Kate Hudson: A Year Without Men [VIDEO]

Alex Cooper
What is up, daddy gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with call her Daddy. Daddy. Daddy. Hi.

Hi, Kate Hudson. Excuse me if I have these disgusting cough episodes. Oh, are you sick? I am. No.

Kate Hudson
I have that lingering three week. You come here to get me sick. If you get sick. It wasn't me, it was you. I am not getting sick.

Alex Cooper
You came in here to be like, fuck this bitch. I'm gonna get her really sick and leave and give her no tea. No, it's going to be great.

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I get that there are some things you don't want to share, but bottling everything up inside can truly have some awful consequences. I remember growing up, I guess, honestly, the truth is I was getting bullied. And I was, like, so embarrassed to tell my family that because at home I was fine. But at school, it was tough for me. And I just remember feeling so awful about myself, and I kept it to myself, and I dealt with it by myself, and it literally just caused truly maybe like, a decade of trauma.

And later in life, now that I've processed it, I'm like, damn, I would have been so much better off if I had just talked to someone about it. It didn't even have to be my parents. Talking helps a lot, and if you want to save space for that conversation, I recommend therapy. I have had such an incredible relationship and experience with therapy. I was so ready to get better and to better myself and understand myself more.

If you're thinking of starting therapy, give betterhelp a try. It's entirely online, convenient, and flexible. It's easy to get started. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can even switch therapists whenever you need to for no additional charge.

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Okay, so you're kind of, like, in an entire new phase of your life right now with this new venture of music. Congratulations. I know. Well, only in public, right? You know what I mean?

Kate Hudson
So, I mean, music's been in my life my whole life, okay. Whether it was me or whether it was with, like, my ex's partners, but, yeah, no, I finally was like, you know what? If I don't share it, I'll just regret it. And that's what I think is interesting. When you think of, like, Kate Hudson, everyone's like, actress.

Alex Cooper
Is it terrifying to come out with music, or are you, like, excited? Are you nervous? I think it was terrifying, which is why I didn't do it. And I'm an aries. Like, I'm supposed to be fearless.

Kate Hudson
And I was like, why am I so terrified to share my writing, really? You know? And I think it's because when I grew up and sort of was young and became well known and, you know, I got famous young, so I was 20 years old. And at that time, you don't switch careers. There's no, like.

There was no, oh, you're gonna be a movie star, and then you're gonna be. And then you can be a rock star. It's like, no, stay in one lane. Everyone tells you to stay in one lane. Don't break what's not broken.

So I kind of had this thing where it's like, the one thing I loved the most was gonna take a. Was just gonna take a back seat. And so my dream was like, okay, well, I can do musicals, and then maybe that's how I incorporate music into my life. And then I, you know, it just. Time gets away from you and, you know, kids and things and Covid happened, and I'm like, I'm sitting on hundreds and hundreds of songs that I've never, like, I'm so scared to put that out, but.

But why? Yeah. And so I had to kind of tackle that, and then I was just like, fuck it. If I don't do it, then I will be on my deathbed, and it will be a great regret of mine, so. Well, I think it's incredible you're doing it also, because you have a really good voice.

Oh, thanks. Like, no, but I think sometimes, like, to be honest, I think people are always like, oh, God, another fucking actress is gonna now try to do a singing career or vice versa. Yeah. The singer goes to try to act. I'm listening to you, and I'm like, oh, you have a fucking great voice.

It's funny. Cause I'm not like, I don't. I don't. That's been part of my hesitation is I don't see my. The instrument as, like, a technician.

I think there's certain technicians of the instrument that are fucking brilliant. And you listen to them and you're like, whoa, they can do runs for days, and they can hit certain notes and things. Like, I never saw myself as a technician of the instrument. So, like, when I'm writing music, I write. I write for my voice or I write what I'm feeling.

So that always for me was like, you know, if I can hit that note, then what does that mean, you know? And so I kind of also had. To just let it go. Let that go. Well, I also think what you were saying is your lyrics, like, as I was, like, going through your music, I'm like, oh, so much of your lyrics are about love and your relationships and heartbreak and moving on and knowing when to move on.

Alex Cooper
And, like, romeo, I feel like, is like a great summer bop. Do you like rock? Yeah, I love. Oh, my God. I love.

Kate Hudson
I think it's a vibe. I like Romeo so much. It's a good vibe. Romeo makes me happy. That song just is, like, I just want to, like, put it on in the car in the summer.

Yes. I love that. That's the one you mentioned. But then I also love that you go to the complete opposite side, and it's like, love ain't easy. And I'm like, you're just, like, flexing your vocals.

Alex Cooper
I'm like, holy fucking shit. It's like a beautiful, I guess, ballad or, like. And it's gorgeous. But so much of listening to it, I felt like I got to know you a little bit more, and I want to talk a little bit about that today. Okay.

Because I'm like, okay. Uh oh. When you were growing up, how was sex and dating discussed in your household? In our house? Yeah.

Kate Hudson
Oh. I mean, I have very open, you know, progressive parents. Ish. Progressive ish parents. Those were things that were always very open.

Alex Cooper
Okay. And I think part of why we were never super rebellious was because there was no mystery around those things. So, you know, even, like, party. Like, my parents loved to have a good time, and we grew up seeing them enjoy their life, laugh with friends, be, you know, talk about naughty things, sometimes overhear things that were like, hmm, what are they talking about? Right.

Kate Hudson
But this mystery of, like, connection and why we connect with people was never something that was, like, hidden, that we didn't talk about, you know? I think that's a good point. Cause I feel like not to shit on the kids that parents were so strict, but I had a similar upbringing where, like, my parents were, like, very open about things. So I was never like, I wanna go experiment and do all this shit behind their back because fuck you, you're making me stay home. I felt like I was lucky to have that.

Alex Cooper
But I can see a lot of kids where you can go the opposite way. Because if your parent tells you not to do something, you naturally want to do it. Sometimes. Yeah. So if you have people that are talking openly about, especially, I think, for women, about, like, not actual sex.

Like, your mom's not like, Kate, let me tell you about this. But when you're. Well, did she. No. I mean, not when I was young.

