy Moseley
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Wherever you get your podcasts. Scam cun robbery and fraud scam cause robbery and fraud scam goddess what's Poppin congregation? It's your girl, Lacey Moseley, aka scam goddess. Back with another episode of Scam, the podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Sometimes we love them.

Sometimes we hate them. I'm already gonna prepare you guys for a roller coaster because my friends are here. My comedian friends are here. You guys know how it goes. When my longtime friends are here, but we will get to the story, I promise.

Today we have two amazing writers, actors, and comedians on the show. One of our guests is a writer for the hit freeform series Grown ish. So check out the final season. Right? Neat.

And our other guest is a writer for Studio C and will be doing a musical entitled City Walk with her sketch team Moon goon at Dynasty typewriter. If you're in LA. July 7, 07:30 p.m. dynasty typewriter. If you're not in La, come to LA.

Have a good time. Yes. And you can see them both performing on the fourth Wednesday of each month at the Upright Citizens brigade. I've never said upright citizens brigade. UCB.

That's where we all met. That's our cult in our amazing improv team Leroy. One of these days, I'm gonna make a show again. Congregation please welcome Mary Anthony and Aman Adumur. Hi.

Adumir. Adumir. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I should know that. I've known you for ten years.

Welcome them to the show. I saw it right the first time. No, you got it right. You got it right. I'll second guess myself, though.

The Ethiopian jumped out, and I was like. Cause I could be ethiopian, you know, I was stolen, so I don't know where I'm from. Yeah, I don't look like y'all, though. I feel like I'm probably, like. Everyone always says I'm from Cameroon.

Aman Adumer
Cameroon? Mm hmm. That's, like, a specific special one. Yeah. In West Africa, most people get Nigeria, and you know those.

I see Cameroon in you. Oh, see? Thank you. This is how I do my 23 andme. I'm not giving my fucking DNA to the government.

Lacy Moseley
I just ask Africans. I'd be like, where y'all think I'm from? Yep. The african slave we know. What's the vibe of my face?

Aman Adumer
Yeah. Cameroon, it's a lot of. Thank you. It's a lot of colonization in here. People don't know.

Lacy Moseley
Some Native Americans own slaves, and that's how we got our land back. So my hair don't curl in the back. It's something happening. That's the telltale sign. It doesn't curl.

It's something european happening in the back. And I was like, what's going on? One of my friends, breezy. Uh, okay. Yeah.

Aman Adumer
You could keep his name in there. But one of my friends, Bree, he's from. He's from Togo, and he. He can't swim. So his whole thing is like, I can't swim.

I sink to the bottom of a. Of, like a pool because I've got too much muscle mass, and that's because I'm from Togo. Okay, maybe I'm from Togo. Then do you sink to the bottom. Because of your muscle mass?

Lacy Moseley
I'm not a floater. Then you're from Togo. You're from Togo. I got thrown into the Pacific, and I was like, well, it's over for me. Who threw you in the Pacific?

I was shooting a tv show, and they came. They were like, how strong of a swimmer are you? They asked too many times. And then we had to get on this jet ski. A four person jet ski?

That's not a thing. Okay. Yeah, I was gonna say, that's a bootleg. When we were stealing a jet ski for the show, it was Florida girls. And they just kept asking, like, how strong of a swimmer are you?

Just, like, in passing, like that, coming by my trailer. And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I'll be good. So I knew the stunt driver was gonna flip that bitch, and as soon as she did, I just relaxed. I was like, if I panic, I'll drown. If I panic, I'll drown.

No, no, I'm a sinker. But remember Kimia gave me swimming lessons? That's right. I don't remember this. She gave you swimming lessons?

Yeah. Wow. That's true. Cause I really wanted to be able to swim good. She still plays me because I held my nose when I jumped into the deep end.

And she was like, you're not supposed to hold your nose. You're supposed to breathe out. And I was like, okay, I'm sorry. I'm never gonna be a yacht baddie that just jumps off the yacht and doesn't hold her nose. Sorry.

Mary Anthony
I hold my nose, too. What's wrong with holding your nose? She says it's not good. Oh, it's not cute. Yeah, that's true.

Aman Adumer
And you need your hand. You need your hand. Yeah, you need your hand to swim. You need one of your. You need both of them.

Lacy Moseley
Okay, but once you go in, you come up, and then your nose is clear. But not you. You're going right to the bottom. You need your hand to, like, keep you up. You need a float, girl.

Aman Adumer
What, are you gonna die in there? Look, Lacey and I just belong on the yacht. We're not getting in the water. We're not gonna worry about holding our nose. And then you and Kenya can do what?

Lacy Moseley
I scammed everybody in Hawaii. I had a. One of my cousins, they found a GoPro at the resort we were at in Hawaii. And so it was underwater. So they got, like, a video of me swimming, but I had fully had a floaty attached to me, but you can't see it in the video, so it just looks like I'm swimming in the ocean.

That's a good scam. That's good. That worked, right? Find anything crazy on the Gopro? No.

I mean, I just saw, like, the turtle from white lotus. She don't like to do photos, but, you know, it was cute. That was cute. Speaking of scams, what is your relationship with scams? Either of you can go first.

Do you love them? You hate them? Have you been scammed? Have you run any that are, like, past the statute of limitations, whatever? Well, I feel like I'm constantly being scammed by my landlord, but I think that's just what living in LA is, so I don't feel.

What is your landlord doing? She just. Okay, well, if we really want to get into the nitty gritty fascinating part, I'm supposed to have trash. Everyone's supposed to have trash included. A place where you put your trash.

Mary Anthony
Like a big trash. Yeah, I have a trash chute. Right? We don't have one. We haven't had one for a year and a half.

Lacy Moseley
Okay, so what does she expect you to do with the trash bin? She's just like, find a trash bin in the alley. And she raised the rental, and so she's just kind of a scammer in general. And then as far as my relationship with scams, I'm for find a trash. Bin in the alley.

Mary, where are you putting your trash? Are you putting it in your car and then driving around? I'm about to expose myself and I hope lighting world of Sherman Oaks. I hope they're not listening, but lighting world of Sherman Oaks, I am using your bin. I'm using your bin in the house.

Aman Adumer
Using the bin. They gonna put a lock on they shit, Barry. They're gonna look through the trash and be like, no, no, this is lighting. No, no, this is ours. What?

This doesn't have nothing to do with our life. I don't see no gaffing, no tape. Yeah, this should be full of bowls. Yeah, right. This is a bunch of magazines and old candles.

Lacy Moseley
Whose trash is this? Whose is this? It's mine. Yeah. And then my relationship to scams, I love scams that are for, like, that might screw over.

Mary Anthony
Like, corporations. Like, I'm for that kind of thing. Vibe. Yeah, that's. I'm into that.

Trying to think of a good example, but don't punch down yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So I'm trying to think of a good example of that. But that's. That's what I'm into. I agree.

Aman Adumer
I'm also in that same mode. I'm like, screw over the corporations. That's totally fine because they've inflated prices on everything to the point where people can't survive. So. And now inflation is just some shit that they making up.

Lacy Moseley
It's just corporate greed. I found out that the egg market, all the people who make fucking chicken eggs, that they don't even make. Chickens make eggs. And they robbing the chickens for their eggs, and they all got together and said, let's start price fixing. Yeah.

Let's all have the same price. Like, what? And now I can't get my omelet for the regular price? That's crazy. That should be illegal.

Aman Adumer
That should be. Wow. You just made me realize a chicken coop is just like a seedy motel where they try to get chickens to go fornicate and so they can make the eggs, right? So it's like you're creating an environment. You're like, I just want to take those eggs.

Lacy Moseley
They got chicken aphrodisiacs. How do we get them to fuck? Yeah. Yeah. Let's play some click clack sounds and these chickens get.

Mary Anthony
Set the mood. Get it right. We need a dozen. We need a dozen today. Put them on top of each other.

Lacy Moseley
Is that like the r and b music for chickens? It's like, buckwha. Bah.

Aman Adumer
100%.

Lacy Moseley
Oh, no. And then they be busting it down and giving up the egg. Straight up busting it down every time. Incredible. Edible egg.

It's not so incredible no more. No, no. They also have all the different labels now that I was reading in the New York Times. There's pasture raised, there's cage free, there's all these things. I don't even believe that.

Mary Anthony
I don't. How do I know that egg didn't come from a cage? Exactly. I didn't see that. You're just telling me you can make it $8.

Aman Adumer
If I'm paying that much for this extra organic special raise, it better come with a dvd. The eggs of the chickens running around doing. You better be running around chasing that chicken around for that egg out her coochie. Like, don't be too handy. Right there.

Mary Anthony
Right there and then warm. Right out there running. Okay. Talk about cage free. You telling me chickens aren't in some kind of coop?

Lacy Moseley
Yeah, they're like. But it's a big coop, so it's not a cage. Yes. Defined cage. Yeah, defined cage.

Aman Adumer
Studio apartment. You're like, no, that's the cage. Wait a minute. No, they can't get out. They got no freedom, nothing.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah, they got a one bedroom with a balcony. These eggs. So they gonna taste good. And then also, like, what are they really trying to tell us? Like, these animals were happy before we murdered them.

Mary Anthony
Yeah, exactly. Before we took their kids. Like, oh, they're very, very happy. Trust me. And we're having a good time.

Lacy Moseley
Before we stole their kids. They don't even know. They don't even realize that's how much. They was like, fuck them. Kids.

Honestly, they toss the eggs like Issa Rae, like basketball, like, over to us. For you, for your Amelia. It's a scam. It's a scam. So, Amon, what's your relationship with scams?

Aman Adumer
I love learning about scams. I'm so susceptible to falling for scams, too, just cause. And this is a big deal. It has to be. Amana and Mary know each other very well.

That's right. But Mary more so than me. I'm gonna say that right away. Mary's got a million. Mary, if there's anyone that's like, put in your email here, your phone number, your address, if you want 15% off in a couple years.

Mary's. Mary's definitely. Actually, that sounds amazing. A hundred percent. And I only have to spend $1,000 at this coffee shop.

And then I get what? And then I get $1 off on my 50th birthday. I get half off. And I will give all my contact info. Yeah, I'm really.

Mary Anthony
I'm not. I'm really. I'm very short sighted when it comes to that. Yeah, I am, too. Look, I did Voyage la.

Lacy Moseley
I gave every email. Oh, yes, yes. Voyage la. A big. That we've talked about on this show.

But I still see people posting it sometimes, and I don't say anything. Cause I'm like, you know what? You trying to get your career going. You gotta do your big one. You gotta do your scam, too.

Yes, but they make you write your own article, and they also ask you for ten emails of your friends. And I did it. I gave up emails and wrote my own article and was like, oh, my God. A magazine did a profile on me, y'all. I'm a star up.

Aman Adumer
I forgot about. That's how everybody was getting those profiles. I was waiting. Nobody submitted. Nobody submitted me.

You didn't put my email down? I don't think I had it at the time. Iman is very squirrely. Yes. Like, even booking him for this show, I was literally on the phone with Mary and was like, hey, can you have him on and see if he wanted to?

Lacy Moseley
Come on. That's true. Yeah. I was like, we can't find this man. Off the grid.

