717. Q&AF: The Success Lag, Retaining Customers Vs Handling New Ones & Tackling Crabs In A Bucket Mentality

Speaker A
Yeah went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze fuck up bowl fuck up stove counted millions in a cold bad bitch booted swole got her own bank roll can't fold just a no head shot case cloak, cloth. Clothes what is up, guys? It's Andy for selling. This is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fitness and delusions of modern society.

Andy Frisella
And welcome to motherfucking reality, guys. Today we have Q and AF. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now, if you want your questions answered on the show, you could submit questions a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email these.

Speaker C
Questions into askandyforsella.com dot or you go. On YouTube on the Q and a f episodes. Drop your question in the comments and we'll get some from there as well as the week progresses. If this is your first time listening, we have shows within the show. Sometimes we have CTI that'll be out tomorrow.

Andy Frisella
That stands for cruise the Internet. And tomorrow we have Attorney General Andrew Bailey. We have lots to talk about tomorrow. But yeah, CTI has cruise the Internet. That's where we put topics up on the screen.

We speculate on what we think is true and what we think is not true, and then we talk about how we, the people have to solve these problems going on in the world. Other times throughout the week, we're gonna have real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes and me giving you a real talk, otherwise known as a healthy rant, something that will benefit you. Then we have 75 hard versus 75 hard verses is where a person who has completed the 75 hard program comes in, talks about how they were before, how they are now, and how they use the live hard and 75 hard program to transform their life. If you're unfamiliar with 75 hard or live hard, it is the world's most popular mental transformation program.

It is for free, available at episode 208 on the audio feed only. There is a book available on my website, andiefercella.com comma, called the book on mental toughness that describes the entire live hard program top to bottom. It also has ten chapters on mental toughness, how to use it to benefit your life, and also some case studies from some very famous people who use mental toughness to become those famous people. All right, now one thing you're going to notice is that we don't run ads on the show. I don't want to take direction from people because they're giving me money.

So I don't do that, and in exchange, I ask very simply that you help us grow the show. All right? We're always dealing with censorship and shadow bans and traffic throttling. If we want the message to get out, we need your help. Okay?

So I make a deal with you. I don't run ads. You share the show. All right? So don't be a ho.

Sure. All right. Hey, what's up? What's going on, man? Nothing, dude.

Speaker C
Notice anything different.

Andy Frisella
With you? Yeah. No. Did your brain get smaller? No, man.

Speaker C
Roasted. So what'd you do, trim your beard? Yeah, I got lined up, man. Big boss. Is that what you're talking about?

Andy Frisella
Mm hmm. Oh, yeah. Let's see. I thought you would notice. Well, I noticed because I saw you getting it trimmed in the barber shop when I walked by on the way to studio.

Speaker C
Yeah? Yeah. How do I look? I mean, it looks good. Yeah?

Andy Frisella
Yeah, but it's another one of your tricks that you're trying to pull on the listeners. What do you mean? Notice anything different? Yeah, I just saw you get your beard trim 5 seconds ago. It was.

Speaker C
It was actually this past weekend. What? Oh, yeah. No, but hey, no, you know what's funny though, bro? I was thinking about this.

Cause I got my hair cut. Haha. I got my beer lined up, bro. Those fucking chairs are heavy, and I. And I fucking hit the shit out of my shit.

Yeah, those like small, little, fucking, like, stub your toes type shit, bro. Those are the words I just bitched out in there completely. It still hurts, bro. You ever seen those dudes that, like, do martial arts that like, beat their shins to try and toughen them up, bro? Is that what they do for kickboxing?

Andy Frisella
That shit's crazy. Fuck that. Yeah, I agree. You ever seen the movie the accountant with Ben Affleck? No.

He does that in that movie. He rolls his shins out with a stick, bro, there's no. It's hard to watch. The shins, I feel like, are the most sensitive part of the body. I think that's why they do that.

Speaker C
Outside of the goose. So they can kick you in the face and it doesn't hurt. Yeah, no, fuck that, man. I'm hurting right now. That's why they make guns, bro.

Andy Frisella
That's 100% so I don't have to kick you in the face and I don't have to run shit up and down my shit. Guns equal muay Thai. The thing is, it's like all these dudes run around and they're like, I'm fucking beat your ass. We're not in a beat your ass phase of life anymore now, like, when you get into your forties, you're gonna shoot people in the face phase of life. Well, I like.

I want to win, you know? I like it too, but I'm too old for that shit now, right? Like, I want to win and not sweat, you know, saying, like, that's where I'm at. So if you try to kick me with one of your tough shoes, grab. Me here, grab me there.

