Funny Money with Comedian Sarah Tiana: The Eclipse's Divorcee, Cracker Barrel and Tax Tears

This episode delves into the quirky intersections of comedy and finance, featuring comedian Sarah Tiana sharing humorous insights on various financial anecdotes.

1. Money's psychological impact is significant, and changing one's money mindset can lead to better financial and personal outcomes.
2. Personal stories, especially from public figures like Tiana, help demystify financial struggles and solutions.
3. Investing in experiences and self-belief can sometimes yield unexpected benefits.
4. Comedy can be an effective tool to discuss and digest complex topics like finance.
5. Financial planning and management can be tailored to individual lifestyles and needs, emphasizing the importance of personalization in finance.

1: Introduction

Nicole introduces the episode and guest Sarah Tiana, setting the stage for a discussion on financial headlines with comedic spins. Nicole Lapin: "It's time for some money rehab."

2: Sarah Tiana's Financial Anecdotes

Sarah shares her personal finance stories, highlighting her challenges with saving and her laid-back approach to money management. Sarah Tiana: "I just, like, stop thinking about it and stop caring about it."

3: Discussion on Cracker Barrel

The conversation shifts to Tiana’s love for Cracker Barrel, discussing its cultural and personal significance, and its role as a publicly traded company. Sarah Tiana: "Cracker Barrel has a big significance to me because it was the first sit down restaurant we ever got in my hometown."

4: Bizarre Financial Headlines

Nicole and Sarah discuss unusual financial news, including stories about Cracker Barrel and economic impacts of the solar eclipse. Sarah Tiana: "I'd like to marry the eclipse so I could get 3 billion in a divorce."

5: Closing Advice

The episode wraps up with financial tips from Tiana, focusing on automatic savings and investments in familiar territories like sports teams. Sarah Tiana: "Invest in a sports team."

1. Consider adopting an "abundance mindset" to alleviate financial anxiety.
2. Automate savings to build wealth without daily stress.
3. Engage with financial news and advice through accessible mediums like podcasts.
4. Reflect on personal financial habits and their psychological impacts.
5. Invest in familiar areas where you have personal interest or experience.

Today's episode is another installment of Funny Money, where Nicole gives bizarre headlines from business and finance, and a comedian gives their famously non-expert insight on the topic. Today, Nicole talks to the hilarious Sarah Tiana, a standup comedian who probably wrote some of your favorite roasts. Sarah explains why she would marry the eclipse, what advice she’d give Shohei Ohtani amidst his gambling/theft scandal and why referees should only be women.

People

Sarah Tiana, Nicole Lapin

Companies

Cracker Barrel

Books

None

Guest Name(s):

Sarah Tiana

Content Warnings:

None

Nicole Lapin
I'm Nicole Lapin, the only financial expert. You don't need a dictionary to understand. It's time for some money rehab.

It is time for a funny money episode. These are the episodes where I give bizarre headlines in the worlds of business and finance. And a comedian gives their famously non expert insight on the topic. Today, my guest is the hilarious Sarah Tiana. Sarah is a stand up comedian, a writer, a roast master.

Her latest special, 44, is on YouTube. And after listening to this episode, you. Are going to want to check it out ASAP. Today we cover the weird news coming from the eclipse economy, a scandal in the MLB. And I'm just going to say, she.

Is definitely not a non expert there. And Sarah's favorite restaurant, cracker barrel. Here she is. Sarah Tiana, welcome to money rehab. Oh, my gosh, thank you for having me.

Sarah Tiana
I'm very excited. Oh, my gosh. I'm excited to have you. Have you ever needed money, rehab? Yeah.

I mean, I am. I'm not good with money. I've never been good with money. Even, like, growing up, with our allowance, my sister and I, we would get $1 a week or $2 a week. And my parents always said, and this was a great thing that they said, which was like, we'll buy you anything you want as long as you pay for half.

So if you pay for half, you can have whatever. And my sister and I were like, we're gonna get a trampoline. We just have to save up for 80 weeks. And by, like, week four, I was like, no, I like candy, and I just, like, spent mine and my sister saved the whole time. So we're the opposite.

She's way better at saving, so she's better now. Got the trampoline for you guys. No, no, no. Because I never saved. Are you still in need of money rehab?

