707. Q&AF: Comparison: The Thief Of Joy, Giving Grace & Passion Vs Aggression

Yeah went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze fuck up bow fuck up stove counted millions in a cold bad bitch booted swole got her own bank roll can't fold dust a no head shot case cloak low. What is up, guys? It's Andy Purcella and this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society. And welcome to motherfucking reality, guys.

Andy Purcella
Today we have a mid weekend Q and A F. That's where you submit the questions and we give you the answers. Now, if you want your questions answered on the show, you can do so a couple different ways. The first way is, guys, email those. Questions in to ask Andy at andy.

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It's where we put topics on the screen. We talk about what's going on in the world. We speculate on what's true, what's not true, and then we talk about how we, the people have to solve these problems going on in the world. Then we have real talk, real talks. Five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk.

And then we have 75 hard verses. That's where someone who has completed the 75 hard program, which is the initial phase of the live hard program, comes on, talks about how their life was a dumpster fire and how they un dumpster fired it using the live hard program and how you can do the same. If you are interested in live hard program, which you should be because it'll change your life, you can get it for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. It's on the audio feed only. It's not on YouTube.

We weren't on YouTube at that time. There is a book on my website called the book on mental Toughness. If you are interested in that, it will give you the entire live hard program, top to bottom, in and out. Gives you all the details, plus ten chapters on mental toughness, why it's important, how to use it, and then some case studies on some very famous people and how they use mental toughness to become the people that you recognize them for. That book is available@andyforsella.com.

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Oh, not much, is I. What's happening with ig? Oh, well, they took my page down for nothing. Jesus. Yeah.

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But, yeah, they're fucking with me, as usual. Free my boy. Yeah, bro. It's. It's.

It's insane, dude. They're going to get worse and worse and worse and whatever, man. Yeah. So, yeah, other than that, man, it's all good. We've been.

I think. Do we got more storms coming in? I don't know, man. Raining its ass off. Yeah, storming, too.

Andy Purcella
Like, not just like steady rain, like, it's like when we get the rain, it's just in a huge, like, storm. And I can't remember the last day we've had, like, a steady day of rain. Nice rain. Yeah. Like, rain's cool.

Yeah, it's. It's not been that. It's been like, just straight up storms. Yeah. And I can't even remember the last day we had a rainy day.

Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. Well, let's get into it. Yeah, let's.

Let's make some people better. Yeah. Guys. Andy, question number one. Andy, I've been told my whole life that comparison is the thief of joy.

But you teach that we're all in a competition in life, whether we realize it or not. Does that statement comparison is a thief of joy have any weight at all? Is there any truth to it or has it just been interpreted wrong? No, I think there's a little bit of truth to it. I think that when you're doing well and you're doing everything you can do and you're kicking ass and you're doing the best that you can do and you're on day one or day 20 or day 30 of your journey, and you're comparing your.

Andy Purcella
And you've been doing everything that you can do and you're comparing yourself to someone who's been doing it for 10, 20, 30 years. Yeah. That's going to take away your joy. Okay? Now, if you compare yourself to, let's say, somebody who's been doing it the same amount of time and they're beating your ass, and then you just look in the mirror and say, well, it's okay, I shouldn't compare myself.

You're going to fucking lose. So there has. There's nuance to every saying. And, you know, everybody on the Internet likes to hear these sayings and then attach a permanent meaning to them. And that's just not the way it works, dude.

There's nuance, there's exceptions, and it's a lot like luck, right? Like, I don't ever talk about luck. And the reason I don't talk about luck is because the minute I talk about luck, all the fucking weak minded pussies say, see, I'm not lucky. And they use it as an excuse the rest of their life. What they don't understand is that, yes, there are breaks that you get, but those breaks come whenever you're prepared, okay?

So when you work hard and you execute and you're doing that day in and day out, day in and day out, day in and day out for a long period of time. Absolutely. There's going to be things that go your way and people are going to say, oh, look at that, luck. And then they use that as an excuse and say, well, that guy's made it because he got that lucky break, not even considering the 20 years or ten years or five years that he put in to get to that point. All right, so this is the same kind of saying.