Really? I'm just a pussy. It is what it is. Hey, man, it's all good, man. We got a.

Speaker C
We got a hell of a week, man. Getting close to summer smash. Yeah. Summer. Summer smash.

I saw the drink you got there. I have one too. I actually finished mine, but that american flag reminded me of something, man. We got a little special something this weekend, don't we? They.

Red, white and blue. You talking about the secret? Yeah. That's top secret. Yeah, I'm just.

Just reminding me of it. Of how good we're gonna look at those. That's true. We are gonna look phenomenal. Now, listen, I feel like you're listening.

Andy Frisella
I'm the one that ordered them. I need you to come through on this, Andy. I'm the one that ordered him. There's no bagging out on this, bro. I've been feeling like there's some bagging out of this.

What do I back out of? I'm just saying, you haven't. You haven't let me down yet. You're my boy, blue. I'm just saying, you're the one that backs out.

Speaker C
Why would I back out? I tell you to. We're gonna work out. You fucking show up for two days, and then where the fuck are you? Just worked out today.

Andy Frisella
Yeah, those fucking. I don't back out as shit, bro. That's why I'm jacked and tan. Juicy. All right.

I got a fat wallet. Right.

Speaker C
All right, well, let's make some people better today. Um, guys? Andy, I got some good ones for you. All right, let's knock these out, guys. Andy, question number one.

Andy with the exclamation point yelling at me. He's yelling at you, man. Andy. My name is how they type. Andy, my name is Nathan.

I'm 20 years old, from South Louisiana. Oh, I should put an accent on this one. And I listen to real af every motherfucking morning. I've always been a hard worker. Since I was 15, I had my own lawn care business going on.

I've worked at restaurants. I've done side labor and anything else that could make me a dollar. Still to this day. In the past year, I've gone through the hardest time of my life with a lot of life changing events that been, in short, fucking hard. It feels like I'm just fucking up and I'm disappointing everyone trying to make everything work, keep everyone happy and maintain balance.

I work two sales jobs, one Monday through Friday and the other Saturday and Sunday. I also. I'm also a full time college student majoring in architecture. I feel like consistency may be the problem because I'm all over the place at times. Balls to the wall, and there's other times where I feel like quitting, but I keep a smile on my face and keep going with my head up.

Can you give me any advice on how to keep the right mindset when I'm feeling down and maintain the balance that will not only benefit myself but everyone else around me? I want to give the best version of myself to the people around me because I believe in hard work and can inspire others to be their best as well. From a real ass listener, keeping it motherfucking real. Nathan. It'S Andy.

Andy Frisella
Look, man, here's the deal. First of all, that was good. Yeah, you like? That was good. That was almost trophy worthy.

Oh, it's close. All right. I don't know that anybody's got a trophy on Qnaf. Oh, yeah. First black man.

Speaker C
Do it. It was close. Yeah.

Andy Frisella
All right, so here's the deal, man. When you're pushing to be better, when you're trying to progress your life, when you're trying to improve your situation, it is always going to feel like a struggle. It's always going to feel extra hard, and you're always going to feel like you're fucking it up. That is the nature of what it feels like to push into new territory to expand your personal boundaries. So what's happening to you, bro, is that you are out here hustling as hard as you can.

You're doing these multiple jobs, you're trying to keep everybody happy, and you're not used to it yet. You haven't acclimated to it yet, so it feels overwhelming, and you don't know if you're doing it right. And you probably haven't done it long enough for it to really bear fruit. So you're like, shit, I'm doing all this work. I'm trying hard.

This is so hard. Everybody's. This is chaos, and nothing's happening, so I must be doing it wrong, and that's not reality. Okay? You have to understand, just like if you were gonna get into a cold swimming pool, when you first jump in there, it's cold and you jump out of the water and you're like, oh, you can't breathe.

And then after a few minutes, it's normal. You can't, you don't even notice it, all right? And so what you're going through is the acclimation process to expanding the boundaries in your life. And it's completely normal to feel that way. Anybody who pushes hard to get better feels that way.

And the reason that you don't know more people that feel that way is that because the minute that it starts to feel the way that you're feeling, most people stop, all right? So it sounds to me, brother, like you're doing all the right things. You're young, you're hustling, you have your head on straight, you're working hard. And I think the most important thing is that you have to understand that it takes time. All right?

There's a very famous story about chinese bamboo tree, all right? The chinese bamboo tree has to be planted in the ground, and after it's planted in the ground, it has to get water, the soil has to be taken care of and it can't be disturbed. And for five years, for five years, it sits in the ground with no. No sign of growth, no sign of sprout. And then once it starts to sprout, it grows 60 to 80ft in eight weeks.

