My Husband's Insane Birthday Request [VIDEO]

Alex Cooper
Sunday morning fat this Carlin doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo every Sunday's f this day what the f? That was pretty good, right? Hello, daddy gang. Welcome back to another episode of call her daddy. It is your founding father.

Back at it again. I am a married woman. It sounds so crazy to say that I think most of you probably follow me on social media and saw this past week that I posted a lot of the photos from my wedding, and it feels so surreal. But it also feels really good to be back in front of a camera and a microphone and talking to you guys because I missed you. And I know technically you guys only missed me for, like, one week, but I had, like, pre recorded some of my interviews so that I could be, like, really present leading up to my wedding.

So I feel like I haven't gotten to be like, hello, hello, in the flash. I'm back. I'm present. This is, like, being recorded right before Sunday. And, yeah, let's do a little life update.

So I got married, like I said, and it's so crazy that to even be, like, I'm a wife. Like, I have a husband. He's not my boyfriend anymore. I feel like I skipped the fiance phase. I, like, hated using the word fiance.

I don't know why. It kind of, like, gave me the ick, but I have a husband. It was actually weird. I heard Matt say out of context, just like, oh, my wife, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, I think we were talking to someone at a hotel, and he was like, yeah, can my wife have?

And I was like, oh, my God. It's, like, weird to get used to it, but it feels great and nice, but also, it is a bit. It's a bit strange. Like, it's fun to get used to, and I love it, but I'm just like, oh, my God. I feel like being a wife and having a husband and being married, I feel like, oh, my God, I'm really adulting.

Like, oh, my God. Oh, wait. This is no joke. Like, we're actually fucking doing this, and I have never felt better and more ready for it, but it's just taking in a fun way, like, a bit to get used to. I have so many thoughts on my wedding, and I know that I had not really shared too much with you guys leading up to the wedding because there were just some details that I was honestly just trying to figure out myself, and I didn't really know if I was gonna come on here and say one thing one week, and then the next week, I literally changed my mind.

In the wedding planning. So of course we have incredible pieces online and things written up. But, like, there are so many things that happened at my wedding that I am giving the exclusive to the daddy gang here on call her daddy. And so I'm not gonna do that today because there's so fucking much that I need to literally, like, sit down and do a formal call her daddy main Wednesday episode where I collect my thoughts and my stories and video footage and pictures and all the things. So bear with me because today is not going to be, like a full, full wedding story update because I need to, like, actually get my life in order, which is weird to think about, like, oh, my God, one day.

Can you imagine, like, my fucking kids watch a caller daddy episode? Yeah, that's terrifying. Anyways, I feel like I'm on, like, cloud nine. I have never been happier in my life. And, oh, my God, I'm getting emotional, but, like, I feel like I've never been happier.

I'm just so elated. It was the most incredible experience. The wedding was amazing. I can't wait to share everything with you guys. But this is what I will say.

When I was sitting down to get ready to just give you a quick life update, I want to just talk to you guys for 2 seconds about, yes, I am so happy. But I also don't want to ignore the fact that you may not be at that point in your life. Like, there's been so many times when I've done call her daddy. And I have been in really, the trenches and at the worst, lowest places of my life I've literally gone through while I was on the show. And maybe I wasn't fully speaking in those moments, or maybe I was speaking about it, but then I would have people writing in, like, from the daddy gang being like, oh, my God, I'm getting married.

Can you give me advice on XYZ? And like, I was like, bitch, I'm so fucking depressed. I don't want to tell you how to have fun at your wedding. Fuck you. Or I don't want to tell you, like, there were moments where I knew, oh, I know I'm really low right now, but there are other people in the daddy gang that are high and feeling good.

And so let me give them advice to people that are in a really good place in their life. And so I just want to acknowledge, like, I know right now someone could be literally listening to this being, like, so happy for you, Alex, that you're happy, but, like, I just got broken up with or I am struggling at my job or I think someone's cheating on me or I feel lost. Like, whatever it is, I just want to acknowledge that as happy as I am, I don't want you guys to think it's like I have forgotten that we're all going through different experiences. The show is about you guys, and I talk every single week to make you guys feel heard and also to connect with you guys. And so, yeah, my life is so fucking happy right now.

But tomorrow it could all go to fucking shit. Knock on wood. Literally, we all are going through different shit. And so if you're fucking going through it right now, just because I got married and I'm really happy. Like, I see you and I love you and you're gonna get fucking through it.

Because what I can say is part of me is so happy because I know how much I've gone through in previous relationships to get to this point with Matt. And there's this, like, elated, happy, life free feeling. Like, I feel so free and happy and just, I feel like I'm in just, like, a state of bliss because of my past and because of what I went through and because I was literally convinced that I wouldn't find a Matt Kaplan one day. And so let this be your sign, daddy gang. Like, I've literally been in the trenches.

I literally at one point thought, like, I will never fucking get married. Let me just freeze my fucking eggs and I'll have a baby on my own. Like, fuck these men. So if you are out there feeling low, trust me, I've been there. And I.

I do truly believe it always gets better. And it didn't even need to be that I got married. Like, I was happy before this and, like, I found happiness first independent of Matt. And then now I'm so much happier in this partnership, obviously, that we've built together in this life, but it gets fucking better. So I love you all.

And let's get into this week's episode.

You guys, quick side note. I just needed to get Bruce. So Bruce is completely codependent with Henry. And Henry is not codependent with Bruce. Henry is like, loves Bruce now, thank fucking God.

But Henry was an only child for so long. So Henry's like, love you, brother. But also, like, I need some alone time. Bruce is like, I don't know how to walk unless I'm literally directly attached to Henry's asshole. And so Matt and I decided that Matt was going to take Henry to the office today and Bruce was going to stay home with me.

And Bruce has been being the biggest fucking baby. He's being so dramatic. He keeps crying and whining, and he's acting like we literally just, like, took away his breath and his air and his oxygen. And that would be Henry. So we're going to make him try to feel, like, a little cozy, and we're going to invite him into this episode.

So everyone say hi to Bruce. Hi, Bruce. I've literally become that dog. Mom, just shut the fuck up, okay. I'm happy.

Okay, I need to tell you guys about Matt's birthday. So I feel like I've lived so many lives and I haven't gotten to talk to you guys, okay. So I went on my honeymoon, and I'm gonna give an entire other episode on that. But during the honeymoon was Matt's birthday. Okay.

And for Matt's birthday, obviously, it was like, kind of right after the wedding. And I was like, oh, my God, what am I gonna do for his birthday? What am I gonna do for his birthday? And then, you know, I feel like when women think about men and getting them gifts, we probably immediately our brains go to a watch. You know?

Like, Matt doesn't have a Rolex. Matt's never wanted a Rolex. But I'm like, if I'm gonna get you a watch, I should get you a Rolex. Like, let's go fucking big. So you think maybe a watch, maybe something with golf, you know, maybe like a new golf set?

Like a golf. Is it a golf club? A golf club set? A golf. Something about golf.

You know, I never. I don't know what he does for 8 hours, but he's out there. He's doing his thing. I kind of want to take up golf. I'm gonna be honest.

But, like, that's for other time. So you would think golf or, like, a nice new sweater or, like, some new flip flops. Oh, my God. Don't wear flip flops. Absolutely.

Don't know where. But you know what I mean? But Matt is a little interesting fellow, okay? Because this year he had a very, very, very special request for his birthday that really threw me for a fucking loop. Matt, for his birthday, wanted me to bring him on the Orient express.

I'm like, the Polar express? He's like, nope, the Orient express. I'm like, what the fuck is the Orient express? Now, from something I've seen recently, I think there's, like, a new movie called out, like, on, like, murder on the Orient Express. Like, that's the most recent thing I have.

