Audrina Patridge: Surviving an Abusive Relationship (FBF) [VIDEO]

Alex Cooper
What is up, daddy? Gang? It is your founding father, Alex Cooper with call her daddy, Audrina Patridge. Welcome to call her daddy. Thank you so much for having me.

Audrina Patridge
I am so excited. I have been an OG fan of the hills. Congratulations on writing your book choices to the hills and back again. What inspired inspired you to tell your story? You know, I guess what really inspired me was all the DM's from my fans and just what I've been through throughout the years.

They were always writing me, wanting advice or to know how I got through this or they could relate to me. And at the time, what I was going through. Sometimes it was so humiliating and I'd get so hard down on myself. But reading that, like, lifted me back up knowing that I'm not alone. So that kind of inspired me to think, okay, well, this is my chance to answer all those questions in one place.

Everything from the hills to my relationships to basically everything that's out there in the media or gossip or whatever, that I've always bit my tongue. I never said anything. I just let people say whatever they wanted about me. Well, this is my chance to really put it all in one place and set the record straight.

Alex Cooper
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Crank up the flavor. Sparkling ice. Anything but subtle. This episode is brought to you by betterhelp daddy gang. I get that there are some things you don't want to share, but bottling everything up inside can truly have some awful consequences.

I remember growing up, I guess, honestly, the truth is I was getting bullied. And I was, like, so embarrassed to tell my family that because at home I was fine. But at school, it was tough for me. And I just remember feeling so awful about myself, and I kept it to myself and I dealt with it by myself, and it literally just caused truly. Maybe like a decade of trauma.

And later in life, now that I've processed it, I'm like, damn, I would have been so much better off if I had just talked to someone about it. It didn't even have to be my parents. Talking helps a lot. And if you want to save space for that conversation, I recommend therapy. I have had such an incredible relationship and experience with therapy.

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During a routine ultrasound, I learned that the fetus would have a fatal condition and never survive. I had to flee my own state to receive treatment. I think Donald Trump bears an incredible amount of responsibility for these restrictive laws. We need leaders that will protect our rights. And that's Joe Biden and Kamala Harris.

I'm Joe Biden, and I approve this message. Writing a book, I can imagine, is it's a huge process. And you, in this book, take the reader through trauma that you've been through. Was it difficult to relive while writing them? Extremely.

There were a lot of moments where I would break down, and it was so hard for me. And, you know, my ghostwriter, Jen Shuster, who was amazing, she was almost like my therapist through it all. And I would cry and she'd. You would talk through it, and she's. I was like, I don't.

I don't. I can't put that in there. And she's like, audrina, this. You have to, you know. So it was very therapeutic, and I got through it.

And the more I talked about it and the more I kept having to read the book over and over. And it's almost like I conquered something that I don't. I don't cry about anymore. It's like it was very healing. I can imagine that, too, because it's almost like you literally started this being, like, I wanted to finally just say my piece.

Audrina Patridge
And then naturally, there is a part of us that, like, we always are like, wait, should I say this? And so it was kind of like, I love how your ghostwriter is like, audrina, are we doing this or snap out of it? We're going all in. We're going all in. And that's what I said.

I want to be vulnerable. I want to be honest. I want to be open. So if I'm going to do this, I'm going to do it the right way. Well, let's get into what you wrote about in the book, because there's a lot.

Audrina Patridge
Take a sip. Here we go. Okay, we're going all the way back. How were you originally cast? On the hills.

So I was actually. I moved to LA. So I was going to night school in Orange county, and I wanted to be a psychologist, so I had to drop out of college, community college, because I was going to get dropped. And I was like, you know what? I'm just going to move to LA and give it a shot.

So the place I was looking at didn't have anything available, and I met these two girls in the elevator, and they overheard me talking. They're from Oklahoma, and they needed a roommate, so it was just that fell into place. So I ended up moving in with these two girls. I didn't know. And then we were laying out at the pool one day, and Adam Dvello, who was there scouting for Lauren and Heidi, came up to us.

And, you know, I thought he was this kind of cheesy producer. Like, here we go again. Some guy hitting on us, like, what's your club? Right? But he was scouting for Lauren from Laguna beach, which I never watched, but I knew of her from tabloids and stuff.

