The Roast of Dave Portnoy [VIDEO]

Alex Cooper
What is up, Daddy? Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper, with call her daddy, daddy. Dave Portnoy. Welcome to call her daddy.

Dave Portnoy
Thanks. When's the last time you were here with me? I haven't been on. You haven't invited me on your show since you've been on your own. My Spotify deal.

I did. Since I owned my IP. Yes. Correct. Which we gave you.

Yes. So we're at the Kentucky Derby. Yeah. You brought your new girlfriend. Not my new girlfriend.

We have to get into it immediately. You went viral because you were at the Celtics game and you brought a date. Right. And, you idiot. I show up today to do this interview with Dave, and he.

What is her name? You're not gonna say. Are you gonna sit in silence the whole episode? If it's gonna be about that, yeah, I am. How did you decide to bring this amazing, beautiful woman here today in my presence and think I wasn't gonna bring it up?

Well, because it's like, well, we're friends. So are we friends, you and I? Friendly? How would we define our relationship? Dave?

You didn't invite me to a wedding, but I guess you didn't invite any of the crew either, so that's fine. Okay. It was a small wedding. Yeah. Would you invite me to your wedding?

Absolutely. Are you ever gonna get remarried? Probably not. You would invite me to your wedding? Absolutely.

Really? Yes. I don't believe you for a second. I would. You're saying that because you know you're.

Never gonna get married. Hand to God, if I get married, you will get an invite. You kinda like me.

Yeah. We're friendly. Do you miss me at Barstool? No. You missed the paycheck.

Yeah. Oh, sure. Call her. Daddy made us a lot of money.

Alex Cooper
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Dave Portnoy
Guess what I found out last night. He's not coming. Tom Brady was supposed to come to the unwell event last night. Then he canceled his entire trip. Why?

I have no idea. He had, like, ten tickets, and he canceled everything. To the unwell. Where was it? Or just to the derby?

To the whole derby. But he was coming to my event last night. Well, yeah, he's like, that. Make me cool. Give me, like, well, no, he didn't come.

I mean, coulda, woulda, shoulda. You get no credit for, like, he. Could have come, but he was going to. Has he ever come to one of your fucking parties? Has Tom Brady ever been in Super bowl parties to one of our personal event parties?

I don't know that he has, but I don't care. The last time he threw a party. Okay, let's circle back. Are you a fan of Leonardo DiCaprio?

He's a good actor.

What else do you have in common, though, if you have anything in common? Any similarities? Dave? I think I'm more outgoing, probably like, he hides himself. Well, you also have something in common where you like to date young women.

Well, I don't know if that's always the case, but, I mean, I was married for a long time, too. You are married? No, I was. You. Did you get a divorce?

No. That's true. That, technically is true. We tried to. Our defense.

We tried, and it got denied. That is the biggest crock of motherfucking shit. You said that to me on tour, and I don't believe you for a second. You're like, I tried to get divorced, hand to God. You want me to text her right now?

Say, did we file the paperwork? Did we go to the judge? And the judge looked at it and said, nope. Yeah, call Renee up. Let's go.

I don't fucking believe you for a second. This was a ploy for you. No, you're not actually doing it. This was a ploy that you tell girls so that you can't marry them. I'm convinced.

There's no fucking way. Let's call Renee, text her. See, I'm on a show right now, and I need to clear my name. Alex Cooper wants to. Why would you not be able to get a divorce?

Clearly, you don't know the first thing about law. Because it's me, Dave. Why aren't you divorced? Because she and I have a great relationship. Yep.

Well, I don't know why I'm holding this. And you don't want to give her your money. No, no, no. We have the perfect relationship. We're best friends.

So in the judge looked at it, we didn't want to split. We didn't want to change how we're doing things. We just want a legal divorce. And the judge said, nope, he has too much money and wouldn't accept it. No, literally.

Play that back. You have too much money, you can't get divorced. Sid. Who the fuck ever, you little piece of shit. Because they're like, he's trying to screw you.

And I wasn't. No, this doesn't make sense. Go ahead. I'll give you a minute. Text her.

Wait. By the way, I just got. I just got text from Tom Brady's people. Was Brady actually going to the show? To Alex's unwell event last night?

Laugh my ass off. That's one of the funnier rumors I've ever heard. I didn't tell you swearing by it. He was 100% coming. Cancel the whole trip last minute.

Where'd that come from? I mean, I know she's well connected, so maybe some mutual friends had told her something I don't know about, but no, he had an f one event last night. You better come stronger than this, Alex. We have connections to my friend. It's better not be on the.

