702. Q&AF: Jack Of All Trades, Time Off After High School & Getting Through Dark Times

Yeah went from sleeping on the flow now my jury box froze fuck up bow fuck up stove counted millions in a cold bad bitch booted swole got her own bank roll can't fold just a no head shot case cloak low. What is up, guys? It's Andy for Sella. And this is the show for the realists. Say goodbye to the lies, the fakeness and delusions of modern society.

Andy Frisella
And welcome to motherfucking reality, guys. Today we have Q and Af. That's where you submit the questions and I give you the answers. Now you can submit your questions a few different ways to be answered on the show. The first way is, guys, you can email those questions into askandyforsella.com dot.

Second way is you go on YouTube in the comments section on the QNF episodes and ask some questions in there. We'll pick some from there as well. Gonna skip all the other no, I'm not. Actually. Tomorrow we're gonna have CTI, that stands for cruise the Internet.

That's where we talk about what's going on in the world. We speculate on what's true, what's not true. We make some jokes, we have some fun, and then we talk about how we, the people have to solve the problems going on in the world. Other times you're going to have real talk. Real talk is just five to 20 minutes of me giving you some real talk.

And then we have 75 hard verses. Now 75 hard verses is where we bring people in, maybe you, to come on the show and talk about how your life was before 75 hard and how it is now. Usually it's pretty sucky and then it gets a lot less sucky. And if you're unfamiliar with the 75 hard program, it is the initial phase of the live Hard program, which you can get for free at episode 208 on the audio feed only there is a book, the book on mental toughness, available on my website@andyversella.com, and if you're unfamiliar with the 75 hard program, it is the world's largest mental transformation program ever. And it's free so you don't need the book.

The book is very helpful. People enjoy it. We sell a ton of them. They're usually out of stock. But if you go on there you can pre order it.

But you don't need to. You could just get the program for free at episode 208 on the audio feed. You're going to notice we don't have ads on the show. That means I don't want to take orders from people who are paying me to represent their products. So I don't do ads.

Probably one of the only podcasts in the world doesn't do that. And in exchange for that, I just ask, very simply that you help us get the word out. We're constantly battling shadow bands and. And all the stuff going on in the world. And so if you think the message is good, if you think it's valuable, if it makes you think, if it makes you laugh, it gives you a new perspective, teaches you some skills, which hopefully will teach you some today.

All I ask is that you please get the word out and share the show. So don't be a hoe. Show the show. All right. What's up, dude?

DJ
What's going on with you, man? Nothing, man. Yeah. Just training and. Fake entrepreneur.

Andy Frisella
Hey, are we gonna play that? Are we gonna play the conversation before the show? We should. All right. That in position, right?

Call me a fake entrepreneur. Two hour and 49 minutes. All right, let's do this.

What? Nothing, bro. I got real job, man. This is my fucking side gig. Hey, listen, what I'm just saying, playing entrepreneur, man.

DJ
I get it. Yeah.

Fuck you.

Andy Frisella
All right, ready? Yes, sir. If I was playing entrepreneur, I have a $997 coaching program. That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

That's normally $15,000, but today, just for you, it's $997. That's right. I've only got five spots.

All right, ready? All right. And he's out here playing entrepreneur and shit. Oh, yeah. I was late.

Yeah. All right, so these guys, we're supposed to record an hour and 49 minutes ago. Yep. And I was out there having to do stuff for my real job. Forgot he had to podcast, but forgot he was a youtuber, bro.

Dude, I forgot. I forgot that this is my main job, bro. Come on. You know what I'm saying? So the guys.

The guys are giving me a little heat. It is what it is. Yeah. It's all good, man. It happens.

DJ
It happens, man. What's going on? Yeah, we're training. Good. You know what it is?

What is it? It's my CPT. What? CPT, Andy. It's colored people time.

Andy Frisella
What? I am part black, 12%. Yeah. So there's obviously a part of me that has that. Is that a real thing or not?

DJ
Oh, it's a real thing. What's it called? Yeah, it's called color people time. Okay. Why can't I say that?

Andy Frisella
If I'm twelve, you could say it's. You said it. I know I said it. How to feel a little weird.

I'm not too comfortable with it yet. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. I mean, is that against the rules?

DJ
No, no, no. Okay. But, yeah, man. So it's not against the rules? No.

That's a fair game. I mean, you are the approval. Let me call my board real quick. Call the official board.

What's up, niggas? Hey, quick question.

Andy Frisella
Oh, man. Wait. 12%. He's 12%. Okay.

DJ
The ten is the cut. Yeah, you're good. All right. 10%. All right.

Andy Frisella
I got official approval. You're good, man. All right.

DJ
What else is going on, man? Nothing, man. Yeah. You know, dude, how about these storms, bro? They're pretty serious today, dude.