So he liked my story, liked that I had my go to nights in LA, that I was very connected. And then we started filming two or three weeks later, and I had no idea what I was getting myself into. That actually makes a lot of sense, too, now, looking back, that you had your connections already, because I'm sure they wanted to make sure that Lauren and Heidi had a place to plop in. And you were like, oh, let's go to bootsy bellows, or whatever the hell it was called. And so you knew what you were doing.

Audrina Patridge
Were you just chilling at the pool in a bikini? Yes. Okay. So you were like, hello, sir. I was like, hi, can I help you?

You're like, hello, sir. Okay, that makes a lot of sense. You decide to start with the hills. I'm interested because I think a lot of people, when you think about reality tv, immediately people are like, what did your family think when you're getting followed around with cameras? They didn't know what to think.

They didn't even really know what I was getting myself into, but they were very supportive, and I moved to LA. Cause I wanted to do acting. So I was already auditioning for music videos and commercials and this and that. So I figured, why not reality tv? That's not even a thing.

I knew the Jessica Simpson had a show. That's kind of what I was like, well, it seems okay. It'll make me comfortable with cameras. It was very uncomfortable. I hated it in the beginning because it's not just one camera.

There's, like, three, and there's lighting, and there's people staring at you, and it's a lot of pressure to be yourself and open up when you're just kind of thrown into that. I feel like you played the character of the girl who had great style, like, super edgy. Thank you. The leather jackets, like, worn t shirts. Like, I was obsessed with your style.

Audrina Patridge
You were the cool girl, and you love the bad boys. Yes. And we were all obsessed with your relationship with Justin Bobby. When was the first time you saw Justin Bobby, and what did you think about him? So I was actually the receptionist at Coyote Studios, and the first time we met, he was working there with Steven Mizel on a shoot for Madonna, and I was a receptionist, so he kept walking in front of my desk back and forth, and you can only go so far.

And I was like, can I help you? He's like, oh, I'm just looking for some magazines. And I'm like, there's a stack of magazines on the table in there. And then he would come back and he wanted a drink. And then he would call the office all the time, and I'd be like, good afternoon, Kyoti studios.

And he'd, like, make funny sounds and just call me to talk. And we just started hanging out, and that's, like, before the hills. We know that reality television relationships can be fake or can be edited to look a little bit different. What was the actual dynamic of your relationship with Justin? I feel like, you know, Justin is a very mysterious man.

Audrina Patridge
Yes, he is. You know, with his mom. You guys got that. But, you know, when we first started dating and off camera, Justin has the biggest heart, and he's so caring, and he listens, and he actually cares. And it's not just me.

It's whoever he's talking to. He's truly connected and cares about what you're saying and wants to help. And, you know, I feel like when I brought him into the Hills drama, you know, he was kind of like, that's not his. That wasn't even my circle that I would ever go into, because I was never a part of drama. So bringing him into that, where he was instantly just, like, put on the spot, it kind of made him act out a little bit in his own way.

And then it's like he wanted, it was like he didn't care, but he did care. So I got to see the Justin on camera and the Justin off camera, which they kind of captured both. And, you know, and after he watched the first or second season that he was on, he didn't like how he behaved. Were you frustrated, though, by the edit of you guys ever? Yes, because whenever there's cameras around, people act different.

Audrina Patridge
Yeah. And I even going on other dates, they just change people. But, you know, and justin and I were very immature. We both played games with each other, so I can't just blame it all on him because I was doing the same thing. But I wish that they would have showed more of us just, like, hanging out.

They just wanted the action side of it, the drama side of it, because if we were just hanging out, talking and talking about music or going and playing pool all the time, that's boring. Absolutely. Do you think that your relationship would have worked out had there not been cameras? I don't think, I've not in the beginning, because we were so in the Hollywood scene and going out all the time and drinking, and there's always temptation around and other people pulling us in different directions. But I think as we got closer, yes, we could have if we didn't have the producers always trying to put us at each other's neck and trying to get us jealous at each other to get a scene going.

