Samurai Cop LIVE!

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Paul Scheer

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Cause I love these. Righteousness, loyalty, honor, respect, honesty, courage, consistency. These are the seven rules of the samurai. However, in this movie, they've replaced those rules with cooking, running, shooting, fucking, fighting, ponytail maintenance, and soft, soft kisses. We saw samurai cop, so you know.

Jason Mantzoukas

What that means.

Paul Scheer

While whipping Justin to Kelly or maybe see a burlesque show. Wouldn't it crow and take a photo.

Jason Mantzoukas

How did this get made? Hello, people of San Francisco, and hello, people of Earth. I am Tal John Scheer, and welcome to how did this get made today. We are talking about the 1991 action drama classic Samurai Cop, a movie lost for many years and then discovered recently in a vault. We'll get into that in a little bit.

Paul Scheer

I won't list the actors because it won't make a difference, but they are all fucking great. What is this movie about? Well, it's simple. It's about a cop from San Diego via Japan, which I have questions about, who comes to get a gang, who has one briefcase of cocaine.

And then seemingly in about two days, a body count of epic proportions just goes higher and higher every moment as they try to get to the bottom of this case, which they knew who was behind it from the beginning.

This movie is action. This movie is sex. This movie is fun. And it also is a lot of lethal weapon, too. To break down tonight's film, please welcome my co host, Mister Jason Manzoukas.

Jason Mantzoukas

What's up, jerks?

That's right. Give it to me. San Francisco, how we doing?

Fuck yes, Jason. I told this crowd before we started. The show, this is these motherfuckers right here. Yes. These San Francisco motherfuckers got lucky with this movie.

Paul Scheer

This is a movie that people have talked about for a long time here on this podcast. I'll be honest with you, I had an experience watching this movie, which was so interesting and is such a part of this show, which was the high low reaction. High. The highest of highs. Yes.

Jason Mantzoukas

Oh, my God. This is a blast. How have we never done this before? Holy shit. This is incredible.

And then the lowest of lows. If at 13 years in, we still have gold like this, we're gonna be doing this shit forever. That this exists and we haven't done it means there's still work to do. This is what I'm excited about now to the bone. We need it.

Paul Scheer

We need to do it. I mean, look, you know, this is why we do this show, to unearth relics like samurai cop. And there's a person who loves cop movies, who loves soft kisses and loves a good wig. Please welcome to the stage my other. Co host, June Diane Ravio.

Welcome, June. How are you, Paul? I'm doing well. How are you? I'm okay.

June Diane Raphael

I actually. I just want to get one thought out there real quick, is after I saw this, I turned to Paul and I said, I don't think I like kissing. Like, I don't think I like it. I don't like it as an idea. Like, why do we have to kiss?

Jason Mantzoukas

Here's the thing. Kissing. His gross. Watching kissing like this was gross. That being said, that being said, I would take every single soft, gentle, tongue filled kiss in this movie than all of the sex scenes combined in the 50 shades of gray movies that we did last week.

This movie was better sexually than all 350 shades of grey movies combined. Full stop. Here's the thing about the kissing before we move away from it. No, I only want to talk about the kissing. I only want to talk about the kissing.

June Diane Raphael

I think it was shock. I think what I was so confused by was to see so many naked bodies or near naked bodies, only kissing. Well, that was like June. I hate to say. I hate to come down so hard on you.

Jason Mantzoukas

But there was also soft caresses. Well, that is what I want to talk about. I wanted to talk about the hand on leg. And I've never felt more uncomfortable in my life than when his little finger went into her thong underwear. I was like, what is happening here?

Paul Scheer

I don't like him forming a hook. None of it. No one takes off their underwear, but yet they. No, they do fucking so hard. We see Bush in this movie.

June Diane Raphael

We do. Oh, yes, we do. She's the only one, but she unrobes. And I feel like most people are in bed in black underwear. Black underwear or white underwear.

Paul Scheer

And I was watching it and thinking to myself, it's so sexual, but so chaste because there's not even tonkissing. Well, that's the thing. There is tonkissing. Extreme close up of tongue in particular, like the movie, I think, wants the tongue penetration to be the penetration. Yeah.

Jason Mantzoukas

And that's where it is. And I was like, this is like. This is a time when, like, the eroticism of the. Wait, it was. Did you say 91?

Paul Scheer

91. The eighties. The late eighties, I guess the early nineties is tongue kissing and gentle, soft, gentle caresses. Ew to soft. This is where I am.

Jason Mantzoukas

Soft and gentle music. This is where you hear, like, kind of like this, like, saxophone kind of playing. Now, I'll say this as somebody who. I'm a hairy man. I have hair on my body.

Paul Scheer

I was uncomfortable by that one man's weird hair on his body where it was just. It seemed like he had a landing strip of hair down like the calf of his leg. I was like, you know what? Do this man at that point, you gotta have hair all around or you gotta shave it. Like, I feel like.

Well, that's. Jessica Sinclair always says, I want all the hair or none of the hair. You know, it's gotta be one or the other. I gotta put that out as a t shirt. If it's not already.

Jason Mantzoukas

That's a T shirt. I do think, though, what I liked about this movie was everything. Yes. And maybe I'm wrong about this, but I'm gonna go out and boldly say it didn't feel exploitative because it felt like everyone was kinda like, I know what I'm in for, and I'm doing it. Like, the sex scenes are long.

June Diane Raphael

They were so long. I mean, when the first one that we saw, when he's fucking the helicopter pilot. Holy shit. We know. Don't you mean girl cop?

Paul Scheer

Lady. Sorry. I kept writing lady cop when he's. Fucking the lady cop. We know that they're both wearing underwear.

We see it. There's no movement to take off underwear. And then I feel like I was watching, like, a mime version of sex. It was like, there was also. Yes, but there was like, also like.

Jason Mantzoukas

It was like, it's on top of him. And they both stop moving. It's like.

Like, I was like, oh, are they not allowed to now engage in motion? Or does that somehow make it, like, an x rating or something? Because God forbid, like, if someone gets up on top of me, that's when movement is happening. Well, I believe. Yeah.

Paul Scheer

That she was. That he wasn't there. Oh, wait, what? Well, that's wonderful news, actually. Yeah.

Jason Mantzoukas

Oh, you mean because it was the camera? Yeah. I'm sorry. Yes. Because I.

June Diane Raphael

I really thought to myself that one actress who was in the black bikini, who I guess becomes his love interest. The restaurant owner. Yes, the restaurant owner of Blue Lagoon. Even though I thought he was in some sort of a casual relationship with the lady cop. But that woman inexplicably has a black bathing suit with her on her way to church.

But that put that over there for a day. Picked her up from church, brought over. There to his home. Let's not midday. Hold on.

Jason Mantzoukas

Let's just say for a dinner he's cooked in the afternoon, that includes, I believe, a chicken and some sort of casserole in a pyrex. I'm gonna say this. You say this guy has made a casserole. You're saying picked up. I say kidnapped.

Oh, yeah. She has been. I wrote as well, this woman has been abducted. But I also understand that Sunday is often people's laundry day, and she probably was wearing a bathing suit underneath because she'd run out of underwear. I was wondering, does he have a bikini at the house?

It's like, oh, you can throw this on if you want, because we're gonna go in both the ocean and a pool here at my house. I am a San Diego cop on loan to the Los Angeles police department because I am a quote unquote samurai. Okay. There's so much you guys, I really like. I wish we had an agenda or something.

June Diane Raphael

Cause there's so much to get into. 6 hours. Thank God we do. I took the most. I took the most notes on this movie.

Jason Mantzoukas

I really was. I keep on going. So many just lines of dialogue out wholesale. Interesting. I watched it today in the hotel and the way and I set up, I plugged in June.