Any correlation or thought towards. What is the fucking Orient Express? And so Matt told me, oh, my God, I want to go on the Orient Express. For my birthday, we were going to be leaving this one location, Europe, and then we were going to Paris to finish out our honeymoon, but also because it was honeymoon transitioning into work mode because I had to be there for Olympic prep because I don't know if I told you guys, but I'm gonna be going to the Olympics this summer, which is so exciting in Paris. It's gonna be so fun.

Honestly, I feel like my entire life, I grew up, and sports was my identity. I didn't really have another identity. It was just a soccer ball and sports, and my dad worked in sports with the NHL. I feel like as I've gotten older and I've talked to certain athletes about this in the past, like, it's a really weird identity crisis that you go through when you finish playing sports because it was such a major part of who you are and your day to day. Like, I I remember when I stopped playing soccer, I was like, so I don't have to go to practice.

Like, there's this, like, twitch in you that you're like, oh, my God, it's 04:00. I got to go to practice. Like, oh, my God. Like, what are we doing on Saturday? Obviously, we have a soccer game.

Like, and then all of a sudden, you don't. And you don't have anyone screaming at you, telling you you have to work out. So, like, sports have been a huge part of my life, and I remember growing up and watching the Olympics with my family, and it was such a big deal. I even remember one year my dad was producing the track and field Olympics in Europe when I was super, super young. Oh, my God.

I have pictures. It's fucking crazy. But, like, sports have been in my life, right? And so I am so excited to go to the Olympics. So Matt and I had to go for.

It was 100 days out for the Paris Olympics, and it was so cool to see what they're building, and it's. It's gonna be incredible. Like, I don't even know how to mentally wrap my head around the fact that I'm gonna be able to go and bring my team and be with Matt, and it's just gonna be fucking amazing. So Matt figured since we have to go to Paris, pari ciao. That's fucking Italian.

Oh, what is. How do you say hi in French? Merci. Is. Thank you.

Whatever. Hello. We're going to Paris. So Matt wanted to go on the Orient Express. Okay.

And I'm just like, you know, I feel like. I feel like I should just get you a watch. Here's the thing. I am down. Always am down.

I want to make Matt happy, but I just was like, is that really what you want for your birthday? And he said yes. So, first of all, this fucking train is the most expensive motherfucking train I've ever seen in my goddamn life, okay? Booking these tickets, I was like, you sure you don't want to Rolex? Like, are you fucking sure you don't want to Rolex?

But honestly, you know, as long as he's happy, I'm happy. So let me give you guys a little backstory on Matt and trains. I have grown up on the east coast. Coast, and I don't know if this is. If people that don't live in the United States, if you guys, like, live near trains where you live.

That sounds so fucking stupid. What I mean is, like, I know that on the west coast versus east coast east coast, we have so many more trains. This is. I just need to stop. Okay?

Growing up on the east coast, I was constantly getting on trains to go into New York City, to go to Boston, there's Amtrak, there's New Jersey transit. Like, I was constantly on trains. Every time I wanted to go into New York City from Pennsylvania with my family, we would get on the train. Every time I wanted to go back to Boston, I could get on the train. And so I was used to trains, and Matt was like, I have never been on a train in my life until when we went on the unwell tour.

When I was on tour, I remember we were going from New York City to Boston, and we could either drive, fly, or take a train. And Matt was giddy, you guys. Matt was like, I want to go on the motherfucking train. And all of us were like, why, Matt? Like, why?

And he's like, because it will be so fun. It will be an experience. And I was, like, literally flying because we were, like, taking our whole team. I was like, I'm pretty sure this actually randomly flying was cheaper that time. And he's like, we're going on the train.

So we get on this train, and I will never forget. I'm sitting next to Lauren, and we're watching Matt across from us, and I have never seen this man happier. Matt is elated. He is thriving. He's in his.

He's in his prime, okay? This man starts ordering. He's like, oh, my God. They have drinks on the train. He starts ordering bloody marys for everyone.

It's like, 08:00 a.m. We're on the train. Everyone's like, shut the fuck up. Also, east coasters, like, people from New York are like, bro, shut the fuck up. You're acting like you've never been train before.

And Matt's like, I have never been on a motherfucking train before. So Matt's thriving, and I'm like, I'm so happy for you, honestly. But, like, literally, shut the fuck up. And so he was beaming. Like, I think I have a picture of him.

And he just looks so happy, and he's having the most fun. And when we got to Boston, I remember Matt was like, babe, like, I love the train. Like, it's so fun. Like, and it's relaxing, and it's. You can move around, and it's great.

So Matt fell in love with trains when we went on tour, and so for his fucking birthday, he wanted to go on another train. Obviously, this train was quite more expensive. Let me take you guys through this fucking train experience. Because it was the bane of my existence. Literally wanted to die.

I was like, why am I here? Okay, so we get to the train, and you were. We were gonna be on this train for 18 hours already. Like, I don't want to be anywhere for 18 hours other than my bed or my house. I don't like to be confined anywhere.

I don't want to be. I don't want to have to be anywhere that I can't immediately just, like, constantly be alone, lay dow, get horizontal. And I just didn't want to be on something that was moving with other people on a fucking train. It literally said. It literally sounds like my nightmare, but again, for my love, anything.

So we get on this train, and I'm not kidding you, it reminds me of Harry Potter. Like, it. That was the one thing that I was like, okay, I could get down with this. I'm a huge fucking Harry Potter fan. Okay, and platform.

What is it again? Fuck. I love how I say I'm a huge Harry Potter fan. Platform six, six, four and a half. Seven and a half.

Four and a half. I'm not even gonna be able to continue this episode if I don't fucking look this up because it's gonna bother the fucking shit out of me. Platform nine and three quarters. Yes, motherfuckers. Platform nine and three quarters.

Okay. It literally reminded me of Harry Potter because you see all these normal ass trains. Get to the train station. Okay? We get to the train station.

Matt's thriving. I'm already like, I literally want to jump out of the window, like, get me out of here. We get to the platform, and every other train is, like. Just looks like a normal train. You know, it's just like this, like, silver or brown looking thing.

And our train is this, like, dark blue, gorgeous train with, like, gold encrusted rims and, like, numbers on it. And there are these, like, bellman, essentially, these, like, train bellmen that are standing outside of each cabin of the train, each car cabin. I don't. Honestly don't even fucking come for me. I don't care.

Okay, daddy gang, these men are wearing these, like, gorgeous. Someone say gorgeous? I would say maybe a little corny, but it was fun. It was, like, fun. It was for the effect.

They're wearing these, like, navy blue, kind of like cobalt actually blue suits, and they have, like, gold encrusted little buttons. And then they have these, like, hats happening, almost like top hats, but not really. I felt like I was, like, literally in a different fucking era. Okay? And so we all aboard the train.

We get on this train, and we are brought to our cubby, or what someone would refer to as their room. Let me be really honest with you, daddy gang, okay? I first booked us this room, okay? And I didn't. I'll be honest, I didn't really look much into it.

And so I booked us a room. And then I shortly, soon after, realized as I got my confirmation that I booked us a bunk bed. I, on my honeymoon. It wasn't on my bingo card for Matt and I on our honeymoon to be bunked up, literally, in a bunk bed. And when I tell you it's a bunk bed, like, you open the door to these rooms and it's a closet.

It's an actual closet. It is the closet. It's almost the size of the closet that I lived in in New York, but smaller. Okay? And then you just have these bunk beds.

And at first, they don't appear as bunk beds. It appears as one little thing that also acts as where you just sit. You walk into this tiny room. There's nowhere to go. And you just sit on this little bunk, and then you just, like, touch the other side of the wall.

