In Cyberspace, No One Can Hear You Scream

Conan O'Brien
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Sona Mufsecian
Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Want to talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com. Call Conan. Okay, let's get started.

Conan O'Brien
Hi, Anthony. Welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan. How's it going? Hello, Anthony. How are you?

Good. Conan, how are you doing? This is unbelievable. Well, for us, too. For us, too.

Anthony, tell us, where are you? I didn't really mean that. Anthony, tell us, where are you calling in from? Where in the world are you, old friend? I'm in a one bedroom apartment in Windsor, Ontario.

Anthony
Right now. Oh, okay. Windsor, Ontario and. All right, well, I'm a big fan of all things Canada. I think you're a.

Thank you. So am I. A lovely nation. And I want to thank you for calling in and ask you just a couple of questions just as a baseline. Tell us your name is Anthony.

Conan O'Brien
You're in Windsor, Ontario. You're in a one bedroom apartment. You have some kind of a flag behind you. I do, yes. One of my favorite bands.

Oh, that's a band. It looks like it's for the Romanov family in Russia. Yeah, I stole it from them, actually. It was quite tough to get. Well, you're a bad art thief because you steal things and then put them on your wall and then go on a zoom.

Is your hair your hair? I'm just going to comment it right away. Oh my God. Wait a minute. Forget your hair.

You just drank out of a human skull he just lifted. Wow, that looks like a human skull. I'm hoping it's not a real human skull. Oh, well, I did steal that from Russia too. That's how I got it.

Anthony
It's actually was from this guy here, so. Well, I can see it's not real, but what do you, you. Wow. Okay. And also I was going to comment on your hair, which looks to be dyed different colors.

Conan O'Brien
Is that right? It's, there's some black, there's some bright, bright orange. This is my natural. This is my natural. Oh, my apologies.

Anthony
My roots are coming in. I'm so sorry. Yeah, this is red. It's red all the way to the bottom. It's great.

Thank you very much. I appreciate that. So here's what I'm getting. I'm seeing a skull behind you on the background. I'm seeing that you're wearing a black shirt, your hair is dyed multiple colors.

Conan O'Brien
And so this leads me to question, what do you do for a living? Are you a satanist? How does that pay? Do you conjure the dead? Only on weekends.

Anthony
Oh, and you have black, full time. Job, black fingernails too. I know, I noticed that. And listen, I am not anti satanist and I'm not pro satanist. I like to sit on the fence.

Conan O'Brien
Yeah, for those I'll come down anti satanist. Really? I'll take the risk. I'll be pro satanist. Yeah, we have many.

Yeah. And I just think, hey, live and let live, which is not what a satanist. Please. No, I think hail Satan. Yeah.

Okay, take it easy. I wouldn't bless you. So I am a phlebotomist, if you can believe it or not, I take blood. Oh, I trust Anthony. I believe you take blood.

Now we know what you're drinking out of that skull. Oh, man. Yeah. I completely believe you take blood. Whether you do it professionally, I'm not sure.

So you're a phlebotomist? A phlebotomist. You study blood disorders, is that correct? So I don't study. I do, like, any.

Anthony
Whenever you're getting any diagnosis or anything like that, it all starts with blood tests, right? So they come and see me. I do all the prepping. I make sure all the prep needs to be done for the testing, and then that gets sent over to the lab there. Okay.

And then to assert dominance, I smear some on my hair, and that's where the red comes from. I love that because I also like to assert dominance. But I have other techniques, which I'll tell you about later in a separate call, so. Wow. So you do extract the blood yourself or does someone?

I do, yes. Okay. All right. And you're not squeamish at all about it? Clearly.

Conan O'Brien
You're fine. Putting a needle into somebody. I'm okay. And taking their blood. Yeah.

Anthony
Ever since I was younger, my mom would watch, like, all these, like, surgery shows when, like, I'd be just, like, home. She would watch the TLC stuff, and it would be all surgeries, and I'd just be sitting there watching it with her. So all that stuff really interested me when I was younger. And, yeah, that's just not squeamish at all because of it. Actually got to help out with an autopsy one time as part of a perk in schooling.

Conan O'Brien
Yeah. Yeah. So now every job has its perks. I've often offered you a free autopsy examination around Armenian Christmas, and you're always real. Like, that's not a perk.

So you went in and assisted in an autopsy, and you weren't squeamish at all about it? No, not at all. And you'll never forget the smell, that's for sure. But it was. It was probably one of the most incredible experiences of my life.

Anthony
Just because you, like, nobody gets to do that as, like, just every day. Right. Except for, obviously, the person performing the autopsy. Right. But it was just something neat to see because I don't have the smarts to be a doctor, but it was awesome to be able to be a part of.