All right? So this is the same thing that happens with your life when you start to work to improve it, when you start to try and improve your career, your mental toughness, your skillset, everything that you're about, your life in general, it feels very discouraging because you're pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, pushing, and nothing is happening. But that's because you don't have the right perspective about how things happen. And if you think about success, and you should think about it like this, think of you took a hockey stick and you laid it on the ground with the handle being the long part and then the blade pointing up at the sky, the handle being the long part is what it takes and how much work you have to do, and that is very long. And once you get to where you start to see results, the results go up very, very quick.

And that is the same way that your success is going to work. It's the same way your life is going to work. And you just have to understand this is the way it is and you're going to have to bear through it and eventually, you'll acclimate to it and all these things to feel like you're not in balance or you're not doing it right will go away and it'll just feel normal. And you'll actually discover that you're really not even pushing that hard. And then if you're ambitious enough, you'll even push harder than that.

So that's what you're dealing with, dude. I don't think it's abnormal at all. I think it's totally normal. And you guys just have to keep in mind, when you're pushing to be better, when you're progressing to be better, it is always going to feel like a struggle. It's always going to feel like you are not winning when in fact, you actually are.

Speaker C
I love that. I want to address something here because I feel like, I mean, this is something I've been through personally. I'm sure a lot of other young people out there are going through this as well. But this idea, when you're trying to do good shit in your life, you're young, you're ambitious, you have that drive. You want to fucking win.

You want to do great things. I feel like there's this cloud over you. Like he describes it, this need to kind of make everybody else happy, right? I've heard you say before, you have the saying where you have to be selfless to be selfish, or you have. To be selfish to be selfless to be selfless.

I feel like there is a time period that the focus has to kind of be on you. It has to. Before you can really appreciate and be valuable to other people. How do you, how do we navigate that as a young person, he's 20 years old. How do we navigate that and get that cloud away from us as far as that feeling that we have to?

Andy Frisella
Well, that is your own insecurities and your own misunderstanding of the process that's making you feel that way, coupled with the comments and the outside pressure that you might feel from your friends and your family for changing up the way that you operate. And it's usually a combination of both of those. But what you have to realize is that there's a reason why when you're on an airplane, they say, hey, put your mask on first and then help people next to you. All right? Because if you're not the best version of yourself, if you don't have your mind right, if you don't have your body right, if you don't have your money right, if you don't have your spirituality right, if you don't have your character, right?

And you're trying to help other people, you're going to be ineffective. All right? So we have to take care of ourselves. We have to build ourselves up into the best possible us, and we have to have our shit together in the best possible way in order to actually benefit other people. And people will cop out of this.

You know, you'll hear people say, well, you know, I feed the homeless. I go down there on Thanksgiving and on Christmas and make meals. Yeah, but, you know, someone who has all that other shit together, they're building entire kitchens for people. You see what I'm saying? So the scale at which you can cause benefit to other people is in proportion to the scale of which the quality of human and the skilled human that you become.

So you have to become that before you can effectively help people at scale. Does that make sense? I think about in my life, like, how many opportunities I missed or things I said no to because I'm trying to do this for. For family. I'm trying to do this for friends or whatever, just to keep everybody else.

Speaker C
A lot of shit gets put on the back burner. Yeah, bro. And that's not. That's not good because. And that feet.

Andy Frisella
What happens is people get into a cycle where they can't get out of that. You know, they end up neglecting themselves and neglecting their career or their fitness or their health or their minds or their sanity or their own dreams because they are worried about, like, maintaining the balance. Bro, balance is a fake thing. It's not real. And by the way, the last time I checked, there's no fucking award for balance.

No one comes to write you a check for how balanced you are. No one comes and builds you a house for how balanced you are. No one comes and gives you a nice life for how balanced you are. That's not what the fucking game is. The game is, are you effective?

Are you skilled? Do you produce results? That's the game. So we could talk about balance. And it sounds nice, but the reality is to actually win in real life, balance has to be a second or third thought on the plate behind being effective in producing results and building ourselves into the best possible us.

So, yeah, your friends who don't do shit, they'll talk about balance all day, but what do they have? You see what I'm saying? Balance doesn't equal success. It just doesn't. Imbalance equals success.

And your ability to feel peace is going to come down to your ability to be comfortable in chaos. All right? If you're not comfortable in chaos. You're never going to be peaceful if you're an ambitious human. That's just reality.

Speaker C
Yeah. I love it, man. I love it. Guys. Andy, question number two.

I got a little business question for you, Andy, from a young, young gun here. Andy. I'm a 22 year old that's been chasing my dreams of real deal entrepreneurship since I was 16. I'm two years in my brick and mortar store. All right?