You gave me an apple tv when I got COVID in Houston. Thank you very much. Give it up for June. I brought. I brought my Apple tv with me.

I hooked it up. I technically bought it. June brought it. No, June. It was June.

Paul Scheer

I bought it. June. She brought it all at Target. Oh, you're right. I was with the kids.

Jason Mantzoukas

Yeah. I said June got it for me. Paul pissed on it. I hooked it up. I started playing the movie.

For some reason, the movie would only play at 100% volume on the tv. I watched this entire movie in a hotel at 100% volume. Which when you know the movie is a, completely adr'd and b, full of gunplay. I was like, what must the people in the other rooms think is going on? And then every once in a while, me stoned, barking out, just laughing so hard while this movie is screaming at me.

June Diane Raphael

Okay, wait, just to go back to. That's hilarious, Jason. 100%. That's so funny. Couldn't turn it down.

That is so funny. At the end, I realized I could put my Airpods on and send it directly to my Airpods. And I did that for the last six minutes. Well, that's a pretty loud scene. That's a pretty loud.

Okay. To go back to the black bathing suit, the black bikini for a second. So there was a point I was really. And I also thought, what church is she going to in Beverly Hills? Yeah, the episcopalian church in Bev Hills.

It's also the way she was dressed. Not to shame a woman ever, but I was like, that's an interesting church outfit. It's just interesting. It's of note. But I was like, maybe she goes to one of the Kardashian churches.

You know, they go to specific church in Beverly Hills, Calabasas. And when she put that black bathing suit on, I was like, oh, maybe those are his bottoms. Like maybe there's a world in which he's putting on those bottoms and for some, and he's purchasing like tops. But he's wearing women's bottom. He's wearing the bikini bottoms as underwear.

I don't know. He is definitely wearing bananas. He's in the banana hammock style underwear. We've seen it a couple times. It opens up in that black.

Jason Mantzoukas

Like, I was this guy Joe samurai, right? But what I'm saying is their bottoms were way too similar from my comfort level. I got what you're saying. By the way, I want to say that I wish women would bring back that style of bikini. Oh, okay, Paul.

June Diane Raphael

I'm listening. Yeah. Any other, any other requests for high quality? I guess. Any other requests for women, Paul, what.

Else do you want from us? Let them own restaurants. Let them fly helicopters. Let them do the things that women can do. When the lady cop turned to the weird, like, older cop and was like, well, we don't have to be anywhere you want to fuck.

Jason Mantzoukas

I was like, she was stunned. I was like, what? On what planet has this movie existed and why is it playing so loud? But also, that comes on the heels, because I think at a certain point, you're like, at least I feel like. Oh, they have a thing.

Paul Scheer

Lady cop and Samurai cop. I like this. And then the next scene after their sex scene, samurai cop's like, yeah, so is fucking this other woman. And she's like, hey. He's like, don't worry, babe.

You're still good. And she's like, all right. And then he proceeds to hit on every woman. He grabs a woman by the hair. And is absolute garbage at it.

Jason Mantzoukas

I think the movie thinks he's got some sort of Riz. That's right. But he does not. And I love my favorite scene is when he's flirting with the doctor, who immediately is like, yeah, you want to take me out? Yeah, you want to fuck me?

And then she grabs his dick and is like, nah, too small. Are you circumcised? Did they chop off too much? I was like, gulp. What?

June Diane Raphael

That scene I have, I have not stopped thinking of. I assume he has every other scene after that. He has no dick as far as I'm concerned. Let's take a look at that scene just so we can refresh our memory. Scene three.

Jason Mantzoukas

What's going on, Steve? Not much, sir. This guy is giving everything to the movie. Can we pause for 1 second and just give an applause break for this cop? He's doing next level stuff.

In one scene, he's like this. He leans on nothing.

Paul Scheer

He, by the way, whoa, this is supposed to be a hospital. It looks like an actor's waiting room. I've never seen a hospital where they line up twelve chairs down the hallway. My favorite for you to wait at. This hospital, though, is that the patient they're protecting has had, like, serious, serious burns.

June Diane Raphael

Burns. Surgery burns. And is in, like, an intensive ICU level wound care situation. But right next to him is a dentist office. But.

Jason Mantzoukas

Oh, and here's the thing. And when they exit the hospital that they're in, it's very clearly an apartment building. This hospital, it's not a hospital at all. This location is five locations. I will also point out that before they go in to see the burned victim.

Paul Scheer

Who's next to the dentist's office. Right in front of the waiting area is a cigarette machine. Oh, yeah. I don't think that they would have a burn victim next to, like, they would keep them in a different area. And I will say this.

When we watch this scene. And if you won't be able to see it, if you're just listening. Just know that in the burn victim's room. They have a nice, like, one of his shirt hung up on the wall. As if, like, this man was on fire.

Clearly that shirt burnt. But they're like, well, we gotta save his shirt. And so his shirt is hung up on the wall, which is great. Here you go. Take a look at what happens with the nurse.

Oh, sorry. The doctor and our samurai cop.

Jason Mantzoukas

Hello. Hi. How is he? Do you think he'd be able to answer a few questions? No way.

June Diane Raphael

His lips are burned. So what? He'll never be able to talk again. Oh, he'll talk again. But you just have to give him a couple of weeks.

Do you like what you see? I love what I see. Would you like to touch what you see? Yes. Yes, I would.

Would you like to go out with me? Uh huh. Yes, I will. Can you pause for 1 second? I'm so sorry.

Jason Mantzoukas

The partner's reactions going forward. Everybody. Everybody who this movie is shot all in singles. And everybody you can clear. They're just running through, like, facial expressions.

Like, do this, do that. Everything from now on is incredible. Go ahead. It is truly like, I respect it and I'm uncomfortable by it. And I don't know why I brought this comparison.

Paul Scheer

But I will say, like, what Michael Winslow does with sound in the police academy movies. He is doing purely with faces. And that's probably the best way I can. It's very commedia dell'arte. Here we go.

June Diane Raphael

Fuck me.

Jason Mantzoukas

Bingo. Well, then, let's see what you've got.

June Diane Raphael

Doesn't interest me. Nothing there. Nothing there.

Jason Mantzoukas

Just exactly what would interest you? Something the size of a jumbo jet.

That's a take two camera. Yeah, I have. Why? Well, your doctor must have cut a big portion of it off. No, he.

He was a good doctor. Good doctors make mistakes too. That's why they buy insurance. Hey, don't worry. I got enough.

It's big. I want bigger.

Incredible, incredible stuff. I will say this. You all read it like she was taking him down a peg. I read it like, this is a woman who likes to fuck guys with big dicks, and he's not packing enough for her. I feel like, yeah, okay.

Yeah, yeah, oh, yeah, okay. So she was into it until she felt his dick, which we have no coverage of, and he has. The reaction happens below. They frame out when there's so much stuff that they just frame, like, out just to the waist, and then they're like, oh, stuff's going on under there. Like, when the guy comes on and to this partner, they're gonna cut his dick off.

They're like, all right. And the guy reaches below frame with his knife and is like, you better tell us what we want to know. We're going to cut this off. And it's, like, just below frame. But also, when they do cut wide, he's wearing underwear, black underwear, and he get.

Paul Scheer

And we start that scene with him getting out of the shower with a towel around his waist. So they make. I just like the idea. So you put your underwear on first, and then you dry off? Yes.

Jason Mantzoukas

And then you put a towel on. Yeah. Just. Just in case someone's trying to cut your dick off. Here's the thing about this woman.

June Diane Raphael

I had a different reading of it. I think she intended to humiliate him. I don't think there was any size that she was going to be comfortable with. And I love her, and I don't. I feel like.