They're like, I'm sick of it. I got an 18 foot circumference hole in my backyard right now. And why do you have that? The pool? Yeah.

Andy Frisella
Still didn't throw this thing away. It's been raining. Nobody can fucking come out the fucking. It's like a pig sty back there. We have gotten a lot of, like, hard storms.

Yeah. They got harp on full blast. Yeah. No, can we say that? Can we say harp?

Andy Frisella
Yeah. Harps. Fine. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

We mean, like, musical harp. Yeah, musical. They got the musical heart. Makes it rain.

Yeah. Fuck, man. It's been bad, though, man. Dude, it has been a very stormy spring. But it's weird, too, cuz, like, bro, I remember, like, what was it last year?

DJ
Or was it the year before where it's, like, this time we were having ice storms and shit? Oh, yeah, we did. Outside. Yeah, that's the midwest, dude. It's the midwest, you know.

Andy Frisella
Yeah, it's this time of year. And then also in fall, man, you gotta, like, leave the house with different sorts of clothes. Cause you never know what it's gonna be. Yeah, it's real shit. But what's going on with you, man?

You training. Training. Getting to. Man's getting back in it. Getting back into it.

DJ
Making some quick changes already, man. You get a. You've been hitting. This is the second week in a row you haven't missed miss on Sunday. Yeah, I did miss Sunday.

Andy Frisella
Yeah. After you told me you were gonna be here, I was here. CPT, bro. Shit happened. Yours must be a lot more severe than mine.

Cause you never fucking showed up. I'm up here trying. I'm like, all right, dj's gonna be here any minute. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

You said you would be here at noon. Yeah, I waited till, like. No, I said it would be afternoon. You said it would be about noon afternoon. No, see, that's black people.

DJ
Talk. So when. So you got a, like plus, like, probably like a day after. Anything after. Yeah, just write it off.

Andy Frisella
I waited till, like, two, and then I'm like, all right. I got trained, so just know I waited. I had to take two servings of pre workout. Cause I got. I got hyped, and then it went down.

I had to take another one. I'm sorry. Yeah, it's all good picture, Andy. I imagine you were saying you were, like me waiting for my dad to pick me up from soccer practice. Oh, shit.

Dj forgot about me. Oh, man. So what we got today, man? Hey, man, we're gonna make some people better. We're gonna make some people better.

That. That's the plan. That's. That's. I say this.

Andy Frisella
I know the people are rooting for you to get your shit together in your training. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of love. Yeah, dude, I'm getting DM's about it.

People are pumped. Yeah, a lot of love. And they want to see the ribs. And dick, but they don't know that's on your own. Show them one of them.

It's on your only fans can't show both. Show you one.

Which ain't the ribs.

Andy Frisella
All right, let's do something, guys. Andy, question number one. Let's dive into these. Question number one. Andy, what's going on?

DJ
Andy? I'm currently 25. Yeah, hey.

I'm currently 24 years old, and I work at a machine shop. I also do side work at a farm for extra cash and other miscellaneous side gigs I can get. So he sells drugs on the side, is what he says. Miscellaneous. That means drug dealer straight to jail.

He says, I will be attending trade school to become an electrician in the fall. For the next two years, I have zero debt, and I try to diversify and allocate my money into the right spots to not only preserve what I have, but to also multiply it and build wealth. My question is, I feel like I have a lot going on, and I constantly have new ideas that I want to pursue just because I am a curious person and I would like to be the jack of all trades. How would you handle the fact that you want to try so many new things and become more valuable and can't tie down to one thing? Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my time thinking about so many different ideas.

I love all that you guys do. I will keep supporting and watching the show. All right. So I really appreciate the hustle. I appreciate the willingness to do all these things.

Andy Frisella
I think that's a great thing to have that ambition and have that drive and be willing to be curious and learn. And if you're going to do those things in your twenties is the right time. So I'm not going to sit here and say that that's a bad thing, but I want you to keep something in mind. The reason most people don't succeed is because they can't pick something, all right? And because they can't pick something, they are unable to invest the time and the energy and the effort to become a master of it, right?

A jack of all trades, but a master of none. That's the saying. And that's true. And so you have to consider that you will be competing against people who have chosen one of those things as their main thing. And it's a very arrogant thought and a misguided thought to believe that you can beat someone even if they're not as skilled as you, with only a percentage of your work ethic and your energy, if they're going all in.

So I think it's okay that you're kind of exploring. And I think it's okay that you are curious and you want to know because, like, dude, you don't want to make a decision, then hate it, right? And by the way, if that does happen, it's not a total waste. Not a total waste because you're going to learn, right? You're going to learn skill sets.

And you can take those skill sets and apply them somewhere else. Like for example, if you're making fucking hamburgers right now or you're making fries right now, you should be making the best hamburgers out of everybody else that you work with. And you should be making the best fucking fries. And why that matters is because you're cultivating the mentality and the habit forming of creating things at a high level and doing whatever task it is at a high level. So if you happen to be sweeping the floors right now, sweep the fuck out of those floors and make them perfect, because that skill of doing things the right way will follow you to whatever it is that you go to.