All these fucking gurus on the Internet like to say, comparison is the thief of joy. Just be happy where you're at. Well, if that's the case, bro, be happy with your little fucking McDonald's cheeseburger, fucking happy meal and your shitty life, living in your fucking basement, and never compare yourself to anyone and think you're okay. If you want to do that and you can live in ignorance and you could be happy doing that, by all means, do it. But that's not what we're about here.

We're about fucking winning. We're about being the best. We're about executing at a high level. And to execute at a high level, it is a very useful thing to look at people who are on the same path as you and compare yourself. That is reality.

If that guy's running a 4540 and I'm a wide receiver and I'm running a four six, guess what? I gotta get fucking faster. Okay? This is the reality of competition. So there is truth to it.

You don't wanna compare yourself to someone who's outside the realm or outside the brackets of reasonable comparison, right? Like, if I am to compare myself, you know, with Jeff Bezos, I'm gonna constantly feel like I'm a piece of shit, right? Because Bezos has been as successful as he has been. But if I compare myself to people in my industry who've chosen the path that I've chosen, I can look at it objectively and say, okay, well, you're doing pretty fucking good. Okay?

Now, eventually, when you get to the top of that game, you have to start comparing yourself to the outside people who are outside the realm of whatever it is you do, because you want to break free of the mold that's been created in the space that you're in. So, like, for now, like now, like, when I compare myself, I don't compare myself to people in my space anymore. I compare myself to fucking Phil Knight. And yeah, that's frustrating for me. But frustrating drives ambition, which drives big action, which drives big results.

So when I look at things and I get frustrated, I don't act like a little bitch and say, oh, fucking I'm so discouraged, I say, fuck. All right, well, that guy's badass. I'm going to have to get a lot better. And that's the attitude of a winner. Winners will compare themselves and look at it and be honest with themselves and say, I got to get better.

Here, here, here. Losers will look at people and compare themselves and be like, oh, fuck, I'm just a loser. And, dude, that's a self fulfilling prophecy, because if you think like that, you're always going to be a loser. Mm hmm. Yeah, I think.

I think most people are. Struggle with the objective. Being able to look at shit objectively like this is just what it is right now. This current situation, like, that's hard for people to process. I think it's hard for people to consider the amount of work, the amount of dedication, the amount of struggle, the amount of pain, the amount of frustration that has occurred to get people where they are when they haven't even gone down the path at all.

Andy Purcella
Right? Like, you look at people, and when you're on day one and you're standing at the bottom of the mountain and you're looking up at Mount Everest and there's some motherfuckers three quarters of the way up there, there's even a guy up there on the top, and you're. You've never climbed a mountain before. Yeah. You're going to be like, fuck, right?

But the way you're going to climb the mountain is the same way they climb the mountain. One step at a time, okay? And if you can't do one step at a time, then you're going to have to improve your skill set about moving up the mountain. So I don't buy into this feel good, idealist nonsense about trying to be happy all the time and trying to be in Zen mode and trying to feel peace all the time. Bro, if you're happy all the time and you have peace all the time and you have no frustration, no anxiety, you're not going to have any driver ambition either.

You're not going to have any reason to change. You're going to be sitting on your couch getting the same shit you're getting out. And if that's what you want, cool. But don't pretend like you want more. Don't bitch about why you don't have more.

Just accept your life and say, this is what I want. I'm happy here, and you'll be happy. Stop consuming my content. Stop consuming content that wants you to get better, that pushes you to be better, that calls you out on your bullshit. Because all that's going to do is piss you off and make you unhappy.

Unsubscribe, go away. Go look at the fucking butterfly pages and shut the fuck up. That's what needs to happen, okay? Like, just accept where you are. Now, if you're a driven person, I would absolutely be comparing myself to other people.