Jason Mantzoukas

I feel like it really frames Joe Samurai in a very different way in all the subsequent sexual interactions. Absolutely. It is a really surprising scene. And for your third scene of the movie to basically emasculate your lead character. Who you've said already, with the helicopter cop, is getting women.

He's meant to be a. That's supposed to be his thing. Yes. She's not supposed to be a playboy. She's the only one not interested, and I want to know why.

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Jason Mantzoukas

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Paul Scheer

When I watched this movie, all I kept on thinking was, he envisions himself as Sylvester Stallone, but, like, his life is actually this. He's like, I'm pretty cool. Like Sylvester. Like, he carries himself without, thinks he's Steven Seagal. Oh, that's where I feel like.

Jason Mantzoukas

And, June, this is where I'd love your opinion, because I wrote here very early. We may need to start with wig talk, because. Yeah, I don't know what's up in this movie, but this hair, is this hair some real nonsense. I know. And I'm so.

June Diane Raphael

I'm so worried about time. I feel okay. So, I think he has the hair of every Charlie's angel over the course of the movie. It's so crazy. Okay.

Jason Mantzoukas

These are. This is the opening shot. The baseball hat and the ponytail are exceptionally bizarre. I mean, that's wild. This is the sexual lead of the movie.

Paul Scheer

And what makes it even weirder is he does have that hair for some of it. Like, he has a real hair. He has hair. He doesn't have that hair. Right.

Not that hair. This is so much hair. And, you know, I have founded. Honestly, first of all, I want to say. I'm going to say something, but I want to preface it by saying no disrespect to the wonderful hair artists and wig artists who work in our industry.

June Diane Raphael

And they are what's a beautiful, beautiful craft. But I can only imagine that the person who was responsible for doing this wig had never worked with a wig before. Well, can I tell you what happened, June? I know this to be true. What happened was this actor thought the movie had wrapped and cut his hair.

And cut his hair. Yeah. And then they called him in eight months later. They're not even reshoots. We have to finish the movie just shoots, shoots.

Jason Mantzoukas

We've got shoots. And the director flipped out. He's like, you cut your hair. He goes, yeah, well, the movie's over. He's like, no, it's not.

How much was left? Because he's wearing that wig for, I'm gonna say, 85% of the movie. Like, over 60%. And so the director grabbed him by the hand, put him in a car, stopped at the first wig shop, grabbed the first wig that they saw off a mannequin, said, that's your hair now. And that was it.

You can't tell that.

You absolutely can. It's terrible. I mean, there's a fight scene, scene six here where his wig comes off and on.

Paul Scheer

Yeah.

June Diane Raphael

No way. So that's real hair? Yeah. Mean, not that. That's real.

Jason Mantzoukas

Real incredible stuff. This guy sells the whole movie. This guy makes the whole movie work. He's got the hair, legs. Real.

So much just posturing. I love this. I loved it. I love the movie. Oh, no.

Also, can we pause for one sec? We also wait. Where did all the green. They used to be in a lush green environment, and now they are in some sort of desertscape. Every scene is.

Paul Scheer

The scene is it's inception. The world is changing around them at every moment. And they match those shots with music changes. It's so abrupt. It's like different cut, different song.

Okay, sorry. Go ahead. Oh, wig. There it was. All right, wig.

And now wig, wig, wig. Awesome. Real hair. Green, green, lush, green.

Jason Mantzoukas

That's a whole other place. This is where railroad tracks are. Well, I mean, this is this movie. They opened this movie by showing you this villain as, like, this is the big bad. And he has a house that overlooks a public basketball court.

Paul Scheer

Like, everybody's house. Every crime lord's house is more depressing than the next. Well, that's. None of them are successful. They are.

June Diane Raphael

The cop, paid with tax dollars, has the nicest home in this movie. How does Joe Samurai have that house? Yes, the beach house. How does Joe Samurai have the beach house? Well, he says he owns it.

Paul Scheer

He owns it from month to month. Well, that's fine if he rents it, but even still. But it seemed like he was only there for a day. And I will say this. And is that in San Diego?

Jason Mantzoukas

Is he commuting? Well, I am. Maybe he took her all the way back to San Diego. It's easier to abduct. Beverly Hills to San Diego is a quicker trip than Beverly Hills to downtown.

Paul Scheer

It's true. You gotta look it up. I will say that the other cop whose wife is brutally killed in the. Captain, or whatever he is. He's not the captain.

June Diane Raphael

He's like, captain. He's just another street. They come into his house, and he's lifting, like, five pound weights. He's lifting five pound weights while his wife is not watching tv in a recliner, not watching him also with her top completely open. Yeah, well, no, they rip it open.

Oh, they do. They go full droogs on her. But that house, if you look at all, at anything in that house, it's all karate magazines, framed karate magazines, and a giant karate trophy in the living room. And this character doesn't do karate. This character doesn't.

Paul Scheer

That is not part of his story. But everything, like, you're waiting for him to like, well, you'll do karate. Of course. I genuinely felt so bad for this guy because when they cut his wife's throat. Okay, so the bad guy is.

Jason Mantzoukas

Is his name Robert Zadar? Yes. Is that his name? Zadar? I know his last name is Zadar.

Paul Scheer

Robert Zadar. Robert Zadar from Tango and cash? Yes. I was like, I know. We've seen him before.

Jason Mantzoukas

He is the bad guy enforcer. Who is the other samurai. Of course, this movie has two samurai in it, and it is Robert Zadar and this fucking guy. When Robert Zadar, he's got a katana to the wife's throat, and he just slowly drags it. It's just like, do do do do do.

It's so crazy the way that they. Chop off people's heads in this movie. It's like slicing deli meat. It's even when they cut out that burn victim's head, it's like.

Well, this is. Why would you take the weirdest thing? No, why would you cut his head. Off in the hospital? Easier.

June Diane Raphael

I don't know. Here's the weird thing. And maybe you noticed this at 100% volume, Jason. But all of the deaths are so silent. Silent.

Even the wife, like the cop's wife, when she's getting her. Her throat slit, she doesn't cry out. She doesn't fight. You give them the satisfaction of that. There's so much soft violence and soft kisses.

Jason Mantzoukas

And soft, gentle kisses. But there is so many loud footsteps. They're putting at 100% volume. Do yourself a favor. There is like, every time there's like, in the hospital, it's like.

Paul Scheer

Well, damn. It, Joshua, we're gonna kill you now. You know, the. I was like, what the fuck is this? By the way?

June Diane Raphael

I think this was a problem with the hotel tv. I feel like you're blaming it on Apple tv that I gave you, and I don't think it has anything to do. No, the apple tv is flawless. I think the Foley work on this movie is absolutely, absolutely bananas. Well, here's the thing.

Paul Scheer

A lot of the actors wouldn't come back to do their ADR lines, so the director just decided to disguise his voice and tone it up and tone it down. When the New York guy, when the gang of New York toughs arrive, they all speak like this. Are you going? They speak like robots. When Pee wee Herman has a cameo in his Beijing.

Jason Mantzoukas

Mister Herman, mister. Like, they're all doing that. I do want to talk about San Diego for a second. And the fact that this cop is from San Diego and is a samurai expert and an expert trained in Japan. Trained in Japan.

June Diane Raphael

Just living and working in San Diego. Speaks Japanese speaks Japanese but is confused on how to say fujiyama. Hey, you, Mister Fuji Fujifilm. It was just such an interesting choice because I'm like, I've never known any expertise to come from San Diego. Like, it doesn't seem, and I don't mean to be rude, I just don't agree.

I don't. Wait, wait. June, you and I remember we met. That FBI agent is a federal booty inspector in San Diego. He had that shirt on, and they.