I'm always in need of money rehab. I'm always trying to learn new things, especially now that I'm a mother. And, like, we started a 529, I think it is for ours, for son, for school, you know, for his college fund or even high school if he has to go to private school or something. So we started that. I'm just.

I'm just really learning. A big thing for me is that, you know, when I was doing. When I was first starting comedy, I was waiting tables and I was constantly working. I would spend all day working at the Beverly Hills hotel pool. I take a shower there, then go out at night and do comedy all night.

And money just had all this power over me. I was always thinking about how I was going to pay my bills. Like, what am I going to do? And then I realized that when I'm thinking about money, I'm not thinking about comedy. And I had to let it go.

I had to just, like, stop thinking about it and stop caring about it because I said, what? What I'm really nervous about is having to ask for help. I'm really just nervous that I have to ask my parents, like, hey, can I have a $100 for my electric bill? So once I let it go and I started just thinking, using all that energy to think about something else, I always had it. And so that has been my mentality with money is, like, I don't think about it.

I do put it away. Like, I do have, like, a stash account and a coinbase account that just, like, takes money out every month. But that's, like, the extent of savings that I do. And even when I. I remember once a show I was working on didn't get picked up, and I was really nervous about what my next job was gonna be.

So I bought a car. I went out and bet on myself. I was like, if I need money, I'm just going to be like, nope, I need to get a car, so the universe is going to be there for me. And then it was so I don't know if I'm lucky or stupid, but. Okay, well, you're definitely not stupid.

Don't talk about my new friend like that. But it definitely matters. Money mindset matters. Like, it sounds like you were more in the abundance versus scarcity mindset. And, you know, listen, I'm not, like, here for all the woo woo stuff, but I do think that there is, you know, the biggest enemy for money is between our ears.

And so once you quiet that mean girl inside your head, it's not surprising that you were able to hit a stride in work and, you know, the law of attraction, again, not to be too woo woo. Although I'm bringing up woo woo things, to go buy a car when you need money is counterintuitive. But this idea that when you put. Money out in the universe, it kind of comes back to you sounds like that happened as well. But also, can we talk about the $50 salads at the Beverly Hills hotel?

What the actual fuck? Yeah. They are. Are they made of magical pixie dust? Yes, they.

It is literally just dollar bills chopped up there. It's called the McCarthy salad. That's our most expensive salad. It is a very good salad. Like, because it's one that you can eat with a spoon.

And my whole problem with salads is always that I don't like getting dressing on my face. And, you know, when you have the big leaves, you're like, it's always just, like, you can barely fit it, the whole piece of lettuce into your mouth, and, like. But the McCarthy salad, you can eat with a spoon. So I don't think it's worth $50, but it is a very good. It's true.

All right, before we get into funny money, um, I want to ask you, what is up with Cracker barrel?

What is up with Cracker barrel? You mean the great sit down restaurant. Says sent from Cracker barrel, which I obsessed. I thought my email signature was clever. Tell me more.

It used to be that if it came from my computer, it said, sent from Waffle House, and it came, and if it came from my cell phone, it says, sent from Cracker barrel. But now I think it's always the same. Cracker Barrel has a big significance to me because it. It was the first sit down restaurant we ever got in our, my hometown. Like, we'd never seen waitresses before.

We're like, oh, is this prom? Like, we were just so excited, and it was busy all the time. And that's when I realized I didn't go to church, like, because my friends were complaining about how busy cracker barrel was. And I was like, oh, well, we go every Sunday morning at 10:00 a.m. And there ain't nobody in there.

So that was a really difficult way of learning that we were sinners. But I also have this feeling that, like, that's why my friends from home never got on an airplane before. Like, most of my friends never traveled. Cause they would say things like, oh, I never left nothing in New York. I need to go get right.

And I'm like, what a terrible mentality. But they have all these opinions on New Yorkers. They never been. And I was like, they never wanted to get on an airplane. And I was always just convinced that it wasn't the price of the ticket.

It was that they were afraid they're gonna get off the airplane and there wasn't gonna be a cracker barrel. And they'd be like, where am I gonna get a steak in New York? Cracker barrels. I'm from Calhoun, Georgia. We have a nike outlet.