That's just reality. And I don't believe in this fucking shit that all these dudes preach. You know, everybody's in this hurry to feel fucking good. You shouldn't feel good all the time, bro. You should feel good when you're doing the things you know you should be doing.

If you don't fucking feel good, it's because you're not doing the shit you should be doing. You shouldn't just accept it and say, oh, well, it is what it is. You know, that's life. That's what we deal with in today's society. We deal with a bunch of pussyfied opinions about peace and harmony and touching the grass and fucking, dude, it's just, it's victim culture to the max and it's like, motherfuckers.

You wonder why you can't get anywhere. It's because you're soft as fuck. You're trying to get something that you can't even get. You think you can feel peaceful all the time and still achieve things. You think you can feel no frustration all the time and still improve your situation?

You can't. So let's stop with this bullshit. If you're an ambitious person, you want to change the trajectory of your fucking family tree, you're going to have frustrating times. You're going to have, uh, angering times. You're gonna have doubtful times.

You're gonna have big tests in life. You're gonna have disruption. You're not gonna have peace very often. These are the realities of pursuing a bigger purpose and a bigger mission in your life. And if you wanna be what you are now and continue to degrade over the course of your life from here to the end of it, just go fucking do something else.

Stop pretending like you want it. Cause you don't, you know, one last. Piece I wanna hit on, man. Cause you mentioned it. I feel like also too, man.

It's hard for people to kind of comprehend that, that climb because they're not really able to. They didn't see them actually climb. They just see the. No, they think this dude got dropped off by a helicopter, right? See that guy three quarters?

Andy Purcella
He only got there cuz he fucking. He had to just take a helicopter. He jumped, right? He jumped from the bottom to top, because he's lucky to have this skill set, you know what I'm saying? He got lucky.

His parents owned a helicopter. That's what it was, you know? And now you didn't climb the 30,000 steps. Yeah, he was. He's LeBron James's kid.

He can jump 400 yards. He bounded up the mountain like Bambi. Like, fuck, dude. Yeah, I mean, but does that, does that give you any, like, like, mental clarity, though, looking at it like that? Like, just knowing that people won't really see the input, they just see the outputs?

I don't care what people see. Why the fuck you care what people see? Why you care has nothing to do with them. Most of the people you know right now, you're not going to know in five years what difference does it fucking make? Who cares what they fucking think?

You should be worried about taking that step and that next step and that next step. And eventually you get halfway up the mountain, and there'll be a whole bunch of other people that are also halfway up the mountain, and those people will become your friends. And all the fuckers that fucking didn't get it, they'll still be at the bottom of the mountain eating fucking hot pockets. Yeah, that's real shit, man. I love it.

I love it, guys. Andy, question number two. Andy, my question is, how do you, how do you personally decide who and when to give grace to? Is it based on the individual person in your life or the act that was committed? I understand people relay their own individual struggles through responses, but I do believe that you should always trust the snake to do what a snake does, and that's bite.

Appreciate all that you do. What's your thoughts on this, man? You know, that's a, that's a nuanced question. There's all different circumstances and conditions that go to play when you want to give someone grace. You know, when you're humble enough to admit that you have made a lot of the same mistakes and a lot of mistakes in your life, you know, I think as you get older, you start to have more grace for people because you've made all these mistakes.

Andy Purcella
When I was younger, in my twenties, I was very judgmental. When I was in my thirties, I was a little less judgmental. And now I'm less judgmental even then. And it's because it's hypocritical if you have a strong character to judge people for things that you have done yourself or mistakes that you've made, or even kind of similar. So I think, you know, that plays into it.

I also think what plays into it is the intent. Did the person intend to do this? Or was it. Was it just a misunderstanding? And I also think the.

The amount of times the person has done it, have they done this five different times? Cause if they've done it five different times, it's not something that. That they feel bad about or that's a mistake. It's just what they're doing. That's a decision.