But with that being said, we want to try and waste as little time as possible into things that aren't going to be our thing. And most people at 24 years old don't necessarily know exactly what they're going to do. I didn't know at 24 years old, even though I was already five years into my business, that this was going to be the thing that I did forever. But as I accumulated more knowledge and more experience, it made sense for me to continue. And there were things that I really enjoyed.

For example, one of the things that I really love that I get to do every single day is I get to legitimately help people change their bodies, change their minds, change their lives, and that's very rewarding outside of the money made from it. So I got sort of lucky in that. And I use that term very loosely because when a lot of people hear luck, they. They start to make excuses. Well, you didn't get.

He got lucky. No, I didn't have an option, and that was the lucky part of it. I had to keep going, and that allowed me to become a master of what I do. So my advice to you would be to try to figure out what it is you want to do as quickly as possible and then go all in on that and remove the rest of the shit. Okay.

Because you don't want to be a jack of all trades and a master of none. Because what that equates to is you not being competitive in the field that you're in, and that equates to you not having very much money in your bank account. All right? So. And if you're older, if you're 30, or if you're in your forties, it's very important that you get that solved quickly because you have less time than the 24 year old or the 19 year old to sort of discover.

Right. So choosing what we want to do is a hard decision. But if we make an educated guess about where we want to be and what we want to do and what we want our life to look like, and we consider the fact of what we enjoy and what has the potential to actually become a very profitable and lucrative career. Now we're in a situation to make an educated guess at what we want to do. And so you start down this path, and you're able to be competitive because you're putting all your energy in that and, you know, you're able to maybe beat some of the other people, that because you're better, you're putting more experience or you're putting in more work or you're learning more.

If you got a better coach or a better mentor, that's actually done what. It is that you want to do. Not one of these fucking dumb fucks out here that lies about everything. Those people can collapse your timeframe on becoming an expert. The point is, you want to make your choice as quickly as possible.

You want to go all in as quickly as possible, because it's going to take that all in effort to be competitive in the marketplace. So that would be my advice to a 24 year old. Now, if I were to give this advice to a 34 year old or a 44 year old, it would maybe be, hey, motherfucker, you need to stop fucking around and pick the thing you're going to do or you ain't going to have the fucking time to do it. You see what I'm saying? So there.

There's as you go. And by the way, if you're 34 or you're 44 and you're just getting started, that's okay, too. But you better find someone who's done what the fuck it is you're trying to do so that they can collapse your timeframe and get you on the path as quick as possible. So as you age, the pressure to make the decision to go all in becomes more and more crucial because of the lack of time that we have on the back end. So that.

That would be my answer. That, young man. I love that. A couple things on this. You know, people always say, you know that saying of jack of all trades is a master of none, but, like, there's a second part of that that says, but a master of one is still better than a master of none, right?

DJ
And so, like, to your point, like, you're still gonna get beat out by somebody who went in? Who went all in. Yeah, bro, look, you know, one thing. Look, dude, is this impossible? There's very fucking few people.

Andy Frisella
So here's. This is the fallacy of the Internet, right? You see all these fucking coaches who've never built a motherfucking thing. All these guys wanting to be podcasters and speakers and entrepreneurial authorities, and they sell courses on shit they never did. They're not effective entrepreneurs.

Their whole income stream is to sell other people shit that, you know, they didn't actually do. Right? So a lot of these sayings go around the Internet that are. That are highly misleading. And one of them is the average entrepreneur has seven screens.

Or the average millionaire has seven streams of income. Yeah. After they've already mastered the one thing that's made them a millionaire, then they would do something called diversification, and you would apply the skill sets that you know as being an entrepreneur and being successful in one thing to parallel things. Okay? So, like, when you hear the average millionaire has seven streams of income, they didn't get to the millionaire by having seven streams at the beginning.

They got there because they mastered one thing, and then they were making money, so they diversified into other things. And usually when you go and look at these people's multiple income streams, they are very parallel to what they did the first time because those skill sets are applicable to each category. So, for example, my skill set is brand building and. And fulfillment and selling CPG goods direct to the consumer. Now, I do that with cannabis, I do that with tequila, I do that with, you know, I help with all these other things that are all the skill sets all aligned right?

Like, you don't ever find these entrepreneurs who are like, you know, they did one thing and then all of a su, like, they didn't just do a CPG brand, and then all of a sudden they're a restaurant or, right, or they're a fucking. I don't know, they. Own a, some sort of concrete company. Like, usually open up a laundromat. Yeah.