What were you like with guys growing up? Like, were you confident? Totally boy crazy. Really? Oh, yeah.

Kate Hudson
I'm still boy crazy. You are? Yeah. Yeah, boys are fun. I have a good boy right now.

I have a really awesome boy. But I mean, I, you know, I'm doing this show right now where I play the president of a basketball team. So I'm basically surrounded by men all day. And you're just having fun. I went home to Danny.

I was like, honey, I'm having the time of my life. I love you, and I am very committed, but, ugh, I feel so lucky. It's like I was born for this job, but I was very boy crazy. Okay. And.

But I was also very prude. Oh, really? Like, love to have fun, loved to be flirty, super prude. Really? Yeah.

Alex Cooper
What was your personality in high school? I didn't want to be there. Why? Cause I was, like, ready to, like, I was, like, ready to have my own apartment somewhere in the world. Like, I was like, in 9th grade, like, ugh, just someone give me, like, a martini and a cigarette and some book on a balcony in Paris.

Kate Hudson
Like, I don't know, I can see it a little bit in my daughter. It's just like, I wasn't into the high school party scene. I wanted to be in theater, I wanted to be singing. I wanted to be traveling the world. I was ready.

Got it? To me, high school felt like it was holding me back. I get that, you know? And I was like, oh, you're just. You're just holding me back, you know?

Now I look back at high school and I feel like it was like, one of the great experiences of my life. Right, right. But I was definitely, like, the mom of the bunch, you know? Okay. Yeah.

Like, when all my friends were partying, like, I was designated driver, like, I would take care of everybody. I didn't expect that. Yeah, total. Everybody thinks I'm a total party girl is the opposite. Yeah.

Alex Cooper
So you're always dd ing still to this day? Always? Well, I mean, you know, not now, but, like, back then I was very straight. Were you bullied at all? So pretty straight.

Like, were you October? Totally. Really? Totally. Yeah.

Kate Hudson
Because, look, when you're young, if you're confident in something, it's hard. Like, people don't really like it, you know? So, like, I remember I was like, I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I was very focused. I wanted to be in theater.

I wanted to be, like, working and doing things. And there's a lot of girls who just rolled their eyes at that. Yeah. And so, yeah, I wouldn't say bullied, but there was a lot of gossipy, like, talk behind back type stuff that. Makes sense, where girls are just like, she's fucking annoying.

Alex Cooper
And then you're like, what? Because I know what I want to do. And, like, you know, I guess, like, because I wasn't. I think girls who don't party, you know, I can sometimes get that, too. It's like, oh, you're too good to get drunk with us?

Kate Hudson
And it's like, no, I actually just don't want to do a kickstand with you right now. I don't want to get wasted, but I'm happy to hold your hair when you're throwing up. I don't. So I was like, that girl. And it would, I think sometimes bother girls.

I get that, but it didn't bother me. Right. You're not judging them for doing the keg, Stan. No. You've, like, got the hair tie ready.

Yeah. And I just didn't. I wasn't like that. But I think when you're at a place in your life where you're like, don't feel like you're in the same position as people, like, mentality wise, it's hard to fit in anywhere. Like, if you're, like, ready to move on and everyone's like, we're loving this.

Alex Cooper
Like, we're going to the tailgate tonight and you're like, stab me. Yeah. I think these, like, so young, like, social structure, clicky, like, lord of the flies type, like, things that happen are actually really important. How you deal with them at school and then how you deal with them at home, with your family, and, like, how they're supported, I think, are so important. I feel like it's good to kind of have a little bit of friction when you're growing up and people saying mean things.

Kate Hudson
Sometimes it's like, oh, you know, you kind of need a little bit of that to, like, power through it and realize, like, in retrospect, to be able to reflect, look back and go, wow, like, I'm so happy that that wasn't who I am and that I had a little bit of that scarring. That's a good point. Get me. Get you through certain things because it doesn't get better. No, it does not have.

The world is a. I mean, human nature is quite brutal. So. So, like, how do we, you know, when those small communities, like, you're going to have friction in high school, right. What was your friction?

Alex Cooper
Mine was. I definitely, like, I had a similar experience where, like, I was ready to get out. Like, I knew I wanted to do all of this. Like, I was, like, the video production nerd, but I was also, at the same time, the jock. So, like, I hid from everyone that I liked video production, and I would, like, lie to everyone.

They're like, why are you doing that for your elective every year? I'm like, I don't know. They said, like, I'm good. It's so annoying, but whatever. It's easy.

Like, I would lie. Cause I was embarrassed because everyone would make fun of me for, like, liking that shit, right? And I was the jock, so they're like, you're the soccer girl. Like, you can't be both. And kind of what we talked about at the beginning of this episode, it's like, you can never be both.

And I think, especially for women, it's like, you definitely can't be both. That can't be possible. And I was insecure. Like, I was super awkward and gawky. Aren't we all?

And, like, it wasn't great, but I do look back, and in the moment, I was like, fuck my fucking life. I need to get to college. Then when I got to college, I was like, I'm ready to go to New York City. Get me the fuck out of here. Like, I feel like at every stage of my life, in those, like, scholastic moments, I was like, I'm ready to leave.

I'm not meant to be here. But then I look back, and I'm like, I learned so much about myself. I know. And then you kind of look back, too, and you're like, oh. And then you had these great, like, big, fun, awesome moments.

Kate Hudson
Sometimes I look, there's certain people, too, that were just, like, always wonderful. Like, you know, you kind of. This girl Hillary and Jessica, and, like, I look at these girls, I'm like, they were. I wonder what they're doing now. Like, they must be, like, the greatest mother of all time.

Cause they were so, like, even. And they had kind everybody and, like, helping you organize your own thoughts. Like, did you get your homework done? Oh, yeah. Oh, shit.

You know, there's so. It's like. I don't know. You look back at that little mic like it's like a microcosm, right? What?

You know, the sort of. No, you're right. It's like, sometimes I think we have a hard time pinpointing, like, the positives in situations. Like, I found an old laptop from college, and I had some, like, fucked up shit happen to me in college, and I looked back at, like, this really specific time in my life as, like, negative. And I remember opening my laptop and, like, almost getting so emotional.

