Matinee Monday: Kazaam LIVE! (w/ Kay Cannon)

Paul Scheer
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Shaquille O'Neal
How did Schwarzenegger grow a baby in his belly? Rock a rhinestone vest while ripping Justin to Kelly? Or maybe see a burlesque show? Wouldn't it crow and take a boat with speed to hit and cruise control? J man, Big Paul in the beautiful June gonna take you from the goob all the way to the room random games of street fighter help to blow off steam just to suck a punch.

The odd life of Timothy Green Sharknado, the bird demic how we stay in line they call it in the badass and he's on the line cranking 88 minutes. Cause they cool as nice. Cause of bad Jim Vonnie looking kind and nice. Paul and June getting literal. Jason is getting laid.

June is making sure all the monkey shots getting paid they judge a bunch of movies while they making the grade. Here's a real question for you. How did this get made?

Jason Mantzoukas
Hello, people of earth, and hello, people of Largo.

We are live at Largo at the coronet, our home for live shows in Los Angeles with a very exciting night. That's right, Shaquille O'Neal as a genie. The movie is called Kazam. And please welcome my two co hosts to the stage. Please welcome Jason Manzoukas.

June Diane Raphael
Merry Christmas, assholes. Also welcome June Diane Rayfield.

Jason Mantzoukas
June. And our very special guest tonight, please welcome Kay Cannon.

June Diane Raphael
All right, here we go. Here we go. Here we go. Now. Kazam.

Jason Mantzoukas
Kazam. I will say that this is a movie that I saw the DVD of, like, the box, the COVID of a million times. Never thought to watch it, and. And so happy that it did. Why.

June Diane Raphael
Why wouldn't. Why wouldn't you watch this movie? What would keep you. One thing that would keep you from watching this genie movie starring Shaquille O'Neal. I think I thought it would be too real.

Jason Mantzoukas
I couldn't handle the truth. Yep. I didn't want to get into the whole Jeannie gin argument. I didn't want to go down too much. You know, the minute you start the movie, that can of worms is open.

It makes you question a lot of different things. This movie is amazing because it's so. I mean, we'll talk about the whole thing, but it's on every level. I mean, I said we can barely get. I mean, with 24 hours, we wouldn't get through the whole thing.

There's so much to talk about. I was asked to watch it for tonight, and it was a complete joy. It was the best homework assignment I've ever had in my life. Well, just so people know, the movie starts off with this kid who seems like a total asshole and, like, a badass bully. And then within a second of establishing that he's a badass bullying, then other bullies are beating the shit out of him.

June Diane Raphael
Yeah. And this handful of bullies. Yeah, there's a lot of bullies going on. This movie exists in a world where bullies have bullies. This kid is.

Jason Mantzoukas
Max is the most unlikable kid character I've ever seen, I would say. And I don't mean. I mean, he's older now. I don't know, but charmless is a word that would come to mind. Like, he.

Like, I mean, he's written that way. He's a lovely child, but there's nothing. There's nothing about him that I'm engaging with. I have to say, I'm shocked to hear this. I'm really shocked because I cared for Max.

Audience Member
And once I found out in the apartment scene that he was struggling with his stepfather and his stepfather's arrival in the family, I felt I understood everything about him. This kid's dad. Dad's been gone for decades. Ten years. Ten years he doesn't remember him.

Kay Cannon
And then he's got the nicest fireman. Soon to be stepdad. The best. I'll say this. Travis is a saint.

Travis. He's a goddamn saint. All he's doing is eating spoonful after spoonful of shit from this Max. It's all he's doing is just cramming it down his throat. And he's like, don't you worry.

June Diane Raphael
I'm gonna be here when you're ready. Literally, Max goes out, stays out all night, and Travis is like, let's get him a baseball. Yeah. Like, you know, by the way, let's. Take care of him.

So we're clear, Max is twelve. We're talking about, like, a troubled 16 year old. This is a twelve year old child. I don't wanna get too far ahead. But also, Max, I don't.

Kay Cannon
It's unclear how long Kazam is around. Yes, 100%. This could be too dangerous. He could not shower or brush his teeth or change his clothes for the entirety of the movie. I will say, yes, you're right.

June Diane Raphael
But then he takes objection with how Kazam smells. I know. Leading to one of the most upsetting scenes in the movie. Oh, my God. In which a grown genie showers in front of a boy.

Kay Cannon
What are we doing here with a giant scarf? I don't know who this movie's for. Well, it is a children's movie where. I mean, I will say that it's a racist overtone or undertone under it too. With Mac.

Jason Mantzoukas
Well, first of all, he stumbles into a genie. We should establish that while running away. From his bullies, he finds the genie's lamp, which is a boombox. Cause he fell out of the lamp into the boombox, which I didn't even. Understand that I didn't really understand.

Audience Member
So there wasn't a lamp originally. Yeah. And then when the wrecking ball comes in, you hear on the fifth floor lamp shop. Hear Kazam go. Whoa.

Kay Cannon
Which made me go, like, what's going. On in the life of a genie slam? Is he, like, in an apartment in there? Okay, but this is a really, honestly, this is a really big question. Okay, hang on.

We will come to know. This is a very serious question. We'll come to find out that Shaq wants a career as a performer. Specifically a rap artist. Do you think that while in the regular lamp, he always felt that way?

Audience Member
Or was it something about being transported to that boom box?

Kay Cannon
That's a good question. I don't know. Very good question. Because does rap go back 5000 years? If rap is poetry, then the answer is yes.

Jason Mantzoukas
I would argue that he's not even really rapping. I will say he comes out speaking in, like, rhyming couplets. Well, let's show. Let's show how Kazam. Let's show how Kazam kind of is.

June Diane Raphael
What June is correct in referring to as standard genie talk. Yeah, well, but the genie talk comes and goes. Oh, yeah. By the way, thank God. Thank God.

For the first two minutes, he's speaking and rhyming couplets. And I was like, I'm gonna have to kill myself. There's no getting out of this. If he talks like this for the whole movie, I will straight up murder my own self. All I know is, at this point, I'm like, this screenplay was written in all caps lock because it is nothing but screaming.

This movie is meant to be screamed. Just take a look. We don't have to watch the whole scene, but you just get a sense of how Shaq popped. Who dare to wake me? Ain't gonna make this a mystery don't wanna do time on your wishes three.

Shaquille O'Neal
Watch it, boy. You don't wanna diss me or I'll dish out my misery now, who's that sorry wanna be that disturbed my feet? If you wanna be number one, I'm sorry, boy, that's been done. But if you got the itches for a sack of riches, don't matter how avaricious I'm the man that could grant your wishing. So you get the idea.

Don't turn your butt on me. I'm the man of that. Stop. It doesn't stop for so much longer than even that. What's interesting in watching his arrival is that throughout the entire movie, I was wondering, you know, there's this issue of, does he want to be a genie?

Audience Member
Does he hate being a genie? Does he want to grant wishes? It seems like he's like a self hating genie. Like, he doesn't. And he's so angry.

Kay Cannon
Yeah, like, you're not. You definitely. I wasn't tracking his emotional. No. Like, I was like, he's like, you've got to make.

First. It's like he says, three wishes, Max wishes for a car. He's unable to do it, not able to do it, and then he's like, you gotta make your wishes real quick. Well, basically, though, what he says is by summoning the genie, the genie basically becomes your slave. So I don't think anybody wants to be put in that position.

June Diane Raphael
So the quicker we get this out of the way, the quicker I get back to kicking back in the bottle. Aka then the boombox. The boombox. Or in my mind, all genie understanding is the inside of the genie bottle from my dream of genie, which seems. Spacious on that show, too.

Oh, beautiful. But then later on, later on, when they're in the basketball court, he says that he doesn't want to be a genie. Cause he wants to be a gem now. He wants showbiz. I could not stop thinking about when you're just, like, hearing him rap the whole time or whatever he was doing right there.