On the cutting room. Who's texting you that right now? Tom Brady's right hand man used to be my right hand. I haven't said this publicly yet. I haven't even said anywhere that he was coming here.

So. Who said that? Someone over there. What do you mean? You just said it to me.

And so did you text someone? Yes. No. It was texted over there. So you motherfuckers texted someone to see?

Yes?

You little piece of shit. I swear to God, he was coming. Direct from Tom Brady. Not true. Tom was coming to my party.

Shoulda, coulda, woulda. You were gonna get a divorce. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Bitch. Fucking bitch.

I'm gonna get it right now. Okay, let's talk about the Celtics. All right. How old are you? I have.

Don't answer that. 20. Don't answer that. Two. Way young.

21. Way young. You're way off. 25. Four.

Way off. Give me a little nod. No, the girls stick together. No, the girls do not stick together. We're not talking about it.

25. Thank you. My girl over there gave me a little. So I'm on a date. Who cares?

Okay, so why. Okay, I have a question. So you go to the Celtics game for anyone that lives under rocks. Dave was at the Celtics game, and he chooses to bring this gorgeous blonde woman right on his arm to the game. And you sit directly behind the announcers, and you look like you're gonna shit your pants when it goes live.

Right? The guys are like, here we are at the Celtics game, and Dave is like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Why did you bring a date to the Celtics game if you didn't want to be seen? So I've already explained this, but no. One listens to BFf.

Yup. That's not true. Everyone listens to what I say. I'm just kidding. Love you, Joshua.

You're Rihanna. Okay. I usually, if I go to Celtics games, I sit on the court. Like, center court. Very vocal.

Yeah, it is a flex. So I'm. I always go Celtics games. I'm from Boston. I'm a die hard Celtics fan.

Okay. Celtics ended up playing Miami. Playoffs. I live in Miami. I did not take courtside seats.

I turned them down. I bought seats in the corner. Such a martyr. Yes, I bought seats in the corner. They fell through.

Okay, MB, who works for us, bought replacement tickets. It was a deal. Game time. Bought the tickets. I had no idea where they were.

Walked in, you know, you show the usher, where are we sitting? We sat down. I said, oh, fuck, we're right behind here. Two minutes later on tv, we got up and left. Okay, question.

How many dates have you had to have been on with a woman to bring her out in public to event like that? Like, how many have she and I been on? Yeah, we've hung out a decent amount. Okay, what does that mean? We've hung out a decent amount.

What does that mean, hung out a decent amount? Like, she lives in Boston, so we do births. She was here for the week. That's why she's here now. Which I thought you'd have some decency and not bring it up, but we.

Gotta entertain the people. This isn't entertaining. I think this is so entertaining. This is amazing. So if you were on a first date, would you ever bring a girl to assaulted?

No. So this is serious. No, that doesn't mean that either. You say you hang out in bursts, correct? Who says that?

Well, if you don't live in the same area. So, like, I've known her for a decent amount of time. Okay, how would you describe your type other than young? Who said it was young? I don't know, Dave, your track record.

It'd be like saying, like, I liked athletes. No, listen, I don't. It's. I. You are attracted to who you're attracted to or hang out who you hang out with.

But I'm in a young world, so I tend to meet younger people. I'd love to listen, if she was 35 or anyone was 35. I don't discriminate. Okay, I'm gonna play a little game with you. I'm gonna give you a scenario and you're gonna tell me.

I thought you might be a lot nicer. We were talking before. I'm like, maybe don't come. She was a fan. It's like, no, trust me.

Me and Alex are friends. She won't mention. This is good. This is good. People will love this.

Sick. Sick. This is good. You guys hang out in spurts. This is one of the spurts.

We gotta capitalize. Like, I gotta get those views. And who better to use for views than you? Okay, I'm gonna give you a scenario and you're gonna tell me how you would react. You walk in on the girl you're talking to going through your phone.

What would you do? Break up with her immediately? Yes. Would you say something like, get the fuck off my phone? Like, what are you doing?

Oh, we'll see. You have something to hide? No, just. There's no trust. Yeah.

How do you think she got your password? Do you have an easy password? Yeah, I mean, I get hacked all the time. Is it zero? Zero?

I don't. I don't really try to hide things, so. Yeah, I'm easily hackable and I've been hacked many, many times. Yeah, yeah, we've seen. Okay, she asks you to buy her a Chanel bag after the 7th date.

She asks. Asks you break up. Really? Yeah. What's the most expensive thing you've ever bought a girl?

A g wagon. Yeah, the G wagon. That was fucking crazy. But for that example, like, she never asked for that. You were just so generous.

Well, she. I want to get her something nice. Yeah. Good boyfriend. She asked you to hire her as barstool talent?