Alex Cooper
Cause I'm like, I had the best time. Like, I fucking love these girls, and I love these people, and I love. So, like, when there's something negative that happens, it's hard to remember all the positive, but most of the time, well. Our brain does sort of lean, you know, more to the. Unfortunately, to the negative.

Yeah, true. You know. Tell me about your first love. My first love? Yeah.

Kate Hudson
My first. I mean, my first real love was my ex husband. You know, I was young. I met him when I was 20. I actually met him when I was 18.

Okay, 1919. And he was just a, like, you know, not a very nice rock star type. Like, I remember thinking, God, he was so mean. And then I met him again at 20, and he wasn't that mean. I must have caught him on a bad night or something.

And. Yeah, I mean, first real love of my life. How soon did you date to then get married? Oh, gosh, it was a whirlwind. It was.

We were engaged in four months and married at nine months, and then, you know, and then, like, three years, then I wanted to have a baby, and we had rider, and then it kind of started to do that downward spiral. Right? The classic. The classic. We all know it.

Alex Cooper
How did you know you were ready for marriage at 21? There wasn't an ounce of me that wasn't like. I didn't question it for a second. Really? Yeah.

Kate Hudson
We were so connected, and Chris taught me so much about love and connection, and, you know, it was just a wonderfully passionate relationship. Did anyone around you be like, Kate, please don't get married right now? No. Like, my. The people I live in let people make mistakes, you know?

Alex Cooper
Okay, so your mom didn't care. She's like, yeah, and by the way, not a mistake. I look back at my entire, you know, life at this point, and I'm like, I actually feel like I might have gotten it right. You know, like, love. There's this sort of construct that we're supposed to do it a certain way, which I understand.

Kate Hudson
Cause I really believe in the unit, and I think it's what's missing right now. But I do believe that a unit can exist differently than this sort of, like, very kind of religious concept of marriage and male female relationship. I really believe that a unit can be, even if someone is alone in their life and hasn't met the love of their life, that they could have a best friend, that they live close together, and they can raise their children together and have values inside of that that can be really important for children. So, like, you know, for me, having the means and the ability to choose to be more healthy in relationships means that it's easy. It's kind of been easier for me to exit unhealthy relationships.

Alex Cooper
Interesting, right? So, whereas if I probably didn't have the means, it would be a much more challenging thing. But inside of that, just because you're not supposed to be with someone doesn't mean that you can't create a big, beautiful experience. Totally. I don't know how I've been able to do it, but it's like, we just do it, all of us.

What would you say? Cause, like, I think you're right, and I love how you describe that. I think so many people can be judgmental if you don't follow the traditional route. It's like, 21 is too young, but then 30 is too old. It's like, you can't fucking win.

As a woman, what was, like, the best and then the hardest parts of, like, being married in your early twenties? I just, like, jump in the deep end of everything. So it's sort of like. I mean, the best thing was that I, in a time that could have been probably not very grounded. I've always sought home.

Kate Hudson
I've always sought. I like my cozy. You know, I'm a homebody, and I've always wanted a big family. I've always wanted to work hard and have a big, fun, crazy life. But, like, you know, I am a.

I am a. I like to be home. And so even when I was young, I longed for that. Yeah. Family connect.

Family connection. I grew up like that, so and so when I met Chris, it's like when my career was taking off, it was also a time that, you know, could have been a whirlwind, and instead, I was in this very grounding, loving relationship. Right. Like, you had that stability, even though, like, externally, it looked all chaos. Cause your life is like, you're thriving.

Alex Cooper
You're a movie star. You get to go home to this guy, and you're like, this is what. I prefer, like, a cozy, great vibe. Vibe, yeah. Life.

I think something I was reading about you that I think is really relatable is like, you talk about how when your marriage ended, you still had, like, so much love for this person. And I'm wondering if you have any advice for women listening of, like, maybe someone just went through a breakup and they're still so in love with their ex, but they know they need to move on. Like, how the fuck do you do that? Let's be very clear. Like, if I didn't have children, I probably would never speak to them.

Stop. I'm kidding. No, you know, the thing is, like, I don't know if it has something. It just. I guess it's just a.

Kate Hudson
It's an attachment thing. I guess it's like how we attach to pain or why something isn't working or what the expectation is of what you wanted from the relationship, and then that expectation letting you down. And then people suffer because they've sort of put such an expectation on what something's supposed to look like versus. My choice through life is just like, opening, being more open and, like. And that doesn't mean that it's without pain and sadness and working through stuff and reflecting and taking accountability.

But, like. And I'll come back to the accountability part because I think that's the most important thing. But at the end of the day, you know, I believe you love, you know, someone. If you love them once, you really love them in some way forever, even if you can't stand them. If you really did, if you really loved them, if it was pure, it wasn't like coming from some place unhealthy, you'll love them through anything.

You know, maybe not romantically, but that will always, always be there. And I do believe that it shifts. Just like friendships shift. You know, my best friendships have gone through times where we are, like, don't talk 40 times a day to not seeing each other for a year. But there's always that kind of foundation.

I believe that with great loves of your life. And I will always, even in the hardest time, to be able to see the people that I've been with and that I've shared intimacy with, like, in a loving way. I also believe that that's a choice. Like, I choose to do that. You know, I do that because I think it's more peaceful for me, which makes it more peaceful for my children.

But I think that the biggest thing about relationships and, you know, when they. When they. When they end is. Is like, how you're being accountable. And I think most people hold on to all the shit when they're not taking accountability for their own, own thing.

You know, it's like, it doesn't matter. There's. It's always. There's always two people in the relationship. So you can't just point a finger out.

That's. You always have to look back and, you know, the old one finger and three pointed back at you. It's a great point. I love everything you just said because I think I had a conversation. I think it was with Camila Cabello.

Alex Cooper
And she was like, yeah, like, it's tough. Like, where does the love go? Like, when you break up with someone that you loved so much? It's a strange thing to know. Like, they're alive and they're out there and I'm here.