Kay Cannon
But I was like, this is around the same time that I think Shaquille had released his rap album, right? Yeah, it came out. Yeah. So he honestly thought, I think, that he was gonna bodyguard this, like, whitney Houston style and be like, look at how great I rap 100%. Two rap songs in this film that are very specific to genies.

Jason Mantzoukas
Like, if the audience might be like, I think this dude's a genie. Because he's rapping a lot about genie specific things. All of his references are from 3000. Years ago, but he's not a good genie right out the gate. Or a good rapper.

Terrible. What he just did. Might as well have been written by Ronnie the limo driver from the Howard Stern show. You know what I mean? Especially where we get more Z's.

June Diane Raphael
Who disturbed my z's? Is the comparison I'm making. Don't worry about it. Stern fans get it. I do find it charming.

Jason Mantzoukas
Look, I think that Shaq is a lovely guy, but I honestly didn't know. I felt like he didn't seem to have any care for this kid. And then at the end, we'll get to the end. It's like, oh, yeah, I loved him and I had a whole thing. It's like, wait, no, it never got that.

Like, I never. He was my only friend. Yeah. Like, it never got. Like, he was like, I'm looking out for this kid.

I'm gonna help him out. No, that's not true. I feel like during wish one and a little bit past, when he's kind of like, how come you let these kids treat you like that? Or blah, blah, blah. Okay.

June Diane Raphael
He's trying to get into it, and I think what the movie is trying to sell us is that the Shaq's own. The hubris of Shaq thinking I could become a rap superstar, it makes him veer off course, which is to help Max fulfill his wishes. And as a result, Max dies. Yeah, the lead child. A result.

The child star of the movie dies. Dies after. I believe it's the second time he's been pushed down a giant hole multiple times. This child falls upwards of five stories, one falling through floor by floor by floor, floorboards, everything. And one just an elevator shaft at the end of which he meets his end.

Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah.

For those of you listening, it's not fulfilling, but we're just playing the game. Falling through the floor on repeat, which is even funnier. Good. This is a child. This is a child doing this.

Kay Cannon
In this movie, I think what the director is trying to do is show that he's the ultimate tough guy. Yeah. And Kazam tells us many times over that he is a tough guy. Oh, yeah. Kazam is not to be reckoned with.

Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. So Kazam also winds up sleeping and spooning this kid, too, right? Yeah. And shutting the blame bed. Yeah.

Kay Cannon
But at that point, I felt like it was, like, really huge guy with little. And they were trying to just show as many possible ways to show a big guy with a little kid, because there's a really weird shot of just his hand on his face, and it was just like, oh, this will make audiences laugh because his whole hand is on this kid's face. He can bomb his face like a basketball. Like, I also noticed, I think his. He could have done that anywhere.

June Diane Raphael
He could have palmed the kid's face anywhere. It did not have to be sharing a twin size bed. Just saying. But then you wouldn't have seen how big Shaquille is in a twin size bed. That is true.

Jason Mantzoukas
I do have a question at the top here, too. When the kid first brings Shaquille O'Neal to his hangout, is it just a junkyard playground, like, where the candy comes? It's a weird junkyard or something like that. Sorry. Wasn't that the same place, though, where the.

June Diane Raphael
Where they built. Where the genie lamp was?

Isn't that the same place where they built this steel suit? Right. For a movie, it's the next movie. That has a movie almost identical plot space.

Jason Mantzoukas
But you said you had a theory about the candy. Well, I have an issue about the candy because, okay, so he wishes for junk food to this guy, right? And then it's like, you see burgers and whatever, and then, and then ultimately, there's, like, tons of junk food. Yeah. And then, like, piles of pancakes.

Kay Cannon
Right. Or whatever. And then, and then afterwards, I have just so many problems with Kazam's magic abilities or, like, genie abilities. And then afterwards, he's like, I'm hungry. Kazam says, yes.

It's like, well, you just left an entire thing of food. And he's like, really a big deal about how hungry he is. And he's like, let's stop for lunch. And he's wearing clothes. Like, we're like, they somehow found pants.

Shorts, like, as big, too big for Shaquille O Neil. Well, Shaquille O'Neal's clothing is upsetting on so many levels. There's, like, lapels that are going, like, 18 inches. And then there's, like, this really long shot of his paint, of his shorts falling off him. It's like, oh, you found.

Why don't they fit? Yeah. At that point, you're making clothes. You're making a kitchen tablecloth. I mean, there's, like, Shaquille's size.

Jason Mantzoukas
His shoe is 22. So if he likes. That's saying that there's someone larger than Shaquille O'Neal that they're making shorts for now. And they found those shorts. They found a shirt that fit great.

Kay Cannon
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, the shirt would have fit. I've realized who I think the kid is. It's as if they made, as the protagonist of a movie, the little brother from Teen witch.

June Diane Raphael
Ooh. Is a real piece of shit. And then, like, she tricks him, and he's like, I took the liberty of ironing your homework. We're gonna do teen witch. I love that movie.

Jason Mantzoukas
I have never even heard of this movie. Holy shit. We're gonna do teen witch for that alone. Oh, I do remember top that, June. I feel like you would have.

Audience Member
I don't remember the brother on tv much, but I do remember top that. Of course. Who doesn't remember top that? Of course. The greatest rap battle.

Jason Mantzoukas
I need to get on some teen witch.

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That's Harrys.com. Bonkers. For a three dollar trial set. I thought at certain points that this kid also acted like he could have been played by a. Like, a 60 year old man, too, because when he first met his mom, I'm like, is this his mother or his wife?

Jason Mantzoukas
He's like, ah, leave me alone, woman. You don't know what I go through. Give me my cigar and my newspaper. I'm gonna take a shit. Like, it just like, there was an energy.

Yeah. Also, that mom was in a totally different movie. Like, she was like, max, come on. Max. Max.

Kay Cannon
Max, come back. Max. It felt like they were married. And by the way, this director who. Who was, you pointed out Starsky from Starsky and Hutch.

Jason Mantzoukas
Like, I think they were so psyched about this opening shot of the mom, which was through the vacuum cleaner. Like, the mom is, like, staring down the barrel of a vacuum cleaner. It's like, ooh, cool shot, Kazam. But, yeah, the whole mom relationship is crazy. Well, I mean, we didn't get to the dad.

The dad.

June Diane Raphael
Everybody just gave up. Wow. Dad is like. So the movie exists in a world in which, like, it's the kid. It's his single mom.

They're having a tough time. She's falling in love with a fireman, who the kid gives a hard time to. Kazam, shows up. And then the kid finds his dad, who is, like, a villain in a different movie. Okay, so what I want to know.

Jason Mantzoukas
Is, the dad is a villain? If you had to say, okay, the title of the dad's job is, okay. I think the dad is a club runner, club owner. I think he's the front for a, like, a bad news businessman for all those bootleg CDs. Yeah, he's the front man of the club.

June Diane Raphael
That is the front for the CD manufacturing. Counterfeit CD. No. What do we think? So Max comes in.

Kay Cannon
Max comes in to his club, right? And so they're not divorced because there's, like, some paperwork that hasn't been signed. Ten year old paperwork. But, like, I'm assuming the mom has talked to the dad right about it. And the kid comes in and this dad looks at him and he's like, what's your name?

He's like, max. And there's no recollection until the second time he says, connor. And then he's like, this is my kid. And we're supposed to, like, he's addict to the kid. But when he finds out he's his son, he's, like, really cool to him.

Jason Mantzoukas
He's like, oh, is that acceptable? That, like, he says, oh, he's only a dick to kids he doesn't know. But, like, it was. That's the weird thing about the movie. You have no idea whether or not you should care about this dad and his rehabilitation.

June Diane Raphael
Yeah. I think it's a redemption story for him, if anything. Right. But. Because the dad is a piece of garbage.

Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah, but is he? Well, he's real mean to his assistant. Oh, yeah. What was that guy that he was gonna. What's that guy do?