There's no bathroom. There's no windows. There's nothing. Okay? Once it's time to go to bed, they will pull down the top bunk that comes from the ceiling, and then someone's got to climb up there.

I said to Matt, babe, you're gonna be up on that top bunk. I'm gonna be down underground, okay? You fucking go up there and I don't think there's even a ladder. So I'm not actually sure how people get up there. New York City, when you are fucking looking online for an apartment in New York City, you are like, oh, my God, bang for.

Actually, no one ever said bang for my buck in New York City. But you're like, oh, my God, this kitchen looks so gorgeous. Little did you know, they took it not only on wide, on the iPhone camera or on a, like a professional camera. They took it on triple, triple X wide. And I don't know how they get that setting, but they make that shit look so fucking large.

And then when you walk in there, you're in a shoebox and you're like, where the what? Where am I? This doesn't look anything like the fucking pictures. Yeah, it's an optical illusion, okay? That's also what this train was.

I see that I'm gonna do bunk beds and I'm like, okay, I'm not gonna be a cheap ass on my honeymoon slash on my husband's fucking birthday. I'm gonna get the next upgrade. And so the next upgrade to the room is you get two little twin beds in your room and then you can fold up the beds, and then there's, like, a little, like, seating area. Like, and then you have a little seat and you do have your own bathroom and there's, like, a shower in there. But again, like, I know it sounds luxe, but let me be very clear.

Like, a little claustrophobic, okay? And then the best tier that we could get was, I think it's a fuller queen bed in, like, a suite room. And listen, like, I'm down to be cash money daddy. But, like, the amount of money that I would have to spend to get us a little larger bunk, I would rather buy myself some nice fucking earrings or Matt a fucking watch. Like I said at the beginning of this episode, okay, so I decided not to go for the deluxe.

Deluxe. And I went in the in between. That was still so fucking expensive. And so we get onto this fucking train, you guys, and I'm shitting on it. But, like, I will talk about the fun parts, okay?

But it's just so funny to shit on it because how happy Matt was. And I was like, who did I fucking marry? Like, I thought Matt Kaplan was like, la boy that liked the finer things in life. Baby wants a train ride for his birthday. All aboard the train.

I'm like, there's no way we're having sex on this fucking train. But we'll try. I like brought my little white lingerie. Just wondering if we'd get jiggy with it on the. Oh, my God.

Jiggy with it. I'm literally an old woman at this point. Okay, we enter the train and we go into our room and our bellman brings us in and he's like, welcome, mister Cooper Kaplan lady, ma'am, whatever the fuck. We're so excited to have you here. Here's your room.

And it looked really cute at first because like the door was open, they had a set up with like champagne glasses. There was like some cheeses, there was caviar. Like, it was looking super cute. And he was like, all aboard. Thank you so much for coming.

We are going to schedule you for your lunch. Would you want to do the noon lunch or would you want to do the 03:00 lunch? And at this point it's like 09:00 in the morning. And I'm like, oh, I want the noon lunch. Like, I'm fucking starving.

And so we book ourselves for the noon lunch and the man closes the door. And then Matt and I are just sitting in our cabin for the next 4 hours. Now I love Matt, so I could be in a fucking cubby with him and we will have a good time, but I would just cracking up that like, this is how we're spending your birthday, baby. Matt starts reading. He had like a script to read for a movie.

And I start like doing a little bit of work on my iPad. And we're both just sitting there. And Matt is going to town on the caviar. He's drinking the champagne, and he's having a great time. And then I fall asleep.

I get awoken. It's time for lunch. Now listen to me. We are in cars, you guys, okay? So you have to go from car to car to car.

And there's different cars. And each car has like a different situation in it, okay? So some of its bunks. There are bunk bed cars. There are twin bed cars.

There are en suite cars. And then there's the dining room, which is the green room. They have another dining room, which is the yellow room. And then they have a bar, which is like a really pretty gorgeous car bar room where there's like a fucking piano. Okay, how did they get the piano in the train?

Make it make sense. Okay, so we go to lunch, and this is where I was fucking cackling my little fucking titties off. We sit down and they present us the menu on this train. I will eat something if it is literally dropped onto the ground in the mall. And my, like, burger fell on the ground.

I'd pick it up, and I'd still eat it. Some may be so disgusting by that. You may be like, you're disgusting. I don't give a fuck, okay? My mother raised me where, like, she'd be like, rub some fucking dirt in it.

That's why you don't get sick that much, because you ate a lot of germs and a lot of dessert. Okay? Matt, however, he verges more on the OCD side, okay? Every single time that I am on a plane ride with Matt, it enrages me, because there's something about getting on a plane where you're, I don't know, you get, like, excited for the meals, okay? If I'm gonna buy myself a first class ticket, I want to really indulge.

I want to get the full experience. I want to get fucked up. I want to have four glasses of wine. I want to see what's on the menu. I want a little schmooze a little bit with the.

With the schmooze, a little bit with the flight attendant. You know? I want to, like, really set the scene. I want to feel out, probably actually not schmooze, because I hate fucking talking when I'm on a plane, but, like, I want to indulge, you know? So I want to indulge on all the finer things.

And every time we get there, Matt's like, I wouldn't eat that shit if my life depended on it. To match credit, what I will say is, anyone, anyone that eats fish on a plane, you deserve jail. When they're like, oh, would you like the tilapia for dinner? I'm like, no, I'm good. Especially when I'm, like, coming from, like, kentucky to, like, Arizona.

I'm like, where'd you get the tilapia? You know what I mean? Like, make it make sense. And so when am I ever going from Kentucky to Arizona? Exactly.

You know? But it doesn't matter. The point is, I will never fucking eat certain things on a plane. That's fair. I agree with Matt.

But when they're serving me meatballs, baby, I love stouffers, okay? I am a microwavable stouffer's bitch until the day I die. And Matt looks at that shit, and he's like, that is literally not food. Like, that is fake food. And I'm like, it is good.

I don't care if it's fucking play doh. I'm eating it. Matt, since the day I met him, would always joke, like, oh, you gonna get the salmon on the flight? Or like, oh, you gonna get the. You gonna get the curry?

And so we get on this train ride, and I am in my brain thinking, Matt Kaplan will not touch this food. He'll maybe have a little bread with butter. And unless it's like, maybe. Maybe a pasta, which Matt, like, never eats carbs or pasta. But if that was probably the only thing he would eat on these type of situations.

And we get handed the menu, we open it up, and I start cracking up, because the first thing on the menu is these scallops, okay? They are just raw fucking scallops on a plate with a little sauce drizzled over them. And in my mind, I'm like, there is no way Matt is going to order these. And then the next entree that you get. So that's the appetizer.

And then the entree that you get is either chicken or a fish. I think the fish was like a fucking sea bass. And I just sit, you guys, I sit back, I take a sip of my martini. Yes. It's like noon at that point.

Whatever. I was on my honeymoon. Fuck off. And I look at him, and I go, what are you gonna do? And he looks at me back in the eyes, and he goes, what do you mean?

Oh, my God. We're gonna get the scallops. We're gonna get the chicken. And I'm like, who the fuck have you become? I look at him, I say, sorry, what?

He goes, oh, yeah, we're getting it all. We're gonna get. You want to get the sea bass and I'll get the chicken? Or what do I do? I said, matt, what am I in?

Literally a fucking simulation. What is going on? And so the man comes up, and Matt's like, I'll take the scallops in the chicken. And I'm like, I'll take the scallops and the chicken, question mark. And I start cackling.

Who is this man? Who all of a sudden, what? This man gets married, and he's obviously like, has my fucking palate. I'm like, you're about to eat scallops on a train, motherfucker. Who paid you?