Aman Adumer
Off the grid. I try to be. I do. I feel like you got a flip phone. Like, that would be a dream.

I had a flip phone ever. Oh, but people are going back to flip phones because of how addictive they were. Well, for crime and for crime. That's why I didn't realize it was for crime. Yeah, but you still, you know, Amon is such a chameleon.

Lacy Moseley
I asked you what your relationship with scams was. You said, and then I threw marriage stuff about Mary. You didn't say anything about yourself. Don't think I didn't catch that. No, you caught me.

Aman Adumer
You caught me. I love. I love scams. I think scams are very much valued with my people. Like, it's like, are you throwing ethiopias under the bus?

Not, you know, not all of them, but anyone who gets away with something, like, they become legends. And so people will tell stories about, like, oh, you hear about Uncle Tessfy? Uncle Tessify, Uncle Tes. I don't even know Uncle Tessify, but it's everybody's uncle Tessify. He worked at the parking lot, and this was pre technology and pre paying credit cards to park.

He worked in the parking lot, and he would just. He was supposed to take the cash, of course, cash business. Put it in the special little lockbox for the owner to come pick up. But this man would skim. Not just this man would skim the middle.

He wouldn't even take off the top. He's not at the top. He took the body of it. He just left the top? Oh, hell, yeah.

Lacy Moseley
He did it for years until the foam money. He left a little bit of foam. That's all. He did it for years. This man had hundreds of thousands in quarters just in his house.

Aman Adumer
In his house. And this is an uncle that's. I don't know, really. I don't know if he's my uncle at all. But he got caught, took off.

Now he's living like a bazillionaire. Okay. Amazing. I love that. And I feel as though Uncle Tesfay.

Lacy Moseley
I feel as though he probably also, like, rolled his quarters. So he went to the bank and got all the money instead of going to corn Star and letting them rob you. That's the whole point of coin, Star. You don't want to count your change? We'll do it for a price.

Like, I bet you your uncle was over there rolling them bitches up with the brown paper. Like, truly, I want to know where he hid them. Like, the thought of a man hiding quarters in a couch or a mattress is so. They're so heavy. They're so heavy.

Mary Anthony
They're so heavy. They're so heavy. I mean, he wasn't. He didn't have anyone come into his house, so his place was just. He had a guest room full of quarters.

Aman Adumer
Right? He was Donald Duck. He was jumping in them bitches. 100%. 100%.

Lacy Moseley
And quarters are very hard. Like, courts in general are very hard. And I remember Donald Duck jumping into bitches all the time, making it look like it was a swimming pool. Scooch. Scooch.

McDuge. Scrooge McDugg. I was calling him Donald Duck. Donald Duck was the middle class one. Scrooge was.

Yeah, Scrooge. Cause Scrooge was holding on to his coin. Okay. Yep. That's why Donald was so mad.

He was out here paying taxes. Scrooge was like, I'm swimming in my money. I don't know the fuck y'all doing? I got all my quarters. Yep.

Aman Adumer
Donald's voice is just due to him being mad. That's why he sounds like that. He's just upset. Yeah, he sounds like us. I mean, suck at that.

Suck at that, right? He's like, I thought I'd be in the middle class. Oh, I love it. Yes. Scout.

Lacy Moseley
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Okay, well, let's get into our first segment here. What is hot and fraud? This is where we warn our listeners about popping scams in the zeitgeist. Or more often than not, we get a letter from you all. So, as always, snitch on your friends, family, and your enemies@scamgottispawmail.com.

just make sure your scam is retired, because we don't want to. What? Yes. Fuck up your bag. Amen.

So I just need a fake name from YouTube. We don't care about gender on the show. So it could be anything. Duncan, duncan, duncan, duncan. Okay, so, duncan, you know this show, but you put it up top, so I'm actually gonna read it.

I'm trying to be more nice to myself. It says, I'll keep the compliments brief. You're amazing. Thanks for making my commute more enjoyable. Also, lately I've been listening to you while I comfort my two year old son to sleep.

It makes lying on the floor next to his bed more tolerable. I just have to watch that I don't laugh out loud. That's so sweet. Oh, what a good mama. Duncan or father or they.

Themsa. Yes. That's so sweet. Parenting royalty, scam artist. Your kid is already scamming you because why can't they go to sleep?

Unless you next to them on the floor, they're like, no, I need company. Your kid is learning. He's learning. Your kid. Done.

See something about monsters under the bed on tv and was like, check for the monsters, mommy. And then lay there till I fall asleep. That, honestly, is the first scam of all. Right. When we try to get our parents to do what we want, you know?

Yes, it truly is. It never worked out for me. My parents were always. Never worked out for me either. Very independent and were like, my mom used to always say, like, you were born into my life, not vice versa.

So I was like, well, damn. And, like, I love my mama to death. But honestly, it was the only reason why I thought, like, maybe in my life I might have children. Cause I was like, okay, I turned out great. And my mother had her own life and still has her own life.

Mary Anthony
Yes. She just sent me her new, like, mugs for her company, Brightway Hr. And I was like, okay, she got a new business. Like, yeah, she's a baddie. And she's got a.

Lacy Moseley
She's writing a book. Like, oh, my gosh. She's a hustler. She is. She's my icon.

She's my literal queen, and she knows it. That's the problem. She knows it too much. Oh, now she's scared. She's taking advantage of you.

Oh, she scammed me my whole life. She gave me her personality. I'm a fucking cancer. I love to cry and be weak. And she was like, no, that's not who we are.

And I was like, we? Who is we? I'm me. You, you. She was like, no, we.

We. And I was like, okay. Yeah, we. We. Okay, let's we together.

So Duncan says, anyways, here's the scam I almost fell for and it's horrible. Recently, my uncle suddenly passed away. I wanted to attend his funeral, but it was three flights and about 15, $100 away. So my mom suggested that I stay home and view the funeral online and FaceTime my family later. So I do want to say, like, okay, y'all, this show is about levity and fun, but I know that this is a bummer, but I pulled it up for a reason.

During COVID I had some family members die, some in a shooting and some. Well, actually, they were all shootings, but one was a close friend from high school, and I was shooting a black lady sketch show, and I couldn't make it home. So in the middle of filming, I didn't tell anyone. We were just on a break while they were moving cameras and stuff. And I watched his funeral online, and during COVID they weren't really letting a lot of people in for funerals and stuff like that.

So online funerals became a thing. It's like you're zooming into the funeral, which is kind of wild, but funerals are for the living. Cause, like, when you dead, like, you not there for real. That's why I wanna have my funeral when I'm alive. I wanna be in the casket, listening, like, what y'all saying about me, it better be good.

And then I'll die later, you know, and I'll just, like, you know, be. That'll be a secret. But, like, I kinda wanna be there. Like, they were like, why? The casket kinda popped open a little bit.

Aman Adumer
Yeah, why is the casket tsking? What the hell? Why are they upset? I'm like, ooh, that's a funny story Mary told about me. Yeah.

Lacy Moseley
Like, no, me, like, honestly. And that's what sucks about, like, how everything has changed with capitalism is, like, people used to retire and have retirement parties, and that was, like, low key, you being alive at your funeral. Cause then everybody be like, oh, my God. Greg was the best in accounting. He was so funny.

He remembered everybody's birthday and he would bring extra toilet paper, you know, like, it would be like, you would be there for it. And now since, nope, we work till we die, you don't even get to be at your own damn funeral. And you gotta pay for it. And you gotta clear your desk. And you gotta clear your desk after your desk.

Mary Anthony
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody gotta come get this. And it's expensive as hell. My dad was like, look, when I die, y'all throw me on the side of the road. Don't spend all that money.

Lacy Moseley
I'm gonna throw you on the side of the road. He was like, no, for real, though. Like, just throw me on the side of the road. It's totally cool with me. Such a dad thing.

Mary Anthony
He's like, it's whatever. It's fine. Just as easy as possible. Just. He's like, y'all gonna spend $8,000 on a pine box?

Lacy Moseley
Please be serious. Please. I love that. Potentially, like, spreading his ass ashes on a freeway. Like, it's just like, hey, he spent the most time over here, so we're.

Mary Anthony
Gonna commuting to and from work. He hated it. I absolutely hated it. He would be so pissed. Me and my cousin used to joke about that because one of my uncles, he is like, I wanna be cremated and, like, spread at the beach, in the ocean or whatever.

Lacy Moseley
And I was like, okay, what if it blow back on us? And then we like, oh, boy. I got some of my dad in my eye, my uncle in my eye. Like, what's going on? Ooh, that'd be nasty, right?

I also think funeral ashes are a scam. Like, how do I know this is just my ashes? I've had that thought before. Cause I talked to people who cremate dogs, and they said it's a lot of stuff up in there. That's all sorts of stuff.

It's not just, yo, fido, it's everybody else up in there. What? For real? Like, it's like someone's parrot. It's like a little bit of, like, whatever.

Aman Adumer
A burnt pizza. Like, it's just whoever was using the other half. People don't expect this, but the urns rattle. If they're a good, like, cremating place, it'll rattle. Cause they put the teeth in, too.

Lacy Moseley
For the animal. Yeah. Oh, my God. I background. So I gotta listen for the rattle.

Mary Anthony
That's our tip, folks. You just gotta start listening. Don't listen to the rat. Be like, can I be in there? I'm gonna listen for the rat.

Lacy Moseley
All right, grandma, let me shake this. Yeah, she didn't have. Yeah, she didn't have this many teeth. This is somebody else. I'm not a fool.

Mary Anthony
Okay? She had her molars pool. What's going on? This sound like 32 teeth. That's not my grandma.

Dead people have to pay taxes. Cause every time I do my taxes. Don't you? Yeah. Cause it'll ask.

Like, it'll be like, is this person. I do turbotax. They'll be like, did this person die in the past year? And I'm always like, you have got to be kidding me. I'm so annoyed.

Doing my own taxes. I cannot imagine then having to sit down and do taxes for someone who's passed away. Yes. Or trying to make them do it. Oh, no, no.

Lacy Moseley
The government still shares, and sometimes the government will be like, oh, they had debt. So that's passed along to you. That's your inheritance. Yeah. That's some evil.

Aman Adumer
That's a scam. I know. Cause I'm like, once I'm dead, like, these bills ain't getting paid. Peace out. Yeah, I'm with sky daddy now.

Lacy Moseley
I don't owe him nothing. What are you doing? Truly? So Duncan says, obviously, three flights away, funeral too expensive. $1,500.

So I'm gonna zoom in and watch it. And I've done that. It is kind of horrible. Especially cause I was doing it at work. But also, it was kind of nice because I had the best view.

Aman Adumer
Oh, really? The camera placement? Cause the camera placement is just right on the coffin in the preacher. And you don't gotta deal with nobody falling out, because Tyler Perry can never write a funeral that I've been to. Like, I done had everything happen from people trying to jump in the gravesite to being at the gravesite and then being like, I need to see her one more time and open the casket.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah. Which meant turning the casket around. And we were all just sitting there holding our breath, hoping the body didn't fall out. Like, I've had everybody be in they car drinking wild turkey, drunk as fuck. Like, it's people passing out.