It seemed to me, I'll tell you, this is what it seemed like to me. It seemed like there's the owner of the club the guy who's eating nubian godads and then. And that guy loved that guy. Then I feel like. Don't you feel like that guy was maybe also 3000 years old?

Kay Cannon
Yes. Yes. Halfway through the movie, I was like, he's a genie too. He's a jinn. I thought he was a jinn who had gotten.

June Diane Raphael
Instantly had access to, like, a bunch of information. Yeah. Immediately. And then the woman who Shaquille goes on a date with was she. We haven't even gotten.

Jason Mantzoukas
She was not a tiny. By the way, that whole love plot is insane. So they got this owner who's eating newbie and go dyes. Then we have Max's dad, who I'm gonna argue is a promoter of. Hold on.

June Diane Raphael
This person? Yes. All right. Okay. Hold on.

Jason Mantzoukas
Hold on. Get a mic. I'll get a mic to you. I'll get a mic. All right.

What do you say? You don't have to stand up. I was equally confused. And he actually is in the industry of music piracy. Well, that wasn't really helpful.

Yeah, we know he's pirating. That's not a job position in the industry of music piracy. But in 1996, that would have been a big deal. Yes. Yeah, sure.

Kay Cannon
Yeah. And that's underground. That's where they're doing is. Well, I thought it was this. He was the club promoter, so he would go, hey, dabrat, come play my club.

Jason Mantzoukas
Then debratt will come play the club. Then they would secretly record it and then sell it. So I thought he was the front man to be like, hey, Dabrat. And so he's a Trickster. He was a trickster who then was having his assistant.

June Diane Raphael
He's a Trickster God. But. So wait a second. But then why does the guy who's above him, the guy, the other genie, why does he. Who's not a genie.

Kay Cannon
He must be a genie. Yeah. Why is that genie. Other genie? Yes.

Audience Member
Why does other genie want, like, why is other genie excited about Shaq's career and, like, he saw the boombox explode and shoot diamonds. But does other genie. Is he making money off of the tapes that are being flagged? A million dollars. The one.

Jason Mantzoukas
The $1 million for a brat concert. The one night of. Gonna net them 1 million the dollars. This is what I'm confused by. Wait, is that.

Kay Cannon
Is debratt the actual. Yes. Okay, so they were there the next night when Shaquille performed. Right. So why didn't they just.

When the tape was stolen, why didn't they just, like, rerecord them? It would. It would make a lot of sense. I mean, and we're living also in a world that, like, is the. I know.

Whatever. Been a market for live concert. Like, in that level, like, you have. A Billy Joel at Madison Square garden tape. I'll pay thousands.

Jason Mantzoukas
It's not like. Yeah, so it wasn't like, oh, this is all new material that the brat is doing. It's just a concert. June. You're saying you know what the dad does.

Audience Member
Okay, so I think the dad, in the legit world is considered, like, an artist liaison to the club. Promoter. Yeah, a promoter. But he's not the promoter to me, implies, like, he's trying to get people in the club. You get the talent.

Kay Cannon
Is that what you're saying? He gets the talent? Yes, he gets the talent. He makes him feel comfortable. He sets out some drinks, whatever.

But what, he sets up a green room. Yes, but what he's doing is in. Charge of, like, those vip relationships. Yes. Yeah.

Jason Mantzoukas
How many guests do you want to accomplish? We have bracelets. We'll give them all to those people. So Brad is like, I'm not coming unless Nick is gonna be there. What he's actually doing is organizing the piracy.

June Diane Raphael
Oh, God. And setting up the. All that stuff. Nice guy behind the scenes who's ordering pizzas for everybody. Nick.

Jason Mantzoukas
Nick. Everybody's friend. Nick again, Kazam is like, I'm hungry. He asked, he was like, where's that pizza coming? And then he comes.

Kay Cannon
Shazam come. Or Kazam. Not Shazam. Shaquille. And Kazam.

Jason Mantzoukas
By the way, it should have been Shazam. His name is fucking Shaquille. The easiest connection. You can't call him Shazam. He, like, Shazam already exists.

Sure. He walks in with, like, six. Six pizzas. Yeah, I'm sorry. I can't let it go.

Kay Cannon
I'm so mad about it. Guys, he can make it anytime anybody's hungry in this movie, all they need to go. All they need to do is go to that warehouse where there is still six inches of food. Old hot dogs and hamburgers and burritos on the floor. All of it.

Is there so many candy bars? By the way, they do set up the rules a lot. I'm like, by minute 48 the third time, Shaquille's like, no, no, I don't do that kind of wish. I'm like, got it. We got it.

Jason Mantzoukas
How many times? No one in the movie gets it. He's like, I wish you changed my dad's life. He's like, no, I don't do that. He's like, okay.

20 minutes later, changed my dad's life. Nah. How many times, kid, do I have to tell you? That's not the shit I do? It's ethereal.

Yes.

Audience Member
Now, is that a rule across the board with genies, or is this specific? What now? Do you mean with real genies?

No, I'm basing this off of other genies I've seen in movies. Sure. Like Aladdin. Aladdin's really the only one that's coming to mind. Well, and I dream of Genie, of course.

Kay Cannon
Of course. But, yeah. What was her deal? What did she do? She.

June Diane Raphael
You know. Listen, if we are to believe the theme song of the. Of the show, he is an astronaut, right? He falls from space in his capsule, lands on a beach. He's walking on the beach, he finds the lamp.

He rubs the lamp. Genie pops out of it. He fucks her. She becomes his life slave. I think he maybe is like, one of my wishes is for you to love me for the rest of my life.

Even if I turn into a. No, that's the other one that's bewitched. But that's ethereal. Wait, did they both have different ones? Or.

Jason Mantzoukas
No, just bewitched. Okay, but that's ethereal. Oh, Harry Hagman. Right. Yeah, right, right.

But that's. I mean, but she was. She was basically his slave for. Right. Cause she.

Audience Member
I just don't remember this being true. Where genies can only produce material objects. Are there any genies in the audience? What if. What if in the last scene of the last episode of I dream of Genie, Larry Hagman dies and Jeannie is finally released from having to do the cursed wish that she's been doing his whole life, which is loving him.

June Diane Raphael
And then the show ended. That would be amazing. That's a real soprano, Zender. Yeah. I want to bring up the fact, and this is nothing.

Jason Mantzoukas
Not trying to be anything, but just calling out a point. Was there no makeup on this movie? Cause Shaquille O'Neal sweats like he's shooting this movie during a timeout of a fucking championship basketball. There are plenty of shots of people trying to wipe him and put makeup on him, and they can't reach his head, and so they're, like, on his neck. Whatever the stylistic choice was, they chose for this.

June Diane Raphael
They also chose it in steel, where he also looks like exactly what you said. He must have problems at halftime of the game. Hey, Kay, shaquille, can we do one quick shot with you before you get back? Yeah. Yeah, sure, man.

Let's go. Hey, kid, I can't grant ethereal wishes. Shaquille, get back in there. Pass me the ball. I have a question.

Did Kazam, during the course of this movie, admit to perpetrating Pompeii? Yeah, he lived under the ash for. 347 years, legitimately, like, guilty of crimes against humanity, which is why he committed a genocide. That's why he's in the situation he's in, right? Well, no, because I thought he was a genie.

Jason Mantzoukas
Then he get bomb. Did he did Pompeii. Then he went 347 years under the ashes, and then I guess something else happened, and then. Oh, so he was born a genie. No.

By the way, we're gonna find out right now. Why don't we let Shaquille O'Neal tell you exactly how he came to be a genie in this rap? And as people who are watching this can see his 18 inch collars in this scene, but this. This sets up how Shaquille became who he is. Here we go.

Shaquille O'Neal
Listen to the man. Cause I'm the sultan of sand. Is that it? Is that the whole deal? You want to be your hit?