Kate Hudson
And that's why that Gautier song was so huge. It was so, like, it hit a nerve for everybody. Yes. Somebody that I used to. Why didn't I write that?

Alex Cooper
Fuck. You know? But, like, yeah, I mean, it's tough, but what did she is that was. No, she basically just said, like, it hurts, but it's like, you know, it's not supposed to be anymore. It was.

We change constantly as people. Like, I'm the same person, but a different version of myself. When I was 21, oh, my God, I was madly in love. I'm not in love with him anymore, but I still. Yes, I think you're right.

I choose to know that I still have love for all of these people that I loved. I think when it ends really badly, if someone, like, did you fucking dirty and cheated on you, and you find out and you're like, oh, my God, I think you never respected me. Fuck, that can hurt. But again, it's like, how did it get to that point? You can always look back at yourself and be like, could I have done this or could I have done that?

And sometimes they're just a piece of shit. And you're like, you couldn't have done any better. I had a friend who said something really, really great, which is like, you know, when you're in something and you're going through a wave, you know, he was also talking about it kind of like a DNA strand. Like, you know, people say it's like a rollercoaster, but it's more like when you're with someone for a long time, it's like, it's. It's like it circulates, you know, moves.

Kate Hudson
And I thought that was a very kind of a beautiful image for a long term intimate relationship. And as it's shifting, when you start to feel yourself off balance, like, it's much easier for us to go out to externalize it and go, I'm not getting this or I'm not receiving that. I'm. This is what that would look like over here. And what if I had this over there?

And what I believe happens as you get older or healthier, maybe not an age thing, but, like, is when you go internal, that issue or that wave or that cycle, it starts to move differently. You're not seeking anything externally. You're only really looking at it internally, which can only, in turn, really make the relationship more intimate and honestly more, you know, I would say connective because you're not seeking it from somewhere else. And then if you get to that place where you're like, I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's not coming from anything you need from the outside world.

Alex Cooper
I think that the concept of accountability in relationships is, like, not talked about enough. And I love that you brought up because it also gives you so much more autonomy over your own life when you actually take accountability as opposed to being like, he did this to me. And he's like, no, no one can do anything to you other than, like. I mean, unless you're in, like, a very, very scary. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah. Like, abusive. Put all of that aside. Right? Like, if someone's making you feel a certain way, like, you have the ability to control your own emotions and your actions and what you're doing and how you're reacting.

Yeah. And like. And like, look, you know, everybody holds their own wild card, right? And, like, sometimes that wild card works for some people and it really doesn't for others. And if you're holding two completely different wild cards, it can get fucking really tumultuous and wild.

Kate Hudson
But if you're holding the same wild card, you know, if someone is like, hey, here's the deal. I want an open relationship. I could never be faithful to you. I'd be like, oh, my God, thank you for saying that. I can't be with you.

Alex Cooper
Right. But, like, I have so much respect for your honesty. But if you're like, this person told me he couldn't be faithful to me, but I decided to be with this person anyway. And now we're in this tumultuous relationship, and I'm miserable. I'd be like, if I was my own girlfriend, I'd be like, babe, this is about you than it is about him.

Like, he told you he was honest. He was honest. And you still rode the wave. Yeah. You're holding different wild cards.

Kate Hudson
If you were like, great, then I'm gonna do the same. And then you guys would have a. I mean, you'd be, you know. No, it's a great point. It's like, sometimes we also, I think people, and it depends on where you're at.

Alex Cooper
I think health wise, it's like I. When I was younger. Oh, blinders on. I'm like, he told me this. I'm like, no, he didn't.

No, he didn't. He didn't say that to me. I'm, like, pretending to. I'm like, short term memory, and it was because I wanted what I wanted, and I wasn't listening to what was being said directly to my face. Right.

It's like, you're an idiot. Like, he literally told you he's cheated on his last 17 girlfriends. What'd you think was gonna happen? Right? I'm gonna change him.

No, you're not. And also, you know, a lot of people, I think, find themselves in relationships where people feel insecure and they wanna put people down and you take it. And at some point, I think a lot of women I know have been in this situation. At some point, you know, you can point your finger out at them, but you can somewhat. You're like, why am I accepting this?

Right? Like, why am I here? Yeah. And it kind of feeds that, like, you know, push pull thing that a lot of people get very, like, toxically into love. But, no, I used to love it.

I was like, oh, my God. I was like, Kate, I'm alive. And now if I would meet someone at that point in my life, I think when I got to later in my twenties, I was like, I'm exhausted. Absolutely. Get the fuck away from me if you're playing games.

But in my early twenties, it kept my heart beating. I was like, this is a thrill. And it was just all because I didn't want stability at that point. I did it. You gotta learn, right?

Kate Hudson
You gotta learn. Yeah. I have scenarios for you because you have wisdom. I'm gonna give you a scenario, and I want to know if you would keep seeing the guy or if this would be a deal breaker.

Alex Cooper
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I'm going to give you a scenario, and I want to know if you would keep seeing the guy or if this would be a deal breaker. Okay. Okay. You catch him going through your phone, and he says it's because he's been. You've been distant.

Kate Hudson
How long have I been with him? You've been together for eight months. Oh. Done. Out.

See you later. Weird. So weird. What about two years? Then maybe I'd be like, okay, what am I doing that's making you feel insecure?

And by the way, you can go into my phone anytime. You don't need to look at that. Like, if I'm with someone for two years, I'm not one of those people that's like, why are you looking in my phone? It's like, wait, what's my. Like, here's my phone.

I don't. I wouldn't live with secrecy or feel like I need, you know. Yeah. Have you ever caught someone going through your phone? Oh, yeah.

Emails. How did you find out? I could tell where there was, like, logins. You know, it was, like, stupid. You know?

Like, stupid. Yeah. Which also is like, bye. Like, you gotta be smart about it. Like, you almost get, like, the ick.

Alex Cooper
Cause you're like, wait. It would have been, like, cooler if you were, like, so sly. Yeah, but you're. But you're notification. Yeah.

Kate Hudson
It's like, what are you doing? No, clearly someone's on my. Yeah. On my iPad or my computer, whatever. It's like, on my phone.