Uh, no chance. No chance? No. Not even if she was so fucking. I have a lot of girls who.

Who, in my DM's at one point, waiver between, like, wanting a job and wanting to, like, have sex. Go on a date. I didn't say sex as a date. That's. I said sex.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Separate business. Okay. She's really into toe sucking. No, not my thing.

I won't break up. I just, like. No, thanks. Sucking your toes? No, I don't like any of that.

Would you suck her toes? I'd rather not. She has a passion for making sex tapes and says, come on, one more won't hurt. Would you do it for the love of your life, even if you knew it was gonna get leaked again? Oh, yeah, I don't care.

I don't care about being leaked. That's not me. I care about the girl. So if the girl's fine with it, I don't care. Okay, let's talk about Taylor Swift, lover.

Okay. You're a huge swiftie. Huge. When did your love for Taylor starts? So it really started when Kanye and Kim fucked her with that editing her, like, voicemail about the lyrics.

That was the big. I always liked her music, but that really made me team Taylor. And then I really hate Kanye so much that the more I hated Kanye, the more I started liking Taylor and I hate Kim. So it all played together, and then I just became a bigger Taylor fan. So would you say that you're a big swifty fan because of, like, the personal shit rather than the music, or.

You do, like, combo. But I feel like a lot of. I feel like I've had a lot of. I can feel for her message of, like, when people are lying about you and making stuff up. I feel like that's happened to me quite a bit, so I resonate with that.

And I am a very, like, vengeful person. Okay. Aside from Kim, if you had to pick, like, who would be your favorite Kardashian? Well, Kris is a savage. Right?

Baller. Baller. I mean, she basically whored her daughter out to start an empire. Now, deep, just because you make a sex tape, me being example, doesn't guarantee you endless success. Lots of people have had sex tapes and turn nothing.

She's brilliant, smart, savage. So she's an interesting one. She may be the one I'd like from a business side. Really? Be like, man, how'd you do that?

I would like to have a martini with her. Yeah. She's brilliant. Yeah. People.

I don't like them. You can't deny it. Poo poo, they're brilliants. They're business geniuses. Okay, so do you feel like I'm shitting on you too much?

Should you tell me, like, a sad story from your childhood? I don't think you're shitting on me. We're just having a little fun. Yeah, I mean, I. Listen, did you want the caller daddy treatment, like Dave Portnoy?

Welcome to call her daddy. Let's go back to the beginning. Tell me what happened in your childhood that fucked you up so hard. I don't have anything like that. Yeah, you do.

I was actually wondering what you were gonna talk to me about, and then I gave you. But I did think you would not talk about her. Why? I don't know. You're making me seem like a bad person.

You've never had an ex that it's like. Well, you don't want to make them upset. No, for sure. But I also like. We're in the public.

You got a fucking if she's not. Yes, she is. There's 19 cameras in this room, sitting in the room. They're not on her. We're gonna leave her in the rain.

It's pouring rain. Leave her out there on the racetrack. Yeah, but you. You know you're gonna be filmed here. Filmed, Bill?

What do you mean, filmed? I come to the Kentucky Derby six to ten times. I've never been on tv. Never. Nothing at Derby.

Oh, yeah, tv. They're treating you guys better than they treat me, which is bananas. Because I'm, like, the biggest horse fan in the country. First of all, films, as in, yeah, no tv. No one gives a fuck about tv, Dave.

IPhones, Internet. I don't care about that. Okay, so then you don't care about being seen with her. So why do you care about me talking about. There's different platforms.

Like being on the Celtics game. And call her daddy. She's not on the couch. Should we bring her over? No, definitely not.

Come on. No shot. No shot. When did you lose your virginity? Can you tell me your virginity story?

Late. Late? Yeah. It was freshman year, college. Okay, tell me the story.

No. Yeah. What the fuck? Tell you this story. Tell me the story.

It was my girlfriend. We had sex. Like, that's the story. It was anything crazy? So when do you think you turned kinky?

Hmm?

Hmm? Hmm? Anyone says not watching, he's, like, fiddling. His toes, trying to think about. Take your time.

Probably, like, I don't know, after my marriage, maybe. Oh, we weren't overly kinky. Yeah. Okay, so you don't. You don't have any sad stories you can tell me from your childhood so we can really make this a full 360 episode?

I wanted your sad, like, rehabilitation. Yeah. Yeah, we gotta do a little therapy. I have not. No?

You never sat alone at lunch. I was popular all the way through. No, you fucking weren't. Of course I was. You work popular in high school.

Personality? No shot. Like, always a funny guy. And you didn't get bullied in high school? No, I was the kid at, like, growing up.