I have a team of five people. My business is in tech repair. Okay? So he says, think geek squad. But mom and pop, and we are actually fucking cool.

My company's foundation is a subscription service where, for a monthly fee, any electronics in your home, we service. It's not cheap, but we built a solid base. My question to you is, how did you handle the balance of servicing new customers and maintaining those relationships with your existing customers while building and cultivating new ones? Who gets the attention? How did you manage both?

I feel like we're about to enter a nice growth phase because Best Buy just closed down in our town, which means a massive pool of people to get. I just don't want to forget about those who helped us get here. Well, that's a very valid concern. All right? Because the people that you've already taken care of, that you've already invested in, that you've already spent money to acquire, that you've already serviced, those are the people that are going to spread the word about your services.

Andy Frisella
So instead of looking at them as customers, you already have. You should look at them as advocates of your brand. Okay? You have advocates of your brand, and then you have people who've never heard of your brand. Now, if you have advocates of your brand and people have never heard of your brand, you know, the discussion shouldn't be.

Which is more important, because they're both. They're both important. That'd be like saying, what's more important on a car, your tires or the gas? Right? You need both.

All right? So what you need to do is you need to, culturally, with your five team members, you need to set a standard where each of those people are respected equally and the attention that you give them is equal and at top level. Okay? There's no sacrifice here. Like, I'm the way you pose.

The question is basically, where do I take from to give? And that's not. That's not how business works. You have to give 100 to every area, so you can't afford to lose the connection and the brand equity that you've built with your existing customer. Base in order to get new customers, because if you do that, those people will just spread the word that you're shit.

Speaker C
Yeah, once he gets you. Hey. So you have to figure out a way to culturally get your team aligned to where they understand that both of these things are important. And so 100% attention should be given to the people you already have, servicing them, making a great experience, making sure that they are well taken care of. With the idea that you are going to solve their problems and for solving their problems in such an effective way, they are likely going to tell their friends, hey, I'm going over here.

Andy Frisella
These guys do this. They're awesome. They handle it. They take care of me. I love these guys.

And they spread the word. You get a lot of free marketing there, right? And then off that free marketing, the new people come in. And by the way, you have to uphold that standard because the standard that those current customers are spreading is very good. So if you get the new ones that are in and you don't hold that standard that they're spreading, they're ultimately let down, which is the catch 22 of having a great experience.

When you do a great experience and your brand is built around great experiences, you have to understand that when those people start to tell that story, you have to uphold that deal for the people that come in because they've already been prefaced with how great you are, right. Their expectations, like, it's like going to the movies, right? Like if someone tells you, oh, you got to see this movie, it's so awesome. Your expectation for the movie is very high. If you go in and watch the movie and it sucks, it's actually, like, way more sucky than it would have been had you not been prefaced with how great it was going to be.

So your ability to uphold that standard with a new customer is fucking ridiculously important. So it's not either or, it's both. And you have to figure out how to get your whole team to subscribe to that mentality. It's not either or, it's both. And the way you posed the question was, it's either or.

And you need to be careful because that's probably coming from your team. Your team is probably saying shit like this, well, we can't do this because we're doing all this and we can't do that because we're doing all that well, hey, I got news for you motherfuckers. We got to do both, otherwise the machine don't work. All right? So if you want your business to work and you want the word amount to spread, which is the most effective way to market.

You have to do both at the highest level. There is no this or that. It is both. I love that, man. Was that.

Speaker C
Was that a. Was that a easy thing for you to put in? Like, you know, like building when you were building the first one was that. Well, it's easy in concept to understand. Sounds simple.

Andy Frisella
Yeah, it's very simple, but it's. It's hard to execute until you get all the people aligned with that, with that understanding. Right. Like, yeah, I understood it right away. But how do I get 20 other people to execute at that when they think, oh, it's this or that?

So that's why I was putting stress on the cultural element here, where we have to get the whole team to understand one thing begets another thing, which begets more business, which ties into your career and how much you earn and how much we're going to grow. So you have to tie this all together for everybody to make them understand. We got to have tires if we want the car to run. Not only do we have to have tires, we have to have gas. Right.

And you have to explain that to them. Got to have this. Got to have that. When we have those two things, this is what happens. This is what happens to you, and you have to tie it back into how it's important to them.

And then, you know, all of a sudden, things won't be this or that anymore because they'll understand how the dots connect. I love it. I love it, man. Guys. Andy, question number three.

Speaker C
Andy. Andy. For most of my life, I've been surrounded by crabs in a bucket. Anytime I've had an idea, it was thrown down. And things, of course, never came into fruition.