Alex Cooper
It's like, ding. Someone just logged into your MacBook. Your boyfriend is on your. Stop. And did you confront.

Did you end it? It was already on the way out. Okay. It was like. It's good to know.

Kate Hudson
Yeah. Have you ever gone through a phone? Oh, yeah. Are you kidding? Especially with shady guys.

Like, full on. How do you get in? Oh, girls. Any girl who says I would never is a liar. Oh, my God.

Alex Cooper
It's my favorite hobby back in the day. I mean, at some point in your life, a girl's been like, mmm, no, I'm gonna. No, yeah, something's up. It's one thing if something's not up, then you should feel it's just a random. Okay.

Kate Hudson
You have trust issues. You gotta figure that out. Yeah. It's one thing if, like, the guy is being fully shady and not telling you the truth, and you're like, no, I need some concrete evidence. Don't.

Alex Cooper
CIA. I'm gonna figure this out. Then you get it and then. Fuck yeah. I mean, please.

Kate Hudson
Yes. It was a fabulous game. Okay. But when you play the game and you find things, how do you handle it? Because most of the time they're like, oh, it's null and void.

Alex Cooper
You went through my fucking phone, you crazy bitch. Yeah. Okay. It doesn't matter, but you're out of my life. Like, so what are we talking about?

Kate Hudson
Yeah, thank God. Because now I'm never gonna see you again. Like, that's great, but I'm really, like. I'm like, you would have to be doing something crazy. Really shitty.

Alex Cooper
Huh? You know what I mean? Like, oh, no. Like, you wouldn't care if you're telling. Me one thing and doing another.

Kate Hudson
And I'm not gonna do that, so I'm gonna find out. And then I also did do the thing, too, which is fun. Where you just lie. Yeah. Where you're just like, no, I read it.

I read it. I read this. Or I know you were here. How do you know that? Because I have a friend that's the bartender, and she was there and she saw you.

Oh, it's so done. All of it. And that's the best, is when you know they've fucked you over and then you come up with the best lie of all time and it's like, oh, my God, I can't even believe it. And they're, like, sweating. God.

Alex Cooper
And you're like, you know what's really sad? I used to do this is like, I know everything. And then they'd go, like, pale white. So I told you, I know everyone in New York. So when you go to the great white and you're there and you're having drinks with her, like, what do you think I was gonna do?

You think I wasn't gonna know? And he's, like, shitting his pants. Meanwhile, I didn't have any friends at the great White. Just saw on his phone that he was like, meet me at the great white. But you make it up, and then you get out of it unscathed.

Kate Hudson
But people wonder why women should rule the world. Because we're incredibly resourceful, period. It's like, guys, no, we're gonna strategize this, and by the end of it, you're gonna be sweating bullets, and I'm gonna leave you. The difference is we get notifications that you're hacking into our computers. We come up with lies.

Alex Cooper
You didn't even know we went into your fucking iPhone. I know. Guys are so funny. I love guys so much because they're quite. Quite.

Kate Hudson
They're very simple. I mean, not that they're not, like, complex and, you know, but, like, this, the foundation of how men work isn't that challenging. It's not. They're super straightforward. True.

And I think we expect them to be more complicated. We give them more credit for sure. Than it actually is. Half the time, if they're giving you, like, if you get a weird vibe, the weird vibe is. Right.

Alex Cooper
Like, they're cheating or they're doing like, yeah. Sometimes women will be like, well, maybe it's because his grandmother was not feeling well, so maybe he's been acting weird. No, no, it's what you think it is. He's cheating. Yeah.

Kate Hudson
Or like, if there's, like, three burner phones, like, there's a problem. You know what I mean? It's gonna get weird at some point. Like, if you see a burner phone and a dob kit, just run. It's not gonna be a good ending.

Alex Cooper
Right? Which has happened to a couple of friends of mine where I'm like, no, what do you do if you see this? And I'm like, oh, my God, babe, run. Well, first look on it. Cause it's.

Kate Hudson
I would love to know. We need the thrill. You gotta know. We gotta have something to talk about over dinner, right? Or, like, take it, steal it.

Just like, take the phone and then never talk to him again. And then you call the number, you meet up with the girl. You get cocktails. You laugh about it. No, you have to look at it, though.

Alex Cooper
You're right. It's comedy. Because men are. Sometimes men are so dense. I also love men.

And sometimes men are so simple, and they're really just showing you their cards immediately. How old are you? 29. Okay, so you're like, see, I'm in the age where everyone's married, okay? And we live vicariously through our late twenties, like, or early thirties friends, where we're like, oh, let me tell you the story.

Kate Hudson
When I. Now we're all like, you know, like, it's like we're in the. Okay, are you. Are you. Is.

Is your husband gonna go to the four year old's birthday party, or are the girls going to this birthday? How many fucking birthday parties are there this weekend? What are we doing? Are we just staying home? Like, it's just very normal.

You're in the normal. We're in the raising kids phase, which is just like, soccer games, baseball games, birthday parties. There's no, like, there's no burner phones. No, no. And that's.

No, yeah, but sometimes we want a little burner phones. It's like someone, can I have a friend who has someone with a burner phone, but sometimes you want a little. Burner phone action, so. No, I think that's such a good point, though. It's like, ladies, stop ignoring the fucking signs.

Alex Cooper
If it's right in front of you. It's probably what it looks like, but it's hard. I know you have friends who are more dramatic than others and. And we all have to let each other go through it. True.

Kate Hudson
I just don't like when people, we know when it turns and it's unhealthy that we need to rally around our friends. True. If something is not right and they're kind of stuck in a really unhealthy and it's not funny anymore. Yes. When it's not funny anymore.

Yeah. Then you're like, okay, you know what? What's going on? It's almost like when the girl dinners, because all girlfriends talk about each other and it's not even, like, behind your back, it's like, oh, God, she's with him again. Like, we know he's gonna cheat again.

Alex Cooper
And we love her to death from that. When it gets to like, I don't even want to fucking hear about it. Like, you've literally exhausted all of us. That's when it gets scary, because you're like, now you've alienated yourself and we feel bad. As opposed to be like, Jessica, what.