That's excellent. I like cracker barrel. I worked at different small markets when I was in the broadcasting world, and, like, Sioux Falls, South Dakota. Lexington, Kentucky. Like, I always liked cracker barrel.

I was vegan back then. And so the grits, fun fact, are vegan at cracker barrel, and then the fried apples, too. They're delicious. Wow. And cracker barrel is a publicly traded company.

Would you invest? Do you invest? Absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I think because they're expanding.

Like, they actually never. We finally got one in southern California. When I moved here, I assumed that they would be everywhere, but they never came to California because California has earthquake restrictions, and they make cracker barrel take everything off the ceiling. So cracker barrel is like, fuck you, we can't come out there. You know what I mean?

Nobody can eat hash brown casserole without a wheelbarrow hanging above their head. And so not the same. Yeah, right. But I. But now they've gotten around it because now they just have it on the wall.

Acts like extra stuff on the wall. So you just have, like, old ladies from the 18 hundreds staring at you while you eat. But that makes me comfortable. The stock, by the way, I will say, is down 44% over the last year while the general market has been up. I wonder if that's because less people are traveling.

Because cracker barrel was such a traveler's restaurant. They were always near the freeway. They're rarely, like, you know, inland, so to speak, but also truckers and people like that, they. You could get a book on tape, and then you could return it at any cracker barrel. So it was like.

It was really like a traveler's paradise, like, for people in rvs or people on just like, a road trip vacation. But I don't feel like people take as many road trip vacations anymore. And maybe if they want a book on tape, they get audible. Yeah, a podcast, right? It's just like on your phone, you can't really play a book on tape anymore.

All right, sister, it is time for some funny money. I'm going to throw some bizarre headlines your way from the worlds of business and finance, and then I'll be the money expert. You be the funny expert. Okay. Let's go.

Let's go. So first, obviously, we had to pull a cracker barrel. Headline cracker barrels, first ever yard sale of antique restaurant decor items sold out in 30 minutes. Are you surprised? Oh, not surprised.

You know, everybody loves a yard sale in a small town, and everybody loves cracker barrel, so they're probably there anyway. They're just like, might as well pick up this hacksaw from the 18 hundreds. Are you bumsy? Missed it. Yeah.

Yeah, right. No, I was there. Yep. I got myself. I remember when my family got the rocking chairs from cracker bar because you can buy them, the ones out in front.

I also have the giant checkers. I mean, I probably already have a bunch of this stuff from cracker barrel, but. Like, we need a guard sale. Come on, now. They're expensive rocking chairs.

I think they're, like, $200. Like, they're not messing around. The solar eclipse just happened. As you know, experts were predicting a significant boom for retail in towns and cities along the path of totality. Altogether, the eclipse's economic impact might be as big as $6 billion between hotels, flights, restaurants, maybe some cracker barrels along the way and souvenirs.

What did you think of the eclipse? I mean, my eyes still hurt. I looked at it. No, we were actually here at the office, and somebody had the glasses. I saw that Amazon recalled the glasses.

I love that people are just going out with sunglasses. Like, oh, these will help. Like, no, it won't. Then somebody had a piece of paper. There's, like, a white printer paper.

And then they would hold it in the sun, and then you could see on the ground the shadow. We watched it. Oh, I love the eclipse because then it makes it feel like night, and you can start drinking at 11:00 a.m. So that's what I started to do. I'm like, well, technically, it's dark out.

Perfect. Yeah. I think there was some crazy thing with Fox News being like, watch out for the borders. It's dark for four minutes. Migrants are going to come in.

Yeah, Fox News isn't a fan of anything dark, Morgan. No. So if it ain't blonde and white, it's probably trouble. Fiona, if you're in the path of totality, the eclipse is expected to last, as you know, four minutes. That's it.

$6 billion, though, Sarah, for four minutes is not a bad wage. Before the eclipse, like, would you be the eclipse's agent? I'd like to marry the eclipse. $6 billion for four minutes. I'd like to marry the eclipse so I could get 3 billion in a divorce.

Next up, though, 54% of Gen Z taxpayers said filing their taxes this year has either brought them to tears in the past or they expect it to bring them to tears this year. Have your taxes ever made you cry? Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I mean, I live in California.