I gotta walk people down to the viewing. I done been to funerals with little children. Cause, like, in small towns, like, I'm from Terrell, Texas. So sometimes the funerals are, like, in Beaumont or, like, somewhere, like, real small town Texas. Funeral homes are family businesses there.

And, like, my grandfather's funeral, it was a family business. So when it was time to do the viewing of my grandfather, which was. He was a very large figure in my life, obviously, I'm very emotional, but I was, like, completely taken out for a second because the person who opened the casket for the viewing, where you walk through and walk, was literally an eight year old in a snow. What? Yes.

Eight year old in a suit. And he looked like he been doing this his whole life. Yeah, he was not fazed at all. And you're like, could you be a little affected by what's happening? I'm walking my mama up.

She barely standing. I'm holding her up. And he's standing up there in his suit, this little baby. Like, I'm so sorry for your life. And I was like, you are eight.

You are eight. Why are you. Why is this your job? How are you doing this? You did a good job, but you shouldn't be doing it.

You're doing great. You're doing amazing. Clearly, this is your calling. But also, don't you have a middle school to be at? Yes.

Mary Anthony
I cannot imagine seeing a little, like. A child doing that. Yeah, he goes to slumber parties, and the other kids are like, I got a soccer tournament today. He's like, I got five funerals. He's like, ooh, the girl.

Good luck with those goals. I'm opening caskets all weekend. He said, the girls are dying today. Okay. He's looking at the weather going, uh oh, we got a hurricane coming in.

Aman Adumer
It's about to be busy. He saw Covid and was like, I can't be on the kickball team no more. Okay. Yeah, we gonna have way too many fumes. I gotta get to work.

Lacy Moseley
This is insane. That's crazy. But I am like, duncan, don't think I'm playing in your face. I'm bringing a little levity to this because it is a darker topic. So Duncan says to wrap this up.

The obituary was circulated on Facebook, so I went there, assuming the link would be provided at the end of the obituary. Of course, it was not. By this time, the funeral is already ten minutes in, and I'm getting frustrated and desperate. Now, Duncan, I can see a photo of you, so I know you're raised. So I know this funeral started on time.

Duncan, if you were black, this funeral, like, it would have been late. I've been to funerals where the body was late. The body was late. Oh, come on. Yup.

And I was like, that's my type of time. That's my energy. Y'all better not bring me all the time to my funeral. Everybody better be sitting in there. Like, where is she?

Aman Adumer
By the end, they're just like, finally, all right, put her in the ground. I'm done. Like, oh, what she been at? Like, I better be stuck in traffic. Don't play with me.

Lacy Moseley
Okay? I don't want to be early to the funeral. I want people showing up, and I'm just already laying there, like, what? Early? Do your.

I want a grand entrance. Yeah, that's fair. Thank you. But, Duncan, I know your race, so I know this fumes started on time. And so you frustrated?

Cause it's ten minutes in. You trying to see your uncle, see him off. You're not there with your family. I'm so, so sorry. Like, I know how that feels.

I've literally had to do it at work and hide that I was watching a funeral in the middle of doing a comedy show. So, like, I've been there. Duncan, I feel you. Like, I know we're cracking jokes, but, like, for real? For real.

I appreciate you writing in about this. So Duncan says, ten minutes. I'm getting frustrated. I text my cousin, who also was unable to attend. She doesn't have the link either.

I call my husband, and he's like, oh, you didn't get the friend invite on Facebook for the funeral? Not the friend invite on Facebook for the funeral. What? What? Zuckerberg has too much of a hold on our life.

Aman Adumer
Truly, truly. Mister Zuckerberger, get out of our business. Yeah. What do you mean? I need a funeral invite from Facebook.

Mary Anthony
From Facebook? Yeah. Like, and subscribe to the funeral follow for updates. Yeah. This should be a one time event.

Aman Adumer
Why am I getting updates on it? That's why. Yeah. I don't want to log in a year later like, I do on Facebook once a year and then be like, oh, right, the group. I'm honest.

Mary Anthony
A funeral. I forgot about this page I liked. Or was a, like, you want to repost your memories? Yeah. Mary, you're on moon goon at dynasty typewriter.

Lacy Moseley
This is fume goon. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. What time y'all showing up to the repay? Yeah. Yeah. This photo was taken one year ago today.

Mary Anthony
Oh, do you want to post about this? Yes. We're all in black.

Lacy Moseley
It's giving morning. In the morning. Yes. So their husband is like, you didn't get the link on Facebook? And Duncan is like, uh, no, no, I did not.

So the husband comes home and shows me a friend request he received on Facebook for my uncle's funeral. Weird, but okay, let's see what it's about. The page has a watch the service here, post with a link. Awesome. I'll go in there, view the service.

Now, it's 20 minutes in, and this is. I'm just gonna say, this is a caucasian funeral, so, you know, they're gonna get up there. The remarks are gonna be two minutes or less. A quiet crying. A soft sob with a, you know, handkerchief.

Mary Anthony
Sterile bad. I'll say, you know, I've been. I've been to quite a few. Right? Sterile, boring, sad.

Very quiet. Very quiet. Right. The pastor is getting very much like, I don't know her. Like death and life.

Exactly. The world and God. Yeah. If you're catholic, you only kind of get, like, one little special part because they're like, we're still gonna be doing it, man. And the mass is gonna be the same.

And then you guys get one part. One part. You get to talk your little. Talk about Jesus. Yeah, it's like, couldn't we get the whole hour to talk about Nana?

The whole hour? She was 92. I'd like to talk a whole hour. She was goddaddy. Now, you guys have been talking about everything else.

Yeah, we're gonna do all the boring stuff today. Sit down, get up, sit down. Shake hands with your neighbor. Yes, yes, exactly. Like, in black funerals, it'd be like, somebody ex come out, somebody side family come out.

Lacy Moseley
Somebody might fight. There's been some funerals where people pulled out a knife. Like, it's. You know. And it's like, oh, we gotta go get the knife.

Like, funerals where. It's like, oh, my God, somebody brought a gun. Where did they put the gun is in the cemetery. Now we gotta find the gun before the cops do. I'm not lying.

Aman Adumer
That's amazing. Honestly. Honestly, I might write a movie one day about black people funerals. Cause they are very funny. Like, everybody just acts a fucking fool, and it's honestly cathartic.

Lacy Moseley
I think that white people take note. Like, go to the next funeral and act the goddamn fool so that when you get home, you don't have to quietly sob. Drink alone and sob by yourself. And scroll the Facebook page. No, get in the funeral and fight, everybody.

Aman Adumer
And, like, make some funeral memories. That's what you're trying to do. Yeah. We're not just trying to remember a dead funeral. Like, get in this.

Lacy Moseley
We take photos of ours. Everything, right? The last funeral, my mom called me, and my mom always calls me and is, like, telling me shit that I'm like, okay, you should have told me this earlier. I would have come home, but she literally called me two days ago. It was like, oh, well, two of my uncles died.

But they were my great uncles, but I was really, really close to the older side of my family. No, it's okay. But they live full lives. And the funerals, she was like, oh, my God, William Warrens. Like, he was cracking us up at the funeral.

Like, he was talking about Calvin. Like, goddamn dog. He was like, calvin over here, living on borrowed time. And I just want y'all to know, like, I know I'm old, but I'm borrowing y'all time, so I'm still gonna be here. I ain't dying no time soon.

Like, it was like. It was like a whole comedy special. Oh, that's great. So some of them are very, very fun and funny. Others are like knockdown dragouts.

So back to Duncan. We circling back? Yes, we're circling back. Like the pastor Duncan said, I done hit my cousin up, and there's a link on Facebook. And so, okay, it's 20 minutes in.

So now the desperation is up even more because the funeral is about to be over. Yes. Like, this is an on time caucasian funeral. So 20 minutes in, it's like they about to start. Pall bearer.

Exactly. They still got the cars running. They got the pink. We're gonna be in and out. And then we're gonna go to a soccer game for Sally.

Mary Anthony
There's a reservation at one at Olive club that we all gotta get to. Exactly. We reserved a big family. Yeah, your family did. Yeah.

Lacy Moseley
So they was like, they was about to pick Unc up. Okay. They're about to get that free meal. Paw bears was like, lift with your knees, lift with your legs. Like, we bringing Unc out of here.

So she's trying to get on there. Yes. Fair. So Duncan says, I clicked the link and they want you to create an account. Oh, I hate, hate when anything does that.

An account to see a funeral. Annoying. But I do it and I use a random password. Then they ask for credit card info and they say in quotes. But don't worry, we won't charge you.

Mary Anthony
Are you kidding me? Are you not gonna charge me a credit card number? To see a funeral. To see a funeral of your loved one? That is insane.

That's so crazy. Just to hold it for a little. We're just gonna hold it. We're just gonna hold it on. No.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah, just for incidentals. Yeah, you know, funeral watching incidentals. We won't charge you now, but if you wanna stay for 60 days, we're gonna charge you for the other funerals you wanna see. I think more people are gonna die. In 60 days also.

Aman Adumer
We got plenty of funerals. You can watch it's service. Go ahead, watch as many. We're part of Peacock. For an extension of peacock.

For an extension of peacock. The actors were on strike and fucking streaming is like, I don't know. Let's stream funerals. Stream the funerals. Let's stream some funerals.

Lacy Moseley
Listen, if they stream mine, that would have been good entertainment. They would have had a good time. They're like, you know what? We'll never hire actors again. We just streamed funerals now.

Aman Adumer
It was so popular, they picked up a second season. Yes. Let's try to rebury the same person. Cause this was amazing. We know they dead, but, like, Kim, can we do it again?

Yeah, we could do it again. They made a holograph of Tupac. You can certainly rebury this person. Okay. They'll work past when you dead.

Lacy Moseley
So Duncan says, what the fuck? Absolutely not. That's when I knew it was a scam so disgusting that people are preying on grieving families. I was so mad. I did get to watch the end of his service by going directly to the church's website.

But I'm wondering how many people fell for this scam. Absolutely horrible. Please share it so your listeners are aware. Thank you so much, Duncan, for this. I know we clowned around, but honestly, I'm very, very sorry that you didn't get to see the full service.

One thing that did give my heart piece when I couldn't be at funerals physically when I was working was being able to watch them, you know, and see people give their remarks and, like, see the last time I'm ever gonna see this person's physical body. And it is cathartic. Funerals are for the living. And the fact that scams have gotten so insidious that now they're like, oh, y'all grieving? Y'all marked grieving.

Oh, great. We gonna send you a link. Put your card in. Don't worry, we won't charge you. Yeah.

Aman Adumer
Sick. That's so crazy. Like that. And I say this a lot on this show, and as I've been doing something that I can't talk about yet, but it's made scams very personal to me in a way that they never were before. Like, they always have been.

Lacy Moseley
Like, I love making fun of scammers, obviously not making fun of the people that they victimize. I don't want to call them victims anymore. Working on the show, like, I've started to call these people, like, you were just exploited in one time in your life. It's not who you are. It's not.

It doesn't define your intelligence. It doesn't define anything about you. Right. Exploited because you had a need. And as human beings, we all have needs.

Mary Anthony
Yes. Yeah. You know, we need to breathe. We need food. We need shelter.