I'm now 22. I moved across the country from Pennsylvania to Arizona. I removed myself from that environment, and now I just don't know what exactly to do. How can I develop a growth mindset? How do I dream?

How do I get started? I feel like I'm starting over when it comes to pursuing my own dreams. I just don't know where to start because everything was thrown down before. Any insight on this? Well, I mean, look, man, it's your life.

Andy Frisella
You got to make a decision about what it is you want. Most people don't get anywhere because they never make a decision about who they want to become. They live in the moment, and then they think they'll figure it out later. And figuring out later comes 510 15, 2040 years later, and then you don't have any more time. So I would encourage you to really think about who you want to be, what you want your life to be, like, who you want to be surrounded by, and then work a plan backwards from that.

You know, how do you dream, bro? It's very simple. If you knew that there weren't any limits for you and your life, what the fuck would you do? What would your life look like? Who would you be friends with?

What kind of spouse would you have? What kind of lifestyle would you lead? What kind of house would you live in? What kind of car would you drive? What kind of money would you make?

Like, it's. It's like going shopping. I want a little bit of that. I want some of this. I want some of that.

I want some of this. No limits, okay? Cause there are none. And if you make that version of yourself in your head and you actually take time to design it, then it's as simple as back reverse engineering it backwards to where you're able to execute on a day by day basis. This isn't magic.

It's not rocket science. It is deciding what you want, working backwards from what you want to where you are, and then moving forwards with your actions day by day to make this vision a reality. 510. 15 years down the road. All right?

And if people just understood that it was that simple, and it's not this magical thing. It's not luck. It's not mystical. You know, we have a lot more successful people because the reality is society wants you to believe that you have limits and that, you know, you can't really do anything, and, you know, you can't really become that because only so many people become that. Well, fuck, why not you?

Why not you? Why? What excludes you from that? You know? And we.

We learn this because when we're young, you know, our parents, if we have decent ones, will tell us, you know, hey, you could be whatever you want. You could be anything you decide to be. And then as we get older, we have people that come into our lives, people at school, teachers, aunts, uncles, quote unquote friends, that tell you things like, you know, you need to be more realistic. You know, you need to. You need to stop dreaming so much.

Well, that's the shit they told me, too. And here the fuck I am, okay? I just chose not to listen to them. And that's what I would encourage anybody to do. I would encourage anybody to decide who they want to be, reverse engineer it, start moving forward with those actions, and fuck what everybody else says about it.

And even if you don't get to exactly where you want to be, you're going to get somewhat there, and your life's going to be tremendously better than what it is now. And it's very simple. There's no magic, there's no. There's no set of special talents you have to have. Like, it's just deciding what you want, figuring out what it's going to take to get it, and then running.

Running the fucking play. It's so simple, dude, that people think it's not simple. Like, and the reason that people want to believe that there's more to it than that, because if it was that simple and all they had to do was that that means they would have to work very hard, and they don't want to admit that to themselves. They don't want to stop and say, yeah, man, you know, fuck, I really could have become this had I decided to commit to it and do everything required to do that. They're just not willing to do that.

So people choose to believe in luck and circumstances and happenstance and, you know, the right place at the right time. Which, yes, there are little instances in life where it's going to look like luck or it's going to look like you're in the right place at the right time, but how did you get in the right place at the right time? Did you get in the right place at the right time? Because you were sitting on your couch for the last ten years watching fucking Netflix? Because I don't think anybody in the world ever was in the right place at the right time without taking forward action.

Right? How about the guy that gets lucky? Did he get lucky because he's, you know, fucking playing video games? No, he got lucky because he was taking forward action. He happened to be somewhere, somebody saw something in him or something happened, and he would just happen to be there.

And those things do happen, but you have to be moving forward for them to happen. All right? And this idea that, you know, people like to point at the fucking vast minority of experiences as the excuse as to why they're not doing anything, right. They like to say, oh, well, that guy's parents were rich, or that guy did this or that, bro, that circumstance is like 0.001 of the success that you see in the world, all right? So you're gonna take this extreme circumstance of someone who was happenstance or lucky or in the right place at the right time, and you're gonna make that the reason that you can't fucking do anything.

That's bullshit. The truth of the matter is, it takes a long time. It takes a lot of work, and most people don't want to do that. That's. That's the truth.

So they'll make excuses around everything that they can to avoid them having to address the truth, which is, I'm just not willing to do the work. And here's the cool thing. If you were just able to admit to yourself, I'm just not willing to do the work, you're going to have a lot more peaceful life, because here's where people ruin themselves. They fucking think they have all these goals and dreams. They think they have this ambition.