Who paid you the scallops? Come. You guys, you know how scallops usually come in, like, these little round, like, the little round things that you, like, cut into? These were not even those type of scallops. This was just slimy.

It almost looked like sashimi. Like, if you guys know what sashimi. It's just raw fish in, like, a, like, just like a slippy form. And it's, like, flat, and it's a little puffy. And Matt starts going to town.

Starts going to town. I take a bite of the scallop, even though I'm almost about to vomit, because I'm like, something about the train. Scallops. It's just giving. It's giving.

It's giving mildew. Like, it's giving, like, it's giving. Like, this didn't come from the sea, you know, this came from a can, and it was manufactured next to the fucking people that manufacture my mother fucking Cheetos, okay? And so he starts eating this up, and he's eating his plate, and I'm like, I take one little bite of my scallop, and I'm like, oh, I'm out. I'm out.

And I love fish, don't get me wrong. But, like, this wasn't it, okay? And again, I don't want to, like, shit on the Orient Express because it was so beautiful. But, like, you have to understand the juxtaposition of my entire fucking life. Watching Matt Kaplan shit on me for eating anything on a plane.

And we got on a train, and for some reason, this man's brain, because we're on a train that he's excited about, thinks this food is gonna be any fucking different than how it was prepared on a fucking plane. Like, you gotta be fucking kidding me, Matthew. So he downs it. Then the chicken comes, and, you know, you would think a chicken is gonna be like a chicken breast or whatever. This chicken comes, and you know how, like, a corn dog looks like that?

Like, it's a hot dog. Vert like that type of shape. This comes, this. This chicken, and I say chicken lightly. I don't.

I don't really know if it was chicken. You know, we get this piece of chicken, and it is in the shape of a hot dog, and then there's drizzled sauce on top of it. And it arrives, and I look at it, and I'm like, there's no way this motherfucker's gonna eat that. Like, what? He starts diving in, finishes the whole thing before I can even take a fucking bite.

And he's, like, smiling while he's eating. He's down. He literally is downing the entire bottle of champagne they gave us. He's like, oh, he's smiling. I need to post pictures, you guys.

This man looks like. And also, Matt was making the place look like we were literally in one of, like, the bougiest places in the world. He's got his sunglasses on. It's sunny out. He's chilling.

He's happy. He's eating his fucking scallops and his chicken. He's like, what's fur? Dessert? To be fair, the chicken actually tasted quite good, but it did have a little bit of that, like, rubber element that I was like, hmm.

Like, where, you know, like, what is this really a chicken? Like, what are we. What are we really working with? And I ate it because, you know what? I'm gonna be a good fucking soldier, and I'm gonna show this man I am your wife.

I will go down with you. And if we're gonna fucking blow out that bathroom, we'll blow it up together tonight. So romantic. Happy honeymoon, you know? So we finish our food, and I let him just kind of, like, go.

I didn't say anything. I was being pretty quiet. I was just observing, like, huh? You really switched up on the train, but not for the planes. Finally, after we finish our lunch, we go back to our room.

I don't even remember what we fucking did. We played, like, cards. We. It was fun, though. This part was fun, where we were, like, having a good time, but this is where it actually went fucking haywire.

Once we were done our meal, I really started to feel like, huh? I kind of forgot. I kind of get really bad motion sickness. I get it from my mother. I'm not great with boats unless we're, like, speed boating.

Like, anything with, like, when a boat is sitting and we're, like, on a lake, if it's like, do you guys want to know what I mean? If it's, like, rocking. Like, if we're not going so fucking fast, I am going to get so seasick. I'm gonna get motion sickness, and I'm gonna, like, want to actually fucking end it all. Like, dig my grave and put me in.

I don't want to be here anymore. And so I'm starting to feel just, like, a little. Just a little odd. When you're walking on this train, it is not going 80 miles an hour consistently. We are stopping.

We are slowing down. We are, like, sometimes jolting stopping. Like, I really. When I envisioned this train and also the price of the train, you know, I thought we were getting more, like, rocket jet vibes. Like, boom.

Like, we're on the Excela route. Like, we're just going until we get there. This was more of, like, we took the scenic route, and every other minute, this train was really. And we would be walking down the hallway, and all of a sudden, there would be a little motion to boot. And I would be like, oh.

And I'd fall back, and I'd hit Matt. And then we start getting ready for dinner. This is where it really hit me. I decide I would like to put on a little makeup. Here's the thing.

What would. What would I say the demographic, the age demographic was on this train? Let's just say Matt and I were about three. Three to. Well, I would actually say we were about four decades younger than everyone that was cruising on this train.

Okay? Every single person was about 70 years old or pushing 80. And we were the youngest by far on this train. So we were really. We were bringing that youth, and I was like, you know what?

I still want to look cute, even though I don't know if I need to impress the grannies. I want to be one with the people, and I want to look cute for dinner. Because what I have been told you guys is on this train. It is elaborate, it is lavish, it is beautiful. It is an experience.

And some people, again, you could get on a train. Just to give you guys context, we could have gotten to Paris in an hour on a. On a plane, but decided to take the 18 hours route to Paris on the train. So it's an experience. You know, it's not the fastest route.

It's clearly not the easiest, but it's the most beautiful. They say. They say, who is they, Matt? I start getting ready, and I go into the bathroom. Our bathroom was similar to that of a bathroom on an airplane.

So you are tight quarters. You know, shoulders are cozying up to the door, and you don't have much room to move. When I get in there, there's no windows. And I had built. I had truly been building on my motion sickness for quite some time.

And the minute I got in there and started to try to fucking fix my eyebrows, the train starts jolting. We're jolting. We are.

I am smashing the door. My eyebrow is now at my fucking hairline at the top of my head. I've drawn an entire line. I'm like, what the fuck is going on? And in that moment, the jolting and me not being able to see outside, not having a mirror and me focusing so hard on my face.

I'm moving. I'm moving. Everything starts to spin. And I immediately know, oh, my God, I have hit the threshold where, like, I am so fucking motion sick right now. I could cry.

Like, get me off this fucking train. I immediately tell Matt, put down the window. Put down the window. I go back into our cubby where there is a window. He puts it down.

I shove my head out the train. I'm like, fucking Matt. What the fuck? He's like, oh, I forgot. You get motion sick.

I'm like, oh, fucking did you? I am, like, on the verge of tears, but I'm like, it is Matt's birthday dinner. Like, I gotta get it together. I gotta get it together. And I say, give me a nip.

He hands me a vodka nip. I fucking chug this vodka nip because I'm thinking, like, maybe alcohol. I don't know. Really? You know, I don't know what I was thinking.

I thought maybe alcohol could bring me to the light in, like, a different direction. Like, make me woozy, but in a different light. Like, ooh, vodka hitting. You know what I mean? Like, you know how people tell you, like, carbonation when you're feeling nauseous can, like, really hit you, like, ginger ale or, like, have a Coke, maybe that's.

That's what I probably should have done, but I went for the vodka. Okay? But then we go to dinner, and we are walking down the corridors of these cars, and it is swaying. It's swaying. Everything is moving.

And we are moving, and it's swaying and swaying. And I am like, I am on the verge of a mental breakdown because I'm starting to get claustrophobic, you know? I'm starting to feel like I don't like this game. I don't like this game at all. And I don't really want to be here anymore.

We get to dinner, and every single fucking 80 year old man is in a mother fucking black tie suit. There is a man in a three piece suit. There is a man in a general's outfit. And he has completely been retired, he said, for 30 years. But he wanted to pull it out of the closet to really show his wife.