Lacy Moseley
We need companionship. We need love. We need physical touch. We need so many things. And there's always someone out there who's looking to exploit a need.

And so if your need is to say goodbye to a loved one. Yeah. And you can't even physically be there. Yeah. Okay, now I'm getting emotional.

You can't physically be there because it's expensive and it's. And it's three flights and you gotta work. And capitalism squeezing us all dry to the point where we can't even go, you know, like, I've missed three funerals and honestly wanted to go because I just wanted to see my family. Yeah. And it's when all your family gets in one place.

Mary Anthony
Yes. And so, like, funerals low key are like the other family reunion. Yes. Weddings and funerals. My family had, like, so many funerals.

And then finally we had a wedding. We were like, gosh, it's nice to have. Right. It's nice to celebrate the living. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Lacy Moseley
So I know that it's awful to do something like that. So y'all just beware on Facebook. I'm gonna tell my parents about that because I'm like, that is designed. Ugh. You're right.

Mary Anthony
That's so exploitative. It's just terrible. Oh, thank you. Rich just brought me some tissues. Oh, so sweet.

Rich is amazing. You know, I don't wanna fuck up my makeup. Thank you, Rich. Wait, what do you mean you need my credit card? Hold on.

Wait a minute. Wait. I did give Rich my crazy on. Just do it, Amon. He said it was for Kleenex, incidentally.

Aman Adumer
Oh, right, right, right. Kleenex sponsor the show. But, Duncan, thank you so much for sharing that. Y'all beware of links like that on Facebook. Too much information is shared on Facebook.

Lacy Moseley
Like, I've said this, I will say it again if you did not hear me take your friends and family and spouses off of your fucking Facebook. No one needs to know that. Betty is your cousin on Facebook. The only people who exploit that shit are scammers. And if you got your grandma on there, if you got other people on there, then scammers are like, oh, your granddaughter is in jail.

And now with AI, if you post videos on Facebook, they can copy your voice and then use your voice to call your relatives. Like, it is insidious. Take as much information as you can. Offline. Like, it's just making it so easy for scammers.

Mary Anthony
Yeah, that makes sense. That makes so much sense. That makes so much sense. Robbery. One morning, you just walk in with a bag of everyone's faves from McDonald's, drop it on the counter and say, breakfast is on me.

Lacy Moseley
Boom. That's the power of saving money on the McDonald's app. Hope you can handle all that save money. With the app and participating, McDonald's must opt in to rest rewards and fraud. Let's get into our historic hoodwink.

See, I've already lost the vocal training that I've been doing. It's gone. I'm so. Again, so good. I'm gonna get back into it.

I'm gonna get back into it. So historical wings, my favorite segment where we talk about a famous con paper group of criminals we don't know yet. Maybe we love them. Maybe we hate them. Let's see.

So private investigators. Christopher Butler first became a media sensation for hiring a private investigation team of soccer moms. But soon after, he hit the media again for not just his hoaxes, but his own criminal activities. Mister Butler. Mister Butler.

Mary Anthony
Detective Butler. Right. He said, but I'ma scam her and this is him. Okay, I'm sorry. Nothing about this man says detective to me.

No, no, not at all. That man stands out wherever he is. There's nothing private about the way this man. No, like, he got his forehead. He got like a five head.

Lacy Moseley
Like, I know he can see the future. Yeah. Like his forehead took up so much room, they didn't have no room for his eyes. Yeah, he's given. He's given those tv pastors.

Aman Adumer
You know what I mean? Oh, yes. The dudes who are out there trying to. Oh, just give us some of your money. Prosperity gospel.

Yeah, prosperity gospel. That's what he did. Why give us a little mis man at Walmart. Yeah. Truly, truly.

Lacy Moseley
You gotta invest in. He will give you dividends. Yes, yes. I gotta fly private. Cause the word needs to get around.

How y'all expect me to be in touch with God if I'm not in the sky private. Exactly. With him. God has blessed me with all of your money. Yeah.

And if you wanna be blessed, continue to give me all of your money. Yes. So Chris Butler bought the private investigation firm Private Investigations, Inc. That's to the point. That's right.

Mary Anthony
Can't believe that wasn't taken. I know that would have been taken, right? Business.com. that's what we do over here. He bought it in 2000.

Lacy Moseley
It wasn't taken in 2000. This must have been before Danica Patrick started doing godaddy. Cause I feel like everybody got a website after Danica was driving around in her car and was like, y'all get a website? I remember those conversions. Does this make sense?

I drive really fast. Do y'all buy a website for me? Y'all get it? Ambassador. Shit.

Aman Adumer
That's so real. In college, there was someone who lived on my floor. Her parents were rich because her dad, in the early, late nineties, early two thousands, bought a bunch of website titles that were just obvious ones. Money.com, comma, bank.com. and then would just sell them to chase and all these other huge corporations.

Lacy Moseley
That is smart as hell. Super smart. And he deserves to be rich from that. Cause I'm like, that's smart. I really.

Even on Instagram, people do that. They'll get people's celebrity full names and buy them and have them and be like, oh, you can buy it back from me. Oh, that's smart. That's smart. I'm gonna start doing that.

Aman Adumer
Look up Tyla. Does she have one? No, I think Tyla's not on Instagram. We gotta start finding people on the rise. Let's get on sound.

Lacy Moseley
Oh, yeah. Yes. Yeah. Let's go check out the names right away. I got littleshootem up.com, little shoot em up.

If you want it, you have to. Buy it from nowhere to come. Truly nowhere to go. So over the following ten years, Chris investigated everything from insurance scams to cheating husbands as the number one agency in the Bay area. Okay.

Mary Anthony
Wow. Bay area. That's what he would say just to fit in. I hope so. Truly.

Lacy Moseley
So. Butler and associates, that's the legal name he has for it, really grew when he started hiring hot soccer moms as private investigators. Oh, my gosh. So. And this is a real scam and not a lifetime show we're talking about.

Mary Anthony
Or a Bravo. It's funny you say that, because it's gonna be funny that you say that. So I'm gonna keep going, though. So Chris realized moms were paid, organized, had good hunches, could blend in. Like, he got the baddest bitches, and he was like, these are soccer moms.

Lacy Moseley
We slicing apples every day. We got oranges and shit. We got minivans, and we're bored as hell. And we're bored as hell. A lot of free time.

We got a thermos full of chardonnay. Yes. And all we want to do is be nosey. Yes. Yep.

Aman Adumer
That's so real. He picked the right ones. I'm into it, honestly. Yeah. So the job was dangerous, but Chris said he trained all these PI moms extensively in self defense and in investigative techniques and in firearms.

Mary Anthony
What? I gotta see this boot camp. Why was I not a fly on the wall? You know, the boot camp is taking place in the parking lot of the building he's renting. So it's like, absolutely.

Aman Adumer
I'm gonna put some wood up. Just start taking shots out of it. They're rolling around on the floor. This is how you take the safety off. Yeah.

Yeah. This is how you take the safety off, Vicky. Well, Vicky, you know why it's not shooting, right? Yeah. He's just, like, constantly testing him.

Mary Anthony
Vicki is already drunk. It's 10:01 a.m. exactly. He was like, Vicki, imagine that referee who called that flag on Bobby last week. Yes.

Lacy Moseley
And shoot him. Shoot at him. That's. So, in 2010, Peter Crooks, a local pop culture editor for the magazine Diablo, was tipped off about Butler and associates growing a cadre of mom PI. So this is Pete Petty.

Mary Anthony
Yes. Crooks. And don't he look petty? Yeah, he got hella magazines up. He got multiple computer screens.

Aman Adumer
He looks super petty. He looks like he's mad. He doesn't have a full office yet. He's mad. He does not.

Mary Anthony
He's like, try his best. He a weWork. He ran desk space. Yeah. I deserve better than this.

He comes out at lunch, he's like, okay, who ate my sandwich? Truly? I wrote my name. My name was on it. And somebody ate my sandwich.

Lacy Moseley
My Gogurt last week. Yeah, he got his AC dc t shirt on with a little jean jacket. He said, I'm kind of cool. Yeah, I'm a cool day. Yeah, he knew his picture.

He is kind of giving, like, you know, I had to give it to him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, Pete. Okay, so this is a photo that we're looking at of Pete. Oh, my.

So, okay. And now we're seeing the hot moms. Look at these mommy p eyes. And they are wearing their baddies dresses. They are.

One of them looked like Regina King from scary movie with her camcorder.

You all candy camera bitch. Yeah. In her sexy ass dress. My God. And so this was for people magazine.

And left to right, we have Charmaine Peters. She's the one who's giving us Regina king. I got you in Candy Cameron. Then we got Julia Costana. Look at her now.

She's giving like, I was supposed to be an actresse model. Her hair, her pose. She's giving us fashion. She's a Calista flockhart type. Yes.

Yes. And then Calista Flockhart probably ruined her whole life. That's why she did her job. She was like, I was in those rooms with Calista. I was supposed to be Allie McBeal.

Aman Adumer
Yeah. Me. Every time. Every time Karissa bitch ass showed up, I lost the job. And she got Harrison.

Lacy Moseley
And then we got Michelle Allen, and she's holding a camera. Is that what that is? Joey looks like? Is that binocular? Yeah.

Oh, she's holding binoculars. She's like, I see you, bitch. You thought I was bird watching, but I was watching you, bird. Oh, yes. They are giving me Charlie's angels.

These are Chris's angels. Butler's angels. Yes. Butler's beauties. Butler's beauties.

Mary Anthony
Butler's angels. They can fire a gun, and they can defend themselves. And I know all of them can kick real high. Yeah. A whole 100%.

Lacy Moseley
Look at Charmaine Peters leg. That's a strong ass leg. Yes. Yes. That cow.

Mary Anthony
Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. She bending there like Beckham. Okay. They can do everything by.

Lacy Moseley
They can do. But in heels. In heels, yes. And backwards and blindfolded. And they still cutting up them apple slices for their kids.

Mary Anthony
Exactly. That's right. And they're still good moms. Made pickup and drop off. Exactly.

Lacy Moseley
But we also dropped your ass off to the private investigator. I know. That's right. So after hearing more, Pete planned to get ahead of the curve. Pete is the hater.

Remember, he's like, he picked up on the sexy moms doing the subterfuge. Right. So he wanted to get ahead of the curve. He wanted to break the story right before it hit national television. So he spent some time following the day to day of the PI.

So now the PI's got a PI following them. Oh, my God. It's five versus five. That's amazing. So he's following a bunch of single mothers.

When you say it like that, am I wrong? He's following some single mothers. They might not be single. I don't think these women are single because in order to be picking up, dropping off apple slices, Sakama, he's at Panera bread. He's an Ann Taylor loft, trying to look like he's buying something for somebody.

Mary Anthony
Following one of the ladies. He. Behind the earrings, watching them. Truly, truly, sir, you're here to get. I'm just looking for something for my wife.

Aman Adumer
You here to get waxed as well, sir? Yes. Yes, I think I am. Yeah. Yes.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah. European wax. Just sitting there like. Yes, okay. Yes.

My balls are getting my balls waxed. What do most guys get? My neck. My neck. Let me get my neck.