They want all this shit, but they don't want to do the work. But they continue to show up and, like, listen to this podcast or go to seminars or buy courses, when in reality, dude, all they're looking for is the secret. And the secret is very simple. Decide what you want, reverse engineer it, win every single day, and move forward until you create it. And that's the secret.

But people don't like that. They don't like that because it's hard. It takes time. It's frustrating. But the reward that you get from it is more than just the thing you're trying to create.

You become highly skilled, highly knowledgeable, highly experienced. Your perspective on the world changes. You become a much more fulfilled human being, a much richer and knowledge human being, a wise human being. These are. This is the path of a fulfilling existence.

And because people think of it as money, cars and houses, and quote unquote, success, as opposed to what they gain in addition to that, which is actually the prize, they just ignore it. And they say, well, fuck, man, you know. You know, I got screwed. You know, I tried that. It didn't work.

You know, that guy was rich when he started, so, you know, it is what it is, you know. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, right? It must be nice. Yeah, it must be nice, bro.

I've worked every single day of my life for 25 years. Hard as fuck. You're goddamn right it's nice. It's fucking really nice. It's really nice to go to my nice house.

It's really nice to fucking go wherever I want on a private jet. It's really nice to come here to this amazing company with these amazing people every day. It's really nice to drive some of the coolest cars in the fucking world. It's nice. And it's fucking worth it, too.

So I would highly recommend that you decide what the fuck you want, reverse engineer it, and start moving towards it, because when you get there and you're at that place, you're not only going to be living the life that you want, but you're going to have all this knowledge, all these skills that's going to allow you to help other people live the life that they want. And ultimately, that's what creates an awesome society. We have high level people who are achieving at a high level, who are encouraging people, teaching people, pulling people along. And that's what we're missing in America anyway. So you have an obligation to go out and figure out what the fuck it is you want and go achieve it.

Because when people see you achieve it, then they understand that it's possible. And that's how we change the culture from this bullshit we have to what we need and what this country's supposed to be about. So figure it out, man. Yeah, I think the good, the cool thing here, man, is like, I see these questions all the time that come in. It's like people are so they can't get over the negativity that surrounds them.

Speaker C
And it sounds like you have already made a massive step for sure, just getting the fuck out of that environment, man. Like, so now you got a blank check you can write. Yeah, but you don't have to get out of the environment like that, dude. Like, you don't have to move across the country. You just have to stop giving a fuck.

Andy Frisella
And you got to look at motherfuckers when they look, man, this is like high school, okay? These people are losers. They're sitting at the cool kids table right now, and they look at you and they say, what the fuck are you doing? Why are you doing that? Blah, blah, blah.

And they think they're really cool. But I can promise you, when you go out and you build what it is that you say you're going to build, and those motherfuckers doing the same thing that they were doing 15 years ago, they're not cool anymore. And you'll be cool, all right? Cool is doing what the fuck you need to do for you. Cool is being authentic to you.

Cool is creating the life that you want. That's cool. Cool is not sitting in the old neighborhood at the old pub and trying to put pressure on people. Be like, oh, you've changed. You're not a loyal friend.

Remember where you came from, bro. Those people are fucking losers. And they're always going to be fucking sitting there saying the same thing, doing the same thing. I could promise you, if you could zoom ahead 20 years from now, you wouldn't give a fuck what they were saying. That's the truth.

You would look at them like you look at the fucking dumbass at the gas station who's buying a twelve pack at 09:00 a.m. to waste this whole fucking day. And he's telling you life advice. You know what I'm saying? Like, you'd be like, yeah, all right, bro.

Like, you have to learn who to listen to and who not to listen to. And it's, if you want to remove yourself from that environment, it's really simple. Start seeing those people as they're going to be 20 years from now when you talk to them now, all right? Like, when I look at people like that, I don't, I'm not around people like that anymore. But, like, when I used to be around people like that, you know what I did?

I looked at them and I visualize them 20 years from now. And then, and then I wouldn't listen to them. I'd be like, fuck, that's, that's a fucking clown. You know what I'm saying? Like, go to a bar, bro.

And look at the people who are like, in their forties and fifties and sixties that are sitting at the bar fucking drinking. Would you listen to those guys in my life? I wouldn't. You know, I'm saying I might listen to how not, how to not fuck up my life because of, listen, they're fuck ups. But, you know, and it's funny because those are always the people that think they have the best advice, you know, it's like all the broke people that try to tell people who are rich how to spend their money and shit.

How, like anytime we ever, anytime, you know, we ever have a clip go viral and we get all these comments, I'm talking about money or making money in this, it's always broke motherfuckers in the comments saying all this, you should be doing this. This is the right way to do it. Well, if that's the case, why the fuck are you broke and why am I not? Why you not doing it? That's what I'm saying.