It was actually really cute. And Matt is in just, like, a button down, and he's like, fuck. I guess I thought I was too dressed for trained. We didn't dress up enough. You're literally supposed to wear a fucking entire three piece suit to this motherfucking thing.

Okay? And so we sit down and I'm like, matt, I can't. But it was a beef Wellington.

There was an option. What is beef Wellington? There was an option of beef Wellington. And then there was the option. It was a, um.

It was a. No, it was something white fish. It was. It wasn't a sea bass. It was something.

It was something that I didn't want to fucking put my mouth on. So I looked at Matt with heavy, heavy eyes and a heavy heart. And I said, you going for the beef Wellington? And he goes, no, baby. Okay, listen, I know you're really struggling.

Let's get you a martini, and let's just get some caviar. And I said, thank you. Let's get some caviar. Bread, butter, and maybe we split. We asked them, like, do you have a steak?

Like, do you have anything? They're like, yeah, yeah, we have a steak. We have a steak from lunch that we didn't end up getting. Great. Okay.

Okay, good. So we end up ordering, and I am downing my vodka because what ends up coming to my mind is like, I'm so fucked. I cannot get off this train. I cannot fucking fix this. It's too late to take a drama.

Mean, I'm an idiot that I didn't take a dramamine earlier. So all I can do now is try to subsidize. Like, how can I make something stronger than my motion sickness get so fucking belligerent and blackout to the point where I'm like, I'm a little woozy, dizzy from the booze, you know? And so one martini after another. One martini after another.

I'm fucking lit, you guys. And honestly, like, I felt great all of a sudden. I didn't feel motion sickness anymore. I was kind of thriving. I was feeling good.

And I have a little video playing. This is how, you know, I was so blackout. I never want to. Like, if I'm in public, I'm, like, in those situations, unless it's, like, an event with the daddy gang. Like, I'm not gonna, like, naturally try to, like, just draw attention to myself in a public setting.

Unless I'm, like, meeting you guys, and we're like, oh, let's rage together. When I was with the seven year old, I was like, you know, I. I'm just gonna let them have their fun. Like, we're. I'm already so fucking lit.

But then a mariachi band came in. I don't think it was a mariachi band, actually, but it was a man with a guitar and another man with, like, a saxophone, I think it was. And they come in, and I'm. Again, like, I'm not feeling my best. I'm on a little bit of emerge of.

I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown. So I'm just, like, leaning into everything. Do you know what I mean? When things just get so funny and you're like, I am about to cry, laugh. So I have to just, like, lean into everything, like, over drink overindulging, like, smiling at the couple next to me.

They literally probably thought I was a fucking psychopath. And then the man comes with the guitar and it's game over. You know? It's game fucking over. Do you guys remember when I told you I have a thing for stages?

Like, remember when I said at the unwell events, oh, my God, if I have a little liquid courage, put me on stage. Something about music when I'm drunk. If it's live music, like, I'm getting in there. Thank God I did not take any instrument out of any man's hand. But they start singing and I start clapping and I'm starting clapping and I think Matt only got the beginning of it, but I start to really get into it and all the old people are staring at me.

I think they may have been entertained. Honestly, people were, I think, liking that I was participating. But what I say that I also want to be really, like, self aware that, like, I don't know if they were liking that I was, like, clapping and singing and vibing, but I think I brought the vibes up. I honestly, I really do. I think the people were like, oh, this girl is making it so fun.

And then I blacked out and I don't really remember what. What ended up happening for the rest of the dinner. But then Matt and I went to the bar and I kind of went from brown out to coming back in. And then I was also like, I don't know if I'm browned out from the alcohol or if I'm literally browning out from the fact that, like. Like, I'm gonna pass out.

I'm so fucking dizzy. Finally Matt and I get back to our room after we go to the bar for another drink and I'm feeling sauced up. I'm feeling good. And Matt and I are fucking hammered. I'm dying laughing.

Like all these old people keep coming by our door being like, good night. Good night, kids. Now they're calling us kids. I'm like, oh, my fucking God. Get me the fuck out of here.

I kind of felt like I was on the Titanic, I'm not gonna lie. Like, I kind of felt like we were. What were their names? Not Kate and Leo, but what were their names in the thing? Jack and Rose.

I felt like those young, loving kids were just thriving. We're playing and then we wake up and we get to Paris and we are. We wake up, it's like 730 in the morning and everyone. And the guy comes over and he's like, hi, mister. Misses Cooper Kaplan.

Like, you guys can stay on board if you want to have breakfast here. And we're in Paris, though, so you can get off. We're leaving at 830, so you have an hour to hang out on the train. I. Look, Matt.

I said, fire drill, motherfucker. Get up. Let's go. I was. You guys, I got off the train, and I stepped foot onto the platform, and I smelled fresh air.

And everything was moving. Every single thing was moving. I wanted to cry. I literally looked at Matt. I said, did you have a good birthday?

He said, that was one of the most fun experiences. You were being so funny last night. Like, I was cracking up at you. And I was like, good, because I literally am about to fucking vomit. I sprint for a trash can.

I'm losing my mind. It looked like a lunatic. I'm running away from the train, and everyone else is staying on the train for the hour. Like, everyone's waking up. They're really getting the train experience.

They're having a little bit of tea. They're having a little bit of coffee. I'm out. The Orient Express. This is what I will say.

I think aside from my motion sickness, had I not got motion sickness, it really was fun. I know. I'm joking. I think I'm more just joking because it's so fucking funny to see Matt in these moments because he's. He doesn't really usually like to do stuff like that.

We'll never do it again, but I would. I would actually recommend it. Unless you get motion sickness, then absolutely do not do it. But it was fun, and it was memorable. And it's one of those things that now we look back on from the pictures and everything, it was one of those things that I'll never forget and for multiple reasons, because I've never felt that sick.

And also because it really was fun. And so that was Matt's birthday. And you know what? It was. It was a success.

Okay, enough about me. Well, not even me kind of Matt. This whole episode is about Matt. I am about to switch some gears over here. Okay.

And we are gonna do some questions of the week. Okay? Because I was just in France, and it does not feel appropriate.

When we go to France, we cannot be friends. Because I am in a different place. I feel like a new woman. I let my worries get away, and I feel so gay. I'm jolly.

I'm in France. Bonjour. Oui, oui, monsieur beaucoup. The fuck? We're going to France.

I hope that really just fucking grinded your gears. You little shit. Okay, we are going to France. I'm going to answer some of your questions because it is time to reconnect. It's time to get the daddy gang back on track.

Okay. A daddy gang member wrote in and said, I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year, and I truly feel like we are really, really best friends and perfect for each other. The only issue is when he gets drunk, he screams at me. At first I thought it was just a one time thing, but now I'm realizing it's every single time he drinks. I'm so paranoid of being around him and alcohol that I purposely try and avoid any situations where he could drink, which means not going out to dinner or happy hours with our friends.

It's also really starting to affect my mental health. I've been having panic attacks and crying myself to sleep. Oh, my God. When he's sober, he is the best, but when he's drunk, he's honestly a monster. Is this a deal breaker?

What should I do? Okay, first of all, I'm so sorry because I feel really bad, because there's nothing worse than having that pit in your stomach and feeling like, oh, my God, no. People just don't get it. Like, the best parts of him I love so much that. That sometimes you try to say, like, that has to outweigh the bad.

And it seems right now, like, the outweigh is completely outweighing the good. Like, the fact that you avoid going to dinner with your boyfriend. The fact that you can't have a nice, like, date night without freaking out and getting anxious and thinking he's going to scream at you and, like, basically be verbally abusive. I think this is the thing that makes me sad, but I really feel like when you have a problem with your partner in. In reality, you try to make it work.