Conan O'Brien
Anthony, first of all, I don't think you should put yourself down. And you are a phlebotomist, and so clearly you have great capabilities. Have you ever been interested in being a, you know, pursuing this further and getting a full on medical degree. Are you. Are you content with phlebotomy?

Anthony
I've been actually doing it for nine years right now, so I'm kind of content where I am and just kind of going about there, that was about the limit of what my. What my knowledge could actually take. And before, I wanted to scream, but, yeah, that was. I think I'll stay here because it was pretty tough. Anthony, quick personal question, that whenever I go to get blood drawn, and it's a lot because they're always trying to figure out what's wrong with me and how can he still be alive?

Conan O'Brien
And just based on my complexion alone, there's this constant. Could he. Is it possible he's dead? But you know what I want to say, and this is true. Every time, many times a year, I get my blood drawn.

They always have a notoriously difficult time finding a vein in my arm. What is that all about? They say they can't find. And this is people who come in and go, trust me, I never have a problem. They go in with one needle.

It doesn't work. They try another. They say, huh, I'm gonna try over here. They can't find a vein. You should get a little tattoo with an arrow that says, like, right here.

Right here. I know I should. But even then, I think, is it that my veins are deeply submerged? Would that be the problem? So everyone's biology is technically different in some cases.

Anthony
I've never heard of anyone having issues. So you might be the only one in the world that they actually just might want to poke for fun, just to be able to get a reaction. You know what's funny? I often hear giggling. There's a lot of giggling.

Conan O'Brien
And then usually, if it's at the doctor's office, there's other doctors and nurses outside the door, and I hear a lot of giggling and high fiving. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Point at you and laugh. They all take pools to see, like, how many needles you could probably take before you pass out. Yeah, that's.

Anthony
That's the fun of it, really. That's what we do at our job. It's. It's. It's just side cash, you know?

Conan O'Brien
So. Okay, so you are. And I'm just gonna say it as often as I can because I love it. You are a phlebotomist. You study phlebotomy.

You've often given people a phlebotonectomy. But also, you like to practice the dark arts. You drink from a skull. You dress in black, tell me a little bit about your hobbies. What do you like to do for fun?

Anthony
I'm in a band actually with my brother and it's all themed of course about like religion and the questions of choice between that type thing. So that's always been my main question in life and it's really neat to pursue it in like a musical way. And so we're in a metal band together. When you said. When you said metal, it was not a surprise.

Conan O'Brien
I did not think this was going to be polka. Yeah, you were sure polka. Yeah, I was thinking that's what I started with. I started with the. With the flute and then I ended with scream.

Anthony
Yeah, vocalist. So what do you do in the band? Are you the vocalist? I am the scream vocalist. We have two.

The genre is called metal core. So you have half screaming and you have melodic singing. And so we have a buddy of mine who does the melodic screaming and then I do the intense stuff. Do you mind? I mean, are we okay, should we reset levels?

Conan O'Brien
Eduardo, could you give us a sampling of a scream? You might. Yeah. Take a sip out of the skull first, have some blood and I'll put on spot here. And no vocal warm up?

No, no, it's okay. I'm sure you don't need vocal warm up to scream but give us a sampling of what you might and what would help you. Should I be playing a rhythm track? Like. Yeah, yeah.

Anthony
Give me like a hard breakdown. Like a boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Boom boom, boom, boom. I will not survive.

Conan O'Brien
Did you do it yet? Did that. Was it pick it up because. No. What did.

Anthony
Did you hear anything? I just heard it sounded like you swallowed a crouton. Okay. What did you know? That's basically the mic doesn't pick it up.

The mic doesn't pick it up because it's so loud. Here, let me try this.

Conan O'Brien
Go back. Put the. You meant you take over. Okay. Put the headsets on your desk.

Step away from the headset, sir, and walk back to the back of the room and then yell at least 9ft and then yell. Am I trying this for real? Yes. This is not a bit very serious about people that scream. Oh my God.

Sona Mufsecian
Still it's not getting. It's the Zoom audio filter. That's probably just zoom. Yeah. Hey Sona, that's the 9th tight.

Conan O'Brien
That's the 9th time today. But zoom discriminates against people in metal corvette. I wanted to hear it. You know what's so crazy? I got all excited.

Anthony
H mufsecian. I fucked for h for hell, no. No. Cause I'm a satanist. But guess what?