Let me get a little on my neck. My neck of my back. My coochie and my crab next to her. And wax my neck. Yeah, yeah.

Leave the curtain open a little bit. Yeah.

So we have a photo now of Chris and the PI moms on the Doctor Phil show. Of course. We love when Doctor Phil gets involved. This is one of the things that Oprah really did. She really set up a lot of scammers to have successful careers.

Think about it. Doctor Phil, Doctor Oz. Ayala, like Adina Menzel, right? Wasn't that one of them? Who else she got?

Adina Menzel. Adina Manzel. Is that not the singer from Broadway? I was thinking about the fortune teller. Is that not the.

Aman Adumer
Who's the fortune teller? Miss Cleop? No. Nah. Ayanla Ayala.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah. No. She fixing people's lives. Oh, okay. Okay.

Yo, and y'all know, it was funny as hell. There was an episode where she had a rapper rap the lyrics to her music to a picture of Harriet Tubman. Oh. She had her read her lyrics, and it was like, pop my butt. Pop my butt to a photo of Harriet Tubman.

There was another episode like, oh, my God, Ayala is so funny. She is such a comedian. She was like, I have to get up and go to the bushes right now because I cannot deal. And like, went to the bushes to like, I don't know, deal. And then there was one more that I love so much.

Y'all gotta watch a y'all and fix my life. That shit is comedy. There was a baby daddy. I guess he had like, 20. He had over 20 kids.

Aman Adumer
Oh, okay. So she gave him productive. Some baby dolls. Like baby dolls for the number of kids that he had. And she made him hold all of them.

Lacy Moseley
And she was like, see, you can't even hold this many children. Why would you hate have this many children? And then the camera guy, funny as fuck, he was like, oh, yeah, play a little. Play a little of the video. We gotta put this in episode notes.

Play a little of the video because I need you to see what she did. Cause the shit is so fucking funny. Like, oh, this is like Oprah. This is your fault. And I love you for it.

Okay. We were watching this Ayama clip. I'm gonna put it in the episode. Oh, my God. So let me ask you this question.

34. 34 children. At that point, did it dawn on you? This is too much. No.

So at child 15, you never said, let me use a condom. I did use condoms. How many? I probably would have 200 kids if I didn't use condoms. Exactly.

Really? Exactly. Speak on that. Let me get a vasectomy. No.

Why not? Wait for it. I don't want one. But look what you've created. I don't have a problem with what I created.

Okay, so this one, your hand is in her eye. This one over here, the face is buried. And what can you do right now holding these 14 babies? He got 34. Oh, my.

With all of them behind you that you don't even have your hand on. Oh, wait, wait. One man do right now. Keep going. Wait, wait.

Mary Anthony
Keep going. Tell me, for these children, what can you do? Excuse me. Okay, are you aware that you just thunk that baby's head on the chair and that one's hurt? No.

Baby on the. Can I ask you why you put your children down? Stop it. Oh. The cameraman points to one of the babies on the ground.

Yes. She's not well. She's not well. She's on her side. Her hair's crazy.

She's faced away from the camera. Oh, my God, that's so wild. So doctor Phil, one of another. Hilarious. Also, I remember doctor Phil yelling at somebody about their drug habit.

Lacy Moseley
He was like, get off crack. Just yelling at them to get off crack. Like he's the reason we have bad babies. Yes. Yes.

So they're on the doctor, Philip. So when Pete, the hater investigator of the investigators, first walked into Chris office, it was apparent Chris was obsessed with the Hollywood image of private investigators. According to Pete, I saw there were framed eight by ten photos of, like, Columbo and Cagney and Lacy and Magnum, PI Charlie's angels, all the seventies and eighties, privatized from television. Like, he was given a vibe. And look at Chris right now on this motorcycle.

Mary Anthony
On this motorcycle. Oh, this is. He was like, I'm a Hollywood investigator. He has glasses. So while Pete was there, a client pulled up with a case.

Lacy Moseley
She had suspicions her husband was cheating on her. While going to the gym, two of the PI moms, Charmaine Peters and Dennis Attune. So Charmaine remembers she the one with the legs and the camcorder and the camera. And Denise Etune. She was the one who had the binoculars.

Mary Anthony
Ooh. So I feel like this husband isn't ready. I feel like. Charmaine walked into planet fitness with her camcorder, got a slice of pizza, and was on the treadmill. Like, truly candy.

Lacy Moseley
Camera beach. Exactly. In the dressing heels. And Denise is outside of the planet fitness with her binoculars. Exactly.

Just in case she didn't catch herself zooming in. So they were put on the case, and Pete joined their stakeout. During the stakeout, they confirmed the husband had a mistress. But Pete noticed the p. I.

S used unusual techniques. Ooh, I'm intrigued. Ooh, I like this. So, when tailing the husband's car, they stayed only one car length behind and didn't bother concealing the fact that they were following him. Okay.

And normally, it's like two car lengths behind. Or, like, you know, you gotta, like, do your eyes. But they were like, we're baddies. We're sexy. Ain't no man worried about us following them.

They want us to follow them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They like, who is this sexy woman stalking me? I love it 100%. She got a camcorder.

I wanna put something on top of tape with her. Yeah, see, I got it like that. Right? They followed the husband and the mistress for hours, even into a Starbucks line before pulling into the parking lot of a restaurant together. Pete and company followed.

And inside, the only available seats for both groups were together at communal tables right next to each other. So now the private investigators are like, I'm right next to you. Oh, my God. Scoot over. Scoot over, bitch.

Aman Adumer
Not surprised. Hey, can we borrow. Can we borrow some more ketchup? Do you have ketchup? Our ketchup is low.

Lacy Moseley
Are you cheating on your wife? And also, can we get the salt? Yeah. Sorry. That was my foot.

Mary Anthony
Sorry. Don't take that the wrong way. I see you already cheating on your wife. Right? Yeah, you don't need to cheat no more.

Aman Adumer
Y'all can keep kissing. We're just gonna pull out this big ass whirring purse with a vhs inside of it. Don't worry. You can keep kissing. Don't worry about it.

Yeah, they got a whole. And we're packing. I know. I got binoculars on. It's really just because I love chilies and I need to see the pepper up close.

That's all it is. So, according to Pete, Denise and Charmaine ordered burgers and ribs while he alone listened to the conversation. Yes. Not a discreet food. I love that.

Mary Anthony
You know what? I'm gonna get the ribs. Denise. No, come on. I'm gonna get the ribs for lunch today.

Lacy Moseley
Charmaine, I'm a private investigation work. I'll have the sizzling fajita plan. Yeah, exactly. What's the loudest thing you have to eat? The loudest, most captivating thing you can bring to me at my table?

Aman Adumer
Yeah. Honestly, hiding in plain sight, maybe a skill. Maybe that's true. Because if you just suck it on a french fry, looking at me, I might be looking at you harder. Yeah, but.

Lacy Moseley
That woman is busy. Yeah. If she's eating those ribs and that dress and just going for it, like, yeah, that would be. You'd look away just to be like, I can't. She got a frothy blue cocktail.

Mary Anthony
Yes. Yeah. Something with some blue curacao in it, for sure. Mountain Dorita and ribs. I'm not looking at you.

Lacy Moseley
You busy? Yeah, yeah. You're in your own. Honestly, I think that was an excellent choice. So this is Pete saying.

Pete says, the fellow kept saying, boy, you look hot today. She says, yeah, I'm hot. I'm sweating. And he says, I'd like to lick that sweat off of you. And she goes, oh, yeah, I'd like that.

But, like, just without any passion whatsoever. What? Without any passion? Um huh. You a mistress and you don't want no passion?

Yeah, I thought that was the whole point of being a mistress of sis. You were trying to get some passion. I've never been a cheater. I have been a cheetah. Yeah, that's when you the one that they cheating with.

Oh, got it, got it, got it. Got it, got it. In all fairness, I did put on my Alicia keys braids. Cause I was wondering, maybe we could do the unthinkable and would it make us look crazy? And if you ask me already, but I was in college, okay?

I was a child. But when I was a cheetah, it was very brief. I was like, I can't do this. I am a child of God. Let's circle back.

But when I was a cheetah, there was a lot of passion. Sure, there was a lot of. Cause it's a little forbidden. You're like, oh, yeah. Like, I used to sign him into my dorm room, but, like, her friends, like, some of them lived at my dorm, so we would use a fake name.

Yeah, it was like everything. You had to change your patterns. You can't stolen glances. See, that's all so passionate. Yeah.

Mary Anthony
So she was saying, I want you to lick me, but with no passion at all. Yes, with no passion whatsoever. How does that go? How does that go? I don't know how you lick someone unpassionately.

Yes. And I'm in the picture. I'm getting. I don't like, you know, to be what I'm getting in my brain, maybe. You know how, like, if you take a shot and you lick the salt off the rim, maybe that's like a non passionate lick.

Yeah, yeah. Like a. Like a. Ugh. Yeah, yeah.

Lacy Moseley
Just to get the flavor off. Just. He want her to lick her like. Yeah, like the salt. Like the salt off a glass.

Aman Adumer
Please clean me up. Lick me and clean me up. Please. It's just like. Yeah.

Mary Anthony
She's like, maybe she doesn't have a shower. That's gotta be what it is. She said she was hot, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Lacy Moseley
So this restaurant clearly ate that popping. Yes. Cause they got no air conditioning. Why are you hot? Are y'all so also, why are you saying this at the communal table, I wonder?

Charmaine ordered the ribs. Any place that has ribs and burgers on the menu, it's hot. It's gonna be super hot. It's a mountain, Dorian. It's a smokehouse.

Aman Adumer
Oh, it's a smokehouse. Ooh, maybe you're probably right. It's a steakhouse. But it's the bay area, so maybe they're, like, out by the bay, you know, where you get them bowls with the chowder in it and shit. Oh.

Lacy Moseley
Oh, maybe they over there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But also, the bay area does not get hot like that. I know it doesn't get that hot. It's, like, actually annoying weather.

Like, you have to have a sweater constantly. Yeah. Because it's gonna be. I don't know how I say that. I live in LA and it's the desert.

We always gotta have jacket. Like, we be dressed like we at the beach in the morning, and then by nighttime, we. We Eskimos shivering. Yeah, so you know what? Fine.

I don't know why she hot, though. Yeah, so then she's sick. Backup investigators playing husband and wife showed up to further engage the targets, resulting in the targets trying to proposition them for a forsa. What? So now listen.

Aman Adumer
What? Okay, who's who? Yeah, who's who. So in the photo, the couple left and second from left, that's the couple who's cheating. Okay.

Lacy Moseley
And the girl in the green said, lick me unpassionately. And then on the right are the investigative couple. Also sexy, you know? Yeah. Like, that's one thing I will say about Chris, is, like, he went and found the sexiest people to do his investigation.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. Uh huh. Yeah. Normally when people approach you, and I've said this on this podcast before, when people approach you for a threesome, I've been approached many times, and it's always a sexy ass woman and a man in a fedora. And you just be like, I wouldn't have sex with you, girl.

Lacy Moseley
But he got to watch from the bathroom. He got to listen from the bathroom with the door closed. Yeah. When you say threesome, I'm thinking a twosome. And he brings water for us.