My taxes make me cry all the time, and I'm incorporated. We pay. What are the four times a year that you pay in, like, oh, yeah, it's. It's a lot, but I would pay 80% in taxes to live in California. Like, I don't care.

Like, we don't have bugs and snakes and rain, so I don't care. I would pay more to live here. They couldn't pay you to go back to Calhoun, which I assume has bugs. No, bugs. It's like mosquitoes, constantly.

Snakes. No, I'm good. I don't need tornadoes or rain. No, we have the sunshine tax. We have the bug free tax.

And you're down with it. Yeah. I always say, like, if it keep. Like, we had a lot of rain in March, and I was like, if it rains one more day, I move into a state that takes away my rights. Like, this is not what I pay 80% in taxes for.

Yeah. I want a refund. Yeah, yeah. No, I remember the first year, though, that I was incorporated, and we paid my taxes all at one lump sum, and I thought it was the first time. I had never gotten money back.

I'd always been able to get money back because I didn't make a lot. And then when I really started making six figures, I was like, oh, like, the more money you make, the more taxes you pay, until you hit a million and then. But I don't make a million, so I'm still paying, you know, 30, 40% on top of agent fees. So I'm paying double. Like, I.

And then Donald Trump took away, where you get a write off from paying your agents. He took that away. So now it's like you're paying twice. Like, they're paying taxes twice, like, I'm paying them off the top. And then I pay taxes, and then they have to pay taxes of what?

Of what I paid them. So I'm like, that's double dipping. That's not fair. That's not fair. Yeah, it's ridiculous.

Breaking it up into quarterly taxes makes you feel better, even though you know it's the same. I know it's the same, but it's just easier. It's just easier. And for a while, I was getting money from a commercial. I'm very blessed.

Like, I was in a Navy federal credit union commercial, like, nine years ago. Oh. And it's still running. And so it's amazing. You ask them for, like, some.

An account or some money in Navy federal. That's a great credit union, by the way. It's a great credit union. I should probably move my money there. But, no, I didn't.

I mean, I feel like I'm making up off of them, but, you know, we just converted it to the corporation forever. It was just paying me, and it took a bunch of taxes out so that, to me, I was great. I was like, yes, take all those taxes out so I can get all that money back at the end of the year and then pay for my incorporation taxes. But it wasn't. It wasn't crossing over perfectly.

So now we converted it to the LLC. And, I mean, it's nice to see that big chunk come in, but I just go, anytime I get a job, I go, well, is it worth it? If. Because I'm only going to bring home half, is it worth it? That's how I have to figure everything.

Yeah, I think that I have maybe, like, cried tears. Definitely. I've been an anxious ball of mess around taxes. Like, I definitely irrationally think I'm going to go to jail. Really?

Are you cheating on your taxes? No, I'm definitely not. I'm, like, probably overpaying and, you know, I want to do everything right, but I have, like, an irrational fear that I'm. I get that. I get that where, you know, because the IR's doesn't make it easy.

But also, like, I don't mind paying taxes. I'm actually, you know, I'm totally fine with it. I just want to see the results of what I'm paying for. So, like, if I'm gonna pay 40%, I would like there not to be potholes all down my road. I would like.

I would like for the grass to be mowed along the bike path, because this is what my state and city taxes are for. I'd like national health care. You know, I would like women's bodies to be more protected. So, like, I don't mind paying the taxes, but you gotta give me something back. So that's the only time I don't.

I get mad about it is when I'm like, I don't see the perks. Hold onto your wallets, money. Rehab will be right back. Do you ever get FOMO fear of missing out? Well, do you ever get FOMO Tupita fear of missing out on the perfect hire?

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Nicole Lapin
That's LinkedIn.com, man. As in money news network. To post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply.

And now for some more money rehab. All right, I know you're a big sports fan. I have some headlines from the sports world for you. Los Angeles Dodgers superstar Sho. Hey.

Sarah Tiana
Oh. Tani is in the middle of a gambling scandal. His former interpreter was fired following accusations that he stole more than $4 million from Shohei to cover his illegal gambling debts. But it's unclear, apparently, whether the interpreter stole from the baseball star or whether Shohei himself was paying debts that the interpreter had incurred. If you were his lawyer, what advice would you give?