No, it's cause Matt had that perfect, perfect middle name for you. Anyway, Anthony, I have to tell you, I am really disappointed because I was, and I'm sure the listener is as well, I was all ready to hear this. Is there a way to disable that function? So, yes, the listener will be able to hear it because he's recording locally, not on zoom for us. What you're hearing is the filter version so I can talk him through how to turn off the filter.

Conan O'Brien
Okay, but that's gonna take you Conan. Yeah, I have music videos on YouTube. I have. My band name is among the rest. You can check it out if you want.

Nice little plug. I love it. I'm gonna do it google. So you're gonna do a google? I'm gonna goog it.

Okay, I might goog it as well. You google later. You know what? I'm gonna goog it at the Guggenheim. Yeah.

Anthony
Oh, great. I'm going to. Your band is among the rest. And what does that refer to? What does it mean to you?

That's what I always say to people when they say, oh, what does that mean? I said, well, what does it mean to you? Whatever the answer they give me, I say, yes. Sounds like a metal core band in Ontario. Yes.

Conan O'Brien
That's what. That's what we were going for. Oh, good.

Sona. Where else can you go surfing and skiing the same day, huh? I don't know. Or check out a world class art museum and then camp at a dark sky sanctuary that night, huh? Yeah.

Yeah. Where else can you hike through redwoods and then get a luxury spa treatment? Where? Well, you live there. California.

California. Sona, no matter where you go across the state, you'll find a way to play. I'm a California resident. Sona, you are a lifelong California resident. I'm a lifer.

Sona Mufsecian
I love this place. This is a beautiful state. Gorgeous. So many different wonderful ecosystems in one state. You can hang out by a Palm Springs pool, you know, you can go whale watching.

Conan O'Brien
You can go hiking in Yosemite and then talk about the great cities in California. You get all this amazing food, sushi, whatever you want, got it in California. Hey, if you can't find it in California, man, you got a problem. Yeah, I shouldn't have done that. I made that up on my own.

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Netsuite.com Conan I'm going to say it one more time just for emphasis. Netsuite.com Conan on the way in today's Sona, I was thinking about just how much has changed over the years. Yeah. You know, when I was a kid, we were all dancing the jitterbug and the Watusi. And then you grow up now and there's mosh pits.

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Oh. You know, what is that? I'll explain. Okay. That's a business doing business with other businesses.

You know what I'm saying? I call it b two B. It's a little thing. It's also. It's a boy band I'm working on.

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Sona Mufsecian
Are you serious? Yeah. That's more people than are on earth because there are people on the moon using it in Saturn. That's over 1 billion members on its platform, including 70 million decision makers. God, I'd like to meet a decision maker.

Conan O'Brien
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To be.

Wow. I was so disappointed not to hear the scream, but I guess when people hear the action. Oh, I was doing. I was. I was really.

Can I simulate what it sounds like to us? Yeah, I'm gonna do what it simulates what it sounds like to us. I was going, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And then you went. And then I went, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

And you went. And then we said, step away from. Step away from the headset. Go back 15ft. You did.

And then we didn't make any drum sound. Then I heard. Yeah, it sounded like a milk burp. Yeah. Actually, that's one of our songs.

Anthony
Milk burp is. You'll find it on Spotify. But you know what I'm loving now, Anthony? I'm sure you really do scream, but I do think you should do a set and you guys should record it where you play your normal material. But instead of what you normally do, just go and guess what, do that.

In the band sometimes. And we will, like during breakdowns of shows, I will try and spit facts that are not true. In between. There's a silent part before we come in. So like it'll be like 50% of giraffes are bisexual and then we just come right into a huge breakdown and.

Conan O'Brien
Percent are not bisexual. If 50% are, then 50% or not. Correct.

I love that. I think you'd be good in a metal core band. I would be. I have a pretty good screen. You should play the triangle.

Anthony
You should play the triangle. No, you don't get it, man. You should scream. No, I'm a good screamer and I'm a very dynamic presence on stage. And I do think that Satan resides within me.

Conan O'Brien
You got that right. That's for sure. The only way to prove it is if you ever make it down this way for any reason, come play a show with us and I'll put you on as a feature. Well, first of all, it would be up that way. Anthony, no one comes down to Ontario.

But he's a satanist. He's in hell. Oh, I see. Yes, that's right. You're in the lowest reaches of hell.

Very nice. Very nice. So how do you get along with people you work with? Do they accept you for who you are? You're a little bit, I'm going to say it the way someone would have in like 1952 and was in an older guy in entertainment.

You're pretty far out there, you know what I'm saying? I mean, you're way way. You're wild cat. Yeah. Yeah.