Maybe he comes in for water, and between then he needs to sit in the tub with the door. He can hear us moaning. Truly. I don't even want him watching the. I don't want to hear him breathe.

Aman Adumer
He needs to be in the other room with the baby monitor. Just paying attention to what's happening to us. And he can put to the door. Cause he can't be here. For real.

Lacy Moseley
No, no, no. But this threesome couple, the guy has a strong chin. He got his shirt unbuttoned a little bit, like he ain't got no taco meat. I like a little chesticle. I like a little taco meat.

But he look like he wax. That's probably a requirement for the job. Like, whatever. Chris was just like, take that shirt off. Let me make sure you're smooth.

Aman Adumer
Let me make sure you smooth like that. For professional reasons. For professional reasons. And do your combat training. And also fire this gun in the garage.

Mary Anthony
I don't know. Take the gun. Take the gun if you need it. When you ask about the foursome, I don't know. Just make sure you have the gun.

Lacy Moseley
Also, miss, I don't want to be licked. Like, he got a lickable chest. So maybe. Oh, yeah. You know, the lickability was there.

Mary Anthony
Yes. So the situation kept escalating, and so the client drove to a parking lot of a hotel, and then the couple moved on to confront her husband in a tearful, dramatic display. Whoa. So, as it turns out, the reason why the entire scenario sounds fake is because it was. What?

Lacy Moseley
Yeah, and so now I'm trying to understand why. You faking it. Investigation. Yeah, the scam. Yeah.

The entire day had been orchestrated by Chris and his team. The client was Sharon Ruth, an actual former client of Chris's, whose fiance was actually caught cheating. So after solving her case, Chris convinced her to work with him as an actress. Despite the theatrics, Pete believed the entire. So Pete's the hater.

He's the one who's investigating. Hater investigator. Investigating the investigators. Right. So, despite the theatrics, Pete the hater investigator.

Investigator believed the entire scenario and was prepared to write his story until he received an email on January 3, 2011. The email was anonymously from someone named Rutherford, and in it, it said, I am writing this as a courtesy to you. That case you sat on was totally scripted. Pete called Chris, who denied it and promised Pete that he would provide proof the operation was real. He never did.

And started dodging Pete's calls. Duh. He was like, oh, I got you, Pete. It was for real. For real.

And then everything got sent to voicemail and left on red. Yeah. Yeah. Meanwhile, Rutherford, who's the snitch in the dark glasses, you know, sending these anonymous emails, continued feeding Pete information. And though his normal column was Pete's popcorn pics, he turned.

Turned his feature story into an investigation. Unbeknownst to Pete at the time, Rutherford was actually one of the backup investigators that had swooped in on the stakeout. A man named Carl Marino. That was the one with the waxed chest. Ooh.

Mary Anthony
Yes. You can't trust no man who whacks his chest like that. Yeah, exactly. And this looks like a. Very much like a headshot.

Lacy Moseley
We saw a 40 year old virgin. We know how much it hurts to wax your chest. You doing evil. Yes. Yes.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. If you wax in your chest, you're squealing when the pressure comes. And his jawline. And remember when I said that when you get approached for a threesome, it's a man in the fedora? He was never a man in fedora.

Lacy Moseley
We should have known that. He too sexy. Way. Yup. Way too sexy.

Damn. That explains the unpassionate lines. Oh, that explains it all. They were going through their lines. They were bad actors.

Aman Adumer
They were just. They were bad actors. What were the words again? Oh, yeah. Lick it off me.

Lacy Moseley
I'm hot. You are so hot, I wanna lick you. You can lick me passionately. Oh, wait. Was I supposed to say passionately?

Mary Anthony
Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. No, it's all right. You're good.

Lacy Moseley
Can we go back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Take it again. The rehearsal. I didn't come to the rehearsal.

Mary Anthony
It's so hot in here. They turn off the ac for sound. We're sweating. We're sweating. It's like they don't even understand.

Aman Adumer
I didn't read the full screen. Yeah, it's so hot from the cheating we're doing. Yes. That's crazy. I'm trying to understand why Chris would even do this.

Mary Anthony
Yes. Yes. So, I mean, Pete did go into his office. So maybe Chris was trying to show Pete he was legit and was like, oh, you can see one of my stakeouts. Like my Hollywood shit.

Oh, yeah. Yes. And he convinced a woman who actually did get cheated on. Like, girl, you know what? And she was probably at her down baddest because she had her suspicions.

Lacy Moseley
And then Chris was like, yeah, girl, he over here doing everybody in the town, honey. He laying it down. Okay. Yup. It's like, this is a terrible situation for your relationship, but do you want a job opportunity?

Right. Like, you are a beautiful woman. Do you want to be an act three? You're gorgeous. Let me see you hold these binoculars.

Aman Adumer
Let me see if that looks good on you. All right, here, shoot at my car real quick. Oh, look at you. Got good aims. Nice.

Mary Anthony
Okay. You hit my car. Nice. You got a license or a permit? Yeah.

Aman Adumer
Okay, perfect. Don't even worry about that, sweetheart. Yeah, you don't got it. You don't got it. It's all right.

Lacy Moseley
You look like you got it. You got it. Okay. You got that it factor. Wow.

Aman Adumer
Wow. So Carl, our man with a good jawline, who clearly has beautiful eyes, like ocean eyes. Okay. No. Fat ocean eyes.

Lacy Moseley
Don't sue me, Billy. But he really do got them ocean eyes. And he has, like, what, call girl eyes when, like, guys have, like, long eyelashes. Like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He had a strong neck. Am I attracted to him? No, it sounds like you're attracted to him. Oh, God. Oh, no, no.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. I literally just tweeted, like, yesterday. I was like, look, if y'all see me with a white man, don't judge me, okay? I done tried with black women and black men for twelve years, and I might have to. Serena Williams didn't just get me a bill.

Lacy Moseley
A little european billionaire who worshiped me and let me be extra. Oh, a european billionaire. Like, I gotta start doing my wig bad and get that soft life. Okay? I can't be down bad no more, y'all.

Okay. JT got a song that literally we've been playing, like, while I'm shooting the thing I can't talk about yet, but it's like, the song is like, I used to be down bad, but now a bitch. Okay?

I'm pretty that I motherfucker. All these bitches just. Okay. Like. And I was turning it up so loud in the car while they were driving me places, and they were like, this is your theme song.

I'm doing okay. And I was singing it like, I used to be down bad, but now a bitch, okay.

Like, we need you to set higher goals for yourself. Like, no, you're wise. You're wise. You're doing great. You look amazing.

I'm like, no, a bitch. Okay. Yeah, yeah. I used to be unemployed. Now a bitch.

Aman Adumer
Got an application. Now a bitch. I'm indeed.

Now I got a LinkedIn and you're. Just like, all right, okay, okay, listen. Baby steps, baby steps. Making it work. Okay.

Lacy Moseley
Good for you. You gotta celebrate the smile on the. Exactly, exactly. It's about the process. Yes, yes.

Aman Adumer
I love that. So, Carl, the sexy man, who clearly was an actor, had met Chris several years earlier after answering one of his ads on Craigslist, looking for someone with law enforcement and acting experience.

Lacy Moseley
He said, are you Mariska harkitake? Yeah. Are you that man with the booty? I don't know his name, but he got that booty. He got a booty.

You know, Miss Cargitate, partner Stabler. Oh, Christopher Maloney. Yeah, Christopher Maloney. He got the cheeks. And SVU started to realize that the fans loved his cheeks so much, and then they started just putting random shots of him walking away.

It would be like. It would be like they put the criminal in jail or something, or they were leaving court, and it's just a straight shot of Christopher Maloney's ass. I would love to get residuals for my ass. You know what I mean? You're like, I didn't even have a line in that.

I'm getting not Judith pulling up Christopher Maloney ass. Okay, we might have to put this in the episode notes too, but, like, look, he got them. He got the clappers. Like, look at that. Look at the squat.

He know what he doing. Ooh, he know what he doing. He. A little thigh. Does he gotta ask, or is it the pants?

Aman Adumer
Like, is it just tight? Tight. He might be getting them tailored, but look at the curvature. Let's talk about the 360. Let's talk about.

Lacy Moseley
Let me get my protractor out and use it for the first time in my life, because the circumference of that ass is just. Nah, you're right. It's muscular. That's a perfect circle. Yeah.

Aman Adumer
Good for him. Wowzers. Good for him. Wowzers. Get him off the screen.

I'm jealous. Get him off the screen. So Chris went on Craigslist and said, are you Christopher Maloney? You got that ass and you also got that badge. Come on over.

Lacy Moseley
So Carl was a former sheriff's deputy and started doing local acting work. Perfect fit. Carl and Chris hit it off, and Carl even rose to director of operations, like, so Chris was like, let me give you. And them cheeks are raised. Ooh, yeah, he got them.

Yeah, I know. Them chest waxes ain't cheap. I can't imagine doing local acting work, like, where I was raised. Like, I can't imagine seeing, like, a cop in, like, guys and dolls at the local theater or something. I'm like, what's the local acting work we're talking about?

Mary Anthony
That's crazy. Listen, if you got a passion, you gotta do your passion. Exactly. Yeah, wherever you at. Yeah, I'm proud of him.

Aman Adumer
He's just like, I gotta get out of cop mode. I gotta get into acting mode. Right? Good for him. So after some time, Carl discovered Chris had both real cases and fabricated cases.

Lacy Moseley
See, that's why you don't hire cops. Cause he done snitched on your whole operation. You done made him director of operations. And he started looking at the operation was like, it's not operating how. Yeah, wait a minute.

And then he went back into cop mode. He couldn't turn off the side job. He was like, damn. See, this is why you don't work with cops, okay? I keep saying that.

I know. I told y'all I was watching. Re watching law and order, SVU, Merce carcate and Chris Maloney ruining everybody life on that show. And then they be like, my bad chunk. Chunk.

Like, no, leave them alone. So one time, a mother came in with suspicions that her son was selling drugs in college. Why are you in your son's business college? Yeah. He trying to pay tuition.

It's high. Yes. Do you want to pay Sallie Mae? Cause I know you co sign on one of them loans. Slang that weed.

Why are you trying to investigate? So Chris could have caught him on video selling to other students, but he wanted to take it a step further. Chris wanted to set up a scenario with a decoy mark that would result in the son getting fake arrested by Chris and his buddies to scare him straight. Oh, my God. Chris is about the theatrics, and I love that for him.

Aman Adumer
Yeah. So his plan involved hiring hot women. He know how to. He's like, bad bitches get the job done. Yeah.

Lacy Moseley
And we do. We do. Okay. Look at Judith in the booth. Being a bad bitch, getting the job done.

Okay. And Mary over here on smooth, too, being a bad bitch, getting the employment's done. Done.

So his plan involved, like, bringing in these hot women to pose as lingerie models to lure this woman's son with a pocket full of ecstasy to the parking lot of the narcotics task force office. What? What? That's so many steps. That's so many steps.

And I didn't need that many steps. That's too many steps. Too many steps. The narcotics task force office. I'm sorry.