Why the fuck are you fucking you and I'm me, right? You know, so, like, these people lack, because they're at, in their world, they're at the top, they're at the center of their universe. So they think they know shit, but they don't know shit. And if they were to objectively look at their reality and look at their bank account, look at their house and look at their fitness and look at their spouse and look at their life, they would come to an understanding pretty quick that they fucked up. The problem is they don't even know a single successful person to compare themselves to.

They don't know how good it could be, so they think they're the shit, and they're telling you all this shit when they don't know anything. And that's where we get in trouble. We listen to people that we shouldn't listen to. So, like, if you don't want. I say this all the time, if you do not want their life, you should not listen to them.

If you want their life, those are the people to listen to. And I'm not just talking about part of their life. I'm talking about their whole life. You. Just because someone has a nice car doesn't mean you should listen to them.

Just because someone has a decent house doesn't mean you should listen to them. Take inventory of their entire existence. What are they about? What's their character like? How do they live?

What are they creating? What kind of person are they? How do they treat people? If you find someone that you want to be like, that's the person to emulate, not just because they have part of it. You see what I'm saying?

There's a lot of people out there on the Internet that fucking, you know, sell bullshit. And they got a couple nice cars, and, you know, they're trying to tell you how to do. They don't know shit either because they're scamming their way to fucking this fake show that's not even real. Like, those motherfuckers real talk. They couldn't run a stake.

They couldn't run one of my retail stores for a fucking day. For a single fucking day. Or their complete douchebags. You couldn't run you mother, this motherfucker could not run a single day of one of my retail stores. And you're buying their coaching don't make sense.

No, it doesn't make sense, man. You guys got to be start being smart, dude, and look at everything about these people. What business they create, how they make their money. Where are their customers? Where's their headquarters?

Where's their employees? What do their people say? What do their customers say? Can you order their product? What do they actually do?

Do they actually do this? Are they lying? Do they actually build that? Are they full of shit? Do they have one of these secret nobody knows about companies?

Or do they have a company everybody knows about? You see what I'm saying? Like, why do all these little entrepreneurs on the Internet have all these companies no one's ever fucking heard about. Where the fuck are. Is this like, you got them in the metaverse?

And where the fuck are they? You got put the guy. Are they behind the curtain? Oh, you can't disclose to me what companies you own, right? You see what I'm saying?

Those are red flags, bro. You guys got to get smarter than that. It's real shit, man. You want a little special sauce? Yeah, we can do one more.

Speaker C
I got one more for you guys. Andy, question number four. Andy. I find myself often, I feel overanalyzing myself. I feel like I walk through looking at myself through a microscope every day, constantly battling whether I did enough, if I'm doing enough, how I did, where I messed up, how what I did was perceived to other people, et cetera.

What would you say is the safe and sane way to reflect on oneself? How do you do it? What have you found works and doesn't work? More importantly, how do you remain unemotional about it? Self reflection.

And let's talk about it. Yeah, look, dude, the greatest people, whatever they do, are tremendously particular and critical of their actions. And I'm not just talking about on a daily basis. I'm talking about every action they take. And the one thing that they do that I have found that all of them do is that they all self assess the conversations, the way they treat people.

Andy Frisella
The emails they sent, they literally coach themselves to be better around every action they take. So. So let's say they sent an email or they had a phone call, right? They hang up the phone call and they'll say, okay, what did I do there? Did I do this?

I should have said that. Did I do this? I could have said that. All right. And they don't beat themselves up over it.

You don't, like, say, oh, fuck, I fucked up. I'm a piece of shit. No. Cause we know we're going to have a gazillion more opportunities. So you have to let go of the idea that this is your last opportunity or that you fucked this up.

Okay. You fucked it up good. What'd you learn? Don't do that again. Right.

So it's your perspective about looking at the analyzation in the right way. It's not attacking yourself or tearing yourself down. It's just objective coaching, as if you were not you and you were standing next to you and you were to coach you, what would you say? Okay, you could do this better. You could do that better.

You could do this better. But after you figure it out, you let it go, bro. You don't let that shit stick to you, because if you let that shit stick to you, you get in a place of overanalyzation, which drives tremendous amounts of anxiety, stress and pressure, which actually keeps people from ever becoming great at what they do because they feel all this pressure. They make it seem like this is the only chance I'm ever going to have and I can't fuck it up. And what happens?

They fuck it up and then they get really emotional about it, all right? And then that emotion carries into the next chance they get. So it becomes this snowball of negativity that they can't break out of, all right? So you have to look at it very simply. What I do right, what I do wrong, okay?