Anthony
I think getting along with them is really well. And I think it actually translates well to like, hey, it's somebody different. So they remember me in a way. You know, it's like, oh, there's that guy at that lab that, you know, does that. And I'm playing music in the lab all the time and people know when they come in they're like, oh, where's the metal?

Where's the metal? So they, they're able to see and hear and everything. Just what I'm about. And I don't hide it, but it's great. Like the patients love it.

I have a 70 year old Dan and she wears my band shirt to work all the time. Maybe she's got a little crush. Yeah, she might actually. Yeah, it's. You never know.

Conan O'Brien
I have a question for you. How good are you at putting that needle and do you have like a ginger touch, because some people are a little painful, and others just have a knack for it. You know, not to toot my own horn, but I feel like this was, like, kind of my calling. And people have said, you know, they'll walk in, be like, nobody's ever gotten me. I can't.

Anthony
And then I'd just be, like, done. And it's with practice. I've worked in, like, cancer clinic stuff for school, so you get a lot of hard picks. And with that practice, you know, sometimes it just. I'm good.

That's all I could say. Hey, that's. But you know what? It's nice you started out, you know, you're trying to be self effacing, and then all that just cracked away like an ice sheet. And you said, I am the very best that's ever drawn blood.

Conan O'Brien
I would want a confidential. I'll wear that. You don't want an insecure. How many times have I said in my life, I love a confident phlebotomist? How many times?

Daily? Yeah, it comes up a lot. Almost as much as he said, fuck you, zoom.

So. Well, you know, I wish that you drew my blood. Because I'll draw your blood. No, because they notoriously have a hard time finding blood inside me. Let's see those arms.

What do you. Maybe you don't have veins. Well, I'll look at them from here. We'll. We'll see if I can.

Anthony
I can find you one. If you ever come up this way, I could do a blood test for you. You know, I get. I can show you the gun. Sorry.

Conan O'Brien
Come on. We got the gun show going. We don't need those tickets. Come on. I think I would be too intimidating to take your blood if you showed me those guys.

Get in here. Get in here. Okay. All right, so this is. What's that?

Anthony
Beef? No, but wait a minute, still. I see beefcake. I see you've been training for our arm wrestling rematch. You know, actually, I've just been doing a lot of.

Conan O'Brien
Hey, I like to hit the weights every now and then. Listen, I don't see it. I'm gonna tell you that. I'm gonna. It's right there.

Where? It's right there. Just. Just right there. Got one right here.

Anthony
Told you I'm good. Okay. Hey, is it because I'm freckled that they're hard to see? Believe it or not, gingers actually have a harder time taking blood. That's just fact.

Conan O'Brien
Why? I don't know. I'll ask Satan. Hey, Satan. And he's in the corner.

He's in the corner. Yeah, he's just eating. He's eating girl scout cookies, huh?

He's in a t shirt. He's just. He's just feeding God knowledge. Hey, if you guys want to just make this terrible. Just make.

Anthony
Gingers have terrible veins, and that's just. That's where it comes from, honestly, is Satan. There are advantages to being a ginger, I gotta tell you, but I don't know what they are. I have an encounter them yet. You know what I'm going to say?

Conan O'Brien
I'm going to say that Anthony's my favorite phlebotomist. Thank you. You were my favorite talk show host, and I say that with honest to God sincerity, that is. I love you so much, man, and I'm glad you do. That's very.

That's very kind of you. And I'm glad that you enjoy our brand of. I don't know what it is we do here. It's probably not legal, but I'm glad that you're enjoying it. And do you have a question for me?

Is there anything you. I can help you, actually? So my favorite thing in the world was your trip to Italy with Jordan Schlansky in Conan without Borders. I love that. Yeah, it's kind of a two parter, if you don't mind.

Anthony
One is Jordan Schlansky. AI. And the second one is, how did comedy translate in different countries? Now, here, it's like you get the quick wit because there's a lot of play on words. But when you start to get into different languages, like, do they understand that?

Like, when you're going around in the city and you're yelling pasta at, like, pasta names to speak Italian at italian people, do they just think you're insane, or do they understand that level of sarcasm? Two questions, and I'll take the first one. First, you asked, is Jordan AI? I wish he were AI, because I could press delete, but no, he, unfortunately, is who he is. He's a real person, and I love that he came with me.

Conan O'Brien
And in this new show that we just did for Max, he shows up in the Argentina episode, and if you want to look for that, it's called Conan O'Brien must go. It's on Max. It's a reason to get Max, and Sona will reimburse you. Now, two, that's just a contractual agreement that you just said yes to. And then two.

Excellent. Thank you, Sona. No. Sometimes what I do, I try not to offend or anything, but I found that when I'm in countries where people don't speak the language. I become more cartoony in a way where you don't almost need to understand English to understand that.

