Funny Money with Gareth Reynolds: AI Girlfriends, Private Jets for Dogs and Emotional Baggage

Nicole Lapin
When I'm not hosting this podcast, I am writing books. But it is really hard for me to write when I'm at home. So I like to find remote cabins in the middle of nowhere to just hang out and write. But I hate the idea of my house just sitting empty, doing nothing but collecting dust and definitely not collecting checks. And that's why I'm an Airbnb host.

It's one of my all time favorite side hustles. Other popular side hustles are awesome, too, don't get me wrong, but they often involve big startup costs. By hosting your space, you're monetizing what you already have access to. It doesn't get easier than that. And if you're new to the side hustle game and you're anxious about getting started, don't worry, because you're not in this alone.

Airbnb makes it super easy to host. I mean, if I could do it, you could do it. And your home might be worth a lot more than you think. Find out how much@airbnb.com. Host I'm Nicole Lapin, the only financial expert.

You don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab.

It is time for another funny money episode. These are the episodes where I give bizarre headlines from the worlds of business and finance. And a comedian gives their famously non expert insight on the topic. Today, my guest is the hilarious Gareth Reynolds. Gareth is a stand up comedian and co host of two awesome podcasts, the Dollop podcast.

And we're here to help. And boy, do we have some doozies that I need help with. Today we talk about the truly odd decision some brands have made for April, the rise of the AI girlfriend industry and private jets for dogs. Seriously. Here's Gareth.

Gareth Reynolds, welcome to Money rehab. Hi, Nicole. Thanks for having me. Hi. You've got a much better set than I do, is what I'm realizing now.

But you have a serious broadcaster voice. He came in so hot. I like it. Oh, do I? Oh, that's strange.

Gareth Reynolds
Well, I guess that works for me. If we could combine our powers, we would just be atop the business. It would be illegal. Have you ever needed money rehab? Yes.

My career is in entertainment. So when I started out, it was peaks and valleys. It was feast or famine. And, you know, I really needed someone at some point to be like, don't listen to people saying that you're succeeding because of right now, probably. When I was, like, 26, I made six figures for the first time ever.

My mind was blown and I just bought everyone drinks for, like, a year. And then when I did my taxes, my guy was like, all right, well, what did you buy? And I was like, shots. And he was like, that's terrible. And I was like, oh.

And then I lost all the money I had. So. Yes, but maybe they could have been shots with business associates. They weren't. They were like, degenerate friends of mine who, when they then got successful, I was like, hey, shots.

And they were like, no, man, you gotta think long term strategy. I was like, cool. That's great that you learned that tax strategy. You learn the hard way. If anybody got hold of your bank statements, if they were leaked publicly, what charge would you be most embarrassed by?

Nicole Lapin
Or have the hardest time explaining? It would either be kombucha. Which literally, last week, my bank was like, hey, we put a freeze on your account. Because obviously no one's buying this much kombucha because my kombucha used to be in target, and then target stopped selling it. Or.

Gareth Reynolds
And probably this one stuff for my cat. People. People would be like, what's going on with you and your cat? It's bad. Is it the cat that is on the wall behind you?

I'm not here to answer questions like that, Nicole. But, yes, you could argue that it is the cat who has atop me in a painting, or the one to the right of my wall. Allegedly. Allegedly. My home is basically a museum of my cat.

It's sad. So if you had a money lesson that you would go back and teach your younger self, cat related or otherwise, what might that be, Gareth? It would be buy less shots. We come back again to the shots. It would be recognized that don't buy so many shots.

I really loved shots in my twenties, and if I'm on his thirties, and it just was not a long term strategy. I didn't have a savings account for far too long. That, to me, didn't exist. I was a checking boy. And then when that ran dry, I was like, well, I guess now we just, you know, eat microwavable pizzas for months.

Nicole Lapin
How old were you when you got a savings account? It's gonna be a pathetic age. I would think probably around 33 is when I started. Someone was like, that's a good thing to have. And I was like, that's money.