Kay Cannon
You better get rid. I did of have this friend in the thousand bc we discover a bevy of bathing beauties Herbert looks to me and I says to he, why don't we jump in that old Euphrates? So that's the whole story. That's all you gotta tell? You got to listen to my rap from bell to Belle those babies had rabies and we was in Hades cause we moved with the harem of the.

Prince of Octopus which you and her. Bird in the thousand next is sand like a sea by assaulting with a sword and a lock and a key. They'Re in deep will they ever get free? So it's me and her bird in a thousand bc praying to the gods. And what do you see?

Shaquille O'Neal
A man with the halo and a nasty decree I'll save your butt but you gonna serve me I nod to her birth, he nods to me and when the magic is over we ain't men, we genie. Bob your head, Max. We were buried to our necks and. Sand like a sea boxer with a. Sword and a lock and a key I looks to a bird and he says to me and when the magic is over we ain't men, we genie.

What are we, Max? We genie? I can't hear you, Max. I cannot hear you while are we regenerate. Okay, so that's the story of Hikawi came to be.

Kay Cannon
Like. I know we all just watched that together, and I still don't know what's happening. I don't know when I got it. This way, him and his buddy saw some pretty ladies who had rabies. They were.

June Diane Raphael
Then what was that? I don't understand what that was. Then they. In the Euphrates. In the Euphrates.

Jason Mantzoukas
They were then caught by a sultan who put them in quicksand. They were about to die, and as they were about to die, oh, please don't kill us. Then this God came down and said, I'm gonna make you guys genies. So we don't know where his friend is. His friend is maybe in another land.

Kay Cannon
His friend is the other genie. Eating.

June Diane Raphael
That would have been a better movie if that guy had been. That bad guy had been revealed to be. In fact, again, I just wonder. So it seems like being a genie saved his life. Yeah, but it also seems like he hates being a genie.

Well, I think it's some sort of, like, indentured servitude or something, right? Like, it's not the life. It's a life he has to obey. It's not a life he chooses. You know, he's.

Audience Member
And I can understand that. Well, look, he's at the whim of somebody who could be like, make a volcano erupt and kill everybody. He's got to be like, okay, I. Guess a part of me. And maybe this is small thinking, but I would think it would be kind of nice to give someone their wish, you know, that there's something fun about that.

Jason Mantzoukas
3000 years granting everybody else's wish, and you were like, what about me? What about my wish to be a rapper? Yeah. That's also granting my wish. If a genie met another genie, do you think they could ask for a wish?

Kay Cannon
Yes. If that genie. If he knocked the genie out of whatever he was in, or she. Right. Hey, hey, hey, look.

Jason Mantzoukas
That's a sequel. That's a sequel. I want to say I'm comfortable living in a world where a genie can be a woman comfortable with it. And then they'd owe them. Right.

Kay Cannon
Like, he'd. The same rules would apply. Well, or you run into a djinn who seems to be the most powerful, who could probably do a lot more stuff. I gotta tell you, I did not see the djinn thing coming at the end. Yeah.

Like, I was like, when he had kind of a Patrick Swayze, like, from Ghost, morphed into a giant version of. Himself, the already giant man, he becomes gianter. Yeah. At a certain point, Shaq is, like three stories tall, which is. And Max is still talking to him.

June Diane Raphael
It was weird. Max is kind of. I feel like Shaq never did reverse angles, so I feel like Max was just doing a one man show to, like, a tennis ball on a stick. For most of the movie, I never felt like Max was truly afraid of Kazam. He was downright abusive to Kazam.

Jason Mantzoukas
When he woke up in the morning, he wasn't scared. He was angry. Like, get the fuck out of my bed. And he threw a baseball at Kazam's face at point blank range. Like, bam.

It was like, are you kidding? This is a strange man in his bed. I have no problem with what he did. I'm 100% cool and would use this movie to show my own children how to behave should they find a seven foot six man in their bed spooning them in the morning.

June Diane Raphael
I don't have children.

Audience Member
It's funny, though, because I wasn't clear on, you know, what his powers were exactly. Because I know he's able to grant wishes, but it also seems. Seems like he can hear Max wherever. He is, and then suck Max through space and time. Right.

And out of, like, a water glass. He's distracted, so he's like, on a date. He's distracted. He tries to tune him out. But I also.

Kay Cannon
I very much agree with you, June, because I was like, he could be in front of Max at any point. And Max kept, like, leaving and getting hit, and then he had to all of a sudden be there until Max got on his bike. And then it seemed like Kazam had to also get on a bike to then race him, when he could have just, like, stopped him in front, like, put his hand out and said, you're not gonna ride this bike anymore, or. Probably flown, I think, right? I think that's what happens.

He's on this little bike again. I think this whole movie was like, how can we make a very big guy on a bunch of little things? To elicit laughter? And then the bike became a flying bike, and it was like he was getting his powers back. I get that's what they were trying to do.

But, I mean, I felt like even. With the powers back, like, when the kid wishes for candy, he doesn't, like, go like, oh, that's a shitty wish. But when the kid wishes for the tape, he's like, no, I'm not gonna grant you that one. You had no problem with the candy. The candy is not gonna pay off ever.

Jason Mantzoukas
Is he gonna go back there for, like, what, 15 years? Like, oh, I'm hungry. Go get my Tootsie roll from this weird warehouse. The kid, Max, is more afraid of the kids who are bullies, but he is a kazam. Like, he didn't want to go back to them and ask for the tape.

June Diane Raphael
He is in the beginning of this movie. Think about the child, Max's arc of the film. He is being bullied by kids at school. Then he is being relentlessly stalked by Shaquille O'Neal. His mother is trying to bring another man into his house.

Kay Cannon
He finds a very good man. A very good man. Very good man who he forsakes. He finds his real father, who's a piece of shit, gets embroiled in nonsense, dies, is brought back to life, and then mourns the loss of Shaquille O'Neal. This is a great movie.

Audience Member
Do you think that Shaquille, that Kazam brought him back to life? Yes. Yes, he did it.

June Diane Raphael
What did you think happened? How. That's how he became Jen. Yeah, that's. That's how he.

Kay Cannon
He's like, oh, I did it for the first time. I think what he did was. Cause he made his own wish come true. He was the first time. Oh, wait a second.

Jason Mantzoukas
It was the first time. Kazam has never been selfish, right? Cause he always is. Like, I gotta grant somebody else's wish. I'm gonna do my own thing.

And that was the first time he was like, you know what I want? You're my only friend, and I want you to live. Yeah, but you know what? The person you forgot through his whole. In Max's world, life is his friend.

Kay Cannon
He makes a face to at the beginning, and then we only see the friend one more time, and he's like, you okay? You okay? He's like, yeah, I got a feeling there were a lot more scenes with that kid. That kid was like, I'm four on the call sheet. I'm so psyched to be in this Kazam movie.

Jason Mantzoukas
I'm the lead character's best friend. I'm all over this.

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Kay Cannon
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June Diane Raphael
For music pirators or whatever. Counterfeiters of CDs. The bad guys have such an easy time murdering, inclusive of children murdering anybody. Like, they. This is like a.

This is not a hyper violent crime to just be in a warehouse making CDs, but they have no problem just murdering people. I wonder if it was laughing about it. You know what, though, Jason? I got the sense that piracy was just one part of a bigger business they were doing. Oh, you think so?

You think this was, like an empire of corruption and. And greed? Well, they. I mean, it seemed when they were in the basement, they were just. A lot of CDs.

Jason Mantzoukas
A lot of CDs were down there. It didn't seem like guns or anything like that. Yeah, it almost seemed like that. They, like they were waiting for a genie to show up so that they were trying to attract a genie so they can make the wish to have all the money in the world. That was like, the long con.

Do you think that maybe there wasn't, like, a version of the script where it was, like, drugs? Cause drugs would have been so much. I think what must have happened is that Shaq said, I need to rap in this movie. Of course, just shoehorned in. Because there's the way we get into music piracy, and the understanding of this crime is so convoluted and so strange.