Because I feel like we. We already put so much work in. Especially, like, it's almost like how people look at businesses. It's the same thing. It's like, literally, like, how much sweat equity have you put into something?

And it seems like you have this, like, wonderful life through the hours of, like, nine to five, and then at 05:00 your boyfriend potentially can turn into a fucking monster. If I'm being, like, just really direct, I think the short answer is, you need to leave this person. I know that's not as simple as it sounds, and I can sit here on my couch and tell you that, but I don't think that's just the reality. You can't be like, okay, thanks, Alex. I'm leaving him.

Obviously, you're writing in, you know, like, you're, like, I'm having panic attacks. I'm crying, I'm sad. Like, you know what you have to do. I think it's not even the question, is this a deal breaker? I think it's more for you what you're asking.

Like, how do you move on from someone that, like, you're so in love with a part of them, but the holistic view, if you really, like, zoom out, that's not the type of partner that you want to spend the rest of your life with. You shouldn't be hiding in your room, like, praying to God he's not opening a bottle of wine that night because, you know, in turn, it's going to basically mean you are going to be in hell for the next few hours. I think that we sometimes have to look at things from, like, a third pov. Like, if this was your friend, what would you tell her to do? And I know that when we're in it, we have the good parts that we can romanticize and cling to, but, like, this isn't going to get better.

And, like, unless he literally goes to rehab, which I'm not, like, over exaggerating, that literally would be the only, I think, conversation that is to be had is, like, he has a drinking problem. From what you're writing, this is a drinking problem. This is someone that, like, completely turns into a different person the minute that they have alcohol. It's, like, similar to people that are addicted to drugs. Like, they can't control themselves on these substances.

And I think, unfortunately, this person probably needs to go to rehab or you need to find a better partner for you. And I'm not saying this person's a bad person. Like, addiction is. I mean, that is a whole nother fucking topic, and that could be a whole nother episode. But, like, addiction is something that is.

It's everywhere. And so I understand not wanting to, like, just pick up and leave. Like, people can get healthy. People can change, but I think that the first step is acknowledging that change needs to be made. Like, I don't know if you've had any conversations with your boyfriend.

I don't know if you have let him know it upsets you. Like, does he know you're avoiding going to these dinners and have you ever shared with him? You turn into a complete different person when you drink, and I don't like to be around you when you're drinking. I think there can be a really honest conversation that sometimes, like, I've learned in relationships. When I look back at past relationships, sometimes you actually can approach a conversation even in your head, if you know this relationship may not work out.

Like, maybe this person, like, really needs you and it's not your job to make this person not ill anymore. But, like, even if you do leave, there is something you could at least just, like, articulate your feelings. Like, maybe you've never said this to him and maybe again, sit him down when it's. It's daytime, maybe you're at brunch. Like, you're in a private setting in your home.

You guys are having breakfast together. And maybe you can say all of this to him. And it may mean, like, you're closing a chapter and that's the end of the relationship. But I feel like it will give you closure of, like, you do love a part of this person and there's an awful side to this person, but you love this person and they clearly have an addiction. And so that's not on you to fix.

But I do think you could come forward because it will probably, like, lift a weight off of you to be like, this is what the reality is, and this is what I've been struggling with. And I haven't been able to say it to you because, quite frankly, when you wake up, you don't even remember you did it. And that is what is, like, the hardest part of dealing with people with addiction is, like, they wake up in the morning and they're, like, acting normal. And you're like, you literally don't remember what you did to me last night. I can't.

And then you just bury it down inside. And then you start to want to fucking scream at this person. But then all of a sudden, they're, like, making you eggs in the morning and they're a complete different person. It's a mind fuck. And you don't deserve to live in this hell.

So I would say, short answer is, you should leave this person. You could have a conversation. And maybe he is like, oh, my God, I'm mortified. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I want to get help.

I want to change. I would still say if someone is going to go on that journey, you could still push back. This isn't your husband. You're not married. You also deserve to have your youth and live.

You don't have this problem. And I think that you could still be close to someone. But I think when someone's in recovery, like, the best thing for them to do is focus on themselves. And you should also focus on yourself. Don't let yourself be brought down by something that, like, this is.

Again, it's so tough because it's like, there's so many complications when you're talking about addiction, but, like, if you're just taking care of yourself at this very moment, he is becoming verbally abusive the minute he touches alcohol. And it seems like it's quite frequent. You need to get out of that situation, and then you can try to get him help. But, like, first you always have to focus on yourself. That's just the reality of life.

Everyone's looking out for themselves. So I'm really sorry. I love you. I know that, like, fuck, it's just. It's bleak.

Like, and what sucks, I can imagine is you don't share too much with your friends and family because you get embarrassed because you also love him during the day, like I said. So you're like, like, fuck, he's. He's great when he comes over to my mom's for dinner and, like, no one's drinking. But the sad reality is just like, that's not sustainable. It's not sustainable to be like, okay, he didn't drink this Friday.

Like, we're good, we're good. Well, no, babe, then he's gonna pick it up the next weekend. You know, it's like, you can't try to, like, mitigate damage and, like, quickly, like, do this tap dance. If this is a trait of this person, if this is an addiction of this person, whatever it is. Now I'm just talking, like, holistically for, like, anyone listening.

If you have something that is, like, constantly bothering you about your partner, either address it head on and look for change. But I wish I knew this when I was younger and when I was earlier in relationships. I just wish I knew. Sitting and ruminating on things by yourself is going to do nothing but prolong the problem and probably make it fester up and make it bigger and make there be more instances and more pain and more problems, the faster that you can address something head on. If someone is hurting you and not even just hurting you, if you want to end a friendship, if a friendship is upsetting you, if you did something wrong and you need to be the one to apologize and take accountability, that I think is the best thing is to always just address it fate.

Like, address it head on and just don't let it continue to sit there and to cause more problems, because then you have ten times more issues than you did when you first thought about addressing something. Love you. I hope you're okay and keep me updated. Next question. Let's see.

My ex and I decided to stay close after our breakup. And naturally, that turned into us being friends with benefits. Oh, sweetie, don't I know that so well. We've been hooking up for a while, and everything was going really well until he got a new girlfriend. At first, I didn't really care about this girl and kept fucking him like usual.

Wait, what? He got a new girlfriend and you kept fucking him? But recently, I've started hanging out with her.

Hold on, rewind. You've been hooking up with your ex for a while, and everything's going really well. Until he got a new girlfriend. At first, I didn't care about this girl, and he kept fucking, and I kept fucking him, per usual. But recently, I've started hanging out with her, and she's actually become one of my really good friends.

As if this wasn't messy enough, me and this guy never use condoms. And I just found out I definitely have an STI, which means so does she. I want to come clean, but how do I tell my new friend that not only have I intentionally been fucking her boyfriend behind her back for months, but I also gave her chlamydia? Please help. Okay.

I love you so much. But, like, girl, this is so fucking messy on so many different levels. Um, here's the thing. This is just, like, self destructive behavior. And I am sad to say that because I wonder, like, what, like, 22 year old Alex would have said to this.

Probably I would have been like, oh, my God, like, hit the road and run. Like, just go. Just have a threesome with them and then blame them both that one of them gave you an STI and you're not to blame. You know, we, um. We.

We are maturing over here, daddy yang. Okay, this is what I would say. Listen, the first problem in the first offense is the fact that you are still having sex with your ex boyfriend when he got a new girlfriend. I get it. Friends with benefits with an ex is so common.

I think I've talked about that multiple times on this podcast. It's so easy to just go back to an ex when you break up, and it's that comfort zone. And now there's kind of, like, oddly no strings attached, but there's still that emotional piece where if you're going on dates with new guys, a lot of times you're missing that emotional connection. You're not going to go on a first date with a guy and fuck him and be like, God, I fucking love you. Like, so fucking an ex.