Just make such a big deal out of it. And yet it was so hard because I'm like, oh, I absolutely believe this guy is from San Diego. But then by default, then he cannot be good at his job. There's no way. He's an.

Jason Mantzoukas

He's like, he is. If he is as good as he is, what's he doing in San Diego? Why would he ever land there? Well, he's like, he just busted the yakuza in San Diego. He's on it.

He knows everything that's up. By the way, this yakuza is the dumbest organization of all time because the yakuza, they're doing a drug deal. This is just the katana gang. Oh, sorry, the katana gang. What's katana short for?

Paul Scheer

Japanese sword. It's not, though. Nihito is japanese sword. Anyway, I looked it up.

When they're doing this drug deal, this is the first scene that we kind of see. There's a guy in a van. He may have the money or the drugs. I'm not quite sure. They're meeting up with two other guys who are getting on a rental boat, not a regular boat.

And it looks like they just went, like, a block away from the marina, a water block, a water block by boat to an area where they are so much more conspicuous, because they're the only people like they are. And especially to the helicopter. The helicopter should be able to see everything that's going on. And she's like, we lost them. And they're like, we lost them too.

Jason Mantzoukas

And when you look at the morons who are perpetrating the drug deal in broad daylight, you're like, this is insane. What then happens is a montage, a chase montage, the whole. This whole montage of the drug deal. And then the chase incorporates every mode of transportation that exists currently in the world. It felt to me, fans, cars, choppers, boats, everything, and none of it makes sense.

Paul Scheer

It felt to me like an old, like, game that you would play in an arcade where it's like. Cause it's like, here's a guy. Oh, he's hanging out of the van. Bang, bang, bang, bang. What was amazing is, because the movie is Adr'd, they do a thing where they use lines over and over again.

Jason Mantzoukas

So in this section, shoot, shoot him, is one of them. Joe Samurai says it, that phrase, shoot, shoot him over and over. They just plop it in over it. And then you got him. Yeah, I got him.

They used that multiple times. It's just cutting and pasting ADR lines just over. Shit. Did you think. Did you all think that the first time the lady cup in the helicopter and Joe Samurai met was in that scene?

June Diane Raphael

Because it seemed like they were meeting for the first time and exchanging some very, like, sexually charged. Keep it up and ready. Keep it up and ready. You keep it warm, I'll keep it warm and ready. All the stuff.

That stuff is happening in that scene. But she's in a helicopter. Yeah. At the end of the scene. At the end of the scene, he is outside of the car.

Jason Mantzoukas

Now. He's not on the radio. He's outside of the car. Him and his partner, they've done the chase. They've shot the guys.

They've done all this stuff. And then he has a conversation with the woman in the helicopter. He has no method of communication. He's not doing this. There's no walking, talking.

June Diane Raphael

There's no. He's just saying things out loud. He's talking to her, and she is responding in kind. What I felt for her in that helicopter, because clearly they didn't afford a helicopter could fly. They had to shoot different scenes.

Paul Scheer

I think a lot of those scenes were shot with that helicopter, either just on the ground and just tight on the window, and it could. What was so smart, too, is the very first scene. She's like, I'm just landing. So all they did, all they had to shoot in the helicopter was this, because. And they're like, oh, don't land.

Jason Mantzoukas

Take off again. And she's like, okay. And then what world in the middle of a bus would you be like, well, I'm landing. I thought that was the whole thing. They're going on a bus.

Paul Scheer

But anyway, they're in that helicopter. And what I recognized and what I see in this movie the entire time is very hot locations. So she's in this. She's in this helicopter. Doors are closed, and everybody's sweating right under the eyes, right on the nose.

It's like, I'm like, guys, get a tissue. Everybody just needs to pat everyone down. Everyone needs to be patted down. Is full of sweaty, sweaty people in a way that I was like, yeah, it looks hot. I mean, they ran over the good guys, ran over someone and didn't even attempt to swerve.

June Diane Raphael

Listen, there was, at the very end, Joe Samurai's partner says to him, before he almost kills this guy with a sword, he says, you're a cop. Yeah, and I was screaming that the whole time. The casual disregard for human life is shocking. When they, in the section where he's like, shoot him. Shoot him.

Jason Mantzoukas

You got him, like it's a video game. And then the bad guys throw the guy out the back of the van, which is what we're talking about. The guy gets in the street, and they don't swerve to avoid him. They run him over completely. Yeah.

Paul Scheer

And then they cut back to him. Like, because this movie is also a team rules. Everybody's like, shot. But, okay. Nobody seems to really.

June Diane Raphael

I don't know. I don't know. I thought a lot of people died. I actually, at a certain point, was trying to calculate the loss of human life. Yeah, too many.

Paul Scheer

I mean, a man's head was cut off, and I just was dying to see it on the piano. Yeah, we never. I was gonna say we never saw that. I feel like this movie is made by and aimed at amateur stuntmen. I feel like that's what the movie seems to be, a series of amateur stuntmen performance.

Jason Mantzoukas

I am amateur. Okay. This seems like a YouTube backyard wrestling style. It's got a lot of WWE big wrestling energy. There is a moment when that guy is on fire.

Paul Scheer

And I was like, whoa, they got a fire effect in this movie. And they're like. And you could tell that the guy was like, oh, is the scene over? He's like, ah, ah. He looks up totally fine, and they cover everything but his head.

When they go to put him out, it's like, well, put out his body, not his flaming head. They're terrible cops.

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Jason Mantzoukas

The best cop in the movie is the captain is the guy who just, every time they cut to this guy and he's chewing someone out, I was like, give me this. All day, every day. The guy who he shot all of his, because he's really only in one. He's in one location. There's one angle on him, and he's standing at the desk or sitting at the desk screaming, you know, and that's it.

June Diane Raphael

And I was like, oh, wow. He might have shot out all of his scenes in one day. I hope for him. I hope so. Cause he was electric to watch.

He really was. I hope he wasn't inconvenienced by a nasty film schedule. I mean, what he did is the single best piece of acting I've ever seen. Where he goes, he's like, get the fuck outta here. And then he holds his finger and you're like, oh, any minute they're gonna cut away from the scene.

Paul Scheer

Beat, beat, beat. He's holding beat. It's like, well, I guess they're not. And then he realizes, I guess they're not gonna call cut. And he goes back in his chair, sits there, and he starts laughing to himself like crazy son of a bitch.

Jason Mantzoukas

It's like the captain behind the captain, on his left hand side, is a pencil sharpener that lived in my house for my entire life. So evocative to me. I was like, whoa, I'm having a Bruce Madeleine scenario where I was like, I am having a sense memory about that pencil sharpener. Me too. It was so evocative.

June Diane Raphael

The other prop that we're gonna need to talk about is the lion in the opposite. I really. Yes. I almost texted you, Paul, to say, can the lion head be the screensaver for the show? That would have been great, because the.

Jason Mantzoukas

Lion head, I wrote about it. I wrote, listen, this is a real note. I wrote in my notes, if you are in the room next to me, I apologize for the fact that my tv is stuck so loud and also that I am laughing hysterically and that I wrote that at the moment where the lion head was established because this blew my entire mind. The lion head is framed so much in the shot that I was waiting for it to go wilp. Yeah.

I would go out on all day. With him if I were you. I would say the lion gives the most human performance in the movie. Look at those eyes. The lion.

The lion is so compelling to watch. I was 1000% more interested in the lion. More attracted to the lion. I wanted to know why than Joe Samurai. I wanted to know why the lion.

Where did the lion comes? So many questions. But this director constantly does this. Like he is incapable of framing a shot where the actor is the center of it. Even that woman who checks out his dick, the doctor, she's framed by a dentist office sign.