June Diane Raphael
Well, yeah, the valuable thing is, like we said, live recordings of rap artists. And the only reason why shazam, or cause. Sorry, Kazam gets popular is because the brat in the middle of her show does what all rappers do, points at someone in the crowd and goes, now you rap, now it's your turn. In her defense, it wasn't just anyone she pointed to, right? It was him.

Kay Cannon
It was a seven foot six tall. Man with a giant boombox. Yeah. And then. And then he took that lead.

Jason Mantzoukas
And overnight, first of all, everyone wants his autograph. After that performance, they want his autograph, and he becomes class K. Immediately. They call him class K. Wait, what?

June Diane Raphael
I didn't catch that. What was that? Oh, that's the second that he's performing. Kazam is called class K. That's his rap name.

He doesn't go by Kazam. No, Kazam. Kazam would have been a great rap man. What? What are you telling me?

You're saying he's like, okay, here I am. Cause am. Now I'm a rapper. I guess I gotta come up with a rap name. Your name is I can't use Kazam.

That's it. Just my normal name. What? There has boring and a z in it. I am thinking about the movie.

Jason Mantzoukas
There are so many plots. And I feel like it's the rap name is Gary. That's the only way it would make sense if his rap name was like. Mine is Brad Gary Smith. I was thinking there are so many plots in this.

It's like watching that movie timecode. Because I feel like I've checked out of certain ones. Like there's one whole plot of the club owner Kazam and the girl that's going on in the limo and their night. Because I think he's orchestrating Kazam's career. Then there's another plot.

June Diane Raphael
No, he wants Kazam. Oh, sorry. Genie power. He wants it later. He wants his power.

Jason Mantzoukas
But initially he wanted. But when he seen the nubian eyeballs, I think he wanted a rapper, right? He was on. Remember he says like everyone has a secret. Your job is to find out his secret.

Kay Cannon
So he was like on to. He was on to Merle. Because remember when Kazam hit the boombox, like a little glow diamond fell on his table. And he kept trying to catch it. Mud was like, ah, I got it.

June Diane Raphael
No, there's nothing there. And then he's like, that guy seems to be able to emit imaginary diamonds. So I should become his friend by feeding him God eyeballs and introducing him to the love of his life. And is he dating the lady? Well, that's another plot line that seemed very underdeveloped.

Audience Member
She has an interesting. Because all of a sudden out of nowhere, she seems to really care about Max. Yeah. Yes. Oh, yeah.

Kay Cannon
And then at the end when she's spoiler alert. When they're walking away kazam. And she's like, he's like, I haven't worked in 5000 years. She's like, well, you better get used to that. I'm like, is she also a genie?

Because she says, you don't get it. You don't have control here. She seems to be bored with no. And maybe he was totally upfront with her and just put it all out. Well, now that he's a jinn, does he have to work?

Jason Mantzoukas
Cause then the jinn just be like, give me a million dollars, and he'd have it. No. Cause she's telling him you're getting a job. So is he a human being at the. I don't know.

Kay Cannon
He's human. He looks like he was not giving. Up all of his power. Well, you know, he did. You know why?

June Diane Raphael
Cause he got married.

Kay Cannon
That's what it felt like. That's what it felt like.

June Diane Raphael
Oh, my gosh, guys, I am single.

Jason Mantzoukas
I feel like we should get into the audience here, see what questions the audience has. In case you're keeping track, Jason has no children. Not married. Not married. All right, questions here from the audience.

Your name, what you would name Kazam as a rapper, and your question. I have no idea. I think class K is pretty good. Okay, great. My name is Sarah.

Kay Cannon
Did anybody else notice during one of the scenes when Kazam is talking to Max, he mentions that Jesus is basically a genie? Oh, I do remember that now. It was so shocking. Him. And another biblical character, who?

I don't remember, but he says Jesus is a genie, right? Yeah. Wow, this kid's movie got dark.

Jason Mantzoukas
Yeah. So I guess shaquille really is breaking it down early on. Okay. Yes. It's like one of the wishes was to turn water into wine.

Kay Cannon
And he's like, I can do that. And somebody was like, oh, I wish Lazarus was still alive. And he was like, done. Bingo. Well, for pointing out that fact, I'm gonna give you this great book that I really love.

Jason Mantzoukas
It's called the great showdowns, the revenge by Scott. I wrote the introduction to it, but it's really awesome. He's amazing. It's really good. Get that book.

All right, you, sir, what do you got? Your name. Your kazam. I was gonna say, what do you think the dad does? Oh, yeah, that's good, too.

June Diane Raphael
Your name. What do you think the dad does? Okay, and your question, what do you think the dad did? My name's Rob. I think the dad just runs a warehouse party day in and day out.

Jason Mantzoukas
They show up in the middle of the day, and that's when debratt's there. Oh, you're right. They dot it, quote, s daytime. Well, it was the nineties, so it's different. That's true.

So late in the movie, max kind of has a breakdown. He's really upset about everything, and he's like, I'm gonna show em all. I'm gonna show them all, like, maybe I'll become a personalist. I heard that Max does. I heard that.

Audience Member
Oh, it was amazing. Yeah, that was a weird moment. Cause Shaquille, at that point, became an image on the ceiling, like a constellation on the ceiling, and was talking to him as a two dimension, a one dimensional person. The only thing I can, I don't know, come up with is that the dad had a personal assistant who he also seemed to beat up from time to time, but who seems sort of like a sunfish figure to him. So I don't know.

Maybe he just thought that was a job that was open and he worked. Close with his father. Everyone knows the power is the personal assistance to. They know everything. Yeah, exactly.

Jason Mantzoukas
All right, sir, what do you think the dad does? Your name and your question, Brad. I think the dad. I agree. The dad's like a talent relation, an observation.

The friend. The make a face friend. That's the director's son. Oh. Oh, well, well, well.

Kay Cannon
I like that. And by the way, his son wasn't good. His son wasn't good enough to actually get the bigger part of Max. So at the very end, at the credits, it says it's dedicated to three people, Elizabeth somebody. Somebody I didn't know.

I didn't look it up or anything if they were his children. But I just started to think I was like, if I was his child, I'd be like, it's okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Spend time on this one. Yeah.

Jason Mantzoukas
What? You guys seem like you have a partnership here, that you need this information. No. A quick thing. All right, quick thing.

Here, touch my hand on the mic. I'll hold the mic to your face. You just talk into it here. Those bullies sodomize them with a key. And it.

Kay Cannon
What? Oh, right. They said they'll put the key up. His ass right where it will only fit. He doesn't have any bruises.

Jason Mantzoukas
So all they did was sodomize him with the key. And then, well, he has a little bit on his face because his mother's like, what happened to your face? What happened? But I think makeup was. Not.

Kay Cannon
Again. Yeah, yeah. They're not there. Shaq is a sweaty mess. They couldn't do.

Jason Mantzoukas
They couldn't do anything. Do you think his butt is a safe?

By the way, there was something about Max that I loved too, which is like, his mom's like, have this OJ. He's like, ew. What kid doesn't like OJ? Like, he's like, and eat these pancakes. They're waffles.

He's like, ugh. Like, it's not like his mom was, like, trying to feed him health food. It was like, the most, like, kid friendly food. We didn't even talk about that scene. How they ate the french toast behind the mom's back.

June Diane Raphael
The flying French. Flying french toast. And then she had to make. The kid won't eat it, so he makes the french toast fly into his mouth in one whole bite and almost kill. I mean, I feel like the monster.

That was a deadly serving. How about when the bad guy, when the main bad guy is like, you're gonna do what I want, or maybe he's gonna wake up dead.

Jason Mantzoukas
What? I get it. You are foreign and the villain. But once people are dead, by definition, that means they do not wake up. All right, ma'am, your name, your kazam rap name, if you have one.

And your question. Hi, my name is Julia. And my kazam rap name would be Trickel O'Neal. Ooh. Did you write that down, or are you just consulting your notes?