Usually you take the skill sets that you have and you apply them to parallel type situations, which allows you to scale very quickly in these other brands. But this, this whole idea of, I'm going to, you know, have seven streams of income when I'm 19 years old, and that's what's. No, because you're going to lose that way because you're competing against people who are putting all their energy in the one thing and you're not. So it's impossible to compete like that. Does that make sense?

DJ
Absolutely. So, like, when I look at businesses, like, I was talking to Hermozy about this just the other day, and I was like, Brian, I want to fucking start. I got the issue. Like, start something up again. Like, I love the startup phase.

Andy Frisella
I love going from zero to, like, you know, eight figures. Like, that's. I really love that part of the process. And him and I were chatting back and forth, and he was like, well, what do you think? And I'm like, I don't know, something that fits in my range of skill set, right?

And you have to be aware enough of what that skill set is. So as you develop your first thing, you're going to figure out what is my strong points and what do I know and what am I good at? What am I better than everybody else at? And then you take those things and you apply them to this next thing and that next thing, that next thing. Or you vertically integrate off of the things that you're already doing.

Like, a lot of the stuff I do is vertical integration, offshoots of what we do as our main thing. So, but this idea that you're going to read this meme, it says average millionaire has seven streams of income, but they don't have that until they've already made it in one thing. Because to make it in one thing, the first thing requires everything you have. So if you read that the wrong way, you know, we see a lot of these younger guys on the Internet saying, I do this, I got seven businesses. I got ten businesses.

Yeah, but you ain't making it none of them. You know what I mean? Right. So having a business, having an LLC, having a, you know, that's not, that's not that. That doesn't matter.

It's how much money are you fucking making? You know what I mean? So, so, yeah, dude, it's. It's very easy for me to see this where I'm at, right? At 40.

I'm 44 years old now, 25 years in business since I was 19. In the same business, not in fucking business. Like, I started a bunch and they failed. Right, right. I haven't had a business fail since I was 19 years old.

All of them have fucking won. So when we, when we look at. Actually, that's not true. I did have one that failed, but we'll talk about that another time. But the point is, is that it's very easy for me to see how this works, and it's very hard for the young person to see how it works.

So, you know, go back and listen this question a few times. If you're just getting started, but just remember, you're not going to be able to get great at the one thing that's going to make you all the money if you're spreading your effort across multiple things where this person's already learned the main things that they need to do. So that's like competing against someone who spends all their time playing basketball and you think you're going to be as good as them, but you're also bowling and you're playing baseball and you're playing hockey and you're wrestling and you're playing football and you're practicing all this shit. I mean, I think it's pretty safe to say that the guy who practices all of his time in basketball is going to beat your ass. And that's the same in business.

So you need to think about it like that. I love it. I love it, man. Well, guys, Andy, question number two. Andy, I graduate high school in two weeks.

DJ
A lot of my friends are talking about taking a gap year, which is basically, they take a year off from work or take a year off from going to college and find themselves. In other words, they live off the parents and party and don't do shit. I'm good. Let them. Yeah, it's a year you can get ahead of them.

Andy Frisella
Now. I'm definitely going to college. I want to be a lawyer. These friends do listen to the show, not as much as I do. But can you give them some real advice on why this gap year would be a bad idea or as bad as I think it would be for them?

DJ
Appreciate you, big dog. All right. Yeah, I'll give you a bunch of ideas. One, you're. You're going to be lazy as fuck, so you're going to get out of the habits of doing the work every day, which most people never get back into.

Andy Frisella
Two, by not paying attention to what's going on. Business and the society and everything that's going on in terms of having a career is changing so fast that when you come back and you start paying attention again, you're gonna be way behind. Three, the people who don't take a gap year automatically, a year ahead of you automatically. And I know you think, well, it doesn't matter if they're actually a year ahead of me. No, it actually does.

Okay, so there's three reasons now. Are there benefits taking a gap year? I don't know. Maybe, like, you could go to Europe. Like, I went to Europe when I graduated high school.

I went. I went, but I didn't take a whole year off. It was a fucking year. I just went for a few weeks, and it was awesome. But I think the most dangerous thing about this gap year is that it breaks the routine of you having to be productive, which is a habit, which is very, very important, especially if you're going to go on to build a career.

Now, a lot of people aren't going to college, but clearly, you know, if you're going to be a lawyer, you know, some states, they let you take the bar without it, but it's probably a good idea to go to college, right, if you're going to be a lawyer. Uh, but if you're not going to be something that requires a professional degree like that, you. You should automatically go into the workforce, because most companies aren't even looking for degrees anymore. They're not looking for indoctrinated employees. Like, honestly, like, when people apply here with their college degree, I almost don't want to hire them because I know they've been fed a bunch of fucking bullshit.

So I'm not saying this because you don't want to take the gap year so that you can go to college right away. I'm saying this is. That it's. That's a valuable year for you to get ahead of all your peers, if you choose to go hard right away. I started my business at 19 years old, all right?