Audrina Patridge
So what was your first impression of Lauren Conrad? My very first impression of Lauren when I met her with Heidi at the pool, and then we went out. She wasn't the friendliest person. She was very closed off. And as we started filming, I kind of started to understand why she was like that and why she didn't just welcome people instantly, because people used her a lot and, like, would throw her under the bus or, you know, and I now I understand why she was like that.

But in the beginning, she wasn't as friendly or welcoming. I mean, she was doing this since she was in high school. Right. And she started in Laguna. I'm wondering, like, by the time you started filming the hills with her, from what you observed, like, how did she handle all the cameras following her around?

She was so seasoned already. I feel like she had that experience. She was so comfortable with the cameras. She knew all the good one liners to say when the scene was ending, what to do. Like, she knew exactly what she was a professional.

She knew what she was doing when. You guys would shoot a scene. Okay, you're done for the day. Cameras are off. What was your relationship like with Lauren when the cameras were not rolling?

Well, we ended up living together. We had the best time together. We laughed. We did everything together. You know, we had our ups and downs.

Lauren is a very opinionated person and a very strong personality. And, you know, if she doesn't agree with something or like something, she's gonna say it, and that's very respectful. I liked that. Cause I don't like the black or the gray. I like the black or white.

But we had some wild times. I remember watching them, and it was very fun. We actually watched an episode for our podcast, and Brody and Frankie were like, oh, my gosh. You and Lauren, you don't even care what you guys looked like. You just rolled downstairs after 2 hours of sleep.

Cause we had makeup down our face, our lashes, our hair. And I was like, we really didn't give a shit what we looked like. We just woke up and went downstairs to film. Did you guys ever, like, complain to each other about the process or, like, who hated production the most? You know, I think in the beginning, we didn't really care.

We were all for it. We were young, wild, willing to do anything and everything because we were out every single night anyways, so it just made sense. Yeah. Follow us, and we would drink, meet guys. Like, we had no responsibilities, so young, wild, and free, you know?

Yeah. What was your first impression of Heidi Montag? So, my first impression, when I first met Heidi, I met her at the pool, and we instantly hit it off because Heidi is so outgoing and fun and friendly and, like, she lives in her own skin, you know, she is who she is. And we actually hit it off immediately. And we'd go out all the time dancing, and, like, she'd come to my apartment and we would drink and laugh and tell jokes, and we had the best time.

Audrina Patridge
Can you believe that Heidi and Spencer are still together? I mean, that's one thing I respect about Heidi and them or her and Spencer is because they have stuck it out and they've been through so much. And, I mean, Heidi could have left him and had a whole different life, but she loved him, and she was willing to sacrifice and do whatever it took to make sure that that worked. And, yeah, they're still together. How do you feel now that the hills is officially over?

Honestly, I feel good about it. I feel like it ran its course. I think this past new beginning season, we all got to a point where there were a lot of storylines. At this point, a lot of my real life wasn't on the show, so I was all for the storylines where a lot of the people were putting their real lives on the line and wanting to film their real lives, like Heidi and I. Your real friendship gets put on the line because they're asking you to say and do things for the sake of the show, but then you're trying to have their back, but you're also trying to, like, do what you're supposed to do to make a tv show.

So that was really hard for me. And Heidi and I, we ended up talking it out at the end, but in my mind, I had to separate my job from my real life. Like, this is our job. Like, let's make a good show. It must be, like, a little bittersweet, though, because you're like, you've done this for so long.

Audrina Patridge
Like, you now are the season one. Like, you met Lauren. You're like, you're seasoned now. You're the one. You're a vet.

You know exactly how to do it. And now it's like you're moving on with your life and you're not gonna have cameras in front of your face and you're not gonna be a part of these crazy storylines. It feels like it's like a settling moment, but also kinda sad. I actually have a question for you. Yeah.

I don't know if you know this or not, but they just announced yesterday, I think, that there's a new cast for the hills, a new young cast. Wait, I didn't know that. That, yes, that they are. It's the new hills of a new generation and it's more diverse and it's about addictions and dating in LA again. And, like, what do you think of that?