Kate Hudson
Are you doing with him again, he can't help you. You know, it's like. Or, like, support it. That's when it gets. That's hard.

Alex Cooper
Yeah, that's hard. Okay. He's really close friends with his ex. Oh, interesting. Like, how close is close?

Like, they get lunch, I would say, every month. Every other month. And they. Do they have a kid? Nope.

Kate Hudson
Oh. Problematic for me, personally. For me, too. If they had a kid, I'd be like, oh, this is family, and we have to bring her all in, you know? And my other thing is, like, if I'm going to have dinner with her and then you're going to go have lunch with her, we're good.

If we're all besties. My best friend was my ex's ex girlfriend. Hold on. And when we. Well, it's not as complicated as it sounds.

Basically, I met my best friend through my ex husband. Okay. Who used to date her. Oh, fascinating. So when I was married to him, I met her.

We became best friends. Got it. And that was his ex. And that was his ex. But we were a loved each other, right?

There was no, like, I'm gonna go have dinner with or lunch with my ex girlfriend and you were included. Oh, yeah. And she'd rather be with me than hang out with him, so, like, that makes sense to me. I agree. I think it does depend sometimes on, like, did you meet the.

Alex Cooper
Like, did you know the ex? This is fucking confusing me. Like, did you know the person before or after? Like, if my best friend became best friends with my ex, I'd be like, why the. Where's the fucking loyalty?

Like, you didn't know him before me. I think it. You know what I mean? Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. Okay, here we go.

Kate Hudson
You mean if your bestie. I'm dating a guy, okay. And my best friend meets him, likes him. Whoo. We break up, and she stays friends with him.

Alex Cooper
Odd. It depends. I guess it depends how it ended. How it ended. It depends.

He ruined my life. He cheated on me. I mean, it's tough. That's a tough one. Because I think it would be like, you know, it also depends on if you, like, is she kind of into him?

Right. That's fair. You can kind of feel when it's raised or when it isn't. No, I think. I think it's also just about, like, respect.

Like, communicate with your fucking friends if you're staying friends with your girl's ex and you guys are, like, in love. Well, okay, I'm gonna give you a scenario, okay? You're not friends with this girl. You have mutual friend groups. Okay?

Kate Hudson
Okay. Mutual friend groups. They run into each other here and there at a party. Oh, hey, nice to see you. Like, oh, good, I'm done.

She breaks up with her boyfriend. Okay. I don't know. Whenever. Six months, year later, you end up with the boyfriend.

Alex Cooper
Boyfriend. Does she have a right to be mad at you? Okay, you said the only moments I hang out with her is, like, in big friend groups. Yeah, she's. She's around, like.

Kate Hudson
Like, maybe you share a friend. We've never gone to a text. You don't know. Oh, my God, she can't be mad, okay? Absolutely not.

Yeah, well, there's a lot of people who would say otherwise, and I'm like, that's crazy. That's networking. How are we supposed to meet anyone? I don't know you. Right.

Alex Cooper
Like, if you can't be mad at me, that's crazy. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. It's. It's. If it's your best friend, that's it.

Kate Hudson
I'm. That's it. It's all the matter. Yeah, well, if it's, like, even. Even a.

Like, a close friend. A close friend. Of course. Yeah. Then you can have a conversation of, like, this is also tough where it's, like, it's awkward if, like.

But, like, you throw shade to girls that, like, are dating there, but they don't know them. I I think that's. I think that's weird. No, you gotta move on. And I also think if you don't have their phone number, you owe them literally nothing.

I agree. Okay. Okay. I like that we're moving on. He has an extremely high sex drive and is trying to go every day, twice a day.

I mean, I'm not mad at it, first of all, twice a. I mean, it'd be one thing if it's, like, four times a day. You'd be like, this is, like, we're exhausted. And, like, this is, like, kind of weird because, like, what happens when I have to, like, leave? Leave for a week.

Alex Cooper
True. Like, is this, like. Like, is this something you need every day, regardless of whether I'm here or not? And it also depends on, I mean, his age. Uh huh.

Kate Hudson
Cause it would sort of determine whether or not he was just going through it. Yeah. Or, like, if he was young. Like, that would make sense. If he's, like, 40 something.

Men's libidos kind of go down at late twenties. Right. So he's, like, a sex addict. So, like, if his libido's that high, it's like, what are you on? Literally, it's like.

I always say this about women, especially as women get older. There's sort of this concept around women that they should become less sexual as they get older. But the reality is, is that women, as we get older, our libidos get more intensified to a certain age than men's. So it's sort of like this made up thing. Right.

That women, as we get older are supposed to be. Right. Like, died out. Like, we're not even having sex. We're not sexual.

Yeah. When it's. It's. It's literally the. The opposite.

Alex Cooper
Yeah. So somewhere down the line, men didn't really want women to be very sexy as they got older, right? I think so they kind of made it so, like, oh, no. Like, if you're no longer, you know, mating for us. Right.

Right. Then you should just go over here. So true. When in reality, it's, like, women into their forties. Some of the fifties are, like, very much sexual.

Kate Hudson
Yeah.

Alex Cooper
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that's K 18 hair.com with the code. Call her daddy. Did I read this correctly? That your therapist once told you to take a break from men for a year? Yeah.

Where did you. Where did I say that? Yeah. I took, like, a full year off. You did it.

Kate Hudson
It was. I was like, what? I couldn't floor? No. Yeah.

None of it, but it was great. What? How old were you when you did this? 30 something. I just.

I was like, at that place where I was like, I don't want to keep repeating any patterns anymore. I have a great therapist who was like, I'm. I can help you, but you have to, like, do it right. You gotta, like, get off the sauce, Kate. He's like, get off the sauce.

And, well, my thing, I always get distracted, you know, it's like a flirt. You like voice. You love boys. I just love that. I love the, you know, like, ooh, this is fun.

I'm gonna touch this person. But it was really interesting because he took me. Like, basically, I was like, okay, well, I guess I'm. I can't even text guys. You couldn't blurt.