Gareth Reynolds
I should be spending that on shots. I'm not sure what's going on here. You're never as young as you are today, Gareth. You know, it's tough to hear. Today is as good a day as any.

Yeah, this is I'm doing another show called rehab. Rehab. So that's a story for that. Excellent. All right, it's time for some funny money.

Nicole Lapin
It is a game. Are we talking shots? It's like a shots game, but without the shots. Doesn't sound like a shots game. Okay, still down?

Gareth Reynolds
Yes. I'm down. Yes. Okay. I'll throw some bizarre business and finance headlines at you.

Nicole Lapin
I'll be the money part of this discussion. You be the funny expert here. And because one of the podcasts you co host is an advice pod called we're here to help, I am going to be asking you for advice. Now, are you ready? I'm ready.

Gareth Reynolds
I should say on our show, it's normally weird advice. We're here to help. We're not great at it. But money advice, if you're coming here for that, let's swing it. No, no, no.

Nicole Lapin
You're the chief weird officer of this segment. Okay. All right. The CWO. Okay, here's the first one.

A dog toy company bark, known for their bark box subscription, will launch a new jet charter service called Barcair that promises white paw service. It will cost as much as 16 grand for a round trip ticket for dog and its owner. If your best friend asked whether or not they should drop five figures on a private jet ride for them and their dog, what advice would you give them? Well, you'd think due to my previous answer, that I would be like, go. But I also don't forget, I'm a touring traveling comedian who sits on a lot of planes.

Gareth Reynolds
I would tell them to have a minute and get their. I got my cat certified as a service animal way cheaper, and then put that money towards something valuable, like shots. Or s and P 500 index funds, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shots and pot.

Exactly. The s and p. It's always shocking to me when dogs eat better than humans, when dogs have better houses than humans. And now that dogs are going to be flying better than I am, it's tough to hear. Yeah.

Nicole Lapin
Have you been to a restaurant where there's a dog menu? Yeah. And it's shocking, especially in LA. Where do you live? Are you out here?

Gareth Reynolds
You are, right? Yeah, yeah. When you walk the streets and it's like tent town, and then you're like, my dog will have the California roll. I don't know if this is right. But to be clear, your cat is a legit service animal.

Nicole Lapin
You're not suggesting service animal shenanigans? Walk me through what you're pitching here lightly, Nicole, because I don't think I can make that leap just to be. I don't want to overstep by thinking I'm grasping your insinuation when I'm not. You're not suggesting people to get service animal certifications when they're not an actual service animal? You're not a proponent of service animal fraud?

If they're a legit service animal, I am. Which camera should I am? Uses easy system to cheat and defraud it. Okay, moving on. Attack exec went viral on x after saying that he predicts AI girlfriends will create a billion dollar business and that he met a man in Miami who spends $10,000 a month on AI girlfriends.

If the CEO of an AI girlfriend business came to you for advice on how to build the perfect AI girlfriend, what features would you recommend? Well, let's just start by saying that the first sentence you read is basically Elon's ex in a total nutshell. Like, it checks a lot of the boxes. AI billion. AI girlfriend.

Gareth Reynolds
I would say the best thing to put in an AI girlfriend is a feature where she talks you out of spending thousands of dollars on an AI girlfriend like a real woman would. I find it so bizarre in many ways, are comfortable dip into dystopian AI. But the idea of men banging these things and feeling like, you know what I mean? Like, part of the joy of having a girlfriend or a partner is the friction, the pushback, rather than just some weird rubber thing that sits there and allows everything. So I would say an argumentative feature telling you to put your money towards something better, like shots or s and.

Nicole Lapin
P 500 index funds. Shots and pot. Exactly. So the s and p. So you save your money for your cat and your shots.

Okay, so you want features for AI girlfriends that would include being argumentative and financially savvy. That's great. I love this financially savvy characteristic. And being like, don't buy me. I was a waste of money, you idiot.