Would you. I mean, I want to watch it just because. But I feel like. I mean, I think that that's really interesting. I didn't realize that.

Audrina Patridge
I think that as I've sat down with a lot of reality television stars now, I just feel there's so. Of course there's some positives that come from it. I mean, I've had so many people be like, I have my career because of it. You know, I have my platform. I make now money from it.

And, like, it's brought so many good things. But there is this, like, negative, toxic side that I think maybe in the OG days it was a little bit more authentic. I feel now, like, reality should literally be labeled like, reality scripted television. Yes. Because it's not.

It's improv acting, basically. Yes. And I feel like it's kind of detrimental to people's health at this point because of how much social media is ingrained in the process of it and people are getting death threats if you're the villain. And it's like, I'm not actually the villain. They're telling me to say this line, so, like, I don't know how I feel about it.

Audrina Patridge
I don't know if I. I don't think I would ever do it. Now that I see this side of it in the past, I'm like, oh, that looks cool. But now I think that we see a different side that looks so different. I guess we're gonna have to tune in, though.

I'm gonna have to tune in. You have to. I know. I sent it to Brody yesterday. He has it wrote back.

I was like, wait, they could have named it something else. Like, give this new cast a new name. Or, like, it's like the new Gossip. Girl reboot where everyone's like, it's not gonna be with Blake Lively and Leighton Meester. It's just not the vibe.

I know. I know. Shit. Okay. We need to watch it also, like, there's just.

Audrina Patridge
When you compare things, I'm like, there's no way anything will ever be the iconic moments of the hills. Like the prank scare moment? Yeah, like, exactly. Like, those moments that everyone remembers. Like, these poor people aren't gonna live up to that.

So give them a new name.

Alex Cooper
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With the code, call herdaddy. Transitioning. Okay. Your book, you open up about what happened in your relationship with your ex husband Corey. And, I mean, there's so much in it, and it was incredible to, like, how much you opened up.

Audrina Patridge
I'm sure as hard as it was, there's so many young women that are probably reading this, like, truly gonna take so much from it for their personal life and gain strength. So I just want to say, like, you're amazing. Thank you. Let's start from the beginning. What made you first fall for Corey?

You know, when I first met him through a mutual friend, I was going through the ups and downs with Justin, and I just felt like I needed some, like, a guy that was respected and respected in his own industry and had his own thing going on. So when I met him, at first, I never. I didn't think of anything of it. He had a girlfriend. You know, a year goes by.

This is when MySpace was a thing. Who was your top five? Tell me now. I know my song of the week.

You know, our friend. It was just kind of happened organically, just from hanging out. And then whenever he broke up with his girlfriend, he hit me up on MySpace, and Lauren and I decided to invite him to our Halloween party because we needed new guys. And we were hanging out with all these. Or I was with these professional BMX writers from X games, and, like, they're all hot and, like, you know, or I was like, okay, I know who to invite.

Like, we're inviting this group of guys. So that's whenever you first came on the show. And, you know, then we actually did have chemistry. And I liked that he was respected, and, you know, he was very healthy and all about his career, and he just had a whole different vibe about him than these la guys. And then that wasn't the case.

Audrina Patridge
And you write a lot about how you would catch him cheating, which we've all. I mean, I think I can say a lot of us, most of us have been cheated on. And it's one of the worst feelings. Yeah. When was the first time you caught him cheating?

Well, the. You know, whenever he would go on these tours all the time, I would always get Twitter messages from my. From fans that watched the show and they would warn me and tell me that he was in a bar in Oregon that night making out with his friend. And they love me and they just want me to know. So whenever I would confront him, he, of course, would say, they're just lying to you because they don't want to want you to be happy.

Their fans don't believe other people. You're going to believe them over me. So then I started thinking, okay, well, I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. And so I tried to block it out and constantly believe him because I didn't want to believe it, but I kept getting these messages. And then we were never, ever dating, like, solidly, consistently for more than, like, six months ever at a time until I got pregnant because I was always filming or traveling and he was always gone traveling and had his life.