Yeah, that's right. And, dude, you know, like, that's probably best to, like, separate yourself from someone like that if they're doing something that violates your code of ethics. You know what I mean? So I think there's a lot of things, but I think more importantly, dude, people struggle with forgiving themselves. I think that's where people really struggle.

I don't think it's like giving grace with other people. I think it's with giving grace with yourself. And I had a good conversation with one of my friends about this a few weeks ago, but, you know, the way you look at forgiving yourself is if your friend came to you and said, hey, man, I did this and this and this, and I feel really bad about it, and I don't want to do this again. How would you handle it? Most of us, if it was a good friend, would say, well, fuck, dude, dj, that's pretty fucking stupid.

I shouldn't done that shit, bro. But, hey, don't do it again, man. It's all right. You know, we'll figure it out. Yeah.

And if you can talk to yourself like that, you know, it's easier to forgive yourself. We tend, especially high achievers, tend to judge themselves much harder than they do everybody else because they hold themselves to a higher standard. So it's very hard for people who are driven, ambitious, who have high standards to forgive themselves when they make mistakes because quite honestly, they think they're better than everybody else. All right? And that's.

That's what it comes down to. Well, that's some evidence based stuff, too, though, right? Like, I mean, the scoreboards. Yeah. Right.

No, it's not. I can understand. Look, bro. Look, dude, like, that's a whole nother fucking bullshit topic. Oh.

You know better than anybody. I don't know, man. Like, I'm better at a lot of things. Yeah. I might not be more valuable as a human being, as a human life.

I can agree with that. Like, you don't rescue turtles on the weekends. Yeah. But I can tell you this. I'm better than you in pretty much every fucking area, you know what I'm saying?

Not you, but I I'm just saying. Yeah, in these situations, you know, this whole thing of, like, these losers coming around. What, do you think you're better than me? I'm like, yeah, yeah. Like, yes, of course.

But you're saying that's because you hold yourself accountable to that standard. Right? Right. Okay. Yeah, but like, dude, you know, I think, you know, Grace comes down to a couple things.

Andy Purcella
You know, I think, you know, you got to understand that you've made mistakes. You got to understand, you know, what the intent was. You gotta understand, you know, how frequently is the behavior. You know, there's all kinds of things that play into that, man. And I think, you know, it just depends on the situation.

It just does. It sounds like what you're saying is that this idea of grace is really just a matter of perspective. Yeah, I think so. You know what I'm saying? Cause, like, it's weird.

Cause, like, I'm thinking about this in my own self and how I look at Grace, right? And, like, for me, I'm at a stage where it's like, I don't give a fuck what the intention was, what was the effect, what was the outcome. Yeah, but you're also in your twenties. That's how I was saying, so I get to pre, like, I don't. Motherfucker.

Andy Purcella
When I was in my twenties, I was a savage motherfucker. Someone stepped on my toes, bro. I cracked their fucking skull. Yeah. So, like, not, not literally.

Well, sometimes, but you know what I'm saying? But, like, bro, that's a different mentality because you don't have the perspective of a lifetime of fuck ups. You know what I mean? So I just think there's a lot of nuance there. I also think there's a case to be made for karma.

Like, when you, when someone does something, you know, that's going to cause a reaction back to them, and you stand in the way of it and absorb that reaction, you're keeping them from learning a lesson that would be valuable to them for the rest of their life. So I think there's something to be said there, too. Like, you're trying to give them grace. When in reality they need to learn their lesson. They need that.

Yeah. Yeah. You know? Yeah, that's real. You know, like, we see this a lot with finances, right?

Andy Purcella
Like, every family's got that fucking weirdo cousin or, or irresponsible member of the family who always needs money, right? And because you love them. You give them, you know, two, three, $500, a $1,000 whenever, you know, whenever you can. But the problem with that is, is that they never learn how to be responsible with their money. And what they actually learn is no different than when you feed a stray cat.

They know where to go when they're in a hard situation. And so sometimes you have to say, hey, fuck you, man. Get your fucking ass to work. That's the best lesson that you could give them. You know what I mean?