Gareth Reynolds
Mmm. Okay, so what would you have the AI program to tell the guy who spends ten k a month? This is what it would be like. I'll do a lady voice. Wait, what?

That's so stupid. You can use that money for something better, Darren. No. Spending it on me is literally, like, the dumbest thing ever. Why don't you get off your ass every now and then?

You could start a small business. You could get a nest egg going for us. You are pathetic lately, Morgan. Okay, but honestly, there are some people that are into that. We did a whole episode on FndOm, and there are guys who get off on the argument.

Shit, I can't win. There's a fetish for everything. I don't kink. Shame. But I feel comfortable saying, eh, let's have blood in the thing you're banging.

Nicole Lapin
Okay, moving on. A cow in Brazil recently became the most expensive cow to sell at auction. First of all, can you guess how much it sold for? I don't think I want to know, but I'll guess. I mean, Brazil's a real weird country, so as far as, like, the economy.

Gareth Reynolds
So I'll guess $8,000. Oh, my God. 4.8 million. What is going on? What are you talking about?

Nicole Lapin
Why? It's very. That's a million girlfriends. It's a lot of red blooded girlfriends. So it looks like this.

It's the white, special breed of cow that has really delicious meat, that has high heat. Stop it. You don't. You can't even represent this. You're trying.

How much do you think a steak would go for from a $4.8 million cow? I don't eat cow. But, I mean, it's gotta be $200,000 a steak. How many steaks come from a cow? This is where you're losing me.

Gareth Reynolds
I don't have that butcher breakdown map near me. If you were the buyer's financial advisor, how would you recommend they diversify their portfolio? So if they bought a $5 million cow, what else should they buy? Listen, I have thought about this a lot. As someone who doesn't eat meat often, I would eat lab grown meat.

I would see if you could get some lab grown dinosaur meat and just live like a Flintstone. I feel like that plays into this lunatic billionaire headspace a little bit. Or we should just. I'm gonna use some difficult terms here. Kill this man and eat him, because people that rich should not exist.

Nicole Lapin
I think the dinosaur meat, the caveman vibe, he could be onto something. Well, we live in the liver King era, where two ticks away from. I don't know what we are anymore. Cavemen with phones. It just.

Gareth Reynolds
It's not a functioning society. Speaking of, shares of Donald Trump's social media company have fallen 60% since it first went public. The company took a particular big hit once it was announced that Trump might be selling his entire stake. What should the company do to help correct the stock price? Well, the whole thing with these actual value of truth, social, it says inflated as the Hindenburg, essentially.

So this was bound to happen. But this is for the Trump locker room people. These are the people who want the locker room talk lifestyle. So I think we just move in the OnlyFans direction, and let's start seeing some of that pudgy, orange flesh on this man. And I think if he starts sharing little zones, I mean, I would love to see a nipple that I think plays well into the hand of what these people are after.

Nicole Lapin
So turn the company around. He sold his whole steak, but show a little. Ew. I can't even say it. You say he's sold his whole steak.

Gareth Reynolds
I say show the whole steak, but I'm. Let's party. Yes. Hold onto your wallets. Money.

Nicole Lapin
Rehab. We'll be right back.

And now for some more money. Rehab. Universal Music Group, Gareth has been going toe to toe with TikTok around, renewing their licensing agreement. As a result, UMG artists music are off the platform. Except for one.

Taylor Swift's music has mysteriously reappeared on TikTok, one week ahead of her highly anticipated album, the tortured poets department. Taylor Swift obviously can do anything. If you were her manager, what problem would you have her tackle next? Well, you're not allowed to talk negatively about Taylor Swift, but I would say climate change. I think if she just flew commercial for a year, the private plane stuff, there's the Taylor tracker that she's almost gotten taken down.