Well, I would have told him not to play for the Dodgers because the Dodgers have mismanaged every aspect of this. They've, they've lied at certain point. You know, you remember when Kate Middleton with the royal family, when they were like, oh, she's, she's just in a hospital. And then they go, well, she said, oh, no, she's coloring. You know, like, they just kept lying.

And you're, like, you're making it. What? Like, now we don't trust you for anything? And so the Dodgers have said all the wrong things. They've released different stories.

Like, the interpreter talked to ESPN and then gave his story. Then the Dodgers walked it back. Then they walked it back again. They go, oh, no, it was, it was actually stealing from him, but it was just a huge mess. And so nobody knew who to believe.

And. And so you have to go, did Shohei Ohtani, who, you know, makes $60 million a year, did he just not notice nine different transactions of half a million dollars going out? And, you know, if you're a bank, you know, you have to call a bank to make a transaction that big. If you're a bank and you hear a japanese person on the phone, and then they, they go, well, we need to talk to Mister Otani. And then that guy goes, okay, hold on.

And then he comes back and acts like, shohei Otani. Like, would you be able to tell who is who? Like, I doubt it. And so I think it's very plausible that the interpreter stole from him. I find it less plausible that Otani didn't know about it.

And maybe he probably just didn't know that they weren't allowed to bet through a bookie because that that's honestly what it's. The investigation is. The investigation is through the IR's. It really has nothing to do with, like, baseball can't do anything about it. It's the FBI that is making the investigation, because you're not allowed to bet through a bookie, and that's what the interpreter was doing.

So if I was Shohei's lawyer, I would say, don't sign with the Dodgers because they keep mismanaging every aspect of this. But also, like, just don't lie. Just be, you know, be honest. Yeah. Shouldn't be breaking news, but, yeah, yeah.

Then you don't have to keep track of your lie. That's why I don't do it, because I forget. I would forget. Yeah, me too. Owning a sports team is actually a way the ultra rich sarah beat the tax system.

Sports owners can take deductions on team assets, everything from media deals to player contracts, and that helps them pay way lower tax rates at extreme levels. For example, Steve Ballmer, the owner of the LA Clippers, who reportedly made $656 million in 2021, had a 12% tax rate, which was lower than the tax rate of concession stand workers at the stadium. If you were trying to lose money, which sports you would you buy? Oh, if I was trying to lose money, gosh. I mean, the Oakland aids are always the example.

The thing is, you can't really lose money as an owner. That's why teams don't go up for sale. People are always like, oh, because I always said, if I won the powerball, if I won a billion dollars, I would buy sports. I would buy a baseball team. Like, that's my dream.

And then people go, oh, you would just lose money? I go, no, I wouldn't. Like, they are all, they only go up in value. That's why they are never for sale. The fact that the Orioles were just sold is insane.

Like, nobody sells baseball teams, even the worst teams in the league. The problem is, the worst teams in the league are spending, like, $30 million on payroll. But baseball does something called a revenue share. So all the revenue created in baseball gets put into a pot, and then the 30 teams in major league baseball get to share that revenue and that revenue. Last year, I think, was $140 million per team.

So you're getting a check for $140 million for doing nothing. And if your payroll is $30 million instead of, like, the Dodgers payroll is 300 million or, you know, 285 or something like that a year, and the Oakland days is 33, and they go, well, you know, we're just in a small market, and you go, uh huh. Like, you're getting $140 million from major league baseball before concessions, before, you know, your own parking lot sales, whatever it is, you've already got that money. So you're just pocketing $100 million a year. Don't tell me that you can't afford to have better players on your team.

So I think the problem in baseball is that we have a salary cap, but there's no salary minimum. Like, you should at least have to pay $100 million for the players on your team so that you are putting a good product on the field and you're being competitive. I think that, to me, is the bigger issue. I don't, obviously, like, I would love to pay 12% in taxes. Like, that would be a dream.

But that's what happens. Like, the more money you get, the less taxes you pay, which is obnoxious. That's right. And it doesn't just happen with baseball and basketball happens for football. They rarely trade.