Paul Scheer

Like, you can't take your eyes off the dentist. See, here's what he does so well. And I really want to shine a light on this director for a second. I know we're all having our laughs and we're all having a good time. A little career spotlight.

June Diane Raphael

I do think that there are moments in this film where that woman outside the dentist office, that doctor, and what happened between the two of them, it forced me to ask so many questions of her, of myself. And the same thing happened to me with this lion where I was like, I think I understand her dad committed suicide. Yeah. Oh, so beautifully handled, by the way. Oh, so beautiful.

Beautifully handled. Alfonso. Okay. The actor, do we have it? Do we have Alfonso?

Paul Scheer

Yes. Okay. As long as I know we have it. June, please continue. No, but I'm just saying there were choices made in this film.

Well, here's the thing that you might think like. Oh, they improvised a lot. The main actor of the film, Joe Samurai, said they were forbidden to change word. Perfect. Thank you.

Jason Mantzoukas

Perfect. And I love that about this movie because it is a complicated. It's a complicated relationship. Yes. And why this lion is here.

June Diane Raphael

And at points I thought, is this lion her father? Oh, yeah. Why is this lion in the office of the restaurant? Arguably a seafood restaurant? It feels to me like the kind of thing that I did feel like.

Jason Mantzoukas

And this occurred to me in the scene with the drug deal where there's the suitcases full of drugs or money. It felt to me like everything in the movie. The set decoration was all. They, like, emptied out like a Salvation army. Everything.

They took everything. And we're like, whatever's in here, it's in the movie. Okay. Because here's my question. This lion is, I don't think that this is a piece that was meant to be mounted on a wall.

Paul Scheer

Where do you think it should be? You think it's a mask? I don't know. That's definitely. Here's what's supposed to be mounted.

Jason Mantzoukas

Here's what I'm saying. One of our fans will be able to will someone recreate and send us this lion's head? I think we'll travel to some sort. Of arts and crafts type of thing. It's not like a replica of some sort of big game that you'd hunt and put on a wall, but that's what it's.

Paul Scheer

That's what it's aping. It's like aping, like, a lion's head on the wall. Like, I shot this on safari, but instead it's yarn. I knitted this. I knitted this on safari.

I knitted it by watching the animal. Planet just forces me to ask so many questions. I will decorate after her lion is the most interesting actor in the movie. I will say this. While you were questioning the lion, I was questioning that he walked out of her office which seemingly was on the second floor and into a dance club.

Jason Mantzoukas

Yes. Where they were maybe having dance. I mean, he all of a sudden encounters men who I think are about to audition for Chippendales. And I'm like, what is this seafood. Restaurant that looks like every cut?

It seems to be a different location. Like, again, that this office doesn't look like it's the office of the seafood restaurant. The dance, the discotheque that they walk, that he walks into afterwards. Also, he gets all the way to the guys where they put a gun against his head before he seems to notice that they're even there. He's a Terrible Cop.

He's bad at his Job. He's garbage as a flirt. This guy's a real Pile of. I genuinely wonder what he thinks his job is like, what he thinks that he's supposed to be doing. He thinks sex and flirting is because this movie has a number of things and says a number of things, one of which is this idea about keeping it warm.

June Diane Raphael

Like it comes up, never want to hear. Numerous times he says, I may stop by later, so keep it warm. He does one of these. Keep it warm? What do you mean?

Jason Mantzoukas

At which point I will be like, somebody arrests this man. We all know that old Adage that women's vaginas are bread boxes and guys dicks are loaves of bread. Keep it warm. That's the thing is, like, if you're not prepared, like, their vagina can get so cold. Keep it.

Paul Scheer

Keep your legs together. I might come by later, so keep it warm. Warm. Yeah. I don't want to have one of.

Jason Mantzoukas

Those cold vaginas, you know, from a cold la night. I love that this movie had a gang who brunches. And when we see that gang at brunch, love it. Which is one scene which is shot in at least seven different locations, one of them being the director's office on the last day of shooting the movie. Is that right?

Paul Scheer

Yes. Wow. So we watched. Let's just watch for a second, just to see. That's scene four, the restaurant scene.

See how many locations you can pick out. And also pay attention to the sweat. Innocent until he's proven guilty. You have nothing on me. Oh, I got a lot of shit on you.

Jason Mantzoukas

I'll sue you and the department for this insult to my client. I'll file the case first thing in the morning. What room is he in? You still have three or 4 hours before the courthouse closes.

Now I'm telling these son of a bitches that we respect the Japanese at this time. Can we pause for 1 second? Just keep in mind he's in a room with molding around the doors. Like every single is a different location completely. It's as if this one private dining room is all walls.

Paul Scheer

There's no way in or out. And various styles of walls who are honest businessmen. And yeah, this is the land of opportunity for legitimate business, not for death merchants who distribute drugs. Why is he looking up there? Schools and on the streets now I'm telling these motherfuckers.

Jason Mantzoukas

There, he's talking. Continue killing our children to make their precious millions that they deposit in their secret swiss bank account. What's up there, counselor? Before your lawsuit even gets out the. Car, it's cue cards.

Right? I'll have their stinking bodies and garbage bags and ship them back to Japan for fertilizer. Got it, got it, got it. I mean, that monologue is incredible. It is.

June Diane Raphael

Because I do think that that's the movie's attempt at giving us some backstory on why he does what he does, which I guess is for the children.

Paul Scheer

Yeah, I guess so. I guess. I guess this group has that one suitcase of cocaine is going out to all the kids of California. Well, that's the problem with the movie is like, the drug dealers are like, the drug industry. The illegal drug industry is not doing well.

Jason Mantzoukas

I'm rooting for the drug dealers to succeed because compared to Joe Samurai, who lives in a mansion on the beach, they are living in shared hovels. Joe Samurai walks out of his living room down a couple of rocks and is at the Pacific Ocean like the movie. And he has a pool. Yeah. The movie has made an egregious error.

If you have that location, give it. To the bad guys. That is a total bad guys lair. No, the bad guys lair is a defender arcade machine with a Poland spring water bottle like a bubbler next to it. I got creeped out.

Paul Scheer

Oof. And then you have three bodyguards in there like, oh, God, why would you even need three bodyguards? All of it was upsetting, and I'll talk about this. They pour hot oil on the lady cops. And I kept on thinking, what is she making?

French fries? How can so much hot oil in there? Hang on. She is at the. She's at the stove, right?

Jason Mantzoukas

She takes the thing frying pan off the stove, goes to the freezer. She goes to the freezer, opens it, bends down to do I don't know what, cool it off, comes back up and is back up at the thing. I was haunted by doing what. She also has a large bandage on her calf. I didn't see that.

Which I was unsettled by. I didn't see that. Maybe Joe Samurai tried to put it in the wrong place. Right here. Yeah, with his little dick.

June Diane Raphael

I I really wonder. So when she went to the freezer, I was like, is she cooling off the oil? Like, did it get too hot? But that amount of oil, just business. What was she doing with it?

Latkes. I mean, how does she.

Jason Mantzoukas

I need to make sense of it. Sunday is latke day. Frozen latkes. Of course. It's the only thing that makes sense.

She's preparing frozen latkes. By the way, can we just talk about the timeline of that day? Our lady gets out of church, let's say, conservatively, she gets out of church at 10:00 a.m.

Holy shit.

Paul Scheer

That should be the shirt. Lady cop latkes. Oh, my God. I love that. Just her with a pan, smiling.

All right, so the timeline of Sunday, let's say she gets out of church, conservatively, 945, 10:00 a.m. Early morning church. She's going, she's going to church at like 730 mass. Keep in mind, the night before was her birthday. No, no, today it's her birthday.