She does have a lot of notes. And I'm very happy about this. I know how you like your notes. Yes. Okay, I'd like to turn this around onto the panel.

Kay Cannon
When it comes to sharing a race car twin size bed with Shaquille O'Neal, would you prefer to be big or little spoon? Wow. Amazing question. You're gonna get one of these great showdown books too. I would like somebody to start a tumblr where all of you can just post images of your notes.

June Diane Raphael
For these movies.

I would like to be. Wait, wait. Which is big and which is little? Would you like to be spooned or spoon? I would like big spoon or little spoon?

I would like to be spooned. I always like to be big spoon. So wait, which is big? Big spoon is the one who's doing the spooning. I like to be spooned.

Kay Cannon
Yeah, I was. Okay. Hey, what's happening? What's that match?

Jason Mantzoukas
Guys, spoon for us right now. Guys, let's take a poll and everybody in the room split up by preference of spooning. Left hand side of the room. Spoonies. Spooners, and then all gonna run at each other.

June Diane Raphael
Whoever we spoon with is. We're mated for life. Let's just make this decision now and not look back.

Jason Mantzoukas
Kay. Where do you fall? Spoony or spooner? Oh, I like to spoon the person, and, like, for 10 seconds, I'd be done. I actually think it's interesting.

Audience Member
I think most men like to be spooned, and I think most women like to do the spooning. Paul. Well, I know the spoon. I'm agreeing with June. If there's a Shaquille O'Neal in my bed, you would.

Jason Mantzoukas
I would want him to envelop me in every way I want to be the little spoon to Shaquille's big spoon. Scoop me up, drive me away in that race car bed to dreamland.

May it never end. All right, who else has a good question? You have a great question. Let's see. Your name.

Your Shaquille O'Neal rap name. And your question. My name's Latoya. I have a really tasteful name. Magic K.

Kay Cannon
Free to a point. I like it. I have two. I'm gonna steal that to make. And then my question, it wasn't just debratt performing.

It was a salt and pepper spinderella. Spinderella. Okay, very good. Yes, very good point. Thank you.

Jason Mantzoukas
And that's why it would probably be worth a million dollars. Maybe it was a collab. That doesn't often happen. Not a cool half a mil. Normal debratt show.

Kay Cannon
It started as 50,000. I remember hearing 50,000. Don't lose this tape. 50,000. And then other genie was like, it's worth a million dollars.

Jason Mantzoukas
That's a big jump. That's a huge jump. All right, your question. When you have the end in salt. And pepper, then, yeah, that is big.

Kay Cannon
Well, my question is, if you could recast a Shaq with another nineties basketball player, who would it be? I would go with Dennis Rodman, obviously. Ooh, Dennis Rodman as the genie. Who else? All right, so 90 basketball player.

Jason Mantzoukas
Well, I would go, who played grandma Ma? Who was the grandmama guy? Larry Jones. Carl Malone. No, it's easy.

June Diane Raphael
Larry Bird.

Done and done. Larry Bird. I would do Kazam. Don't change a line of dialogue. Nope.

I am here to say, I will give Larry Bird to do it now. $500,000 to do a shot for shot remake of Kazam.

And I want the kid who played Max, no matter how old he is now, to play Max. I would say mugsy bogues, because mugsy bogues is probably smaller than Max in size. So I think it would be the reverse, where Max would be the big, and then mugsy bogues would be the small. All right, who has a good question in the back? All right.

Jason Mantzoukas
Yes. Your name. Your Shaq rap name. And your question. My name's Jake.

I would be Kazant. All right. I don't. I felt, yeah, he can't rap. Okay.

God. Oh, I just. I was wondering if anybody else picked up. When Sam goes to his to meet up with his dad, he goes into that party. The woman.

June Diane Raphael
What do you mean, Max? Dating. I'm sorry, Max. Thank you. Max, bro, get it together.

Jason Mantzoukas
The woman that Shaq ends up dating does like, does like a lock eye with him and like straight up like is like wants to fuck him. Who? The dad. He goes to a pov shot and she's like. They're like.

They're like, this is whoever she is and she is straight up just so she's you? Yeah, I'm just. I'm just. I'm wondering maybe that's why she cares so much about him later. Because it's a sexual and intense sexual attraction.

I mean, that's real. Max is her son. Oh, wait, you said he did to Max. I let you. Max.

Kay Cannon
That's what you're saying to Max's dad? I think. Wait, who are you saying? He's saying that the woman that Shaquille O'Neil eventually did, she like looks at him like she wants to fuck the kid. No, I did not.

Audience Member
See, I think you misread that. I think you misread that. Hey, guy, I think that says more about you than about the movie. We're gonna do a quick palate cleanser here. Ma'am, your name, your rap name for Shaquille.

Jason Mantzoukas
And your question? My name is Liz. Can I say what I think the dad does? Yeah, of course. I think whatever it is, it's the same job that Mariah Carey's boyfriend did in Glitter.

Oh, that's a good call. And so I was wondering if he's. Been away for either 3000 or 5000. Years because I heard both. How does he know who Thomas Jefferson.

Kay Cannon
Is, let alone Jesus? Yeah, and he talks about Elvis, I think, at one point too. Or John Wayne. He definitely mentions those two. Yeah, that's a mystery.

I wonder if learning goes on in the bottle. Yeah. How much knowledge is. I mean, the boombox had a radio. Okay.

Jason Mantzoukas
Let me see. I'm gonna. There's some good questions. Yeah. I'm still curious about what's inside that genie bottle in general.

He doesn't seem to talk about it like it's an awful existence. And I'm also trying to remember, like, when genies get out of their lamp, do they need to then carry the lamps around with them? Only if they're going back into it and need it. I do think they need to know. Where it is at all times.

June Diane Raphael
Probably. But what I forgot was, like, normally when you see the bottle, the bottle is this big. Yeah. And Shaxx was. Shaq's was a big boss.

Kay Cannon
Really big. Well, Shaq, as evidenced in the movie, is an incredibly tall man.

June Diane Raphael
You could tell instantly putting him in perspective with a child. In bed.

Jason Mantzoukas
All right. I just. I was wondering if they ever made one of those shack things that you could stand up against in your house to measure how tall you are. And that's kind of what this whole movie is. Yeah.

All right, sir, your name. Your Shaquille O'Neal rap name in your question? My name is Micah. Shaquille O'Neal rap name would probably be MC something. Cause it was the nineties.

Okay. And half an answer. MC something. I believe that the father was the talent booker for the club, and then his other job was pirating the CDs, and the $50,000 figure that came up was the club owner was saying, you know, we have $50,000 worth of CD blanks coming in today, and I'm. I need you to make the counterfeits, because then they will be worth a million dollars.

Kay Cannon
Are you here, other genie? It's other genie. Get that guy a book. I like it. He did answer a lot of questions.

Audience Member
Thank you. I like that they're treating it like it's counterfeit money. Like you need plates to make the CDs. Like, we have to get the plates. $50,000 worth of blank CDs?

Jason Mantzoukas
That's a lot. You're investing a lot in this dabrat concert. Ridiculous. Is that your question or just your justification? Cause I don't want to cut you off.

Cause you already had a. All right. Wow. You. He gave an answer.

Kay Cannon
More than. By the way, great restraint. Quit while he was ahead. He fucking nailed that free throw, unlike Shaquille, and then walked away. All right, who has a good one?

Jason Mantzoukas
Who believes in themselves? All right, great. Here we go. Your name, your Shaquille rap name, and your question. My name is Brie, and my Shaquille rap name would be Genie and Juice.

Nice. I like that. So, as you guys pointed out, Max fell through an extraordinary amount of floors. So I'm wondering, is it possible that he was fatally wounded and the rest of the movie is a Jacob's. Jacob's lantern scenario?

June Diane Raphael
I see where you're going. I see where you're going. So you're saying the only part of the movie that is real is the initial meeting with the bullies, in which he goes into the abandoned house, he falls through all the floors, and the rest of the movie is the last few moments of his life ebbing out of his body, and he's imagining that whole rest of the movie. If that were the case, he's mentally five stars. Five stars.