I went to one year of college, and I was like, man, this ain't for me. And then I kept going to college. When I first started my business and I got three years in, I'm like, nah, fuck this. These people are stupid. I learned it for myself, but it just depends on what you want to do.

If you want to be a doctor, you got to go to school. If you want to be a lawyer, it's a pretty good idea to go to school. You want to be an engineer, you probably got to go to school. But if you're just going to school to go to school, don't. Don't get yourself in that situation.

DJ
I think there's something, too, about putting. Off the reality of the world, right? Like, there's something to be said that. I mean, I feel like, you know, people leaving high school, you're in the real world now, right? Like, your decisions, like, that's when your decisions start having real consequences.

In the real world, you're viewed as an adult, right? And to try to put that off and delay that, it's like you're slowly ripping the band aid off. It's like, no, just rip the shit off and get out there. I'm saying. Yeah, well, I mean, I know it was that way for you because you didn't have.

Andy Frisella
You didn't have a. I bet you were right out on your own. Oh, at 17? Yeah. No, not everybody's like that.

You know, people do have parents that take care of them. Like the guy said in the question. Yeah. If you were my kid, I would tell you this. I would say, hey, it's okay to go see the world, take a trip for two weeks, do whatever you got to do, but let's fucking get after it right now.

Because your peers and the people you're competing against, they're going to be not only taking a year off, they're going to be fucking off for four more years in college, and then they're going to try to figure out what they do. I would say, hey, let's get to work building something right now. And that way we've got a four or five year head start on all these other fuckers. And it's a valuable head. It's a valuable time because you can't get that head start really, any other time in life.

Yeah. So that's my take on it. If you were my son, that's what I would say, but you ain't so yeah. Yeah. I love it.

DJ
All right, well, guys, Andy, our third and final question. Andy, I want to start by saying I hate the victimhood mentality just as much as the next person. It's low hanging fruit, in my opinion. I feel like people with real struggles and real hardships don't really speak on those things publicly or not. I know that life happens to everyone.

Things happen. Death, sicknesses, etcetera. My question is, when you have found yourself in those dark times in your life, what have you found to be the best way to get through them? I feel like a lot of people suffer in silence and don't know how to get out of the suffering without feeling like they are a part of the victim mentality. Bullshit.

How do we handle this? Look, man, you're gonna have bad times. You're gonna have hard times. Everybody has them, okay? It's called fucking life.

Andy Frisella
Here's the thing. When hard times come, when bad shit happens, most people lay down and they stop trying. They go and they curl up in a little ball in the shower and they fucking cry and they boohoo about their life. And a lot of times that's justified, all right? Your.

Your child could die. You could lose a sibling, you could your parents, who knows lots of shit, okay? And it's okay to be upset. That's not what I'm saying. But what I am saying is if you wallow in that for the next fucking five years and you concentrate on just that, and you always talk about that and you always focus on that, you can't move through it effectively.

So the way to move through hard. Times, which are gonna happen, bro, nobody is immune to them. And you're correct, people who go through really hard shit usually don't bitch about it. They just fucking eat it. And the way that those people get through it is that they control the things they can control.

Andy Frisella
Okay? What can you control? You can control the most important things that affect your daily life every single day. You can't control your environment. You can't control what's going to happen.

You can't control what God's going to do. You can't control these tragedies. These are going to happen. You can't control a bad economy. You can't control a fire burning down your house.

You can't control these things. But what you can control is that you can control what you eat. You control how you move your body, you control what you put in your mind. You can control how you treat people, you control your attitude, you control all of these things. And those things are the most important things to your daily state of mind and your daily state of being, okay?

If you're eating well and you're drinking water and you're putting good things in your mind and you're continuing to make progress, you're going to feel much better than the person who's just wallowing in their hardship, all right? And not only that, and this is the most important thing. Most people get paralyzed in terms of progress of their life when hard things happen. And if you have developed the ability to control the controllables and move through and continue to progress when everybody else quits, you've got a big gap there. You create a big advantage for yourself because most people can't do that, all right?

So. And I know it's hard, but sometimes the best way to get through things is to actually just keep pushing through. And that way when you do start feeling better, you don't look back and you say, fuck, I let all my progress die. I let my business die. I let my career die.

I got fat. I got this. And you don't have this huge mountain that you have to climb now to get back where you were because you were disciplined enough and smart enough to control those things through the hardship, okay? So now instead of being in this bad mental spot, you've kind of worked your way out of it. And you're like, fuck, all right, I'm starting to feel better.

And you look back, you're like, well, fuck. I didn't really even get off track because I was controlling the controllables. So I'm in a really good spot, okay? And so not only is it good for you mentally, but it's also good for you in the terms of how much progress you're making against your peers. And a lot of people will say there's fucking no such thing as competition.