Recess. I pick who plays recess in elementary school. Shut the fuck up. That's cool, kid. Okay, back to Taylor.

Do you think she knows you exist? Yes. Really? Yes. Really?

Yes. Why?

I know she's seen videos that I've made, like, defending her. Yeah. And, like, Travis, Kelsey kind of runs in circles that aren't too different from some of my circles. Okay. Does that make you excited?

No. What? Why? I mean, I wanna meet her, but I wanna say it makes me excited. Yeah.

It's more like as much as I talk about her, I'd love to meet her. And she's so talented, but. No, don't make me excited. Okay. Do you think Taylor and Travis are gonna get engaged?

Yes. Okay, what's the timeline like? When are they getting engaged? Year. Within a year.

How do you think he's gonna do it? Well, I have no idea. How did you do it? I. We went to a resort in Cape Cod, and, like, I had a nice little thing.

Yeah? Was it a nice ring? Yeah, I mean, I was broke then I actually bought my buddy there. His. One of his friends, like family friends, had a ring store, so I got through him.

Okay. What do you think they're gonna name their first kid, do you think? Should they have Travis and Kel? Yeah. Travis and Kelsey.

Travis and Taylor. I have no fucking clue. Let's get. Let's bet Amy. That would be great.

That would be fucking crazy. That would be great. Let's guess right now. So what if we get it right? Just pick names out of a hat?

Is it a boy or girl? It's a boy.

It's probably gonna be like, what's Mahomes first? Patrick. Probably named after Mahomes. That's fucking weird. Shocked me.

Isn't that a little weird? I think Taylor has, like, more class than that. She'd be like, we're not. Oh. I mean, she's into, like, travis is a meathead.

Like, she's into the whole meathead thing right now. Everything she's doing she hasn't done before. Do you like it? Like, do you think it's better? I like her whole story.

Like, that's as I become more of a swifty, like, the latest album. And swifties go crazy, which, I don't know as much of her, but every lyric, everything, like, has a story to it, which I like. I agree. It's not just the music. It's her storytelling, the lyrics.

Oh, my God. The smallest man that ever lived. Yeah, I like that song. Do you think an ex would ever write a song about you like, that bad? Like, have you ever fucked over someone that bad?

That's like a really dark song. I don't think I fuck people over like that. I'm sure maybe other people think. I don't know. I feel like I'm pretty straightforward, you know, that you people can say whatever they want about me.

I'm pretty honest and straightforward. Do you think a lot of people hate you? Hate? No. Do you think anyone hates you?

Yeah, I know some people hate me, for sure. Who? We have some mutuals. We have some mutual. Yeah, we have some mutuals.

Oh, oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which is your doing, not mine. That was your doing.

Fucking hate me because it does. My doing. That was your doing. How was that my doing? That was your doing.

Nothing is ever my fault. This is all on you. How is it my doing? What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

The same thing. I don't know. Are we talking about this? I feel like we are. Are we talking about, like, a little.

No, you. There's two people. Oh. A man that wears a suit like you. No, not him.

Oh, oh, oh. Fuck him. Fuck him. All right, who did I meet? Who did I meet?

You. Who brought trash into my life? You.

That's a fact. Okay, I did bring trash, but then you took the trash out and you tried to get rid of me, too. No, that's a lie. I'm just saying. That's a total lie.

I'm just being dramatic. Yeah, that's a total lie. Okay, I did bring trash into your life. I sat in a room and looked at a room. Oh, my God.

I don't like him, but I guess we have to bring him along. I was right, because I have good. Characters, and I actually regret that to this day. Yeah, I, like, vouched for him. And then he shit on us.

Yes. Yes. Do you think people know what we're talking about? I don't know. This probably will make the.

Not make the. Are you still looking for your court documents? I'm gonna just text her. Okay, let's take a pause. And you just text her really quickly.

Why am I so obsessed with your divorce? Probably because I think you're using it as, like, an excuse to not get too close to women like you. You use it as, like, oh, I'm sorry, I can't move forward with you because I'm still married. That's just not true. That's your trauma.

Let's dive into it. Did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by judge? Divorced. And please explain why we got denied. We weren't.

I was trying to buy a house in antucket. Okay. Most expensive house ever sold in the history of. Okay, your dick is so fucking big. I.

The judge wanted me to give her half of everything I had. And why wouldn't you? Because we have been separated for ten years and we exist. And if. If she wants something, she gets it.

Like, she has access to my bank account still, so she has access to it. If we do that, it changes everything on how we. We operate our lives. She didn't want it. I didn't want it.