Jason Mantzoukas

I know he makes her the cake, but I thought the night before Sunday is when he asked her for Saturday night. Didn't she say it's my birthday? She said she works. Sunday is her birthday. I see.

My mistake. I'm so sorry, San Francisco. But I was upset that he didn't say happy birthday when he first saw her. So. All right, so she could say she gets out at 10:00 a.m.

Paul Scheer

Then they drive to his house. So now it's about eleven. They have a nice dinner at about noon. So about noon. Then they go to the beach, which probably is close by.

Jason Mantzoukas

Sorry. But they get a swim. They get in the swimsuit, they go down to the beach. They gingerly walk over rocks. Say they spend about an hour there.

Paul Scheer

They figure, we're done with the ocean, let's go to the pool. They go to the pool. It's about. And they have fun in that pool. And, you know, I appreciate adults having fun in a pool setting.

I liked her. I really love her. I thought she was the best actress. When she went to go dive off that board and did a funny, you know, jump in. I can't find a thing about her anywhere.

She does not exist online. She was disappeared after this movie. Yes, they brought back her character, but not the actress in the sequel. What do you mean, there's a sequel. There is a GoFundMe sequel that came out in a couple years ago.

Oh, a recent CEO, 2015. Wow. Samurai cop. Blink, blink, blink. What?

But I think it's, like, birdemic, too. Like, they're in on the joke. They get it. Okay. Yeah.

So it's not that good. You're gonna get your mind blown when I tell you some other details about what's happened since the end of this movie. But she disappeared. You can't find a picture of her. This is the only credit she has on IMDb.

Oh, my God. She was great. She's amazing. She's really good. But again, timeline.

So then they come back for birthday cake. It's like three now. I'm really rushing the day. And then they have sex. And let's say that's five minutes.

June Diane Raphael

Bright, bright sunlight. It's so slow. It's so slow and tender. It's lots of delicate butterfly kisses down her body. I was like, I don't know what's up.

I felt like I was watching him just lying in bed sideways kissing the entire movie, and it was very distressing. Yeah, I felt like he also had hover hand over every woman's ass, which I appreciated as being kind to, you know, his fellow performer. He doesn't. But it also felt like he wasn't fully comfortable to be grabbing ass. It was like, there's like, it's here.

Paul Scheer

Yeah, it's here, but it's don't. It's not gonna. It's not a crazy shot. That is like, they're moving, and it moves. The camera goes it, like, almost into her ass, right?

Jason Mantzoukas

It goes like, it's. It's close up close. It's extreme close up on her ass. Then it reverses, and it's on his ass while he carries her to the bed. And I was like, what the.

The fuck is going on? And, you know, the director is like, I know exactly what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna match cut these two asses, and it's gonna. And everybody's gonna cream when her ass. When her ass comes into frame.

Paul Scheer

No camera should be that cl. It was fine, but it was like, is it still coming into frame? It's still coming. It felt like I was watching a car accident. No, no, no.

It's gonna come. It's coming too close. It's coming too close. Like, it was just, like, the ass filled the frame. There's a lot of shots in this movie that I was like, oh, this scene.

Jason Mantzoukas

This shot rather worked up until this moment. Now, it's either too blurry, too much. Why didn't they edit prior to this? Why are they. They're going to the case in point when the wig comes off and then goes back on.

Why include that? Why not edit just before that mistake happens? Yeah. And why not take that wig? Like, what I would give to have had some time with that wig.

June Diane Raphael

And I'm not a wig crafts person, but, like, I would. I feel I could do something. I could cut into it. I could take out that wig. They needed to take out roughly 85% of the hair.

Jason Mantzoukas

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's too much. It looked like malignant. It looks like there's so much.

Maybe there's absolutely a good. Looks like there's so much hair that it's trying to cover up a face on the back there. Maybe there's a good cop on the back of him. He's the cop that is coming out. And that's why we don't see him at night.

Paul Scheer

Before we go to the crowd to take some questions. Get your questions ready. Oh, my God. But I have so many other notes. I do.

Jason Mantzoukas

It looks like this is his last fuck. And they go, let him finish. He's like, nope. And then he wrestles with the sliding glass tour for way too long. Shoot him through the door.

He's like, hey, get out of there.

Paul Scheer

Sliding glass doors, if they're not open, it's a real embarrassment. I mean, this, the movie is, I think, mocking his impotent rage. He can't. He can't even get through the door. This guy's dick doesn't work so much.

Okay, we'll play this scene. I'll go out into the audience, scene five, and you'll know what it is. Her name is Jennifer. She's this Alfonso? Yep, the boss.

Jason Mantzoukas

You mean she owns this place? Her mother owns the place. Where's her father? Bang. Killed.

Who shot him? He. Who? Him. Who's him?

Himself. Oh, he committed suicide? Yes. Listen, when you see Jennifer alone, tell her. Tell her I think she's very lovely.

I'll do that. Tell her. Tell her. Have the same hair. Good.

I'll help you. Oh, yeah? Yeah. I like cops. My cousins have come.

Oh, really? Where? In Costa Rica. Oh, good. What's your name?

Alfonso. El. Federico Sebastian. This is my first name. What's your last name?

Oh, that's all right. We just need your first name. Thank you. Bye. I have a theory on this.

If the theory is give this guy an Oscar, then I am in agreement.

Paul Scheer

I didn't realize it the first time I saw it because I was enjoying it so much. This is. Is a rip on Bronson Pinchot in Beverly Hills cop. Oh, yeah. They're like, oh, we need our crazy.

Oh, don't be ridiculous, Axman. It's also got some real, like, who's on first elements to it, where there's a lot of confusion amongst what's being. Like, what the details are. But here's the thing about this performance. It's realized, yeah.

June Diane Raphael

After seeing this, I was like, June, like, take more risks. Like, I'm gonna. Whenever I will say, whenever I'm upset from now on, whenever I'm on set, I'm gonna think, what would alfonso do with this? Truly? He bang himself.

Jason Mantzoukas

He bang himself. I mean, he bang himself is the best way to talk about suicide. It takes some stigma off of it. Oh, yeah, Todd, he banged himself.

Is that what the Ricky Martin song is about? All right, let's go to the crowd. Let's see what questions you have about samurai cop.

Paul Scheer

All right, here we go. Hi, how are you? You have a notebook? Hi. All right, so what's your name and your question, Sheehan?

Jason Mantzoukas

The question was, did you guys read the Wikipedia page where they were talking. About the fact that the actors were purposefully ruining scenes? This is what I think is revisionist history. Right? Like, the actors, like, well, I made myself be a terrible actor because he said, oh, I thought the dialogue was so bad, I would do a terrible line.

Paul Scheer

Read of it. No going. The room was a comedy. Don't believe it for a second. I don't think so.

Jason Mantzoukas

So it's after you. The answer is no, I didn't read the Wikipedia page. I did. I did read the Wikipedia page. Don't prepare.

I read that can be screamed at me from the tv. I am not reading. Okay. Yes. Your name, your question.

June Diane Raphael

Hi, my name is Erika Ishii, and I was wondering if you could speak to Joe Samurai, actors history, as a Sylvester Stallone bodyguard and then a perpetrator of an art burglary. Wait a minute. Okay, so I was about to bring up the art burglary. What I will bring up. Cause I have my notes about.

Paul Scheer

Yes. Joe Samurai served prison time for being a part of an art robbery in. Beverly Hills after this movie. After this movie. Was it the art gallery in Beverly Hills, cop one.

And Bronson Pinchot was there? No, but yes. So he was a part of, and I believe. And my notes are up there. But a group of stuntmen who see the stunt coordinator from this movie put together a group of stunt people to rob a painting, by the way.