So it was this off and on relationship where it's not a secret that it was toxic. I mean, there's pictures of me crying all the time on the street or, you know, there's footage of it everywhere. Can you explain some of the red flags and manipulation tactics that you expect experienced in your relationship with Corey? It's like. So I always disregarded everything and I wanted to be in love.

I loved him and I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to change myself and do whatever to make him happy. That's a huge red flag if someone doesn't trust you or they're constantly wanting you to delete your social media accounts or constantly wanting to go through your text messages, or you're not allowed to. To talk or go on, or you can't even go have a girls dinner without being blown up the whole time because you're being accused of going out to cheat or there might be a guy there that you run into. Those are all red flags. Run.

Audrina Patridge
It almost, I'm sure, made you at times feel paranoid of, like, oh, my God, now I can't do any of this because he's gonna get mad. And when you're thinking all the time about making sure your partner doesn't get mad. That's not. Yeah, you're not even enjoying yourself. So for me, it got to the point where, you know, I would rather not go out because I'd rather not have to deal with the fight and the accusations.

And it wasn't just, like, a day fight. It would string out over, like, a week or something would happen, and it would come back and, like, you know, it was all projection. And then if he thought I was cheating on him with one of my producers, you know, when I was on the travel show and I didn't call him at a certain time when I was in bed, like, hell would break loose. And then because of that, I wouldn't hear from him for three or four days. And then I'd find out he was with all these girls in his hotel room.

So it was this really toxic struggle. It's like, now girls that go through that and they see those red flags, pay attention. You know, I think also something you said to anyone listening that I definitely have experienced is, like, when they keep saying that you're the one cheating, that usually means they're the one cheating. Like, you said, projection. Like, wait, why are you so obsessed with me cheating?

Audrina Patridge
I have not done anything to make you think that. And you usually start finding the truth out after, like, and that's the thing with my ex in our relationship. I would forgive, and then things would be amazing, and then I would find the truth out three months into us being amazing, and it would be like, not again. No. Like, why?

Good. You wrote in your book, I had grown used to being woken up in the middle of the night by Corey standing over me, yelling and cursing things. Like, you're pathetic. You're a failure. You're a fake cunt.

Yeah. To what extent were your family and friends aware of the abusive nature of your relationship with Corey? They weren't aware of that. I tried to hide it from a lot of people because it's embarrassing. It's humiliating.

And that's after, you know, I had my daughter and I wanted it to work. I had hope, but it just gradually kept getting worse. And I thought if we got married and now we have this beautiful child together, things would be great. He could now know that I'm his. I'm not gonna cheat on him.

Stop worrying about that. Like, this is my life now. So again, it was projection, because coming home so late and calling me those names and making accusations and not having any self control, that was a huge red flag, too. And I hid it for a long time. Yeah.

Audrina Patridge
I really appreciate you saying that, because I think a lot of people can relate to that. Like, feeling embarrassed to tell people. And that's another sign, right? Like, when you're hiding it from the people that love you the most, that would accept anything that you come to them with, like, it. But it's so hard to just open up about it, because there's also part of you that wants it to get better and believes it can change.

You wrote also about finding the naked photos and the sex on his phone. Yeah. And I have personally experienced that. And literally, your heart rips your heart out in those moments. How did you keep it together?

I had to, because I remember when I'd see that, it's like I had to get up the next day and go film and try to pretend like everything's fine, and I would cry. I kind of started to learn how to block it out and, like, show up with a smile, do what I needed to do, and cry after. Like, you just. It's like you turn it on when you need to for cameras. Because otherwise.

And this happened with Heidi a lot. I would always. She knows me, so, like, we would start talking barely in a scene, and she'd say one thing, and then I couldn't hold it together, and I'd just start crying. And they didn't show a lot of that, but it's like, I couldn't help it, right? So, yeah, it's hard.

But whenever you see that, it's hard. I cried. I was mad, you know, I yelled. I was like, get out of my house. Get out of my house now.

And he wouldn't leave. He would not leave. So I would go sleep in the other room, and I would end up leaving my own house in the morning. And, you know, then he would be. It's my fault because I wasn't giving enough attention or I didn't do this, or, you know, so then it's like, what?