So why didn't she tell them that? She did, and they said, no, fuck you. No. No divorce. So why don't you just give her half your money?

Cause then she. We both want the best for each other. Like, I couldn't get the house if we did that. I couldn't do this. It.

We didn't want it. How much was the house again? 40 million. Yeah. 42 million.

How much are you worth? A lot. A lot. Yeah. Do you think I'll get there one day?

See how your barstool junior for women goes? I mean, that's what it is, right? I can't believe you just made fun of me. I'm doing a great job. How did I make fun of you?

I'm running a fucking company. How did I make fun of you? I said, it's Barcelona 2.0. That's what I did.

Alex Cooper
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Dave Portnoy
Two years ago, I became pregnant with a baby I desperately wanted. During a routine ultrasound, I learned that the fetus would have a fatal condition and never survive. I had to flee my own state to receive treatment. I think Donald Trump bears an incredible amount of responsibility for these restrictive laws. We need leaders that will protect our rights.

And that's Joe Biden and Kamala Harris. I'm Joe Biden, and I approve this message.

Okay. You're a swiftie. I haven't seen these. You're right. No, I actually haven't.

I haven't. We're playing. Yeah. Okay. I don't believe you.

So why'd you give me this one? I don't know. Do you want a different one? Just want to make sure you give. Me a fucking card.

No, I got it. I'm good with it. You're good with yours? Do you want a trade? Nope, I'm good.

Okay, so we're gonna read a lyric to a Taylor Swift song, and let's see who knows the lyrics more. Oh, this is gonna set me up for failure. Yeah, well, fail. Okay, so when it's where it says read, we're gonna read it. And then the other person has to answer what they think.

The rest of the lyric is from a Taylor Swift. I'm gonna suck. Okay, ready? New money. I'm not a lyric guy.

Everyone knows I can't do this. This game sucks. Just play. Just have fun. Dave, I can't have fun of all that.

You were that kid on the playground. That was like, a little fucking shit. Well, I don't. I didn't get my team to. I don't want to play.

I'm Andy Bernard. I don't play games that I know I can't win. New money, suit and tie. I can read you like a magazine. New money, suit and tie.

I can read you like a magazine. Take a guess. Blank, actually. That's. Yeah.

Blank space. Yeah. But I don't know lyrics. Take a guess. I.

I don't know lyrics. Dave, you have to play. I. I have nothing. Read me one.

Let's fucking see if I can get. You'll be the prince, and I'll be the princess. Oh, that's easy. You'll be the prince, and I'll be the princess. It's a love story, baby.

Just say yes. Right. So you're a huge swifty. Yes. Dave, what do you think I was doing crying in my bedroom when I was in high school?

Crying in my bedroom when I was in college? I'm absolutely. I'm glad you brought that up, okay? Because I was part of your live show. I am calling absolute bullshit, okay, that you were the ugly girl crying in your room.

I was. No, you weren't. You are pretty. You put up these pictures. You're like.

I was the ugly girl, and then you put up, like, a stunning picture. She wasn't. She was crying in her room. College? Not in college.

College. I was hot. College. I was hot. End of high school, I was hot.

It was like, elementary school was really tough for me. Elementary school? Elementary school. And, like, freshman year of high school. And then I got a glow up.

Okay, but, like, you had a glow up, so you know how it feels. I said I was always immensely popular my whole life. But you weren't cute. No, but I wasn't being picked on. What age did you get cute?

When I got money. Yeah. You got that new hair. Your hair looks so good. This is not new hair.

Well, how long have you had it? My life. Fuck you. This is my. This.

What you're looking at is my hair. No, but you re implanted it from. The back, not on the front. On the front. No, where?

Back. Oh, the front. This is my reel here. Hair. I was ahead of the game.

This is my hair. You are. Nothing has been touched on the front of my head. Really? I don't remember that hairline in some old pictures.

You know why? Because I was working 100 hours a day eating baguettes and sitting and, like, grinding so you could come in and be like, I want more money. Like, 5 seconds into it when I had been doing it for 20 years. That's why you don't remember. Okay.

But, yeah, you weren't good looking either, so we're both little. But I never. I never have complained, like, oh, woe is me. Yeah, but you got roasted online for it. Yeah, I don't care.

I still get roasted online for it. People don't say, I'm good looking now. I think people think you're good looking now. Hit or miss. Better.

Better. Well, try to find pictures and be like, look, she was. Look what money can buy you. I'm like, exactly. Yeah, I have no problem with that.

God fucking bless. It is what it is. A little bit of. Have you ever had botox? No.

Would you ever get it? No. Raise your eyebrows. Huh? You have, like, a good size forehead.