You could be the baddest bitch in the world. I'm not showing up with drugs to narcos. 100%. You want me to walk into the prison, just go to jail. Don't worry about it.

Mary Anthony
I'm in my lingerie. Just follow me. It's just a little walk. Don't pass go. Don't collect dollar 200.

Lacy Moseley
I'm in my panties. Yeah, yeah. I got Victoria's Secret angel on that from the Runway show. Just trust me. Just come over here, bro.

Aman Adumer
You gotta come to this party. We got baddies. We got drugs. It's in a cell. Come.

Lacy Moseley
Well, they didn't have drugs. That's how we're missing you. Bring the drugs. Bring the drugs, bro. We're in prison.

Aman Adumer
Come, bro. So Chris was friends with Norman Welsh. Norm Welsh, the police officer who ran the task force and often collaborated with Chris on his illegal PI activities. So this is. He looked like he doing legal stuff.

Mary Anthony
100%. That spiky ass haircut. Like, I know you go to great clips. Yes. And you just pick a picture off the wall and be like, give me that.

Aman Adumer
Oh, my God. Unrelated, I went to a great clips once in college. Why would you do that? You're black. I know.

I made a mistake. I made a big mistake. I went there, and I was like, oh, man. I heard it's like $10. Oh, perfect.

So I show up. I got it done by a black woman, and she was like. She looked at me like, why are you here? And I was like, please help me out. She just basically looked at her like.

Lacy Moseley
Why she there 100%. If she's a black woman and she can only work at gray clips, she can't cut hair. I wasn't gonna. She was like, don't y'all need a black person at great clips? She flashed.

She flashed her beauty license real fast, like a badge, and they hired her black ass on the spot. Get in, get in. You got a corner booth. They put her on the website. You should have known that.

Aman Adumer
I should have known. I should have known. I tipped her too, and she looked at me like, oh, my God. For real? I was like, oh, yeah.

I shouldn't have done this. You better protect black women. Okay, maybe. Maybe she ate a haircutter. Maybe she shouldn't be working at great tips.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah, but she deserves your tips. I had her back. She did not deserve it based on the haircut. She deserved it for being a black queen alone. I know.

Aman Adumer
She was. She was definitely, definitely doing justice. She was the first black person at great clips working. It was incredible. She helped me.

Lacy Moseley
You know, we talk about Rosa Parks a lot, but we don't talk about the black woman at great clips. She doing it for the culture. Okay. It's up there. Yo.

She sat at the front of the bus for us. She didn't know what she was doing. She didn't know what she was doing. Not at all. But she was there, and she took space.

She did also, last tv show, plug. Clearly. I watched a lot of tv. This made me remember the upshots. Like, if y'all aren't watching the upshots on Netflix, please watch the upshots on Netflix.

It's so goddamn funny. It's the funniest multicam I've ever seen, and I've been on two multi cams. I shouldn't say that, but it's so goddamn funny. And they did, like, a sanitized black history month play. Cause, you know, all the schools right now are trying to erase black history and be like, y'all know slavery was just, like, a 300 year unpaid internship.

Like, black people are doing okay. They used to be down bad, but now the blacks is okay.

And then one of the kids, his line in the play was, I'm Malcolm x Wakanda forever.

That was it. Like, they were like, I'm Martin Luther King. I did a lot of walks.

Like. It was so fucking funny. I was like, oh, the show is so funny. Y'all go watch it. Like, Juana's like, shout out to Gabrielle Dennis, my bae.

Like, it's so funny over there. Goodness gracious. Pay me, Netflix. I'm plugging your shit. Pay me lot.

Marisa carcate. You pay me, too. You the best. Nepo, baby. Out.

That's real. And the highest paid actress on television. You give me a coin. Mariska. Send it over.

Aman Adumer
Mariska. Okay. And pay me great clips. Choom choo. You better walk into great clips with a neck brace on and let them know.

Lacy Moseley
But don't tell them it's the black lady who did it. Tell them somebody else and get your settlement, okay? For discrimination. They discriminized. So how did we get here?

So, Chris is friends with Norm Welsh, right? This police officer. That's how we got here. His grandkids, haircut. Carl's job was to hold the kid at gunpoint while the other cops ran out of the bushes.

Oh, my God. Why, Chris, this is too much. Too much. But you know what? I do appreciate his PI services.

Having a theatrical flair. He said, I'm not only gonna PI for you. Like, I'm gonna make sure it's a performance. 100%. Yeah.

This is performance investigation.

Mary Anthony
You're gonna come out on this purse. You're gonna come out here. When you hear the code word tites. It'S a beautiful day. When you hear Bruno Mars, right?

Lacy Moseley
Then you come out here kicking, okay? And wave them handcuffs. Put them. Wave them around in the air like nunchucks. He's bringing in his scene study lessons into it.

Like, yes. You listen to Tennessee Williams, right? The cop friend's like, I have no idea who that is. Have you heard of the glassman menagerie? You heard of that?

Aman Adumer
All right, I want you coming out like this. Have you read. Oh, my God. It's anthologies. What is it?

Lacy Moseley
Anthologies? Which one's Neil Simon? No, the one that has all of the monologues in it. Spoon River. Spoon river anthology.

Mary Anthony
That's what it was. Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

How could we forget our time of Spoon river?

Lacy Moseley
So he was like, look, before y'all work for me, y'all do need to memorize a monologue. Yeah, yeah. Pick something from Spoon river anthologies and. Give it to me good. Okay.

And hop out some bushes and do a tuck and roll. Okay. I also want to tuck and roll out of the bushes. Okay. Give me a performance.

So, Carl's job, remember, is to hold the kid at gunpoint. He always got people with guns or something, right? So Chris filmed it all and used it to successfully sell a reality show about Butler and associates to Mary. Where do you want to guess he sold this show to? I'm gonna guess lifetime.

Mm hmm. I told you it was gonna come back. Wow. You were right. You were right, honey.

So, once Chris began filming the show with Lifetime, he began dreaming of expanding butler and associates into a nationwide network of PI moms franchise offices, detective schools, with Carl as his right hand man. Wow. Whoa. In addition to involving real cops, Chris obtained sponsorship from Glock four. Ciao.

Chris obtained sponsorship from Glock firearms, Oakley sunglasses, and UFC as their official gym. If that ain't a police uniform. Oh, my God. Like, yeah, I have to. Glock which?

Glock nine. One of my favorite guns. With a laser pointer. Yeah, 45. Too much recoil.

Nine millimeter. With a laser pointer. Bop, bop, bop, bop. Center mass. Sorry, I'm from Texas.

Aman Adumer
But I got scared. For real. I was like, oh, shit. Lacy knows. Yeah.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah. I could have been one of these hot moms with a girl who was. Gonna say, you're about to get recruited. Sunglasses is so cop. It's so gas station sunglasses.

It's so, like, this is the January 6 starter kit. Yeah, yeah. It's like, do you need to climb the wall at the Capitol? Go to the UFC as our official gym? Get your Oakley sunglasses.

Mary Anthony
Yes. Get your gun from Glock firearms. Yep. Get your legs right. Yes.

Yes. You need painful. Hobby lobby. They don't care about women's rights. God damn.

Lacy Moseley
So, once Chris began filming the show with lifetime, he began dreaming of expanding butler and associates into a nationwide network of PI moms franchise offices. He got going. McDonald's with it, honey. Oh, yeah. Detective schools.

So now you gonna see a commercial on your tv where hopefully it's that man. Who yelled at us about going to college. And even when I was at college, I got. He's like, why you ain't a detective right now with your sexy ass? You sitting at home, being a sexy mom, waiting on your kids to get off of school when you could be investigating and eating ribs.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. And mountain dew drinks. Yes. Yes. You got a dress in the closet.

Aman Adumer
You got a tight dress in the closet. You got waxed all the way. Come on down. Come on down. Come on down.

Lacy Moseley
Sit down and be a PI. Okay? Be a PI. You got all that time while your kid's in soccer. Yeah.

Mary Anthony
Sick of holding bottles and pacifiers. How about a gun? How about a gun? Do something respectable. Yeah, pick up a gun.

A big gun. Yeah. Let's go. Okay. Come be a private insecticator with your sexy ass.

Lacy Moseley
Bring that ass over here. Okay. 26, 34, 26. Come work for Chris. Yes.

So Carl was on board until he learned Chris's true aspirations. And so, Carl, remember, is the jawline girl. Eyes way too wax chest. Former cop, also actor and hater. And anonymous Rutherford emailer.

Aman Adumer
I know why he's a black name. He chose a black name, too. Rutherford. It do sound a little racist. It sounded a little racist.

Yeah. He didn't want to get caught. He was like. He was like Malcolm Luther King. Anonymous Daquan Gellante Johnson.

He's like, I think might be too much. Might be too much. Little too much. He's like, Chris will love it. So one day, Chris asked Carl if he knew anyone that would buy some nine pounds of marijuana he had stashed.

Lacy Moseley
So, Chris, why are you asking director of operations, former cop, Sheriff bitch ass wax chest Carl, if he knows anybody who would buy nine pounds of weed off of you, why? Why would you do that? Chris had gotten it from an uncle, in quotes, bringing it back to uncles. Come on. Uncle Norm, who was recirculating drugs he stole from evidence locker at work.

So remember Norman, Norm, that's our great cliffs police officer. Yes. Oh, yeah. And I know I told y'all on this podcast before, when they be putting that money like, this is why no knock warrants are so fucked up and need to be banned in every single fucking state. Because the police are a gang, and they're literally showing up at, like.

Like. It's like robbers robbing robbers. You know what I mean? So they show up at drug dealers, stash houses. They take the drugs, they take all the cash, which is unaccounted for.

There's no taxes, there's no bank. No, like, receipt, right? Yeah, so they can put money and drugs on the table for the photo op, but who fucking knows how much money and drugs were actually there? Yeah, because, like, if y'all look up afro man, he recently, um. This is like, a year ago, he got a no knock warrant where they kicked in his fucking door, raided his house for sex trafficking.

It was not true. It was literally based in no merit. They went through his house. One of the authors, he made a song about it called Pound Cake because he had footage of the officers. You can literally look up this music video where one of the officers is staring at a pound cake in his kitchen, like, wanted a slice of his so bad.

He caught the officers stealing cash from him. Like, putting it in their pockets. Like, when they do these no knock warrants. Like, they're going in there as the gang to raid, and, yeah, they gonna put some shit on the table to take a photo, but who fucking knows how much money was in there? How many drugs were in there, and what happens in an evidence locker?

Mary Anthony
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? You get to just be the repo man. It's like you're the government, and you're like, we would like your things. Yeah.

Yes, yes, yes. So recirculated drugs. We know that's a recirculated ass haircut. We know he doing crimes. Ain't nothing about him giving honest.

Lacy Moseley
Ain't his skin too moisturized to be a cop? Like, how much they paying you? He's vacationing. It looked like he got a nighttime, like, cream. Yes.

Aman Adumer
Oh, 100%. Like, he know about drunk elephant. Retinol. Retinol. Yeah, he's using retinol.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah. Nah, all cops should have lizard skin. Yeah. He's getting money if they're being. If they're being honest.

Look at that light in his eyes. Yep, yep. He's a little too happy. He's a little too happy. Yeah.