I'm just competing with myself. Bullshit, okay? There's very little spots at the top of high earner potential. And that's what we talk about here. We talk about earning potential, making money, kicking ass and business.

In life, there are very few spots at the top. It is a limited fucking placing, okay? That's why there are so few of them. And then below that, the level of pretty good, there's more of those. And then there's average, where by definition, there's the most of those.

That's why it's called average. All right? So most people end up in average because, a, like we talked about beginning, they don't pick the thing. B, they spread their efforts across multiple things C. When bad things happen, they have to, they paralyze themselves and they don't make that progress.

And all the while, the people who, the people who do all of those things continue to move forward, which creates a huge gap in the results that are produced. And, dude, the reality is, is the world rewards results. It doesn't care if you're fucking sad. It doesn't care if you don't feel good. It doesn't care if you're going through bullshit.

The world doesn't give a fuck. And you have to understand this. And you could argue about it, you could cry about it. You could say it's not fair, but that is the way it is. So if you can build yourself into someone who can move through the hard times effectively, maybe not at top level, but at least effectively so that we're not having to climb this big mountain that you created by pausing and just wallowing, bro, you.

You got a really good chance of beating everybody else out. So that's the way to look at. It, in my opinion. Let me ask you, I want to get real, real quick because I want to. I want to.

DJ
I want. I really would like to see your take on this. Right. You got stabbed. You were 20, 22, 23 years old, and you were stabbed.

And you said that was about a two year time period in your life, right. Shit was dark. Yeah. Right. Now, fast forward to 2021.

You tear your shoulder. Yeah. Fucking obliterated. Yeah. It wasn't just terror.

Andy Frisella
It was totally fucked up. You know what I'm saying? That was about a two year. Yeah. What would you say the difference is between that?

The difference is when. When I got stabbed, I fucking sat around, I drank, I didn't do shit. I felt sorry for myself. I didn't go out in public. I was embarrassed.

I wallowed. And it made me into a suicidal, fucking literal nightmare of a human being this time. And by the way, it's a different thing, okay? There's different levels of severity here. And as bad as my shoulder was, it's still a bad thing, but it wasn't as bad as getting stabbed in the fucking face.

Right. That's interesting. I look at him in the same. Well, it's less traumatic, I'll say that. So.

But the amount of mental impact that it had was very similar. That's what I'm saying. Because I wasn't able. I was. At first, I was at the best shape my life.

I had all the momentum, and it completely derailed all of that. But what I did, instead of wallowing, I did what the fuck? I could. I come in here, I fucking train with one arm. I would do everything I could.

I'd eat good, I'd train with one arm. I didn't put on a bunch of weight. I didn't get fucking fat again. I kept my weight off, I kept my fitness close to in check. And I think that made it so, like, I was able to continue moving forward in all areas of my life.

So I didn't miss two years of my life by just sitting around crying and feel sorry for myself. And by the way, it was one of the better best. Like, just like getting stabbed, I say, was the best thing that ever happened to me because it changed my perspective. You know, having my shoulder reconstructed when I'm at the peak of my physicality and mental being and then having to go back and then working through that was a huge mental test that I fucking passed. So now I look back and I'm like, yeah, that sucked.

But fuck that. They didn't beat me. It didn't break me. And now I have that much more confidence because of that. So, you know, if you keep moving, things are going to work out much better than if you don't.

And so, you know, it's just reality, dude. It's not my opinion. It's just reality. Well, I think a lot of people too, they get stuck in those times, like, when that storm comes and they wallow in it and before you know it, it's life, here comes another storm and. Yeah, like, so I think there's also, like, a universal aspect to this too, right?

DJ
Because the more you wallow in it and you're not doing anything to fix or adjust or change, the universe somehow gives you a little bit more of that, man. Because, like, that's what you're asking. It's almost like that's what you're asking, bro. When you focus. This is why I talk about therapy the way I do.

Andy Frisella
Because when you focus on the same problems day in and day out, day in and day out, day in and day out, poor me, I'm fucked up. I got this wrong with me. I got that wrong with me. I can't do this because of that. You're actually putting all of your focus on all these things that are bad in your life.

And when you put your focus on all these things that are bad in your life, do you know what the universe gives you? More? Bad shit. Okay. And this is why, you know, while I think therapy may be beneficial for some people, I think it's totally overblown.

I think it's highly predatory for a lot of these therapists, because these therapists have no incentive to actually get you better because you're paying them to continue to be fucked up. All right? So they want you to talk about your shit. They want you to focus on your shit, because they know that if you focus on your shit and talk about your shit, you can't get through your shit. All right?

Now, I'm not saying that you shouldn't talk to someone. That is not what I'm saying. I'm saying that it is way overblown in terms of how appropriate it is. And if you actually want to get better, you need to start focusing on what you're trying to create and who you're trying to become again, just like you did before, and not focusing on how bad she is and. And how hard you have it.