Jason Mantzoukas

Fuck, yeah. Home run idea. Wow. Where's that movie? Wait, hold on.

Paul Scheer

I know. I actually was like, this is a great movie idea. It really is. And they were. What painting was it?

I have it up there. I'll tell you more about it. But it is a. He went to jail for quite a long period of time. Oh, my.

Missed out on the success of this film because. Or the cult success of this film because he was in jail and then got out. But many people thought he was dead. Because he was in jail, because he was so out. Is there any way that our lead actress, his love interest, is in jail?

No, because he's been interviewed extensively. I don't know. If anyone has any information about her, please let me know, but I don't know about her. And also, call the authorities. But he.

Now, I didn't know about the Sylvester Stallone thing. What's the Sylvester Stallone thing? So, supposedly, since he was a bodyguard for Sylvester Stallone, that's how he got into acting and then how he got a taste for the rich life and why he decided to steal the painting. Wait, so he stole. Okay, wait, hold on.

He stole the painting to get some money because he was already living this 1% lifestyle as a bodyguard. Bean Sly's bodyguard gave him access to that kind of life, and he then wanted more? Yes. I'm surprised he didn't steal one of Sly's paintings. If you are in costume, I do come to you.

And we do have a samurai cop right here. Stand up. Show everybody your samurai cop wig. Everything a perfect costume. Everything down.

Oh, and with a samurai sword or a part of it. Oh, God. Don't worry about it. He doesn't have the full thing. All right, do you have a question?

I do. My name's Mike. So my question really is knowing that you're gonna tell us in a few minutes how the budget. I will. I don't know if I will have the answers for this.

It's $5,000. That was it. That's $5,000 on this movie. Did you make $5,000? Ever spent $5,000 on this movie?

That's a 91. So that's like 12,000 now. So my big question is, did everybody on set know that they were making a turd burger, or did they think that they were making the next lethal weapon? You know, I think that, like, with all these movies, people don't set out. They don't know what's going on.

I think retroactively people say different things, but I think a lot of the times you're working on these things, like, maybe. Oh, and I think maybe it's exciting. I think you're a lot. I'm sure a lot of these people were very excited to be in a movie that was happening. Like, that's.

Jason Mantzoukas

I mean, that's got to be wild and exciting news. It's finally happening. But at some point where they like, wait a minute. All right. Hi.

Paul Scheer

Your name and your question. Hi, my name is Chris. So at the scene where they were gonna cut that gentleman's business off, did anybody notice that the switchblade was a comb? What? Really?

Oh, my God. I believe it. I love it. All right. I love it.

Jason Mantzoukas

And they just, like, combed his pubes. Well, imagine how long it would take to cut off someone's dick with a comb. Oh, yeah. Very painful. You break a lot of those teeth.

Paul Scheer

Your name? Your question? My name is Andrew. If they had double the budget, what do you think the director would change or do? Or what would you want them to do?

Double the budget? I mean, I think so. We're talking about $10,000. This is not. Yeah, this is not a hilarious answer, but it's very clear in the movie that they were not able to record sound during the filming of the movie because the whole movie is Adr'd and foleyed, like top to bottom, t two b.

Jason Mantzoukas

So I think they probably maybe would have wanted sound. They would have been able. The ability to capture sound on the day must have been something they were disappointed to not be able to do. I would say buy more props. It's like a movie from the thirties.

Paul Scheer

I would say buy more props because clearly the guns are being reused, which is why every villain can only be in frame one at a time. But, Paul, you run the risk of losing the lion's head. You run the risk of losing some iconic things. If you can have real props. I'm saying just guns.

More guns. So you can at least have two henchmen fighting someone. It seems like every. Like, I die. Then you took my gun, and then you run into the next scene like it was a gun baton.

Like they're passing the baton from scene to scene. June for $10,000. $10,000. Okay. With that extra five grand, I think I would.

June Diane Raphael

I think I would equally disperse it between all of the actresses who had to do all the slow kissing with the men in the movie and just give them pay bumps. That just feels like the right thing to do. All right, so you would have increased the kissing budget? I guess so. I can't believe I would have say it by the guy.

Paul Scheer

Would you be charging per kiss? Oh, God, those kisses. And you can only imagine if that's the length of kisses that were on screen. How long did they shoot those kisses for? And the kisses were slow.

Jason Mantzoukas

They were like. That's what it's like. Now. I know everybody in here is drenched right now because I did that. And they're gonna have to mop up the masonic auditorium.

Cause the floors in here don't have sawdust on them. Even though I said it's gonna get gushy. We say keep it warm, not keep it wet. Keep it warm. Okay, obviously we'll hear more about the making of this movie in just a little bit.

Paul Scheer

But now it is time to hear about people who love this movie, which we do. It is now time for second opinions. This is a song for the lady cops. But samurai, listen close. You don't fuck with Robert Zadar.

Jason Mantzoukas

That's the first samurai rule that you learn. Keep a couple extra wigs in your car and wait to buy Merlin the return. And when you choose which to bed the horny cup, pour no duck or. Big red, you pick the one that gives that good lion hair and slip into matching swimwear instead of doing church on Sunday. Master.

Paul Scheer

A blank stare. That's your foreplay? Bingo. I gave it pisa, doll.

Jason Mantzoukas

Wow. What is your name, sir? What's your name? What's your name?

My name's Jed. Like Jedi without the eye. This is fucking awesome. Give it up for jeb. Give it up for jeb.

Who gives it five zars. Incredible work. I gotta say. I am out of here. Get him out of.

Paul Scheer

I gotta say I was bummed. I gotta. They gotta Jason a fuck yard Gina to get a fuck yard. Nothing for you, babe. Nothing for you.

Wow. That was amazing. Thank you, sir. All right, so here we go. These are five star reviews.

Cold from Amazon. There are 666. 666 total reviews. Sign of the devil and the sign of a great film. 84% are five star, 2% are one star.

And it goes something like this. Peter O'Brien titles his review. Keep it warm. Captain Frank was the man. He had a gift.

He had a vest. He had lines. He delivered. He survived. In some ways, this was a progressive movie.

A woman co piloted a helicopter. A woman owned a restaurant. Some women even got a name.

The fourth sex scene does end eventually. Five stars. Wait, I didn't think she was. Gosh, maybe I have to interrogate my own reading of this movie because I didn't think she was piloting that helicopter. Felt like she was a part of the co pilot.

June Diane Raphael

I thought she was just saying, like, it's time to land here and we gotta go there. So she's, like, conducting the helicopter. She's like the boss. I thought she was a passenger.

Paul Scheer

Charles Kapowski titles. His review, 63% samurai, 48% cop.

And his review is, I made the bold claim that I'd have to give this movie five stars if it had ritualistic suicide in it. Here I am. Five stars.

I don't know what this is, but I'm going to end on this one. From Kevin, written in 2017. The title is five stars. The review goes like, best ramen ever, Konnishiwa. This movie is cinnamon.

Five stars.

Obviously, people love this movie. I have some conflicting information that the budget was actually $7,000. But here is what I have found here about the painting. So the painting was. Okay, hold on, let me find it right here.

Sorry. Wait. Oh, there. Okay. So the lead actor was unable to get any substantial roles after samurai cop and withdrew from the entertainment industry for two decades in 1992.

June Diane Raphael

Even though framing, like I withdrew, is. I think he was escorted out. Yes. So in 1992, he took part in an armed robbery, stealing a Rembrandt painting from televangelist Gene Scott's University Cathedral in Los Angeles. The painting was found in the home of Karash Jadali, a stunt coordinator who worked on the set of samurai Cop.