Alex Cooper
If a guy came up to you, you're like, just not interested. Yeah, I mean, I could talk to them, but I was like, there's no. I couldn't give them my number. So I'd be like. They'd be like, have your number.

Kate Hudson
I'd be like, you know, no, no. Like, there's no. I'm not in. I'm not there right now. But it was strangely empowering because it got very uncomfortable for me in the beginning.

Like, the first couple months, I was like, you know, my mojo was like. I was just like, oh, God. I was like, I might. I was like, you know, you know, just felt like I hadn't. I was like, what?

What am I doing, right? What? I'm not, like, not me. Yeah, it's just was. It's not fun, you know?

And so I was like, well. And then, because we were going through various specific type of therapy, it was really about, like, figuring out certain things that were happening. Yeah. And then I had this one sort of breakthrough that was very emotional that I don't think I would have been able to access if I had any distraction. So, like, it allowed me to see things much more clearly.

And then within six months, I was like, I didn't care about my phone. I didn't care about, like, if I was gonna go out, meet my girlfriends. I wasn't like, that thing where I'm like, oh, I wonder if so and so would be there. Or, like, ooh, we should maybe call up so and so and then do that. You know, there was no desire for me to be doing anything that had anything to do with potential, you know, flirtation.

Alex Cooper
Right. So then when I was in with, you know, doing that, and I remember my therapist a year later was like, okay, you can. I think you can flirt again. I was like, what? I can flirt?

Kate Hudson
And he's like, yeah. I was like, what does that mean? How do I flirt? I, like, forgotten. And then I remember, like, all these guys would start texting, and I'd be like, I didn't have the same attachment to it anymore.

It just. It just went away. That's like, I didn't get that, like, ooh, you know? I was just like, oh, no, no, it just didn't have the same, like, pull. Interesting.

It sort of became. And then the guys that I would normally have been like, ooh. Was like, nope, that's, that's right. Amazing. So you lasted the year?

Oh, yeah. I'm very disciplined. Damn. Yeah, yeah, it was good. One year.

One year. And, yeah, it's pretty. I was a longer. Cuz I was. I would then.

I was so happy. Single. I was single for like three and a half years. Being single is incredible. If you're, like, in the right place and like, you're mentally focused on yourself, like, fucking great.

Alex Cooper
I don't need anyone. And that's where you want to get to when you're single. I love it. I have empathy for women that when you get through out of a relationship, you almost have those withdrawal symptoms of like, oh, my God, I'm used to having a partner. I'm used to having them here.

And then you get good at being alone. You're like, and I don't think if I would have done that, if I would have, if I didn't do that, I would never have ended up with Danny, you know? Let's talk about Danny. Yeah. Because Danny, like, he's just, he's just such a good man.

Kate Hudson
And I'm not so sure I was attracted to the good man. I mean, I was attracted to good men, but, like, you know, the uncomplicated kind of. I liked a feisty, wild type. And whereas Danny has that in him, his values are very sturdy and he's such a lovely person. And I would have never, I think, allowed that in if I didn't take those three years of just being so happy in my life alone.

Alex Cooper
But I think that's a great thing for, like, all the women listening to think about. It's like when you're single, you get anxious of like, okay, like, I need to find who's my next person. Like, oh, my gosh, like, my clock. Like, what am I gonna do? And it's like, if you just chill half the time, when you get to the end, you're like, oh, I don't need anyone.

Like, they gotta be fucking great. If I find someone. There's this really funny, like, I see, I, of course, get fed all these, like, Aries memes. And there's this one where they're like, I'm an aries. Of course.

Kate Hudson
I da da da. And there was one person who goes, I was like, I'm an Aries. Like, of course I love to be in relationships. And then he's like, you like me back and just runs in the other direction. I think there's a little bit of, like, the Aries thing, which is like, we, like, newness.

Alex Cooper
Yeah. Adventure, you know, like, excitement. So, like, the sort of good man, like, solid relationship is like, Aries. I think a little bit in our head of, like, a little bit, like, hmm. Is this gonna, like, is there gonna be something that's gonna keep this interesting, or is this the rest of my life?

Kate Hudson
And I. I think a lot of, like, fire signs would relate to this. And so I. So for me, that those three years was like, oh, I'm actually, like, really love.

I loved being without because I was so happy alone. Like, I. The extent that sort of, like, excitement thing was like, I don't. That's actually not really. You don't need it.

What's gonna. You're like, I'm exciting. Yeah. I excite myself. That's right.

It's like I can create my own thoughts. Newness. You and Danny had known each other for 15 years before you guys got together. I met Danny when I was 23, pregnant with Ryder. And Danny was in high school.

Yeah. Who made the first move? Danny. Yeah. He was very, very slow.

Slow. Burn. So slow. I was like, I was like, this is getting. This is weird.

Like, is this. Is this, like, a thing, or is this, like, not a thing? You know, he's really cute. He's really great. That's so cute.

I know. He's the best. I honestly, like, I'm. I'm just. It's like, I'm so happy.

Alex Cooper
Good for you. Because I think it's, like, incredible when you find. I love when you find people in your life that you like. I can tell you're like, you're glowing when you talk about him. I could just, like, you know, I really believe that there's a lot of different people in your life that you could have.

Kate Hudson
Right. It's like, the options are endless. Yeah. When people are like, I can't find anybody, I'm like, you're not looking in the right places. Like, there's somebody for everybody.

You have to just be open to it, and it has to. And you have to let the expectation go. Like, he's not going to look the way you want him to look, and he's might not, you know, all this, like, this is my vision board. Like, be comfortable if the person on your vision board is the opposite of who the guy you end up falling in love with is, because I really believe that, like, part of what stops us from experiencing, like, great love is that we are shrinking the idea down to something really small. And so we're not open to.

Alex Cooper
Right. Like, you may be with someone that's right in front of you, but you're like, but that's not what I wanted. And you're like, but if it's right, it's right. Like, don't run away just because it's not your vision board, bitch. Like throw out Pinterest.

Kate Hudson
That's right, that's right. But it's good to have vision boards. I like it. But like. But like, be open to something totally different.