Love you, but fuck you. Well, that's, that's, that's real love, dude. Like, real love is saying, hey, you need to get shit together, bro. I'm not helping you. Mm hmm.

Andy Purcella
You know I'm saying so, but I just think there's so much nuance. There's not a clear cut answer to that.

Yeah, that's just what I think. Yeah. Yeah, I like that, man. I like that. Well, guys, get to question number three.

Andy. Andy. Hey, Andy. Hey, Andy, I know you're a passionate. Hey, don't do that.

Andy Purcella
Hi. But people were dying at my store yesterday. No, they weren't. Oh, no, they were. They were when we got in the truck.

Oh, yeah, right. You mean when I made you wet. Come on. They were laughing at that one I had. Listen, I got, like, one of my buddies, he's a hardcore biker, right?

He's like, I got three unopened messages, and I know they're from that. I ain't even opening, Jake. I can't even recover out of this. Guys, let's get to question number three. Andy, Andy, I know you're a passionate man.

And I've been told by my colleagues, family members, and girlfriends that, plural, that I'm too aggressive. Even though in many of the situations I don't feel or think that I'm being aggressive, I like to think that I'm a passionate man. I like things done right, but perhaps I really am an asshole. Do you have any practical tips for coming off as more professional or considerate? How can you set standards or provide feedback without coming off as an asshole?

Is that part of that necessary to do? Like, how do, how do we do this? You need to understand that holding a standard and setting the pace and having people held accountable is perceived as asshole no matter how you do it. Okay. And you could be the kindest person in the world.

Andy Purcella
They're gonna be like, what? A dick. Okay, so. So, like, bro, it doesn't matter. Your delivery, that's the problem.

It's the fucking people. That's the problem. And it's the culture that's the problem. We live in a culture where people do not like to be held accountable. They do not like to live to a standard.

And when you point out that they don't live to a standard, they call it abuse or harassment or some sort of crazy shit. We live in the softest fucking society that's ever existed in the human history. These people get food whenever they want it. They don't have to hunt and kill anything. They don't have to fight for anything.

They don't even fucking get dirty, dude. They got a hot shower. They got unlimited water. They got fucking 5000 channels of entertainment. Like, bro, we live in a total weak, pussified society that anytime you try to hold someone accountable, they.

They have a problem with it. Okay? So it's not your delivery, dude. And by the way, if your delivery is overly aggressive, fucking people will probably learn not to do that shit. You know what I'm saying?

Like, I don't. I don't buy into that, bro. Like, people should hear the message, not the delivery. That's how professionals behave. That's how people work.

That's how shit gets done. That's how winning teams play. You guys got to understand, dude, winning is not for everybody. Winning is only for people who can understand what it actually takes. Most people aren't going to understand that.

So when you try to hold them to a standard, no matter if you whisper it in their fucking ear, they're not going to fucking hear it. Right? Okay, so I was told all those same things. You're too aggressive, the way you talk. I don't like the way you talk to me.

I don't do this. Look where the fuck we are. You like that? Do you like that? Do you like that?

Do you like getting a fuck? Do you like living in a fucking million dollar house? $2 million house? Do you like that? Do you like getting paid?

What the fuck you get paid. Do you like that? You like the car you drive? You? Oh, I like.

You like all those things, right? Well, then fuck how I deliver the message. That's what I think. It's real shit, man. It also makes me think, too, bro.

Like, I mean, if people be real honest with themselves and, like, look back, the people that I, like, have the most respect for in my life were. The hardest on you. They've always been the hardest people. My best coaches, bro. Like, he's a.

Like, he takes zero. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Because he knows that you guys will fucking.

Andy Purcella
They give you an inch, you'll take 10 miles. Like when you've been around the block a fucking hundred times. You know that? Yeah. So you have to be stern.

You have to be hard. Now, does that mean you gotta walk in the room and be like, fuck all you lazy motherfuckers? No, you don't have to do that, but you do have to be firm in your ability to hold a line. And when people don't fucking toe the line, you gotta tell them, and they're not gonna like that. Nobody likes being told, hey, man, that's.