Jason Mantzoukas
What if. I'm gonna posit one more theory. How about the second time? He falls down the elevator shaft. The end is the Jacob ladder scenario, which is he lived the entire thing, but he never came out of it.

He only imagined Shaquille getting free and the life and everything like that. That would justify it. Ooh, that would be amazing. When he falls the second time. Yes.

Kay Cannon
Because I really do think he's a genie. The other guy, he doesn't. They don't touch him, right? He just. He just kind of was like.

Jason Mantzoukas
Was he running backwards or something like that? He throws him off. Doesn't he hit him with the boombox? No, you're right. He did throw him.

He throws him. I think he tosses him or something like that. I thought he tossed him right off. Did he toss him? Did he toss him?

Audience? Yes. Oh, I thought he just. I do remember tossing him. Yeah.

Well, that kid should have better balance. Okay. Anywhere else? Yeah. How does this kid keep getting into the club?

Wait, wait. That kid should not be allowed in. The kid needs to go everywhere. And, like, he's gone all night. His mom's like, don't do that again.

June Diane Raphael
He's like the king of New York City. Yeah. And then those bullies are trying to get in the club, too. And even when he's trying to be cool in front of those bullies, they don't believe he had that. Like, he had the lanyard, right?

Jason Mantzoukas
They're like, that's bullshit. You don't have that. Like, yeah, he's wearing it. Like, there's nothing in this movie that makes sense. Like, they.

Like, at that point, the bullies should be like, whoa, cool. You got into the club. No, they're like, fuck you. We're shoving up a key up your ass. Rough neighborhood.

Oh, yeah. In the beginning, I forgot about this. Doesn't he tell the bullies, like, there's gold in a locker? Yeah, and he lied to him, so that made him real mad. All right, sir, your name, your Shaquille rap name or father's profession in your question?

My name is Walker. I think his rap name should be special K. Nice, clean. Because. Because listening to him makes you pass out.

My question is, so not only did Starsky direct the movie, but he also did the story. So do you think that he's plugging away on Starsky and Hutch? Like, I got this great idea with Wilt Chamberlain. It's gonna be, I just gotta let this grow for a little while. And they finally got the cache in Hollywood to get dismayed just like 30 years later.

Just pull out that old wilt chamber script.

That is kind of funny to think that that was his dream project to. Write at the very beginning. I gotta say, I kind of, in the first 20 minutes, I was like, I'm really digging this movie. I was like, it kind of feels like Goonies or like. I mean, a little.

Kay Cannon
I mean, I wasn't, like, so sold on Max, but I was like, it wasn't until Kazam shows up. And I was like, no, I'm done. Well, I agree, because I think the. Basic conceit of it, like, the idea that a child could have a genie, could own a genie that could grant wishes, is a fun idea for kids. To see, but he doesn't use it.

Jason Mantzoukas
For any of the problems that they really established in the first ten minutes. It's like, I wish those bullies get embarrassed. Doesn't do it for that. Doesn't use it for being cool, right? But, you know, Starsky was just like, I got Shaquille.

Kay Cannon
Like, I got Shaquille O'Neal in this movie. Like, this is gonna be the best thing to ever do. And then Shaquille was like, oh, I need to rap in the movie. And he was like, fuck you need to what? Now?

Jason Mantzoukas
I wonder if Starsky is a divorced dad and he was writing this as, like. Like, from his perspective to his kid. Like, yeah, there are some things I need to make amends for, but I did it. I did it for you. And I made some mistakes.

And you know what? I. Sure, I got involved in some shady showbiz shit, but I'm back on track now. All right, sir, your name, your Shaquille, and your rap name and your question. Go ahead.

My name's John. I refuse to give him a name because he's so bad. I would just encourage him to rap more. I got quick comment, then a question. Starsky never directed again because of how.

June Diane Raphael
Bad this movie was. And then arguably, yes, one of the 50 million times mass, Max asked for. His parents to get back together. Shaq's like, I can't do that. Only jinns can do that because they.

Jason Mantzoukas
Believe in fairy tales. I don't believe in fairy tales. But in the end, what is the fairy tale? And Max being dead and then him, like, being sad about it. Like, why does he become jinn now?

Paul Scheer
Hmm? Huh? Well, we'll have to all think about that. We're stymied.

Jason Mantzoukas
You did it. You just did it. You stumped us. I was. Did you guys think that.

I did think that the ending was going to be like. I thought this would be the biggest fuck you ending, which would be like his parents to get back together, I thought. And then that stepdad would just disappear. No, instead what happens, which is insanity, which is in the chase. In the warehouse where they're making the fake CDs, which is in the basement of the club, there's a fire.

June Diane Raphael
The whole club gets on fire. Blah, blah, blah, blah. The kid, once again, a corpse at the bottom of an elevator shaft is brought back to life by Shaq. Become going from Jeannie to Jin. Travis, his stepfather picks him up, scoops the kid up, runs out with him.

Kay Cannon
That's not really. If I could amend what you're saying. Sure, sure. He actually, that happened, catches. Sorry, you're right.

It makes it look like Travis saved Max because you can't let it know that it's Kazam who did it. So Travis is the best, again, I contend. Best, greatest guy in the whole world. They go outside. He goes outside the mom, right?

And all fine, and he's the fireman, and that's all good. And they're like putting out fires. And he, like, his dad comes up, gets a second chance and we get the. Max is like, yeah, you can come too, Travis, who just saved my life also. And Travis, a fireman, walks away from an active fire.

Jason Mantzoukas
He does that. Active fire. Okay, Max. This movie exists in a world in where Max is almost omnipotent over all adults. He's like, Travis, you coming?

June Diane Raphael
And Travis is like, uh, fuck it. Yeah, yeah. There's like a lot of fire still. There's a lot of fire. He is going AWol from his job.

Kay Cannon
It takes him a really long time to get the blanket too. Like, she's like, the mom's like, can you get him a blanket? It's like a really long scene. And they say they're like, fuck, Travis, where the fuck were you? He's like, you don't understand.

June Diane Raphael
The kid finally wanted me there. I just saw something here that took me in a little detour. I wish it was more research. So Paul Michael Glaser, the director of this, directed the movie Running man with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Obviously a huge hit, which I would like to do on the show.

Jason Mantzoukas
But he also directed the air up there, a movie about another large basketball player with Kevin Bacon, where Kevin Bacon, it was just this guy, this giant guy. He did direct. Again, this wasn't before. Well, this before, this is a running man specialty was Charles Kanamayana, and he played Celia. So basically, college basketball coach Kevin Bacon goes to Africa to find the next big thing.

And the poster is, you can't see it that far away. But it's a very tall man with a very small man next to him. So I think maybe that was his thing. That's like. Maybe you might even call it a fetish.

I'm pretty amazed at that. Okay, so that's it. Obviously, we had an opinion about this movie, but there are other people out there that had a different opinion. It is now time for second opinions.

As always, we come to you, the audience, to sing the theme. If someone out there has a theme ready to go, I'll run to you, but if not, you'll have to all sing it again. Anyone have a theme ready to go? Anyone ready to sing it by themselves? Going once, going twice.

All right, everyone sing your best rendition. Your own lyrics of the second opinion theme. Go.

All right, that's our second opinion theme. You think you guys would have rehearsed a little before the show? That was terrible. These are second opinions culled from Amazon five star reviews. They're all pretty short, but I figured this was.

This is by Mark Buffard, written in May of 2015.

Simply this three words. Great genie movie.

And Genie is spelled here like. Like J E a N I E. Like Jeannie MacArthur, that is. But this is the one that I really liked here. Okay.

All right, so this one is five stars by Jeff Gone. Shaq Diesel, aka Shaquille O'Neal, has done what few professional athletes have ever accomplished, successfully crossed over to the big screen. I like the COVID of this movie. Still have yet to see the whole thing, but not because I didn't want to watch it. I just keep on getting interrupted, and I'm starting to get a little frustrated.