Alex Cooper
What does independence look like for you in a relationship? Great question. Oh, this question's so important. I think, like, it's so hard because communication, I think in order to be truly have, like, independence, you have to be good communicators because everyone's idea of their needs are so different, you know? And I am very independent.

Kate Hudson
It's the other thing about Danny, he's so like, he just like, lets me be you. Be me. And it's like, I could, you know, I could be like, you really want to go out with my girlfriends tonight? And I really want to be like, go, babe, go. And I could, like, be out till four in the morning, end up on something and come back like, oh, my God, I had the craziest night.

I did it. And he's just like totally okay with it. Like, in a good way. He loves when I'm happy and it was the. If it's the other way around, I'm like, yeah.

Alex Cooper
Why were you out? Hold on a second. What were you up to? Four in the morning? What could you have been doing?

Kate Hudson
Whose car did you end up in? No. Literally? No, but I really did. But independence is what works for you.

What might work for me doesn't work for him. So in order for me to feel independent, I think you have to communicate what that is. Like, my thing is, I just want to be told, just tell me that you're where you are, tell me what you need, and then I'm good. I have a hard time with not knowing. Some people are fine with not knowing.

They're much more comfortable with that. Secure with it. My things. If you tell me that you're gonna call me at eleven, but you call me at two, like that's gonna not create independence for either. Yes.

Alex Cooper
No, I think it's a great point. I could talk about this shit all day long. I love it. I could talk to you forever because I love having insightful conversations where we don't have the same background, so I'm interested to hear, like, ooh, like, what is your take on this? Yeah.

Kate Hudson
So, like, a full disclaimer. I should just wear, like, I don't know what I'm talking about. Me either. But it's, like, for me, I'm also, like. I'm saying this, but I also am very happy to be wrong.

Alex Cooper
No women should run the world. So, like, okay, this album, I think it's incredible because, like I said, you have an incredible voice, but the songwriting is phenomenal. And knowing that you said you have, like, hundreds of songs just, like, in your house, how did you decide what you were gonna put into this album? We just started fresh. Okay.

Kate Hudson
There was no, like. I mean, there's two songs on there that. That I wrote before I started writing with Linda, and then after we got out of the studio, writing with Linda Perry, who is a writer on a lot of it, we went back. Dan and I went back, and I. We kind of, you know, restructured two other songs that I had written before.

Alex Cooper
Okay. But they're. It's all, like, of that time. Yeah. You know, so.

Well, that's why I'm, like, listening to, like, the push and pull and moving on. There's a lot. That's why I wanted to talk to you about you. And I think that's when people connect the most with lyrics, when they get to know someone more. And I can.

I'm telling you, my fans fucking love music, so they're gonna be like, okay, now that we know Kate Moore, the lyrics will. Honestly, it's, like, such a. It's like, because I waited so long to put something out, it was really important that there. It was. It was reflective, so that there was, like.

Kate Hudson
For me, that it was where I'm at now, but that there's a. That there's the story of sort of, you know, a life well loved, and whether that be with my son or whether it be in past relationships that didn't work out or where I'm at now in with my Romeo, which was. Which is, you know, and that's just. Danny and I wrote that together, and. But, like, you know, that kind of the freedom in that song, you know?

And I have always been a hopeless romantic, and I'm gonna take the word hopeless out of it. Cause I actually feel that there's. I'm a hopeful romantic, you know, it's like. And the hardest songs for me to write are the hopeful ones. That was so important for me in this, because I'm so, like, my brain loves a depressing song.

Like, I mean, if you go into my vault of music, it's just. There's so much depressing shit in there. It's crazy, and it will come out at some point. Okay, good. I really, like, we need a good cry, but, like, for me, with this, I wanted it to feel like what the album title is.

Like, there's to love fully is a glorious experience, and it comes to you in so many different ways. And, like, we're talking about, like, if you're open to it, then you. You know, you're. Then you're. I think you're living a really, like, well loved life.

As long as you're a good person, treating people respectfully and you're honest. No, I can't thank you enough for coming on. Like, I had such a fabulous time getting to know you, and I'm so excited that I got to sit with you for this long to, like, talk about all the girl things, but talk about the music, because it is intertwined. Like you said, like, this is a. This album is about love and, like, the experiences that you've had.

Alex Cooper
And I think it's inspiring. Honestly, I think some people feel, like, constrained to, like, that was the one love of my life. You can have so many loves of your lives, and you can have so many loves, and you can love people in different ways. And you shouldn't look it back at your past in negative way. Like, every chapter is a new chapter and just, like, lean in and have a good time.

Yeah. And, like, gonna find out is, like, about not wanting a relationship. Right. You know, it's about being in that. Yeah.

Kate Hudson
For three years. You know, that's kind of, like a song about when you just want to, like, when you don't that. That, like, little, you know, like, spark that you have with someone where you're just like, is this gonna go down? You know? Okay, last question then.

Alex Cooper
I know you have to go. What is your favorite? I have to go make out with a guy. I have one scene to do today. Stop.

Kate Hudson
I'm making out with a total stranger. What? I've been, like, really stressing about. Oh, my God. And you're coughing.

I. Covid. No. Fuck. I'm not telling him.

Alex Cooper
You have to make out. Like, full make out. I'd like, make out with this random guy. How long? I mean, you will see it on Netflix at some point.

Stop. Yeah. I don't. I don't know, but I've been, like, having anxiety over the excitement. How do you get never prepared for that you just.

Kate Hudson
I don't know. I've never. What I do is I'm channeling Emma Stone in, you know, poor things. Poor things, poor things, poor things. You're channeling Emma stones?

Alex Cooper
Poor things. If she could do that. You can do this. I can do this. Come on.

Kate Hudson
You know what I mean. I can make out with some random guy easy. And. Yeah. So.

Alex Cooper
Well, thank you so much for coming on. This was truly so fun. This. You're fabulous. Thank you.

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Kate Hudson
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Alex Cooper
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Kate Hudson: A Year Without Men [VIDEO]

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction

2: A Year Without Men

3: Venturing into Music

4: Insights on Relationships

5: Conclusion

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Content Warnings:

Transcript