Gareth Reynolds
I'm not sure if it's down yet, but if she were to start doing something like that, I think that could be a great 180 for Taylor to start saying that flying private isn't okay. She could even take that dog airline you talked about earlier. But she has a cat. Well, listen, I can't thread every needle, Nicole. I'm trying, but I think if she were to come out and say she's going to tackle climate change, that would be powerful.

Nicole Lapin
Maybe there's a cat airline. Yes, I agree. It could be. I'm working on a pun here. That's not coming together.

Gareth Reynolds
But pawn am. I'll think about it. Meow. Error? I don't know.

Not bad. All right. Also, speaking of Taylor Swift, Ticketmasters parent company, Live Nation, is facing an antitrust lawsuit from the Department of Justice. Ticketmaster famously botched the sale of Taylor Swift's errors to work. Should Taylor write.

What an error. I'm so sorry. Should she write a song about the lawsuit? I think she should. I mean, as someone who performs often, the amount of people who are like, dude, look, I like you, but you're not worth $320.

And I'm like, first of all, I don't need to hear that soft criticism. But also, that's not me. My tickets are not like that. So to me, that would be perfect. She could even start swicket master just pitching here, Nicole.

Nicole Lapin
No, this is great. This is a safe space. I mean, if she's in a happy relationship, she doesn't have a lot of breakup songs. No, I do worry about that for her. Pearl Jam tried to do it a while ago.

Gareth Reynolds
I'm probably older than you, but Pearl Jam tried to do it a while ago to take over Ticketmaster so Taylor could win a lot of us people who are like, yeah, you're kind of burning fuel all over the world. That's not great. She could win me back with this. Real easy, Zachary. All right.

Nicole Lapin
April Fool's Day has come and gone. Some brands decided to play along. Amtrak used the holiday to introduce an emotional baggage train car and encourage followers on X to tag a friend who needs a lift. We can handle it. Did they go too far?

Gareth Reynolds
Well, I don't know who's in charge of marketing at these terrible companies, but, yes, it's not great. I mean, I think it's a bad look. All they want is money. We're getting to the desperate part of capitalism. They're now trying to lean into the depression that they've been at the helm of.

I mean, I'll say I've gone on a lot of Amtraks, and the last couple years, when I've gone on Amtraks, I've left worse than I got on there. I have PTSD from riding in Amtrak coach carts. I don't know if you've ever gone to the bathroom on an Amtrak, but I'd never served. But it is my Vietnam. So I would say, yeah, I think they crossed the line.

They're always trying to do this thing where they're like, we're cute, you know? Yeah. And you're like, no, you're like, part of the problem. I think they've crossed a line or a rail. Here's another one.

Nicole Lapin
Tinder linked to a job posting for its vice president of ghost hunting, a role designated to address and reduce overall ghosting behavior with skill requirements, including a proven track record of being ghosted in a previous relationship and references who will actually text back. It was a joke. I don't know if you think it's a good one, but should Tinder actually hire a person for this position? I mean, isn't ghosting just part of what this whole thing? It's not ghosting if you've never met up with someone.

Gareth Reynolds
In my opinion, you can't be a ghost if you've never been in the house. So first of all, I want to start a dating app called let's not meet, which is just right off the top, letting us know exactly what you're getting into. This is purely just a few back and forths, but I think they should. It's like a little dopamine. Hey.

Nicole Lapin
Yes. It's sad. That's why we have AI girlfriends, because, look, we don't need much anymore, but I think they should hire that person. And then I think that person should just never show up for the job and never reply to an email. It was so funny.

Do you know magic for humans from Justin Wilman, the magician? Oh, yeah, Justin's my buddy. Yeah, I know. Okay. He's hilarious.

I would like him to do a magic trick for me, please and thank you. But his new show has magic trick for a woman who was trying to get her mother to stop ghosting men. So he went on a fake date with her, but then made it as if she was on a date with a ghost. They took a picture, and he wasn't in the picture, and she was like, what the fuck? I'm on a date with a ghost.