All right? That is a absolutely for sure recipe to stay in that exact same place. If you always focus on what your problems are and you always focus on what's wrong. If you're in a down spot and you're in a spot where you're, you know, you know, you're not want to be, you have to just make the plan like you have never made the plan before. Right?

You have to start out at ground zero. So, okay, yeah, fucking, I got derailed. All right? I still want to be that motherfucker over there. So what does that guy do?

He does this, he does this, he does this, he does this. And then start doing those things right away, controlling the controllables. And you push yourself out of that fucking place. So that's why live Har is such a valuable program for people, because it forces them to push through. You can't do the program if you're not willing to work through adversity because it's a year long program, and, you know, it takes up 40% of your year.

You're bound to have adversity during that program. So if you, if you can learn to work through the adversity and stay on the program, you learn a new skill set, which is very valuable, which is how to move forward when everybody else gets paralyzed. Does that make sense? Absolutely. I remember, I think it might have been like, the second day or third day after your surgery.

You were like, well, we're about to. See what I'm made of. Yeah, well, motherfucker, I did cardio fucking 30 minutes after my surgery just to prove a point to myself. Yeah. Yeah.

DJ
So I think that. I think that that's, uh, that's that's some real shit, man. Yeah. Um. Yeah, man, I love it.

Andy Frisella
Was that three? That was three. We got four. We got another one. Do another one.

DJ
Yeah, let's pour some sauce. Extra sauce. A south. South. I think that's actually something really nasty.

South. Sound house is, like, fucking, like, you know, a head cheese is hog cheese. No. What? What?

It's real. Head cheese is like, some stuff you got on your little pee there. No, that's dick cheese. Well, that's. That's head cheese.

Oh, no. Salsa's like a real thing. You got a cheesy. You got a cheesy pee. No.

I thought you had to be, like, you know, not snipped. I don't know what the fuck you are or aren't. I'm snipped. Okay, so you got the mushroom tip? Mm hmm.

Andy Frisella
All right, cool. They did a great job on it, actually. Yeah, I feel good about mine too. Yeah, I mean, like, I. Yeah.

Yeah. Solid dog. Got one of those mushrooms, too. Yep. All right.

What'd you say? Got a big one.

All right. That's why he likes jiu jitsu so much. Keep rubbing on everybody. All right, let's do, like, God. Stay focused.

DJ
Yeah, baby. Poured a bell. This is very serious. Stop it. This is serious.

Andy Frisella
We're serious here. This is a fucking serious show. All right, back to making people better. Yeah. Question number four, guys.

DJ
Andy. Andy, how do you tame your nervous system in moments of high stress or perceived conflict? I am 24 years old. I've been in business. I've been a business owner for four years.

Tough conversations and perceived conflict sends my body into fight or flight. Even though I logically know there's no real imminent danger. I have been working on addressing these situations head on and talking to myself through them. However, I still feel my heart rate increase, palms get sweaty, and feeling like I can't get my words out or address the situation in the moment. Like, I need to often freeze.

Do you have any tricks for calming your nervous system or the fight or flight response so you can address conversations and situations effectively? Absolutely. First of all, if you're a young entrepreneur, this is not abnormal to feel nervous when you have to have conversations, that there may be some contention in them. Okay. That's a normal thing.

Andy Frisella
And the way that you ultimately get through that is by having them over and over and over again to the point where it's just natural to have them. And I could promise you, if you will just commit to working through this process, you will get to a point where you can have these conversations, and your heartbeat will not even change at all. It would just be a conversation. And so the first thing you have to do to get to that point is you have to be willing to do them. You have to be willing to do the reps.

And that goes for anything, any skill set you're trying to build. This is a skill set. Having conversations that are direct, that's a skill set. So you have to be willing to have them if you ever want to get better. Secondly, you have to frame the conversation the proper way.

If you go into it saying, this is a conflict conversation or this is a. This is a hard conversation, it's going to be conflicting, and it's going to be hard because you've already decided that. So instead just say, I got to have a conversation. All right. Don't put the burden on yourself that this is going to be hard.

And you start imagining all these unlikely scenarios about what they could say. And usually they don't even say that shit. Usually you sit down, you say, hey, this is what I need. And they say, okay, cool. That done?

Yeah. And so, yeah, so understand that people aren't going to automatically, like, flip the fuck out because you have to tell them something. A lot of young entrepreneurs, and I don't mean young in age, I just mean young in the game, they really struggle with this because they've never been in a position where they have to, like, tell someone what they need or direct someone, right? So they're very uncomfortable with it, and they feel like, fuck, I don't want to tell somebody what it. What this means, or I don't want to have this conversation, or I don't want to be direct because I don't want them to think that I'm better than them.

No, dude, it's not that you're better than them. And this is point number three. You have to realize that that's your role. Your role on the team is to direct the boat on the right course. And you can't get the boat on the right course unless you're talking to the people who are rowing the boat.