This is what I did wrong. I need to do this better next time. I'm gonna do it better next time. And you move on. And every single person who's ever achieved greatness at anything, they know how to self assess, they know how to self coach, and most importantly, they know how to let it go and move on.

Pro athletes don't carry the weight of a bad game into the next game. They all understand that they are competing at such a high level that if they carry the weight of the last game into the next game, they're going to fucking lose because the other guys are that good. And that's how you have to look at your life, too. Your life. There's too many other people competing for the life that you want to carry the weight of the mistakes that you've made into the future opportunities.

So you have to learn to let it go, dude. And when you learn to let it go and you learn to just accept who it is you are and accept yourself for, you know, the experience level that's appropriate for you, which is probably not very experienced, it becomes easy to let it go and you just keep learning, keep moving forward, you know? I think that's another part that we could add to this, like the proper amount of humility. How many times have you done this? How many times have you been doing?

How long have you been doing what you do? You're not a fucking expert. You're not the greatest of all time. Of course you're going to make mistakes. That's the process of learning and improving and getting better.

So to think that you don't have to fuck up or to think that you are too good to fuck up and letting that tear you up, that's actually arrogance because you believe that you're much better than you actually are. So mix these two things together. Make yourself humble, all right? Realize you're going to make a lot of mistakes. That's just what's going to happen.

And then on top of it, when you do make mistakes, don't make them again. And realize that every conversation, every interaction, every action, every reaction, all it is, is a lesson for the next opportunity. And if you look at it like that and you understand that you can't carry the weight of the fuck up into the next opportunity, you're not gonna have a problem with it, dude. And I understand how you can get make this a problem, but it comes from not understanding how the game works. This isn't your only opportunity.

These, you know, this comes also from the idea. Like, we see this on the Internet, right? Like, people think they're gonna get one person to. To collab with them, or they're going to meet one person, and that one interaction's going to make them a billionaire and shit. That's not how it works, man.

There's. There's no one action that makes anybody, there's no one fuck up that destroys everybody. Like, we have to let go. We have to give ourselves grace, and we have to give ourselves room to learn the lesson. Because how the fuck are we going to learn if we don't fuck shit up?

Speaker C
Yeah. You're saying this compounding good or bad? Yeah. It compounds over. Yeah, of course.

I love that, man. I think that's interesting, too, bro, because, like, I've been with you for five years, and I've. I've seen you. I see you do this all the time with anything you're doing, whether it's a fucking talk you're doing, it's always. You're always very reflective of it.

You know, I'm saying good or bad. And, like, I think that, like, that's something I've definitely noticed, not just with you, I mean, other people. Ed does it, too. Yeah, he does it a lot. Well, dude, like, the cool.

Andy Frisella
Here's the cool thing. When you get in that, like, the circle of friends is appropriate to the level that you're at, where they have the same goals, the same dreams, they're working at the same work ethic. Like, you know, like, for me, it would be like, guys like Ed or Alex, right? Dude, we'll coach each other. Like, Ed will say, like, hey, what do you think?

And I'll be like, well, here. Here's what I think. Blah, blah, blah. What do you think of that? And he'll say, yeah, I think so.

You know? Or, like, you know, Alex and I do that. Ed and I do that. Like, you'll. You'll start to get around these friends.

This goes back to the last question about getting away from people, right? The. You want to build this group of friends that'll help you coach yourself without tearing you down. Right? We can't be our own worst critics.

Fucking right, bro. We usually are. If you're a high achiever, you definitely are. Yeah. That's a hard thing to battle.

Like, do you think Kobe Bryant got out of bed at 03:00 a.m. because he thought he was the fucking greatest? No, he got out of bed at 03:00 a.m. because he looked at the shots. He missed the game before.

He's like, I'm not fucking missing those shots again. Yeah. Yeah, that's real shit, man. That's real. I love it.

Speaker C
I love it, man. Well, guys. And those little special sauce. Yeah. Four.

Andy Frisella
Yeah. Alright, guys, CTI tomorrow. Special one. Make sure you tune in. Let's finish the week strong.

I'll see you later. Went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze fuck up bowl, fuck up stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got up on bank roll, can't fold just a no head shot case close.

Speaker A
Went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze fuck up bowl, fuck up stove counted millions in the cold bad bitch booted swole got up on bank roll, can't fold just a no head shot case close.

717. Q&AF: The Success Lag, Retaining Customers Vs Handling New Ones & Tackling Crabs In A Bucket Mentality

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1: Introduction

2: Success Lag and Mental Toughness

3: Customer Retention vs. New Customers

4: Overcoming Negativity

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