Audience Member
Frustrated at the movie himself. I feel like Shaq really likes kids, which is fun. And I'm sure this movie is fun, too. Five stars.

June Diane Raphael
Doctor, we're gonna need you back in surgery right now. Are you serious?

Why won't anybody let me finish this?

Jason Mantzoukas
This one is a very long one, but I want to just read. Oh, man. All right, this one, I just want to read this. Middle of it, it says, does every movie have to be. This is what it's titled.

Does every movie have to be war and peace by the autistic werewolf?

Written December 10, 2003. Come on, people, lighten up. This movie was meant to be fun, nothing else. Kazam has a cute little message of a children's hope sustained in the midst of adversity by a special friend. And a message delivered rather well.

Kazam's bad singing is just a fun. It's just a fun. Remember, it's one of those, hey, Jeannie, dude, don't quit your day job things. I'm an adult, and I love this movie. Shaquille did a great job in it.

Shaq gave a genie a wild, special turban flavor, compassion, and dignity. That's way different from all those traditional genie depictions that I found refreshing. Shaq was a hood genie. Everyone in the hood thinks they're the next ghetto. M I a ghetto.

Sorry, ghetto. I am a cool dude rap star. Sorry, I read it wrong. A hood genie living in a boombox would not logically be any different from all the rest of the rap star wannabes. Hence, the movie keeps to its urban theme.

Kazams for kids or the adults who've managed to remain a kid at heart. Anyone else who has done more than just grow up, they have gotten old in the worst context. There's no more fun inside of you. There are no more connections to the joys and the pains of youth that this movie taps into. If your heart is still young, you'll love Kazam.

If not, I pity you.

And then goes, ps, Amazon sells a lot of high tone movies, too, by the way. I bought a few in my time. Go for it. I don't know what that means. Five stars.

June Diane Raphael
So do you think. Do you think that's just a normal guy all the time and then full moon comes out? Autistic werewolf? Or is he an autistic guy all the time? Full moon werewolf?

Jason Mantzoukas
We'll never know. Does he only write in the full moon? Okay, so would you recommend watching this movie? I would say yes. Would you say yeah, yeah, sorta for the rap alone.

Jason, come on. I would maybe speed through. I would maybe fast forward during some stuff. It. There's.

June Diane Raphael
It's. I mean, it's tedious. Well, I think. I mean, watch the kid die, for sure. He's.

Kay Cannon
He's. To me, he's definitely. Shaquille is very charming. I think he's like. I think so, too.

Audience Member
I actually, having seen now two Shaquille O'Neal films today, I I feel I can say with confidence, I think he's doing a great job as an actor, and I think he has some charisma that is coming through it. Really? Yeah. I'm not gonna like shit on Shaquille O'Neal. I will say that his go to is yelling.

Kay Cannon
Yeah. But I think he was trying to be, like, powerful. Powerful and show his presence, like, imposing as a genie. If you were to compare him to. To other athletes and how they would have done, I think he, like, wins an award winning.

He did score for 100%. Athletic performance. Athletic performance. There's a reason why Shaquille O'Neal has been in, like, four or five movies. Yeah, I think he does have.

Jason Mantzoukas
I mean, now, meanwhile. And there's also a reason why Shaquille O'Neal's been in four or five movies. A lot of commercials. A lot of commercials. Would you see Yao Ming in this movie?

Would that be the new version? I wouldn't. I wouldn't want to see Yao. No, Shaquille can carry it. Yeah.

June Diane Raphael
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I was gonna ask who. Yummy.

But I think I know who it is. Okay, well, before we go. Before we go, I'm gonna play one more rap. But what do we have to plug? Kay, you are an amazing writer and now a director.

Jason Mantzoukas
What do you wanna plug? What do you wanna tell people about to see or watch? I don't know. Watch Kazam again. I wrote it, guys.

Kay Cannon
Pitch perfect three is coming out amazing in a year and a half or whatever. So that's amazing in a year and a half. Go see that. Or rewatch the first two people. In a year and a half are going to be like, oh, Kay was plugging this a year and a half ago on that epic.

June Diane Raphael
We gotta go see it. Has that even begun production on it? No. All right, great. You're getting the inside scooping before I.

Kay Cannon
Have the first draft today, actually. Nice. Thank you. Amazing. It's terrible right now.

June Diane Raphael
Is there a part. It's a singing movie. So is there a part for Shaquille? That's a great question. Let me tell you something.

Kay Cannon
Yes. Oh, please. Definitely a part for Shaquille. If this brought this together in a year and a half, and we all go to the theater and see Shaquille, we will know where this came from. I'm kind of not joking.

June Diane Raphael
If that happens and he's singing to a crowd of people, I would like Paul, June and I to be in the front row of that crowd. Absolutely. Absolutely. By the way, Shaquille was in fresh off the boat. He was very good.

Jason Mantzoukas
He brought the heat. And fresh off the boat, the Miami Heat. He brought the Orlando magic. Rats. It's a basketball team, though, right?

Kay Cannon
I don't know. June, what? Would you still watch the first season of Grace and Frankie on Netflix? Perfect. And.

Yeah, that's it. Jason, I have a very small part on a very wonderful show called Transparent on Amazon. Season two just came out. And, Kay, I'm sure people can watch pitch perfect two right now on iTunes, right? Oh, sure.

Yeah. Check that out and pitch perfect one. Sure. No.

Jason Mantzoukas
But you would prefer for people to wait a year and a half. See three, and then go backwards and. Treat them like prequels. You understand you're allowed to talk about things from the past. Oh, I did not know that plugs.

June Diane Raphael
Don'T have to be future looking. No, I did not know. I did not know I would like to plug. Obviously, fresh off the boat is fun show, but also the first ever vine series. I'm the voice of white ninja.

Jason Mantzoukas
You can watch it on vinegar. That's a thing that happened. So we did all that. And now I'll say this. Shaquille, take it away.

Shaquille O'Neal
Get set for my tete a tete tete. Ha ha. You see what I got? So let me see what you could get? The things I see would make you sweat?

Kings and fool, they're all fish in my net? Cause I am Kazan who made? I'm more than I seen? You all are looking at your dream in your coffee? I'm a dream you don't wish.

Kay Cannon
I get extreme. We got shooting.

Jason Mantzoukas
By the way. I noticed that there. That whoever, somebody holds the mic like, I hold the mic at this audience's face. Just holding the mic in front of Shaquille O'Neal's face because he has to. Hold the boombox, which is emitting fire.

In a crowd, and people are psyched about it. That was before. I'm not gonna make a joke about that. All right, thank you. I didn't, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't.

You all are disgusting people. I stopped. You went forward. It's your fault. Big thank you to everybody at Earwolf, everybody here at Largo, our interns, Averyl Halley, Nick Kiley, and Marissa Zeitz.

Thank you guys so much for coming out. We will do these shows again. Thank you. Good night.

Paul Scheer
At Amica insurance, we know it's more than just a car. It's the two door coupe that was. There for your first drive. The hatchback that took you cross country and back, and the minivan that tackles the weekly carpool for the cars you couldn't live without. Trust Amica auto insurance.

Amica empathy is our best policy.

Kay Cannon
Start clean with Clorox, because Clorox delivers a powerful clean every time. Because messes happen. Because, hey, listen, remember how you told me to toss those takeout containers before we left for vacation? And you were like, I'm serious. If that leaks over the counter, it'll.

Jason Mantzoukas
Be a slimy abomination by the time I get back. And I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. Don't worry about it. I won't forget. Well.

Kay Cannon
Oh, yeah, that happens. So start clean with Clorox. Use Clorox products as directed. Rinse after use if in contact with food service.

Matinee Monday: Kazaam LIVE! (w/ Kay Cannon)

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1: Introduction

2: Deep Dive into Kazaam

3: Audience Q&A

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