That's bullshit. Nobody likes that. You know, I used to have to yell and scream to get that point across, but I don't anymore. I just say it, and people fucking get it. You see what I'm saying?

I think there's something too, also, bro. Like, the reason that I have so much respect for the. You know, those people in my life that were the hardest on me is because at the same time, I also understand that they actually gave a f. No, bro, it's the intent. Right?

Andy Purcella
It's the intent that is the key to making your delivery work, no matter what it is. Do you intend to make that person better, or are you yelling at them because you want to fucking get something for yourself? Do you want them to win, or are you trying to get you to win? Or do you really just. Are you fucking yelling at them because they didn't fucking run hard enough so that you could get your fucking bonus?

Or are you yelling at them because you know they're fucking better and they should be doing way better for themselves? The intent matters, and people know the intent. And when you deliver a message, no matter if it's on stage, one on one, no matter what, if your intent is correct and that person knows, like, hey, motherfucker, I care about you. If they know that you can say anything you want, however you want, whatever you want, and if you're a little too hard, you come back an hour later, you say, hey, I was heated. I didn't mean to deliver it that way, but I meant, what the fuck?

I said, we got to do better. And you know what they'll say every time. No, bro, I got it. Yeah. You see what I'm saying?

So having that intent be correct is the biggest piece to this working. If. But I could tell you this. Even when you're intense, right, you're going to run into a lot of people that are straight up pussies, bro. They're just straight up pussies.

They're not. Those people are not going to fit on your team. They're not worth trying to save, that you don't want them in your organization. They're going to spread cancer. And that's what it is.

And also, I say this. You have to be smart with your communication, and be understanding of where you are in the fucking hierarchy with how you communicate. You walk into your boss's office and you start doing that shit, you ain't gonna have a job. You're Mikey fired. Okay?

The 48 laws of power. Go read law number one. You never wanna outshine your superior. Okay? And that's what that's about.

You don't wanna come in, talking that shit. You gotta have respect. You gotta deliver it respectfully. Because I get a feel. Did that guy say how old he was?

No. I get a feeling that that guy is not at the top of the food chain, and people are saying you're being an asshole. And if that's the case, you're probably gonna get fired over and over and over again. So it depends on where you are in the hierarchy. However, if I have someone who's in the mid level or the lower level, and they're just.

Andy Purcella
They're just respectful, but also hold a standard that's extremely valuable. Extremely valuable. I have a guy who works here in the company who. And I'm not going to say his name, we hired him. And on his second or third day here, we.

We. He was just a new guy and he saw somebody. That was his super. This is like seven years ago, okay. He saw someone who was his superior do something fucked up.

Okay? That was not. Not what we were supposed to do. And this guy's so literal. He went and got the write up pad and wrote up.

His superior brought it into the office. Okay. But he did so in a nice way. And we all loved it. We're like, this guy's awesome.

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? So there's a difference there. Yes. His intent was right.

Andy Purcella
Hey, man, we're not holding the line. This is what you told me to do. So that's what he did. And I loved it. I thought it was great.

Yeah, it was awesome. That's great, man. True story. Those people. Yeah.

You want those people? Yeah, bro. People that just care. Yeah. I love it, man.

All right, we're at 27. Yeah. We're gonna wrap it up. Cause I got some shit I gotta do. Okay, well, guys.

Andy. Yeah. Nice and short, to the point today. And we'll see you tomorrow with some CTI. Yeah.

Went from sleeping on the floor now. My jury box froze. Fuck up bow. Fuck up stove. Counted millions in the cold.

Bad bitch. Booted swole got her own bank roll. Can't fold dust. A no head shot case close.

A no head shot case close.

707. Q&AF: Comparison: The Thief Of Joy, Giving Grace & Passion Vs Aggression

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1: Introduction

2: The Nuance of Comparison

3: Understanding Grace

4: Passion versus Aggression

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