And so. That is brilliant. I went to college with him, and I will say that guy was successful in college, and I was like, well, this is some bullshit. Cause he wasn't buying people shots. You know what?

Sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. I thought we were at that point. Where we were like, I feel like we are. Okay, okay.

Gareth Reynolds
I should have. Thanks. Okay, cool. Oreo also jumped on the bandwagon for April fools and announced that the cream and the cookie are getting divorced. The stock of Oreo's parent company dipped on April Fool's day, which, according to Forbes, was probably not because of the joke.

Nicole Lapin
What do you think? Well, I think, first of all, what an empty threat. The idea that you're gonna divorce those two things, like, that's the divorce that everyone would be fine with having the cookie is just a device to get the cream into you. That's all it is. That didn't come out great.

Gareth Reynolds
Yeah, it's a vehicle. It's like a chip that you don't wanna eat. The emptiest threat in the world is cookie being like, I'm out of here. I'm single. I'm gonna go out there and figure it out.

Like, cream is the one that everyone wants. You know, it's kind of like Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise. It's like, all right, Tom, you go off to your little cabin and hold Scientologist women hostage while Nicole will go out there and just be an actress who kills it. Yeah. Fabulous.

Lastly, what does that sigh mean? It feels loaded. It feels like I've exhausted you. No, no. I was thinking about the time that I actually did enjoy the cookies, but.

I was drunk, so it's like lucky charms. The pieces are there to make you appreciate the marshmallows. Cause you can't just have all marshmallows. Yeah, it's the juxtaposition. You can't appreciate the sun without the rain vibes.

We've got it. Okay. And we got it. Lastly, 711 joked about rolling out a new product on April fool's day. Hot dog sparkling water.

Nicole Lapin
I have no question. Believe me, they're asking the question. They're asking, should we just end it? Are we done here? Would you try it?

Gareth Reynolds
No, I mean, I would try it only in the sense that. Try it for the story. Try it for the story. And one thing I enjoy about our slow slide into wherever we're headed is that there's a lot of comedy on the way down. George Carlin said that being a human, you're at the circus, and being an american, you have a front row ticket.

And so I really feel like I would try it only to just be like, wow, this is ending. Because every time I've been in a 711, I'm in line behind someone who's deciding to eat there. All I can think is, you can just do better so easily for the same price. Within this shopping area, you can find bigger wins. I one time looked at a churro on, like, a little rotator or a hot dog on it, and it was purple and mouth kill me.

So I don't think we, we really need all these benchmarks on the way down. But, you know, by the same token, we may as well embrace it. It's like being on the Titanic and just deciding to grab a handful of caviar. Or do they just really know their audience if they are targeting people who are questioning their life's choices? Feels right.

Maybe. I mean, look, we all are familiar with hot dog water, by the way. I'm pretty sure that's what trump sweat tastes like. Just to circle back to the. I love a callback.

Who doesn't? I haven't had a lot of them in my business, but I'll take them. So do you do stuff for the story? What do you mean? I.

Nicole Lapin
You have to get more material. Would you try it? That's the question. Cause you're kind of more professional, so I feel like you trying it would maybe be you don't need that as much as I do. Like, I'm a sad man.

You're not a sad man. You mean that? It's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. You're not a sad man, Gary. Thank you.

Gareth Reynolds
Would you try it? You're a weird man. I am a weird man with the. Cat thing, but it's cool. You're a good man.

Thank you. But don't dodge the question. You know, I've done weirder things for the story, so. Yeah, such as? Oh, Garrett, the tables don't turn like this.

It's a different podcast. I get you. That's it? Yeah. We'll do it on rehab.

Rehab? When you're my guest. Good deal. All right. We end our episodes by asking our guests for one money tip listeners can take straight to the bank.

Nicole Lapin
Do you have one from your days pre savings account? Don't forget that the memo line on every check you write is available for comedy. So don't be afraid to take advantage of the memo line. Nobody cares about it. It isn't important.