Is always more familiar and cozy. You also just know each other's bodies, and the sex is probably just better. The problem, though, is the minute he got the girlfriend, there's multiple things going on. Number one, you can never go back to this man because he's literally showing you he is comfortable cheating on his girlfriend. So my first question to myself would be, like, if you're so comfortable and you asked no questions, when you continue to fuck me and you got a new girlfriend, how many times did you cheat on me while we were together?

So that's my first thing for you to do. Just think about for your own self worth. It's like, babe, if he did this so casually with you, imagine how many times he cheated on you because, like, look how casual cheating is to him. Number two, to be friends with his new girlfriend. I feel like this is, like, a sick game you're playing with yourself where you're, like, getting off on this secret.

And I feel like you need to, like, look inward of, like, why are you enjoying having this secret with your ex who has a girlfriend? Like, that's just, like, mean. And I don't think that you can create an actual real friendship with someone if the entire relationship begins on a lie. And not only just like, a lie, but, like, a lie that, like, would actually just genuinely hurt this person. Like, you're actively every single day making a decision to infiltrate this girl's life and, like, make her think that she has a friend, when really you've started this all on a lie and you're fucking her boyfriend.

So, like, I think what I think what I've started to learn more and having more experiences in life is just, like, our actions have such consequences, sure. For ourselves. And you can be a fucking asshole to yourself and be hard on yourself is one thing, but, like, this girl is now, like, going to have trust issues forever because of how mind fucking crazy bat shit the two of you are acting right now. I'm putting myself in that girl's position, and I feel really fucking bad for her that she's sitting there and has no idea when she finds out that girl for the rest of her life. And I think, like, that is not an overstatement.

Like, I still to this day, I have, like, moments where I'm like, because I had been cheating, cheated on in my past. And so, like, it rarely comes up. But if Matt does something, I'm like, oh, my God. That just kind of reminded me, like, of, like, a feeling I had once. And it's like, I never want to feel that way.

But, like, when you have that type of, like, trauma of getting cheated on and lied to by someone that you thought you were in love with, like, it stays with you and you remember those little things and you find yourself, like, having reactions that someone that had never been fucked over and lied to and deceived would not have those reactions. So, like, you are actively fucking with this girl's life and her trust issues. And, like, I. I. Having been cheated on, like, I just don't fuck with it.

And I think it's just, like. Like, it's not. It's not cool. Like, I don't know why you would think that was just, like, chill to do to a woman. And I get it.

If you're so madly in love with your ex, like, put it on him to draw the line, like, either break up with your girlfriend and let's keep doing our friends with benefit thing, or you also have to recognize your self worth of, like, hey, I love you so much, but think about this girlfriend. He's fucking you, but he just got a new girlfriend, so how much can he really love you? You know, it's like, I feel like we waste so much time in life, and I look back and I have some time I definitely wasted, and I know we're all, like, no regrets and whatever, but, like, there's definitely some. Like, there's at least, like, 50 days of my life I could probably, like, justify, like, no, I'd take him back. No, I would actually undo that for sure.

And I think for you, it's like, what are you doing? What is the end goal here? Are you madly in love with this person? Then be an adult and go talk to him about it and set a boundary and set an expectation of what you want and see if he's going to reciprocate. Or is he literally just fucking you because he wants to keep fucking you and he's enjoying being a piece of shit, fucking two women at the same time.

And then when you start fucking around with STD's, it's like, I don't know. I just think it's, like, really grimy. And I feel like you can do so much better for yourself. And I get it. When you have a relationship with someone and they get into a new relationship, so many emotions come forward.

So many emotions are like, you have jealousy that you never felt before. You have anger, you have more lust. You're confused. I get that. But there's different ways to process that other than going and actively hurting someone.

That's just like, an innocent bystander that, like, really didn't deserve any of this. So I'm sorry that you got chlamydia and you have an stI, and that's awful. And I think that one is enough for someone. You know, I would just say, like, maybe go get tested, get some medication and move on and let these two figure out their own relationship and stop being the third and have some self worth and actually move forward in your life. Like, it's too messy.

You deserve better. And you need to lead your life in a way that you're more confident because you can't keep putting yourself in these situations because then it becomes a pattern. I know it's funny. Like, I could sit here and be like, oh, my God, bitch, this is crazy. But I actually, like, want you to thrive and I want you to succeed.

And this situation that you just wrote me is, like, so many reasons as to why you're not putting yourself first and taking. Well, you are putting yourself first. You're definitely actually putting yourself first and being a selfish piece of shit. But no, daddy, it's like, you got to do better. You got to, like, you have to look at what you actually want in life.

This isn't what anyone wants. Maybe you're seeking attention. Maybe there's something going on at home. I don't know what it is, but look inward. This ain't it, girl.

Okay. Love you.

Hi, daddy. I have been with my boyfriend for four years now. On our anniversary, he blacked out and passed out as soon as we got home. I have never done this before, but I had a gut feeling. Oh, no.

So I went through his phone. He told me that he didn't have a Snapchat anymore and never used it. But when I checked it, I saw he had a 30 day streak with. With some random girl I've never heard of. Of course, there's nothing saved that I can read, so I have no concrete evidence, but what the fuck?

How do I ask him about it without giving myself away from snooping? Okay, honestly, fuck giving yourself away. I think that you immediately address it. And I think this is where I've learned. Not that I've, like, gone through Matt's phone, but if I was ever going to go through Matt's phone in the past, I think that when you act very calm and mature and level headed in conversations, even if you made a mistake, you're going to get a positive outcome for yourself.

So this is personally what I would do if I was in your position at this point. I would probably have confronted him the next morning. But now that you're writing in this, in, like, I'm sure, like, weeks have gone by and you haven't said anything. Let's assume so. I would say you sit him down.

You either. I don't know. I think you guys, you said you live together, so if you say you want to have a dinner at home that night, you order in food and you sit down and you say, hey, I want to have a serious conversation that has been eating away at me, and I'm mad at myself that I've let it go this long because I wanted to say something immediately. But I'm going to be honest. I was scared.

I was scared because I didn't know how to bring it up. I was scared because of what the conversation was going to be and how was I going to address it. And it's just like, it's been weighing on me. And so I'm just going to bring it up. And I really need you to have a conversation with me because I literally am losing sleep over this, and I feel sick immediately.

You're setting yourself up to say, like, hey, because you know what has happened to me before in a really toxic ex past relationship. I know the first thing he would say is like, well, why didn't you bring it up immediately? Like, you're, what the fuck? Like, you've. So you've been holding this over me?

No, you need to explain. Like, this has been emotionally wearing you, wearing on you, and this is not something that you've enjoyed holding on to by yourself, but it is, like, again, your sense of reality has completely shifted. You have probably gone down the longest rabbit holes. And if I'm going to be honest, like, he may not be physically cheating, but if he's talking to a girl for a 30 day streak, some shady shit is going down. Whether he's cheating on you, whether he's emotionally cheating on you, something is happening.

And in my opinion, if Matt had been on a 30 day streak with a woman and was constantly talking to a woman, that would have been the end of our relationship when we were dating. Like, I would have just been like, I'm good on that piece. So once you set the conversation up, this is what I would say, and I would be honest. I think you say on our anniversary, I had this gut feeling. I know you so well.

We've been together for four years. I'm not an idiot. I know when you're sad. I know when you're happy. I know when you're upset.

I like we know each other like, we're in love. We're together all the time. And so when you passed out on our anniversary, I was wide awake because I was like, how did our night end? Like this. Like, this is so strange.