So Carl didn't know what to do. Okay, so this is Chris, like, being like, hey, can you get these nine pounds of recirculated drugs out on the streets for me, homeboy director of operations Carl didn't know what to do but take it and ended up giving Chris $1,600 of his own money, claiming it had come from a deal he made downtown. Hmm. Hmm. I don't know how much nine pounds of marijuana goes for.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. I don't know. We live in California. I feel like it's a lot more now with the taxes. Yeah.

Lacy Moseley
So, with limited options, pressure from Chris to sell drugs and dirty cops everywhere, Carl decided his last option was to contact Pete the snitch. The magazine dude. Yes. And he contacted him, as you know, JQuan le Rutherford, Williams. Mick, black man the 7th.

Yup, yup, yup, yup. Mick blackity black.

Midnight the third. At one point, Carl was recalling Pete, trying to convince him the operation was real, while Rutherford was emailing Carl, trying to tell him it was fake. So I want to read that again. At one point, Carl the snitch. The cop, but the snitchy one, not the.

Not the criminal one. Right. Carl was calling Pete, like the investigator. News, gossip dude, trying to convince him the operation was real, while Carl, as Laquan Rutherfen Johnson, was emailing, trying to tell Pete it was fake. What?

So he really trying to make sure that this smoke don't come back to him. And obviously, there's so many dirty cops involved, he's probably a little afraid. Like, he's trying to snitch on him, but he not trying to get caught up in the snitching. Cause that's how you end up, you know, get ditched. Yep.

Aman Adumer
There's no where. Thrown in a ditch after you snitched. Yeah. It feels as though he's scared. So, eventually, Laquan Rutherford told Pete that Chris was selling large amounts of marijuana, along with other drugs.

Lacy Moseley
Prescription Xanax and steroids that have been confiscated by the contrast Costa county task force. So, they getting the drugs from the drug dealers and then putting the drugs back on the street? Yep. Shocker. Of course, lucky for Carl, Pete had a police contact, and just like that, he became an informant.

Over weeks, Carl staged fake drug deals while Department of Justice investigators observed nearby. So now we got a PI. Yeah. What? Who had contacted Pete, who was hating and following the p I s.

P I ing on them. PI ing. And now we got the department of Justice PI ing on the p I S with the p I s. What? It's inception of p I s?

Yes. Russian doll of P I. Truly. Everybody watching everybody. They're all at that same table, eating ribs.

Aman Adumer
Truly. It's like a spider man meme. Now everybody like you. We all looking at each other. Yeah, yeah.

Across the PI verse. Just everybody pointing at each other. What, like the binocular company doing well, their stock is up. Yes. They were like, we ain't never had people need to see people this close since the bifocal.

Lacy Moseley
Goddamn it. We up. Sales in the Bay area. Bird watchers coming in. Like these binoculars, not what they used to cost.

They're like yesterday's price. Not today. We got all types of investigators coming in here needing an ultra binocular. Ultra binocular.

So at the same time, lifetime was also filming. So at times, both lifetime and the Department of Justice were filming the same people at the same time. Oh, my gosh. Lifetime was getting real life. Yeah, true life.

Mary Anthony
Wow. Really? The show became an increasing disaster anyway, as Chris had initially sold it on fake cases, and now there weren't enough clients for the Pia moms to actually help because he was making them up. So Chris began pulling in more dangerous drugs, such as meth, to help get money to stage more cases for the show. But lifetime pulled the plug only a few months in.

Lacy Moseley
Yeah, I feel like lifetime started to realize meth was. It was getting messy too far. Yeah. They were like, no. They're like, we'll save this for TLC.

Aman Adumer
That's not us. Yeah, no, this not us. Y'all might want to call Zeus. Cause we don't do meth. Okay.

Lacy Moseley
We don't mess with baddies. Everybody whooping, everybody. Y'all need to go. Where y'all people at on the math? Okay.

A step too far. So finally, Carl was able to get footage of Chris and norm counting money and weighing out math, not the break of bed. The next morning, Chris and Norm were in jail. Damn. They were charged with 17 felony counts and faced life in prison.

The charges also included charges related to Chris and Norm running a happy ending massage parlor called my divine skin. What?

Aman Adumer
They just had their hands in every kind of business. My divine skin, where you. You can also get it in.

Lacy Moseley
Oh, my God. Also, would you like meth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have a 04:00 it might have been. You also sell meth?

Mary Anthony
Yeah, I did the add on. The meth add on. I'm doing a 50 minutes. I'm doing the CBD scrubs. Yes.

Lacy Moseley
The meth add on. Yes.

Aman Adumer
What's this? Getting shot at by a mother. Yeah. What's this add on? Try this.

Lacy Moseley
We only do that on Thursdays. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. She got soccer the rest of the week.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. Yeah. On Thursdays, she will.

Lacy Moseley
Good Lord. So in May 2012, Chris pleaded guilty to robbery, extortion, and conspiracy, and in September 2012, he was sentenced to eight years in prison. His current whereabouts are unknown, but he was due to be released in 2019. Norm was sentenced to 14 years on corruption charges because Norm was a police officer with the great clips haircut. Yeah.

Mary Anthony
Okay. And, you know, he was skimming off the top of the law as well. Yep. And so he got 14 years because he was a cop. He served eight, and while in prison obtained a master's degree in theology and counseling and a doctorate in christian counseling and a drug and alcohol counseling degree.

Lacy Moseley
So he said, I put him on math and I also take him off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll show you Jesus. Yeah. What?

Aman Adumer
Theology. What he said, let's recite the prayer. He wants to be the next doctor. Phil. Lord, he's more qualified.

Mary Anthony
Yeah. May I? What is it? It's like, may I do the things I cannot? Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Help me accept the things I cannot change. Lord, help me accept the things I cannot change. Change. But that's not how it starts.

Change the things I can. It's a serenity prayer, right? It's a serenity prayer. I think it starts. Lord, I was down bad, but now I'm okay.

Aman Adumer
Now I'm okay. Now I'm okay. Now I'm okay. Yes, God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, like selling meth like I used to. Courage to change the things I can.

Mary Anthony
Like my degrees, get my degrees. Okay. And wisdom to know the difference. Jesus. Yes.

Lacy Moseley
Listen, okay, listen, look, look. If you go change your life up, at least do something, you know? Yeah, he did know about drugs. I don't know if he knew God. Yeah, but, you know, he found God.

Mary Anthony
He found. He found God in that online college, in that prison. He currently works at a men's residential treatment facility as a registered alcohol and drug counselor and pastoral care provider. It's called divine skin.

Lacy Moseley
Full circle. Not the circle again. The circle of life. The circle of Chris. Oh, man.

And you know what, Norm? If you really are, like, on the up and up and are helping people at a facility and doing pastoral work, then shout out to you, you know, I don't like copyright on this show, but you're not a cop no more. Now you're doing a serenity prayer. And hopefully you're not, like, selling meth on the side, because a lot of times, like AA meetings or na meetings, like drug dealers go to those and they wait outside because they know their best customers are all in one building. How fucked is that?

Aman Adumer
That's so fucked up. That's horrible. Every day. Every day. That's evil.

Lacy Moseley
So Carl starred in the show homicide from 2011 to 2020. So Carl was our snitch. Whoa, whoa, whoa. And he got himself an acting and police job out of it. Homicide.

Hunter, listen, if that ain't manifesting, I don't know what is. Yeah, he manifested. This man scaped and he manifested. Yep, yep. Good for you, Carl.

Oh, my goodness. Well, that brings us to the end of a fantastic episode. Y'all know when the homies are in the club, like, it's up. But we always ask at the end of our podcast, where would you like to be found? Anything you wanna plug.

Social media projects coming out, things to watch, whatever it may be. Ooh. Okay. You can find me. Like we said earlier, performing at the UCB theater with these folks, Leroy and the group called Benetton.

Aman Adumer
And I wish I was on social media. I got a Twitter, and it's gidiamonidiamon. You got a Twitter? I do have a Twitter, yes. Do we follow each other on Twitter?

Lacy Moseley
Did I know that's your Twitter? Maybe it's not active, but if you need to find me, I got one. Not. It's not active, but if you need to find me, I got one. See?

Still slippery at the end of the episode. Nail it down. You could find me on TikTok and Twitter. Just my name, Mary E. Anthony.

Mary Anthony
And yeah, earlier, I have a show at Dynasty typewriter on July 7. Would love to see you there. And then also perform with Leroy as well. At UCB. Yeah, go on the UCB website, Leroy.

Lacy Moseley
I will be at more of the show soon. Right now, a bitch got too many jobs right now a bitch down bad. But you're okay? But I'm okay. Okay, y'all.

September 22, the region theater in Los Angeles. You can get on Live Nation right now for the scam goddess five year anniversary show.

It's a little bit of a scam. Cause we all love it over five years, but we are about to party. My book comes out September 10, so we gonna be partying about the book. There's some other things I'm gonna be able to announce that are just for y'all that we can turn up about as well. That show is going to be fucking crazy.

Get your tickets. I will be doing a meet and greet, but there are only 40 slots available because y'all. Y'all know when I was on the road in the beginning, honey, I be standing over there for, like, 2 hours talking and kiki with y'all. And I love y'all to death. It was amazing.

But now a girl on a schedule, and they making me charge, so. Yeah, but bring a copy of the book and also sign it. Like, just wear red. I'm a pull a full beyonce. Everybody in red, just like me.

Mary Anthony
Yes. And we're about to have a good ass fucking time. That is September 22 at the Regent theater. You can go on Live nation right now. And buy your tickets.

Lacy Moseley
Follow me at d I v a l a c I. Diva Lacey. Dot. What was about to say.com diva Lacey on all platforms. And if you want to see the photos from the show, and I know I've been trifling y'all.

I know I owe y'all some pictures. I got some videos for y'all, too. Like, I will spoil you. I swear to God. I'm just, like, right now a bitch.

Damn it. Okay, but scam got his pod to see the photos from this episode, which you definitely will want to see. I will be posting these on time. Congregation. You can pre order my book in the footnotes of this episode.

Hashtag books. You can order it from wherever you want to order it from. I can't tell you where specifically, because the book girlies be fighting scam goddess. It's nothing like the podcast. I have not told anything on the podcast that is in the book.

It's a memoir, and it's also true crime, and it's fun as fuck, so get that, too. Buy all the things, honey. Congregation, I want y'all to get out there and stay circling back, okay? Mm hmm. Gab.

Got it.

This has been an earwolf production in association with team coco scam goddess stars and is hosted by me, Lacy Moseley, aka scam goddess. Our producer is Judith Cargbo, and our audio engineer is rich Garcia. Research for the show is done by Kailyn Brandt. Stay scheming.

Aman Adumer
1234. Those are numbers, but you already knew that. If you want to know what number you're going to pay each month for your car, use Kelley blue book my wallet on Autotrader. They're really good at numbers. Autotrader.

Lacy Moseley
Autotrader.

Soccer Mom PI w/ Mary Anthony & Aman Adumer

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1: Introduction and Background

2: Guest Stories

3: Discussion on Corporate Scams

4: Cultural Reflections

5: Conclusion and Takeaways

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