Hedge fund manager extraordinaire David Tepper recently bought the Panthers. You know, the Walmart family has the Broncos, Broncos and on the Braves. The Braves, yeah. My team, the Atlanta Braves, just, just became publicly traded. So I bought stock in the Braves, and that's part of my stash.

Yeah. I think I buy like $50 of brave stock every month or whatever. I'm so sorry. I didn't realize who I was talking to. Oh, yeah.

Just. I'm just a big part of the stock market. Just a sports owner. The NCAA tournament national title game between South Carolina and the Iowa Hawkeyes was the most watched basketball game, including NBA and WNBA, since 2019. According to ESPN, women in sports are fighting for equal representation, and one area where they have made some traction is as referees.

I know you have some thoughts about their qualifications. Oh, yes. You know, I think we're really good at knowing about three second violations and ten second violations just from our own sex lives. But I really love. I really love female referees in the NFL.

I think only women should be referees. Like, who better at telling men what they are doing wrong? Like, I feel like we are overqualified for this job. Like, you think I didn't see it. We've had a lifetime of practice.

Yeah, a lifetime of practice. It's like, people go, when I go to baseball games, I keep the book. Right? I keep the book and people are like, why do you keep score? I go, it's not enough for me to know when a man made a mistake.

I want to know the exact minute he made a mistake. So that I have receipts, right? Like, I feel like only women should be third base coaches. Like, we're very good at telling men to go home. Like, these are all reasons that we should be more involved in sports.

There she is keeping her score. Fantasy baseball generates an estimated $3.64 billion in revenue, and it's the second most popular sport for fantasy teams after football. With this in mind, can you tell our dear listeners about your observations about men believing that they can become professional athletes? Oh, my gosh, yes. I mean, my boyfriend does this all the time.

Like, I I feel like the whole reason that we're together is so he has somebody to look whenever he says, babe, watch this. Right? Like, you know, and when I finally give him the attention that he's craving, I will see that he's crinkled up a piece of paper into a tight little ball, and, you know, and then he'll take his art and he'll throw it at the trash can or anything that's open, you know, like the hamper, dishwasher, my mouth. And, you know, he'll make it, you know, like, 40% of the time. And it's my job as his girlfriend to be like, oh, my God, you're amazing from downtown.

Like, you should be in the NBA. You should be in the NBA. Like, this. This is why the Knicks suck, because they're not scouting for guys on their couch in the middle of the valley. But it is interesting like, that.

Like, no matter how old a man becomes, he never truly loses the idea of becoming a professional athlete. Like, it just lingers back there in their brains, like, a little plan b. Like, I just got to hit the gym. Couple more days, apply myself. That's why men wear jerseys.

Like, they're not. Yeah, they're like, I can submit. Do you need a sub? I'll sub. So obnoxious.

All right, Sarah, we end our episodes by asking our guests for a money tip listeners can take straight to the bank. I'd love to know any money tip that you've learned that works for you. It can be anything money related around. Negotiating, investing, budgeting, saving, buying a sports team. Part of a sports team.

For sure. Invest in a sports team. For me, personally, my best advice is always to just, like, I have my stash account. Like, it just automatically deducts from my checking account every two weeks. And I've picked a lot of safe stocks, and so that just gets deducted.

And I don't think about it. I don't care about it, and it's just in there and, like, every couple of months, I'll check it, and I'll be like, oh, wow, I didn't know I had that much money. So I think blindly saving money and. But putting it in a safe place. And then we also put money into our kids fund, 529.

I know you can only put, like, ten grand a year in there, but it'll be so worth it once they get to college. Money rehab is a production of Money News Network. I'm your host, Nicole Lapin. Money rehab's executive producer is Morgan Lavoie. Our researcher is Emily Holmes.

Nicole Lapin
Do you need some money rehab? And let's be honest, we all do. So email us your money questions, moneyrehaboneynewsnetwork.com to potentially have your questions answered on the show or even have a one on one intervention with me. And follow us on Instagramoneynews and TikTokoneynewsNetwork for exclusive video content. And lastly, thank you.

No, seriously, thank you. Thank you for listening and for investing in yourself, which is the most important investment you can make.