Right. And you might be rowing the boat, too. So you might have to talk while you're rowing. And you might have to say to the guys, hey, you guys over there on the right, you're rowing a little too slow. We got to pick it up so we can go straight and we don't go in a circle.

You see what I'm saying? That's not a hard conversation because they wanna go straight, too. So you have to remember they have an interest in getting this problem corrected as well. And most people that are reasonable want to correct those things. So all of that aside, you have to remember, dude, you have chosen a path that you have not gone down before.

And there's gonna be lots of things that are difficult for you. And one of them for most people is to have a direct conversation. But if you can't learn to have a direct conversation, you are not valuable. That is it. And that goes for you're not effective and you're not valuable.

And that doesn't just go for the person who's directing the boat on what direction. That goes for the motherfucker who's also rowing, aka an employee, right? If an employee, like, if you're back on the back of the boat and you're. You're back there and no one can really see you rowing, your fucking oars fucked up and you don't tell anybody, and you're rowing as hard as you can and you still can't row with the team because your aura's fucked up and you don't want to go say something because you're afraid of what they're going to say. You're invaluable and ineffective to the team.

And a lot of people who are, like, entrepreneurs, they don't understand this concept. They don't understand that they have to give feedback. They have to be willing to say, hey, here's where I'm having an issue. Because that's valuable shit to the leadership. And leadership will value someone a hundred times more that will come to them and say, hey, here's a problem I see.

Without abusing that conversation, okay? Because there's two kinds of people here. There's people who will come and give you the exact feedback you need that is valuable, who is a team player? And they say, hey, this is what I notice. I think it needs to get fixed here.

What can we do to fix this? And then there's the other kind of person who will disguise their. Their feedback as a complaint or as a way to get something more for them. All right? And that always brings you everything.

That usually sounds like bitching. Okay? So there's a big difference between bitching and giving constructive feedback. If you just go to your leadership and bitch all the time because you hear Andy say, it's important to give feedback or you're invaluable, you're going to get fired. Because people don't like that.

They don't like getting bitched at. They don't like hearing gossip. They don't there's. There's important shit, and then there's non important shit. And your job and giving feedback is to keep all the non important shit off the plate of your leader and make their job easier, and then bring the important shit to them so that they can fix it and the team can move forward.

So this ability to directly communicate is a massive asset, not just for the leadership, but also the people who are on the team that aren't necessarily the main leader. You can be a leader peer to peer, too. That's a whole nother thing. Like, if you're on a team and you're in the boat and I'm just giving you some free game on how to be more valuable, and you're. You're back there, and you hear the other guy, and he's like, fuck.

Fuck this. This is stupid. This is blah, blah, blah. That's where you go to the guy. You'd be like, hey, that motherfucker ain't on the team, bro.

We need someone else. Rowan. Right? And what most people will do is they'll do this fucking pussy shit. Well, some people are upset because.

Who people? Well, I don't want to name names. Well, then, bro, I. You're not valuable to me because I can't fix the problem if you won't name the fucking name. Gotta play guess who.

It's the most annoying shit in the world. And the reason it happens is because there isn't trust between the leadership and the team. Okay? The leadership has to earn trust of the team to know that they have the team's best interests in mind. And then the team will be more likely to communicate directly to you.

And that's what you want. You want direct communication both ways. Hey, guys, I need you to row a little harder. The guy in the back said, hey, my or is fucked up. I need to fucking do this.

Okay. All right, good. Hey, that guy over there, that guy ain't fucking. He don't want to be here. Let's throw him off the fucking boat, right?

Let's get someone on here that does. That's all valuable shit. But what's not valuable is going to the front of the boat and saying, man, I'm fucking tired. I don't. I don't like this.

I don't like the way the ores are hurting my hands. You know? Like, I don't. I don't like the way. I don't like the tone you use when you tell us to row that shit.

Get the fuck out. You know what I'm saying? We're here to fucking win. We're here to kick ass. We're here to be productive.

We're here to win as a team. And that. That requires open conversation, direct conversation, honest feedback, without all the trash. Okay? So, hopefully, that helps some of you guys.

DJ
Yeah. 100%, man. I love it. Well, guys. Andy, that was four.

Andy Frisella
Yeah. Try not to be a whore. Yeah. Went from sleeping on the flow. Now my jury box froze.

Fuck up bow. Fuck up stove. Counted millions in the cold. Bad bitch. Booted swole.

Got her own bank roll. Can't fold. Just a no headshot case. Clothes. Clothes.

702. Q&AF: Jack Of All Trades, Time Off After High School & Getting Through Dark Times

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction

2: Jack of All Trades

3: Gap Year Considerations

4: Navigating Through Dark Times

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Companies

Books

Guest Name(s):

Content Warnings:

Transcript