Thank you. Okay, back to. That's very nice. No, that is. I know.

Okay, now I'm. Oh, okay. You fucking know this. This is from the new album. Now I'm down bad crying at the gym.

Now I'm down bad. Down bad. I'm down bad. That's the name of song. I'm down bad.

Down bad. I'm down bad. Finish the fucking lyric. I don't know lyrics. Just guess.

Okay, you actually have to say this one now. I'm down bad crying at the gym. I'm down bad that you think that's the next line. I don't know what the next line is. I just know the song is called down bad.

Just try down bad. You think the next line is down bad? I'm crying. I'm down bad. I don't know the lyrics.

Everything comes out teenage petulance. I don't know. Like, I'm Jimmy Buffett fan. I've listened to a million zillion times. I still sometimes don't.

I don't. Lyrics don't work in my life. You like pina coladas? Getting lost in the rain. Is it getting lost or getting caught in the rain?

Getting caught. Oh, you're really fucking bad. Yeah, like music. Can't carry a beat, can't do anything. Mister Bajuchis told me I had to lip sync in my elementary school graduation.

The trauma is coming out now, Mister Pajucas. Yeah. He told you you had to lip sync? Yep. Isn't that the antithesis of what a music teacher is supposed to like?

No, because I'm loud, too, and offbeat. Give me a beat. Go sing. Do you like pina coladas? Do you like pina coladas or getting caught in the rain?

Yeah, definitely lip sync. I'm not good at that. Okay, wait, give me one. I stay out too late. Oh, you're getting the easy one.

Okay, I haven't looked at this page. Give me. Read this. All right. This one's harder.

Okay. Sometimes you just don't know the answer til someone's on their knees and asks. You, oh, man, this is from evermore or folklore. Someone's on their knees and asks you, you would have made such a lovely bride. What a shame she's fucked in the head.

You'll pack up your tattoos. What kind of swift air you to be like? I want Kim Kardashian on this show. Bang. No, no, no.

I was thinking. I rarely pause. Let me think about that. You have me speechless, Dave, because if. You'Re actually a real swiftie, you know how she feels about Kim.

This is the thing. I don't think I'm, like, intertwined in, like, Taylor's personal life. I love her music. Is that fair? Yeah, and I feel like you're intertwined in her personal life and you don't know as much, clearly, about her fucking music.

Well, I'm bad at lyrics. No, that's not fair. You're bad. You don't know her songs. No, no, I know her songs, but not as well as hardcore swifties, for sure.

I'm open about that. Okay. If you are an actual swifty, you can get this one. I want to be your end game. Go.

I need to hear picture. Taylor's in the room right now. I need to hear I want to be endgame. Nah, I wanna be your.

Wife. Dave, you're so fucking bad at this game. I could have told you I'd be bad at it. Do you think that's problematic? If I would want to have Taylor and Kim on the show.

Oh, my. Imagine if I got them for sit down. I would call you, like, the greatest ever. Do it. If you did that, if you got the two of them together, that would be.

You can't top that. No. And I know I could never do that. Cause they would never do that. If you can do that, you can do anything.

Are you having fun?

Oh, I don't know if it's fun. That won't be the word. Are you feeling entertained? Yeah, it's entertaining. Let me see if I got the text.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Text. Did she answer? Is she awake? All right.

I have a ridiculous question. I'll explain later. Did we try to legit get divorced and get denied by a judge? Yes, twice. Ooh, can I read your text?

Miss Pisha paused up when she answered the phone. So cute. Awesome video. But, oh, you too. Would you ever get back?

I feel like you guys are angry. No, she's got a boyfriend. I kind of, like, ship you guys. I don't. I don't have a girlfriend.

She has a boyfriend she's had for a long time, but best friends. But maybe she's waiting for you to come back, get. Be done with all the youngs. Come. Are we just gonna ignore the fact that I was dead ass, right?

No. Pretend that I was just deadass. Right? Wife. And she knows you're always up to, like, weird shit, so she knows.

So no matter how that was answered in the exact way I described, I wasn't gonna get crazy? No, I need to see the documents. That would be like if I texted Matt being like, I'll explain later. I didn't kill someone. Right?

On this day, he'd be like, absolutely not, babe, love you so much. I'll be sure I have the documents. You'll find it, and then I'll post it on social media. Okay. It's crazy.

This is, like, my first derby. Can I go bet with you? Yeah, if you want. It's. We bet a lot.

Like how much? Hundreds of thousands. Do you have a gambling problem? No. Do you think you'll go into debt?

No. Gambling's made me all my money. What's the most you've ever bet on? A single game? Million dollars.