How does he pass out? Like, what's going on? And I sat in bed, and I. I made the decision that I never wanted to do because I want to trust you with everything in me. But I just had this awful feeling, like you've been acting a little strange.

You've been acting a little off. And so I went through your phone, and I am heartbroken, because immediately I am finding lies, and I'm so lost on, like, how we got here in our relationship. You said you don't have Snapchat. I see you have the Snapchat app. Okay, that's fine.

If you have Snapchat, then I open the Snapchat app. Like, weird, though, that you told me you don't intentionally making a point to tell me you don't have Snapchat. I open Snapchat, what do I find? You have a 30 day streak with a woman. What am I supposed to think about that?

The only rational answer is that you are having a relationship with another woman, whether it is solely based online or you've met this woman or you're having sex with this woman in some capacity. You're cheating on me. And so I need answers because I'm sick to my fucking stomach. So what's going on? And you leave it there.

Like, I think that it's not manipulative, but I will say I've learned the calmer you can be in situations where you are confronting someone, the better it goes. Because first of all, if he's being shady, what is actually going to happen is he wants you to escalate so he can immediately turn it back on you and be like, why are you being so fucking crazy? Oh, no, no, no. I'm being so chill. We're good.

Because I'm either gonna walk out this door and I'm done, or you're gonna tell me this is your fucking cousin. But, like, maybe. Maybe he's from West Virginia, so, like, I don't know, like, what he's doing with his cousin, but, like, do you know what I mean? Sorry. Do you know what I mean?

Like, you staying calm provides no escape for this man. He either has to just blatantly lie to your face, and you just stay super calm, and then you would say, so that doesn't make sense. So now make it make sense, or, okay, now open your phone and show me this phone number. If you're like, you have ways that you can just continue to get answers and answers and chip away at his lies. But if you cannot escalate the situation, that's what I've learned.

You're going to always succeed, and you're always going to have a better outcome than if you like. Like, I get it. Trust me. When I was, oh, my God. In my teens and my early twenties, I would literally be rip shit, like hysterics.

Like, I would rip a man's face off with my words and I would get off on it. I would be like, you little fucking piece of sh. Like, I would go so off. And now I've realized, like, it by you going up ten notches, it only gives them an escape, because then they'll be like, you're being so over the top. Like, oh, my God, like, what's wrong with you?

Like, why would you go through, if he says, why did you go through my phone? Say, I just explained to you that's the last thing that I wanted to do. But I was sitting up sick to my stomach because I knew something was off. And the saddest part is I was right. And so I wish, I wish I was sitting here saying, I'm so sad.

I went through your phone and I felt like piece of shit. Nothing was there. But I was right. My gut was right. Your gut is always right.

So the issue is not that I went through your phone. The issue is I went through your phone because I felt you were being shady. And voila, you were being shady. So go ahead, explain to me what's going on. The honest truth.

And again, to please write back in and let me know if anything is not what it seems. But I would say this is probably the end of your relationship. I think that when I think that there's something really fucked up about social media that makes me really sad for dating nowadays in general, is like, people have such crazy relationships online, and I feel like people can form relationships online that are just completely online based, and people can almost compartmentalize those online relationships as not reality. Like, I had a relationship with someone where they were not physically cheating on me, but they had this, like, texting, sexting relationship with someone and they had never met this person in person. And you're like.

And then they were like, I didn't even think about it like that. It's like, it's so fucked. And so I think that there's a world where he could deny it and deny it. And he may have never met this woman, but to me, any type of emotional intimacy, you don't have to fuck to be cheating. That's my barometer.

Some people, it's like, oh, you can have emotional relationship, but, like, as long as the pee pee didn't go in the v, like, we're good. Like, that doesn't work for me. If you are emotionally putting yourself out there with another person and constantly needing them to fulfill you, that is emotional cheating. And what the fuck is wrong with our relationship? To the point that you need to feel go and feel fulfilled.

So I would say confront him, but I don't really see what the excuse of a 30 day streak with a woman could be. And I don't. And you didn't say, but, like, I'm assuming, you know, it's not his cousin because you didn't recognize the woman's name. So I'm really sorry. See, this is why I started this episode, being like, I'm so happy that I got married and I'm happy at this point in my life, but, like, this doesn't negate the fact that shit's fucked up out here.

Daddy gang. Okay, so we can be happy for a day, but then, like, time to fucking catch these little motherfuckers and all their lies and beat them down and let them know, you cannot fuck with the daddy gang, okay? We will always find out. We will always come for you. But, yeah, I'm really sorry, and I really.

I really hope that you can get closure, because again, and that's almost why I hope I wasn't too hard on the girl that said she was cheating with her ex boyfriend on her new friend, whatever the fuck that situation was. I hope I wasn't being too harsh. I think this is what I was trying to say, is, like, our actions have real repercussions. And. And I think through experiences in life and more experiences in life, you just start to see that more clearly.

And when you're younger and you haven't had as many experiences, it feels kind of just like this fleeting, fun little thing, but, like, this is gonna hurt someone. This girl just opened Snapchat, and she's like, I'm literally sitting up on my anniversary sick to my stomach. And so anytime you're going to make these decisions, like, you do have to put yourself first in some capacity because everyone's fucking doing that. And hopefully at some point, you can find a partner. Everyone that's listening, that.

That puts themselves first, but also is completely mindful of you and putting you first, because they're viewing themselves in a partnership, not in this individuality. And I think that's something that I've learned in my relationship with Matt is like, I'm. I still have such independence in my relationship because of our respect of the partnership. If there's no respect of the partnership, there's no communication. If there's no love, if there's no respect, then individuality is actually just, like, disrespecting him and going out and not answering him.

Like, having respect for your partner then allows you to have independence. But, like. And. And I think that sometimes that's. I mean, that's a whole fucking episode I could do because I've learned a lot and in therapy and through this relationship, and I.

It took me a really fucking long time to figure that out. But I'm really. I'm really, really hopeful that, like I said, there's always a fucking sun and rainbow and over the mountain and hills. You just got to get through the lightning bolts and storm and thunder, and sometimes, you know, the hail comes through, and you're just like, what am I saying? The point is, life fucking gets better.

And I love you guys, and I promise it is not the end of the world. Pieces of shit. Cheat. You're gonna be fine, bitch. Move the fuck on.

Go find a fucking guy that is gonna treat you like the mother fucking daddy. You are so daddy. Gang, I love you so much. I'm so happy to be back. I have a, like, I don't even know how to describe this episode coming out on Wednesday.

Let me just say this woman is someone that so many of you have recommended. I have been waiting to have her on. There is something recently that she was. She was out there. People wanted her on.

We are finally doing it together. And I think you guys are going to freak out when you find out who she is, because she's fucking incredible, and it's gonna be a phenomenal episode. So you know the drill. I will see you fuckers on Wednesday. Goodbye.

This episode is brought to you by Doordash. Want zero dollar delivery fees? Try dash pass. By doordash, daddy. Gang, I love being home.

I love to be cozy, comfortable, laying on the couch. I can't tell you how many times I need something, but I am too lazy to get up and get out of the house. And sometimes I need food or groceries. You name it, dash pass gets it delivered right to my door and yours, too. It is only $9.99 a month, so I think it's a really good deal.

Daddy. Gank. So get zero dollar delivery fees on eligible orders with dash pass and new members get a 30 day free trial terms apply. Sign up today.

My Husband's Insane Birthday Request [VIDEO]

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction

2: The Orient Express

3: Birthday Celebrations

4: Reflections on Marriage

5: Concluding Thoughts

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Companies

Books

Guest Name(s):

Content Warnings:

Transcript