This is a very ridiculous, silly man. So one of my favorite moments ever was in Haiti in a classroom of young, beautiful haitian children. They were laughing really hard because a maniac just came into the room, and I basically was a party clown. They didn't. There was no wordplay.

But in that specific moment when I'm walking through the streets of Florence with Jordan and I'm shouting out to the crowd, and I just decided, since I don't know italian, I'll just shout italian directors names. So I'm saying Scorsese, you know, and Rigatoni here. There was a few pastas in there, but for a while, I was just doing encopala, and I think I did yell Rigatoni, and a guy went, asshole. So he did understand that I am an asshole. So you never know.

I try to go in with pretty good intentions, and then I think, for the most part, I try to. If it's not translating with that person, I hope it translates back home. So that's kind of the answer to that one. That's excellent. That's awesome.

Anthony
But I really appreciate it because my tv has a Conan O'Brien tv station, so I don't have to pay for anything or give you any money. I can just absorb you that way. Oh, you mean you have a Samsung? If you have a Samsung, that means it has the Conan O'Brien channel. Yeah.

Yes, I do. By all means by Samsung televisions, first of all, do the best televisions and wonderful flat screens. But also, they come with. And it comes with a Conan O'Brien's channel. Yeah.

If you need of you. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm just saying, if you want to, you know, if you're enjoying Conan O'Brien, maybe should check out a Samsung TV. And I'm not getting any for this.

Conan O'Brien
They also have the 24 721 Jump street channel on there, too. Is that true? It's true. And a Bob Ross channel. Yeah.

Hey, buy it for the 21 Jump street channel, but then secretly, you'll grow to love it for the Conan O'Brien nonstop channel. Anyway, thank you for convincing me to promote Samsung, which I wasn't promising to do. And again, not part of my contract. But, Anthony, you are a. You're a great fella.

You're a great fella, and I hope, I do hope one day our paths cross and that you can find where my vein is. Oh, wait a minute. That sounded.

That sounded. Hey. Hey, Anthony. Come over here. I want you to drain the veins, if you know what I mean.

We have this on recording. I'm under arrest. I will say this with confidence, Conan. If you come to me with a blood test sheet or however you want to do this and you need some blood, I promise you. Not that I will try.

Anthony
I promise you I will get you. And guess what? Guess what? I want it done. I want it done on stage with your band.

It's happening. You do this, I come out and you. Yeah. As the band keeps playing and you occasionally go, you take my blood. I love this.

Conan O'Brien
Anthony. Hey, Anthony. Very nice talking to you. Thank you. It was absolute pleasure.

Anthony
Thank you so much. Salute you and Canada. And then you were going to say something nice about Sona. Sorry to interrupt you. Say something nice about Sona.

That's okay. I was going to say Sona. Thank you for signing me in. Okay. Interrupt.

Conan O'Brien
No, but say something nice about Matt, too, because he does a lot of work. This will be fun.

Hey, good to meet you, Anthony. Wish there was time to talk about these guys. Bye.

Anthony
Love you. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sona Mufsecian and Matt Gorley produced by me, Matt Gorley. Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Nick Liao and Jeff Ross at Team Coco and Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at your wolf. Theme song by the White Stripes.

D
Incidental music by Jimmy Vivina. Take it away, Jimmy.

Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair and our associate talent producer is Jennifer samples. Engineering by Eduardo Perez. Additional production support by Mars Melnick Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Bautista, and Britt Kahn. You can rate and review this show on Apple Podcasts and you might find your review read on a future episode. Got a question for Conan?

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Emmy Award winning John Mulaney presents everybody's in LA, a special run of six live episodes created by and starring Mulaney that'll stream live on Netflix during the Netflix is a joke fest. The comically unconventional show will feature special guests where John Mulaney explores the city of Los Angeles during a week when every funny person is in it. Watch John Mulaney presents everybody's in LA, debuting May 3, live at 07:00 p.m.. Pacific time only on Netflix. Meet the next generation of podcast stars with Sirius XM's listen next program presented by State Farm.

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As part of their mission to help voices be heard, State Farm teamed up with SiriusXM to uplift diverse and emerging creators. Tune in to stars and stars with Esa as host Issa Nakazawa dives into birth charts of her celeb guests. This is just the start of a new wave of podcasting. Visit statefarm.com to find out how we can help prepare for your future. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

In Cyberspace, No One Can Hear You Scream

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1: Introduction and Sponsors

2: Fan Interaction

3: Deep Dive into Personal Stories

4: Musical and Professional Aspirations

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