Like, this is such a mind again. It's almost gaslighting. Like, you just caught him doing something, and somehow in 2 seconds, it's turned around on you. Like, well, you don't give me enough attention, that's why. And he's just, like, him getting nude photos.

Audrina Patridge
And I remember you wrote about how you were, like. And then I would try to convince. Myself, like, maybe the girl didn't mean to send it to him. I know, but then I would get a message from the girl because he called her, and she would write me saying how he loves me so much, and they just talk about me all the time, and I'm like, yeah, but I saw your entire vagina. And what you wrote to him, like, how are you?

And you're a fan, but, like, you're going after my boyfriend. Like, what? It's just talk. It's weird. It's very toxic.

Yeah. You write about when you found out you were pregnant, and you talk about how Corey was, like, so excited. He was so excited. So ready to have this baby with you and for the future. Did you believe that Corey could change once he became a father?

I did, like, 100%. And I remember he was. You know, there is these ups and downs, and especially once Kira was born, it's, like, the happiest I had ever seen him. And he was so excited to be a dad and just for this new chapter in our lives, you know. But things gradually got worse.

It kept getting worse and worse and worse. Were you so lonely? Yeah. Gosh, I'm gonna get, like, teary. I'd go, this is another.

It's, like, hard to go back. Yeah, I was. But I had my family, so I sold my la house. Cause I didn't feel safe there. And I took a break from tv, and I was like, this is my life now.

I'm gonna make it work. Like, I am such a fighter and so determined and, you know, my main priority was my baby and making it work with him. And I moved in with my, you know, moved in with my parents. I was. Stayed with them until my house sold.

I was back and forth, but thankfully, I had my family and friends, so. Did they kind of then start to realize. Cause now he's not even a part of your pregnancy? I mean, they did, but they also knew that his career. He was in Budapest or he was in Australia for three months, or he had to be here.

That was his job. But at least don't disappear for four. Days and not even text you back. He wasn't even calling you or texting you. So that drove me crazy, and I.

Again, that's something I didn't want anyone to know either, because I was stressing out, but I didn't want it to appear like that. Like, I really wanted it to work, so. And because, like, when you're pregnant, you. That's supposed to be a time where you're stress free and you're trying to. So I can understand why you probably were just trying to, like, keep it together because you're, like, the energy for my baby.

Audrina Patridge
I just need to, like, be with my family and not focus on that. You kind of learn how to just to change your focus. Your priority and my priority is to be healthy for this baby and do whatever it takes. No matter what happens, this baby is my everything. So once you gave birth, was Cor, you write about basically, like, it was a struggle for Corey to be a good dad.

Did you trust him to parent without you there? You know, when we were together with Kira, he was an amazing dad. You know, he made her laugh. He played with her. He'd bring me food.

He was very helpful. But he was gone all the time. He was always gone. But that, you know, he couldn't just be with her. He had to have all of his friends there and turn it into, like, a drinking fest.

And it's like, can't you just be with your daughter one night or two nights, just you and her, and not make it a thing thing or, like, a friend thing? I mean, I can't imagine, like, I'm not a mother, but I can't imagine the anxiety you have the minute you have your child and everything, every step they're taking or breath they're having, you're like, oh, my God, you need to focus on them. And when you wrote about in the book how you walked in and your daughter had throw up all over her. Well, she had it. It was, like, stains all over the bassinet.

And when I got home that day, I knew when I facetimed him and they were drinking and running around naked in the living room, the music was loud. I knew right then, I was like, okay, your priorities are not right. Like, this isn't happening again, because I think she was only four or five months. So, you know, you have to be. You can't drink or have too much fun.

You have to be there, like, mentally, in case something happens or they wake up and they cry. You can't go drinking with your friends and then pass out with a baby upstairs. You then get married. What was going through your head the morning of your wedding day?

Alex Cooper
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There is so much. And I got married, you know, five months after I had my baby. And I remember my sister was there the night before and was even like, Trina, you don't have to do this. Like, let's get on a plane and let's go. Mom and dad will handle it.

And I was like, I can't do that, though. We've gone this far. All of our families here from Australia, from, like, everywhere is here. Like, everyone's here on this island for a week. And I was such a people pleaser at that point, which now, I mean, I've done so much healing, and I've grown so much.