What the fuck is wrong with you? What? We won. Michigan, beat Alabama. Oh, wait, that's the.

You went viral recently for that, right? Or was that a while? I've won $5.4 million this year, clenching. Your asshole the entire day. I was with my mom.

I brought, so I went to Michigan, so I'm Michigan grass. Oh, you went with your mom? Were you holding her hand, squeezing it? We were tight. Yeah, it was very exciting.

And I have a lot of money, so it's all relative. Have you ever given someone a million dollars? Yeah, we just gave a cop who got killed in line of duty 2 million. Oh, my God. Yeah.

Wait, that's fucking amazing. Mm. Hmm. And Sully's raised half of it. I matched.

What are you worth? Like 400 million? No, not that much. 300? 200?

Mmm, probably. Yeah, probably a little. No, more than that. Probably like 250. Something like that.

243. I don't know. So how much money should I bet? Are you cheap? I don't know.

What is cheap? Well, like, do you care about money? Like, I'm easy. I. If I lose your grand today, I don't care.

What? I mean, I care, but I don't care. So it's. Why don't you care? I don't know.

It's just money.

Did you grow up rich? No. Middle class, but not rich like my parents, when they walked in, like, the first time they see me, they cry. Like, wait. When your parents see you, they cry?

No, like the first time they, like, walked into my house. Miami, Montauk. My mom just starts crying. Oh. Cause she's so proud of you.

Yeah, it's just like, you can't really imagine it. It's like a crazy. Well, no, I'll give you credit for 5 seconds and stop fucking around for 2 seconds. I think what you. Everyone can try to, like, discredit what you do.

And, like, people can be like, oh, he's like a piece of shit, and he's a misogynistic fuck and, like, he's crazy and, like, he's a piece of shit. But I think you're really smart, and what you've built is, like, no one can discredit that. Like, you really want to discredit the misogynist stuff. Since we've had, like, the most female success of any company, like, ever.

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Dave Portnoy
Miss Peaches. The best. She's the best. She's the best. She's also wildly famous.

Okay. Do you think she's more famous than Henry? If he had an instagram? Is that a real question? Oh my God.

You don't think Henry's nearly. Oh my God, Dave, I can't walk in New York City when I'm there without every 5 seconds being stopped and people are like, oh, my God, Alex, I do love you, but. Sorry, I want to say hi to you. Same with Miss Peaches. Okay, so we should walk around the block together.

I would quite literally put my life on Miss Peach. Okay. Henry's cuter. Sorry. Absolutely not true.

Absolutely. Miss Peaches is more popular than you guys. Were at your prime at PMT. Was at our prime at me. She's more popular than anything we have.

Are you monetizing it? Everything goes charity. Oh, yeah. Okay. Do you think Miss Peaches and Henry could date at some point?

No. Why? Because Miss Peaches had a life of too many men being forced upon her and like, multiple litters. So she's not dating. I'm very protective of that.

Are you gonna go get another one? I'm thinking about it. What are you gonna name it? I don't know. Are you a girl or a boy?

Girl, probably. It's up there. I don't. I gotta see how she. Yeah, like, if she wanted, it's not for me.

It would be for her. But it. Doesn't it make you sad when you leave her at home? Very much so. And I, when we got Bruce, it made me so happy because Henry fucking hated Bruce at first, and now they're best fucking right.

So that's why I really don't leave her very often. Like, she comes with me almost everywhere. Who's watching her now? Danielle, my assistant. Okay, as we're wrapping up, I want to talk about my wedding really quickly.

What? You didn't like, you were the biggest hit at my wedding. What? You were the biggest hit. You were at your wedding?

Yes, you were. What does that mean? No, you were the biggest hit. What does that mean? Okay, let me explain.

You're gonna fucking die at this. I died. So Friday night is like the rehearsal dinner. And we're sitting outside and all of our friends are giving speeches. And everyone's coming up, and they're giving speeches.

And then Matt's best friend was like, okay, we have one final surprise. And we have one person that couldn't be here. But you aied me. No, Dave. Yeah.

Yeah, we AI do. No, listen. So it was the biggest mind fuck. I'll show you. It was actually really fucking cute.

So he brings up this giant fucking television onto the lawn, and I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And your face comes up on the screen at my mother fucking wedding, Dave. Okay. And I'm like, why would Dave have made me a wedding video? Like, what the fuck?

We're close, but we're not that close that he needs to. He can, like, text, and your fucking face pops up. But it was like. It was like a joke. And you start talking for 2 seconds, and then it cuts out.

And then Matt's grandmother, who's 100 years old, comes on. But look how funny this is. Imagine my face when I see you pop up. All right, I'm on my hot boy walk here, sweating, bad head.