Gareth Reynolds
Literally. You could just start writing 711 hot dog water on there, and people are going to cash that check. There's nothing they can do. There's little pockets where we can find comedy, and that might be a winner. You know, that example more in sort of present day financial system would be the note that you give when you send somebody a Venmo.

Exactly. When you send someone that, and yes, you just go like, thanks for the waxing. Ouchy. I also don't understand the people who are very comfortable with the public Venmo feature. That, to me, seems insane.

Nicole Lapin
It's very confusing. We did a whole episode about that two week. Can you open your Venmo app really quick? Can you read to me some of your. They're insane.

Some of the memos? Sure, yeah. Maybe I can guess what they're for. Well, I also do this sometimes. I don't think you'll be able to.

Gareth Reynolds
This one is just a friend of mine, and I go back and forth requesting a lot of money from each other for stupid things. I requested $696,000. 969, 696. I've never read money before. 696, $969,000.

And I said it was for damages during this exchange to be used to train for the bun eating championships, but trauma caused by previous requests. I do a lot of those. This one was for Taco Bell breakfast Gorditas. But that's not at all what it was. Oh, what was it?

I don't think I'm legally allowed to say it, but it was for a tank of gas. One of them I did was great lunch, but it wasn't for lunch. That's just how she gets it off the grid. Another one. Another one said, miss you to my friend Tom, and I actually sent him $2.

Nicole Lapin
Oh, you use venmo like, it's like a poke. Like a little greeting card sometimes. I see. Most times it's very, very stupid. But I do a lot of trauma.

Gareth Reynolds
You've hurt me by not sending me $700,000, so now you owe me $900,000. I do a lot of those. But that's one of those things where, you know, it's like. It's like when I. You know, my theory when I used to be out taking shots would be that, you know, if you ask 15 women for their phone number, you'll be hurt 14 times, but one will cave.

So you just keep asking. Don't lie. How many of those requests have a 69 in it? I mean, come on, you can do better than that. Gareth, how old are you?

I'm 69. How about that? Okay. How does that feel? See, you're laughing, and that's why we do that joke.

Nicole, that's amazing. Why are you not sponsored by an alcohol company? I don't know. I don't know. I really.

I'm so malleable when it comes to alcohol. Get that monetized content. Well, I will say my podcast, the dollop, just got sponsored by a wine company, and I ordered wine, and having to kind of go through their. What tastes do you have? Was a hilarious experience, because I literally was just like, feed me.

Feed me anything. And they were like, do you like almonds? I was like, let's go. Enough of this survey crap. Was it Franzia?

No, but, boy, I like that you know your stuff. You know the trash. Have you ever heard of Peter Vella? No. Is that what it is?

No, thank God. Peter Vella is the worst wine maybe on the market. It's boxed wine, but it's horrible. It's like a bag of hangover. It's an anti iv, but when you buy it, it's got this man in this sort of Indiana Jones hat studying grapes on the front, and you're like, oh, for sure.

Yeah, we're. I'd love to tour the Vella vineyards. Without question. Is there any boxed wine that is good? I think that's like a oxymoron.

There's canned wine. That's okay. Which is weird, but it's gotten to that point, but I don't think so. I think there maybe are a couple, but for the most part, anywhere where people like me go for alcohol, the box wine is there for. It's there to make you feel okay about how much you're drinking.

The sad part about drinking a lot of wine is the amount of times you're opening a bottle. The box wine, you just pull that weird spout out of that cardboard, and nobody's judging anybody. Money rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lapin. Money rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoie.

Nicole Lapin
Our researcher is Emily Holmes. Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money questions. Money rehaboneynewsnetwork.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one on one intervention with me.

Me. And follow us on instagramoneynews and TikTokoneynewsnetwork for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you. No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.

Funny Money with Gareth Reynolds: AI Girlfriends, Private Jets for Dogs and Emotional Baggage

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1: Introduction

2: AI Girlfriends and Financial Follies

3: High-Flying Pets

4: Closing Thoughts

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