Paul Scheer

The samurai cop was arrested and sent to prison. He was largely unaware of the cult status a samurai cop had attained over the place preceding years. And so that was what happened. That was the. Imagine if you went to the house of the stunt coordinator from Samurai Cop, and he was like, have you seen my rembrandt?

Jason Mantzoukas

It's a Rembrandt.

Paul Scheer

The actor, the samurai cop actor who's been doing a lot of press. You can watch plenty of interviews with him. He did say upon walking into the director's office for the first time, he was told he was perfect and handed the full script. Despite the film being titled Samurai Cop, he had no experience with weapons, and all of his formal practice would be classified as MMA. As a result, his lack of experience and Sherman's inability to direct any of the combat scenes, that meant that everyone choreographed them quickly, 15 minutes before every scene was shot.

Jason Mantzoukas

That's, I will say, not surprising at all, because many of the fight scenes are so, so, so long, and nothing happens. There's just a lot of, like, pushing, pushing. There's a lot of, like, contact, but then just movement based on the contact. Yeah. It really is a bizarre film to also cast somebody as a samurai cop who doesn't really do any sort of karate at all.

Paul Scheer

And then every shot in the movie was done with a single take. To conserve as much film as possible. This movie was shot on film, so the bloopers, flub lines and mistakes are all left in the final cut. Also, knowing that all of these actors got one take, I'm like, I'm even more impressed with a lot of them.

The tagline of this movie was great. You have the right to remain silent. Dead silent. I would have loved it if someone. Had said that the movie did come out in 91, which is the same year terminator two, Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves and home alone came out.

So there we go. That did not break the top 200. The gross is 384,000. I don't know where they got that from, but that is the gross of this movie. And it was found in a vault in China.

Jason Mantzoukas

What? Yeah, that's the thing. I don't think the COVID-19 virus. I think when they opened the vault, that's when it got out that there are rumors that. Are you saying the virus is part of the marketing campaign for this movie?

Paul Scheer

I mean, that's what happened. That's what you gotta do now to get a movie out there. You know, basically this movie was found. In Wuhan in a web market. Gregory Hannonka, who is the founder of Cinema Epoch, had a vault and one of his employees is going around and they found it.

That's it. They just found it. What a fine. And that was, you know, so that was a little while ago, I guess, when they re released this movie on Blu ray. So that's.

Jason Mantzoukas

There are so many montages and action sequences in this movie that use the exact same backing track as the. The soundtrack to those things. And I became truly, like, obsessed with it. I was like, this is the best music I want, I want also, it was. It was hitting me so hard.

June Diane Raphael

It was on your. Out of the speakers, on the tv. It was assaultive in every way. But I genuinely started to be like, I think I might want to come out to this music for the rest of time to the show. I want them.

Jason Mantzoukas

I want the samurai cop music to play. When you introduce me. I love it. It was so propulsive and exciting. I was like, I love this.

Paul Scheer

I mean, it really. This is a perfect film. Would you recommend it? I guess is the next question. You know what?

June Diane Raphael

Yes, yes, yes. I. Yes, I would. I said, you know what? Jason said this before when he came out, when you two were talking introduction about, like, it's so shocking that we haven't covered as journalists this movie before, because it's so iconic that it does make me feel like, oh, wow, I guess we will be doing this forever.

I guess this is. It's like, if things like this are possible, we're fine. Yeah. Our sentence is so much longer than I thought. We have to keep doing this.

It was shocking. It was shocking to know that something this good was out there that we had never seen. I enjoyed it. I would put this in the. In a very.

Jason Mantzoukas

In rarefied category, which is, I think we should do it again. I would. I feel like. I feel like we will get more out of this movie on a second watch in two years. I am.

When, of course, we will all be dead. I also recommend this movie highly. I will tell you that samurai cop two deadly vengeance, also titled Revenge of the Samurai Cop, is a 2015 american action film directed and co written by Gregory Hatanaka. It's a sequel to the cult film Samurai Cop. It stars.

Paul Scheer

We got our two cops back. Okay. We got all the original roles back with Bei Ling, Kayden Cross, Tommy Wiseau, Lexi Bell, Joe Estevez and Mindy Robinson. And it is. Wait, not Robert Zadar.

Jason Mantzoukas

Has Robert Zadar passed away? Yes. Yes, he has passed away. And this takes place, basically, Joe is gonna settle down in LA with his girlfriend when suddenly she's murdered. Then 25 years pass and shit goes down well here.

But you said earlier that it feels like they're in on the joke by this point, so that I don't necessarily want to do the sequel. I like this. This feels pure in a way. But you said something earlier that I think I didn't realize upon watching. Was this not released in 91?

Was this released much later in a Miami connection style? I think it was released in 91 and then lost, and then it was refound and recharged. So it hasn't been like playing on basic cable for a long time. No. Okay, got it.

Paul Scheer

But this sequel does look insane. Okay, so, San Francisco, it's been fantastic being here once again. We did it. Thank you for coming. We will be back.

San Francisco, thanks for being such a great crowd. Good night. Eat shit, San Francisco. Thank you so much to the staff at the Masonic, our amazing tour manager, Beth Thomas, and our recording engineer, Michael Day. If you want the t shirt we created for this episode, which is pretty great, it's lady cop latin.

Announcer

Keep them warm go to teepublic.com store hdtgm. My book, Joyful Recollections of trauma, is coming out very soon. Please pre order it now. It actually makes a giant difference. I beg of you, no, I appreciate everyone who's pre ordered.

You can go to my website if you have pre ordered and get access to my super secret scrapbook where I am posting a bunch of extra things for the people that have come up and shown up for me. I will be reading the audiobook. The audiobook comes out on the same day with a ton of extra special features. And here's the best part. No matter where you live in the world, worldwide signing.

That's right. Go to premier collectibles and you can get a relatively cheap ticket to go see a live show. Q and A. And I'll sign books virtually for only $35 and the book retails for $29. So that's, you know, $4 more.

Paul Scheer

I don't know. Here's the thing, people. I'm on a tour. You can see me and Jason do an improv in Portland and Seattle. You can see June and Joel Kim booster meeting each other for the first time in LA at Chevalier's books.

Announcer

You can see Adam Palley and I in Chicago talking about my book and doing a fun show at the Den on May. You can also see me in Brooklyn and you can see me at the Strand in New York City with busy phillips. So much fun stuff coming up for the book tour. I'd love to see you all out there. I've kept the prices down as much as I can.

Some are free, some are not, but it's going to be fun. I will sign whatever you have. Well, primarily my book. Buy my book and then we'll talk about what I'll sign. Anyway, go to my website, paulschear.com to find out where you can sign up for these events or buy tickets for them.

Whatever. You know how it works. Anyway, if you have a correction or omission from this episode, leave me a voicemail at 619 p a U L A S K or write a comment in our discord at discord gg HDTGM and then make sure you tune in next week to our last looks episode as we talk more about Samurai cop and I respond to your messages. Also next week on last looks, we'll be talking to Todd Glass. He's going to chat with us a.

Little bit about his new project. Remember, you can find us on social media everywhere at HDTGM. And if you love the show, tell your friends to listen to. Word of mouth helps. And last but not least, I got to say thank you to all the listeners who support this show every week and our entire team to whom the show could not be done without.

I'm talking about our producers, Scott Sahni, Molly Reynolds, our movie picking producer, Avril Halley, our engineer, Casey Holford and our associate producer, Justice Neros. That's all I got. We'll see you next week on last looks. Until then, bye for now.

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Samurai Cop LIVE!

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1: Introduction

2: Plot and Characters

3: Notorious Production Issues

4: Scene Breakdowns

5: Cultural Impact

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