Congratulations, Matthew and Alex. And then she comes on. So I was at your wedding. You were at my fucking wedding. I knew that.

Does that make you happy? I don't know what that makes me, but it shows that I'm still relevant, I guess. That I showed up at the wedding. I think that's, like, your husband's ripped. By the way, Matt did say to invite you.

It was kind of a no brainer. Oh, wait. Did you have a wedding? Of course. Tell me everything.

You're going way back in. Wait. This is fun, though, picturing. Oh, my God, you walked out. I was poor.

Oh, wait. Where was your wedding? Newport. Was it nice? Yeah.

How many people? It was small. Like 100. Are all those hundred people still your friends? Yes.

Okay, that says a lot about you. Yeah. How about the fact that I'm still, like, best friends with my ex wife? Yeah, that may say something. Okay, but don't keep looking at down.

But it actually may be like, hey, maybe he's a good dude. I think it's amazing. But I also like you. Ha. You didn't really say anything when I said, I think you use it a little bit to, like, keep women out of business.

No, no, no. I did. I actually said, well, we. I tried to get the divorce, and it got denied. And then it was verified that before.

You tried to get divorced. That is a cop out. You would be like, oh, I'm sorry. I can't take it any further because. No, I haven't even had.

I've had, like, one serious relationship. That's not true. What do you mean it's not true? Didn't you have soulcycle? That was not serious.

And that wasn't even. You were devastated that she. I liked her a lot. I was a young pup. Like, just out of marriage dumb.

Yes. And now you're an old pup. Yeah, now I'm an old. I have wedding merch for you. Oh, he's blushing again.

Should we give it to the crew? Okay. I think I'm kind of like. How do you feel? Do you have anything left to say?

I have nothing left to say. Are you okay? Yeah, I'm great. How do you think this one.

I don't know what your crowd will think, but your crowd loves me. Okay. They do. They do. Yeah, they do.

I think they like you. No. Love. Oh, they love. Why do you think they love you?

I'm not quite sure. Me neither. They've. Ever since I hijacked your stream. Oh, you got so off on that.

You were like, oh, my God, you fucking grew an inch. You were so fucking happy. That was fun. No, that was good time. Oh, your ego was out the wall.

And then I was on you when I did it after, and you saw the reaction I got at your show. They loved me. Oh, people fucking freaked out. I got some messages. I felt bad.

People were like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, they got Dave. I loved it. That's like the swifties when it's like those two songs she played. I meant, like, night one, motherfucker.

I was reading all the comments, like, right? Cause. Wait, you came to Philly? You were in Philly. Did you enjoy my live show?

Yes. It was different. Than what? I didn't know what to expect, but it was more like a Broadway show. Were you impressed?

Yeah, it was very well done. Thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that. Raunchy. Oh.

Like, I thought you kind of left the raunch when you left Barstool. I had to stay true to the beginning. And then we. We started in the raunch, and then I sat down and did an interview. Yeah.

And also, it's fun to be raunchy and have fun, you know? I do appreciate it. I've seen interviews for the most part, not as many. When people try to trash us to you, you've defended us for the most part. I always defend you.

Yeah. I always remember where I came from. Yeah. I'm never going to be like, fuck bar soul. Although I, like, have a couple, like, qualms still with, like, my data and, like, my bonuses.

But, like, other than that, do you still owe me money, you think? Fuck no. Why not? What were you doing before us? I was unemployed.

I was on unemployment checks. Blogging it up? Yep. Okay. Do you want your wedding merch?

Sure. Dave. Thanks for coming on, caller. Daddy, wait. Rate it one out of ten.

What am I going to do with this? I'll give it to your assistance. Am I just gonna hold this for two days straight at the track? Never mind, never mind. Don't give it to him.

Ungrateful. Okay, rate this interview. Were you impressed? Yeah. The lyrics thing.

You really fucking flop. I can't do lyrics. So that was an answer, clearly. Let's. No, but it was like a minus, b plus.

You have trauma. I'm gonna find it. Next interview. Next interview we're gonna do. Dave Porter, welcome to Colorado.

You don't have to invite me on. What? You have no one else here? I thought you can do a whole thing of interviews here. No, you're the only person I'm doing.

They told me. I think you'll do good numbers.

Thank you. All right. Bye bye.

Alex Cooper
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Dave Portnoy
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Alex Cooper
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The Roast of Dave Portnoy [VIDEO]

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction and Catch-up

2: Personal Anecdotes and Revelations

3: Discussing Fame and Public Perception

4: Reflections on Career and Legacy

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

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Transcript