If I could go back, things would be different. But, yeah, I just kind of was in robot mode. Kind of, like, jumped back into this, like, mode that I used to get in on the hills, where almost, like, performance smell. Like, okay, just get your makeup done. Walk down the aisle.

Everything's gonna be fine. Just get through it. Everything's gonna be fine. It's so sad, too, because comparing it to the hills, it's like you've learned how to kind of, like, just turn it on and off. Like, turn yourself off and turn on.

Audrina Patridge
Like, just get through it mode. And yet we're talking about, like, your life. Like, this is. This wasn't being filmed. This is your wedding, like, it's.

What advice would you give? Cause I know a lot of women that have written in being like, I don't know, but I'm getting married. What advice would you give to someone who's waking up on their wedding day with a pit in their stomach, knowing they don't want to, but they feel like they should? Like, what advice? Don't do it.

Because once you bring a baby into it, into the world, things don't get easier. It gets harder, and then marriage on top of that, with finances and parenting and decisions like that all makes such a difference. And it's not just dating or having your space to go to anymore. You're together with someone forever, so don't rush into getting married. Take your time.

Audrina Patridge
Things kind of got worse. You write about a moment where he physically pushed you and you were holding your baby. Can you kind of walk me through that moment of what you were feeling? It was kind of like that fight or flight mode. Like, I kind of froze, and I didn't know what to do, but things kept escalating.

And when I was pushed back, you know, and Kira started screaming and crying, and then I started crying, and then he realized what happened, and then he started crying. It's just like, everything just spiraled, and it got worse, and it's like, you know, that's when my family got involved and when the police got involved, and that's after going to therapy and trying to make it work. It's like, you're not changing. You're not wanting to change. Like, I can't do this anymore.

Audrina Patridge
Not only is it obviously not okay to shove you, but the image of reading it of you holding your daughter while he's shoving you, it's just, like, heartbreaking, because it's going back to, like, the fight. Wasn't it about he thought you were cheating again? Well, not that I was. I knew that he was. And at that point, I was so numb, I didn't care.

I was kind of like. And I talk about this in the book. I got to the point where I was almost like, I'm glad that you're cheating. Like, go be with anyone you want. Just don't touch me.

Like, I don't want to be around you. Your energy, like, everything, it just made me want to run. I think it was very admirable of how you wrote about how, like, you knew the minute you called the police it was gonna be kinda over. Yeah. Can you, if someone's listening, explain where you mentally were at, where you knew, like, that you needed to do this for you and your daughter.

I knew that that moment I called the police, that's the end of it. And I knew that after what had happened and just. He wasn't going to change. And I gave him so many chances. And once I had my daughter, it's like I wasn't living for me anymore.

It was. My life now is to protect her and to make sure she has the best life. And I knew that it would go all over the tabloids because it's public records, which it did, which I was dreading, and that's why I didn't want to do it. I wanted to keep our life private. And it did go everywhere, you know?

It's humiliating. After you called the police, was that also when you got the restraining order? Yeah. So that kind of came after, because he kept showing up at my events, following me, making a scene. He kept calling.

He kept showing up. And it's like, leave me alone. So after. Eventually, my lawyer was like, audrina, this is not right. There is enough evidence.

She's like, I'm getting you a restraining order. And I was like, well, are you sure that's the right thing to do that's gonna go public now? And, like, it was constantly, like, I had to stop caring about the public and what people thought and just do things for me and what was good for me and my daughter. Sometimes those extreme measures are imperative at that point, because how much farther would it go if it didn't, you know? Yeah.

So in my mind, that's where I knew. This is it. It's time. I was so depleted. Energetically, emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I was. I mean, everyone around me knew that something. I was just. I lost so much weight. I was isolated.

I wasn't myself. And I was trying to get back out there and smile and, like. But it just. I wasn't there. So I just knew, like, it's time.

Audrina Patridge
You wrote a lot about how the mental abuse affected how you viewed yourself. You wrote, when you're told you're a piece of shit every day, you begin to believe it. It becomes your reality. You stop fighting back and slowly start to die inside. How did you get the strength to leave when you feel so depleted like that?

So I got this strength through going to church. I turned to God. I literally, me and Kira would go every Sunday. I got into a small group. I had support.

I had a support system and guidance, and I would cry all the time. And, like, I finally built up that courage and just kept praying, and I was like, is this the right thing to do? Divorce doesn't. You know, at the time, it didn't run in our family. Like, you married.

You hash it out till the end. You make things work. So it was really. That decision was really, really hard for me to do. But going to church and just having faith and doing what was right for my daughter, like, that's.

That's what helped me through it, and I I think that was the best decision I've made. So I. I'm in such a happy. I mean, I'm in such a good place now. I'm happy.

My daughter's happy. You know, she. You know, she has the best of both worlds, and she's with all of her family and her school, and, like, I'm just. I'm healed enough where I'm open to dating now. Since your divorce, have you been able to try to find healthier relationships, and are there things you're immediately looking for and having boundaries now?

Oh, my gosh. Maybe a little too hard of boundaries, audrina. No such thing. Okay. I love this for you.

My friends are like, audrina, standards are up to here. Like, you know, it's like, I love to flirt and whatever, but, no, it's like, I'm not dating for me anymore. It's my daughter, too. So it's. Whoever I date next is.

Has to be the real deal. It's not just. I'm not just gonna bring them into my life to meet my family or my friends or it'll be someone that no one will really know I'm with until it's solid and it's good. And then people will be like, oh, wow, that's where I'm at right now. I love that for you so much, and you deserve that.

Audrina Patridge
What do you wish people understood about what it's like to be inside of an abusive relationship? It doesn't have to just. It's not. Sometimes when people say abusive relationships, they think physical. But abusive relationships aren't always physical.

It's emotional. It's being called a piece of shit, you know, being put down all the time internally. It takes a long time to recover from that and to get your confidence back and to feel like you're you again or like you are lovable, like someone will love you again. Like, don't believe that you're never going to be loved again or you're not good enough like you are. So it's just, you know, it could be spiritually, physically, emotionally, any kind of abuse.

Just that word doesn't necessarily mean physical, and it's toxic relationships. It's not right. You gotta get out of it. You need support. Get yourself out.

And it's not easy once you're in it. It's like you're swimming, and you're trying to keep your head above water, and you're barely breathing, and you need someone sometimes to come and pull you out. You can't do it on your own. Audrina, thank you so much for coming on. I like your book, truly.

Audrina Patridge
Like, I felt like it was such a journey to read, and there were so many fun moments, so many intense moments, and it all really came together, and I feel like I'm excited to just see what you do next because we've watched you for so freaking long, and I'm, like, sad that I'm not gonna be able to see you on tv. But you have a podcast now. Yes, the podcast with Brody and Frankie. It's a Hills rewatch, but we talk about other things, too. It's not just the hills.

So is it fun for. Do you think it's, like, a fun thing to rewatch, or do you think. No. Okay. Can I be honest?

It is so cringey for me to watch. I cannot watch it without having, like, a glass of wine. You're like, I didn't say that. It's like, what was I thinking? Like, and then I think, okay, this is great.

Like, one day when my daughter's old enough, I'll watch it with her and be like, this is what you're not doing. And this is what will happen if you do what I did. Truly don't know. A world without the hills. You guys basically, like, created reality television in a sense, and it's.

Audrina Patridge
It's gonna be sad for it to be gone, but I'm excited for the podcast. Maybe when we're, like old people again, like, give it another 20 years. It'll be like, 50, 60. Ready to do it again? I don't know.

Let me be so clear. I would watch. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Audrina.

Thank you so much. That means a lot. Thank you. Thank you.

Alex Cooper
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Audrina Patridge: Surviving an Abusive Relationship (FBF) [VIDEO]

Primary Topic

Episode Summary

Main Takeaways

Episode Chapters

1: Introduction and Background

2: The Hills and Reality TV Reflections

3: Discussing the Abusive Relationship

4: Impact and Recovery

Actionable Advice

About This Episode

People

Books

Content Warnings:

Transcript